Happy Halloween

It was good. Good party Saturday, plenty of tricky-treaters Sunday.

But listen kids, if you're a girl and you're old enough to fill a 'C' cup, you may be too old for trick or treating.
If you're a boy and you are driving a car from house to house, you may be too old for trick or treating.

I know there is really no age limit but come now. We had these types and they were too old.

Huh? Wha'dya Say?

Study: 1 in 5 US teenagers has slight hearing loss

Tue Aug 17, 9:31 pm ET

CHICAGO - A stunning one in five teens has lost a little bit of hearing, and the problem has increased substantially in recent years, a new national study has found.
[...]

Isn't this isn't a repeat from 1950, 1960, 1970, ... ?

And in case you have no idea what I'm talking about, here's a boy and a chicken.

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Funny

Has anyone out there ever done this sort off shit? Thrown eggs, water balloons, anything else at cars - or people for that matter?
I will admit, back in my younger days, I did. On more than one occasion.

In fact, one day a friend and I were driving around tossing 'projectiles' at other cars. We got noticed by law enforcement personnel and had our bucket of water balloons confiscated by the sheriff. He told us however, that we could follow him to his office and retrieve our bucket if we were of a mind to.
Which, like dumb shits, we actually did follow him and asked for it back. After all, it wasn't ours, it was my friends' parents' bucket and we didn't want to answer to them for losing it, lest they find out where it was and why it was missing.
And even more interesting was the fact that the sheriff actually gave it back - less the balloons, with only a word of warning that we not pursue our hobby any more.
We listened most intently to his advice, and shaken but relieved, we took our empty our bucket and followed his instructions to the letter.
Anyway, I digress...

At least the people in the cars we nailed weren't as crazy as this dude. In an article from our local fishwrap, some punk-assed teens were throwing eggs at a car which happened to be occupied by a nut.
Well, he didn't like it so he started shooting at the tires. Or so he said.

See? That's why you don't go out and be a punk-assed kid. You just never know who you may run across. It just may be someone who ain't going to put up with your shit.

Of course if someone is throwing eggs at you, replying with a gun is probably not the wisest choice either.

Little bastards ain't going to be out egging anyone else for a spell though, I'm guessing.



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Another Rocket Surgeon

Wis. man gets probation in dirty diaper theft

Just ... what the fuck?

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What? It Wasn't An Airplane Crash?

911 call: Syringe, pills next to Slipknot bassist

DES MOINES, Iowa – The hotel employee who found Slipknot bassist Paul Gray dead in his room told a 911 operator that there was a hypodermic needle next to Gray's bed and there were "all kinds of pills everywhere."
[...]

Why am I not surprised?



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The Good, The Bad, The Stupid

Are they going to kill me or not?

Cellphones may protect brain from Alzheimer's

2 hrs 45 mins ago Sent 1,014 times

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A study in mice suggests using cellphones may help prevent some of the brain-wasting effects of Alzheimer's disease, U.S. researchers said on Wednesday.
[...]

First they cause cancer, then they don't, then they do, then they prevent Alzheimer's, what's next?
Are they going to cure AIDS or give me AIDS?
Are they going to cause tuberculosis or prevent it?

How about you 'study'ers just shut the fuck up.

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A Pat On The Back

Homeowner kills invader, the second such case in three days

For the second time in three days a home invasion suspect has been shot and killed by a Las Vegas homeowner.

Police say that about 2 a.m. Saturday two armed suspects broke into a northwest valley home near Durango and Grand Teton drives.

One of the suspects grabbed a 13-year-old boy. The noise alerted his father who grabbed a handgun and waited for the suspects to make their appearance.

Police say the suspect released the boy and walked toward the room where the man was poised with his weapon. The father then jumped out and shot the suspect once in the chest, killing him. The other suspect fled and remains at large.

On Thursday, another homeowner gunned down an intruder after he kicked open the man's door near Rancho and Vegas drives.

Rancho and Vegas. One of the shittiest parts of town.

Anyway, glad to hear this. Another thing the economy has done for us is drastically increase the number of home invasions.
However, there are a few bad guys thinking twice when news like this gets around.

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Speaking Of Idiots

From some random blog I stumbled across:

Here are some things which will help when your willpower is very feeble, to ward off the urge to eat, or worse, binge!

