"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Friday, December 29, 2006

Merry New Year

This week sucked. Is still sucking, and will continue to suck for probably another week or so. No need to go into details, but suffice it to say I have been busier than a one-legged Riverdancer at work. This will most likely be my last post until ... maybe the weekend, maybe even next year.

So in case I don't get the chance to post anything else today, I have the following (mostly unattainable) hopes for the new year:
  • I hope for Saddam's neck to not immediately snap so that he dangles and twitches like Michael Hutchence on a 'date'
  • I hope I don't piss too many more people off when they come to read my blog. After all, this is a friendly little place and all are welcome to visit, comment, and even disagree.
  • I hope I make it past nine o'clock on New Years eve, so I can finish watching the movie I started watching at 8.
  • I hope the neighbors move away and are replaced with some better ones, because - really. You people are fucking losers.


  • And most of all, I hope for all the best for my visitors/readers in the coming year:



Fun With GIMP



My caption: "Hey'a Saddam. Got something for ya'"

Care to add to the list?

Spam Subject Of The Day

"drawba = beclou"
Well, thank you. I did not know that.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Helpful Hint

Item #7256 to NOT do while being arrested:
Man keeps drinking beer during arrest

Wed Dec 27, 8:28 PM ET

MANCHESTER, N.H. - Police say a man they pulled over for driving drunk continued to swig his beer during his arrest. Patrick Allain, 35, faces numerous charges after his arrest Monday night, the fourth time he's been arrested for driving while intoxicated. Police say he hit two other cars and initially refused to stop when officers tried to pull him over.
[...]
Oh, and if by chance you ever end up in jail, try to hold your bowels in check:
Flatulence allegedly sparks jail fight

Wed Dec 27, 5:34 PM ET

NORTH PLATTE, Neb. - Brian Bruggeman caused a stink at the Lincoln County Jail earlier this month and will now have to answer for it in court. Another inmate, Jesse Dorris, alleges that Bruggeman's flatulence, passed in close proximity to Dorris, sparked a Dec. 14 fight between the two at the jail.
[...]
It's just a damn good thing he didn't light up a smoke near the guy. Can't have him polluting the atmosphere.

Ahhh, But They're So Cuuuuuuute

School district to review decision banning book about gay penguins

CourtTV - Thu Dec 21, 5:16 PM ET

A North Carolina school district says it will review its decision to ban a children's book about a pair of gay penguins raising a chick.
[...]
What's the big deal? As long as they don't get married...

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Rickenbacker Tasupi Lorna Ciello serving Drouet"
Okay. Got it.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Reason #2 (Get It?) Why You Shouldn't Fart In The Jacuzzi


Just click this link.


I'm thinking it may take a while to live that one down.

Quote Of The Day

No link, I heard it on the radio:
James Brown's last words: "I don't feel so good."
BWAH!

Now That's Funny

In Hollywood, two companies battle over inflatable airheads
Airheads. BWAH! Hollywood is full of them.

That's all you get. Just the headline.
Go ahead and read the story if you want, but it makes me giggle in that I'm thinking they're just fighting over regular Hollywood airheads such as Tom Cruise, Mike Farrell, Jane Fonda and George Clooney.

Well, No Shit

Some Iraqis fear Saddam execution would fuel violence

By Mussab Al-Khairalla Wed Dec 27, 5:23 AM ET

BAGHDAD (Reuters) - Many Iraqis said on Wednesday they would welcome a swift execution of Saddam Hussein but others expressed fears that carrying out the death sentence now would further fuel sectarian violence.
[...]
Like it takes anything to fuel violence for these morons.
A good fart aimed in their general direction gets 40 people killed.

Thing is, it would be Iraqis doing the hanging. Not the U.S.

But if I have anything to say about it, it would be just one thing: Thirteen loops, then place it just behind the left ear.

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Of profligate in miscible"
Oh, Got out the dictionary for that one, eh?

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Fuck You Asshole Media

Anything to sell a story, right?
Military deaths in Iraq exceed 9/11 toll

AP - 1 hour, 14 minutes ago

NEW YORK - In a span of a few hours, 2,973 people were killed in the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. In a span of 45 months, the number of American troops killed in Iraq exceeded that grim toll as the war continues.
[...]
Let's put this into perspective, shall we?

Let's say the media reported on California stats with the same gusto they reported stats for Iraq:
Day 1 Headlines: 15 MURDERS OVER THE WEEKEND

Day 2 Headlines: 360 ASSAULTS YESTERDAY IN CALIFORNIA; 6 MORE MURDERS

Day 3 Headlines: OVER 16,000 VIOLENT ASSAULTS AND ROBBERIES IN NOVEMBER; NO END IN SIGHT

Day 4 Headlines: RAPES REPORTED IN CALIFORNIA FOR OCTOBER UPDATED TO OVER 800

Day 5 Headlines: ANOTHER $600 MILLION SPENT LAST MONTH TO HOUSE CALIFORNIA CRIMINALS

Day 6 Headlines: FOR 30th MONTH IN A ROW, OVER 330 CALIFORNIANS KILLED ON HIGHWAYS

Day 7 Special Report: CALIFORNIA HAS HIGHER INMATE POPULATION THAN GERMANY, FRANCE, THE NETHERLANDS, AND SINGAPORE COMBINED.
And don't give me that liberal bullshit about Bush and his illegal war. The war ain't illegal, Bush wasn't coerced, and the troops aren't over there against their will.
The media would have you believe that though.


Hat tip to Roger Schlong.

Merry Christmas Saddam!

Iraq court says Saddam should hang in 30 days
By Mariam Karouny 44 minutes ago

BAGHDAD (Reuters) - An Iraqi appeals court on Tuesday upheld
Saddam Hussein's death sentence for crimes against humanity and said he should hang within 30 days.
[...]
Good. Get rid of the asshole. Martyr or not.


Allah be praised.

Ahhhhhh.....

Well, I hope you all had a nice Christmas. We sure did.
Plenty of family and friends. And I thank all (3 or 4) of you loyal readers for the well wishes.

Now kick back a relax a little.

Spam Subject Of The Day

Today, it's not the 'subject', but the 'from:
"From: Fifth Third Bank"
Oh yeah. I'm sure it's some subsidary of the First National Fifth Third Bank Second of the Sixth Number Three Fourths.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Merry Christmas - Final Installment Of A Christmas Related Series For 2006

Since I probably won't post much this weekend, and since a bunch of you will be heading off to relatives or friends homes for the holiday, I'll take this opportunity to wish you all a Merry Friggin' Christmas.








You'll have to come back to get your Happy New Year wish though.

Quote Of The Day

Referring to 6 wicked things about himself, Murp! said:
"6b. When I see someone with really thick glasses, I always try and get them to look at the sun."
BWAH!

Cat Fight!

The Donald and Rosie escalate their feud


Thu Dec 21, 5:23 PM ET

NEW YORK - Things got even uglier Thursday in the bitter war of words between Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell. The Donald called the Los Angeles-based morning show "Good Day L.A." to sound off on O'Donnell's remarks about his near-firing of Miss USA Tara Conner.
[...]


