"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

"Christmas Day, Give Or Take A Week" - Repost

This has to be one of my favorite paintings from one of my all-time favorite artists, Bev Doolittle:


Definitely click on the picture to use the embiggenator. This small size don't do it justice.

You should really do yourself a favor and go check out some of her other work. She specializes in 'camouflage art'.
For instance, go here and see how many faces you can find.

Of course, I can't afford any of it unless it's maybe a book of her work, but it is beautiful stuff.


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Tuesday, December 14, 2010

'Tis The Season

ABCDEFGHIJK MNOPQRSTUVWXYZ Everyone!



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Monday, December 06, 2010

My View Saturday Morning


A lovely morning.


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Wednesday, December 01, 2010

T.S.A. 2011Pinup Calendar

Get yours while they last!





January


February


March


April


May


June


July


August


September


October


November


December

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Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Turkey Day

So here it is almost Thanksgiving. You wouldn't know it, stores put out all their Christmas decorations even earlier than usual this year.
Pathetic. I went to the hardware store the weekend before Halloween to see if I could grab a couple stray witches or goblins to put out in the yard and all the hell they had was Christmas decorations.

Sad really. This holiday - or this day of recognition if you prefer - is, in my opinion, every bit as fun or traditional or 'togetherness' related as any holiday can be. What other time of year do you actually plan out and make it a point to join up with family and friends near and/or far that you usually don't meet up with? Unless of course, it's a funeral or a wedding.
Now I'm part of one of the luckier families where at least some of us get together several times a year. But for many people, this is the only time they get together - for better or worse.

On top of that, it's a celebration of where this country began, and what we have.
We don't know for sure what actually happened that first Thanksgiving, as we weren't there. Tradition has it that the new arrivals sat down and ate a big ole' meal with the indians. They cooked up a turkey, some corn, cranberries (I know, this is all loosely translated. Sue me), maybe a yam or two, some stuffing, mashed potatoes with giblet gravy, and big ole' punkin pie. Then they all said 'Grace' and passed platters full of bounty around the tables.

More realistically though, it's the end of the growing season. Fall is in the air and now it's time to hunker down and dig in for winter. Time to appreciate that all the hard work you have done during the past year has put food on the plate, in the pantry and down in the cellar. Time to give thanks for what you have, and what you are a part of. And that (hopefully) you have others to join you at the dinner table to share it all with.

Nowdays though, it seems retailers are so concerned with 'Black Friday' that they've moved it up a month. Rather than appreciate and celebrate anything you have accomplished in the last year, they get dollar signs in their eyes.
As soon as the Halloween candy has been passed out to all the little brats, it's time to grab the parents' money before they have a chance to even think about getting ready for the holidays. Get that "FANTASTIC DOOR BUSTER 3 O'CLOCK IN THE BLESSED MORNING 99% OFF TODAY ONLY BLUE LIGHT WITH A COUPON LIMITED TO THE FIRST 3 PEOPLE IN LINE" deals going. Got to get those impulse dollars in through the front door before they have any sort of a chance to slip away on something so silly as a trip to gramma's house.

Well, I got some news. I ain't getting distracted. I ain't going to let Thanksgiving slip past. The horn-o-plenty will remain the centerpiece for a few more days.
The gourds will sit on the mantle for a few more days.
The boxes of Christmas decorations aren't coming off the shelf until after T-day, and the lights can sit there quietly untested for a few more days.

The turkey is in the refrigerator thawing, along with the ham. The stockings are in a box.
We'll lounge around and enjoy each others company, some football and perhaps even some of the parade, the aroma of the bird roasting in the oven. After all that, we'll settle in for the evening and relax. It is over a month until Christmas. There is plenty of time to get the tree decorated, lights put up, and gifts bought, without having to miss out on one single bit of the pleasure and value of this holiday.

You all do the same. Have a happy Thanksgiving.


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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Nothing To See Here, Move Along

Slacking bad lately, eh? This blogging hobby as all but dried up it seems.

Not much of anything interesting to say, so let me tell you why more matter than antimatter remains when you collide protons with antiprotons:
"The ratio of matter to antimatter in the experiment was revealed by observing a particular product of the collision, called B mesons. These particles are made up of one quark and one antiquark. B mesons, in turn, decay into other particles, including a type called muons. By studying the kinds of muons created in the collision, the researchers were able to calculate just how much more matter than antimatter resulted."
I'll bet you didn't know that.


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Monday, November 08, 2010

Don't Ever Do That Again!

It just isn't worth it.

So what if that nose hair tickles. Get the scissors and cut it. DO NOT PULL IT OUT!!!
The resulting irritation and sneezing fit just doesn't add up to the inconvenience of walking to the mirror, using the scissors and gently puffing into the kleenex.


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Friday, November 05, 2010

Observations

The building I work in is "l" shaped. If I go from one end to the other, it is usually easier for me to just cut across the parking lot rather than go through all the secure doors, down all the hallways, and pause at several offices to answer questions.

So while cutting across the parking lot this morning, I noticed several 'interesting' things about my co-workers vehicles:

* Sure, you're happy you're married, and hence you proudly display your wife's garter by hanging it from your rear view mirror. If said garter is big enough to use as a spare tire cover, maybe you should display it somewhere else. Like the dumpster.

* Yes, I understand infants are not predictable, if they have a need to relieve themselves they just do. And I also understand dirty diapers are icky, and aren't usually welcome guests in the front seat with the passengers.
But if you're going to throw your dirty diaper in the back of your truck, don't you think you should also take the time to throw it in the garbage when you get back to the house?

* Dude, your car would probably only net you about $500 on the open market. You wasted money on "The Club".

* Uh, Mister White Car driver, that 'bra' really looks nice against the smashed in bumper and crinkled fenders.

* Really? "Superman" seat covers? What, do they help keep your "Underoos" from riding up while you drive?

