"For this film, I present the inaugural review of my daughter."Mmmm...Say, she's hot. Look at those tits!
Michael Moore Bumped for Paris Hilton InterviewI'm sure that made his day.
It turns out that "Sicko" propagandist Moore had to be bumped so Larry could do some jail time talking with "The Simple Life" star.
"In a crucial make or break vote that exposed deep lack of support among Bush's own Republicans, the legislation fell 14 votes short of the 60 needed in the 100-member Senate to advance toward a final vote."
Court acquits teacher in "retard" caseSay what you will, but I don't care who y'are. Thas' funny.
1 hour, 56 minutes ago
PALERMO, Italy (Reuters) - A teacher who forced a pupil to write "I am a retard" 100 times was acquitted by an Italian court on Wednesday of abuse charges.
California has worst U.S. traffic: studyWell, no shit. Everyone knows that. Even those who don't live there.
Thu Jun 28, 12:42 AM ET
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Californians idle in the nation's worst traffic jams on interstates surrounding major metropolitan areas but they are far from alone -- 52 percent of these urban stretches of highways are congested, according to a new study released on Thursday.
“Jesus, am I ever desperate to be taken seriously as a thinker and not just some loudmouthed she-clown in oversized stretch pants.”Jeezus. The man plays the words as Hendrix played the Strat.
First of all, the UN? Yeah, like we can trust anything those numb-nuts have to say.
AFP - Wed Jun 27, 7:28 AM ET Avg. Rating: 5.0
GENEVA (AFP) - Recent floods in Asia and Britain, and heatwaves in southern Europe, show the world must be better prepared to cope with the impact of climate change, the United Nation's top disaster prevention official said Wednesday.
CIA plot to kill Castro detailedToo bad it failed. I could use a good cigar about now.
AP - Wed Jun 27, 7:49 AM ET
HAVANA - The CIA recruited a former FBI agent to approach two of America's most-wanted mobsters and gave them poison pills meant for Fidel Castro during his first year in power, according to newly declassified papers released Tuesday.
Animal-human embryos need human rights, bishops sayNo, rather people participating in these experiments should be shot. That is just fucking disgusting.
1 hour, 2 minutes ago
LONDON (Reuters) - Hybrid animal-human embryos created for medical research should be viewed as human and permitted to develop into children, Roman Catholic bishops have urged the British parliament.
A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.
Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.
The doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
"Here's what you do," said the doctor, stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den.
He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"
So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Still no response..
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away.
"Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
"Ralph , for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!"
"Hey [my email address], Drunk? so am I... On Yahoo Web Cum"Not at the moment, but plan to be.
Memphis mayor blasts sex allegationsEvil people trying to thwart his bid for re-election? How crude. How mean. How underhanded.
By WOODY BAIRD, Associated Press Writer Mon Jun 25, 3:15 PM ET
MEMPHIS, Tenn. - Mayor Willie Herenton stepped before television cameras to announce he had made a startling discovery: Rich, white businessmen were plotting to derail his re-election by videotaping him having sex with a strip club waitress.
Report: Muslim integration crucial to USThat, or kick them the fuck out. That way, we wouldn't have to deal with them.
AP - Tue Jun 26, 12:43 AM ET
A better-integrated Muslim population would better serve the United States as it navigates critical domestic and foreign-policy challenges involving Muslim populations, a new report argues.
"From DeliveryConfirmationWOOHOO!! And I didn't even order one of them overloaded pieces of shit!
Rosie O'Donnell wants `Price' jobI say give it to her/him. She/he would be perfect for the job. It would put her/him somewhere where she/he can't spout her/his dumb-assed, lopsided, idiotic 'views'.
AP - Tue Jun 19, 6:57 PM ET
LOS ANGELES - "The Price Is Right" needs a host, and Rosie O'Donnell is interested. Very interested.
Dragster in deadly Tenn. wreck had DUIExactly. Not a fucking thing.
AP - Wed Jun 20, 12:07 AM ET
MEMPHIS, Tenn. - A Texas-based drag-racer whose car crashed into a crowd of spectators during a charity car show parade, killing six young people, was convicted of drunken driving in Virginia in 2000, court records show.