"Your news conference with Conner, whose title was in jeopardy because of underage drinking, annoyed me on a multitude of levels!".



"I think you're very attracted to Miss USA and want to put the crown on her head yourself."



"You're one of those, you know, snake oil salesmen in 'Little House on the Prairie.'"



"You are a very, very unattractive woman who really is a bully."
"Ultimately, you are a loser, and ultimately ("The View") will fail because of YOU!"


"Can't we just get along. I love you!"
"I love you too."


Okay, so I made that last part up, but oh well.

Would You Grill This For Me

Patrons toss dead cat through drive-thru

AP - Thu Dec 21, 10:26 PM ET

CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa - An employee working the drive-through window at a McDonald's will have a tale to tell. When the worker went to the open window thinking the car pulling up had already ordered, the people in the car threw a dead cat through the window, police said.
[...]
For some reason, this reminded me of Mark. Maybe we can get him to tell the story...

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Still upset"
As am I.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Another Rocket Surgeon

This has to be the stupidest sunuvabitch I've ever seen:

A Funny

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
  • Indubitably
  • Innovative
  • Preliminary
  • Proliferation
  • Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
  • Specificity
  • British Constitution
  • Passive-aggressive disorder
  • Loquacious
  • Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

  • Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
  • Nope, no more booze for me.
  • Sorry, but you're not really my type.
  • Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight.
  • Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
  • Sorry I'm being such a jackass.





Merry Christmas - Installment #6 Of A Christmas Related Series For 2006



He'll be sliding down the chimney soon. Got your presents bought, your money spent, and your cookies made?

If not, you had best get busy. There ain't a lot of time left.

I'll Take My Chances

How Maggots Nurse Wounds
"It's got global appeal. It's ludicrously cost-effective and low-tech,"
I don't care how well they work or how cost-effective they are. If I get an infection, you can either treat me with some of that new-fangled antibiotic, or you can let the affected part of my body rot right the hell off.

From The 'Duh!' Files - Again

Study: Teens use medicines to get high

WASHINGTON - Teens increasingly are getting high with legal drugs like painkillers and mood stimulants, and they're turning to cough syrup as well, says a government survey released Thursday.
[...]
Sorry folks, this has been going on for - well, since I was in high school. No doubt since way before then.

And they wasted time and money on yet another study?

[cough cough] Bullshit [cough cough]

French soldiers had bin Laden in the crosshairs: documentary

PARIS (AFP) - French soldiers in Afghanistan had Al-Qaeda chief Osama bin Laden in their crosshairs -- twice -- but did not receive the order from their US commander to open fire, a French documentary reported.
[...]
Has that fat fucking piece of shit Michael Moore-on been over there making films?
That would be the only logical explanation for such a fabricated story.

Come on now. We can't really be expected to believe the surrender monkeys (A) got that close, and (B) didn't pull the trigger.

I am just unable to accept it.

Quote Of The Day

From LittleOrangeFox:

Rare White Dolphin Declared As Extinct Jesse Jackson: "Whitey had it coming to him."
Damn. Some of you bloggers just crack me the fuck up.

Ode To Toll House

As I stare at thee, the last refuge from the gas fired hell that is the oven, I take pause as I contemplate thy brief existence.

The warm chocolate juices that flow from thine own insides, covering my flesh and coating mine own passage as I consume thee, the last morsel of existence before I devour thee.

Thine existence was but a flicker in time, the passage of thy richness into my bosom giving warmth within mine own soul and comfort to my senses.

Alas. Be still, and be remembered.

Spam Subject Of The Day

"I figural he valine"
Yeah, I figuraled that too.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

On A Lighter Note

This made me laugh out loud. Tickled my funny bone, it did:




Ain't love grand? Although, I can't imagine that scenario for that sort of car.

A Funny

Via email:
Apple Computer reported today that it has developed computer chips that can store and play music from inside a woman's breasts.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts but not listening to them.



You Dick!

So I was checking in on Lee to see if he had made any progress posting his pictures, when he blindsided me with a video.

Well, all it did was made me think of this video instead:

Go ahead. Play it. I dare you.

Totally safe for work.
Totally safe for sanity is whole nuther critter.

Spam Subject Of The Day

" Is yucca of usurious"
It is?

Friday, December 15, 2006

Miss Me, Wontcha?

I will be out of touch for a few days. Sorry.
But I will talk at you all later!

Quote Of The Day

If, by chance, I would have had a mouthful of soda pop at the time, it definitely would have sprayed on my monitor, and posssibly dribbled out my nose.

In this post, shoes is talking about how Jeffrey Dahmer all of a sudden found God, as do most death row residents who are about to meet Him in person, as He points them toward the escalator traveling to the lower levels:
"roy radcliffe* said he never saw anyone so anxious to take communion......something about the body of christ is my guess."
Good gawdamighty shoes. That was a good chuckle there.



* Roy Ratcliff, is the Church of Christ minister who baptized Dahmer in prison.

Exploring Mars

Mark went and posted this funny:



Since I can't comment on his blogger wannabe, here is another one I would have told him to check out:

Photo Meme

I moved this back to the top, because although the response has been somewhat good, it's NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!

Come on now people, we're not asking for nude shots here, just a picture to associate with a personality! Now get on it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We've all seen the 'meme' things floating around emails and blogs.

No, I don't know what "meme" means/is/stands for, nor do I care. I figgered it was a handle some 'blogger' in the 'blogosphere' had gone and dreamed up. Whatever.

You know what I'm talking about. "Name 5 things about" you, your dog, your past, your sex life, your dog's sex life, your past sex life with your dog, ... Or maybe it's about where you grew up, what jobs you had, how boks you've read, movies you've watched, blah blah blah, the list goes on.

Did I digress a little there? Sorry. Anyway,

Mark has up and thrown down the gauntlet. For some reason, he wants to associate a face with a blog personality. Since he did it, he now thinks we all need to do it.

Well now, I ain't skeered to show my mug. Not really. Skeered that is.
I was thinking - being the gentleman that I am - I would accept the challenge.

I am however, a little leery about being outed - as it were - just because it is a verboten thing at my job. I don't really give a shit if the rest of the world knows what I look like. They might, but I don't. In fact, I even used to have a picture of myself in my profile.

So I'll go ahead and post a picture. Not a very recent picture as it sits, but if one were to say, click on the picture, one could see a recent picture.
In fact, one would see a picture takn while waiting to go to dinner with some friends of ours on the boat.




Yes, that is 'the real me', and Mrs Curmudgeon, who I am quite sure - after reading some of my posts - wishes to remain anonymous.

Oh, and by the way, the bottle in the picture is a Miller Lite. True, there was no MGD. But it wasn't a Bud bottle. The trick photography made the bottle pink.
Damn! I thought the shithead knew his beers better than that! I guess that's another lesson I'll have to teach him the next time he's up my way.