Whatever.

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Monday, November 01, 2010

Happy Halloween

It was good. Good party Saturday, plenty of tricky-treaters Sunday.

But listen kids, if you're a girl and you're old enough to fill a 'C' cup, you may be too old for trick or treating.
If you're a boy and you are driving a car from house to house, you may be too old for trick or treating.

I know there is really no age limit but come now. We had these types and they were too old.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

A Funny

A real woman is a man's best friend.

She will never stand him up and never let him down.
She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.
She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret.
She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.
She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.

No wait... sorry...

I'm thinking of beer.

That's what beer does...

Never mind....

Stolen from here.

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Thursday, October 21, 2010

Didn't Feel A Thing

California to stage mass quake drill

[...]
At exactly 10:21 am (1701 GMT) on Thursday, October 21, millions of locals will dive to the ground, climb under desks or other cover, and hold on tight to practice the so-called "Drop, Cover, Hold On" quake response mantra.
[...]
Don't get my hopes up.

The sooner California slides off into the ocean the better.


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Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Quote Of The Day

"Normal people are an urban legend.
Everyone talks about them and everyone's heard of them, but no one has ever seen one."


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Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The End Of Another Era?

So over the weekend Barbara Billingsley (Leave It To Beaver) died, then today I see Tom Bosley (Happy Days) has died. They were the two of the most famous parents I knew from the teevee.

Well, they say things always go in threes. Who's next I wonder? Anyone care to start a dead pool?

Possibilities include parents such as:
Marion Ross (Also Happy Days)
Bill Cosby (Duh)
Brady Bunch
Waltons


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Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The Quiet Life

I haven't been reading all my favorite blogs, or posting my boring bits lately. For this I apologize.

Trouble is, my company just installed internet monitoring shit so I can't keep up on things during the day like I used to be able to. I don't want them to think I'm a slacker. I obviously get my work done, but I must set an example and all that shit.

So as it is now, I'm typing this with the internet disconnected, using my fucking cool cell phone (EVO) as a tether. I love gadgets. It's not quite as fast of a connection as the 100mb connection at my workplace, but it does quite nicely.

So don't feel bad if I don't come visit as often as I used to, I'll pop in when I can.


"My name is Curmudgeon, and I'm a gadgeter."


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Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Whatta Dude

FBI: Stripper, drugs, guns and judge don't mix

ATLANTA – A 67-year-old federal judge's wild relationship with a stripper started with a lap dance, prosecutors said, and quickly escalated into escapades of prostitution and gun-toting drug deals for cocaine and prescription pills.[...]
I think I like this guy!


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Monday, October 04, 2010

Quote Of The Day

From a random blog:
"... So I said I would definitely call back, just as soon as I gave a fuck."

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Gee Whiz

My, how time flies.



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Monday, September 27, 2010

BWAAAHHH!!!!

Bummer:
Segway owner dies after falling off river cliff

LONDON - A wealthy British businessman who owns the company that makes the two-wheeled Segway has been found dead in a river in northern England after apparently falling off a cliff on one of the vehicles, police said Monday.

[...]
Schadne ... Scheden ... Schaden ... Karma is a motherfukker.


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Friday, September 24, 2010

This Is How It's Done

When your local, state and federal government law enforcement officials are too useless and corrupt to do their jobs, you do it for them:
Fed Up, A Mexican Town Resorts To Mob Justice

[...]
This week an angry mob of citizens pursued and allegedly killed two suspected kidnappers, storming a military base to get at the alleged culprits believed to have nabbed a teenage girl.
[...]
These people got sick of the shit.

The town averages 3 kidnappings a week. This time, they didn't let it happen. The armed (Huh? I thought Mexico was a gun-free country) kidnappers took a 16 year old girl from her family's restaurant. The town's citizens chased the fuckers down, beat the hell out of some, and killed others.

Kudos.


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Ouch

Recall for the rich: Bentley replacing ornament

BERLIN - Luxury carmaker Bentley is recalling 820 cars worldwide over fears that its famous "Winged B" hood ornament could injure people in an accident because it might not properly retract.
[...]
Uh, yeah. That's what I worry about too. That if I get hit by a Bentley, the hood ornament is going to cause the worst damage.
The other ton or so of car? Not a problem.


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Monday, September 20, 2010

Words O' Wisdom

Some old, some new, all good. Via email:
Ø I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Ø I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Ø Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Ø Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Ø If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

Ø We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Ø War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Ø The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Ø Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

Ø How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Ø Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Ø Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

Ø I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

Ø A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Ø Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

Ø I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Ø I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Thyroid problem?"

Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Ø Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Ø Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?

Ø Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Ø You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Ø The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Ø Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

Ø Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Ø I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

Ø There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

Ø I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

Ø When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Ø You're never too old to learn something stupid.

Ø To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Ø Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Ø Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

Ø A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Ø If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.



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Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I'm Loving It

Howza bout a little iron in your cereal:
Ga. pair claim they found a used tampon in cereal

THOMASTON, Ga. - An Upson County couple is suing a grocery store chain in federal court, claiming that the husband found a used tampon in his bowl of cereal. According to the complaint, Thomas and Lynn Roddenberry said they bought a box of Chocolate Chip Crunch cereal from the Save-A-Lot store in Thomaston in October 2008. A day after buying the cereal, Thomas Roddenberry said he discovered the tampon in his bowl after taking a bite of the cereal.
[...]
Now THAT's the way to start your day.

In related news:


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Thursday, September 09, 2010

Who'da Thunk It

Ham and pepper-jack cheese makes quite the tasty combination for a sandwich.


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Another Useless Post

Because I didn't have anything worthwhile to post, here's a pie chart:



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Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Don't Try This At Home

This is some serious W.T.F.'edness:


Seen on RTRKOF's blog.

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Wednesday, September 01, 2010

What The Fuck?