• Pinch your thigh and see how you don't need food, because you should be eating your own flesh all away from the inside first, before you are deserving of actual legitimate sustenance.
• Go to the library. You can research dieting or whatever, or you can read the classics, or some of the aforementioned listerature. Or you can do homework, or write letters, but the beauty of it is, since no food or drink is allowed, you'll have no choice but to abstain from a meal.
• Buy some baby teething gel and rub it on your tongue, to numb your tastebuds.
• If you're even considering eating, just hold your breath and count to 100. Chances are that you'll convince youself not to eat whatever it is you're craving in that time.
• The scent of coffee has been proven to lessen ones appetite.
• Chew the food but don't swallow it. Spit it in the bin.
• If you're feeling dangerous, plan out the next few hours so that you're occupied for every single minute. Write a list of things to do for every 15 minutes. eg. exercise, surf the internet, email your friends, clean a room, read a book.
• If you're feeling brave enough to face the kitchen, go there and throw out any potential binge foods. If you must, pour bleach/disinfectant/dishwashing detergent on the food, and then throw it away! (Anorexics are known for retrieving food from bins, or stealing food from strange places).
• Pinch your ear! Apply pressure to the front of the ear, one at a time. The front of the ear is apparently a pressure point, in the area that controls hunger.
• Let perfume replace chocolate. Every time you have a craving, or pass a bakery, sniff some Chanel no. 5. Apply it to a tissue and carry it with you. Smell has a powerful effect on appetite.
• Clean something. Cleaning something dirty can make you lose your appetite. The toilet, the litter box, under the kitchen sink, scrubbing out the garbage bin, anything grimy or smelly. The mess, along with the smell of the cleaner, can put you off food for a while.
• Become a teenage artist. Write anorexic poetry, tragic little verses about bones and stomachs and evil evil capsicums. Anorexics are ever so creative. Collect pictures of skinny girls. Stick them all in your notebook. Draw pictures of painful bony girls with tear stained faces and their head in their hands (their spines sticking out). This will take up most of your time.

Okay, you fuckers need help.


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Bugs

Why seniors are not getting swine flu
Senior citizens appear to have dodged the bullet when it comes to swine flu.

[...]
The medical director is not surprised, saying the fact that the elderly have lived longer, plays a key role.

"It's thought that they built up some immunity to past exposure," said Dr. Lisa Clark, medical director of Presbyterian Village.
[...]

My sentiments exactly.

Try as you might, you just can't avoid every single bug out there. You can wash your hands and apply sanitizer every time you take your rubber gloves off, and like it or not you will still be exposed to some cooties.

Granted, those precautions cut down on contracting a lot of bugs on various surfaces, but there are also critters floating around in the air.
Germ-o-phobes would do well on occasion to let themselves be exposed to more cooties, so their immune system could do its job and build up its strength to protect you down the line.

I get a chuckle out of some people I see. They commence to wiping down doorknobs, keyboards, armrests on chairs, telephones, ... everything people touch. If there's a plague of sort going around the office and Jane sneezes on her keyboard just before she's called me for some tech support, then yes. I have a tendency to wash my hands right after I touch it. But good gawd. You just can't shelter yourself from everything all the time.

Back in the old days when I was a coal miner, we had no running water. Well, we did, but it was pumped from a stagnant pond of water that had already circulated through the machinery and the mine. It was definitely not fit for culinary usage. You didn't want to use it to wash your hands. And hand sanitizer wasn't something that anyone used back in the 70's or 80's, so there was none of that around.

Your hands would usually be covered in coal dust, rock dust, hydraulic oil, WD-40 and so on. If you had to take a shit during your shift you wiped your ass, then rubbed your hands with some rock dust (pulverized limestone) to 'clean' them.

So come lunch time, whatever you ate with your fingers would end up having smudges of the days work on it. But you know what? You didn't give a shit. You were hungry, and you ate your lunch. Grit, grime and all.

I very rarely get sick. And I firmly believe that a part of that is due to not taking antibiotics any more than I have to, and not trying to sequester myself from all the world's ills. If I feel some sort of bug trying to get the better of me I'll down some zinc to help out the immune system, but going to the doctor is a last resort.

