"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Friday, June 29, 2007

Spam Subject Of The Day

"For this film, I present the inaugural review of my daughter."
Mmmm...Say, she's hot. Look at those tits!




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Thursday, June 28, 2007

Well Now. Ain't That A Kick In The Nuts

Apparently, some good actually came out of Larry King's interview with the ex-con:
Michael Moore Bumped for Paris Hilton Interview

[...]
It turns out that "Sicko" propagandist Moore had to be bumped so Larry could do some jail time talking with "The Simple Life" star.
[...]
I'm sure that made his day.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WOOHOO!!!

Fuck your wetback bill
[...]
"In a crucial make or break vote that exposed deep lack of support among Bush's own Republicans, the legislation fell 14 votes short of the 60 needed in the 100-member Senate to advance toward a final vote."
[...]



Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Update - Got this funny:

Jose and Carlos are panhandling on the street.

Jose brings home a suitcase full of $10 bills, every day. Drives a Mercedes. Lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Carlos only brings in 2 to 3 dollars a day.

Carlos asks Jose, how he can bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?

Jose says, "look at your sign. It says: I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support."

Carlos looks at Jose's sign. It reads, "I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico ."



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BWAH!

Court acquits teacher in "retard" case

1 hour, 56 minutes ago

PALERMO, Italy (Reuters) - A teacher who forced a pupil to write "I am a retard" 100 times was acquitted by an Italian court on Wednesday of abuse charges.
[...]
Say what you will, but I don't care who y'are. Thas' funny.



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From The DUH Files

Comes another worthless waste of money:
California has worst U.S. traffic: study

Thu Jun 28, 12:42 AM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Californians idle in the nation's worst traffic jams on interstates surrounding major metropolitan areas but they are far from alone -- 52 percent of these urban stretches of highways are congested, according to a new study released on Thursday.
[...]
Well, no shit. Everyone knows that. Even those who don't live there.

Good gawd.




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Spam Subject Of The Day

"fractured skyscraper"
Uh, what?




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Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Quote Of The Day

Jeff G. reading the mind of Rosie:
“Jesus, am I ever desperate to be taken seriously as a thinker and not just some loudmouthed she-clown in oversized stretch pants.”
Jeezus. The man plays the words as Hendrix played the Strat.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's Floodin' Down In Texas

Floods, heatwaves send signal about global warming's impact: UN

AFP - Wed Jun 27, 7:28 AM ET Avg. Rating: 5.0

GENEVA (AFP) - Recent floods in Asia and Britain, and heatwaves in southern Europe, show the world must be better prepared to cope with the impact of climate change, the United Nation's top disaster prevention official said Wednesday.
[...]
First of all, the UN? Yeah, like we can trust anything those numb-nuts have to say.

But what we really need to do here is bring back human sacrifice. It worked for the ancients, didn't it? The Aztecs, Incas, Mayans?

During the summer months the days were long, the sun was warm, the crops grew and the people prospered. Then the elders starting noticing the days were getting shorter, the temperatures were getting lower, the crops quit growing and fears of never ending nights were looming in the hearts of the people.
So what did they do to fix it? Why, they removed the still beating hearts of their captured enemies and offered them up to Sol. Lo, and behold, a few months later, the days started getting longer, the days warmer, the crops growing again.

Now I realize we can't go around killing lesser people in this day and age. But let's make a comparison here:
Those ancient tribal elders and chiefs are not all that unlike the doomsdayers of today. Create the dilemma, then whence the masses are sucked into believing there really is a crisis, present them with the solution. And usually, the solution comes from the very same people who created the crisis in the first place! Advertisers of disposable or "quick 'n easy" products come to mind. Create the demand.
Why? Because it serves their purpose. Whether it be monetary or intangible, they end up gleaning the benefit from it.

So it was with the energy crisis of the '70s, so it is today. We're ruining the planet, we're running out of fossil fuel, we're all gonna die!
The answer to our problem lies in developing new energy sources. Ethanol, solar, wind, blah blah blah. Oddly enough though, the people most interested in these technologies also stand to benefit the most financially because they invested so heartily in these enterprises.