Va. School's No-Contact Rule Is a Touchy SubjectWhat, THEE, Fuck?!?! Are these people for real? I may be an old fart, but back in my day...
By Maria Glod
Washington Post Staff Writer
Monday, June 18, 2007; B01
Fairfax County middle school student Hal Beaulieu hopped up from his lunch table one day a few months ago, sat next to his girlfriend and slipped his arm around her shoulder. That landed him a trip to the school office.
Among his crimes: hugging.
All touching -- not only fighting or inappropriate touching -- is against the rules at Kilmer Middle School in Vienna. Hand-holding, handshakes and high-fives? Banned. The rule has been conveyed to students this way: "NO PHYSICAL CONTACT!!!!!"
Let's see now, what else can we blame on Global Warming™?
Climate change behind Darfur killing
Article from: Agence France-Presse
From correspondents in Washington
June 17, 2007 07:21am
THE slaughter in Darfur was triggered by global climate change and that more such conflicts may be on the horizo, UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon says in an article published today.
What I Saw in IraqYou should really go read the rest. But let me sum up my thoughts on the article: Fuck you Harry Reid you sorry, motherfucking pompous piece of dog shit. Bush may have a an all-time low rating, but yours is hovering around 10 points lower than his. What the fuck makes you think what you are saying is what your constituents - or for that matter, anyone else with half a brain wants you to be spouting, not to mention be trying to push from atop your personal ivory tower?
BY JOSEPH LIEBERMAN
Friday, June 15, 2007 12:01 a.m. EDT
The question of course is--is it working? Here in Washington, advocates of retreat insist with absolute certainty that it is not, seizing upon every suicide bombing and American casualty as proof positive that the U.S. has failed in Iraq, and that it is time to get out.
In Baghdad, however, discussions with the talented Americans responsible for leading this fight are more balanced, more hopeful and, above all, more strategic in their focus--fixated not just on the headline or loss of the day, but on the larger stakes in this struggle, beginning with who our enemies are in Iraq. The officials I met in Baghdad said that 90% of suicide bombings in Iraq today are the work of non-Iraqi, al Qaeda terrorists. In fact, al Qaeda's leaders have repeatedly said that Iraq is the central front of their global war against us. That is why it is nonsensical for anyone to claim that the war in Iraq can be separated from the war against al Qaeda--and why a U.S. pullout, under fire, would represent an epic victory for al Qaeda, as significant as their attacks on 9/11.
"Political correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."BWAH!
Schwarzenegger: Turn off Spanish TVThe first thought I had was "No shit!". The next was "Is that really Arnie? From California? He's saying that? A government official from California is actually making sense?"
AP - Thu Jun 14, 7:23 PM ET
SAN JOSE, Calif. - Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger told a gathering of Hispanic journalists that immigrants should avoid Spanish-language media if they want to learn English quickly.
Oh fer gawd's sake. If you're going to get your dick sucked in the car, just pull over.
Wed Jun 13, 10:58 PM ET
BELLEVUE, Wash. - Drunken driving is bad, but drunken driving while naked could be worse. A Washington State Patrol trooper pulled over an SUV on Interstate 90 in this Seattle suburb after observing it driving erratically about 1:20 a.m. Friday.
Baby monitor picks up video from NASAI need to get one of those. That would be spiffy.
48 minutes ago
PALATINE, Ill. - A mother of two in this suburb of Chicago doesn't have to turn on the news for an update on
NASA's space mission. She just flips on her baby monitor. Since Sunday, Natalie Meilinger's baby monitor has been picking up black-and-white video from inside the space shuttle Atlantis.
"The ACLU was founded by a communist and has degenerated, if that's possible, into a national venereal disease. "Ain't that the effing truth.
Australian attacked with swordfish snoutThe moral of the story: Bad guys will attack someone with something, even if it isn't a gun. Duh.
AP - Tue Jun 12, 10:15 PM ET
BRISBANE, Australia - Two assailants broke into a man's trailer and attacked him with a swordfish snout in eastern Australia early Wednesday, leaving the victim with cuts to his arms, back and hands, police said.
