Another Rocket Surgeon

You stupid mutherfukker:

Man's penis freed from metal pipe with industrial grinder

[...]
The fire crew turned up with a special equipment unit from St Mary's station in Southampton and seven firefighters to help, in what a spokesman understatedly described as a 'delicate operation'.

The firefighters used the four-and-a-half-inch industrial metal grinder to cut the pipe from around the anaesthetised man's penis.

The man, thought to be aged around 40, did not explain to hospital staff how exactly the pipe got stuck around his penis, after he presented himself at the hospital's Accident & Emergency department on Tuesday morning. He was said to be 'quite concerned and anxious'.
[...]

Seven firefighters? Uh, one or two may have been able to do the job, no?

Anyway, being of the male gender, I am still amazed/befuddled/flabbergasted that there are some guys out there so fucking hard up that they'll go a stick their dick in any hole that happens to be around. Pipe, vacuum, tree trunk, park bench, you name it and it's been violated by some dude too stupid to just go jerk off.

I mean, for hell's sake. Does a fucking pipe look that enticing? A vacuum hose looks that sexy that you you pop a woody just eyeballing the opening?

This idiot deserves every nickname and put-down he gets the rest of his life.



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Idiot Day

During the daily commute today, which I must point out is roughly 15 minutes one way, I was in the very best lane on the whole fucking street. That would be my guess at least because I had no less than 4 people try to merge into my lane, with me in their way. My horn honking hand is already tired.

Now people, might I suggest you get yourself a few sips of piping hot freshly brewed coffee before you try to make your way to work? Maybe read the paper or watch the news for a few minutes before you head out the door? Wake yourself up a bit?

And, most cars nowadays have three mirrors. Most likely, there is one on the driver's side door, one on the passenger's side door, and one right there in front, above the dashboard, in the middle of your fucking windshield.

Find them. Use them. Love them. Please. Fer chryssakes. Pay a-fucking-ttention or stay the hell home.


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Defendants Are The New Victims

This link was sent to me by Random Thoughts:

Victims less 'important' than defendants: magistrate

[...]
"We seem to have developed a habit of putting cases down for where the victim lives," he said. "It's not the victim who's important, it's the defendant, who has to get to court."
[...]

Uh, yeah. That's it. The bad guy is the one who was wronged.

That makes a lot of fucking sense.



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Stereotypes And The Law

Fire chief shot by cop in Ark. court over tickets
JERICHO, Ark. – It was just too much, having to return to court twice on the same day to contest yet another traffic ticket, and Fire Chief Don Payne didn't hesitate to tell the judge what he thought of the police and their speed traps.

The response from cops? They shot him. Right there in court.
[...]

"You don't trust your soul to no backwoods southern lawyer..."

You would think that in this day and age, even beer-bellied, hick town cops would be smarter than this. Evidently not. This brings to mind an incident of my youth.

Back in the day, I lived in a small farm community of 5,000 or so people. The sheriff's department used to patrol our town along with the rest of the county. They were typical small town cops, bored, and willing to write a ticket for the smallest of infractions just to belay that boredom.
The town was a fast growing boom town at the time, due to a couple coal fired power plants being built in the area, as well as several coal mines starting up and others ramping up production of coal in order to fuel these new power plants.

Eventually, the town acquired sufficient money to fund their very own police force. The town of course, sought personnel and ended up with a bunch of local yokels to man this force. With no prior law enforcement experience but a quick training course, they were now 'qualified' civil servants. They were on the prowl for the slightest and the most menial of 'crimes' with which to pop a perp.

So one night, in fact, the evening before the beginning of the county fair (which was held in our town), a few of us small-town boys got our heads together and thought "What sort of practical joke can we muster to play upon these hapless morons?", which will display a harmless protest and voice our dislike and disgust toward the under qualified, dumb-assed hic cops?

So here's what we did. (The statute if limitations should have expired years ago, and I also doubt any of these morons are still alive or living in the area.)
We stole an old wooden outhouse from some farm - moon on the door and all - and created a sign to hang above the door with the verbiage of "Wipe Out [town name] City Cops". We loaded in the back of someone's pickup, scurried to the courthouse, unloaded the outhouse on the lawn, and scurried back to whoever's house we had originally congregated.