So do what you will, think what you may. I'll not argue that the planet is getting warmer, at least for the last century or so - as far back as we may actually have valid records of measurements. But nature is uncontrollable save for a little cloud seeding here and there and maybe a little crop rotation. So for us to think that us mere mortals can change the earth's natural cycle is pretty fucking arrogant as far as I'm concerned.





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CIA plot to kill Castro detailed

AP - Wed Jun 27, 7:49 AM ET

HAVANA - The CIA recruited a former FBI agent to approach two of America's most-wanted mobsters and gave them poison pills meant for Fidel Castro during his first year in power, according to newly declassified papers released Tuesday.
[...]
Too bad it failed. I could use a good cigar about now.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What THEE Fuck?

This is scary:
Animal-human embryos need human rights, bishops say

1 hour, 2 minutes ago

LONDON (Reuters) - Hybrid animal-human embryos created for medical research should be viewed as human and permitted to develop into children, Roman Catholic bishops have urged the British parliament.
[...]
No, rather people participating in these experiments should be shot. That is just fucking disgusting.

If people were meant to be cross-bred with animals whether it be in a test tube or in the barnyard, our physiology would have been designed just a bit differently.

This sort of experimentation can only amount to a Pandora's Box of unknown ills ready to release all sorts of unknown mutations or crippling side effects both physical or mental. These morons could quite possibly create more damage to the human race than any cures they could come up with. You just shouldn't fuck with mother nature that way.

Think about it. The Nazis were doing the same shit only a few years back.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Funny

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.

The doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

"Here's what you do," said the doctor, stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den.

He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Still no response..

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away.

"Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"


"Ralph , for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!"







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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Hey [my email address], Drunk? so am I... On Yahoo Web Cum"
Not at the moment, but plan to be.

So, "web cum" - is that some new USB device?




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Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Why You Wanna Keep A Brother Down

Memphis mayor blasts sex allegations

By WOODY BAIRD, Associated Press Writer Mon Jun 25, 3:15 PM ET

MEMPHIS, Tenn. - Mayor Willie Herenton stepped before television cameras to announce he had made a startling discovery: Rich, white businessmen were plotting to derail his re-election by videotaping him having sex with a strip club waitress.
[...]
Evil people trying to thwart his bid for re-election? How crude. How mean. How underhanded.

Uh, Mr. Mayor - you didn't have to fuck the waitress you know. You could have been a bit less of a slut. You're in the public eye. Rather than chasing wimmen half your age around, you could be more concerned with your image.





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We Don't Want Yer Kind Around These Parts

Report: Muslim integration crucial to US

AP - Tue Jun 26, 12:43 AM ET

A better-integrated Muslim population would better serve the United States as it navigates critical domestic and foreign-policy challenges involving Muslim populations, a new report argues.
[...]
That, or kick them the fuck out. That way, we wouldn't have to deal with them.

I say they are more of a threat than an asset.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"From DeliveryConfirmation

Apple iPhone"
WOOHOO!! And I didn't even order one of them overloaded pieces of shit!



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Monday, June 25, 2007

Spam Subject Of The Day

"fitted deduction"
Wow. That's spiffy.




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Thursday, June 21, 2007

Saaaayyyyyy....

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Do you wanna see the rest? SFW, but do so at your own risk:
[+/-] show/hide the picture

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket






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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Did you know Nelda Block?"
No, was this person as big of a fuckhead as you?




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Wednesday, June 20, 2007

A Funny

I keep forgetting to post this picture. It cracked me up when I saw it a while back, so I saved it. I stumbled upon it again perusing my pics. So here you go:






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Good Gawd

Rosie O'Donnell wants `Price' job

AP - Tue Jun 19, 6:57 PM ET

LOS ANGELES - "The Price Is Right" needs a host, and Rosie O'Donnell is interested. Very interested.
[...]
I say give it to her/him. She/he would be perfect for the job. It would put her/him somewhere where she/he can't spout her/his dumb-assed, lopsided, idiotic 'views'.



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And What Does This Have To Do With...