So then. Like Mark said:
I want to see your smiling faces. Here’s the deal: I’ll post a recent picture of myself and ask that those of you on my blogroll (and I’m sorry if it’s not 100% up to date) post one too. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a face to match the wit?

One rule: It must be a recent photo. Like within the past year because posting a flattering picture of what you looked like 20 years ago is cheating.

Hell, all of us where either musclebound or had perky tits 20 years ago.

One exception: If you are blogging incognito for some reason then I certainly respect your privacy.
There it is. If you've gotten this far, the challenge is to post a picture of yourself on your blog, or at least link to one so we - or at least I, can associate the face with the blog.
You don't have to come completely out and give a name or any other personal shit. But I'm with Mark here. I do like to picture the personality on the other end of the line.

Babysitting 101

Here's one way to tame that problem child:


You could also use duct tape for your video game.

Do-It-Yourself Repair

Nintendo to replace 3.2M Wii straps

By HANS GREIMEL 25 minutes ago

TOKYO - Nintendo said Friday it will replace 3.2 million straps for its popular Wii computer game controllers after receiving a rash of reports that the device flew out of the hands of players.
[...]

The Wii's signature wand-like remote controller is used to mimic the motions of a tennis racket, golf club or sword, depending on the game. But soon after the Wii went on sale last month, people started reporting cases of the controller's strap breaking as they waved it about vigorously.
[...]
I have a solution for you lame-ass gamers; Super Glue.

A little bit goes a long way.

Bummer

Fla. to investigate 34-minute execution

By RON WORD, Associated Press Writer Fri Dec 15, 3:41 AM ET

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. - Defense attorneys and death penalty opponents were outraged Thursday over an execution in which the condemned man took more than half an hour to die, needed a rare second dose of lethal chemicals, and appeared to grimace in his final moments.
[...]
Yeah, sorta like his victim.

I don't feel the least bit sorry for the fucker. Too bad they didn't just slash a vein in his wrist and let him watch himself bleed out.

WOOHOO!

Castro near death: Negroponte

Fri Dec 15, 2:09 AM ET

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Cuban President Fidel Castro is very ill and close to death, U.S. Intelligence chief John Negroponte said in an interview published on Friday.

"Everything we see indicates it will not be much longer ... months, not years," Negroponte told The Washington Post.
[...]
Anybody want to start a pool?

Okay then, I will. I say by the 4th of July. We'll have a little extra something to celebrate; our independence and Cuba's.

We can all smoke a Cuban cigar for the occasion.

Spam Subject Of The Day

Today you get the sender name:
"tyetugttttttttt ttttttttttttttttttttttttttt"
Sensible name there your mama named you.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

I Can't Help It. This Entertains Me

Click on the box of bones, then click somewhere above Spot to make him earn his bone
-or-
Click on 'More' and make him chase the ball





adopt your own virtual pet!

Referrals, Stats, Other Useless Information

I'm sure your're all wondering what brings people to my blog.

Is it the information? Is it the wit and humor? Is it all of the intelligent writ... BWAH! I couldn't even finish that sentence with a straight face.

Well, maybe once in a while. But one of the biggest reasons people come to my blog (according to search hits) follows.

Be warned, even though it is quite safe for work, you may not have the stomach for it:
[+/-] show/hide the answer


Originally posted here.


Now you know.

Why liberals loathe Christmas

I read an article in my old home-town newspaper last night that put the liberal perspective on Christmas so eloquently that I just had to post it.

So here is the article in its entirety. Do yourself a favor and read it, pass it along, etc.:
Why liberals loathe Christmas

By KATHARINE DEBRECHT

I came across a bumper sticker the other day while Christmas shopping that proudly proclaimed “Jesus was a liberal”. Of course, this gave me great pause. If Jesus was a liberal, you might as well forget Joseph. Jesus would have had two mommies. He certainly would not have advocated teaching a man to fish to eat for life, rather to give a man a fish each day because the man would never amount to anything anyway. According to liberals, Mary should have had the right to choose.

Why would liberals invoke the name of Jesus when they strive to take every reference to God, the Son and Holy Spirit out of the public eye, especially at Christmastime? Why seek to squelch, via the ACLU among others, one of the most significant Christian traditions in America, Christmas, and yet proclaim liberals are pro-values?

The answer lies, as always with the far left, in politics. Secular liberals abhor Christianity, and its biggest holiday which is on display for more than two months, precisely because it reminds them of what they are not – pro-values, pro-morals. They realize that 95 percent of Americans celebrate Christmas and that 90 percent recognize it as the birth of Jesus Christ, yet that pesky moral code that comes with Christmas and Christianity interferes with their liberal agenda.

Christmas represents a religion with a moral code. There are no exceptions for the “if it feels good, do it” liberal crowd. Self-absorption and instant gratification have no room when one centers his/her life around God, and not self. Nor does it give exception for the excuse that Hollywood continually pushes that “everyone is doing it, so it must be OK and normal” (i.e. adultery, out-of-wedlock births, promiscuity, etc). No one committing immoral behavior wants to be reminded that they are doing just that. Instead they seek to belittle the religion that requires a moral code, and elevate their own self-engineered code. How dare anyone define my morality, I define it the way I want to.

That pesky moral code also makes its way into other major tenets of liberal philosophy. Conservative Christians look to a higher authority, while liberals bow to government authority. According to Christians, with God all things are possible, but according to liberals, with bureaucrats all things are possible.

Instead of advocating accountability and self-responsibility, liberals decry these very things inherent to human dignity as mean-spirited. The free lunch trumps free will.

Christians are also pro-life and adamantly against abortion, the battle cry of the left. While Christians view life as sacred and a gift from God, liberals believe it inconvenient when they are too busy to take care of it, and convenient when they want to experiment with it in a petri dish. That pesky commandment Thou Shall Not Kill so embitters them, they rush to rid any public display of it and the other nine commandments.

Christmas trees, or “Holiday trees” as the PC left are now demanding everyone call them, do not offend liberals near as much as the nativity scene. The first Holy Family goes against everything the left is pushing these days, especially gay marriage.

Whereas the traditional family, consisting of the irreplaceable mother and father, is sacred among Christians, it is deemed unnecessary and trivial by the far left. Today’s liberal feminists deplore the role of men and fathers; Hollywood promotes marriage as nothing more than an annoying piece of paper and fathers as bumbling idiots.

Liberals can’t have it both ways. They can’t say that they possess Christian values, while voting for candidates who support same sex marriage and abortion. Straight and simple:

•God is for life: Liberals are for the culture of death through euthanasia and abortion.

•God is for marriage between one man and one woman: Liberals are for same sex marriage.

•God is for faith, liberty, and values: Liberals are for government control and handouts.

•God wants us to put Him first: Liberals are for putting themselves first.

•God sent his son, Jesus Christ, to earth wrapped in human flesh and we celebrate this on Christmas: Liberals don’t want to admit that there is a God because if it were true that God does exist, they would have to change their lives and this would be highly disruptive to the way they want to live.

