"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Maybe Next Year

I think this cruise would be a hoot:
Shiprocked.
Of course, you would have to like big-hair 80's bands - which I do - to enjoy it.

On the bill are Queensryche, Tesla, Ratt, Skid Row, and some bands I've never heard of so I won't bother adding them to the list.

Anyway, I'm going to keep it in mind for next year.


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A Phunny

Via email:
A woman arrived at a party and while scanning the room noticed an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said "Hi. My name is Carmen."
"That's a nice name." he replied, "Is that a family name?"

"No." she said, "I gave it to myself. It represents the things I love most - cars and men. I gave it to myself."

"And what's your name?" she asked.

He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."
Yeah, I know. Ugh.





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Spam Subject of the Day

"Lend me your bike"
Fuck you. Get your own.



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Thursday, October 29, 2009

Electric Pizz Cutter?

Okay then.
Look. If I order a pizza from somewhere (no, I ain't going to waste the time and energy to make one by hand when there are 400 pizza delivery joints around) and your pizza is so tough I need a saw to cut it, you're going to be making another trip to my house, refund in hand.



More useless gadgets here. Although I do disagree
with the inclusion of the "Set it and forget it."
That thing is a wonderful contraption, and it gets much use at our household.

Don't knock it 'til you try it.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Anto-hangover"
Okay, I'll bite. What the hell is that?



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Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Spam Subject of the Day

"Look at her butt"
Every chance I get.



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Tuesday, October 27, 2009

A Conversation With The A/C Repairman

Me: "So, would you like to see the patient?"

Him: "Heh-heh. I sometimes think I do as much diagnosing as a doctor."
"Difference is, a doctor get to bury his mistakes. I have to fix mine."

Me: "Yeah, but you don't have to work on them while they're still running."



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Spam Subject of the Day

"You decide if they die or not"
Fucke 'em. Kill 'em all and let gawd sort 'em out.



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Monday, October 26, 2009

A Funny

Via email:
The lesbians next door asked me what I would like for my birthday.

I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex.

It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said,

“I wanna watch.”





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Spam Subject of the Day

"I did it for years"
Yup. So did I.



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Friday, October 23, 2009

Another Picture I Took

For your viewing pleasure:


Gee. What I lack in actual content I make up for in uselessness, right?


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Yo mate"
Yo. Now fuck off.



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Thursday, October 22, 2009

Just Because I Like The Picture





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Spam Subject of the Day

"Aren't you sick of this?"
Very much so. But I don't think you'll be stopping any time soon.



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Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Spam Subject of the Day

"Cigars and lighters"
I could use a good cigar right now.



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Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Another Conspiracy Theory Anyone?

Farrakhan suspicious of H1N1 vaccine
[...]
"The Earth can't take 6.5 billion people. We just can't feed that many. So what are you going to do? Kill as many as you can. We have to develop a science that kills them and makes it look as though they died from some disease," Farrakhan said, adding that many wise people won't take the vaccine.
[...]
Gee. What a surprise. He's been quiet for a while, I reckon it's about time he spouted off some more shit to get himself some attention.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"My stomach hurts"
My pussy hurts.



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Monday, October 19, 2009

Snake Oil! Git'cher Snake Oil Here!

Study: Wrist magnets, copper bracelets useless for relieving pain
But the motherfukkers are making a fortune selling them.

Wish I woulda thought of it.



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The 'King' Of The Blues

I keep hearing B.B. King being referred to as The King Of The Blues.

Sorry folks. Yes, he is one of the greats, and he's a living legend. But most of his songs are somewhat mediocre. Oh yeah? Give me the names of three of his songs.

Yes, "The Thrill Is Gone" is always going to be on everyone's list, so now name me two others. I'm guessing you can't without firing up Google.

Other 'King' artists such as Albert King, Freddie King recorded songs every bit as good as B.B. Then there are artists such as Albert Collins, Buddy Guy, Bobby Bland, John Lee Hooker, Kenny Wayne Shepard and Howlin' Wolf to name few, who have recorded TONS of great songs. All with different and unique licks and sounds.

Then there are all the old - I mean REAL old oldies. Blind Lemon Jefferson, Memphis Minnie, Robert Johnson, Etta James and Blind Blake.
These folks are some classics. Even though some of them only recorded a few songs, they are still legends. And I think a lot of the great blues performers get overlooked because of B.B.'s popularity.

