"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Friday, September 30, 2005

That's It For This Week

I'll be outta town, so I know I won't be posting or reading.
Do your best to get along without me.

Your gracious host,

Maybe I Should Be A Headhunter

With the Roberts nomination, there's still one vacancy on the Supreme Court.

Hey! Tom DeLay isn't doing anything at the moment....

Latest Fashion For The Working Man

From The Onion:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

If I had an outside job I would have to get me one o' them.


Just curious, but when Katrina hit Louisiana, we heard a lot about how they should never have built a town below sea level.
Why is it we don't hear as much about how these homes in California should never have been built in slide areas, or a where the potential for such devastating wildfires exists?

This Day in History - Cylenol

From HistoryChannel.com:
1982 Cyanide-laced Tylenol kills six

Flight attendant Paula Prince, the final victim of a mysterious ailment in Chicago, Illinois, dies. Over the previous 24 hours, five other people had suddenly died of unknown causes in northwest Chicago. After Prince's death, Richard Keyworth and Philip Capittelli, firefighters in the Windy City, realized that all seven victims had ingested Extra-Strength Tylenol prior to becoming ill. Further investigation revealed that several bottles of the Tylenol capsules had been poisoned with cyanide.

I remember this shit going on. That's why it now takes a chain saw and a vise to open a pill bottle.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Be spell by freeboard liking"

"♪♫ If I leave here tomorrow... ♪ Will you still remember me... ♫ 'Cause I'm as free as a board now... ♪ "

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Anna Nicole v. SCOTUS


"And that's it and that's the only thing I need, is this. I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that's all I need." *

"Anna martinni. Inee da martinni annnd mu money. Ineeda maaaartinni, mu money and...WHERE'S MU GAWDDAMMMARTINNNI sonabitches."

Spam Subject of the Day

"I fix go aubrietia"
Good. Go now.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005



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Fuck! Where's a suicide bomber when you really need one?

Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds, keeper of the holy toilet paper and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions and cows and kittens and blow-up dolls in his secret place.

Updated and repositioned: Word. thx->
Drunk and Pissed

Air AmeriQaeda

Can't seem to find the direct link on Roto-Reuters, but oh well.

From Roto-Reuters via Yahoo:
Qaeda supporters launch news show to reveal "truth"

DUBAI (Reuters) - It's the truth, according to al Qaeda.

Islamists loyal to Osama bin Laden's network have launched an Internet news show aimed at dispelling the "lies and propaganda" on major international and Arab television channels such as CNN and Al Jazeera.
All I could think of while reading this article was "To be simulcast on 'Air America'..."

This Day in History - Hey Jude

From HistoryChannel.com:

1968 "Hey Jude" breaks records

The Beatles' single "Hey Jude" hits the top of the charts. The song had debuted two weeks earlier at No. 10, the highest spot ever achieved by a new release up to that time. Over seven minutes long, it was the longest song ever to hit No. 1, a record it holds to this day.
The first 'Big Gulp'* song to hit #1 on the charts.

*The morning D.J.'s on one of our local classic rock stations used to call extra long songs "Big Gulp" songs, because when they got thirsty and wanted a Big Gulp, they would put one on. That would give them plenty of time to go across the street to the 7-11, get a Big Gulp and return before the song ended.


You've probably already seen this stupid quiz before, but I thought it was neat so here it is again.
This short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a "professional."
Use the mouse to click and drag from the word 'Answer' to 'End of answer' to highlight the answer. The questions are NOT that difficult. But don't highlight it UNTIL you have answered the question!

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
End of answer.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Did you say, "Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?" Wrong Answer.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
End of answer.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend...except one .... Which animal does not attend?

Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory.
End of answer.

Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is the home of crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?

Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.

This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
End of answer.

According to Anderson Consulting World-wide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many pre-schoolers got several correct answers.

How many did you get right?
1 - I'ts too early to be taking a quiz

2 - Okay, so maybe I'm a little dim

3 - Hah! I'm not that stupid!

4 - Move over all you four year olds

0 - I guess I'm an idiot

99 - I fucking hate quizes like this!

Current results

Spam Subject of the Day

"Is lose of sunburn overdrive"
Sounds painful to me.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

The Headline

Sheehan Arrested During Anti-War Protest

Good. The stupid bitch.

The Turtle Is In The News Again

Still ugly, still stupid.

From Roto-Reuters:
Lynndie England faces sentencing

England was found guilty on six counts on Monday, on charges that she "wrongfully posing for a photograph", including images in which she held a naked Iraqi prisoner by a leash and pointed to another inmate's genitals in the Abu Ghraib prison.
She posed for some pictures? Meh. Who cares.
She had a prisoner on a leash. Unimaginable.
Poined at a guy's nuts? Terrible. Just terrible. Oh the pain.

Even though she is ugly. The courts got a little carried away here.
But then, they got too much public pressure from leftist groups to let her get away with anything.

Ugly, stupid, and a mother.
Her child will have quite the photo album full of pictures of 'NaNa' to show the grandkids.

Oh, and the daddy of her child?:
The defense said England blindly followed Charles Graner, the abuse ringleader and father of her 11-month-old child. Graner, who has since married another woman and pleaded guilty in the scandal, is serving a 10-year sentence.
I can only imagine what 'The Other Woman' is like.

Score One For The Good Guys

As you may recall, I was a little upset about the illegal confiscation of personal firearms in Louisiana.

I'm glad this action was taken as swift as it was. Important enough to post in its entirety:
Police ordered not to seize guns

By Joyce Howard Price
September 24, 2005

The U.S. District Court of the Eastern District in Louisiana yesterday sided with gun rights groups and issued a restraining order to stop authorities from confiscating guns from law-abiding citizens in New Orleans in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.
"This is a significant victory for freedom and for the victims of Hurricane Katrina," said Wayne LaPierre, executive vice president of the 3 million-member National Rifle Association.
"The court's ruling is instant relief for victims who now have an effective means of defending themselves from the robbers and rapists who seek to further exploit the remnants of their shattered lives."
The federal court's ruling came just one day after the NRA and the Second Amendment Foundation jointly filed a motion to halt the seizures of firearms from private citizens who are not breaking the law.
The groups described the action by the New Orleans Police Department as "arbitrary," "without warrant or probable cause," and thus unconstitutional.
Mr. LaPierre said the NRA has evidence that as many as 100 guns were seized from New Orleans residents by armed police, who went door-to-door in different neighborhoods. An exact count is not available, he said, as New Orleans typically confiscated the guns without providing any paperwork.
He said the NRA learned about the policy two weeks ago from statements made by top New Orleans police officials in reports in the New York Times and ABC News.
Given the lawlessness that pervaded New Orleans after the damage wreaked by Katrina and her floodwaters, Police Superintendent P. Edwin Compass III was quoted as saying only law-enforcement personnel would be allowed to have weapons.
Mr. LaPierre said this was unfair, given that New Orleans police were unable to control crime in that city after Katrina, and citizens were rendered defenseless without their guns.
Two plaintiffs in the lawsuit were private citizens whose guns had been seized, Mr. LaPierre said.
After yesterday's court ruling, the NRA's chief lobbyist Chris W. Cox said: "This is an important victory. But the battle is not over. The NRA will remedy emergency statutes in all 50 states, if needed, to ensure that this injustice does not happen again."
My emphasis there. Did you see that? They took the guns and didn't even bother giving these people something like a receipt. Imagine the red tape they're going to go through when they want to get them back.

A big pinch on the cheek goes out to Austrslopithecus_africanus for sending me the link.

The World's Shortest Fairy Tale

Once upon a time,
a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"
The girl said, "NO!"
The guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and farted whenever he wanted.


Spam Subject of the Day

"It can so swift mastiff"
Damn Straight!

Monday, September 26, 2005


I like the show. But the one I would really like to have seen, with live test subjects, would be this one:
Episode 35
July 27, 2005

"Border Slingshot"
Illegal immigrants are being launched over the United States border by the means of a giant slingshot.


