"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Happy B'day To Me!

It's  my 50th!  WOOHOO!!!

Damn, I'm getting old.




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Thursday, July 29, 2010

[snerk]


Yes, that makes me hungry.

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And There You Have It

You are 10% hippie.
 

Ok, you conservative soul. Do you even believe in global warming? Loosen that necktie a little, and try some organic food. It actually does taste better. And go to a farmer's market--they're fun.

Are you a hippie?
Take More Quizzes



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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

From The "No Shit" Department

Airplane crash in Pakistan kills 152 people aboard

ISLAMABAD – A passenger jet crashed into the hills surrounding Pakistan's capital amid poor weather Wednesday, killing all 152 people on board and blazing a path of devastation strewn with body parts and twisted metal wreckage.
[...]
[my emphasis]

Uh, was it really necessary to point that out? What the fuck did you expect, a couple downed trees and a flat tire?


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Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Disgusting

This just makes me sick:
No, not because there is some big mean beast killing a lesser beast. Because the fucker is catching bigger fish than what I usually catch. It just isn't fair.

I know, shut up and quit bitching.
He's obviously better at it than me.


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Friday, July 23, 2010

Idea

Anyone up for a Gulf of Mexico vacation?



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Ask The Curmudgeon

DEAR CURMUDGEON: I have been seeing "Rodney" for four months. He is very nice, and we get along well. My problem is I am not totally attracted to him because of some dental issues.

Shortly after we started dating he told me he chews tobacco, which has contributed to his yellowing teeth. Because of this I find it hard to kiss him. Rodney has noticed it, but I told him I am not big on kissing -- which is really not the case.

How should I approach the subject with Rodney? This issue keeps me from completely falling for him. Please offer me some advice.

Turned Off
DEAR TURNED OFF: Stop being so superficial. So he don't have himself some pearly whites. At least he don't have meth mouth for fuck's sake. It's just bit of snuff.
And what's wrong with that? Didn't you ever swap DoubleMint with your boyfriend in high school? Why would that be any different than swapping a little Skoal?
That's right, get yourself "a little pinch between the cheek and gum" and you won't be so self conscious the next time you're swishing your tongue around his tonsils. As long as he don't drool or leave any chunks behind while he's licking your box, you'll be just fine.


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Poppy

I fucking love this song. Give it a listen when you have an extra 10 minutes or so:



I used this particular one because it sounds much better than the ones folks have posted from the live shows. But feel free to go to YouTube and watch some of the vids at your leisure.


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Thursday, July 22, 2010

Watta Nerd

So I finally got me a smart phone. In fact, it's one of these.
I never bothered with an iPhone, mostly because I don't like ATT. But when I heard my cell provider was coming out with something similar, the nerd in me reared its head and said "Curmudgeon, you are a techie. You should really get with the times."
So I did, and I'm glad of it. I've had it about a month now and I don't regret it a bit. In fact, my plan even costs less than if I would have gotten all the same features on my old plan.

My opinion? If you decide to get a smart phone, get the EVO.


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Wednesday, July 21, 2010

WOOHOO!

Star Trek Sequel Starts Filming in January

Source: Hollywood.com
July 20, 2010

Bruce Greenwood, who played Christopher Pike in J.J. Abrams' Star Trek, revealed to Hollywood.com that filming on the sequel will start in January.
[...]
Yes, I like Star Trek. All the iterations; O.S., T.N.G., Enterprise, Voyager, D.S. Nine, the movies and even the fucking Saturday morning cartoons. On top of that, I even read some of the Star Trek paperbacks!

You got a problem wi' dat?

Anyway, I thought the last movie was excellent. With any luck, the next one will be too. There is very little Sci-fi that entertains me these days. It's all too - I dunno. Wretched? Predictable? Sleep inducing?


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Never Bring A Gun To A Baseball Bat Fight

This story is full of win.

I was listening to a local FM station this morning as I was prepping myself for work. The DJs were delivering the news as is their wont every morning about the same time.
It turns out that Homey ran out of money and smokes, and went to a gas station/quickie mart out in North Town to replenish his supply of both. Trouble is, Homey attempted to do this packing a gun rather than a an ATM card. (North Town for those of you who are unfamiliar is North Las Vegas, which is our own little Detroit).

So the clerk raises his hands and lets Homey behind the counter to gather up what he wanted. About then two customers came in the store, saw the gun-toting hoodlum, turned around and walked out again. This however, provided just enough distraction to Homey that the clerk had time to grab a baseball bat from under the counter and bash his fucking brains in. Score one for the clerk.
Homey is currently lying in a hospital bed, in a coma.

Too bad the clerk didn't have a gun under the counter instead though.


Oh, and the 'Spam Subject of the Day'? Bah. Got sick of it. Unless there's one that really shines, I won't waste the time any more.


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Tuesday, July 20, 2010

It's A Sad Day

Currently, one of my favorite shows is criminal Minds. And one of my favorite characters from the show is "JJ".

Now I find out she's quitting?!?!?!?:
FBI BAU Supervisory Special Agent Jennifer "JJ" Jareau
Played by AJ Cook, Jareau acts as the team's liaison with the media and local police agencies. She is dating William LaMontagne, a New Orleans Police Officer. The two have a son together, Henry. She will not be returning as a series regular in season 6, due to the production company opting not to renew A.J. Cook's contract,[2] but she will return for two episodes to wrap up her storyline.[3]
She's purdy.