Cops: Calif doctor gets stuck in chimney, dies
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. – A doctor involved in an "on-again, off-again" relationship apparently tried to force her way into her boyfriend's home by sliding down the chimney, police said Tuesday. Her decomposing body was found there three days later.

Dr. Jacquelyn Kotarac, 49, first tried to get into the house with a shovel, then climbed a ladder to the roof last Wednesday night, removed the chimney cap and slid feet first down the flue, Bakersfield police Sgt. Mary DeGeare said.

While she was trying to break in, the man she was pursuing escaped unnoticed from another exit "to avoid a confrontation," authorities said.
[...]
Wait a minute now. A 49 year old woman doctor slid down a dude's chimney trying to get into his house? I don't blame the guy for getting the hell outta there.

That is one hell of a mid-life crisis. She should have just bought a sports car.



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Monday, August 30, 2010

Phunny

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman.
He was a terrific athlete.
He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis.
He could golf with the pros.
He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano.
He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more.
He had a memory like a computer.
He remembered everybody's birthday.
He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with.
He could fix anything.
Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good.
He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong, and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too.
He was the perfect man!
He never made a mistake.
No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. He died.
I'm married to his fuckin' widow."


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Friday, August 27, 2010

Because It Made Me Giggle




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Thursday, August 26, 2010

If You Can't Say Anything Nice...

Fuck that. I reckon my momma would be pissed right now but I can't think think of anything nice to say, so I'm left with saying something shitty.

This doesn't go out to everyone mind you, only the people who suck.  And not that I'm the best so-called 'writer' out there, but gawddammit!  I at least try to re-read my posts and correct errors with spelling, grammar, punctuation, and so on.

You people who insist on using public fora to express your feelings, emotions, cutesy little shit your baby just said as it stood there and pissed in its diaper, neat-o little trick your cat did when you tossed the pillow across the room at it, or how bad you want to cut your wrists because your boyfriend said you're fat, or how you're going over to your BFF's house over there on the other side of town because they're feeling like shit after their boyfriend left them... please.  Take heed.

See that sentence? It was too fucking long.
See the use of your and you're, they're, there and their? They were all used properly.
Good gawd.  Is it that difficult to learn spelling and grammar?  Or is it that people are so uneducated they don't even realize the words are being misused?

And why the fuck is it that people insist on using anywho instead of anyway?  Is it really that fucking cute?  Am I missing something?

Please.  I implore you.  Save the bullshit, cutesy LOL's and IDK's for your fucking 1-9 keypad and try using a little talent and effort. 

Thank you.  That is all.




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Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Huh? Wha'dya Say?

Study: 1 in 5 US teenagers has slight hearing loss

Tue Aug 17, 9:31 pm ET

CHICAGO - A stunning one in five teens has lost a little bit of hearing, and the problem has increased substantially in recent years, a new national study has found.
[...]
Isn't this isn't a repeat from 1950, 1960, 1970, ... ?

And in case you have no idea what I'm talking about, here's a boy and a chicken.




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Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Funny

Has anyone out there ever done this sort off shit? Thrown eggs, water balloons, anything else at cars - or people for that matter?
I will admit, back in my younger days, I did. On more than one occasion.

In fact, one day a friend and I were driving around tossing 'projectiles' at other cars. We got noticed by law enforcement personnel and had our bucket of water balloons confiscated by the sheriff. He told us however, that we could follow him to his office and retrieve our bucket if we were of a mind to.
Which, like dumb shits, we actually did follow him and asked for it back. After all, it wasn't ours, it was my friends' parents' bucket and we didn't want to answer to them for losing it, lest they find out where it was and why it was missing.
And even more interesting was the fact that the sheriff actually gave it back - less the balloons, with only a word of warning that we not pursue our hobby any more.
We listened most intently to his advice, and shaken but relieved, we took our empty our bucket and followed his instructions to the letter.
Anyway, I digress...

At least the people in the cars we nailed weren't as crazy as this dude. In an article from our local fishwrap, some punk-assed teens were throwing eggs at a car which happened to be occupied by a nut.
Well, he didn't like it so he started shooting at the tires. Or so he said.

See? That's why you don't go out and be a punk-assed kid. You just never know who you may run across. It just may be someone who ain't going to put up with your shit.

Of course if someone is throwing eggs at you, replying with a gun is probably not the wisest choice either.

Little bastards ain't going to be out egging anyone else for a spell though, I'm guessing.



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Friday, August 13, 2010

Some Phunnies

I'm sure I can piss off someone with at least one of these:
A woman buys a wall mirror from Wal-Mart. The manager says "Would you like a screw for that mirror?"
She said "No, but I'd suck your cock for a lawn mower".

Top tip:  If you’re camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex.
Wish me luck, I appear in court next Monday.

I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today. Apparently the instruction 'finish off on her face' didn't mean what I thought it did.

A fat girl served me food in McDonalds at lunch time, she said "Sorry about the wait."
I said "Don't worry fatty, you're bound to lose it eventually."

One of life's great mysteries -
How is it that a woman can fit a seven inch vibrator into her half inch butt, IN THE DARK, but she's unable to fit an eight foot car into a fifteen foot parking space IN BROAD DAYLIGHT?

Snow? The TV weather woman said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself "fat chance" with a face like that!'

I have a new chat up line that works every time!! It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner & I always end up in bed with them.
Here's how it goes 'Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'

Years ago it was suggested ' that an apple a day kept the doctor away ' But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!





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The BP 12

For those of you besides me who likes to watch what's going on, take a look:

BP live feed from Hos ROV 1
BP live feed from Hos ROV 2

BP live feed from Olympic Challenger ROV 1
BP live feed from Olympics Challenger ROV 2
BP live feed from Ocean Intervention III ROV 1
BP live feed from Ocean Intervention III ROV 2
BP live feed from Q4000 ROV 1
BP live feed from Q4000 ROV 2
BP live feed from Skandi ROV 1
BP live feed from Skandi ROV 2
BP live feed from Enterprise ROV 1
BP live feed from Enterprise ROV 2


Click me for the preview page.


