.: Curmudgeonisms :.: Top 50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs

Monday, September 19, 2005

Top 50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs

From VH1.

Being from VH1, one must take their opinion with a grain of salt. But some I have to agree on. Here's my take on some of the songs. I don't know a bunch of them, but I have to disagree with a couple of them being bad:

50: Sunglasses at Night - Corey Hart
Never did like tha stupid song.

49: I'll Be Missing You - Various Artists
Kack.

48: Can I Touch You...There? - Michael Bolton
Don't know it

47: Something in Common - Bobby Brown
Don't know it, but since it's Bobby Brown, I'm sure I wouldn't like it.

46: Two Princes - Spin Doctors
Dull.

45: Sorry 2004 - Ruben Studdard
Don't know it, or him.

44: We Didn't Start the Fire - Billy Joel
I don't know why this got airtime. Boring, repetitive...

43: Make Em Say Ugh, Pt. 2 - Master P
Don't know it, or him. But with a name like that, I'm sure it's some suck-ass rap song.
Book/cover?

42: Cotton Eye Joe - Various Artists
Not familiar

41: Some Girls (Dance With Women) - JC Chasez
Nope, don't know it.

40: What's Up? - 4 Non Blondes
I like this song. Good vocals.

39: Informer - Snow
Nope, don't know it.

38: Mesmerize - Ja Rule
This one either.

37: From a Distance - Bette Midler
Bett Midler is always better from a distance. A looooong distance.

36: I Wanna Sex You Up - Color Me Badd
I only heard this like, once. On accident. Don't remember how it goes.

35: Heartbeat - Don Johnson
Don Johnson? Gimme a fucking break. He can't sing.

34: Butterfly - Crazy Town
Don't know it.

33: Jenny from the Block - Jennifer Lopez
Never heard it.

32: Broken Wings - Mr. Mister
Lame. Boring.

31: You Remind Me of Something - R. Kelly
Don't know it.

30: Pimp Juice - Nelly
Nelly. Smelly. Don't know the song, can't stand the idiot.

29: I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That) - Meat Loaf
Boring. Repetitive. Useless.

28: Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley
Bubble gum. Shitty.

27: Rump Shaker - Wreckx n Effect
Don't know it.

26: The Only Thing That Looks Good on Me Is You - Bryan Adams
Not familiar.

25: You Rock My World - Michael Jackson
Michael effing Jacksoff anything sucks.

24: Sussudio - Phil Collins
There as a time there that whenever Phil Collins farted, they would record it and stamp it gold. Most of his shit is just that.

23: Thong Song - Sisqó
Not familiar.

22: Dancing on the Ceiling - Lionel Richie
See #24. Substitute name.

21: I'll Be There for You [Theme from Friends] - Various Artists
Meh, not that bad.

20: Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American) - Toby Keith
Don't know it. Toby Keith? Hillbilly? Can't imagine it would be very good.

19: You're the Inspiration - Chicago
Dull.

18: Pumps and a Bump - Hammer
Kack.

17: I'm Too Sexy - Right Said Fred
Extremely lame.

16: The Final Countdown - Europe
Like a fart in a whirlwind - a bunch of hot air.

15: MMM, MMM, MMM, MMM - Crash Test Dummies
Not familiar.

14: Will 2k [Featuring K-Ci] - Will Smith
Will Smith?

13: Barbie Girl - Aqua
Not familiar.

12: Hangin' Tough - New Kids on the Block
Yeah. Tough. Don't know the song, but the group is lame.

11: Rico Suave - Gerardo
Don't know it.

10: The Heart of Rock & Roll - Huey Lewis
Lame.

9: Don't Worry, Be Happy - Various Artists
Yup, real lame.

8: She Bangs - Ricky Martin
Kack.

7: Party All the Time - Eddie Murphy
Yeah, Eddie Murphy? Singing? You and Don Johnson just, just go away.

6: Breakfast At Tiffany's - Deep Blue Something
Eh, date song. So-so.

5: Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice
Not familiar.

4: Rollin' (Urban Assault Vehicle) - Limp Bizkit
This one either.

3: Everybody Have Fun Tonight - Wang Chung
Boring.

2: Achy Breaky Heart - Billy Ray Cyrus
"♪♫ ...Don't you let a fart... ♪. A smelly smelly fart♪♫ ...".

1: We Built This City - Starship
Decent music, bad theme.

There are plenty to add to this list, but this is their list so I won't bother.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...: question: do you actually listen to ANY music?; Mon Sep 19, 08:29:00 AM PDT
Peggasus said...: Yeah, anon, I was thinking the same thing.

Dave, you need to get out more.

Also, something is terribly wrong here. There is nary a Village People song on that list.; Mon Sep 19, 09:14:00 AM PDT
Anonymous said...: I would have voted for "We Built This City". I lived in San Jose when that song came out and the local stations played the living crap out of it. Now it's stuck in my head again. Damned it!; Mon Sep 19, 09:18:00 AM PDT
curmudgeon said...: anonymous,
I guess not the same shit VH1 plays. More like real music - rock and roll.

peggasus,
No Village People, 1 MJ song, Barry Manilow, endless possibilities.

mark,
Nice earworm to have.; Mon Sep 19, 12:28:00 PM PDT
curmudgeon said...: You evidently care enough to come back and read my comments.

Not that I need to defend myself, but I do have some balls, unlike anyone who doesn't have balls enough to comment other than anonymously.

Let me make a suggestion for your self improvement though. How about you quit surfing gay porn and farm animal sex sites and maybe peruse some web sites on punctuation and capitalization? Or is it that you can't take your hand off your cock long enough to reach over there and tap that 'Shift' key?; Thu Jan 31, 03:12:00 PM PST
Anonymous said...: I think the reason people are mad is that there is no excuse for the words 'I don't know', nowadays. Each and every one of those songs are viewable on YouTube, or can be Googled or Wikied.