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Spam Subject of the Day

"hello"
Hi. Fuck off.

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Monday, July 19, 2010

The Economy

Some old, some new to me.
Via email:
The economy is so bad that…

…I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

…African television stations are now showing ' Sponsor an American Child' commercials!

…Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can' t afford batteries.

…I ordered a burger at McDonald' s and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

…CEO' s are now playing miniature golf.

…Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

…My ATM gave me an IOU!

…A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

…I saw a polygamist with only one wife.

…I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with purchase was a bank.

…If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

…McDonald' s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

…Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

…Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.

…My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

…A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

…Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

…A picture is now only worth 200 words.

…They renamed Wall Street "Wal-Mart Street."

…When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

…The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

…Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
Sad but true.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Best Mark"
Huh?

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Friday, July 16, 2010

Spam Subject of the Day

"PHOTOGRAPHY SCHOOLS"
Bah, I get get plenty of pictures off the web.


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Thursday, July 15, 2010

Seriuosly?

Do you really think you're attractive by doing that shit?


You're a fucking freak.

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Spam Subject of the Day

"PenisSize Advice For Men With a SmallPenis"
Good to know that it's not for women with a SmallPenis.


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Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Buzzard Bait

Search for men on Ariz treasure hunt enters day 3
PHOENIX – Rescue workers were searching a rugged Arizona wilderness area for a third day in triple-digit temperatures Tuesday for three Utah men who went missing while looking for the legendary Lost Dutchman Gold Mine.
[...]
Let's see now. You're no spring chicken (51-67 years old). One would think that you would be smart enough to NOT go hiking on very inhospitable terrain in the middle of an Arizona summer.
One would also think that you would have learned your lesson if you had to be rescued a year ago for trying the same fucking thing.

Darwin is grinning from ear to ear right now.


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Phunny

That's entertainment:
Beatles tribute band sues competitor in federal court

[...]
By using “Fab 4,” the defendants are “attempting to trade” on the reputation and success of The Fab Four, the lawsuit states. The Fab Four is asking the court to prevent the Fab 4 from using any trademark that sounds like “Fab Four” and is seeking monetary damages.

In other words, The Fab Four doesn’t want The Fab 4 cashing in on The Fab Four’s cashing in on the Beatles.

Because the names are similar, the lawsuit claims, people who are looking for The Fab Four on the Internet wind up going instead to The Fab 4’s website, and the situation is causing confusion among “consumers searching” for The Fab Four’s “entertainment services.”

So it may take a judge to force the two sides to “Come Together.” Maybe they can leave the courthouse singing “We Can Work It Out.”
[my emphasis]
WTF? You're both tribute bands. Neither of you are talented enough to write your own shit, so you try to make a buck copying someone else's shit. Just shut up and sing.



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Spam Subject of the Day

" Esquire featured this product"
That's swell.

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Tuesday, July 13, 2010

For Freddie

Sorry, this is as good as it gets:



'Cause she wanted to see pictures.

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Spam Subject of the Day

"How are you feeling"
Like I want to kick some spammer ass.

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Monday, July 12, 2010

I Need A Vacation




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Jeebus Loves His Children

No matter who y'are. 


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Youll be satisfied with the results"
I would be even more satisfied if you would fuck off.

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Friday, July 09, 2010

Spam Subject of the Day

"Rent contract"
Sorry folks, I've owned a home for 20-odd years now.

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Thursday, July 08, 2010

Spam Subject of the Day

"Member [me] 80% discount continues"
Uh, I'm not a member.

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Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Amazing

For those of you who dine on fast food occasionally for lunch, and who may not know this, the Sourdough Steak Melt from Jack/Box is the shit. That is one spiffy fast food invention.

I could quite possibly be addicted.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Buy Cheap Rep1icaWatches and FakeWatches here"
Will they give me a bigger dick?

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Tuesday, July 06, 2010

I Need This T-Shirt


Gave me a good giggle.

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History Lesson

Via email:
DO you know what happened 160 years ago this fall... back in 1850?

California became a state.
The people had no electricity.
The state had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gunfights in the streets.

So basically nothing has changed except then the women had real tits and the men didn't hold hands.

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6th Of July

So here's hoping you all had a wonderful 4th of July.

We had a fair one ourselves. Food, fun, fluids and fireworks of course.

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Spam Subject of the Day

"xzssufkfehg gtxanyt"
Absolutely.


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Friday, July 02, 2010

Spam Subject of the Day

"Become an expert in forensics"
Hey, I watch teevee. I already am an expert.

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Thursday, July 01, 2010

Good Gawd

Maggots force plane back to gate in Atlanta

Wed Jun 30, 5:15 pm ET

ATLANTA - Maggots falling from an overhead bin from a spoiled container of meat forced a US Airways flight to return to the gate so the bin could be cleaned.
[...]
It takes a lot to gross me out.

Mrs Curmudgeon is in the medical field. She can talk about blood, puke, open sores and puss at the dinner table and I can just go on eating supper. But seeing maggots just gags me.

They would probably have had to hold me back from kicking the door open and jumping out of that plane.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"No more carnal malfunction"
What's this? An edumacated spammer?

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