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Thursday, August 12, 2010

Going Postal Flight Attendant

This fucking story is getting real old real fast:
Pa. passengers call JetBlue flight attendant rude

PITTSBURGH - A pair of Pittsburgh women aboard a JetBlue flight said flight attendant Steven Slater — hailed by some as folk hero — was rude to passengers and instigated the confrontation that resulted in his barreling down an emergency chute from the plane and, ultimately, his arrest.
[...]
I really don't understand the mentality behind some people making this cocksucker out to be some sort of hero.
What's the big deal? He got all pissy, mouthed off on the P.A. system in the plane, grabbed a couple beers from the drink cart, popped the emergency chute, took off across the tarmac, went home to his boyfriend and sucked his dick.

He's nothing but a mouthy asshole who should with out a doubt, be fired, fined, and sent to jail.
What if the average Joe passenger would have pulled a stunt like that?

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Wednesday, August 11, 2010

S.S.S.S.S.

Daaaa-ham!
My Special Smoked Salmon Salad Sandwich is fucking fantastic.

This is salmon I caught whilst on the Alaska cruise last year, carefully (hah) prepared in the smoker a few months afterward, then vacuum sealed and stored back in the freezer.
I got some out yesterday and made sandwich fixin's out of it. You know, the usual. Relish, onion, garlic, tamed jalapenos, a bit of mayo.
Heaven I tell you.


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Friday, August 06, 2010

Damn

A Molotov cocktail would sure taste good right about now.

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Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Fucking Cool

If you're a fan of photography - well, not really photography, more like neat-o pictures in general, do yourself a favor and take a look at these:
Captured: America in Color from 1939-1943
I was simply mesmerized for a solid 30 minutes.

There are some other links at the bottom of "From the Archive: American Cities Pre-1950" and "Captured: The Pacific and Adjacent Theaters in WWII".
I'm going to take a look at them as soon as I get a chance.


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Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Some Phunnies

Via email:

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
********************

Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
********************

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
********************

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man,
'What have you got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon,
'Pies, you dumb ass' !!
********************

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.
********************

Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
********************

Georgie Porgy puddin’ and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
********************

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.





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Friday, July 30, 2010

Happy B'day To Me!

It's  my 50th!  WOOHOO!!!

Damn, I'm getting old.




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Thursday, July 29, 2010

[snerk]


Yes, that makes me hungry.

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And There You Have It

You are 10% hippie.
 

Ok, you conservative soul. Do you even believe in global warming? Loosen that necktie a little, and try some organic food. It actually does taste better. And go to a farmer's market--they're fun.

Are you a hippie?
Take More Quizzes



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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

From The "No Shit" Department

Airplane crash in Pakistan kills 152 people aboard

ISLAMABAD – A passenger jet crashed into the hills surrounding Pakistan's capital amid poor weather Wednesday, killing all 152 people on board and blazing a path of devastation strewn with body parts and twisted metal wreckage.
[...]
[my emphasis]

Uh, was it really necessary to point that out? What the fuck did you expect, a couple downed trees and a flat tire?


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Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Disgusting

This just makes me sick:
No, not because there is some big mean beast killing a lesser beast. Because the fucker is catching bigger fish than what I usually catch. It just isn't fair.

I know, shut up and quit bitching.
He's obviously better at it than me.


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Friday, July 23, 2010

Idea

Anyone up for a Gulf of Mexico vacation?



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Ask The Curmudgeon

DEAR CURMUDGEON: I have been seeing "Rodney" for four months. He is very nice, and we get along well. My problem is I am not totally attracted to him because of some dental issues.

Shortly after we started dating he told me he chews tobacco, which has contributed to his yellowing teeth. Because of this I find it hard to kiss him. Rodney has noticed it, but I told him I am not big on kissing -- which is really not the case.

How should I approach the subject with Rodney? This issue keeps me from completely falling for him. Please offer me some advice.

Turned Off
DEAR TURNED OFF: Stop being so superficial. So he don't have himself some pearly whites. At least he don't have meth mouth for fuck's sake. It's just bit of snuff.
And what's wrong with that? Didn't you ever swap DoubleMint with your boyfriend in high school? Why would that be any different than swapping a little Skoal?
That's right, get yourself "a little pinch between the cheek and gum" and you won't be so self conscious the next time you're swishing your tongue around his tonsils. As long as he don't drool or leave any chunks behind while he's licking your box, you'll be just fine.


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Poppy

I fucking love this song. Give it a listen when you have an extra 10 minutes or so:



I used this particular one because it sounds much better than the ones folks have posted from the live shows. But feel free to go to YouTube and watch some of the vids at your leisure.


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Thursday, July 22, 2010

Watta Nerd

So I finally got me a smart phone. In fact, it's one of these.
I never bothered with an iPhone, mostly because I don't like ATT. But when I heard my cell provider was coming out with something similar, the nerd in me reared its head and said "Curmudgeon, you are a techie. You should really get with the times."
So I did, and I'm glad of it. I've had it about a month now and I don't regret it a bit. In fact, my plan even costs less than if I would have gotten all the same features on my old plan.

My opinion? If you decide to get a smart phone, get the EVO.


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Wednesday, July 21, 2010

WOOHOO!

Star Trek Sequel Starts Filming in January

Source: Hollywood.com
July 20, 2010

Bruce Greenwood, who played Christopher Pike in J.J. Abrams' Star Trek, revealed to Hollywood.com that filming on the sequel will start in January.
[...]
Yes, I like Star Trek. All the iterations; O.S., T.N.G., Enterprise, Voyager, D.S. Nine, the movies and even the fucking Saturday morning cartoons. On top of that, I even read some of the Star Trek paperbacks!