Oh well. Not much point to the post other than if you like blues music, don't limit yourself to just the popular shit. As with any other music, dig into the archives a bit. You'll appreciate that you did.




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Spam Subject of the Day

"Time for some beer"
I'll go along with that.



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Friday, October 16, 2009

'Nuther Funny



Related.




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As AlGore Winks

Stockholm's bunnies burned to keep Swedes warm

The bodies of thousands of rabbits culled every year from the parks in Stockholm’s Kungsholmen neighbourhood are being used to fuel a heating plant in central Sweden.
[...]
Well, where do I begin.

Dead bunnies used for fuel. Now that's something I would never have contemplated. But I guess when you're being resourceful, you use what you have available.

But bunnies? I didn't think they had enough fat content to burn worth a shit.





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Just Because It Made Me Laugh

And because I hate cats.

Clickety....[Very SFW]

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Green Cheese

Lunar Impact! NASA Probe Slams Into Moon to Search for Water

[...]
The live feed of images that LCROSS was supposed to beam back to Earth–and that earthlings were waiting for with baited breath–didn’t arrive on schedule. Screens got fuzz and no immediate pictures of the crash or the six-mile plume of lunar dust that the mission was all about. NASA officials said their instruments were working, but the planned live photos were missing…. People who got up before dawn to look for the crash at Los Angeles’ Griffith Observatory threw confused looks at each other instead. Telescope demonstrator Jim Mahon called the celestial show “anticlimactic” .
[...]
Of course there ain't no pictures! It's a hoax!

When are these idiots going to get it through their thick sculls that there has never been a spacecraft anywhere near the moon?

Wake up, people!



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Welcome To The '60s

Interracial couple denied marriage license in La.
[...]
"I'm not a racist. I just don't believe in mixing the races that way," Bardwell told the Associated Press on Thursday. "I have piles and piles of black friends. They come to my home, I marry them, they use my bathroom. I treat them just like everyone else."
[...]
How generous of him to let them use his bathroom. I bet he even lets them drink from the same water fountain.

This story would have been much better if they were faggits.




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Spam Subject of the Day

"Yet another chain-letter"
At least you're up front about it.



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Thursday, October 15, 2009

Funny






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Of The Economy

Social Security makes it official: No COLA in 2010

WASHINGTON - There will be no cost of living increase for more than 50 million Social Security recipients next year, the first year without a raise since automatic adjustments were adopted in 1975, the government announced Thursday.
[...]
Welcome to the club. I haven't received a COLA or raise in about 3 years.



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Brain Fart?

NDOT updates its radio traffic reports
After our story about outdated radio traffic reports, the Nevada Department of Transportation has finally updated its highway information radio broadcast.

News 3's Steve Crupi uncovered that drivers tuning into AM 1610 for construction alerts were hearing information that was more than four months outdated.

Wednesday, a new message was recorded, giving drivers an easy hands-free method of checking on lane closures and detours.

The system may be phased out, however, as the state puts more emphasis on digital traffic news delivered over cell phones and the Internet.
Nice. What with all the emphasis on fucking paying attention to driving when you're - well, driving, the department of transportation is going to be sending texts of traffic to phones? And what about reading the updates on the internet? How else are you supposed to get the most current updates in your car?

Stupid Fucks



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Spam Subject of the Day

"A fabulous instrument will give you a fabulous reputation."
Well, it's been said I can work my dick like a Stratovarius.



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Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Gee Whiz

Pair convicted in bombing of Henderson clothing store

Two men were found guilty Friday of detonating chemical bombs at a Burlington Coat Factory in Henderson on April 21.
[...]
I like to sit in the chair with a steaming hot cup of coffee and watch the local news almost every morning before getting ready for work, and this is the first I've heard of this incident.
The relevance? This store is about 3 blocks from my house.

Must not have been all that newsworthy.

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Spam Subject of the Day

"Let's have fun"
Okay, here's an idea. Let's play hide and seek. You go hide, and I'll count to a million.



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Tuesday, October 13, 2009

A Funny

Via email:
Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live.
Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.

About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, 'Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?'
Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.

Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, 'Honey, please... just one more time before I die.'
She says, 'Of course, Dear,' and they make love for the third time.