And come to think of it, I'm a teeny bit upset, too. Knowledge and intellectual curiosity are virtues. Even to jog your memory by watching 5-10 seconds of each vid would take less than 10 minutes, and it'd scratch every 'I don't know' off the list. By doing that, you'd earn the right to weigh in on the subject.; Sat Jul 12, 09:13:00 PM PDT
curmudgeon said...: Good gawd. The comment thread that refuses to die.

This posting was a brief opinion of the songs I recognized. Quite frankly, I don't give a flying fuck of anyone else's opinion of me or my music tastes or whether I've heard the songs or not. And I really don't give a big enough fuck about the songs I haven't heard to research whether they're worth a shit or not.
Th radio stations I listen to - which usually play the music I like to hear, don't or didn't play the songs flagged in the post as "I don't know". Ergo, they must not conform to my tastes, which means that had I in fact heard them, they probably wouldn't have been worth a shit.; Mon Jul 14, 07:29:00 AM PDT
Anonymous said...: I came across this when I Googled "Awesomely Bad Songs List," seeing as I actually happen to like most of the songs on this list, despite their reputable annoyance...but what I have read here has become more of an annoyance than anything else.

Curmudgeon, you haven't heard most of the songs on this list. What exactly, then, gives you the authority to criticize the music you claim to be "shit," without ever having even given a chance to it. Open up your mind and expand your horizons, you simpleton. Also, do you think you're better than everyone else because you have what you think to be perfect grammar? Maybe you should become a little more cultured, get off your ass and out of the internet, hear a few songs, and get laid. Maybe then you'll have something to do other than mindlessly blog, and you'll spare us all your worthless words and stupid arguments.; Sun Sep 21, 04:15:00 PM PDT
curmudgeon said...: Uh, read the comments again. You'll see something along the lines of:

* This posting was a brief opinion of the songs I recognized.
* I don't give a flying fuck of anyone else's opinion of me or my music tastes or whether I've heard the songs or not.
* I really don't give a big enough fuck about the songs I haven't heard to research whether they're worth a shit or not, because ...
* The radio stations I listen to - which usually play the music I like to hear, don't or didn't play the songs flagged in the post as "I don't know".
* I don't watch VH1 or MTV. They both suck and do nothing but cater to teeny-bopper twits with no life, which is most likely why you know all of these songs.
* If I see song named that I don't know, I will see who performed it in making my decision on whether to listen to it or not. If I see an 'artist' whom I know sucks, I can usually assume any song recorded by said artist will also suck. Sort of like seeing the golden arches down the street. I know most of their food sucks. Therefore, I can assume that any other food they try to shove through the drive-up window will also suck.
* And if you've read this far, you're a sucker for punishment. Log off and go outdoors for a spell.

Now I was just commenting to Mrs Curmudgeon over the weekend as we were listening to my MP3 player - prior to reading this comment, I might add - and said something like "I think I have very eclectic musical tastes." She in fact, agreed.
On my player, you find music from the likes of ... Let's just go alphabetical here. For your sake, I won't run through the whole gammut, but I will give you a bit of a selection:

AC/DC
ALISON KRAUSS
ALICE IN CHAINS
BECK
BILLY IDOL
CHARLOTTE CHURCH
COLLECTIVE SOUL
DIAMOND, NEIL
DISTURBED
DUARTE, CHRIS
ELVIS PRESLEY
EAGLES
EVERCLEAR
FLOGGING MOLLY
FRANKIE GOES TO HOLLYWOOD
FRANK SINATRA
FUEL
GODSMACK
GOO GOO DOLLS
HELLYEAH
INK SPOTS
INCUBUS
IRON MAIDEN
JANIS JOPLIN
JOHNNY CASH
JIMMY BUFFET
KENNY WAYNE SHEPHERD
KINGDOM COME
KORN
LENNON, JOHN
LIFEHOUSE
MARTIN, DEAN

Fuck it. That's enough to see there is a variety of artists starting clear back in the 40's through modern times. All genres except hippity-rap-hop and country. I like a wide variety of music and always have. Maybe you young myspace-cruising whippersnappers think I'm narrow minded and have no life and that's just fine with me. Like I said before, go fuck yourself.
Maybe you need to take a music appreciation class or learn to play a musical instrument instead of seeing how friends you can add to your friends list. Maybe then you'll learn what music - real fucking music - is about rather than fill your mindless ears with whatever talentless clone the music industry tries to sell the mindless public while they're selling Red Bull and rubbers to you young, punk-ass airheads.

Oh, and by the way, I don't claim to have perfect grammar. I do have much better grammar than many of dumb shit commentors on my blog though. And from what I've seen on many blogs and myspace pages, I have better grammar than a fair amount of the idiots who run them.
So again I say, go fuck yourself. Then get a life. While you're blowing your demons, try not to drizzle down your chin. They don't like that.; Mon Sep 22, 10:54:00 AM PDT
curmudgeon said...: Good gawd. You are so fucking entertaining, you really give me a giggle! I appreciate it! It's like watching a toddler trying to put the square block in the round hole, the dumbfounded look on its face while moving the block from side to side, turning this way and that, all the time drooling on the its little Pooh Bear shirt.
I can picture you on your keyboard the same way!
Your fingers moving around the keyboard trying to make words, all the while drooling on the keys, the blank look in your eyes. You eventually manage to make a word, giggle with pride while clapping your hands thinking you've really put me in my place this time, then go beat off in moms bathroom at the glee and pride of your accomplishment.

Well done!; Wed May 13, 07:15:00 AM PDT