In addition to being unable to achieve the distance and accuracy reported, the device could not be constructed in a way to allow quick assembly and disassembly required for the myth.
They're getting here somehow though.

It's Not Bush's Fault?

Are you trying to tell me I was wrong?!?!?

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Don your tin foil hat, and take a look at this blog.

Brew Update

The Yellow Cloud Hefeweizen is bottled, and the Irish Ale has been racked to the secondary fermenter.

"Irish Ale? I don't remember any Irish Ale!" " you say.
Well, I guess I was slacking. I forgot to post it. So, without any more delay, here it is:
Diamond Dave's Irish Ale

6 # Light DME
3/4# honey

1/2 # 60 L Crystal
1/2 # Cara Pils

Boiling hops:
2 oz. Fuggles

Finish hops:
1 oz Hallertauer

White Labs Irish Ale Yeast

Stew grains in grain bag while bringing up to temp. ~165.
Add 1 oz. Fuggles
Brew at ~165 for 1 hour
Add 1 oz Fuggles last 15 minutes.
Add 1 oz. Hallertauer last 3 minutes
Cooled to ~78
Pitch yeast.
Primary fermenter 7 days.
Secondary fermenter 7 days.
This is cloned from the British Ale. Since the brew store didn't have British ale yeast, I opted for Irish Ale yeast. I also had some spare cara-pils so I threw that in.

It's already starting to clarify after less than 24 hours, and it smelled heavenly during the transfer. This should turn out to be an awesome brew.


I just cloned the headline for this article. I didn't bother reading the whole thing:
Survey: Retail Gas Prices Drop 20 Cents AP - 1 hour, 4 minutes ago

CAMARILLO, Calif. - Gasoline prices that reached all-time highs in the wake of Hurricane Katrina fell by an average of 20 cents a gallon in the past two weeks as some Gulf Coast refineries resumed production, according to a nationwide survey.

Bullshit. Not in my town.

Spam Subject of the Day

From: Jesus
Subject: Hot Shot stock Info
From the man himself. Must be good.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Final Thought On Rita Before I Most Likely Hang It Up For The Weekend

Do you suppose that all the extra preparations made prior to Rita slamming Texas would have been made if the governor of Texas would have been a democrat?

I wish the residents in the shadow of Rita all the best.


Stolen from "Release The Hounds" on an editorial in his newspaper:

Where was FEMA on the runway at LAX?

I watched on TV with millions of others as the JetBlue aircraft with faulty landing gear made an emergency landing Wednesday at LAX.

I saw the front landing gear catch on fire and wondered why George W. Bush did not have a fire truck running parallel with the plane so it could have responded and instantly doused the flames. I watched the plane come to a halt and sit there unattended for what seemed like an eternity before I saw a firetruck on the scene. Just another example of Bush's inept ability to govern.

Dennis Burkman

Mission Viejo

That incompetent sonuvabitch has done it again.

Cold, Dead Hands

From NRA-ILA :: Releases:

Thursday, September 22, 2005

(Fairfax, VA) - Today, the National Rifle Association (NRA) filed a motion in United States District Court for the Eastern District of Louisiana seeking a temporary restraining order to block authorities from confiscating law-abiding citizens’ firearms in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

“New Orleans is the first city in the United States to forcibly disarm peaceable law-abiding citizens and it must be the last. Victims are dealing with a complete breakdown of government. At a time when 911 is non-operational and law enforcement cannot respond immediately to calls for help, people have only the Second Amendment to protect themselves, their loved ones and their property,” said NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre.

“The NRA stands with law-abiding Americans, who agree that at their most vulnerable moment, their right to defend themselves and their families should not be taken away,” said Chris W. Cox, NRA’s chief lobbyist.

According to The New York Times, the New Orleans superintendent of police directed that no civilians in New Orleans will be allowed to have guns and that “only law enforcement are allowed to have weapons.” ABC News quoted New Orleans’ deputy police chief, saying, “No one will be able to be armed. We are going to take all the weapons.”

“The NRA is determined to stop this blatant abuse of power by local politicians. It is disgraceful that any government official would further endanger the lives of innocent victims by issuing this ridiculous order. We are very grateful to the many rank and file police officers who have come forward and assisted NRA in exposing these violations of constitutional freedoms. We are also pleased that the Second Amendment Foundation is joining us in this effort,” added Cox.

“The actions of the New Orleans government have destroyed the one levee that stands between law-abiding citizens and anarchy - the Right to Keep and Bear Arms. The NRA will not rest until this injustice is resolved,” concluded LaPierre.

What the fuck are these people thinking? Are they out of their gawddamn minds? And no, I don't mean the NRA. I mean the idiotic police in New Orleans.
Anyone there without a gun now is a sitting duck for any asshole who would want something from them, be it property or whatever.
There obviously isn't enough law enforcement to go around, not there ever was, and now the police want to take away their only form of protection?

This Day in History - Neptune

From HistoryChannel.com:
1846 Eighth planet discovered

German astronomer Johann Gottfried Galle discovers the planet Neptune at the Berlin Observatory.

Neptune, generally the eighth planet from the sun, was postulated by the French astronomer Urbain-Jean-Joseph Le Verrier, who calculated the approximate location of the planet by studying gravity-induced disturbances in the motions of Uranus. On September 23, 1846, Le Verrier informed Galle of his findings, and the same night Galle and his assistant Heinrich Louis d'Arrest identified Neptune at their observatory in Berlin. Noting its movement relative to background stars over 24 hours confirmed that it was a planet.

The blue gas giant, which has a diameter four times that of Earth, was named for the Roman god of the sea. It has eight known moons, of which Triton is the largest, and a ring system containing three bright and two dim rings. It completes an orbit of the sun once every 165 years. In 1989, the U.S. planetary spacecraft Voyager 2 was the first human spacecraft to visit Neptune.

Again, Right-Click, 'View Image'. Spiffy.

Garbage Day

In reference to this post, Austrslopithecus_africanus commented:
"i remember,sigh, on the way to school. In the biiiiiiiiiiiiigg blue pontiac station waggon. my brother and i would play tag jumping on the seats, hanging out the window.If we saw a cop they would smile and wave. Not that i'll tell my kids this, i'll wait and tell thiers. haha"
Well, it brung to mind the station wagon we used to have. Oh yes, the big old tuna boats. But ours wasn't a Pontiac.
Our town was small enough that they didn't have a garbage truck going from house to house. We had to take our own trash to the dump, which was all of about four blocks away.

My dad would put down the tailgate of the station wagon, set the garbage cans in the back, and my friends and I would sit on the tailgate and drag our feet, with the family dog in hot persuit.
A sight to be sure.

Dad would go to jail for that nowdays.

Spam Subject of the Day

"He sing a swop milliliter"
Oh what a sweet tune it is.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Slap Mah Fro

This post gets even better when passed through 'jive' selection of The Dialectizer:
ah' Gots A BooBoo! Preach it loud, bruddah!! Right on!

From de AP via Yahoo:

Peace Activist Sheehan Hurt at Rally

NEW YORK - Anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan said Tuesday she wuz hurt slightly in some scuffle dat erupted when honky pigs broke down some rally as she wuz at da damn microphone.

"I wuz rappin' and some sucka grabbed mah' backpack and pulled me back fine roughly," Sheehan said, describin' de scene at Manhattan's Union Square on Monday. Slap mah fro! "I wuz shoved around."

"I dink deir use uh fo'ce wuz fine 'sessive fo' some sucka dat dun didn't gots some puh'mit," Sheehan said

Oh, de poo' wittow baby. Slap mah fro!

She digs bounced around some little . Compared wid de treatment Iraqi sucka's gots fum Saddam and his 'sucka's', well, go fuck yo'self Cindy. Slap mah fro!