Man pinned under tree amputates his legToo bad this dude wasn't around at the time:
AP - Wed Jun 6, 9:43 PM ET
IOWA HILL, Calif. - Alone in the woods with his left leg pinned beneath a fallen tree for 11 hours, a 66-year-old man used pocket knives to cut off his limb below the knee to free himself, a neighbor and authorities said.
Chain saw-wielding man arrested in MaineBWAH!
AP - Thu Jun 7, 4:42 PM ET
HOWLAND, Maine - A man who waved a chain saw over his head, threatened motorists and did some impromptu pruning of local shrubbery was arrested at gunpoint.
Mich. man in wheelchair takes wild rideGood gawd. The visuals are priceless.
AP - Fri Jun 8, 5:57 AM ET Sent 1,214 times
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. - A 21-year-old man got the ride of a lifetime when his electric wheelchair became lodged in the grille of a semitrailer and was pushed down a highway for several miles at about 50 mph.
3 exposed to plutonium at Nevada siteYeah. Keep telling me how safe it is to transport nuclear waste across the country and store it at the test site. I'll believe you. Sure. The government is always honest in their dealings, right?
Thu Jun 7, 12:22 AM ET
LAS VEGAS - Authorities are investigating how three workers were exposed to radioactive plutonium during environmental restoration work at the Nevada Test Site, the National Nuclear Security Administration said.
Teacher gets new trial on classroom pornAgain I say. Where were those teachers when I was going to school? I could have used a good screening of smut in class.
AP - Wed Jun 6, 11:38 PM ET
NEW LONDON, Conn. - A judge granted a new trial Wednesday for a former substitute teacher convicted of allowing students to view pornography on a classroom computer.
"May God Bless the Ivory Coast."Damn straight. We wouldn't be getting all those fabulous offers to help import 20 brazillion dollars if it weren't for those nice folks.
NYC man charged in bow-and-arrow mishapIn case you're wondering about the title, 'The Nuge' - besides being pro-gun - is an avid bow hunter.
AP - Tue Jun 5, 6:05 PM ET
NEW YORK - A man celebrating his birthday with a bow and arrow in his apartment was charged with reckless endangerment after an errant shot shattered a window across the street, the district attorney's office said.
Man sues over long-lasting erectionBWAH!
AP - Tue Jun 5, 11:44 PM ET
NEW YORK - A man has sued the maker of the health drink Boost Plus, claiming the vitamin-enriched beverage gave him an erection that would not subside and caused him to be hospitalized.
Bill [O'Reilly] has a quiz on his website that if you take the quiz, AT&T will send a 20 minute phone card to the soldiers in Iraq . There might be a limit, but if so, please help reach it!I scored a lousy 4 out of 10. But a calling card will still be sent.
British women prefer chocolate to sex: pollBritish men probably do too. I mean, good gawd. Have you seen British women?
AFP - Tue Jun 5, 5:49 AM ET
LONDON (AFP) - More than half of British women prefer chocolate to sex, saying it can be depended on to give pleasure, according to a survey published Tuesday.
3 charged in Ill. high school food fightThe dumb-ass clutzy cop hurt himself tripping on someone as he was trying to catch the 'bad guy'. No story there.
AP - Sun Jun 3, 9:59 PM ET
AURORA, Ill. - A high school senior accused of starting a massive food fight that left a police officer injured was among three students arrested in the prank.
Man makes woman fill his SUV with gasWhat a dude.
AP - Mon Jun 4, 8:16 PM ET
SALT LAKE CITY - A woman was held up during a fill-up. The woman was pumping gasoline Sunday morning when a man stuck something in her back, told her it was a gun and ordered her to start filling up his sport utility vehicle instead of her own car, said Salt Lake City police Detective Jared Wihongi.
Man says he captured Loch Ness on filmAye, laddie. You'll be 'avin another pint now will ya'? Clear yer 'ead and take anotherrrrrrr picture forrrrr me now, guvna.
AP - Fri Jun 1, 4:58 AM ET Sent 445 times
EDINBURGH, Scotland - The Loch Ness monster is back — and there's video. A man has captured what Nessie watchers say is possible footage of the supposed mythical creature beneath Scotland's most mysterious lake.