"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008


Via email:
Change ... Change ... Change!!!!!!!!!!

Not long ago I read what was, supposedly, a joke ... It said all the politicians running for president are promising change to the American people. We send them billions and billions of tax dollars and they send us the change.

Funny? Not really; there is too much truth in it to be funny.

And every day, I receive candidate-bashing cartoons, stupid, political one-liners about lipstick wearing pigs, hockey mom's, etc. C'mon folks!! Give it a rest!! Instead of bashing the crap out of one candidate while touting another & generally forcing your unsolicited opinions on others, think about this.....................

They ALL promise change.

How about if they run on a promise of restoration rather than change. A restoration that would take us back in time to a place where things ran better, smoother and life was more enjoyable.

Change? That, in truth, is what they have been giving us all along.

We USED to have a strong dollar ... Politicians changed that.

Life USED to be sacred ... Politicians changed that.

Marriage USED to be sacred ... Politicians are changing that.

We USED to be respected around the world ... Politicians changed that.

We USED to have a strong manufacturing economy ... Politicians changed that.

We USED to have lower tax structures ... Politicians changed that.

We USED to enjoy more freedoms ... Politicians changed that.

We USED to be a large exporter of American made goods ... Politicians changed that.

We USED to be an OPENLY Christian nation ... Politicians changed that.

We USED to teach patriotism in schools ... Politicians changed that.

We USED to educate children in schools ... Politicians changed that.

We USED to enjoy freedom of speech ... Politicians changed that.

We USED to ENFORCE LEGAL citizenship ... Politicians changed that.

We USED to have affordable food & gas prices ... Politicians changed that, too
. ... and one could go on and on with this list.

What hasn't been changed, politicians are promising to change that as well if you will elect them.

When, oh WHEN, is America going to sit back with open eyes and look at what we once were and where we have come and say, enough is enough?

The trouble is, America's youthful voters today don't know of the great America that existed forty and fifty years ago.
They see the world as if it has always existed, as it is now.

When will we wake up?
Tomorrow may be too late.
When will America realize ... Politicians are what is wrong with America?


A Funny

Via email:

Presidential candidate, Barack Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked the presidential candidate if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy.' So our illustrious democratic presidential candidate asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy.

One little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him that would be a tragedy.'

'No,' said Obama, 'that would be an accident.'

A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a 'tragedy.'

'I'm afraid not,' explained Obama. 'That's what we would call great loss.'

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Obama searched the room. 'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'
Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said:

'If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile, and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.'

'Fantastic!' exclaimed Obama. 'That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?'

'Well,' says the boy, 'It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss...and it probably wouldn't be an accident either.'


New Dollar Bill

I feel compelled to make a post about the nose dive the stock market took yesterday after the fuckheads in dee cee failed to pass their multi-billion dollar suppository. But the only reason I am is so I could post this picture which pretty much sums up the state of the economy:


Spam Subject of the Day

"get out of debt now"
I forwarded this one to the capitol.


Monday, September 29, 2008

Another Loser

This just cracks me up. Yet another celeb ending up in the tank.
Evidently, Heather Locklear got busted for a DUI.

Before mug shot:
What a doll. Then we have mug shot:

Still not bad, even for a mug shot.


Spam Subject of the Day

"Update your dick"
What version is out now, 6.3.2c?


Friday, September 26, 2008

New Site

I just stumbled upon a new site - aking to The Onion - that is cracking me the hell up:
Cure for ADHD Found
By Miketron

Fifteen years ago, you would have been lucky to have heard of Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder. Of course, you probably would have seen its effects in school playgrounds or the supermarket: screaming children unable to be consoled by an ever-tired parent.

As the numbers of victims of this terrible disorder have increased, new treatments such as the controversial Dexedrine and Ritalin have been administered to sufferers (mainly children) to attempt to focus their attention and calm their out-of-control nervous energy.

For as many years as these treatments have been used, their results have been debated by the scientific and parental communities.

"97% of cases [of ADHD] could be completely cured in a matter of weeks"
Luckily, recent research conducted at the University of Sydney is proving that out of 5000 children tested with treatments for ADHD, 97% of cases could be completely cured in a matter of weeks just by smacking the children more often.