Rita II

The tin-foil hat club claims this hurricane season is worse than ever due to global warming.
I say bullshit, but then what do I know. I'm not an environmentalist or any other sort of global scientist. I think they're just trying to further their agenda and get some grant money from the government.

What I think is that the earth has cycles we can't even begin to understand.

We only have a couple hundred years of weather history, and only a few decades of any sort of global data collected which we could possibly use to make any sort of predictions of even a day or two now. We have satellites floating around space taking pictures all the time, all sorts of earth and space based extremely sensitive instruments, to where we can see what's happening all around the world at any given time, and yet we still can't tell exactly what idea mother nature is going to get into her head at any given time. She can change her mind on a whim and sure. Our predictions may be close, but weather prediction is still and probably never will be an exact science. Even Bush (believe it or not) has no control over the weather.

We don't even know what really happened a thousand years ago on this planet, save for a few theories based on interpretations of old records. Since so many of these are biased toward religious rituals or deities, we can't even conclude that they haven't been fudged a little.
Even so, this data is still localized and not the least bit global.

My point to this spiel is that the earth could be entering, going through or even finishing a major hurricane cycle, and all we can do is ride it out and see if it continues.

But then again, it could be The Almighty spewed his wrath upon the residents of New Orleans because of Ellen Degenerate hosting the Emmy's. Those residents fled to Houston, and all that did was piss The Almighty off even more. So now he's going after Houston with a vengance. Try to run them out of there too.

Back When I was A Boy

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Uphill. Both ways.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Crackers and cheese"
What's this? A real sentence?
But no thanks anyway.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

I Got A BooBoo!!!

From the AP via Yahoo:
Peace Activist Sheehan Hurt at Rally

NEW YORK - Anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan said Tuesday she was hurt slightly in a scuffle that erupted when police broke up a rally as she was at the microphone.

"I was speaking and someone grabbed my backpack and pulled me back pretty roughly," Sheehan said, describing the scene at Manhattan's Union Square on Monday. "I was shoved around."

"I think their use of force was pretty excessive for someone that didn't have a permit," Sheehan said
Oh, the poor wittow baby.

She gets bounced around a little . Compared with the treatment Iraqi people got from Saddam and his 'people', well, go fuck yourself Cindy.

A Hometown Hero

Homeowner Shoots Burglars
Posted: Sept. 20, 2005

Homeowner foils robbery by shooting 2 men who tried to break into his home.
It happened Monday night around 8pm. The man says he was sleeping when he heard two men climb through a window. He told the men to get down on the ground. They didn't comply, and the homeowner thought he saw a weapon, so he shot them. A third man jumped over a wall and got away. The two men drove themselves to Valley Hospital, and emergency room staff members called police. The two men were taken to UMC and underwent surgery. They're expected to be ok.
Though this station reported the incident rather tersely and of course, liberally (trust me, I saw the newscast), they had a link. This station said in so many words, "...have a dog. ...have an alarm".
The less liberal station said "...the homeowner was well within his rights and was defending himself and his property."

Now here's the longer version loosely quoted, which was reported by the less liberal stations:
The homeowner was dozing in his living room at about 8:00p.m. He was awakened by someone repeatedly ringing the doorbell. When he looked through the peephole, there was no one there. He was going back to his living room and saw three silhouettes through the bedroom window, trying to pry the screen off. He grabbed his 9mm in one hand and the phone in the other and made several attempts to call 911 but got no answer. After about the fourth try, he finally got an answer from 911 and told them his house was being burglarized.

He then heard the crash of glass from his window being broken by a rock. As he approached the room from where the sound came from, he saw two intruders had already entered through the broken window. He told them to get on the ground. None acknowledged or complied.
So when one of them raised his arm and started turning toward him, he started unloading the 9mm in them.
He hit two of the men, but they managed to escape back through the window and drive themselves to the hospital.

Roughly five minutes later, the police arrived.

Couple good things here. One is that the homeowner stood up for himself and defended his life and property. Another good thing is that two were wounded and arrested.

But there are a couple bad things here too. One - they weren't killed. They'll be back. Another - the third guy got away. He'll continue his life of crime. And lastly, 911 - ring with no answer? What the fuck is with that?

This happened in my town, a few miles away. I'm glad the dude was armed. At least maybe other bad guys will think twice before trying to get into other peoples' homes.


From Roto-Reuters:
Rita now Category 4 hurricane

MIAMI (Reuters) - After lashing the Florida Keys, Hurricane Rita was upgraded on Wednesday into a more powerful Category 4 storm as it headed across the Gulf of Mexico on a course that could take it to Texas and dump more rain on Katrina-battered Louisiana.

Rita's winds increased to 135 mph (193-kph) winds as it headed into the Gulf. The storm hit the Florida Keys but did not get close enough to reach the vulnerable chain of islands with its most destructive forces.
And this little gem tucked away in the story:
U.S. crude-oil prices rose...
Of course.

But the reason I posted this, is as I heard about it, all I could think was how the same groups of whiney-assed crybabies who were bitching about how bad of a job the government did with Katrina must be just giddy, on the edge of their seats, hoping the government fucks this scenario up too so they can point out how bad they are doing once again.

Personally, I am concerned for these people and wish them the best, and that they don't have to deal what victims of Katrina are having to deal with.

Spam Subject of the Day

"He do so hardware coterminous"
Coterminous? Such big words from such a maroon.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005


But of course they do. From Roto-Reuters:
Protesters draw link between Katrina and Iraq war

President George W. Bush's faltering performance after Hurricane Katrina, like his decision to invade Iraq, show his priorities are at odds with actions needed to keep Americans safe, anti-war protesters said on Monday.
Again, it's all Bush's fault the Louisiana democrats failed to do their job. (Click the link, dammit! It will open in a new window.)

But wait! There's more!
Cindy who? Oh, her! She popped up again!
"One of the bogus reasons that George Bush gives for this invasion (and) occupation of Iraq is to make America safer -- and Katrina exposed that clearly he has made America more vulnerable through his policies in Iraq," anti-war activist and bereaved mother Cindy Sheehan told a morning news conference.
Okay, it's really sad that she's using Katrina to promote her agenda, but nevertheless, she's still talking out her ass. How exactly is it that we're now more vulnerable, since we've clearly displayed that we're ready and willing to put up a fight if we need to?
U.S. troops fighting an unexpectedly stubborn insurgency in Iraq should come home to help face domestic challenges like the unprecedented humanitarian relief and recovery effort on the Gulf Coast, said the activists, who will stage a march on Washington this weekend.
Fuck those Iraqi people. They don't need or deserve our help anyway.

You know, the world keeps on-a-turnin'. Even though there are some things we need to take care of here, there are still a lot of things which need taken care of abroad. We can't just abandon our other duties.

Again I say, we have thousands of armed forces personnel who are not stationed overseas. They're right here in the country - believe it or not - and can be sent where they are needed, when they are needed. Sort of like how they were sent to New Orleans a week or so ago. Remember?

They're ready to go and do their job. Unless some local government officials refuse their help.

This Day in History - David Bowie

Speaking of me listening to music, ...

From HistoryChannel.com:
1975 David Bowie's first chart-topper

David Bowie scores his first No. 1 hit with 'Fame,' from his album Young Americans.

Bowie, born David Jones, attended high school in London but dropped out to play music with a series of bands. He became interested in theater and art movements in the mid 1960s, studying mime and Japanese Kabuki theater. He formed his own mime company while recording several albums. His first album, The World of David Bowie, was released in 1967. Like his next few albums, it presented Bowie as a singer-songwriter.
Good lord. That long ago?

Spam Subject of the Day

"As try it fritter"
I like fritters.

Monday, September 19, 2005


But it was all Bush's fault, dammit! Wasn't it?

Top 50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs

From VH1.

Being from VH1, one must take their opinion with a grain of salt. But some I have to agree on. Here's my take on some of the songs. I don't know a bunch of them, but I have to disagree with a couple of them being bad:

50: Sunglasses at Night - Corey Hart
Never did like tha stupid song.