After this session, the wife rolls over and falls to sleep.
Morris, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours.

He taps his wife, who rouses. 'Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could...'

At this point the wife sits up and says, 'Listen Morris, enough is enough I have to get up in the morning... you don't.'


Yeah, I know. "Ugh."



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Power for all the girls"
GIRL POWER!!! WOOHOO!!!



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Monday, October 12, 2009

Speaking Of Idiots

From some random blog I stumbled across:
Here are some things which will help when your willpower is very feeble, to ward off the urge to eat, or worse, binge!

  • Pinch your thigh and see how you don't need food, because you should be eating your own flesh all away from the inside first, before you are deserving of actual legitimate sustenance.
  • Go to the library. You can research dieting or whatever, or you can read the classics, or some of the aforementioned listerature. Or you can do homework, or write letters, but the beauty of it is, since no food or drink is allowed, you'll have no choice but to abstain from a meal.
  • Buy some baby teething gel and rub it on your tongue, to numb your tastebuds.
  • If you're even considering eating, just hold your breath and count to 100. Chances are that you'll convince youself not to eat whatever it is you're craving in that time.
  • The scent of coffee has been proven to lessen ones appetite.
  • Chew the food but don't swallow it. Spit it in the bin.
  • If you're feeling dangerous, plan out the next few hours so that you're occupied for every single minute. Write a list of things to do for every 15 minutes. eg. exercise, surf the internet, email your friends, clean a room, read a book.
  • If you're feeling brave enough to face the kitchen, go there and throw out any potential binge foods. If you must, pour bleach/disinfectant/dishwashing detergent on the food, and then throw it away! (Anorexics are known for retrieving food from bins, or stealing food from strange places).
  • Pinch your ear! Apply pressure to the front of the ear, one at a time. The front of the ear is apparently a pressure point, in the area that controls hunger.
  • Let perfume replace chocolate. Every time you have a craving, or pass a bakery, sniff some Chanel no. 5. Apply it to a tissue and carry it with you. Smell has a powerful effect on appetite.
  • Clean something. Cleaning something dirty can make you lose your appetite. The toilet, the litter box, under the kitchen sink, scrubbing out the garbage bin, anything grimy or smelly. The mess, along with the smell of the cleaner, can put you off food for a while.
  • Become a teenage artist. Write anorexic poetry, tragic little verses about bones and stomachs and evil evil capsicums. Anorexics are ever so creative. Collect pictures of skinny girls. Stick them all in your notebook. Draw pictures of painful bony girls with tear stained faces and their head in their hands (their spines sticking out). This will take up most of your time.
Okay, you fuckers need help.


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2012

Please. Someone. Give me a valid reason why anyone would actually believe the Mayan calendar says the end of the world is 2012?

If you're one of the dumb asses who does believe this, please. Do us all a favor by going around your house and removing all safety/warning stickers you can find on your tools and appliances. Let Darwin do his job.

Do you really believe that a civilization not together enough to maintain their own existence was smart or talented enough to see into the future?

Buncha suckers.

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[cough][cough] Bullshit [cough][cough]

Sick Iraq war veteran dies after being given smoker's cancerous lungs in transplant

An Iraq war veteran died after a hospital transplant gave him a pair of cancerous lungs donated by a smoker.

Matthew Millington, 31, a corporal in the Queen's Royal Lancers, had the operation to save him from an incurable lung condition.

But the donated organs - from someone who smoked 30 to 50 roll-up cigarettes a day - gave him cancer.
[...]
Uh, right. These doctors pull a set of lungs out of a dude who has been smoking 30 to 50 smokes a day and can't tell they're not fucked up?

Those people are just fucking stupid.

Sure, a light or occasional smoker's lungs may not have been as obvious. But 30 to 50 smokes a day?

First of all, the battery of test that would have - or at least should have - been run would have eliminated those lungs from the running. Not to mention they would have been visibly FUCKING BLACKER than an ordinary set of lungs.

Good ole socialized medicine.



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A Couple Pics I Took

Click to activate the embiggenator (new window):






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Spam Subject of the Day

" If you had a gold fish, you would ask for a bigger instrument."
Okay, you lost me on that one.