Well, it caused more of a raucous than any of ever dreamed possible. Several boys from the town who had nothing at all to do with the joke were taken into custody and questioned extensively. Of course, they had no clue as to who it was or when it was placed. They were fucking sweating bullets. As were we when we found out the magnitude of the ire we had inflicted upon the police department.

Some of us later saw the offending shitter dumped at the landfill, and were quite disappointed the thing was so relentlessly discarded of. Never to be used in another practical joke job.

Awww, good times in the country. Good times.


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Almost A Darwin Award

BWAH!!!!!:

Driver lights cigarette near propane tank, torches car

A Coeur d’Alene man was hospitalized Friday after setting his car on fire in a motel parking lot.

Michael R. Brandt, 41, suffered burns and totaled his car after lighting a cigarette while inside the vehicle; a full propane tank sat in the passenger seat, police said.

Witnesses at the Cedar Motel, 316 Coeur d’Alene Lake Dr., pulled Brandt, 41, from his burning 1992 Lumina about 2:24 p.m.

Coeur d’Alene firefighters extinguished the blaze, and Brandt was transported to Kootenai Medical Center emergency room, where he was still being evaluated at 4:30 p.m.

It is absolutely impossible for me to find the slightest inkling of sympathy for someone so fucking stupid.

Sorry dude, you deserved a lot worse. I'm just glad you didn't have any passengers to take with you.




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Yeah. Right.

Michael Jackson hailed as greatest entertainer, best dad

BWAAAAAHHHHHH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAAAA-HA-HA-HA....


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Even More From The Thread That Refuses To Die...

Way back in September of '05, I did this post:
Top 50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs

Well, another - or maybe the same - anonymous idiot (I didn't bother checking the IP, as I really don't care) added a couple more comments. To wit:

Anonymous said...

If you don't 'give a flying fuck of anyone else's opinion of you or your music tastes or whether you've heard the songs or not' why did you feel it necessary to post not only the original blog but a series of increasingly insane and rambling statements defending yourself? No one actually cares what is on your Ipod you idiot, the comments were regarding why you felt it necessary to tell the world that you haven't heard 27 songs?

Mon May 11, 04:45:00 AM PDT


Anonymous said...

And by the way, you are a complete loser. I mean:

Fuck it. That's enough to see there is a variety of artists starting clear back in the 40's through modern times. All genres except hippity-rap-hop and country. I like a wide variety of music and always have. Maybe you young myspace-cruising whippersnappers think I'm narrow minded and have no life and that's just fine with me. Like I said before, go fuck yourself.
Maybe you need to take a music appreciation class or learn to play a musical instrument instead of seeing how friends you can add to your friends list. Maybe then you'll learn what music - real fucking music - is about rather than fill your mindless ears with whatever talentless clone the music industry tries to sell the mindless public while they're selling Red Bull and rubbers to you young, punk-ass airheads.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You fucking suck buddy. That is so far off topic it's hilarious. Admit it... you forgot what you were rambling about half way through didn't you?

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Get a life.

Mon May 11, 04:45:00 AM PDT

Good gawd. You are so fucking entertaining, you really give me a giggle! I appreciate it! It's like watching a toddler trying to put the square block in the round hole, the dumbfounded look on its face while moving the block from side to side, turning this way and that, all the time drooling on the its little Pooh Bear shirt.
I can picture you on your keyboard the same way!
Your fingers moving around the keyboard trying to make words, all the while drooling on the keys, the blank look in your eyes. You eventually manage to make a word, giggle with pride while clapping your hands thinking you've really put me in my place this time, then go beat off in moms bathroom at the glee and pride of your accomplishment.

Well done!

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From The "No Shit" Files

Report: Most Americans in areas with unhealthy air
Wed Apr 29, 6:28 AM ET

LOS ANGELES - Sixty percent of Americans live in areas with unhealthy air pollution levels, despite a growing green movement and more stringent laws aimed at improving air quality, the American Lung Association said in a report released Wednesday.[...]

It took a real rocket surgeon to figger that one out.

Let's see. Most people live in populated areas, so there are more cars, more factories, more bbqs, more businesses, more buses, ergo, more pollution.