It is no wonder the far left in this country single out Christians, especially evangelicals, as a group to be reckoned with. Not only because of their strength as a powerful voting bloc, but because their mere adherence to a moral code leaves the left uncomfortable with their own moral shortcomings. They are not offended by Christianity and its moral code, they are exposed by it. Christmas just reinforces this.


Katharine DeBrecht is an author of conservative children’s books and a mother of three.
Sure, Christmas has become way to commercialized and a lot of people don't even remember or at least pay heed to the reason it comes around every year.

But to try and ban the word 'Christmas', a nativity scene, or make the time of year so generic anyone is afraid to actually impart some Christmas cheer on someone else, really pisses me off.

So I vote you keep it up. Wish people a Merry Christmas. Throw in a Happy Hanukkah if you wish. Maybe even a Praise Allah if you're so inclined. Just don't forbid me from doing the same.


Spam Subject Of The Day

"Oyster Perpetual Datejust"
No clue whatsoever.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Merry Christmas - Installment #5 Of A Christmas Related Series For 2006

Scary

Lawmaker aims to allow the blind to hunt

Reuters - Tue Dec 12, 10:40 AM ET

AUSTIN, Texas (Reuters) - A Texas lawmaker is aiming to allow the blind to hunt. Texas State Representative Edmund Kuempel has introduced a measure that would allow blind people to hunt any game that sighted people can currently pursue.
[...]
Just what we need. There are enough hunters out there now who don't always verify their target without adding this to the mix.

Oh, I'm sure the spotters will do their job just fine, but it's still a scary thought.

I guess they couldn't do any worse than Cheney.

Idiots

Search resumes for climbers on Mt. Hood

AP - 16 minutes ago

COOPER SPUR, Ore. - Cold rain lashed the base of Mount Hood on Wednesday as search parties headed back up the treacherous slopes to look for three climbers missing since the weekend.
[...]
Serves them right I say.
What's the big deal about climbing to the top of some mountain anyway? It ain't like it's been done before. You're not doing anything new.

Get a life and quit wasting the taxpayer's money and risking the lives of the rescuers sent up there to drag your dumb ass off the mountain after you go and fuck up your hike.

Just How G.D. Stupid...

Oh forget it:
Man calls 911 to report stolen drugs

AP - Tue Dec 12, 4:21 PM ET Sent 279 times

WICHITA, Kan. - A Wichita man called 911 to report he was the victim of an armed robbery. The theft? A pound of marijuana worth about $1,100 that he had been trying to sell at his home.
[...]
Whatta maroon.
They say drugs will do that to you.

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Password"
Oh sure. Here ya' go:
gofuckyourself
Hope that helps.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Fucking Free Shit -or- I Don't Want To Be Assimilated

Okay, so evidently blogger is making everyone switch to the 'new' blogger. The one that replaces beta. Since you folks that have been assimilated switched to beta blogger are now on the new blogger automatically, bully for you.

And since blogger has been promoted to a release version instead of beta, I figgered what the hell. I may as well make the switch.

Weeeeelllll, I was fucking wrong. Evidently, if you're blog has too many posts and comments, you can't make the switch.

Since I'm not using the beta, and since I can't convert, I can't comment on your blogs. So don't think I'm stuck up. I can't. It won't let me.

Fucking free shit.


Update: I guess I'm not the only one having issues. Susan is too:
Blogger used to be my friend. Now it is more like the semi-dysfunctional co-worker you tolerate because they bring in brownies occasionally. And not only does it stop my commenting on certain blogs, but it will not allow me to switch my blog to the new Beta Blogger thingee. Stupid Blogger.
Hear here!

WTF?

So at first I enjoyed reading and even recommended Kirsten's blog. She had some very entertaining stories. Maybe a bit far-fetched on some occasions, but still read-worthy.

But the more she posts, the more she seems to be veering further and further toward bullshit lefty liberal rhetoric. Although well traveled and intelligent, I don't believe she has ever lived in America or studied the culture that thoroughly. She apparently hasn't been reading a very balanced selection of literature, but rather more the type you would expect to be written by religious extremists such as Osama or crazed murderes like Saddam.

And now that she has gone through the assimilation beta conversion, I can't post a comment on her most recent blog post, so the reply I tried to post follows the complete text I copied from her post:
Politic or religion. . .

In the western world you have many religions. Inside all these religions you have sects.

Like:

~ The Latter day’s Saints
~ The Mormons
~ Jehovah’s Witness
~ The Salvation Army

And more . . .

In Islam you have the same. . .

You have:

~ The Sunni Muslim
~ The Shija Muslim
~ The Sufi Muslim

And more . . .

Wherever you are on earth, you have something good and something bad, good people and bad people, honest people and dishonest people, respectable people and disrespectable people, educated people and uneducated people, rich people and poor people. Even in democratic countries.

In the western world, you do not criticize the government for the religious rules of the different sects.
The government does not interfere in the way the Mormons dress or that Jehovah’s Witness knock at your door or that people “talk in tongues” or have sex-orgies or enforce you to pay tithe, they do not even interfere when satanic organizations have human offerings.

Why is it that the western world blame the government of Islamic countries for what is going on in Islamic sects?
Female circumcision, arranged marriages, murder of honor, etc. etc. is not rules from the government. It is religious rules of some sects of Islam, not by Islam itself.

The government tries to explain for the people, the problems coming with the custom of these sects. But even the doctors try to encourage the people to continue, because they need the money they get to destroy (circumcise) the girls.
Arranged marriage is not always a bad idea. I know young women who want their parents to choose a husband for them. Even myself as youth in Norway, I asked my parents for help me to find a suitable husband. They were not allowed to do that, by law. Not even when I wanted help. . . Is the one more correct than the other??
Although, also in Europe you have the antroposophic sect who are 100% into arranged (read forced) marriages. If you don’t accept the partner the sects authority wish you to marry, because you already are married or have a fiancé, they make problems between you and your present partner until it dissolves itself and then you get brainwashed to marry the one they have chosen.
In Scandinavia, almost all people baptize their children, but they never go to church or pray or even believe in God . . . But, they baptize their children because it is a custom.
It is not long ago you could not get a passport without showing your paper of baptizing, or even get marry unless you were baptized. Right after the last W.W. you even had to show you paper of baptizing when you should start school.
It was not even custom, it was by law ! ! !

When people in Islamic countries tell stories from their awful life and what they have gone through or are in danger of going through, it is usually stories from rural villages, secular sects of Islam and the custom of that particular sect . . . It is seldom a governmental law of the country as a whole.
As we also have read about sects in USA where a whole city (Johns-town per example) was forced to commit suicide because of a sect-leader who maybe got tired of being a leader. No-one ever blamed the president of USA for the mass-murder of those people.