You got a problem wi' dat?

Anyway, I thought the last movie was excellent. With any luck, the next one will be too. There is very little Sci-fi that entertains me these days. It's all too - I dunno. Wretched? Predictable? Sleep inducing?


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Never Bring A Gun To A Baseball Bat Fight

This story is full of win.

I was listening to a local FM station this morning as I was prepping myself for work. The DJs were delivering the news as is their wont every morning about the same time.
It turns out that Homey ran out of money and smokes, and went to a gas station/quickie mart out in North Town to replenish his supply of both. Trouble is, Homey attempted to do this packing a gun rather than a an ATM card. (North Town for those of you who are unfamiliar is North Las Vegas, which is our own little Detroit).

So the clerk raises his hands and lets Homey behind the counter to gather up what he wanted. About then two customers came in the store, saw the gun-toting hoodlum, turned around and walked out again. This however, provided just enough distraction to Homey that the clerk had time to grab a baseball bat from under the counter and bash his fucking brains in. Score one for the clerk.
Homey is currently lying in a hospital bed, in a coma.

Too bad the clerk didn't have a gun under the counter instead though.


Oh, and the 'Spam Subject of the Day'? Bah. Got sick of it. Unless there's one that really shines, I won't waste the time any more.


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Tuesday, July 20, 2010

It's A Sad Day

Currently, one of my favorite shows is criminal Minds. And one of my favorite characters from the show is "JJ".

Now I find out she's quitting?!?!?!?:
FBI BAU Supervisory Special Agent Jennifer "JJ" Jareau
Played by AJ Cook, Jareau acts as the team's liaison with the media and local police agencies. She is dating William LaMontagne, a New Orleans Police Officer. The two have a son together, Henry. She will not be returning as a series regular in season 6, due to the production company opting not to renew A.J. Cook's contract,[2] but she will return for two episodes to wrap up her storyline.[3]
She's purdy.




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Spam Subject of the Day

"hello"
Hi. Fuck off.

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Monday, July 19, 2010

The Economy

Some old, some new to me.
Via email:
The economy is so bad that…

…I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

…African television stations are now showing ' Sponsor an American Child' commercials!

…Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can' t afford batteries.

…I ordered a burger at McDonald' s and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

…CEO' s are now playing miniature golf.

…Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

…My ATM gave me an IOU!

…A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

…I saw a polygamist with only one wife.

…I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with purchase was a bank.

…If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

…McDonald' s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

…Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

…Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.

…My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

…A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

…Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

…A picture is now only worth 200 words.

…They renamed Wall Street "Wal-Mart Street."

…When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

…The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

…Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
Sad but true.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Best Mark"
Huh?

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Friday, July 16, 2010

Spam Subject of the Day

"PHOTOGRAPHY SCHOOLS"
Bah, I get get plenty of pictures off the web.


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Thursday, July 15, 2010

Seriuosly?

Do you really think you're attractive by doing that shit?


You're a fucking freak.

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Spam Subject of the Day

"PenisSize Advice For Men With a SmallPenis"
Good to know that it's not for women with a SmallPenis.


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Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Buzzard Bait

Search for men on Ariz treasure hunt enters day 3
PHOENIX – Rescue workers were searching a rugged Arizona wilderness area for a third day in triple-digit temperatures Tuesday for three Utah men who went missing while looking for the legendary Lost Dutchman Gold Mine.
[...]
Let's see now. You're no spring chicken (51-67 years old). One would think that you would be smart enough to NOT go hiking on very inhospitable terrain in the middle of an Arizona summer.
One would also think that you would have learned your lesson if you had to be rescued a year ago for trying the same fucking thing.

Darwin is grinning from ear to ear right now.


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Phunny

That's entertainment:
Beatles tribute band sues competitor in federal court

[...]
By using “Fab 4,” the defendants are “attempting to trade” on the reputation and success of The Fab Four, the lawsuit states. The Fab Four is asking the court to prevent the Fab 4 from using any trademark that sounds like “Fab Four” and is seeking monetary damages.

In other words, The Fab Four doesn’t want The Fab 4 cashing in on The Fab Four’s cashing in on the Beatles.

Because the names are similar, the lawsuit claims, people who are looking for The Fab Four on the Internet wind up going instead to The Fab 4’s website, and the situation is causing confusion among “consumers searching” for The Fab Four’s “entertainment services.”

So it may take a judge to force the two sides to “Come Together.” Maybe they can leave the courthouse singing “We Can Work It Out.”
[my emphasis]
WTF? You're both tribute bands. Neither of you are talented enough to write your own shit, so you try to make a buck copying someone else's shit. Just shut up and sing.



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Spam Subject of the Day

" Esquire featured this product"
That's swell.

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Tuesday, July 13, 2010

For Freddie

Sorry, this is as good as it gets:



'Cause she wanted to see pictures.

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Spam Subject of the Day

"How are you feeling"
Like I want to kick some spammer ass.

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Monday, July 12, 2010

I Need A Vacation




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Jeebus Loves His Children

No matter who y'are. 


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Youll be satisfied with the results"
I would be even more satisfied if you would fuck off.

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Friday, July 09, 2010

Spam Subject of the Day

"Rent contract"
Sorry folks, I've owned a home for 20-odd years now.

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Thursday, July 08, 2010

Spam Subject of the Day

"Member [me] 80% discount continues"
Uh, I'm not a member.

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Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Amazing

For those of you who dine on fast food occasionally for lunch, and who may not know this, the Sourdough Steak Melt from Jack/Box is the shit. That is one spiffy fast food invention.

I could quite possibly be addicted.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Buy Cheap Rep1icaWatches and FakeWatches here"
Will they give me a bigger dick?

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Tuesday, July 06, 2010

I Need This T-Shirt


Gave me a good giggle.

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History Lesson

Via email:
DO you know what happened 160 years ago this fall... back in 1850?