49: I'll Be Missing You - Various Artists

48: Can I Touch You...There? - Michael Bolton
Don't know it

47: Something in Common - Bobby Brown
Don't know it, but since it's Bobby Brown, I'm sure I wouldn't like it.

46: Two Princes - Spin Doctors

45: Sorry 2004 - Ruben Studdard
Don't know it, or him.

44: We Didn't Start the Fire - Billy Joel
I don't know why this got airtime. Boring, repetitive...

43: Make Em Say Ugh, Pt. 2 - Master P
Don't know it, or him. But with a name like that, I'm sure it's some suck-ass rap song.

42: Cotton Eye Joe - Various Artists
Not familiar

41: Some Girls (Dance With Women) - JC Chasez
Nope, don't know it.

40: What's Up? - 4 Non Blondes
I like this song. Good vocals.

39: Informer - Snow
Nope, don't know it.

38: Mesmerize - Ja Rule
This one either.

37: From a Distance - Bette Midler
Bett Midler is always better from a distance. A looooong distance.

36: I Wanna Sex You Up - Color Me Badd
I only heard this like, once. On accident. Don't remember how it goes.

35: Heartbeat - Don Johnson
Don Johnson? Gimme a fucking break. He can't sing.

34: Butterfly - Crazy Town
Don't know it.

33: Jenny from the Block - Jennifer Lopez
Never heard it.

32: Broken Wings - Mr. Mister
Lame. Boring.

31: You Remind Me of Something - R. Kelly
Don't know it.

30: Pimp Juice - Nelly
Nelly. Smelly. Don't know the song, can't stand the idiot.

29: I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That) - Meat Loaf
Boring. Repetitive. Useless.

28: Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley
Bubble gum. Shitty.

27: Rump Shaker - Wreckx n Effect
Don't know it.

26: The Only Thing That Looks Good on Me Is You - Bryan Adams
Not familiar.

25: You Rock My World - Michael Jackson
Michael effing Jacksoff anything sucks.

24: Sussudio - Phil Collins
There as a time there that whenever Phil Collins farted, they would record it and stamp it gold. Most of his shit is just that.

23: Thong Song - Sisqó
Not familiar.

22: Dancing on the Ceiling - Lionel Richie
See #24. Substitute name.

21: I'll Be There for You [Theme from Friends] - Various Artists
Meh, not that bad.

20: Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American) - Toby Keith
Don't know it. Toby Keith? Hillbilly? Can't imagine it would be very good.

19: You're the Inspiration - Chicago

18: Pumps and a Bump - Hammer

17: I'm Too Sexy - Right Said Fred
Extremely lame.

16: The Final Countdown - Europe
Like a fart in a whirlwind - a bunch of hot air.

15: MMM, MMM, MMM, MMM - Crash Test Dummies
Not familiar.

14: Will 2k [Featuring K-Ci] - Will Smith
Will Smith?

13: Barbie Girl - Aqua
Not familiar.

12: Hangin' Tough - New Kids on the Block
Yeah. Tough. Don't know the song, but the group is lame.

11: Rico Suave - Gerardo
Don't know it.

10: The Heart of Rock & Roll - Huey Lewis

9: Don't Worry, Be Happy - Various Artists
Yup, real lame.

8: She Bangs - Ricky Martin

7: Party All the Time - Eddie Murphy
Yeah, Eddie Murphy? Singing? You and Don Johnson just, just go away.

6: Breakfast At Tiffany's - Deep Blue Something
Eh, date song. So-so.

5: Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice
Not familiar.

4: Rollin' (Urban Assault Vehicle) - Limp Bizkit
This one either.

3: Everybody Have Fun Tonight - Wang Chung

2: Achy Breaky Heart - Billy Ray Cyrus
"♪♫ ...Don't you let a fart... ♪. A smelly smelly fart♪♫ ...".

1: We Built This City - Starship
Decent music, bad theme.

There are plenty to add to this list, but this is their list so I won't bother.

Spam Subject of the Day

"his put in chipping skein"

Hey! A golf fan!

Saturday, September 17, 2005

This Day In History - Constitution Signed

From HistoryChannel.com:
1787 U.S. Constitution signed

The Constitution of the United States of America is signed by 38 of 41 delegates present at the conclusion of the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia. Supporters of the document waged a hard-won battle to win ratification by the necessary nine out of 13 U.S. states.
"...the oldest written constitution in operation in the world."

A Prayer

Sorta rings true:
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule.
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.

If Scripture now the class recites
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense, it's the freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise,
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the State.

We're allowed to cuss & dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues & cheeks.
They've outlawed guns; but FIRST the Bible
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.

We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the unwed daddy, our Senior King.
It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such "judgments" do not belong.

We can get our condoms, & birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires & totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No Word of God must reach this crowd.

It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot, My soul please take.

Author unknown.
Tip o' the lid to delftsman.

Air Traffic Near The Gulf Coast

"static... Control? - Chopper 3. I need 2 Michael Moores, 3 Ted Kennedy's and 1 more Dianne Feinstein over here on levee 1 if I'm going to get this breech plugged...static"

"static...Chopper 3? - Control - Roger that...static"

Spam Subject of the Day

"That fly it vertebrate irradiate"
A new WMD!

Friday, September 16, 2005

Overheard in the eight row of Cindy Sheehan's nearly empty bus somewhere between that one big oil field and the big statue of an ear of corn...

...opposite the smelly, long haired couple in the sixth row wearing headbands and denim jackets with red, white and blue embroidered peace signs and yellow embroidered smileys, quietly singing "I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing", and passing a joint:

"God-damn that fucking twister! Hello? Anyone?"

"Sorry lady. We just needed a ride, cool? Here. Have some..."

Another Golf Funny

The husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 year of marriage.

The counselor asks them what the problem is and the wife goes into a tirade listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they've been married. She goes on and on and on!! Finally, the counselor gets up, goes around the desk, embraces the woman and kisses her passionately. The woman shuts up and sits quietly in a daze.

The counselor turns to the husband and says "That is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do that?"

The husband thinks for a moment and replies, "Well, I can get her here Monday and Wednesday, but Friday I golf."

"For The Good Of My Child"

A play in 2 short acts, by Curmudgeon.

Act I, scene I:
Curtain opens inside a trailer in Las Vegas, where 21 year-old Girlfriend is sitting around drinking a beer with 50 year-old, ex-con Boyfriend.
Boyfriend: "So here's the plan. You go to work for an armored car company which picks up money from casinos and takes it to the bank. Give it oh, six weeks or so, until they trust you. Then, one day as your co-workers are in the casino gathering up the money, you just simply drive away with the money you have already collected. Ditch the truck, and we'll fly to Amsterdam."
Girlfriend: "Ok"
Act I, scene II:
In front of a Las Vegas mega-resort, where two uniformed guards are standing holding bags of money.
Co-workers: "Where the fuck did she go?"
Act I, scene III:
Amsterdam several months later. Boyfriend and Girlfriend are in an apartment, throwing things at each other.
Boyfriend: "Bu-bye"
Act II, scene I:
Amsterdam ten years later. Girlfriend in a run-down apartment, in the basement of a friend's house.
Girlfriend: "Son, I think I'm going to surrender. You stay here in school, practice your guitar, have fun at your sporting club, do your homework, and I'll see you soon. You will be cared for by friends in Amsterdam..."
Act II, scene II:
Las Vegas federal courthouse.
Girlfriend: "I surrender. I'm tired of hiding and want my 10-year-old son to have a normal life."
Federal Judge: "Where's the money?"
Girlfriend: "Boyfriend has it."
Act II, scene III:
Loomis Armored office.
Loomis: "We welcom Girlfriend's surrender but I don't suppose she turned the money in when she turned herself in,"
Cue music.
Fade to black.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Have lose an wheel herewith"
And car tree into run road off.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Golf Joke

A man is stranded on a desert isle.