Why do you blame the leaders of Islamic countries for what is out of their hand to control?
Although things has changed in the western world when it comes to rules and regulation . . . Don’t you think things are changing in Islamic countries too as they get more medical information, as the country itself get modernized, as TV and international information channels comes through to the people more easy than before???

Here in Egypt, you can dress as you like. With or without hijab, but I have been in the situation that when I asked for job at a place, I was told: “This is a democratic company, so here the employees are not allowed to use hijab.”
That is the glory of democracy ! ! !


One more thing . . . All the time, I meet people from western countries who always claim to know Islam and the Holy Quran better than the Muslim themselves.
I know that everything is not perfect. . . . But it is not perfect any other place neither.

In California they have human zoo, human Museums, where humans who are kidnapped are hold in cages. They have cinemas where they show snuff-films. Meaning that they show sadistic films where the girl/woman get mutilated tortured and killed in front of the viewers eyes, and it is not film-trick . . . it is real. ( One have to be member of a special club or organisation to be allowed to enter these places.)

How can the president accept that these things happen without doing anything?? Why is he not taken in responsibility for these films?

The rule is: “So long as you make it as entertainment, everything is legal.”

No one gets punished, no one have the responsibility, no one care. . .
On the other hand, they can put children all down to 8 years in jail because he accidental stepped on new-lain asphalt and made a foot-print, and even at an age of 4 one can get reported to the police for unaesthetic behavior, because the child gave the teacher a hug.

This would never have happened in a Muslim country.

Every now and then we read about innocent people who have been judge by death-sentence in USA, but since one already have got the punishment, the real criminal goes free. Who take the responsibility for those people who died in vane by lethal injection??? No-one, because it was done in the name of democracy . . .

Please. . . Get a grip . . . Control yourself . . . Clean in front of your own door . . .

Kirsten,
How long did you live in America to form such opinions? Or are you using the same assumptions crazy killers living in the middle east have been using for years?

If the latter is the case, you are sorely misled, as are they.
"How can the president accept that these things happen without doing anything?? Why is he not taken in responsibility for these films?"

To say something like that is just totally ridiculous. For some reason, people in eastern cultures think the president has a lot more power than he really does. He is a figurehead, not a dictator. He cannot act or make a decision without going through congress, the senate, the House of Representatives, ... all the governing bodies.

But nevertheless, if those types of places weren't hidden, if they were more public and were able to be entered or raided by law enforcement without going through all the bullshit hoops over-zealous liberals like the American Civil Liberties Union have inflicted upon 'normal' people like "Just cause", and "reasonable search", they would not be there.

There is an underworld in America, very many facets. But goody-two-shoes liberals in this country have made it so criminals have more rights and are better protected than citizens. We can't treat those prisoners unfairly now, can we?

Liberals would have us form a society where "You can't do that because it offends me" is the norm rather than the custom. There are many innocent people in jail because someone was accused - whether found guilty or not. Children here learn early on that if they get a little pissed at their parents, they can claim molestation and daddy will be locked up in a heartbeat, and mommy will be removed from the scenario.

But I'll take the freedoms we have here over any of the religiously oppressive, money hoarding governments I have read about 'over there'.

Quote Of The Day

From the comments over here:
"I learned to love in San Francisco, so drop your drawers and pass the Crisco"
BWAH!
Gave me a chuckle it did.

EUREKA!

I have a solution for the stem cell problem.

Seems to me there's an rather unlimited supply over in India:
NEW DELHI (Reuters) - Seven thousand fewer girls are born in India each day than the global average would suggest, largely because female fetuses are aborted after sex determination tests, the United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF) said on Tuesday.
[...]
Don't go throwing them newborns/unborns away. There are pieces-parts we could be using for testing and research, no?

So, What Do You Get For The Geek Who Has Everything?

Why, a Desktop Missile Launcher of course:



Specially made for that passive-aggressive cube dweller on your Christmas list, it comes with a USB interface and controller software.

Spam Subject Of The Day

"landslide and cancelling"
Whatever.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Shitty Filler Post

Okay, so as posting goes, today sucks ass dunnit?

I'm so very, terribly sorry, but that's the way it is. Some days are better than others.

So I guess I'll have to do a re-post from last year:


Christmas Songs For The Mentally Ill

SCHIZOPHRENIA
Do you Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER
We Three Queens Disoriented Are

DEMENTIA
I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas

NARCISSISTIC
Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

MANIC
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and.....

PARANOID
Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER
You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell you Why.

DEPRESSION
Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely.

OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock ........
....(better start again)

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY
On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away).

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER
Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.



With that, I'm done for the day. Here's to a better tomorrow.



Spam Subject Of The Day

"Become pretty again"
Pretty?

Friday, December 08, 2006

I, I, I Just Don't Know

Someone please. Put a gun to her head.

Merry Christmas - Installment #4 Of A Christmas Related Series For 2006

Last year around this time I was also posting some other Christmas stuff.
Here is the archived entry of a poem I posted, which I originally wrote roughly 25 years ago while bored in high school history class, oddly about this same time of year.
The cadence may be somewhat familiar:

'Twas the night before Christmas

and all through the house,

the whole damn family

was drunk as a louse.


The stockings were hung

by the chimney with care,

with hopes that the 'Bud Man'

soon would be there.


I in my scivvies

and she in her drawers

were casually lying,

in drool on the floor


When out in the drive

there arose such a fuss

I got up with a bound

and started to cuss!


I shout "WHAT THE HELL!?"

at the top of my lungs

then up from the floor

almost everyone sprung.


A thud on the porch,

a pound on the door

a voice "OPEN UP!!"

"AND I'LL BRING IN SOME MORE!!"


When what to my bloodshot

eyes should appear,

ten, make it twenty

full cases of beer!


We let him on in

he sat down with a thud

then reached for the stack

and said "Hand me a Bud"


He said "Man it is cold,

and the roads are like shit,

after this year

I'm going to quit!"


We told him how everyone

liked having him so,

and we knew it was rough

driving in all of this snow.


But we'd miss him so badly

if he didn't come,

and they'd prob'ly replace him

with some useless bum.


A tear started to form

in his tired bloodshot eyes,

and he rose from his chair

(after five or six tries).


He said "Merry Christmas"

"I'll see you next year!"

Then he jumped in his truck

and he ground it in gear.


Then off through the night

in his Bud truck he went,

and I thought to myself

he didn't charge us a cent!


So next time you see

that big truck in the night,

wish him 'Merry Christmas',

and 'a wonderful night'!







Cross-posted here too.
Oh my goodness. Is she ever going to regret this...

Spam Subject Of The Day

"準備好要開創你人生的高峰期了嗎?"
Yeah. Rotsa Ruck tlying to serr me something using that ranguage.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Just Remember - All You Pervs

THIS is more than likely the 'eighteen year-old girl' you've been wanking to while chatting on your MySpace account:


Pot; Meet Kettle

Wayans Drops N-Bomb, Faces Fallout

Posted Dec 6th 2006 12:20PM by TMZ Staff

Damon Wayans became the first famous offender of the Laugh Factory's ban on the use of the n-word, and was fined and banned from the club for three months as a result, Wayans' publicist tells TMZ.
[...]
After Kramer's 'little' episode, the Laugh Factory says they don't want to hear that shit no more whether you're white or black.