California became a state.
The people had no electricity.
The state had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gunfights in the streets.

So basically nothing has changed except then the women had real tits and the men didn't hold hands.

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6th Of July

So here's hoping you all had a wonderful 4th of July.

We had a fair one ourselves. Food, fun, fluids and fireworks of course.

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Spam Subject of the Day

"xzssufkfehg gtxanyt"
Absolutely.


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Friday, July 02, 2010

Spam Subject of the Day

"Become an expert in forensics"
Hey, I watch teevee. I already am an expert.

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Thursday, July 01, 2010

Good Gawd

Maggots force plane back to gate in Atlanta

Wed Jun 30, 5:15 pm ET

ATLANTA - Maggots falling from an overhead bin from a spoiled container of meat forced a US Airways flight to return to the gate so the bin could be cleaned.
[...]
It takes a lot to gross me out.

Mrs Curmudgeon is in the medical field. She can talk about blood, puke, open sores and puss at the dinner table and I can just go on eating supper. But seeing maggots just gags me.

They would probably have had to hold me back from kicking the door open and jumping out of that plane.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"No more carnal malfunction"
What's this? An edumacated spammer?

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Wednesday, June 30, 2010

A Funny

It gave me a giggle:



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BWAAAHHH!!!!

This is a stretch:


Well, I guess that just about says it all.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject of the Day

"DO YOU WISH YOU HAD A Wider & ThickerPenis?"
Damn thing barely fits in my pants now!

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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Quote Of The Day

From some random blog I stumbled across:
"I think it's time to schedule you
for a high colonic of love;"
The dude was seriously trying to be romantic. But what he was referring to, I'm not quite sure.

Oh well, whatever. Just sit back and visualize what you will. I'll just sit here and guffaw.


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Woops

Clean and sober!
Motley Crue’s Vince Neil arrested on DUI charge in Las Vegas

[...]
In an interview last week with The Associated Press about a tell-all book due out in September, Neil said he hadn't used drugs in 20 years and had stopped abusing alcohol.

"There's just a point in your life where you kind of stop, that's what happened with me," Neil had said. "There's other things in life than just drugs and alcohol."

Neil said he admired the sobriety of top performers today.

"Those are the guys that are doing it right," he said. "It's the ones that self-destruct with the drugs and alcohol that have gone by the wayside many years ago."
[...]
A tiger just can't change its stripes, a leopard can't change its spots, and fucked-up, drunk, show-off party animal can't all of a sudden behave.

At least he didn't kill someone this time.

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Spam Subject of the Day

Since this character set don't come across proper, you get a screen print:
Lovely.


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Monday, June 28, 2010

So Good To Be Back

Yup, me and Mrs Curmudgeon had a great time.
Back to reality now I reckon.

Oh, this was the view from our patio:



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Quick And Maximum En1argement In 2-3 Months."
Yup, same old shit.

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Thursday, June 17, 2010

Spam Subject of the Day

"Pharmacy sale BAD ECONMY"
No shit.

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Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Balls O' Brass

Ouch.
Man who tried self-amputation thought of MacGyver

HARTFORD, Conn. – Jonathan Metz had his left arm stuck in his furnace boiler for about 12 hours when he asked himself "what would MacGyver do?" and concluded that amputating the limb was his only chance for survival.
[...]
That'll leave a mark.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Would you be interested in placing a small text-based ad on [my web site]? "
Fuck no.

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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Yawn

Yes, you're right. I haven't posted much on this here blog lately. Same old "Spam Subject" shit.
Well, I've been gone a lot. And I'll be gone next week too.
It's all good though, just spending some vacation days. This all means that when I get back to town, there is a lot of catching up to do along with a lot of preparation for the coming travels.

Next week me and Mrs Curmudgeon will be spending some quality time in a supposed 'tropical paradise'. Someplace we've never been before, someplace we'll probably never go back too unless some sort of ship comes in or lottery payout happens in the future.

So where is this magical, mystical tropical paradise? Right here.  It's one of those once-in-a-lifetime things, a 25th anniversary 'treat' to us, that we've been planning for about 2 years now. So we're quite looking forward to it.

25 years. My, how times flies.



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Spam Subject of the Day

?ISO-2022-JP?B?GyRCSD8+SiQ3JEYkJCReJDkhIyQ5JF8kXiQ7JHMkRyQ3JD8bKEI=?=
Very informative

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Monday, June 14, 2010

Spam Subject of the Day

"Xanax .... viagra..."
Bac to the same old shit again.


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Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Yes, Once Again

It's another long weekend for yours truly.


"See" you next week!


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Just Because

It gave me a good giggle:



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Spiffy!

Slugger Bryce Harper goes No. 1 to Nationals.

[...]
The Nationals drafted the much-hyped [Bryce] Harper, a 17-year-old slugger with prodigious power from the College of Southern Nevada, with the No. 1 overall pick in the draft Monday night.
[...]
This is a cool story for a couple reasons. First, the kid is only 17. Second, he's going to the fucking "Big Time"! And third, he's from my alma mater. A tiny little community college in Nevada.

Nice job, guy!

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Spam Subject of the Day

"Hi :))"
Fuck off.

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Monday, June 07, 2010

Only A Trekkie Could Appreciate This

A slightly modified picture of Jean Luke Picard Patrick Stewart getting knighted:



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Insight for love, career, money"
Right. Like I'm going to take advice from the internet.


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Friday, June 04, 2010

For Those Interested

In watching live coverage of the gulf oil gusher, click this link and watch your choice of 12 live cameras:

Real time coverage

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Quote Of The Day

"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur."

Paul Neal "Red" Adair (June 18, 1915 – August 7, 2004)
Now those are words to live by.


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In The Good Ole' Summer Time

First 100-degree day of 2010 marks start of hot season

Soon, the wind will blow, and it will not cool you off.