What a waste of fucking bytes this article is.


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A Local Politics Post

Yes, I said there wouldn't be any more of the constant political shit here. And I ain't going to. At least the usual Obamm-bamm bullshit. But I will post stuff occasionally about things that are going on locally, as it relates to stupid shit happening here in my state.

For instance:

Smokers fuming as state considers adding to tax hike
[...]
Thus emerged a glimpse of the Catch-22 that could come with boosting sin taxes: The state wants more money for its budget; but if legislators try to extract too much financing from discretionary habits, they could tax revenue right out of Nevada's coffers.
[...]

The dumb-ass voters in this state voted against allowing smoking in bars that serve food already. That caused a big dip in businesses around the state. I'm talking no less than a 15-20% decrease in patronage.
Now add more taxes to tobacco, and what happens? Some people will pay anyway, but then some will just quit buying the shit.

The thing is, budgets have already been drawn up which rely on dollars from tobacco sales, so they've done gone and legislated that money right out of the budget.

You self-righteous twits didn't see that coming now did you?



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Of Course

Official: Ill. slaying suspect planned `death day'
Mon Mar 9, 7:32 PM ET

MARYVILLE, Ill. - The man charged with gunning down a pastor mid-sermon and then stabbing two churchgoers had marked the day as "death day" in a planner found in his home and carried enough ammunition to kill 30 people, a prosecutor said Monday.
[...]

The dude was a moron. He was nuts.

But leave it to the media to put the anti-gun spin on the story. "... carried enough ammunition to kill 30 people, ..." Well fer chryst's sake. That's 30 fucking bullets. One or two clips. That ain't a lot.
In fact, I'm guessing the mall shooter, the Columbine kids, or any other nut killing randomly like that carried more.

Assholes.


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Good Gawd

SC Rep: Opposition to stimulus is slap in face
COLUMBIA, S.C. – The highest-ranking black congressman said Thursday that opposition to the federal stimulus package by southern GOP governors is "a slap in the face of African-Americans."
[...]

So if you oppose the stimulus plan, you're a racist? Give me a fucking break.

Is this fucker trying to incite another fucking civil war based on the color of your skin? Sharpton and Jackson must have taught him well.



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WAAAAA!!!! [glub] [glub] [glub]

Wash. teen charged with drowning newborn in toilet

Wed Jan 7, 9:34 PM ETSent 343 times

PORT ANGELES, Wash. - A 16-year-old girl suspected of drowning an infant boy in a toilet and throwing the body in the trash was charged with murder Wednesday.
[...]

Well, at least the sick bitch won't be collecting extra welfare for the kid.

This begs the question then. Which costs the taxpayer less; paying for her welfare check or three hots and a cot?


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Amazing...

...the stupidity of some people.

Authorities baffled by snowy death of little girl

You don't have to follow the link, here's the scenario:

Dad is taking the 11 year old girl the 12 year old boy to see mom on Christmas day. Dad gets the car stuck in a snowdrift, and lets the kids out to walk the remaining 10 FUCKING MILES IN 27 FUCKING DEGREE TEMPERATURES, IN THE FUCKING SNOW, to mom's house.

Eventually, with the help of his cousin - who must have been with him - he gets the car unstuck, turns around and heads home. BACK TO HIS OWN HOUSE!

The boy, somehow, after walking almost halfway to mom's house, and despite the fact he was delirious from hypothermia - thereby stripping down to his underwear - lives, is treated, and gets released from the hospital.
The girl - who walked almost halfway then turned around and started walking back to where dad was stuck, is found frozen to death, nearly buried in a snowdrift.

So I ask then, what sort of idiot would let their kids out of the car, out of their sight even, to walk 10 miles in the snow and cold? And if you were in fact, stupid enough to do such a moronic thing, who wouldn't care enough to follow the path they had taken to ensure they made it to their destination safely?
On top of that, how stupid is dad's cousin? Not just the one, but TWO supposedly responsible adults failed to ensure the safety of these two children. Unbelievable.

This dumb-ass father turned around and went home. He deserves to be convicted of murder, neglect, abuse, any other charge that can be dreamed up for this monumental act of indifference to the well being of these children.