Added to the smacking of the child, chores such as lawn mowing, tidying bedrooms, washing cars and cooking dinner were proven to have a strong counter-action to the ADHD effects.

While smacking your children has become somewhat taboo over the last few years, thanks to the Sydney Uni research, Australian doctors can now prescribe a certain amount of smacks per week for affected children or recommend parents to “smacking centres” where a qualified professional can belt the badly behaved juniors.

As you can see on the left, before the smacking treatment commenced, this child was out of control - regularly brandishing high-calibre weapons and screaming for chocolate. On the right, the same child after a few weeks of smacking and chores – obviously much better behaved and even blonder than before the testing process.
Maybe it's not so satirical after all.


Ping Pong Anyone?

McCain will go to debate

By MIKE ALLEN & DANIEL W. REILLY | 9/26/08 2:51 PM EDT Updated: 9/26/08 2:51 PM EDT

Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) ended three days of suspense on Friday morning and announced that he will leave bailout negotiations in Washington and fly to Oxford, Miss., for tonight's opening presidential debate.
Yeah, I guess I'll probably watch it.

I can't help it. It's like driving by a fatal car wreck; you just have to stare and say to yourself "I wonder what the fuck just happened?".


A Funny

Signs You're Getting Along In Years:

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “breakup.”

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”

10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog “Science Diet” instead of McDonald’s leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You take naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at three in the morning would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A four dollar bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit.”

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”

23. Ninety percent of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh shit what the hell happened?”

Bonus:26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that it doesn’t apply to you and can’t find one to save your sorry old ass.



Works for me:

Pol Suggests Paying Poor Women to Tie Tubes
His idea -- giving $1,000 to poor women to undergo reproductive sterilization by Fallopian tube ligation -- is stirring up controversy among some medical professionals, who say that the proposal is offensive and smacks of long-discredited eugenics programs.

LaBruzzo has also suggested other controversial ideas: paying poor men to get vasectomies and giving tax incentives for college-educated wealthy couples to have more children.
Some say the government has no business getting involved with the reproductive choices of people?
I say the government is already involved by virtue of supporting these people. non-welfare parents supporting kids have a say in what their kids do before they hand out money, no? Why should this situation be any different.

Now don't get me wrong. Some people do need welfare. Some used to make their own way and due to certain circumstances can't any more.
But at the same time, there are thousands of deadbeats who do nothing but work the system. They know they don't have to work, so they don't even try. More babies = more benefits paid.

Look. If all you want to do is fuck and are too stupid to take precautions, take the $1,000 and run. If you can't afford kids, don't make them.


Spam Subject of the Day

"Never visit doctor again"
Put a gun to your head. That'll work.


Thursday, September 25, 2008

Quick Question

Anyone besides me getting sick of the political mudslinging ads on teevee yet?

I've about worn out the "Mute" button.


Ask The Curmudgeon

DEAR CURMUDGEON: My husband and I have been married for 10 years and have a 9-year-old daughter. My friends and family adore him. He's a wonderful husband, a great father, and has been more than I could have ever asked for. However, there's a serious issue I can't get past. The short version: Almost a year ago, "David" told me he liked to dress in women's clothing. It was definitely a shock. I asked him a lot of questions, like for how long, when, etc. He informed me that he'd always felt that way, but no one else knew. He promised to keep it from our daughter and not do anything that made me uncomfortable. I promised not to breathe a word to anyone and tried to get on with our life together. Then a few months ago, I walked in on what I thought was another woman in our house. I was ready to ask who she was when I realized "she" had on my clothes and that she was David -- from full wig to high heels. I couldn't look at him. He apologized profusely, saying he hadn't expected me to see him and it wouldn't happen again. I thought I was dealing with this news well enough, but I was wrong. Seeing him hit me like a freight train. I love him and want him to be happy. But I want to be happy, too, and I just can't get that image out of my head. Whenever we are together intimately, I visualize him standing there in my clothes and lose interest. I've even had dreams about it. I don't want to tell him how much it hurts me because I don't want to hurt him, but I'm not sure how to move on.