It will make your skin hurt.

Walking outside will make your face feel like it did on Thanksgiving when you opened the oven to check on the turkey, and you forgot to turn your head away, and a blast of superheated dry air smacked you in the face and curled your eyelashes back and took your breath away, and for just an instant you thought, "Oh, my goodness. I believe I might go blind."

You will get in your car, and you will leave the top layer of your skin on the steering wheel.

You will walk barefoot across the sidewalk and regret it.

You will drink down a quart of water in one swift gulp.

You will consider sneaking into the pool at Arizona Charlie's to cool off.

Wish you'd tinted your windows.

Brought a hat.

Worked graveyard.

You will curse Las Vegas and the idiots who decided to build a city in the middle of the desert.

[...]
Every year I curse. Every year, I'm still here.


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Another Rocket Surgeon

Wis. man gets probation in dirty diaper theft
Just ... what the fuck?

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Spam Subject of the Day

"jechray"
Sorry, you lost me on that one.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thursday, June 03, 2010

It Ain't Getting Any Better


So now BP is going to take a big pair of scissors down and snip the broken pipe so they can 'try' again to fix the leak. Hmmm. I hope they don't just break it worse.

This is going to cause immeasurable consequences for years to come. Decades even.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"frolic"
Sure. Why not.



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Wednesday, June 02, 2010

WOOHOO!

The economy is finally looking up!:
Hiring by the U.S. Census Bureau is expected to spike May’s job figures dramatically.

Economist Mark Zandi of Moody’s.com projects the economy will add 575,000 jobs in May, while the Economic Policy Institute’s (EPI) rough projection is for 560,000 jobs.
575,000 new jobs in one month!

But wait:
[...]
Those jobs are temporary ones that will disappear as the Census completes the process of collecting data from people who did not mail in their forms.
[...]
Uh, those jobs are only temporary. It won't make the numbers for the following months look all that swell, now will it.

Almost 600,000 temporary jobs at what, $10.00 per hour? Created just because there are that many lazy assholes who couldn't or wouldn't find 10 fucking minutes to fill out a few questions on a gawdamn form?

Nice.


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Bull 1, Matador 0

This should please the hell out of PETArds:
Spanish matador Julio Aparicio is gored by a bull during a bullfight during the San Isidro Feria at the Las Ventas bullring in Madrid.


BWAAAHHH!!!!

The dude lived, but ... Ouch!


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Someone on Facebook is waiting for you"
Bummer.


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Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Uh, Yeah

Huh-wha...?
Man accused in 'outrageous' bear cub killing

[...]
Ann Bryant, president of the Lake Tahoe-based BEAR League, said locals are outraged over the shooting.

"We know for a fact that bears don't attack people, and little 75-pound cubs would certainly not attack a person," she said.
[...]
I won't pass judgment on the dude who allegedly shot the alleged attack bear, as I wasn't there. I don't know.
However, I will say that I know for a fact that bears attack people. And any self-righteous granola munching tree hugging dope smoking libtard who says otherwise is an idiot.

So how was your weekend? Mine was most awesome.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"From 8an9da to 1ou"
Logical.


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Thursday, May 27, 2010

What? It Wasn't An Airplane Crash?

911 call: Syringe, pills next to Slipknot bassist

DES MOINES, Iowa – The hotel employee who found Slipknot bassist Paul Gray dead in his room told a 911 operator that there was a hypodermic needle next to Gray's bed and there were "all kinds of pills everywhere."
[...]
Why am I not surprised?



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Drill Baby Drill!

So, I'm an armchair astronomer. Since I was a mere youngster, I've enjoyed science and space technology.
I don't remember much about rockets and space travel before oh, about Apollo 10, but I do have one of those 'where were you' moments during the Apollo 11 mission when Armstrong took his first steps on the moon.

I also remember standing outside in the middle of winter - I'm guessing it was the winter of '70-'71, Apollo 14 mission - staring at the bright moon high in the sky, freezing my ass off in the crisp night air, talking to my best friend about how "there were actually some dudes up there walking around right now". It seemed to me so plausible, yet it also seemed so difficult to fly someone that far away and have them be able to get back and talk about it.

Think about it. The earth is zipping through space around 65,000 mph. In the meantime, it is constantly turning. Yup, rotating once every 24 hours ;), which even though you may be standing still, you're still moving about 1,000 miles an hour.
The moon is circling the earth at around 2,300 mph. And it is also turning, albeit slower than the earth.
What all this means is that there are some serious calculations going on the get someone to light on that big fucking rock floating around up there.

Think about this: Let's say you're the typical family of four. Let's say you and your family are spending a day at the park. The dad and the daughter are merrily tossing a baseball back and forth, while the son is standing on the merry-go-round as the mom is pushing it.
Now let's say that the dad and the daughter are a fair distance away from the merry-go-round, and also a good distance apart from each other. Mom is turning the merry-go-round at a fair clip, and son - while he's on this merry-go-round and being the brat that he is, is using a slingshot to try to shoot at the ball being tossed by dad and daughter and knock it off course. And even though he may be an excellent shot and can hit any stationary target, without some excellent timing he will have a hell of a time shooting that slingshot at the exact location of his 'orbit', at the precise fraction of a second, at the exact trajectory, at the exact speed needed to hit that baseball flying through the air.

This is very similar to what is required to get a man to the moon and back again.

Now let's say someone wants to send something to Mars, Jupiter or Saturn, which are all hundreds or thousands of times farther away than the moon. Well, it has been done.

