Home Alone

Fri Jul 21, 12:06 PM ET

DEAR MARGO: I am a teenager and have a problem with my parents. My mom is 44, and my dad is 50. Recently, they've started going out and basically partying all the time.

My mom says she has raised kids for 30 years and she is done doing it. (There are six kids, and I'm not the youngest.) I feel like I am raising two teenagers. When I try to talk to them about it they say, 'Oh, you are just like your sister. You don't want us to have any fun. And besides, we never got to be teenagers.'

They have a 15- and a 13-year-old at home, so I don't think they are done raising kids -- and if they are, I'm ready to move out. I have a place to go, and I was just wondering, how do I get them to realize they aren't kids? -- TOO YOUNG FOR ALL THIS

DEAR TOO YOUNG...: So what's the problem? Do what other kids your age do and take advantage of the situation. Damn! You've a golden fucking opportunity there! You could party, get high, throw an orgy, whatever you want. Have your girlfriend over, maybe invite some friends and have a quiet game of strip poker or naked twister!

As for your younger siblings, feed them some mac and cheese, get them good and drunk, and they'll go to bed early. You won't even have to worry about them the rest of the night.

When I was your age, my parents were all uptight about me doing homework and shit, never letting me have any fun. I never had the chance like you do now. Get busy! You're a teen for gawd's sake. Act like one!

Loosely quoted of course.