Finally, after weeks of being alone, eating coconuts and drinking coconut milk, he sees a ship on the horizon. He starts frantically waving for what seemed an eternity, and eventually sees a scuba diver swimming toward the island.

As the diver gets out of the water and takes off the mask, he is totally taken aback, realizing she is a beautiful woman.

The woman unzips one pocket sleeve retrieving a candy bar, hands it to him and says "When was the last time you had one of these?"

He replies "I can't even remember how long it's been."

She unzips another sleeve pocket, pulls out a flask of whiskey, and says "When was the last time you had a drink of this?"

Again he says "I just can't remember when."

Now she starts unzipping the front of her diving suit and says "When was the last time you had some of this?"

Before she even gets the zipper halfway down the man can't contain himself any longer. He blurts out "DON'T TELL ME YOU HAVE A SET OF GOLF CLUBS IN THERE!!!"

I Reckon It's A Boy Y'all

Britney and Kevin were walking down the road and Kevin says to Britney, "Look at that dog with one eye!"

Britney covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"
Michael Jacksoff is already sitting in the limo, waiting for a ride to her house...

Youl Rips So Soft Rike Dead Chinaman

Here's the link to this story:
LONDON (AFP) - A British newspaper said that a Chinese cosmetics company was using skin harvested from the corpses of executed convicts to develop beauty products for sale in Europe.

Agents for the firm, which could not be named for legal reasons, have told would-be customers that skin taken from prisoners after they have been shot is being used to develop collagen for lip and wrinkle treatments, the Guardian newspaper said following an undercover investigation.

"The agents say some of the company's products have been exported to the UK, and that the use of skin from condemned convicts is 'traditional' and nothing to 'make such a big fuss about'," the daily alleged.
Oh the j0kes that spring to mind...
Suffice it to say, which cosmetic products would you rather use; those made from chinese convicts, those made from *recycled grill fat, or those made from whale blubber?

*Elaboration: When we first moved into our current home, there was a factory a few blocks away that - we were informed - was in their last few months of their lease and would be going away in a year or so.
We asked what they manufactured there and were told they collected used grease from the numerous fry grills in hotels, motels, bars, fast food joints and so on, throughout the city.
They then took the grease to this plant, did whatever it is they do, then sold it to cosmetics manufacturers whereupon it was turned into makeup, lipstick,...

Well, they eventually moved out, and the place caught fire. Now THAT was a hot fire. I remember it well...
Around midnight, Christmas eve 1999. A turkey in the smoker, sirens in the air, police informing me "YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO CARRY AN OPEN CONTAINER ON CITY STREETS. TAKE IT HOME NOW!"

Spam Subject of the Day

"do drive on hinder"
Ahh. Doggy style.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

A Funny

This is why we trail so many countries in math.

I was sitting in a cafeteria recently, next to a woman who was engrossed in her newspaper. One of the headlines blared:

"12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed."

She shook her head at the sad news.
Then, turning to me, asked, "How many is a Brazilian?"

Roll Call

For those of you that don't already know - Michael Moore-on is still fat and stupid, Courtney Love is still ugly, and Ted Rall is still an idiot:
"The U.S. government can easily pick up the tab for people inconvenienced by bad weather...
Disaster relief is too important to be left to private fundraisers...
Yeah, the government should take care of us. Hold our hands, wipe our ass, give us a big welfare teat to suckle, make a bunch of laws to protect us from harm, take away rights that we really don't need or deserve - In general, tell us what we can and can't do, or what we can and can't have.

Sounds like Nirvana to me.

p.s.: Cindy who?

Thanks Again

As an update to this post, here is an update list from the U.S. State Department of aid offers:

_AFGHANISTAN: Offered $100,000.

_ALBANIA: $300,000 pledged.

_ARMENIA: $200,000 pledged.

_AUSTRALIA: Donating $8 million to American Red Cross.

_AUSTRIA: Offered tarps and camp beds.

_AZERBAIJAN: tarps, camp beds

_BAHAMAS: Pledged $50,000.

_BANGLADESH: Offered $1 million and said it would send 160 disaster management experts, including doctors, nurses, engineers and others.

_BELGIUM: Offered medical teams, generators, water pumps.

_BRITAIN: Sending 500,000 ration packs.

_CAMBODIA: The king donated $20,000 to match the $20,000 government donation.

_CANADA: $5 million pledged to relief fund; sending planes, three warships and coast guard vessel with supplies, helicopters, search and rescue and security teams.

_CHINA: Offered $5 million to aid survivors, 1,000 tents, 600 generators, bed sheets. Said it would help with medical care and epidemic prevention if needed.

_CUBA: Offered 1,100 doctors.

_CYPRUS: Offered $50,000.

_CZECH REPUBLIC: Ready to send rescue teams, field hospital and pumps and water processing equipment.

_DOMINICA: Offered police to monitor hard-hit areas.

_DOMINICAN REPUBLIC: Offered rescue workers, doctors and nurses.

_DJIBOUTI: Offered $50,000.

_EQUATORIAL GUINEA: Pledged $500,000.

_EL SALVADOR: Offered soldiers to monitor disaster areas.

_FINLAND: Sent a 30-member rescue team and three Red Cross logistics experts. Offered 300 tents, a water purification unit, sterile gloves, bed sheets, pillow covers, tarps and first aid kits.

_FRANCE: Flying in tents, blankets, cots, medical kits, generators and other supplies. Offered aircraft, ships and helicopters.

_GABON: Offered $500,000.

_GERMANY: Sending emergency food rations and water pumps. Offered medical supplies, vaccination teams, water purification equipment, medical evacuation aircraft and crisis management experts.

_GREECE: Offered two cruise ships to help house homeless, relief supplies and rescue crews.

_GUYANA: Organizing a telethon to raise money for victims.

_HONDURAS: Offered 135 flooding and sanitation experts.

_HUNGARY: Pledged $5,000 and offered to send in five doctors.

_ICELAND: Offered $500,000.

_INDIA: Donated $5 million to American Red Cross. Sent tarps, blankets and hygiene kits.

_INDONESIA: Offered 45 doctors and 155 other medical staffers and 10,000 blankets.

_IRAQ: $1 million pledged to Red Cross via the Red Crescent.

_IRELAND: $1.2 million pledged.

_ISRAEL: Sending medical team. Offered hundreds of doctors, trauma experts and other medical staff as well as field hospitals and other relief.

_ITALY: Sent military transport plane with blankets, cots and bed supplies for 15,000 people, plus inflatable dinghies, water purifiers and first-aid kits.

_JAPAN: Contributing $200,000 to American Red Cross. Prepared to provide up to $300,000 worth of tents, blankets, generators, portable water tanks and other equipment.

_KENYA: Offered $100 million plus an additional $400 million in petroleum products.

_KOSOVO: $327,131 pledged.

_KUWAIT: Providing $500 million worth of oil and other aid.

_LATVIA: Offered a disaster relief team.

_LUXEMBOURG: Sending five aid experts, two jeeps and 1,000 camp beds and 2,000 blankets.

_MALAYSIA: Pledged $1 million to Red Cross.

_MALDIVES: Sending $25,000 to Red Cross.

_MAURITANIA: Promised $200,000 to Red Cross.

_MEXICO: $1 million. Offered two navy ships, 15 amphibious vehicles, two helicopters, 15 heavy trucks, health brigades and rescue teams. Sent 45 truckloads of supplies and two field kitchens.

_MONGOLIA: $50,000 pledged.

_NATO: Ferrying supplies.

_NETHERLANDS: Sent navy frigate with helicopters, medical supplies, boats and marines. Sent levee inspection team, water pumps.

_NEW ZEALAND: Pledged $1.4 million to Red Cross. Offered search specialists and victim identification team.

_NIGERIA: Pledged $1 million.

_NORWAY: Promised $1.54 million in cash and supplies.