DEAR 'WOMAN': Your husband is a freak. And you're an idiot if you think you can live with him. You will NEVER get over seeing him like that and unless you are prepared to see him that way the rest of your lives - either mentally or actually - kick his sissy ass out.

Fuck sakes. A real man don't go around dressing up as a woman, and a real woman wouldn't tolerate it. So do you want to be married to a real man or not?



A Brief Conversation With The Candidates

Dubya: "Hey Laura, get McCain and Hussein on the phone, would'ja? I want a conference call. See if I can get these two together and work out this bailout bullshit."

: "Sure hun. "


John: "Hello?"

Laura: "Hey John. George wants a conference call with y'all and Barack. Will y'all hold on while I ring him up?"

John: "Sure thing. I'll wait."


B.O.: "Hello?"

Laura: "Hey. George wants a conference call with y'all and John."

B.O.: "I think it's important that we as Americans have open channels of communication..."

Laura: "Uh, yeah. Hold on please."

Laura: "Okay George, they're on..."

Dubya: "Okay dear. Thanks."

Dubya: "Okay guys, here's the deal. Y'all know what's going on with the economy right now. We're getting together later on to work this shit out and since one of y'all will be in my position in a few months, I think y'all need to be in on it too. Get an idea of what it's about. What needs to be done. Take some time and listening to these financial wizzes 'fore things get nucular."

John: "I agree. I'll suspend my campaigning for now and get on over to Washington as soon as I can."

: "It's important to be able to multi-task. Do more than one thing at a time. America needs to change. Let's talk about change. I won't suspend my campaign. I will multi-task..."

Dubya: "Uh, okay. Does that mean y'all 're going to show up, Barack?"

: "Change. That's what America needs. I'll try and make it, right after I change."

John: "I want to get there and see what I can do to help. I may not make it to the debate tomorrow night..."

B.O.: "I'll be at the debate with or without you John. We need change. And I'm the one who'll talk about that change. We as future leaders need discuss the issues at hand. We need to talk about this bailout and the economy, and what needs to be done. We need to be able to solve our problems and still be able to talk about what we want to do. We need to multi-task."

John: "Well, I think that a good leader needs to focus on the needs of the country and not be as concerned with popularity at the moment. We need to get together and fix the problem not go to some college and 'talk' about what we intend to do."

B.O.: "And that's what I will do. Right after I talk about how I'm going to make a change, I'll talk about fixing the economy. Change. That's it."

Dubya: "Okay boys. Pipe down now. This is a real important item on the minds of the American people. They all 're looking to us to get it fixed."

John: "I'll be there for the meeting, Mr. President. For you and for the United States. I want to help fix it, not talk about it."

B.O.: "Change! We can't afford more of the same!"

Dubya: "What the hell are y'all yapping about? Y'alls party is running the show. They're the majority. They made the promises. If y'all do end up as president - God help us all - I hope y'all grow some stones and see that they do what they promised the American people."

B.O.: "Oh yes. There will be change. I've said it before. We can't afford more of the same. We need ch-"

John: "GOOD GAWD-A-MIGHTY! Would you shut the hell up!"

Dubya: "Okay then. I'll see y'all later."



Spam Subject of the Day

Yes. Chytt, dam, phukk and pyss too.


Wednesday, September 24, 2008


I dun stolt this from a fellow Las Vegan
Seen on a bumper sticker in the college campus parking lot...

"This Country Needs a Douche - its Bush Stinks"

So, you're saying Barack Obama is a douche bag? Good call!
Gave me a chuckle.

Go check 'er out.


If I've Told You Once I've Told You A Million Times, Don't Exaggerate

Stubborn Ignorance

Here's what the U.S. Constitution says: "All bills for raising Revenue shall originate in the House of Representatives; but the Senate may propose or concur with Amendments as on other Bills." How many times have we heard politicians, pundits and guardians of our news media say that President Bush cut taxes, or Obama is going to raise taxes? The fact of the matter is that presidents have no power to raise or lower taxes. They can propose tax measures or veto them but it is Congress that has the ultimate power to raise or lower taxes since they can, with a two-thirds vote, override a presidential veto. The same principle applies to spending. Presidents cannot be held responsible for budget deficits or surpluses. A president cannot spend a dime that Congress does not first appropriate. Given these plain facts, are politicians, pundits and media people — who persist in talking about a president cutting or raising taxes, or creating a budget deficit — ignorant, stupid or deceptive?
See, I've said more than once - here on this blog and in person - that people can blame Bush all they want for the shit that is happening or has happened here in the United States, but really. Think about it. What power does the president really have above being a figurehead?