On the other hand, we a have a fucking leaky pipe one mile deep in the ocean and no one can figure out how to put a fucking cork in it?:
BP shoots mud at oil as Obama halts drilling plans

ROBERT, La. – BP hoped to know as early as Thursday afternoon if a stream of mud will finally end its Gulf of Mexico oil spill, a five-week disaster that was putting other U.S. offshore drilling projects on hold as far away as Alaska
[...]
ANWR is looking pretty good right now, ain't it?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject of the Day

"We ship directly to eor"
Eor? Isn't that Pooh's friend?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Another Rocket Surgeon

You stupid mutherfukker:
Man's penis freed from metal pipe with industrial grinder

[...]
The fire crew turned up with a special equipment unit from St Mary's station in Southampton and seven firefighters to help, in what a spokesman understatedly described as a 'delicate operation'.

The firefighters used the four-and-a-half-inch industrial metal grinder to cut the pipe from around the anaesthetised man's penis.

The man, thought to be aged around 40, did not explain to hospital staff how exactly the pipe got stuck around his penis, after he presented himself at the hospital's Accident & Emergency department on Tuesday morning. He was said to be 'quite concerned and anxious'.
[...]
Seven firefighters? Uh, one or two may have been able to do the job, no?

Anyway, being of the male gender, I am still amazed/befuddled/flabbergasted that there are some guys out there so fucking hard up that they'll go a stick their dick in any hole that happens to be around. Pipe, vacuum, tree trunk, park bench, you name it and it's been violated by some dude too stupid to just go jerk off.

I mean, for hell's sake. Does a fucking pipe look that enticing? A vacuum hose looks that sexy that you you pop a woody just eyeballing the opening?

This idiot deserves every nickname and put-down he gets the rest of his life.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"She will always want the bigger rod"
Yeah, tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of death blah blah blah, my rod and my staff, they comfort her.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Monday, May 24, 2010

Oopsy Daisy

Glad to hear it:
Key Al Qaeda Figure Accidentally Blows Himself Up, U.S. Officials Say

A man whom the U.S. described as a key figure in Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula accidentally blew himself up, U.S. military officials told Fox News.

The officials say Nayif Al-Qahtani was "messing with a bomb" when it went off. U.S. officials had been watching him, but Fox News' sources insist the U.S. had nothing to do with his death.
[...]
BWAAAAAHHHH!!!! That's a hoot!

I reckon he won't be going back to al queda school for a refresher course on bomb making.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject of the Day

"Buying ED Pills at big saving uqrh uv feregr"
We have something in common. That's the way I start talking when I've had a few too many too.


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Friday, May 21, 2010

Idiot Day

During the daily commute today, which I must point out is roughly 15 minutes one way, I was in the very best lane on the whole fucking street. That would be my guess at least because I had no less than 4 people try to merge into my lane, with me in their way. My horn honking hand is already tired.

Now people, might I suggest you get yourself a few sips of piping hot freshly brewed coffee before you try to make your way to work? Maybe read the paper or watch the news for a few minutes before you head out the door? Wake yourself up a bit?

And, most cars nowadays have three mirrors. Most likely, there is one on the driver's side door, one on the passenger's side door, and one right there in front, above the dashboard, in the middle of your fucking windshield.

Find them. Use them. Love them. Please. Fer chryssakes. Pay a-fucking-ttention or stay the hell home.


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Spam Subject of the Day

Nothing. Nada. No junk today. My filters are metamorphosing into actual usefulness evidently.


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Thursday, May 20, 2010

Curious

Gay couple sentenced to maximum 14 years in Malawi

BLANTYRE, Malawi - A judge sentenced a couple to the maximum 14 years in prison with hard labor under Malawi's anti-gay legislation, and crowds jeered the two men as they were driven from the court house to jail Thursday.
[...]
So this begs the question. Are the prisons over there are like the ones over here?
If so, no worries. They'll get all the buttfucking and cocksucking they want.

These girly-men are probably looking forward to the sentence.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Looking for a wife?"
Uh, no. Especially from you.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Spam Subject of the Day

"Newly released colon cleansing formula"
No thanks. I had that for lunch yesterday.

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Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Bummer

Lost another one of the greats:
Message from Wendy Dio

Today my heart is broken, Ronnie passed away at 7:45am 16th May. Many, many friends and family were able to say their private good-byes before he peacefully passed away. Ronnie knew how much he was loved by all. We so appreciate the love and support that you have all given us. Please give us a few days of privacy to deal with this terrible loss. Please know he loved you all and his music will live on forever.

- Wendy Dio
Ronnie James Dio (July 10, 1942 – May 16, 2010)


 




Of course, he had changed over the years but as always, I prefer to remember people like him as I choose.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"good day"
Does this mean you're going to leave me alone?


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Thursday, May 13, 2010

BWAAAHHH!!!!

Unruly plane passenger sentenced to probation

Page Last Updated: Thursday May 13, 2010 7:48am PDT
IDAHO FALLS, Idaho (AP) -- A passenger accused of unruly behavior that caused a plane to be diverted has pleaded guilty to three related charges.

Matthew Kleindorfer of Las Vegas was aboard a SkyWest Airlines flight from Helena, Mont., to Salt Lake City on May 2 when it was diverted to Idaho Falls.

Authorities say the pilot made the unscheduled landing after Kleindorfer pounded on the cockpit door, and said he was a space alien and wanted to fly the plane.

The 32-year-old man pleaded guilty in court Wednesday to misdemeanor counts of battery, resisting arrest, and disturbing the peace, all for actions that occurred after the plane landed.

The court suspended a one-year jail term and ordered him to serve two years probation.

He could still face federal charges for causing the disturbance during the flight.
Now that's funny.

I know I've relayed this story before, but it's still funny and this is a perfect time to refresh your memory.

I knew a guy once. Worked with him for a very short time. He got fired after not show up for work one day. No, he had more important things to do.

A co-worker saw the guy walking down the road carrying a fender from a junked car. The co-worker knew the guy was supposed to be at work, since he was on a different shift. Upon asking the dude what he was doing, the reply was he was taking spare parts to the mother ship so he could perform some needed repairs.

Never heard from him again.



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