Ah, the old racism double-standard. Evidently, it's only a no-no, or a racial slur even, when a non-black person calls a black person an en-eye-double-guh-er.

I'm getting sorta sick of the shit. It's a term of endearment when you're black and call yourself or your friends one, but you sue Richards when he does it.
Yeah, yeah. I know. It is - or rather was - the context. But don't tell me it's proper for a black person to use the word and not for everyone else to. That's bullshit.

I've seen plenty of people who are plenty entertaining without having to utilize the fabled 'n' word in their routine. Maybe Wayans and his ilk are just not talented enough to come up with other adjective. I dunno. But why they're so determined to perpetuate it's usage and not expect it from anyone else is beyond me.

My Brief Conversation With Vice President Dick Cheney

Curmudgeon: So Dick; can I call you "Dick"?

Cheney: Well, I...

Curmudgeon: So Dick, I hear your daughter's knocked up.

Cheney: Yes, she is.

Curmudgeon: What's the deal? She's a lesbo lesbian, right?

Cheney: That is correct.

Curmudgeon: Well, I thought you were all, conservative like. Anti-gay and all that.

Cheney: I support my daughter in her decisions...

Curmudgeon: Yeah, but how can you so calmly accept this new 'developement'?

Cheney: Like I said, even though I'm still quite conservative, I support my daughter and her decisions...

Curmudgeon: Okay, that's cool I guess. Man, I would love to hear some of the conversations you have at your family dinner table...

Cheney: Fuck it. I'm going hunting.

Spam Subject Of The Day

"A saucepan an obviate"
Well, that pretty much sums it up.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Merry Christmas - Installment #3 Of A Christmas Related Series For 2006




Now go have some fun telling Santa what to do.

Start with 'get a beer', 'take a piss', 'fix the tree', whatever you can think of.

Why Not?

I ain't inspired enough to come up with anything interesting, witty, or useful right now. Not like that's stopped me before, but anyway, I've seen this floating around a few different places.


Read it or skip it. Either way, it's your loss:

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
Yup. Couple times.

02. Swam with wild dolphins
Well, I've swam in the ocean, dolphins swim in the ocean, so there you have it.

03. Climbed a mountain
Good gawd. More times than I can count.

04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
Not unless that cop car was a Ferrari.

05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
Not 'The' great pyramid, but a Mayan pyramid in Chichen Itza.

06. Held a tarantula
Nope. Never test drove a dolphin or swam with a Ferrari either.

07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
;)

08. Said “I love you” and meant it
Every time they hand me the six-pack.

09. Hugged a tree
Does carrying an armload of firewood count?

10. Bungee jumped
Stupid fuckers.

11. Visited Paris
Never left the Americas.

12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
I'm a fair weather sailor.

13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
Now THAT was a hangover.

14. Seen the Northern Lights
Not that day.

15. Gone to a huge sports game
Huge? Like Super Bowl or World Series?
I have better seats in my living room that most of the money wasting shmucks going to those games.

16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
Like I said, never left the Americas.

17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
I don't know that I would consider that green stuff in the fridge a vegetable.

18. Touched an iceberg
A small one. In my scotch glass.

19. Slept under the stars
There are a couple stars I would like to sleep under: Debra Winger, Dana Delaney, and another one who I can't of her name right now.

20. Changed a baby’s diaper
A baby dolphin?

21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
Fucking idiots.

22. Watched a meteor shower
Several. My favorite part is watching them dry off though...

23. Gotten drunk on champagne
Different morning. Didn't see the sunrise.

24. Given more than you can afford to charity
Naw, she's a bitch. So is Faith. And Hope.

25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
And I can see the night sky without a telescope too.

26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
Yeah. When Kerry lost. NO! NO! NO! This post will remain non-political.

27. Had a food fight
"But I want spaghetti!"
"No, we're not having spaghetti!"

28. Bet on a winning horse
Winning dog, yes. Lost on the horse.

29. Asked out a stranger
Yup. Lost on that too.

30. Had a snowball fight
Hit that horse right on the noggin'!

31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
And I gave the asshole the finger too!

32. Held a lamb
Mmmm. Held that chop with both hands.
Oh. You mean a live lamb? Yeah. That too.

33. Seen a total eclipse of the moon.
A couple.

34. Ridden a roller coaster
Gawdfry. Who hasn't?

35. Hit a home run
Not with that stranger.

36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
Every time I dance. Which is rare.

37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
An entire day? I'll kick your ass if you start that shit around me.

38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
Yeah, once when I had two hard drives for my computer.

39. Had two hard drives for your computer
What!?!? Wow, that's just weird.

40. Visited all 50 states
Not even half.

41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
You mean someone else?

42. Had amazing friends
None that I know of.

43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
Dammit! I said I've never been out of the Americas!

44. Watched wild whales
Wild. And crazy.

45. Stolen a sign
Yup. Here's yer sign.

46. Backpacked in Europe
Okay, how many more times do I have to say it? I've never left the fucking Americas!!!

47. Taken a road-trip
Stupid question. Of course.

48. Gone rock climbing
Yup.

49. Midnight walk on the beach
It was midnight somewhere in the world.

50. Gone sky diving
Fucking morons. There are two things that fall from the sky: Bird shit and idiots.

51. Visited Ireland
Good gawd. I have fucking never fucking left the fucking Americas!!!

52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
Mm, naw. Didn't let it get to me.

53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
Let's see... was that the night of the champagne or the sunrise?

54. Visited Japan
Ugh. I'm not saying it again.

55. Milked a cow
I didn't milk her, but she was a cow.

56. Alphabetized your CDs
You mean some people don't?

57. Pretended to be a superhero
I am "Supersparky":



58. Sung karaoke
Maybe that was the champagne night.

59. Lounged around in bed all day
Oh, hell yeah.

60. Played touch football
[lisp]You're such a bitch[/lisp]

61. Gone scuba diving
Snorkeling only.

62. Kissed in the rain
And other things...

63. Played in the mud
After the rain.

64. Played in the rain
What's the obsession with rain?

65. Gone to a drive-in theater
I had my truck wired to the drive-in theater. Only way you could hear the shit.

66. Visited the Great Wall of China
I SAID I'M NOT SAYING IT AGAIN!!!

67. Started a business
Was about as successful as asking a stranger out.

68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
What sort of pansy-assed question is this?

69. Toured ancient sites
Mayan ruins. Dinosaur quarry. Etc.

70. Taken a martial arts class
I have guns.

71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
No. And I have actually felt a woman's breast.

72. Gotten married
A couple times.

73. Been in a movie
Yeah, "Christmas At Curmudgeon's"

74. Crashed a party
After one maybe.

75. Gotten divorced
See number 72.

76. Gone without food for 5 days
Beer is food, right?

77. Made cookies from scratch
And won prizes doing it.

78. Won first prize in a costume contest
Oh, maybe back in second grade.

79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
DAMMIT!!!! I've never been...fuck it.