"We The People" elect morons representatives to man the senate and house, and we expect that since we are the ones who elected them, they would actually do the job they promised to do. In other words, we in effect 'hired' them to do a job. But when they don't do it, the only one who gets the blame is the president.
Never mind that the house and senate both have a democrat majority. It is the republican president that has up and fucked the country.
He is to blame for causing the housing market crash, dead Iraqi children, high oil prices, sunspots, foot odor, and the squeak in the fucking garage door.

Simply put, democrats are currently in power and haven't or cannot fix all the fucked up shit they blamed on Bush and promised to rectify.
Why anyone would take any of their rhetoric seriously or even remotely consider electing more of these teflon-assed, lying bags of donkey shit to positions of power or representation come this November is just fucking beyond me.

Here is the only job I know a democrat to be qualified to do:


Damn Right

FBI probing Fannie, Freddie, Lehman, AIG: report
Tue Sep 23, 9:20 PM ET

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The FBI is investigating Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc and insurer American International Group Inc and their senior executives for potential mortgage fraud, CNN reported on Tuesday.
Not that it will do any good. Too many palms getting greased for it to get anywhere, but I'm sure they have to make like they're doing something.
And I would really love to see some criminal complaints filed against some of these assholes who took advantage of idiots.


Spam Subject of the Day

"Russian dating site"
Is this like, a mail order bride thing?
Sorta far from home.


Tuesday, September 23, 2008

A Funny

This may just make your day:

According to the U.S. Census Bureau:

9 million people are fucking right now,
2 million are kissing,
1 million are getting head, and
1 lonely fucker is reading blogs.

You hang in there, Sunshine


Spam Subject of the Day



Monday, September 22, 2008

I've Been Having Some Fun

Over here.
Go check it out. It's a pick-up line generator.

  • "If you won't fuck me, can I fuck you?"
  • "Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?"
  • "I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight."


More From The Thread That Refuses To Die...

Jeezus tap dancing chryst people. What the fuck is your problem?

Let us hop aboard the way-back machine for a moment and revisit a post I made Monday, September 19, 2005. 3 and a half gawd damn years ago. It was entitled "Top 50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs".
I got yet another comment on that post regarding how inept I am at blogging, how limited my musical tastes are, how unqualified I am to even comment about how limited my musical tastes are, how uppity and narrow minded I am, how my mother wears combat boots, how I kick puppies for no reason, and how I should do the world a favor and just slit my wrists.
Well, I may have made the last few items up, but you get the idea.

Such harsh and judgmental words from such a cute, young, bored little twat.
See, I looked at her profile on my-loser-space, and she has a picture up there of herself.
Poor thing says I need to get a life, but yet she has nothing better to do than google "Awesomely Bad Songs". Uh, pot: meet kettle.

You may ask yourself "Why do you even bother? Why not just close comments to that tired old post?". Well, I don't have anything better to post on, so I'll just post a reply to the little twit's comment.

Uh, read the comments again. You'll see something along the lines of:
  • This posting was a brief opinion of the songs I recognized.
  • I don't give a flying fuck of anyone else's opinion of me or my music tastes or whether I've heard the songs or not.
  • I really don't give a big enough fuck about the songs I haven't heard to research whether they're worth a shit or not, because ...
  • The radio stations I listen to - which usually play the music I like to hear, don't or didn't play the songs flagged in the post as "I don't know".
  • I don't watch VH1 or MTV. They both suck and do nothing but cater to teeny-bopper twits with no life, which is most likely why you know all of these songs.
  • If I see song named that I don't know, I will see who performed it in making my decision on whether to listen to it or not. If I see an 'artist' whom I know sucks, I can usually assume any song recorded by said artist will also suck. Sort of like seeing the golden arches down the street. I know most of their food sucks. Therefore, I can assume that any other food they try to shove through the drive-up window will also suck.
  • And if you've read this far, you're a sucker for punishment. Log off and go outdoors for a spell.
Now I was just commenting to Mrs Curmudgeon over the weekend as we were listening to my MP3 player - prior to reading this comment, I might add - and said something like "I think I have very eclectic musical tastes." She in fact, agreed.
On my player, you find music from the likes of ... Let's just go alphabetical here. For your sake, I won't run through the whole gammut, but I will give you a bit of a selection:


Fuck it. That's enough to see there is a variety of artists starting clear back in the 40's through modern times. All genres except hippity-rap-hop and country. I like a wide variety of music and always have. Maybe you young myspace-cruising whippersnappers think I'm narrow minded and have no life and that's just fine with me. Like I said before, go fuck yourself.
Maybe you need to take a music appreciation class or learn to play a musical instrument instead of seeing how many friends you can add to your friends list. Maybe then you'll learn what music - real fucking music - is about, rather than fill your mindless ears with whatever talentless clone the music industry tries to sell the mindless public while they're selling Red Bull and rubbers to you young, punk-ass airheads.

Oh, and by the way, I don't claim to have perfect grammar. I do have much better grammar than many of dumb shit commentors on my blog though. And from what I've seen on many blogs and myspace pages, I have better grammar than a fair amount of the idiots who run them.
So again I say, go fuck yourself. Then get a life.

Oh, and while you're blowing your demons, try not to drizzle down your chin. They don't like that.


Spam Subject of the Day

"broaden his pines"
Oh really? What about his oaks and firs?


Friday, September 19, 2008

Oopsy Daisy

Light rail train hits bus in LA; at least 13 hurt

By ROBERT JABLON, Associated Press Writer 14 minutes ago

LOS ANGELES - A light rail train slammed into a bus near downtown during Friday morning's commute, injuring at least 13 people, fire officials said.
Good gawd. Have these people been taking train driving lessons from Amtrak?



In case you didn't already know, it's "Talk Like A Pirate" day. Get a load of that chest, wouldja:

And for those of you who prefer typing over talking, here's a keyboard for you to use:


Spam Subject of the Day

"Drugs for boys and girls"
That just ain't right.


Thursday, September 18, 2008

Buy War Bon- er, RaiseTaxes!

Blah Blah Blah Bridge to Nowhere Blah Blah Blah

In an interview on ABC's "Good Morning America," Biden said wealthier taxpayers would indeed pay more under the proposals of Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama. Under his plan, people earning more than $250,000 a year would pay more in taxes while those earning less — the vast majority of American taxpayers — would receive a tax cut.
Yeah, that'll work. Let's raise taxes for people who run the big corporations. They have stockholders to answer to, who expect the company to make X amount of money each year. Taxes go up, prices go up. Remember when we were paying almost $5.00 per gallon of gas? It wasn't because oil prices stayed the same and oil execs raised the price at the pump, it was because the price of oil went up, and execs are obligated to maintain a profit margin.
Now why the price of oil went up is a whole different gouge.

But in the end, the price trickled down to the end consumer. Just like what will happen if taxes are raised.

Let's see now, there must be something the government can do...How about not spending money they don't have? I don't, why can't they?
I could live with a few potholes that didn't get fixed right a way. Or maybe one less 4 star chef cooking lunch at the White House or governor's mansion. Maybe that money could be used for something else.


Spam Subject of the Day

"Science may fix you!"
I really doubt that.


Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Photographs And Memories

Well, on with another vacation story, in no particular order...

Saturday was the day we drove to Caleeforneeah. We left L.V. and headed to San Diego around 9:30 in the marnin'. Uneventful, except for of course, the piece of shit map we used. Yes, yes. I'll bitch about it one more time, then you'll not hear any more about it.
We arrived in San Diego around 2:00, roughly mid-town and according to the directions I had, we were supposed to take the Front Street exit. So we're going south on I-5 (yes, same I-5) looking for Front Street, when it begins to look like we're running out of city. We were almost to the border, and there was no Front Street. Turn around, call the motel, ask for directions.