We have all sorts of new or mutated bugs on this planet mostly because people have tried to overprotect themselves or their kids, and the shit is catching up with us.


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LVMPD (PoPo)

If you're planning a trip to Las Vegas, whatever you do, don't piss off the cops. Or the TSA.

I just took a little ride to a remote site our company has an affiliation with. The thermometer on my truck registered roughly 105 degrees outside right now. The sun is shining, not a cloud in the sky, no breeze to speak of. It's fucking hot out. Again.
The drive took me past the area near the airport where if you're so inclined, you can park your car and watch the planes take off and land.

Well, when I drove by there, the cops had some poor schmuck standing in front of their car cuffed. He was wearing short and shoes, but no shirt. I went to my destination, did my work and was returning to my office, which took me past that parking lot roughly 45 minutes later. The cops still had the poor bastard standing in front of their car, cuffed. I suppose to prevent sunburn, they had thrown a jacket over his shoulders. A black jacket.

That dude must have really fucked up.

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Bumfuckistan - UPDATE

As previously mentioned in this post, I have a nephew in the service who was stationed in Afghanistan.
I got the word today that he is back in the states safe and sound.

Glad to hear it "J", and thanks.


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My Head Asplode

Video of Jackson 1984 Pepsi burn accident surfaces

NEW YORK – Us Weekly magazine has obtained video it says shows never-before-seen footage of Michael Jackson's head catching on fire during filming of his 1984 Pepsi commercial.
[...]

That bastard danced like a mutherfucker in that video. BWAAAAHHH!!!

Good think he was wearing that glove. He woulda burnt his fingers too.


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News From Bumfuckistan

I hadn't mentioned this before, and I'm not exactly sure why, but I have a nephew who is currently stationed in Afghanistan.
He has been there several months - at his own behest. He has been a voluntary employee of Uncle Sam for quite a few years, formerly in the Army, and most recently in the Army Reserves.
He requested an overseas stint as a career move, and has already requested another when this one is up in another couple weeks.

We got news last week that his company had been in a firefight and a couple of his buds had ended up being treated for some minor wounds. He also ended up being treated for smoke inhalation and what they at first thought was a broken arm. Turns out, it was quite a bad bruise, but no break. And no bullet holes.

So like I said, his current stint is almost up, but we of course, won't totally relax until he is back.

In the meantime 'J', keep low. And thanks.


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Glass-hoppa

I just can't help but comment on this:

Thai police: Carradine death may be accidental

40 minutes ago

BANGKOK - The body of American actor David Carradine, best known for the 1970s TV series "Kung Fu," was found in a hotel room closet with a rope tied to his neck and genitals, and his death may have been caused by accidental suffocation, Thai police said Friday.
[...]

Those of you who don't see the connection of the title to this story have never seen the old teevee series, "Kung Fu". Look it up.

Anyway, what a way to go. What a legacy to leave your family. Death by hanging, most likely self inflicted.

I guess I just don't understand the fascination with having a brush with death while jerking off, but it seems to be all the rage. Usually with the younger set though.

Another thing that cracks me up about this scenario is the movie Carradine was there making was named "Stretch". I guess he did some stretching all right. Stretched his neck while stretching his dick.





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I'm Noth Ash Thimk As You Pergnant I Am

I had an abortion. (And I don't regret it!)

This is the story of my abortion. If you're against abortion or you are easily grossed out by talk of graphic surgical procedures, don't read. :)

I had an abortion last month. It was probably the hardest choice I've ever had to make. I love children and I want to be a mother SO badly. Call me unfeminist if you will, but my dream is to have that white picket fenced house in the suburbs with a pack of kids, a husband, and a bunch of pets. I'm 21 years old, I don't have a steady job or a car or my own house, my boyfriend and I have only been together for 6 months, my health is crap, I'm a borderline alcoholic, yada yada yada. So really, bad time to have a baby. I am not a fan of adoption - I've heard far too many horror stories, and I couldn't send my baby out in the world to be raised by someone else who might not be a good parent. If anyone's going to fuck up my kids, it's going to be me!, and given my health and drinking, it would have been likely that I and/or my child would have been seriously damaged by the pregnancy.
[...]

Good for you, doll. I'm glad you had enough sense to rid your body of the little intruder. How inconsiderate of the nasty little fucker to get in the way of your drinking!