With any luck, there is a special place in hell for fuckheads like this.



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That Stinks

Proposed fee on smelly cows, hogs angers farmers

MONTGOMERY, Ala. – For farmers, this stinks: Belching and gaseous cows and hogs could start costing them money if a federal proposal to charge fees for air-polluting animals becomes law.

[...]

It would require farms or ranches with more than 25 dairy cows, 50 beef cattle or 200 hogs to pay an annual fee of about $175 for each dairy cow, $87.50 per head of beef cattle and $20 for each hog.
[...]

This is about the stupidest idea I've heard come out of the ass of the EPA yet.

Food prices are too high already, and now these fucking idiots want a tax on belches and farts? Give me a fucking break.




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Here's Yer Sign

Nude pics in phone lost at McDonald's get online
FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. – Here's some food for thought: If you have nude photos of your wife on your cell phone, hang onto it.

Phillip Sherman of Arkansas learned that lesson after he left his phone behind at a McDonald's restaurant and the photos ended up online. Now he and his wife, Tina, are suing the McDonald's Corp., the franchise owner and the store manager.

The suit was filed Friday and seeks a jury trial and $3 million in damages for suffering, embarrassment and the cost of having to move to a new home.

The suit says that Phillip Sherman left the phone the Fayetteville store in July and that employees promised to secure it until he returned.

Manager Aaron Brummley declined to comment, and other company officials didn't return messages.

Three million bucks??? Are you fucking crazy???
Just because you're idiots don't mean you are entitled to compensation. Especially, that much.

Here's a thought. Keep your fucking phone off and in your pocket or purse when you're in a public place like that.

Good gawd-a-mighty.


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Allah Be Praised

Suit against God thrown out over lack of address
Wed Oct 15, 8:42 PM ET Sent 475 times

LINCOLN, Neb. - A judge has thrown out a Nebraska legislator's lawsuit against God, saying the Almighty wasn't properly served due to his unlisted home address. State Sen. Ernie Chambers filed the lawsuit last year seeking a permanent injunction against God.
[...]

Good gawd. [pun?] Get a life.

Does this senator have nothing better to do? I'm sure the people of Nebraska think so.



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Whore Rotta Ruv

Yup. The big hoe-down (a.k.a. The Olympics) is finally over with. Allah be fucking praised.
The U.S. took home the most medals overall, with China taking home the most gold, at least for now. After they gather up birth certificates for all the 12 and 13 year-old Chinese participants, the Olympic committee may change their minds on some of the medals.

But in the meantime, you Chinese can go back to your everyday lives now, making cheap shit for WalMart:






Belching your clouds of unregulated pollutants into our atmosphere:





And serving up your paws-ta:




Oh, and the title? In case you - like me - didn't watch the big closing ceremony bullshit last night, I guess that with handing over the reins to England for the 2012 Olympics, Jimmy Page played the guitar whilst some English woman wailed a Chinese government mandated tamed down rendition of classic Zep tune of "Whole Lotta Love". My understanding is that the 'real' version was too suggestive for their tender ears.

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Get The Fuck Over It

So in case you didn't already know, the chinese thought that the little girl who was singing at the opening ceremony for the Olympics wasn't cute enough so they had a supposedly cuter little girl lip synch the song with her mug on teevee for all the world to see. Here's the story:

Bloggers enraged over "pretty face" fakery
Reuters - Wed Aug 13, 3:14 PM ET

BEIJING (Reuters) - Bloggers were up in arms on Wednesday over China's decision at the Olympic opening ceremony to have a pretty little girl lip-synching for the real singer who had crooked teeth.
[...]

Well, I'm a blogger (kinda) and I'm not enraged. I'm not pissed, upset, or even a little miffed. In fact, I don't give a flying fuck. What's the big deal anyway? Is this like, the best story they can come up with for the whole shebang?

Good gawd. Give me a break.



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Get A Haricut And Get A Real Job

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Yeah. That'll Work

Earth Hour - North America

[...]
We invite everyone throughout North America and around the world to turn off the lights for an hour starting at 8 p.m. (your own local time)–whether at home or at work, with friends and family or solo, in a big city or a small town.
[...]

Yeah, maybe I will. If they do:






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