_OMAN: Pledged $15 million.

_ORGANIZATION OF AMERICAN STATES: Donated $25,000 to American Red Cross.

_PAKISTAN: $1 million pledged to Red Cross, offered to send doctors and paramedics.

_PALAU: $50,000 pledged.

_PAPUA NEW GUINEA: Promised $10,000 to Red Cross.

_PERU: Offered medical team of 80 to 100 people.

_PHILIPPINES: Philippines Red Cross donating $25,000. Government offered to send 25-man relief team.

_PORTUGAL: Offering tents, mattresses, blankets, hygiene kits. Lending 2 percent of its strategic oil reserve, equivalent to 500,000 barrels of oil.

_QATAR: Offered $100 million.

_ROMANIA: Sending two teams of medical experts.

_RUSSIA: Sending three transport planes with generators, food, tents, blankets, drinking water and medical supplies.

_SAUDI ARABIA: Promised $5 million from Aramco, $250,000 from AGFUND.

_SINGAPORE: Sent three transport helicopters and 38 soldiers.

_SLOVAKIA: Promised blankets, beds, first aid kits.

_SOUTH KOREA: Donating $30 million in government and civilian assistance and sending search team and relief supplies.

_SPAIN: Sent 16 tons of supplies, including food rations, tents and blankets. Also contributing a naval ship to a
NATO-led operation.

_SRI LANKA: Pledged $25,000 to American Red Cross.

_SWEDEN: Sending plane stocked with water-treatment equipment, plastic jugs, water-purification experts. Offered aircraft to help distribute supplies.

_SWITZERLAND: Offering 40-50 tons worth of supplies, including large tents, wool blankets, hygiene kits. Offered to send four doctors, two water experts, one environmental expert.

_TAIWAN: Pledged $2 million, supplies.

_THAILAND: Dispatching at least 60 doctors and nurses along with rice.

_TURKEY: Promised $2.5 million in cash and aid.

_UGANDA: $200,000 pledged.

_UNITED ARAB EMIRATES: $100 million pledged.

_VENEZUELA: Offered 1 million barrels of gasoline, $5 million in cash, water purification plants, rescue volunteers and more than 50 tons of canned food and water. Venezuela's Citgo Petroleum Corp. pledged $1 million.

_VIETNAM: Pledged $100,000.

_YEMEN: $100,000 promised to Red Cross.

I think it's a pretty impressive list.

Sources: Governments, U.S. State Department.

Apples : Oranges

More from Roto-Reuters:
Heavy drinking tied to heart rhythm problem in men

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Men who consume 35 or more alcoholic drinks per week are 45 percent more likely to experience atrial fibrillation, a heart rhythm problem, than their peers who consume less than one drink per week, new research shows.
Let's compare '35 or more' with 'less than one'. Seems like a wide gap to me. You could come up with about any statistic with proportions like that.

What happened to '10 or more, ' 2 or more', or even '1 or more'? How many tests did they run for how many years before they found someone who had heart arrhythmias to where they could validate some statistic?

Must have cost them a fortune in cocktails.


From Roto-Reuters:
Delta, Northwest mull bankruptcy

NEW YORK (Reuters) - The boards of Delta Air Lines Inc. (DAL.N: Quote, Profile, Research) and Northwest Airlines Corp. (NWAC.O: Quote, Profile, Research) are slated to meet on Wednesday as the third- and fourth-largest U.S. air carriers teeter on the edge of bankruptcy.

Bankruptcy filings by both would double the ranks of major U.S. airlines operating under court protection to four, dramatizing the industry's struggle with soaring fuel prices and competition from low-cost carriers.

Looks like the government (meaning us) will be bailing out two more airlines.
I say let 'em sell their airplanes to pay their bills, then fold.

Good Gawd

You people crack me up.

I've gotten more shit about the 'artist' post than any other opinion post I've made. Even political.
I really touched a nerve there I guess.

I enjoy reading the comments anyway though.

Spam Subject of the Day

"her watch or rusk frogspawn"
Frogspawn. It's evil I say, EEEVIL!

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

A Worthy Quote

Shamelessly stolen from Release The Hounds:
"Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun."

Here It Comes

From Roto-Reuters:
Bush: 'I take responsibility':

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President George W. Bush took responsibility on Tuesday for any failures in the federal response to Hurricane Katrina and acknowledged the storm exposed serious deficiencies at all levels of government four years after the September 11 attacks.

'To the extent that the federal government didn't fully do its job right, I take responsibility,' Bush told a White House news conference at which he openly questioned U.S. preparedness for another storm or a 'severe attack.'
Okay lefties. You've been waiting, no demanding an admission of culpibility. You have one. Now commence with the "I told you so"'s and "We knew that"'s and whatever smug comments you can make about how bad of job you pointed out that the administration was doing.

Did this admission get anyone's house, job, life back?

Oh, and please remember to point this out come November 2008, will you?

Another Entry From The 'Get A Life' Department

Spiffy pictures, but obviously the dude has way too much time on his hands.

Every time I see this sort of attention whore, I wonder what people like this could accomplish if they put forth the same amount of energy toward an actual "useful" cause.

Huh? Whuzzat?

More from the 'obvious' files, via :
Experts: Headphones Worsen Hearing Loss

By MARTHA IRVINE, AP National Writer

CHICAGO - Researchers fear the growing popularity of portable music players and other items that attach directly to the ears — including cell phones — is contributing to hearing loss in younger people.

So what do we do about this catastrophe? Well, let's start 'em young:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Spam Subject of the Day

"Are cough at instrumentation"
". . . from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee; from hell's instrumentation I cough at thee. " - Herman Melville *

* Loosely quoted.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Brew Entry

I finally got around to brewing over the weekend.
By the time the halloween party comes around, the beer should be ready to sample. I hopes it's ready, because it's going to get consumed anyway.

So here's the recipe:
Yellow Cloud Hefeweizen

6 lbs. malted Wheat
3 lbs. 2-row
1 lb honey

Boiling hops:
1 oz. Tettnanger (60 min.)

Finish hops:
1/2 oz. Saaz (15-25 min.)

Aroma hops:
1/2 oz. Saaz (5 min.)

White Labs Hefeweizen #300

Mash grains bringing temperature to between 155-165.
After 1 hour, remove grains and sparge.
Add honey and Tettnanger hops and maintain temp between 155-165 for 1 more hour.
Add 1/2 oz. Saaz hops the last 15 minutes.
Add another 1/2 oz. Saaz hops the last 5 minutes.

This batch incorporates the use of a carboy chiller I manufactured. The ambient temperature of the garage is still hanging between 75 and 85 degrees, and I need to keep the brew down between 65 and 75-ish. So I madea cooler.

How? Glad you asked.
A ring of 1/2" copper tubing with many holes drilled on the downside. This is attached to a length of plastice tubing about 2-1/2 feet long, which is attached to a submersible pump.
The carboy is wrapped in a dark towel, sat in a tub of water. The chiller sits around the neck of the carboy, and water is pumped through the ring, where it can soak the towel and run back into the tub.

I can't seem to find a picture on Al Gore's internet, so I guess I'll have to take one my damn-self one of these days.

Anyway, the temperature has been steady at 66 degrees since saturday. This is a good thing.

A Personal Observation (Update 2)

Regarding this post and this post, I forgot to get it. Shit!
I really need to get some.

This Day in History - The Beaver

From HistoryChannel.com:
1963 Leave It to Beaver ends

Leave It to Beaver, which had debuted in 1957, airs its last episode. The typical 1950s 'wholesome family' comedy presented the lives of the Cleaver family from the perspective of seven-year-old Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver. The clan included parents June and Ward, and older brother Wally. The show enjoyed much popularity in reruns and a revival in the 1980s as The New Leave It to Beaver.
"Gee Wally. Looks like we're done."
Everyone still chuckles when they hear his name. Oh well.