80. Gotten a tattoo
Waste of money.

81. Rafted the Snake River
Fished the Snake river, rafted the Green.

82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
I've been on teevee, and I am as qualified as any of those other so-called 'experts'.

83. Got flowers for no reason
Uh, yah. Made my day.

84. Performed on stage
Who is this "stage"?

85. Been to Las Vegas
Uh, once or twice.

86. Recorded music
I have a tape recorder.

87. Eaten shark
I prefer dolphin.

88. Kissed on the first date
If by "kiss' you mean ...

89. Gone to Thailand
Jeebus kreebus. Wake the fuck up.

90. Bought a house
A couple.

91. Been in a combat zone
With the wife, yes.

92. Buried one/both of your parents
Both.

93. Been on a cruise ship
With the wife, yes.

94. Spoken more than one language fluently
Computer language.

95. Performed in Rocky Horror
Get a life.

96. Raised children
Not my own.

97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
See #95.

99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
Fuck off.

100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
Not by choice.

101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
Holding those flowers or playing touch football?

102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
Roll up your window if you don't like my song.

103. Had plastic surgery
Don't need to, what with the advent of \/!@gr@.

104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
Shouldn't have survived? Says who?

105. Wrote articles for a large publication
I write for the blogosphere.

106. Lost over 100 pounds
My first wife.

107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
Were they really having a flashback or were they in my flashback? We may never know.

108. Piloted an airplane
Sober? Like the pilots they use now?

109. Touched a stingray
Swam with them. They touched me.

110. Broken someone’s heart
Let's see, check...check...and check.

111. Helped an animal give birth
Hmm. Can't say that I have.

112. Won money on a T.V. game show
I guess you have to watch the sorry things in order to do that.

113. Broken a bone
Yup.

114. Gone on an African photo safari
I'll spell it out N-E-V-E-R L-E-F-T ...

115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
Waste of money. And stupid.

116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
Not all at the same time.

117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
Yummy. Fresh.

118. Ridden a horse
Stupid fucking animals . Can't stand them, but yes.

119. Had major surgery
Minor.

120. Had a snake as a pet
Used to have to use the sewer snake to unclog the sewer on a regular basis.

121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
If by 'hiked' you mean rode a mule. And if by 'Grand Canyon' you mean Bryce Canyon, then yes.

122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
I'll sleep when I'm dead.

123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
I'm starting to get a little bit annoyed here.

124. Visited all 7 continents
You're just not paying attention at all, are you.?

125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
River trip, yes. Canoes are for 'touch' football players.

126. Eaten kangaroo meat
Hmm. Maybe that's what it was. Is kangaroo meat green?

127. Eaten sushi
As long as it's cooked. No reason to eat raw fish since they invented fire.

128. Had your picture in the newspaper
Yup.

129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
Oral is fun. Trust me, dear.

130. Gone back to school
Been there. Done that. May again.

131. Parasailed
Fucking idiots.

132. Touched a cockroach
With the bottom of my shoe.

133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
Pickled green tomatoes.

134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
Did Louis L'Amour write those too?

135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
I missed Andy Capp by Smythe in school.

136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
They really are better when they age a few days, but fresh is okay in a pinch.

137. Skipped all your school reunions
Wish I had. Trust me. Don't go to them.

138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
Yeah, when the asshole cut me off.

139. Been elected to public office
I can't lie that well.

140. Written your own computer language
I have enough trouble with the ones already written.

141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
Bwah! Yeah, I get up and go to work every day to pay my bills. That's just dreamy.

142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
Love is a pretty strong word.

143. Built your own PC from parts
Everyone else's, but not mine.

144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
I keep hearing that I should.

145. Had a booth at a street fair
Not to sell my art.

146. Dyed your hair
Salt and pepper is the best color. Why change it?

147. Been a DJ
Uh, no.

148. Shaved your head
And lose the salt and pepper?

149. Caused a car accident
Woops.

150. Saved someone’s life
Yeah. A fine thank-you I got for that one too.
Okay, there you have it. If by chance you made it this far.

I Got Your Comment Right Here

Since Mark has gone and moved his blog to an inferior host, I can no longer comment on his posts. Try as we might, we can't seem to make the place think that I'm really not a spammer.
So, phukkit. I give up.

I will however, mention ... fuck blogsavy.

Got Milk?

San Francisco says no to cookie aroma at bus stops

Tue Dec 5, 9:54 PM ET

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - What was billed as a pleasing alternative to exhaust fumes at San Francisco bus stops ended after officials Tuesday ordered the removal of advertisements that gave off the scent of baked cookies.
[...]
Uh, right. Billboards that smell like cookies.

Okay, that's it. I can jump in front of the bus now. I think when it comes to the epitome of stupidity (Hey! That rhymes!), I may have seen it all.

But nevertheless, the reason it's being removed? The transportation agency wasn't told about it ahead of time. So? Big fucking deal.
The agency also received several complaints from bus riders concerned that the aroma might not be safe, she said.
Might not be safe? Good gawd.
Morons.

Let's not offend anyone here. That nice smell could equate to someone else's flatulance. Light a match, would you?

ALRIGHT! WHO FARTED!?!?!

Flatulence forces plane to land

Wed Dec 6, 7:07 AM ET

NASHVILLE, Tenn. - An American Airlines flight was forced to make an emergency landing Monday morning after a passenger lit a match to disguise the scent of flatulence, authorities said.
[...]
I don't care who ya are, that's funny.

Some some woman farted, then lit a match to cover it up. What's the big deal? You're allowed to take matches in the carry-ons. What's a little sulphur smell?

I don't recall ever being on a plane where some odiferous stench DIDN'T come floating around my way. Sorry, but I for one would rather smell sulphur and phosphor.

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Victoria's Secret voucher winner"
Cool. Just what I need.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Merry Christmas - Installment #2 Of A Christmas Related Series For 2006



"I must be leaving soon. Leaving for the great white north. But I'll be back my sweet, to see you again."

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Needless to say that we're trying to help you with your choices"
Sounds like another government employee.

Monday, December 04, 2006

We Will Not Be Assimilated!

Maricopa Mark refuses to cave to the whims of blogger, and has therefore made it impossible for me to comment on any posts at his new home.
If any of you are having any troubles posting comments there too, kindly scream post a little ditty here, would you?

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Thinking of you"
Ah, gee. Ain't that sweet?

Sunday, December 03, 2006

I'm From he Government And I'm Here To Take Care Of You

I read a post over at Snog Dot's that I thought was quite well put:
Today's Democrats and WW II's Tokyo Rose

Anyone who remembers anything about World War II or has studied anything about World War II will understand and remember that during World War II, the Japanese developed a way to demoralize the American forces. The Japanese psychological warfare experts developed a message they felt would work.