I'll not bore you with details on the cooler ending up dumping a couple gallons of water on the floor, the single bed which wasn't what I had ordered for three people, or the bloody fight, cop cars and ambulance we had to avoid whilst trying to get to the Gaslight District (or Gaslamp Quarter if that's what you prefer) for the evening. Suffice it to say, good gawd people.

Now if you've never been to the Gaslight District, if you're ever in San Diego, you should make it a point to go there. It's basically a half dozen city blocks of nothing but shops, bars and restaurants, with plenty of people wandering around. Not just a tourist trap but a place where the locals also go.

But I will mention Croce's. I've been wanting to give it a try ever since I had heard about it.
Of course, it is of the Jim Croce fame. His wife and son started the place.
I highly recommend the food. I had rack of lamb. Now tell me, doesn't this just look like The Shit here?:

Trust me. It was most yummy. But it wasn't cheap.

Anyway, we spend some time in the Gaslight District looking around and head back to the room.

The next morning, we're headed for breakfast. We're going to another recommended restaurant, driving around for 20 minutes or so looking for a parking spot. We finally find one and pull in. I ask "Does anyone have change for the meter?" You may guess by now that the answer was no. So we had find an overpriced lot.

But we had breakfast and headed to the zoo for the day. That place is awesome.
Everyone should go to the San Diego zoo at least once in their life. Every animal you could possible imagine is in there, from polar bears to yaks.

Very cool, but we were so damned tired at the end of the day, all I wanted to do was park my ass on the sofa and veg.
I did mention on the way from the car to the elevator though, "I could really use a foot massage and a blow job." Mrs Curmudgeon and our friend were cracking up so hard they were both leaning over the handrail in tears, gasping for breath.

They thought I was joking.


You Just Can't Ban Stupid

Baggy pants ban "unconstitutional," rules US judge
AFP - Tue Sep 16, 1:59 PM ET Sent 2,163 times

MIAMI (AFP) - A Florida judge has deemed unconstitutional a law banning baggy pants that show off the wearer's underwear, local media reported Tuesday.
It may be within the limits of the constitution to wear stupid clothes - Spandex anyone? - but can't local governments still make laws governing lewd behavior? That's what I thought.

But nevertheless, dumb-ass boys who do wear that sort of fucked up garb are idiots. If they really knew what they were doing, they wouldn't be wearing the shit that way in the first place.

Now my understanding is that the origin of this sort of stupid behavior came from prison. If you're in prison and you're wearing your pants down with your ass hanging out, it means you're someone's bitch. So let me ask you young lads so proudly displaying your boxers: Whose bitch are you?


Spam Subject of the Day

"Wanna be a MachoMan?"
Uh, no.


Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Life In The 'Hood

So, Jean wanted a story or two from our vacation last week. Well, here goes...

First, let me say this. GPS units (Guessing Positioning System) can go to hell. After my last experience with one, I'll take a good map over one any day. Notice that I said 'good' map. The piece of shit we had had very poor detail, so we ended up driving to areas of California we weren't really interested in visiting. Like, a half hour north of where we wanted to turn for instance, through neighborhoods instead of toward the beach, onto Patterson marine base instead of around it. That folded up piece of shit went into the garbage can.

But, we persevered, and on day 3 of vacation, we get to Anaheim and check into the room. The plan was to meet up with my brother, his wife, and their son and go to Philippes for dinner, to get what is supposed to be a world renowned french dip. Evidently, Phillipe's is the inventors of the french dip sandwich.

Well, Phillipe's is in downtown L.A., and we are in Anaheim, roughly 25 miles or so away. Which, out in the sticks is no big deal. In L.A. freeways during rush hour traffic, it's a whole 'nuther scenario. So with the GPS programmed, and us loaded up in cars, off we go.

About halfway there, the dumbass GPS says we need to take an exit. I believe it was the 101 freeway which then led to "Caesar Chavez" avenue. Okay, this ain't right.
Now I ain't trying to be racist here, but when you see all the billboards and signs in spanish, you know you're in a predominantly mexican 'hood. These folks didn't really like us being there either. So we turn around with a handful of those same folks giving us the evil eye. Back down Caesar Chavez avenue to the 101 and back on 5 to head farther north.