Now we've gone from patient, understanding parental figures to smart-assed teens, idiot dads and overbearing and all-knowing mothers.

I hate sit-coms any more. Way too stupid.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Say adieu to the surplus fab you carry"
Bullshit. I have a lot of money invested in this gut. I don't want it all to go to waste.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Attention Sci-Fi Nerds

Have you ever wanted to compare relative sizes of spacecraft throughout the past, present and future centuries? Well, here it is.

(Link safe for democrats, republicans, liberals and non-partisans.)

This Day in History

From HistoryChannel.com:
1897 First DWI

Even without Breathalyzers and line tests, George Smith's swerving was enough to alarm British police and make him the first person arrested for drunken driving.
And a precedent was set.
What the hell was he swerving in, a buggy?

Spam Subject of the Day

"And need or ivory dedicated"
Dedicated ivory. From the tusks of dedicated elephants I suppose.

Friday, September 09, 2005

There You Have It

Q: I would like to know why most of the people in hell will be female, according to Hadith.

Praise be to Allah, [blah blah blah] master of the universe and keeper of the holy grail.
IMAM BUKHARI narrated in his SAHEEH, IBN UMAR reported: The Prophet Muhammad (Peace and blessings
[blah blah blah] and suck my ass) said: “O folk of women give charity and increase in seeking forgiveness from Allah , I was shown the Hell-fire and the majority of its dwellers were women”. An intelligent woman asked the Prophet (Peace [blah blah blah] and lick my balls): what is the reason oh Prophet? He replied, “You women are ungrateful to your husbands and you always use cursing words. " [...]
That's it women. You better quit cussing and be more grateful to you husbands or Allah is going to send you straight to hell!

If You're A Democrat, Whatever You Do ...


A Personal Observation (Updated)

In reference to this post. I really don't need any until next week, since I wore gym shoes to work today.
I should get some this weekend though.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Be sign an aback equator"
Baffled. Just baffled.

The World Is Soon To Come To An End

Doomsdayers are coming out of he woodwork:
Katrina fuels global warming storm

OSLO (Reuters) - Hurricane Katrina has spurred debate about global warming worldwide with some environmentalists sniping at President George W. Bush for pulling out of the main U.N. plan for braking climate change.
Global warming is all Bush's fault. Everyone get out the SPF 900. We're fucked.
California Earthquake Could Be the Next Katrina

L.A. Times: U.S. Geological Survey seismologist Lucy Jones remembers attending an emergency training session in August 2001 with the Federal Emergency Management Agency that discussed the three most likely catastrophes to strike the United States.

First on the list was a terrorist attack in New York. Second was a super-strength hurricane hitting New Orleans. Third was a major earthquake on the San Andreas fault.
Shit always happens in threes, right? Well, it's too late now. The first two already happened and we can't change fate. California is fucked.
E.Africa wheat fungus may pose global threat

NAIROBI, Sept 8 (Reuters) - A resilient new strain of wheat fungus from east Africa is threatening to spread to the Middle East, Asia and the Americas and bring catastrophic crop damage, scientists said on Thursday.
It's headed our way. Bush can't stop it. It's all his fault. We're all fucked.

So Full Of Shit

From Seatllepi.com:
Katrina Divides Rather Than Unifies U.S.

WASHINGTON - The extraordinary showing of national and political unity displayed after the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, is nowhere to be found in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

Finger pointing and blame games have replaced the images of stunned Americans rallying aroundPresident Bush and of members of Congress standing on the steps of the Capitol singing "God Bless America."
How soon they forget.
As I recall, there was all sorts of finger pointing and blame games after 9/11. Remember?
"Bush sat there a read a story as the world crashed down around him."
"The biggest difference here," he said, "is we don't have an enemy to focus our anger on."
I'll buy that. People nowdays would rather point fingers and blame someone than even consider it could be their own fault.
Daniel Laufer, who studies the public's response to crises, said the desire to place blame is natural. But it's harder, he says, for people to scapegoat a faceless intangible like Mother Nature as opposed to a real person like Osama bin Laden, mastermind of the Sept. 11 attacks.

"That's a face you can point to, bin Laden," said Laufer, who teaches marketing at the University of Cincinnati. "A hurricane, Mother Nature, the environment, that is not something people want to blame."
In contrast, Bush's approval ratings shot up past 90 percent in the weeks after the terrorist attacks.

After 9/11, "There was a surge in patriotic feeling which had to do with being in a common boat," political psychologist Stanley Renshon says. While Hurricane Katrina horrified everyone, it directly damaged a particular region and not the nation as a whole.
Of course, there's more. But you get the idea.
People are always quick to blame, and the media seems quick to forget, especially when it suits their agenda.

I think the national media's credibility is plummeting just as fast as Bush's ratings.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Now This Pisses Me Off

Click here to take NerdTests.com's Star Trek Quiz.

A Jr. Lieutenant... Not too bad, but not all that great either.

I thought I knew Star Trek better than that!
698. Ptew!

A Personal Observation

I really need to remember to stop and get some black shoe polish.

I Am Humbled

Seems the U.S. is always willing to help other countries in times of need. We all know that. I'm proud that we're able to and that we do it.

What humbles me is the assistance offered by so many other countries. Some who maybe should not really be offering up assistance, due to the fact that they have so little in the first place.
Some who are offering because they have their own agenda, such as removing embargoes or looking for a future debt to collect.

Too bad there are so many politics involved with those sort of deals, but that's the way it goes.

But nevertheless, I appreciate the offerings and I'm sure, we'll be returning the favor, if it isn't already a favor returned by them. As of 9/7/2005, the U.S. has been offered nearly $1 billion in assistance from some 95 countries.

Here's a list I scrounged up to start with. But it is indeed a short list.
  • Afghanistan: pledged $100,000
  • Bangladesh: pledged $1 million and offered to send specialist rescuers
  • Thailand: offered 60 doctors and nurses and a shipment of rice
  • Sri Lanka: a $25,000 donation to the American Red Cross
  • Pakistan: offered doctors and paramedics
  • Honduras: has offered 135 flooding and sanitation experts
  • Peru: has offered to send a medical team of up to 100 members
  • Mexico: a ship loaded with eight all-terrain rescue vehicles, seven amphibious cargo vehicles, a mobile hospital, two rescue helicopters, drinking water, mobile kitchens
  • Cuba: offered 1,100 doctors
  • Venezuela: offered 1 million barrels of gasoline, $5 million in cash and more than 50 tons of canned food and water. (I wonder what that moron Pat Roberts has t say about that?)
  • New Zealand: promised $1.4 million in aid and offered to send urban search and rescue specialists and a victim identification team
  • Australia: promised 10 million Australian dollars
  • Japan: pledged $1 million, tents, blankets, generators and portable water tanks
  • Singapore: sent a fourth military helicopter and 45 airmen
  • Italy: tents and cots and baby food
  • Canada, Belgium, and Norway: have offered diving teams
  • Greece: offered two cruise ships
  • Uruguay: offered two tons of powdered milk
  • Saudi Arabia: says it can increase oil production to cover shortfalls
  • Germany: offered high-speed pumps
  • Holland: offered experts on levee reconstruction
  • India: presented a $5 million check to the American Red Cross
  • China: delivered a planeload of tents and generators
  • Albania: pledged nearly 240,000 euros and offered to send a group of doctors and nurses
  • Kosovo: 400,000 euros
  • New Delhi: offered military medics and water purification equipment
  • Taiwan: offered $2 million
  • South Korea: pledged $30 million, 40 rescue workers and 100 tons of goods - including blankets, diapers, crutches, bunk beds and wheelchairs
  • Britain: started sending some 500,000 military ration packs
  • Russia: an estimated $760,000 worth of humanitarian aid including 121 tents, 4,000 blankets and 10,000 food packages
  • Pakistan: offered doctors and paramedics.
  • Peru: offered to send up to a 100-member medical team
  • United Arab Emirates: tents, clothing, food and other aid
  • Iran, Syria and North Korea offered to help rescue efforts
Of course, the al-Qaida in Iraq called the devastation across the U.S. Gulf Coast region God's retribution on America. And to that, we can pretty much say "Go fuck yourself, you backward, woman hating, cock sucking, camel fucking, towel headed, shit eating sperm burpers. Go blow yourselves to hell."