The price of rice in China, the price of goat's milk in the Himalayas, or the price of tea in England?:
Dragster in deadly Tenn. wreck had DUI

AP - Wed Jun 20, 12:07 AM ET

MEMPHIS, Tenn. - A Texas-based drag-racer whose car crashed into a crowd of spectators during a charity car show parade, killing six young people, was convicted of drunken driving in Virginia in 2000, court records show.
[...]
Exactly. Not a fucking thing.

Are they implying he was still drunk after seven years? Or maybe still hung over?

The city fucked up letting him drive his car like he did in a less than safe are, and he probably should have been a bit more careful his damn self. But bringing up an old conviction like that is just fucking stupid.

But then, we know how libtards work. They're trying to place blame on everyone and everything but where it actually lies. So this is what you get.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Big your piano, be a real man"
Oh yes. Only men with big pianos are real men.




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Tuesday, June 19, 2007

I Just Thought You Should Know

Your Exotic Dancer Name Is...

Thumper



Works for me.


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Snap Shots

I just installed Snap Shots.

When you hover on a link, it opens a preview in a smaller window. Click on the "+" in the upper right-hand corner to make it a bit bigger, or click on the window to go to the link. You can even disable them if you want.

Let me know if you get sick of seeing them though, and I'll trahs the whole works.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Quote Of The Day

"Hope you are having a sweet Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender Pride Month."
Uh, fuck off and die you subhuman psycho.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maybe It's Time For A New Cell Phone?

Next-gen of telephones?
Maybe I can convince Mrs Curmudgeon to get me one next month.




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What A Sleighload Of Horse Shit

Va. School's No-Contact Rule Is a Touchy Subject


By Maria Glod
Washington Post Staff Writer
Monday, June 18, 2007; B01

Fairfax County middle school student Hal Beaulieu hopped up from his lunch table one day a few months ago, sat next to his girlfriend and slipped his arm around her shoulder. That landed him a trip to the school office.

Among his crimes: hugging.

All touching -- not only fighting or inappropriate touching -- is against the rules at Kilmer Middle School in Vienna. Hand-holding, handshakes and high-fives? Banned. The rule has been conveyed to students this way: "NO PHYSICAL CONTACT!!!!!"
[...]
What, THEE, Fuck?!?! Are these people for real? I may be an old fart, but back in my day...

C'mon now, you should know me better than that. I'm not going to pull that shit.

Suffice it to say though that this overprotective, P.C., "Everyone's a winner" bullshit is getting waaaaay out of hand.

What's a school without sneaking a little hand holding in the bleachers during the ball game?
Or what sort of 'guy' stuff is supposed to happen if teammates can't do a "high-five" after a nice shot or a T.D.?
Not to mention, "knuckles" - you know, try to smack the other guy's knuckles with your own before he can pull his had away?

That shit is all banned at this moron school.

Maybe those dumb fucks should talk to "Michael Jackson's Personal Bubble Supplier to the Stars" and see if they can get an enclosure for each student. Physically bar them from even accidently bumping into each other. Gawd forbid Billy's elbow accidentally touches Sally's tit walking down the hallway. Or little Johnny were to spontaneously slap Bart on the back for telling a funny joke.





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FUUUUCCCCKKKK!

I just needed to vent.




That is all.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject Of The Day

"To well reck"
I suppose so.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Monday, June 18, 2007

A Funny

People were in their pews talking at church. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate.
Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do"
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill with a word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man in an even tone.
"Did you know that I could cause you profound horrifying AGONY for all eternity?", persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And, you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope," said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 44 years."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That Damn Global Warming

I think I've heard it all now:

Climate change behind Darfur killing

Article from: Agence France-Presse
From correspondents in Washington

June 17, 2007 07:21am

THE slaughter in Darfur was triggered by global climate change and that more such conflicts may be on the horizo, UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon says in an article published today.
[...]
Let's see now, what else can we blame on Global Warming™?
Oh! I know! How about the desire for North Korea to develop nukes? Surely that can be blamed on Global Warming™ too.
Or maybe pedophile priests? I'm sure they wouldn't be so horny if it weren't so damn hot.
Then there's silicone breast implants! All the trouble they've caused leaking and shit. Again, too damn hot.
If we really backed up and thought about it a bit, I'm sure we could come up with all sorts of other ills caused by Global Warming™.