But no. The GPS recalculates and says we need to take the next exit, which is something like the 110, and then the next exit, which is ... uh, "Caesar Chavez" avenue. Okay, now we're well into East L.A. Bars on windows, a line of people outside the day's pay 'musician for hire' place, and once again, spanish signs and billboards. Once again, the residents were all giving us the evil eye.
Fuck that, back on the 110, back to 5, and head north. GPS - recalculate, do your thing now, don't lead us astray here.

North on I-5, real close to our destination now. I can almost taste that hot, fresh, delicious french dip sandwich. Some nice hot fries, an ice cold coke, ...
The GPS says it's time to take the next exit. I don't remember which this is, but we go ahead and take it, and - wait for it - there it is! "Caesar Fucking Chavez" avenue! And the occupants of the neighborhood are looking at us like we're sitting atop a UFO and have antennae growing out our heads.

Let's take a minute to ruminate here. We're in East L.A. Not a good place to be in during the daylight hours. A bunch of white people driving a sedan and an SUV, with out of state license plates, in a veeeery shitty neighborhood, with some not-so-nice looking people staring at us from the porches of run-down houses with bars on the windows and big cars in the driveways, while evening fades into night.
My first thought was "With the advent of all this modern GPS technology, I wonder how many times these people see idiots like us driving through their neigborhood?"

About then, Mrs. Curmudgeon says "Everyone make sure their window is up!"
I reply, "Windows won't stop a bullet! "Let's get the fuck outta here! Go back to Anaheim, take in some Arby's or some shit. Fuck that french dip."

Turn around. Back up to the freeway, merge north on I-5 yet a-fucking-gain. GPS - recalculate. Drive a bit more and ... yup. Take the next exit. Turn left on "Caesar gawd damn Chavez" avenue. But, the marvel of technology tells us we are within 900 feet of our destination. Sweet.
Drive a little. Okay, now we're 1100 feet from our destination. U-turn. Now, 600 feet. Okay, where the hell is it? Stop at a gas station to ask (Yes, some guys do stop and ask directions occasionally). Lo, and behold, we can see Phillipe's from the driveway of the gas station.
A couple times around the block to get to the place using the fucked up one-way streets, and there we are! Phillipe's! At last!

Total time departure to arrival: 1 hour, 30 minutes.

We have our sandwiches - which I will point out - were okay, but not that great. Not worth the trip. Especially, considering the reputation.

So without listening to the GPS this time, we head back to our hotel. We arrive at the motel in about 30 minutes. Breathe a sigh of relief, and settle in for the evening.


Do You Know Who Else Was One?


A Funny

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter
was having sex.

Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the
family's status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and
any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion.
He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth
control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the
woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother

'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'


Spam Subject of the Day

"Purchase today, larger pecker tomorrow"
You gonna mail me a dilda?


Monday, September 15, 2008

From The "Get A Life" Department

This is fucking funny - or maybe pathetic:
Mom allegedly uses daughter's ID to be cheerleader
According to the complaint, Brown wanted to get her high school degree and become a cheerleader because she didn't have a childhood and wanted to regain a part of her life that she'd missed.
Good gawd. Grow the hell up you fucking loser.


Hi All!

Yes, I'm back to the real world again.

Me and Mrs Curmudgeon had a swell time in sunny, southern KKKalifornia. It was good to get away, but I needed to get back so I could rest up. It's amazing just how much walking is involved whilst on vacation.

So, other than hurricanes and the idiots who stay behind to watch them, then expect the government to rescue their dumb asses from the wreckage, what's been going on while I was away?


Spam Subject of the Day

"Wherre DDreams Come True..."
A little stuttering problem there, fucknut?


Friday, September 05, 2008

Outta Here

I know all you kind people come here to catch up on all the news and really important things in life, but for the next week, you will sadly have to trust other news outlets and glean information from less trusted sources. For this I do apologize.

But fuck it. Mrs Curmudgeon and I are going on vacation starting tomorrow, and there is a real good chance I will be spending very little - if any - time on a computer.

So have fun, and try not to miss me too much.