I'm sure Captain Morgan, Adolph Coors, Mogan David and maybe even the city of Lynchburg, Tennessee collectively appreciate your sacrifice.

h/t Protein Wisdom

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Fuck Me.

What the hell is the world coming to?:

Students suspended for making slingshots

PITTSBURGH, April 28 (UPI) -- A Pittsburgh elementary school said five fourth-graders were suspended on weapons charges for making slingshots from pencils, rubber bands and paper clips.

Principal Kathi Shirey of Fawn Elementary School said a teacher and three students were hit by paper clips launched from the slingshots, created by the children from their school supplies, WPXI-TV, Pittsburgh, reported. The teacher and students were not injured.

"Everyone uses pencils while in school, but you would never think someone would use them to create a weapon, but that's exactly how the district sees it," Shirey said. "It's an object that could have caused serious injury."

The principal said the school district could have expelled the students for an entire school year, but due to their ages, they were only suspended for one day and one of their scheduled field trips was taken away.

However, Melanie Chelko, mother of one of the suspended students, said the punishment was still too harsh.

"This was not a weapon to them. This was a toy," she said.

Chelko said her son "came home and cried for three hours on the couch because he was suspended. That was torment enough for him."

Next they'll be making hand grenades out of snow and launching them at other innocent children. And cars. And windows.

At least when I made shit like that in school I had enough sense to not shoot the damn things at the teacher.

Dumb fucks.



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Fucking Hangovers

No, I'm talking about a fucking hangover, I'm talking about a fucking hangover:

FDA to allow 'morning-after' pill for 17-year-olds

WASHINGTON - Women's groups cheered the government's decision to allow 17-year-olds to buy the "morning-after" emergency contraceptive without a doctor's prescription, but conservatives denounced it as a blow to parental supervision of teens.
[...]

I wish they would have had that shit when I was a punk-assed kid back in the day. I could have had a lot more action with a lot less worry.

Of course this will put a serious dent in the early pregnancy test manufacturing business.


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Soooo.....

I was listening to the radio this morning whilst getting ready for work, which is my norm, and the morning D.J.s fielded a phone call from a listener who requested a song. The listener - a woman - asked them to play "Fly to the Angels" by Slaughter.

But that's not the point of this post. The point is, the woman is nuts. The 'son' is probably better off having been aborted.

The woman went on to say that today is the day she, her son and her daughter all celebrate what would have been the birth of 'Jason'. (I think that was the name she used.)
Every year for the last eight years, they have a little party, go to Chuck-E-Cheese's, bake a cake, the works.

But wait! There's more!

Now of course, I don't know the circumstances. She may have sat down to take a piss and out 'Jason' came. Which I'm guessing is the most likely scenario, because 'Jason' resides in a pickle jar in the same room as one of her sons.
That's right, Junior gets to go to bed every night and enjoy the company of 'Jason'. On a shelf. In a pickle jar. The daughter at least gets her own room, but good gawd. It's bad enough the woman is nuts, but what the fuck is her son turn out to be like?

Makes me wonder.



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Get A Brain Morans

Police: Hoax Led Workers To Spray Extinguisher, Disrobe
[...]
The employees told police that the restaurant got a call from someone claiming to be from corporate headquarters who asked them to test their fire suppression system. When they did and reported that they had chemicals from the extinguisher on their clothes, the caller told them they needed to take their clothes off.

The workers said they became suspicious when the caller then told them to urinate on each other.
[...]

Makes me wonder if PETA wasn't behind the ordeal.




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Then On The Other Hand

Quote from a random blog:

"Ugh I have no idea what I should do my friend alex still likes me and I still like him but ugh Noah keeps ditching me at school and he'll act all sad and I'll ask him what's wrong and he won't tell but yet he says he don't care if I know and he getting all pissed when people say anything about me being bisexual even when it's not bad and I don't care and he showing pics of me and him from the movies and it just pissing me off ugh then today I did scene hair and like he was being a jerk about it like saying what your even more scene now and Erg he's just making me mad and he called me fat the other day and he gets high like every day grrrrrrr am I fat???????"

No, just stupid.

Reminds me of a T-shirt I saw once on a somewhat LARGE-ish girl in college:

"I may be fat, but you're stupid. And I can diet."

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