"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

What? It Wasn't An Airplane Crash?

911 call: Syringe, pills next to Slipknot bassist

DES MOINES, Iowa – The hotel employee who found Slipknot bassist Paul Gray dead in his room told a 911 operator that there was a hypodermic needle next to Gray's bed and there were "all kinds of pills everywhere."
[...]
Why am I not surprised?



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Drill Baby Drill!

So, I'm an armchair astronomer. Since I was a mere youngster, I've enjoyed science and space technology.
I don't remember much about rockets and space travel before oh, about Apollo 10, but I do have one of those 'where were you' moments during the Apollo 11 mission when Armstrong took his first steps on the moon.

I also remember standing outside in the middle of winter - I'm guessing it was the winter of '70-'71, Apollo 14 mission - staring at the bright moon high in the sky, freezing my ass off in the crisp night air, talking to my best friend about how "there were actually some dudes up there walking around right now". It seemed to me so plausible, yet it also seemed so difficult to fly someone that far away and have them be able to get back and talk about it.

Think about it. The earth is zipping through space around 65,000 mph. In the meantime, it is constantly turning. Yup, rotating once every 24 hours ;), which even though you may be standing still, you're still moving about 1,000 miles an hour.
The moon is circling the earth at around 2,300 mph. And it is also turning, albeit slower than the earth.
What all this means is that there are some serious calculations going on the get someone to light on that big fucking rock floating around up there.

Think about this: Let's say you're the typical family of four. Let's say you and your family are spending a day at the park. The dad and the daughter are merrily tossing a baseball back and forth, while the son is standing on the merry-go-round as the mom is pushing it.
Now let's say that the dad and the daughter are a fair distance away from the merry-go-round, and also a good distance apart from each other. Mom is turning the merry-go-round at a fair clip, and son - while he's on this merry-go-round and being the brat that he is, is using a slingshot to try to shoot at the ball being tossed by dad and daughter and knock it off course. And even though he may be an excellent shot and can hit any stationary target, without some excellent timing he will have a hell of a time shooting that slingshot at the exact location of his 'orbit', at the precise fraction of a second, at the exact trajectory, at the exact speed needed to hit that baseball flying through the air.

This is very similar to what is required to get a man to the moon and back again.

Now let's say someone wants to send something to Mars, Jupiter or Saturn, which are all hundreds or thousands of times farther away than the moon. Well, it has been done.

On the other hand, we a have a fucking leaky pipe one mile deep in the ocean and no one can figure out how to put a fucking cork in it?:
BP shoots mud at oil as Obama halts drilling plans

ROBERT, La. – BP hoped to know as early as Thursday afternoon if a stream of mud will finally end its Gulf of Mexico oil spill, a five-week disaster that was putting other U.S. offshore drilling projects on hold as far away as Alaska
[...]
ANWR is looking pretty good right now, ain't it?


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Spam Subject of the Day

"We ship directly to eor"
Eor? Isn't that Pooh's friend?

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Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Another Rocket Surgeon

You stupid mutherfukker:
Man's penis freed from metal pipe with industrial grinder

[...]
The fire crew turned up with a special equipment unit from St Mary's station in Southampton and seven firefighters to help, in what a spokesman understatedly described as a 'delicate operation'.

The firefighters used the four-and-a-half-inch industrial metal grinder to cut the pipe from around the anaesthetised man's penis.

The man, thought to be aged around 40, did not explain to hospital staff how exactly the pipe got stuck around his penis, after he presented himself at the hospital's Accident & Emergency department on Tuesday morning. He was said to be 'quite concerned and anxious'.
[...]
Seven firefighters? Uh, one or two may have been able to do the job, no?

Anyway, being of the male gender, I am still amazed/befuddled/flabbergasted that there are some guys out there so fucking hard up that they'll go a stick their dick in any hole that happens to be around. Pipe, vacuum, tree trunk, park bench, you name it and it's been violated by some dude too stupid to just go jerk off.

I mean, for hell's sake. Does a fucking pipe look that enticing? A vacuum hose looks that sexy that you you pop a woody just eyeballing the opening?

This idiot deserves every nickname and put-down he gets the rest of his life.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"She will always want the bigger rod"
Yeah, tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of death blah blah blah, my rod and my staff, they comfort her.


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Monday, May 24, 2010

Oopsy Daisy

Glad to hear it:
Key Al Qaeda Figure Accidentally Blows Himself Up, U.S. Officials Say

A man whom the U.S. described as a key figure in Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula accidentally blew himself up, U.S. military officials told Fox News.

The officials say Nayif Al-Qahtani was "messing with a bomb" when it went off. U.S. officials had been watching him, but Fox News' sources insist the U.S. had nothing to do with his death.
[...]
BWAAAAAHHHH!!!! That's a hoot!

I reckon he won't be going back to al queda school for a refresher course on bomb making.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Buying ED Pills at big saving uqrh uv feregr"
We have something in common. That's the way I start talking when I've had a few too many too.


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Friday, May 21, 2010

Idiot Day

During the daily commute today, which I must point out is roughly 15 minutes one way, I was in the very best lane on the whole fucking street. That would be my guess at least because I had no less than 4 people try to merge into my lane, with me in their way. My horn honking hand is already tired.

Now people, might I suggest you get yourself a few sips of piping hot freshly brewed coffee before you try to make your way to work? Maybe read the paper or watch the news for a few minutes before you head out the door? Wake yourself up a bit?

And, most cars nowadays have three mirrors. Most likely, there is one on the driver's side door, one on the passenger's side door, and one right there in front, above the dashboard, in the middle of your fucking windshield.