They gave their psychological warfare script to their famous broadcaster "Tokyo Rose" and every day she would broadcast this same message packaged in different ways, hoping it would have a negative impact on American GI's morale.

What was that demoralizing message?

It had three main points:

1. Your President is lying to you.
2. This war is illegal.
3. You cannot win the war

Does this sound familiar?

Is it because:
Tokyo Hillary
Tokyo Harry
Tokyo Teddy
Tokyo Nancy
Tokyo Durbin
Tokyo Kerry
etc.,
have all learned from the former enemies of our country and have picked up the same message and are broadcasting it on:

Tokyo CNN
Tokyo ABC
Tokyo CBS
Tokyo NBC
Tokyo MSNBC
etc., to our troops!

The only difference is that they claim to support our troops before they demoralize them.

Come to think of it...Tokyo Rose also told the American Troops she was on their side!
Sorta rings true.

Now go take a look at his blog, and wish his family well.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Quote Of The Day

This story is a little dated, but what can I say? I just saw it:
“In some African countries, if you kill an elephant you may go to prison.

If you kill a journalist, you might not.”
Worth a 'shot' as they say.

You can trust journalists about as far as politicians.
Maybe they need to swear on the bible or koran "to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth" as they sign on the air every night.

Merry Christmas - Installment #1 Of A Christmas Related Series For 2006

The miracle that is mistletoe:


What A Pompous, Arrogan Fuck

America, Not Keith Ellison, decides what book a congressman takes his oath on
Keith Ellison, D-Minn., the first Muslim elected to the United States Congress, has announced that he will not take his oath of office on the Bible, but on the bible of Islam, the Koran.
[...]
Don't want to swear on the bible? Don't run for office.

The rule is, if you're going to be a public servant, you make your promise to do your job and uphold your office by putting your hand on the bible and swearing to do the same.

Not that it has done any good in the past. We have found out many times that they're just as willing to lie to God as they are to a fellow citizen. I guess he's as willing to lie to Allah as any other politician is willing to lie to us and God.

But, that's the way it's supposed to work. It's the law, and people of all religions and backgrounds have had to do it to take office or to take the witness stand for hundreds of years.


So Mr. Ellison, D-Minn., mind if I borrow your Koran, Quran, whateverthehell, when you're done swearing on it? I feel the Taco Bell urge coming on.




All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds.



Hat tip to banedad for "letting" me steal that 'toon.

Spam Subject Of The Day

"wolverin"
ROOWWWWWWRRRR!!!

Thursday, November 30, 2006

The Woman He Loves

When a man comes home from work after a really difficult day at the office, factory or jobsite, nothing brightens his spirits and makes him feel more appreciated than being met at the door by the smiling face of the woman he loves and an ice cold beer in her hand.



[+/-] Show/hide picture (Somewhat NSFW)

A Funny

An oldie but goodie:
Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different.
The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant.
Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas,and Earlene got pregnant again.
Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again."
Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"

Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Earlene with me."





I Hadn't Heard This

Via email:
Let's all shop at Sears!!!
I assume you have all seen the reports about how Sears is treating its reservist employees who are called up? By law, they are required to hold their jobs open and available, but nothing more. Usually, people take a big pay cut and lose benefits as a result of being called up.. Sears is voluntarily paying the difference in salaries and maintaining all benefits, including medical insurance and bonus programs, for all called up reservist employees for up to two years. I submit that Sears is an exemplary corporate citizen and should be recognized for its contribution.

Suggest we all shop at Sears, and be sure to find a manager to tell them why we are there so the company gets the positive reinforcement it well deserves.

Pass it on.

So I decided to check it out before I sent it forward. I sent the following email to the Sears Customer Service Department:
I received this email and I would like to know if it is true. If it is, the Internet may have just become one very good source of advertisement for your store. I know I would go out of my way to buy products from Sears instead of another store for a like item even if it was cheaper at the other store.
Here is their answer to my email:
Dear Customer:

Thank you for contacting Sears

The information is factual. We appreciate your positive feedback. Sears regards service to our country as one of greatest sacrifices our young men and women can make. We are happy to do our part to lessen the burden they bear at this time.

Bill Thorn
Sears Customer Care
webcenter@sears.com
1-800-349-4358
Please pass this on to all your friends, Sears needs to be recognized for this outstanding contribution and we need to show them, as Americans, we do appreciate what they are doing for our military.
Here is the Snopes link.

Spam Subject Of The Day

"see you in vegas"
Possibly.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

If You Get A Chance

Go on over here and check out a new blog I read yesterday.

I think you'll find it worthy of a read, or even a link.

He's Still Alive?

Castro may be no-show at 80th birthday bash

Nov. 28, 2006. 06:36 PM
HAVANA— Presidents, former leaders and Nobel laureates have confirmed their attendance at a five-day 80th birthday bash for ailing leader Fidel Castro. But the host himself has not.
[...]
Hey Castro, know where the party is?!?!

It's in your mouth and we're all cuming!!!

The Cinch Gets Tighter

Supreme Court to hear greenhouse warming case
[...]
The EPA, along with 10 states, four motor vehicle trade associations and two coalitions of utility companies and other industries, maintain the agency lacks the authority to limit emissions of greenhouse gases such as carbon dioxide.
[...]
Now let me get this straight: The EPA wants to somehow regulate carbon dioxide?

In case you didn't know, this greenhouse gas - carbon dioxide - is something WE exhale as a normal process of respiration. Also, in case you didn't know, the one thing - along with water vapor - that gets created as a result of the cleanest combustion possible, is carbon dioxide.

What do they want to do, outlaw breathing AND fire? How will trees and plants survive? They need carbon dioxide to live.

This case is a stretch. Another waste of money we could be sending to New Orleans or maybe Africa. The EPA has definitely lost their collective minds. But that much we knew.
Court says U.S. discriminates against blind with currency

Reuters - Tue Nov 28, 9:46 PM ET
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The U.S. government discriminates against blind people because American currency is not designed to be distinguishable to visually impaired people, a federal judge said on Tuesday.
[...]
Oh, great. That fucking Bush is wasting money reprinting money. Figgers.

We could be using that money to build homes in New Orleans. Or we could send that money to Africa - a'la Bono - and cure every disease they have running around loose over there.
How about using it to invent alternative fuels? Or maybe resupplying the ozone layer?

Naw, this is a much better project.

Love that word too: 'Discriminate'. We're just never going to please everyone.

Good Gawd

How to prepare a child:

First, you take the child out of the cage and pop them on the head with a hammer. If you're not quite ready to prepare the child right away, they can be put in the freezer and prepared another day.
Otherwise, toss them in the microwave to cook.
Serve piping hot.


Just kidding, of course.


AAAHHHHHGGGGGG!!!! What in the flying fuck is wrong with these people? Fer Chrissakes. If you don't want - or just plain can't handle - your kids, give them the fuck up. There are plenty of people out there who do.

Gawd-a-mighty. What a bunch of idiots.