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Thursday, October 08, 2009

Spam Subject of the Day

"A bigger stick will put a bigger smile on your lover's face"
You reckon that's the sort of stick Roosevelt was talking about?



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Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Bugs

Why seniors are not getting swine flu
Senior citizens appear to have dodged the bullet when it comes to swine flu.

[...]
The medical director is not surprised, saying the fact that the elderly have lived longer, plays a key role.

"It's thought that they built up some immunity to past exposure," said Dr. Lisa Clark, medical director of Presbyterian Village.
[...]
My sentiments exactly.

Try as you might, you just can't avoid every single bug out there. You can wash your hands and apply sanitizer every time you take your rubber gloves off, and like it or not you will still be exposed to some cooties.

Granted, those precautions cut down on contracting a lot of bugs on various surfaces, but there are also critters floating around in the air.
Germ-o-phobes would do well on occasion to let themselves be exposed to more cooties, so their immune system could do its job and build up its strength to protect you down the line.

I get a chuckle out of some people I see. They commence to wiping down doorknobs, keyboards, armrests on chairs, telephones, ... everything people touch. If there's a plague of sort going around the office and Jane sneezes on her keyboard just before she's called me for some tech support, then yes. I have a tendency to wash my hands right after I touch it. But good gawd. You just can't shelter yourself from everything all the time.

Back in the old days when I was a coal miner, we had no running water. Well, we did, but it was pumped from a stagnant pond of water that had already circulated through the machinery and the mine. It was definitely not fit for culinary usage. You didn't want to use it to wash your hands. And hand sanitizer wasn't something that anyone used back in the 70's or 80's, so there was none of that around.

Your hands would usually be covered in coal dust, rock dust, hydraulic oil, WD-40 and so on. If you had to take a shit during your shift you wiped your ass, then rubbed your hands with some rock dust (pulverized limestone) to 'clean' them.

So come lunch time, whatever you ate with your fingers would end up having smudges of the days work on it. But you know what? You didn't give a shit. You were hungry, and you ate your lunch. Grit, grime and all.

I very rarely get sick. And I firmly believe that a part of that is due to not taking antibiotics any more than I have to, and not trying to sequester myself from all the world's ills. If I feel some sort of bug trying to get the better of me I'll down some zinc to help out the immune system, but going to the doctor is a last resort.

We have all sorts of new or mutated bugs on this planet mostly because people have tried to overprotect themselves or their kids, and the shit is catching up with us.


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A Funny

Via email:
A Husband and wife are out shopping in their local big box store. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'





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Frigidaire Is T3h Sux0rz - Cont... Again...

As an update to the update I did in yesterday's post, I have a shiny new dishwasher installed now.

This time I went with Kenmore. They had good reviews, and I've generally had good luck with Sears products. I've purchased other appliances there, and I've also purchased several tools - large and small, and have had good luck with those too.
On top of that there's a Sears about a block from the house.

I did however, buy an extended warranty to be safe. Fuck it. It's a racket and I hate, hate, hate buying 'consumer protection', since I believe that what they're saying up front is that even though they're selling a high dollar product, they don't think it will last more than a year. Even if they don't get what they want up front, they'll get it with repairs or a warranty.

But, with any luck, this one will last longer than the other three I've replaced.

Oh, and by the way, Frigidaire fucking sucks.

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Spam Subject of the Day

"Best Software You Could Ever Find."
You must be talking about the software I write.



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Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Frigidaire Is T3h Sux0rz - Cont...

Originally posted 8/24/05:
Don't buy Frigidaire appliances.

We remodeled our kitchen last year, and in the process purchased a new refrigerator, dishwasher, range and microwave. There was a deal going on if you bought the set, so we did.
They were in place less than a month when the water filter on the fridge started leaking and the ice maker quit working.
The fridge has a one year warranty, but the icemaker only had a 30 day warranty. What quality equipment. 30 fucking days? Yeah, that's confidence.
So I immediately purchased the extended warranty, something I usually don't do. But since the thing broke already, I figgered I had better buy it, then let them know it broke.
I went to the Frigidaire web site to find out who could come and fix the thing. There were a few local folks that would, but the soonest would be two weeks. Two effing weeks.
Well they finally got it fixed.

Now the oven don't work.
Again, the appliances have only been in place since April. I get to find someone to come fix the shit again.
Who'd-a thought. Ranges usually last years. This one broke within six months.