Fucking morons.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Clara sent you a ischild.hk! Greeting"
Oh yeah? Well ischild.hk! to you to.




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Friday, June 15, 2007

It's Hopeless. We're Losing

What I Saw in Iraq

BY JOSEPH LIEBERMAN
Friday, June 15, 2007 12:01 a.m. EDT


[...]
The question of course is--is it working? Here in Washington, advocates of retreat insist with absolute certainty that it is not, seizing upon every suicide bombing and American casualty as proof positive that the U.S. has failed in Iraq, and that it is time to get out.

In Baghdad, however, discussions with the talented Americans responsible for leading this fight are more balanced, more hopeful and, above all, more strategic in their focus--fixated not just on the headline or loss of the day, but on the larger stakes in this struggle, beginning with who our enemies are in Iraq. The officials I met in Baghdad said that 90% of suicide bombings in Iraq today are the work of non-Iraqi, al Qaeda terrorists. In fact, al Qaeda's leaders have repeatedly said that Iraq is the central front of their global war against us. That is why it is nonsensical for anyone to claim that the war in Iraq can be separated from the war against al Qaeda--and why a U.S. pullout, under fire, would represent an epic victory for al Qaeda, as significant as their attacks on 9/11.
[...]
You should really go read the rest. But let me sum up my thoughts on the article: Fuck you Harry Reid you sorry, motherfucking pompous piece of dog shit. Bush may have a an all-time low rating, but yours is hovering around 10 points lower than his. What the fuck makes you think what you are saying is what your constituents - or for that matter, anyone else with half a brain wants you to be spouting, not to mention be trying to push from atop your personal ivory tower?




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Quote Of The Day

Via email:
"Political correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
BWAH!





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A Funny

A couple actually.

First, speaking of cocksuckers:


Remember those frogs?:



And finally:





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I Suck Cock! I Love Cock! Gimme Your Cock!



Oh, did I mention that I'm a guy?



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wait, What?

Schwarzenegger: Turn off Spanish TV

AP - Thu Jun 14, 7:23 PM ET

SAN JOSE, Calif. - Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger told a gathering of Hispanic journalists that immigrants should avoid Spanish-language media if they want to learn English quickly.
[...]
The first thought I had was "No shit!". The next was "Is that really Arnie? From California? He's saying that? A government official from California is actually making sense?"

Where's that bus I need to jump in front of? I have truly seen it all now.


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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Free Las Vegas getaway"
Uh, just what I need. A free trip to my home town. Thanks.




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Thursday, June 14, 2007

Starry Starry Night

You know, it always makes me blush when I read a blog written by someone with exquisite taste.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This Day In History

From the History Channel:

On June 14:

1951: The predecessor to Al Gore's internet was invented. Yeah, some overblown adding machine named UNIVAC was fired up by the Census Bureau.

1946: One of the discoverers of the "bad combover" by the name of Donald Trump comes kicking and screaming out of his mama's belly, only to continue the same practice well into his 60's.

1985: Psychotic camel-fuckers prone to wearing towels on their heads take over TWA flight 847.
Mel Gibson fans? Must be. They didn't like Jews either.

And speaking of hijacking, in 1789, the thrice mutinied Captain Bligh sets sail in a 23 foot open boat with 18 of his crewmen. Not his first choice.
7 weeks and almost 4,000 miles later, he gets out, stretches his legs, pops his knuckles, and tries the same trip again. With a different crew this time.




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BWAH!

Trooper stops naked couple in SUV

Wed Jun 13, 10:58 PM ET

BELLEVUE, Wash. - Drunken driving is bad, but drunken driving while naked could be worse. A Washington State Patrol trooper pulled over an SUV on Interstate 90 in this Seattle suburb after observing it driving erratically about 1:20 a.m. Friday.
[...]
Oh fer gawd's sake. If you're going to get your dick sucked in the car, just pull over.