Find them. Use them. Love them. Please. Fer chryssakes. Pay a-fucking-ttention or stay the hell home.


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Spam Subject of the Day

Nothing. Nada. No junk today. My filters are metamorphosing into actual usefulness evidently.


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Thursday, May 20, 2010

Curious

Gay couple sentenced to maximum 14 years in Malawi

BLANTYRE, Malawi - A judge sentenced a couple to the maximum 14 years in prison with hard labor under Malawi's anti-gay legislation, and crowds jeered the two men as they were driven from the court house to jail Thursday.
[...]
So this begs the question. Are the prisons over there are like the ones over here?
If so, no worries. They'll get all the buttfucking and cocksucking they want.

These girly-men are probably looking forward to the sentence.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Looking for a wife?"
Uh, no. Especially from you.


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Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Spam Subject of the Day

"Newly released colon cleansing formula"
No thanks. I had that for lunch yesterday.

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Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Bummer

Lost another one of the greats:
Message from Wendy Dio

Today my heart is broken, Ronnie passed away at 7:45am 16th May. Many, many friends and family were able to say their private good-byes before he peacefully passed away. Ronnie knew how much he was loved by all. We so appreciate the love and support that you have all given us. Please give us a few days of privacy to deal with this terrible loss. Please know he loved you all and his music will live on forever.

- Wendy Dio
Ronnie James Dio (July 10, 1942 – May 16, 2010)


 




Of course, he had changed over the years but as always, I prefer to remember people like him as I choose.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"good day"
Does this mean you're going to leave me alone?


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Thursday, May 13, 2010

BWAAAHHH!!!!

Unruly plane passenger sentenced to probation

Page Last Updated: Thursday May 13, 2010 7:48am PDT
IDAHO FALLS, Idaho (AP) -- A passenger accused of unruly behavior that caused a plane to be diverted has pleaded guilty to three related charges.

Matthew Kleindorfer of Las Vegas was aboard a SkyWest Airlines flight from Helena, Mont., to Salt Lake City on May 2 when it was diverted to Idaho Falls.

Authorities say the pilot made the unscheduled landing after Kleindorfer pounded on the cockpit door, and said he was a space alien and wanted to fly the plane.

The 32-year-old man pleaded guilty in court Wednesday to misdemeanor counts of battery, resisting arrest, and disturbing the peace, all for actions that occurred after the plane landed.

The court suspended a one-year jail term and ordered him to serve two years probation.

He could still face federal charges for causing the disturbance during the flight.
Now that's funny.

I know I've relayed this story before, but it's still funny and this is a perfect time to refresh your memory.

I knew a guy once. Worked with him for a very short time. He got fired after not show up for work one day. No, he had more important things to do.

A co-worker saw the guy walking down the road carrying a fender from a junked car. The co-worker knew the guy was supposed to be at work, since he was on a different shift. Upon asking the dude what he was doing, the reply was he was taking spare parts to the mother ship so he could perform some needed repairs.

Never heard from him again.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Size Does Matter To Her, Sure She Won't Tell You It Does...But She Will When She Sees You Now. lzvri 7ck"
Write a gawdam novel why don't you.


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Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Fucking Shit

Just a reminder: If you have any battery operated camping equipment, remember to remove the batteries before you tuck them away for the season.

Yes, I was digging around in my camping equipment and took out a couple battery operated lamps and flashlights. They hadn't been used for 4 or 5 years, and that is a long off season. Luckily, two still worked. Dim, but functional.

One was completely packed with chemicals, juice, and slime. Nice of the manufacturer to make it somewhat waterproof so the shit didn't leak all over the place, but I should never have opened it. A total piece of shit now.

Another light worked, but after checking the batteries, they were starting to leak. Not enough to cause damage, but they needed to be replaced.

The last one was just fine. The bulbs needed replacing but at least I didn't need to file a gaw-dam toxic spill report with the EPA.

That is your public service message for the day.

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Spam Subject of the Day

"We[ship di^%ct *o you"
Fucking learn how to spell, would you?


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Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Just Because

It gave me a giggle:



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Electric wheelchair at NO COST"
You'll be needing the fucking thing if I ever find out who you are.


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Monday, May 10, 2010

Spam Subject of the Day

"Message #86"
Yes. At least if not more.


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Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Later

Extended weekend ahead for me. See you next week.


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Cinco De Mayo

It's a special day today, let us all join Arizona in celebrating Cinco de Mayo:


Oh, and doubly special! This is the 30th anniversary of "Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back". So we must pay homage to that special event too:



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Spam Subject of the Day

'Tis bittersweet
The joy, the sorrow.
No spam today,
Maybe tomorrow.


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Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Whatta Maroon

NYC bomb suspect nabbed aboard Dubai-bound plane

NEW YORK – A U.S. citizen who had recently returned from a five-month trip to his native Pakistan, where he had a wife, was arrested at a New York airport on charges that he drove a bomb-laden SUV meant to cause a fireball in Times Square, federal authorities said.
[...]
You know, this dude is a fucking idiot. All the hell he is, is a wanna-be terrorist who couldn't find his asshole with two hands and a funnel.

Fireworks for a primer? Propane and gas tanks for a bomb?

Good gawd. A boy scout could have done a better job of causing trouble. If this idiot would have made it to Dubai, he would have been the laughing stock of the entire sandbox.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Get your diploma immediately"
Way ahead of you there, sport. Already have one.


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Monday, May 03, 2010

Spam Subject of the Day

"A real man differs from loser with his tool"
And that's one fine crescent wrench I have here.



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