DON'T BUY FRIGIDAIRE SHIT!!!!


Update: They're coming to fix the shit saturday September 3rd. Nothing like prompt service.
It's a good thing I don't use the oven that often.


Now to the continued part...

So about a year after this post, the microwave quit. Dead as hell.
With all the bad reviews and high cost of fixing shit, I just replaced it. The new one has been working fine for the most part.

But Sunday evening, the dishwasher - yes, the FUCKING dishwasher decides to quit now too. Frigidaire is SHIT!!!
After perusing the web to see if I could find clues on how to fix it, the only things I found were bad reviews and various curses. Nothing on where to troubleshoot.
In fact, I found two threads where people said their Frigidaire dishwasher had caught fire and the people were glad they were home at the time or their house could have burned to the ground.
So that settled it. The dishwasher isn't even going to get checked into. It is going out to the curb. Fuck that. Even if I did fix it, I don't need the piece of shit catching the house on fire.

Oh, and one more time for the search engines:

Frigidaire Sucks!
Frigidaire is shit!
Frigidaire can kiss my ass!
Frigidaire can get fucked!
Frigidaire can go to hell!

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Spam Subject of the Day

"Clinton's diary!"
Whose? Bill's or Hitlary's?
Meh, not interested in either.


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Monday, October 05, 2009

Spam Subject of the Day

"How do it look now?"
Oh, it do look goodly.



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Friday, October 02, 2009

I Am ShitMan!

Cops: Feces-covered nude man jumps into man's pool

Wed Sep 30, 9:25 pm ET

STUART, Fla. - A Florida man is facing charges after authorities said he was naked and covered in feces when he broke into a resident's backyard and jumped into the pool.
[...]
What's the problem? With all that shit on him he probably just wanted a bath. Give the dud a break, would you?

Without even reading the story, I'm guessing alcohol was involved.

Good gawd. That must have been a sight.

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Fucking Nannies

Eating Candy in Childhood Linked to Adult Crime

Time.com – Fri Oct 2, 4:50 am ET Sent 904 times

A British study suggests a curious association between eating candy as a kid and committing violent crimes in adulthood Full Story »

[...]
Give me a fucking break. Who as a kid doesn't eat candy?

You dumb asses can link adult crime to any fucking childhood behavior if you try hard enough. It's like the six degrees of Kevin Bacon, or blaming global warming on the belly-button lint growing on fat women with goatees. If you twist it around enough, you'll find a connection.

Get a life already.

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Spam Subject of the Day

"We met once"
Once was probably enough.



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Thursday, October 01, 2009

Quote of the Day

I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself
Damn good idea.




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I Guess This Makes Me A Conservative

Via email:
The Difference Between “Us” And “Them”

If a conservative doesn’t like guns, they don’t buy one. If a liberal doesn’t like guns, then no one should have one.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, they don’t eat meat. If a liberal is, they want to ban all meat products for everyone.

If a conservative sees a foreign threat, they think about how to defeat the enemy. A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

If a conservative is homosexual, they quietly enjoy their life. If a liberal is homosexual, they loudly demand legislated respect.

If a black or Hispanic is conservative, they see themselves as independently successful. Liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.

If a conservative is down-and-out, they think about how to better their situation. A liberal wonders who is going to take care of them.

If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, they switch channels. Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, they don’t go to church. A liberal wants all churches to be silenced.

If a conservative decides they need health care, they go about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it. A liberal demands that their neighbors pay for it.





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Have They Lost Their Friggin' Mind?


Empire State Building lit for China, drawing ire

[...]
Journalist and blogger Marc Masferrer questioned legitimizing a government that continues to repress its citizens' freedoms, including their access to media and the Internet.

The only thing worse than lighting the fucker up to celebrate one of the most cruel governments in the world, would be to light it up in celebration of Kim Jong Il and his oppressive regime over the people of North Korea. Or maybe for Osama Bin Laden with him and his Taliban's control over the people of Afghanistan.

It really rubs my fur the wrong way to think that the owners of that building have even thought twice about pulling such a stupid fucking stunt.

Update: I snagged this 'toon from Protein Wisdom:




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Spam Subject of the Day

"Please, wash your car!"
Well, it does need a good douching.



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