It's bad enough to drink coffee, shave, talk on the cell phone, put on make-up and read the newspaper while driving. You don't need to fuck too.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cool!

Baby monitor picks up video from NASA


48 minutes ago

PALATINE, Ill. - A mother of two in this suburb of Chicago doesn't have to turn on the news for an update on
NASA's space mission. She just flips on her baby monitor. Since Sunday, Natalie Meilinger's baby monitor has been picking up black-and-white video from inside the space shuttle Atlantis.
[...]
I need to get one of those. That would be spiffy.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"How things looing"
Oh, I think they're looing just fine.




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Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Quote Of The Day

So well put by Rodger. I chuckled
"The ACLU was founded by a communist and has degenerated, if that's possible, into a national venereal disease. "
Ain't that the effing truth.

No reply necessary. If you disagree, you too are a communist.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Because You Should Know





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I Say Old Chap...

It's a good thing guns are banned in Australia:
Australian attacked with swordfish snout
AP - Tue Jun 12, 10:15 PM ET

BRISBANE, Australia - Two assailants broke into a man's trailer and attacked him with a swordfish snout in eastern Australia early Wednesday, leaving the victim with cuts to his arms, back and hands, police said.
[...]
The moral of the story: Bad guys will attack someone with something, even if it isn't a gun. Duh.
But had the victim been armed, he could have at least had a chance to protect himself.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"?ISO-2022-JP?B?jLuL4JaIk/qT/IvggUWWiJP6kFWC6I2egt0hISE=?="
Very helpful indeed.



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Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Worry less spend more"
Yup. As per usual.




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Friday, June 08, 2007

What's Good For The Goose...

Updated: Awwww. Poe widdoe babeeee...







Gotta love them paparazzi, no?

Oh, here's one more:






So I hear that worthless fucking cunt Parisite Hilton got turned loose.

No surprise, really. She has enough money to pay off any judge, jailer, warden, parole board, entire police department, entire state of KKKalifornia even, if that's what it takes to get her the hell out of the slammer.

Anyone else would be lucky to get off without spending a few months or years looking at striped sunlight while taking it in the ass from Bubba, losing their license, coughing up a hefty fine, spending a couple days in some sort of "Alcohol Awareness" class, a few more days in some sort of "Domestic Violence" class, maybe even a stint of house arrest on top of that.

But no, she gets a slap on the wrist. Well, not even that much really. She gets a light talking to. A "tsk tsk" from the judicial system, and - well, we'll see what the police department has to say when they make a formal statement, but you know as well as I do, someone - some high up official - is going to be taking a nice vacation real soon.

The moral of the story? Teach your kids how to be a prim and proper slut.
Most kids today aren't going to inherit a big chunk of change, or end up with a sizable trust fund. So they need to be able to marry into money. Lots of it.
That way, they can do whatever-the-fuck they want and not be held accountable for it.



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Quote Of The Day

"Roses are Red, Grass is Green. I like your legs and whats in between."
Heh heh...




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pre-Order

My birfday is less than two months away. You have plenty of time to order me one of these.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Owie!

Get a load of this:
Man pinned under tree amputates his leg

AP - Wed Jun 6, 9:43 PM ET

IOWA HILL, Calif. - Alone in the woods with his left leg pinned beneath a fallen tree for 11 hours, a 66-year-old man used pocket knives to cut off his limb below the knee to free himself, a neighbor and authorities said.
[...]
Too bad this dude wasn't around at the time:
Chain saw-wielding man arrested in Maine

AP - Thu Jun 7, 4:42 PM ET

HOWLAND, Maine - A man who waved a chain saw over his head, threatened motorists and did some impromptu pruning of local shrubbery was arrested at gunpoint.
[...]
BWAH!




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What A Trip

This cracked me the hell up:
Mich. man in wheelchair takes wild ride

AP - Fri Jun 8, 5:57 AM ET Sent 1,214 times

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. - A 21-year-old man got the ride of a lifetime when his electric wheelchair became lodged in the grille of a semitrailer and was pushed down a highway for several miles at about 50 mph.
[...]
Good gawd. The visuals are priceless.




