Idiot Day

During the daily commute today, which I must point out is roughly 15 minutes one way, I was in the very best lane on the whole fucking street. That would be my guess at least because I had no less than 4 people try to merge into my lane, with me in their way. My horn honking hand is already tired.

Now people, might I suggest you get yourself a few sips of piping hot freshly brewed coffee before you try to make your way to work? Maybe read the paper or watch the news for a few minutes before you head out the door? Wake yourself up a bit?

And, most cars nowadays have three mirrors. Most likely, there is one on the driver's side door, one on the passenger's side door, and one right there in front, above the dashboard, in the middle of your fucking windshield.

Find them. Use them. Love them. Please. Fer chryssakes. Pay a-fucking-ttention or stay the hell home.


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Another Conspiracy Theory Anyone?

Farrakhan suspicious of H1N1 vaccine
[...]
"The Earth can't take 6.5 billion people. We just can't feed that many. So what are you going to do? Kill as many as you can. We have to develop a science that kills them and makes it look as though they died from some disease," Farrakhan said, adding that many wise people won't take the vaccine.
[...]

Gee. What a surprise. He's been quiet for a while, I reckon it's about time he spouted off some more shit to get himself some attention.



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Speaking Of Idiots

From some random blog I stumbled across:

Here are some things which will help when your willpower is very feeble, to ward off the urge to eat, or worse, binge!

• Pinch your thigh and see how you don't need food, because you should be eating your own flesh all away from the inside first, before you are deserving of actual legitimate sustenance.
• Go to the library. You can research dieting or whatever, or you can read the classics, or some of the aforementioned listerature. Or you can do homework, or write letters, but the beauty of it is, since no food or drink is allowed, you'll have no choice but to abstain from a meal.
• Buy some baby teething gel and rub it on your tongue, to numb your tastebuds.
• If you're even considering eating, just hold your breath and count to 100. Chances are that you'll convince youself not to eat whatever it is you're craving in that time.
• The scent of coffee has been proven to lessen ones appetite.
• Chew the food but don't swallow it. Spit it in the bin.
• If you're feeling dangerous, plan out the next few hours so that you're occupied for every single minute. Write a list of things to do for every 15 minutes. eg. exercise, surf the internet, email your friends, clean a room, read a book.
• If you're feeling brave enough to face the kitchen, go there and throw out any potential binge foods. If you must, pour bleach/disinfectant/dishwashing detergent on the food, and then throw it away! (Anorexics are known for retrieving food from bins, or stealing food from strange places).
• Pinch your ear! Apply pressure to the front of the ear, one at a time. The front of the ear is apparently a pressure point, in the area that controls hunger.
• Let perfume replace chocolate. Every time you have a craving, or pass a bakery, sniff some Chanel no. 5. Apply it to a tissue and carry it with you. Smell has a powerful effect on appetite.
• Clean something. Cleaning something dirty can make you lose your appetite. The toilet, the litter box, under the kitchen sink, scrubbing out the garbage bin, anything grimy or smelly. The mess, along with the smell of the cleaner, can put you off food for a while.
• Become a teenage artist. Write anorexic poetry, tragic little verses about bones and stomachs and evil evil capsicums. Anorexics are ever so creative. Collect pictures of skinny girls. Stick them all in your notebook. Draw pictures of painful bony girls with tear stained faces and their head in their hands (their spines sticking out). This will take up most of your time.

Okay, you fuckers need help.


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Hi All!

Yes, I'm back to the real world again.

Me and Mrs Curmudgeon had a swell time in sunny, southern KKKalifornia. It was good to get away, but I needed to get back so I could rest up. It's amazing just how much walking is involved whilst on vacation.

So, other than hurricanes and the idiots who stay behind to watch them, then expect the government to rescue their dumb asses from the wreckage, what's been going on while I was away?




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Freegans (?)

We used to call them scavengers or dumpster divers. Now it seems they've earned a new handle:

Dumb fucks[...]
Lindsay, 18, is among the growing number of Americans who practice the “freegan” way of life. The term, derived from the words “free” and “vegan,” refers to people who forage through the filth and stink of trash bins in search of discarded but edible food and rifle through trash looking for good, usable household items.
[...]

Well now. I can see it if you really need to. I mean really need to. But as a hobby? Or as a protest to wastefulness? Uh, sorry. No fucking way.

More here. or here.

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Fuck You Nevada Voters And The Fucked Up Smoking Ban

I use this particular headline in hopes Google and other search engines will index those words, and place this close to the top of the list. A sort of personal editorial if you will. Since the odds are better of it getting published here than in the local paper.

The back story here is like many other states and cities, Nevada also had a smoking ban on the last ballot.
What it amounted to in its tangled wording was that people would be forbidden from lighting up anywhere around food. This would include the local tavern which has a kitchen, a 7-11 that sells hot dogs, grocery stores, and so on. One of the big selling points was of course, the "For The Children ™ " angle. "Yeah, we bring our kids to the bar to eat supper, and we don't want you smoking around them."

It passed, barely, and so now, if you're a large casino (can you say Special Interest Group?), or a tavern with a separate dining area and separate ventilation system, you're allowed to have smoking in your establishment.

On the other hand, we have people continually bitching about how schools and teachers need more money, but yet the governor keeps squawking about how the state budget needs to be trimmed. And he's looking to trim the education budget for starters. For "The Children ™ "?