To every one else, I say "Thank you."

This Day in History - Star Trek, Old Blue Eyes

From HistoryChannel.com:
1966 Star Trek premieres

On this day in 1966, the crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise takes off on its mission to 'boldly go where no man has gone before,' with the premiere of Star Trek.
I still like the original series best. Even though the effects are rather corny by today's standards, it was the innovator.


1935 Sinatra discovered

Frank Sinatra, age 19, sings with a group called The Hoboken Four on the radio talent show Major Bowe's Amateur Hour. The appearance leads to a regular job with the show and many small nightclub performances.

I listen to his stuff and many others of that genre quite a bit.

Speaking Of Tom Cruise

There are a few celebrities heading south to help out hurricane Katrina victims. Celebs like Jamie Foxx, Julia Roberts, John Travolta, and many others are doing benefits and whatnot, to help these refugees (yes, they are seeking refuge, so I'll call them refugees). A pat on the back for them.

Now everyone should know by now how I feel about celebrities. But for whatever reason, be it a photo-op or just that they want to help, some are doing a very good thing.

Oh, by the way. Did you see what Tom Cruise was doing to help?
Neither did I.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Be clean so spacecraft vampire"
Call Tom Cruise! Xenu is sending his minions!

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

I'm Clark Gable

Clark Gable
You scored 40% Tough, 38% Roguish, 23% Friendly, and 0% Charming!

You're a helluva guy and a bit of an enigma. You're a man's man, tough
talking and ready for anything, and you make the ladies swoon with your
rakish ways. You're equally admired by both men and women alike,
drinking other men under the table all the while charming the socks off
half a dozen lovelies. You're a commanding presence, and you know how
to get what - and who - you want when you want it. You're drawn to
women who, like you, are savvy enough to deal with the world on their
own terms. You work well with spitfires. Leading ladies include Joan
Crawford, Myrna Loy, and Jean Harlow. No damsels in distress for you.

Find out what kind of classic dame you'd make by taking the
Classic Dames Test.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 75% on Tough
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 93% on Roguish
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 38% on Friendly
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 0% on Charming
Link: The Classic Leading Man Test written by gidgetgoes on Ok Cupid
0% on 'Charming'?
Oh come on now. I'm the epitome of charming.

A Joke

Dunno why, but this tickled my funny bone:
A priest, a drunk, and a pedophile walk into a bar.
... a few minutes later, a second guy walks in.

Quote of the Day

From Barbara Bush during her Labor Day visit to the Astrodome:
"Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this, this is working very well for them,"
Oh yes. Very much so. They're so much better off now that they have absolutely nothing.
What a cunt.

What Am I Missing Here?

A story from the totally unbiased, totally non-partisan news source (puke) in it's entirety:
ATLANTA - Hundreds of firefighters who volunteered to help rescue victims of Hurricane Katrina have instead been playing cards, taking classes on FEMA's history and lounging at an Atlanta airport hotel for days while they await orders.

"On the news every night you hear (hurricane victims say), `How come everybody forgot us?'" said Joseph Manning, a firefighter from Washington, Pa. "We didn't forget. We're stuck in Atlanta drinking beer."

As of Tuesday, some of the firefighters, like Thomas Blomgren of Battle Creek, Mich., had waited at the hotel for four days. Now he and a colleague have been told they may be sent to a hurricane relief camp in South Carolina to do paperwork rather than help the devastated Gulf Coast.

"FEMA hired the best of the best firefighters, got them together and gave them secretary jobs," Blomgren said.

He and colleague Steven Richardson said they followed FEMA's advice and brought huge packs filled with special firefighting suits, sleeping bags and lifesaving equipment to survive in harsh conditions for as long as a month. "But we'd be better off bringing pencils and cell phones," Blomgren grumbled.

Tony Russell, the Federal Emergency Management Agency official in charge of the firefighters, said he is trying to get them deployed as fast as he can but wants to make certain they are sent where the need is greatest.

When FEMA called for 2,000 firefighters from across the country, it made it clear the mission was one of community service and outreach — not firefighting, Russell said. The firefighters are paid by FEMA for their time.

"People are in need," Russell said. "Sometimes you just need to mop the floor if that's what's best for the victims."

Desk work may be the first priority for some firefighters for now, but the mission's needs could rapidly change, Russell said. Those who are upset, he said, are free to go. "This is not a draft," he said.

Russell said it takes at least two days to process and train the volunteers, who continue to arrive each day in Atlanta for FEMA training. Some 500 firefighters have been sent to needy areas and hundreds more await their marching orders, he said.

In the meantime, the firefighters — some from as far away as Washington state — have received vaccines and specialized training, including classes on sexual harassment, the history of FEMA and how to deal with ethnic groups.

Throughout the hotel, burly firefighters in navy blue shirts loafed on couches Tuesday. A few sat outside in the gentle August breeze, enjoying boxed meals.

Kelly Wayne Sisson, a firefighter from La Mesa, Calif., lounged with a candy bar in hand on the floor of the hotel lobby.

"It's been frustrating because we've been here for a couple of days," he said. "But FEMA's a big machine. We'll get sent out when the time is right."
Now since this story is from the AP, I don't really know how must of a slant they've already thrown in. But is it is in fact true, maybe someone in the know (cough Greg cough) can enlighten as to why these professionals, who have most likely already had years of job training, have to sit through sexual harassment and ethnic training when they could be doing the job they were asked to do?

If these were beginners starting a career, I could understand how they could need some of that shit. But right now, this is an emergency situation. Get their asses ANYWHERE they're needed. You can move them later if you need to. Don't sit around and decide 'where they're needed most', and don't fuck around trying to get them all PC'd* up before they go trying to help people.

I know, I'm another armchair cotastrophe director, but when all we get is a liberal slant on the news, we start to wonder.

*PC'd. You know. Politically Correct'ed!

Gilligan Has Died

"Gilligan's Island" actor Denver dies at age 70

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Bob Denver, who bumbled and stumbled his way to television stardom as goofy castaway Gilligan in the 1960s comedy "Gilligan's Island," has died of complications from cancer, his agent said on Tuesday.
I hated the show, but someone must have liked it. It had a fairly good run.

So, wich one did you like better?



Current results

Spam Subject of the Day

"He swim my trot"
Uh, ok.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Steaming Pile Of Shit Award

Yup. It's time. Time for another installment of the Steaming Pile Of Shit award.

Quoting from :
Appearing on Friday's night's A Concert for Hurricane Relief telethon, simulcast on NBC, MSNBC, CNBC and Pax, the loose cannon hip-hop star ignored the TelePrompTer and riffed that "George Bush doesn't care about black people" in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.
Now I didn't see the show, I heard about it after the fact. In fact, I hate rap. So I had never heard of the idiot before now. But what a moron!
Again, some sort of celebrity talking out their ass.

But wait! There's more!
There was no immediate comment from West, who earned a reputation as a live wire at last November's American Music Awards, when he had a hissy fit after failing to win any trophies ("I was definitely robbed") and threatened to boycott future ceremonies.
Oh, so besides being an idiot, he's a whiney-assed cry-baby who thinks he's better than the rest of the world thinks he is. Well, fuck you Kanye! The world don't owe you shit!

You idiot. You had a good thing going there. You could have used the time to get help for people. But instead, you had to be an asshole and do shit like a typical Bush hating celebrity and bitch about how bad a job he is doing.

Well, for that you get this edition of the Steaming Pile Of Shit award:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Kanye West
You are a Steaming Pile Of Shit.

Now go take your rappin' self and hip-hop the fuck straight to hell.