"WHOOOOOOAAAAAAA!!!!! SHEEEEEEEEEEIIIITTTT! JANE, STOP THIS CRAZY THING!!!!"



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Trick your mind"
Yup. That's what you always try to do, ain't int?




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thursday, June 07, 2007

3 exposed to plutonium at Nevada site

Thu Jun 7, 12:22 AM ET

LAS VEGAS - Authorities are investigating how three workers were exposed to radioactive plutonium during environmental restoration work at the Nevada Test Site, the National Nuclear Security Administration said.
[...]
Yeah. Keep telling me how safe it is to transport nuclear waste across the country and store it at the test site. I'll believe you. Sure. The government is always honest in their dealings, right?




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sickos

Teacher gets new trial on classroom porn

AP - Wed Jun 6, 11:38 PM ET

NEW LONDON, Conn. - A judge granted a new trial Wednesday for a former substitute teacher convicted of allowing students to view pornography on a classroom computer.
[...]
Again I say. Where were those teachers when I was going to school? I could have used a good screening of smut in class.

But no. All the hell I ever got was weekly newsreels and drunk driving movies.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject Of The Day

"May God Bless the Ivory Coast."
Damn straight. We wouldn't be getting all those fabulous offers to help import 20 brazillion dollars if it weren't for those nice folks.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

See Below

Just wondering if you were paying attention.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Coupla Phunnies

It's been a while since I posted any 'toons. So here are a few I've seen lately.

You may want to look over your shoulder first though. A couple are a bit nasty:



























~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ted Nugent Would Be So Proud

NYC man charged in bow-and-arrow mishap
AP - Tue Jun 5, 6:05 PM ET

NEW YORK - A man celebrating his birthday with a bow and arrow in his apartment was charged with reckless endangerment after an errant shot shattered a window across the street, the district attorney's office said.
[...]
In case you're wondering about the title, 'The Nuge' - besides being pro-gun - is an avid bow hunter.

Nevertheless, see? It doesn't stop someone from being stupid just because you take away their right to own guns. They'll always find another way to be a potentially deadly jackoff.

Question is, how long before New York outlaws bows too? If they haven't already that is.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Stiff Dick Has No Conscience

Man sues over long-lasting erection

AP - Tue Jun 5, 11:44 PM ET

NEW YORK - A man has sued the maker of the health drink Boost Plus, claiming the vitamin-enriched beverage gave him an erection that would not subside and caused him to be hospitalized.
[...]
BWAH!

Sorry dude, there are plenty of old farts who would pay good money to spend a day in your shorts. Figuratively speaking of course.
I have trouble feeling sorry for you.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject Of The Day

"bigger"
Than most, yes.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Dads And Grads. Dads And Grads. Dads And Grads.

Fuck you and your 'Dads And Grads'! I'm getting fucking sick of hearing 'Dads And Grads'.

[parrot voice]
'Dads And Grads'. 'Dads And Grads'.
[/parrot voice]

KAAAAAAAAAACK!

Look. You should have a "Dad's" day. Great idea. To most people, fathers are worth respecting and honoring.
You should also be proud and celebrate the fact your child graduated high school, college, whateverthefuck. Just don't lump them together for the sake of a ridiculous rhyme which you think is cute, in trying to lure suckers to purchasing your wares.
You will definitely turn me off to your shit.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, I Suck

A certain 'domestikdiva' sent me this note:
Bill [O'Reilly] has a quiz on his website that if you take the quiz, AT&T will send a 20 minute phone card to the soldiers in Iraq . There might be a limit, but if so, please help reach it!
I scored a lousy 4 out of 10. But a calling card will still be sent.


Thanks Diva


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No Surprises Here

British women prefer chocolate to sex: poll

AFP - Tue Jun 5, 5:49 AM ET

LONDON (AFP) - More than half of British women prefer chocolate to sex, saying it can be depended on to give pleasure, according to a survey published Tuesday.
[...]
British men probably do too. I mean, good gawd. Have you seen British women?