Spam Subject of the Day

"Horny slut fucked in backseat of car"
What? Who ever heard of such a thing?


Thursday, September 04, 2008

Quote of the Day

I love Ann Coulter:
"But at least liberal reporters had finally found someone their own size to pick on: a 17-year-old girl."

Of course, she's referring to the press yammering on about Palin's knocked-up daughter.


Senate Placeholder

I'm liking her more and more.

Here's a little excerpt from VEEP nominee Sarah Palin's speech last night re John McCain:

A leader who's not looking for a fight, but is not afraid of one either. Harry Reid, the Majority Leader of the current do-nothing Senate, not long ago summed up his feelings about our nominee.

He said, quote, "I can't stand John McCain." Ladies and gentlemen, perhaps no accolade we hear this week is better proof that we've chosen the right man. Clearly what the Majority Leader was driving at is that he can't stand up to John McCain. That is only one more reason to take the maverick of the Senate and put him in the White House. My fellow citizens, the American presidency is not supposed to be a journey of "personal discovery." This world of threats and dangers is not just a community, and it doesn't just need an organizer.
BWAH! No doubt.
I don't like John McCain. But Obam-bam is even worse. But here's the rub: The fact that Harry Reid hates him is reason enough to vote for him.

Oh, and by the way, she said a lot of other sensible things too. Go read the rest if you didn't watch it on the teevee.


¿Dónde Está La Gustav?

This should be a no-brainer:
Illegal immigrants opted to stay during Gustav
Tue Sep 2, 6:50 PM ET

NEW ORLEANS - Many of the illegal immigrants who have been rebuilding New Orleans since Hurricane Katrina stayed behind when Gustav struck because they were afraid of being arrested if they boarded the buses and trains arranged by emergency officials.
Well folks. You know where they all are now, round 'em up and send 'em home before the citizens get back.


Spam Subject of the Day

"Solve your bed issues here"
Cool! A mattress sale!


Wednesday, September 03, 2008

From The "Who Gives A Fuck" Files

Why it's so hard to swat a fly
Reuters - Fri Aug 29, 12:50 PM ET

CHICAGO (Reuters) - The brains of flies are wired to avoid the swatter, U.S. researchers said on Thursday.
Oh goody. More money wasted on useless studies.


Spam Subject of the Day

"Ramming her from behind"
No thanks. I don't want to get a ticket.


Tuesday, September 02, 2008

For All The Lazy Mutherfukkers Out There

Too lazy to blog? Too tired? Too uninspired?
Well now you can have someone write a post for you!

Announcing The Lazy Bloggers Post Generator

Here's my first attempt, created by randomly selecting - well, selections:
Jeepers! I just climbed out from under my rock and realised I have not updated this since the last week of the last month... You would not believe it only hurts when I laugh. Not just a second one..

I am absolutely consumed with any regularity, rock crushing, just generally being a delightful mistress to the secret service, my day is passing in a blur from the first cockadoodledoo from the rooster to whenever. I am hoping one day they will call me 'mummy' again. but never say never.

I won't promise anything to you but that when the weather turns bad, I will blog more often. Fully! I will write more to certain yous; but it might not be you in particular who I write to..
And here's #2:
Good heavens! I just scared panicked dread I have not updated this since petrol was cheaper than a bottle of Grange!... You would not believe how heavy that rock really is. Apologies to my regular readers! Even the little blue ones!.

I am frantic with responding to fanmail, being distracted by the shiny, just generally being not online in order to recognise my children again, my day drinking from the second star on the right, straight on to midnight. I am not being a whinging Pom or anything. life happens.

I swear although very chaste ones. Promise! Don't hold your breath though, you're likely to turn blue..
Found at Erica's


Quote of the Day

Snagged from Squid:
"Now I do not wish any ill will upon anyone. I just think that it is rather convenient for George to conjure up this hurricane, just in time to hike up gas prices for Labor Day weekend. Isn't that typical of Bush? Charging people more money for gas to evacuate a global warming created storm?"
Good gawd. I'm sure the Bush haters will some way, somehow twist the shit into being his fault.



Spam Subject of the Day

"Your new pecker in the mail"
Well now, that oughta be lovely.