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Those Crazy Kids

3 charged in Ill. high school food fight

AP - Sun Jun 3, 9:59 PM ET

AURORA, Ill. - A high school senior accused of starting a massive food fight that left a police officer injured was among three students arrested in the prank.
[...]
The dumb-ass clutzy cop hurt himself tripping on someone as he was trying to catch the 'bad guy'. No story there.

The rest of the story? BWAH!!! I would have loved to have watched it.



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Nice

Man makes woman fill his SUV with gas
AP - Mon Jun 4, 8:16 PM ET

SALT LAKE CITY - A woman was held up during a fill-up. The woman was pumping gasoline Sunday morning when a man stuck something in her back, told her it was a gun and ordered her to start filling up his sport utility vehicle instead of her own car, said Salt Lake City police Detective Jared Wihongi.
[...]
What a dude.
But then, $15 worth of gas - that will allow them to drive what. Ten feet maybe?



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Smells of a. Jord Fara, was arrived is now."
Well, it's about time!




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Monday, June 04, 2007

Spam Subject Of The Day

"in amma to changewater"
to toilet in paper too.



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Friday, June 01, 2007

Nailed It!


Curmudgeon --

[adjective]:

Extremely flatulent



'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com



Curiosity got the best of me over here.


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Deadly Catch

Ever watch that show? You know, the one on the Discovery Channel where the take the boats out on the Bering Sea and fill it up with those delicious crabs so we can devour the legs?

Well, I have a profound respect for those idiots. No, I'm not insinuating they're stupid. More like crazy, suicidal, nuts, ... Besides the fact that it's a dangerous job, anyone who can survive more than say, 1/2 hour on those waters without puking their guts out is a hero in my book.

Jean heard a rumor that I had been - shall we say, a little indisposed on a fishing trip. So I figgered I would go ahead and lay the story out.

See, here's the deal...

A few years back, 'Mrs Curmudgeon', 'The Boy' (my nephew) and I took a trip to Alaska to visit the "Pick" family. They had invited us to stay with them, and it sounded like a great idea. So off we went. They went ahead and planned what turned out to be a great trip. Even set up a couple fishing charters. What a kick! If you ever get the chance, I would highly recommend it. Except for the ... well, I'll get to that.

So there we are, heading merrily to sea to catch a limit of halibut. The harbor we leave from is nice and calm, the weather sunny and warm. The boat was, as I recall, roughly 30 feet in length, and the crew consisted of the captain and the mate.

As we leave the calm waters of the harbor, it starts to get a bit choppy. Not surprising at all, since we are out in the middle of Cook inlet, and approaching the Gulf of Alaska. I get motion sickness quite easily, but my tender belly isn't gurgling yet. Although, I'm thinking that if the waters aren't any calmer where we're going, it's going to start churning.

So after about an hour or so, we get to the fishing spot. Uh-oh, this doesn't look good. The boat is acting like a cork in the washing machine. Up... down... up... twist back down... up... pitch... down... roll... back down... You get the picture. I was getting queasy wid' a quickness.

I turn look at 'The Boy', to inquire as to the state of his intestinal fortitude - and the answer is immediate. Without a word spoken, I could tell. He was going down. And fast.

The phrase "a little green in the gills" isn't some silly idiom akin to 'Green with envy', or 'Yellow with fear'. Oh no. You literally turn green. At least The Boy was. I've seen friends after a weekend bender looking better Monday morning than that poor bastard did. Sad part is, I could tell I looked just like him. And I knew I would be chumming the waters before very long. But I wasn't going to let this trip slip by. We had flown hundreds of miles and spent plenty of money, and it wasn't going to go to waste. I was going to catch me some fucking halibut.

So there we were, merrily bobbing around in the water. The mate fixed up the fishing rods, baited the hooks, and gave a quick in-service on the technology, methodology and biology of catching halibut. He also mentioned that if any of us were to upchuck, that we should do it on the deck. It would be easier to hose off the deck that fish us out of the water should we accidentally fall overboard whilst hanging over the rail to kack.
The Boy missed the entire spiel though as he was now laying on a bunk in the forward cabin hanging his head over the side puking into a five gallon bucket. Fat lot of good he would be.

So the lines are in the water, the bait sinking to the sea floor, and I am thinking ... urp.
Uh-oh. This ain't good.
Urp...swallow. Ugh.
The mouth is watering... urp... swallow... no turning back now...
Fuck it. I'm hanging over the rail. The last thing I want to do is look at my own puke after I spew it all over the deck.

BWAAAHHHHRRRRPPPP!!!!! Oh yeah. That's nice.
There goes my breakfast, my dignity and any inkling of pride I may have brought on board with me.
Fuck it. I don't care.

"FISH ON!!!! REEL IT UP!!!" says the mate.
"Uh, I think I'm a little preoccupied. Give me a sec."
"I'll start it, you grab it when you can"

"ZZZZzzzzZZZZZzzzzZZZZ" goes the reel bringing the 'barn door' up from the ocean floor. The water is fairly deep there, so it's not like these things just pop right up and out. No, it takes a minute or two to bring them up.

Urp... swallow... No time to yack now, I need to get this fish on board. Urp... ZZZZZzzzzZZZZZzzzz...

So I bring up the halibut, we stow it, bait the hook, send the line back, and urrrp... Here we go again. "YEEEEEEAAAAKKKKKK!!!!" over the rail again. I glance up and see the mate grinning - somewhere between "Fucking candy-ass" and "I thought I told you folks to puke on the deck."
"Fuck off" I say. To myself. I'm not in the mood.
But, I WILL make the best of this trip. After all, I do like fishing. I just don't think I like puking between each catch.

Urp...
Here we go again...
Urp... swallow...
"BYYYAAAAAKKKKK"... grunt... grunt... grunt...

You know how it is when you puke and puke, but nothing is left to puke? Dry heaves? Well, we're now to that point. My gut thinks I need more purging, but there ain't nothing left. I'm thinking to myself "Good gawd man. There's nothing left in there. How the hell can you still be puking? If you feel something fuzzy coming up, you better swallow it. It's probably your asshole."

"FISH ON!!!!"

Gawddammit. Stop puking and grab the rod!!
Urp... ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz... urp...

Okay, I have the hang of it now. If I time it right, I can get the fish up and while the mate is baiting the hook again I'll have time for a quick yak. Then as the line is sinking, I'll have time for another.

And so it went the rest of the trip. I timed my puking fits to the rhythm of fishing. I would get a good 'heave-ho' in whilst the mate baited and tossed the line, then another before reeling the fish into the boat.

Finally, we've caught a decent share of fish and the captain asks if we want to head to another spot and catch some more or if we've had enough. Sorry Pick if I don't want to play along any more, but I'm ready to head back.

So we head back to the harbor. I stay in the back of the boat where the ride isn't quite as rough and continue to try to yak up some more breakfast. Of course, there is nothing left, but my gut doesn't care. I think that by now, it's just got a thing going and don't know how to quit. I'm guessing this will continue for the next week or so. There's no way I'll live through this. My insides are obviously turned inside out by now.

But once we reach the calm waters of the harbor, all is well. The tummy settles down and I start to feel human once again. By all that is holy, I think I may actually live! Good gawd-a-mighty!

Well, it was overall, a good trip. We had plenty of fish to bring home, and the salmon charter was a hoot. That charter was taken in calmer waters and no puking was involved. We had a good time in Alaska and I would go back in a heartbeat.

But I won't leave Cook inlet.




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Sure

Man says he captured Loch Ness on film

AP - Fri Jun 1, 4:58 AM ET Sent 445 times

EDINBURGH, Scotland - The Loch Ness monster is back — and there's video. A man has captured what Nessie watchers say is possible footage of the supposed mythical creature beneath Scotland's most mysterious lake.
Aye, laddie. You'll be 'avin another pint now will ya'? Clear yer 'ead and take anotherrrrrrr picture forrrrr me now, guvna.




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Spam Subject Of The Day

"I everything hymera"
You too? Wow! What a coincidence!



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