Well, tons of money for education and state budget was coming from taxes on tobacco. So in short, you dumbfucks voted your own damn selves a cut in revenue.
Happy now?



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Assholes

Over the weekend, there was a big wreck on what we locals call the beltway:

Two Killed After High-Speed Collision

Driver Traveling Wrong Way On The Beltway

LAS VEGAS -- Two people are dead after a wrong-way driver slammed head-on into an oncoming car on the Las Vegas Beltway.

Officials from the Highway Patrol said a trooper saw the Nissan speed past at more than 80 mph on the wrong side of the road -- but lost sight of the vehicle while he was turning around.

Moments later, the car slammed into a Lincoln near Decatur Boulevard.

A woman driving the Nissan and a man driving the Lincoln were killed.

This is a 3 lane freeway, with a physical barrier between north and south lanes. So obviously, the car didn't wander into incoming traffic. The fucking moron had to actually go 'up' the off-ramp, then drive the wrong way down the freeway.

Turns out, the person the stupid bitch slammed into was a high school teacher who had only moved here a few months ago.

It seems like there's one of these idiots every six months or so. Someone driving the wrong way on a one way highway. And it seems they're always driving like a bat out of hell too. And though you would think that it would turn out to be an obvious DUI, it seems that isn't usually the case. Usually, they find no chemicals or booze on or in the person.

I just don't understand it. You see a bunch of cars coming toward you, wouldn't you think there was something up? I guess we'll never know. We can't ask them. They dumb fucks always seem to end up dead.

On the other hand, we have dumbassery like this:

Nevada trooper sentenced in freeway crash that killed four

By KEN RITTER
ASSOCIATED PRESS

LAS VEGAS (AP) - A former Nevada state trooper was sentenced Tuesday to two to 12 years in state prison for an on-duty crash that killed four people and badly injured a pregnant teen.

Joshua Corcran, 28, who pleaded guilty in June to five counts of felony reckless driving, apologized to the sole surviving victim and her family moments before he was handcuffed and taken into custody.

His wife, Jennifer, sobbed loudly.

"From the bottom of my heart, I'm truly sorry your family members were taken from you," Corcran said, choking back tears. "I'm even more sorry that I was the cause of that."
[...]

Authorities said Corcran was speeding home for dinner at 113 mph and not on an emergency call when his Nevada Highway Patrol cruiser slammed into the back of a slow-moving Cadillac on Interstate 15 just south of Las Vegas.
[...]

What a fucking dickhead.

But wait! There's more:

Police officer exceeded 100 mph in fatal SR 347 crash

On the morning of Aug. 11, 2007, at about 7:17 a.m. Phoenix Police Officer Jonathan L. Stuart, 24, was driving his Pontiac sedan southbound on SR 347, when he lost control of the vehicle. His vehicle crossed the median, near milepost 178, and landed on top of a Jeep SUV going northbound. Mark J. Ream, 51, drove the Jeep. Stuart and Ream were both Maricopa residents.
Both men perished in the collision.

In a report recently released by the Gila River Police Department, it is estimated Stuart was driving in excess of 100 miles per hour. Witness accounts had indicated speeds from 90-100 mph, but calculations from evidence at the scene indicate a speed at collision of 110.74 mph.

The report also states that an officer had stopped Stuart the previous week for speeding.

Officer Stuart, who joined the PPD in November 2003, worked at the Squaw Peak station near 24th Street and Lincoln Drive in northwest Phoenix.

"Protect and Serve". Yup.



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Ted Nugent Would Be So Proud

NYC man charged in bow-and-arrow mishap
AP - Tue Jun 5, 6:05 PM ET

NEW YORK - A man celebrating his birthday with a bow and arrow in his apartment was charged with reckless endangerment after an errant shot shattered a window across the street, the district attorney's office said.
[...]

In case you're wondering about the title, 'The Nuge' - besides being pro-gun - is an avid bow hunter.

Nevertheless, see? It doesn't stop someone from being stupid just because you take away their right to own guns. They'll always find another way to be a potentially deadly jackoff.

Question is, how long before New York outlaws bows too? If they haven't already that is.



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Rocket Surgeons

Circumcision recommended to fight HIV

AP - Wed Mar 28, 5:54 PM ET Sent 225 times

GENEVA - U.N. health agencies recommended Wednesday that heterosexual men undergo circumcision because of "compelling" evidence that it can reduce their chances of contracting HIV by up to 60 percent.
[...]

Newsflash!

I have a couple other suggestions for you on how to reduce AIDS:

• Stop butt-fucking, and
• Put down the needle, dumbass

Yeah, I know. It's not just fags and junkies who get AIDS. However, they are the ones more likely to have it, and if one has it, shouldn't he refrain from passing it along?

Should not the pitcher keep his dick tucked in his shorts rather than kill someone?
Shouldn't the catcher refrain from sticking his ass in the air to take a load of death sentence?

And you! Mr. or Mrs. Junkie; you want it that bad that you've decided to kill yourself for it?
Evidently.

As far as third or fourth world countries go, they're doomed. Helpless and hopeless. The only way they're going to get rid of the disease is to keep passing it along until they've killed each other off.
Enlightenment? More money? Naw. That ain't going to work. Not as long as their governments keep intercepting both.




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You're Shitting Me, Right?

Black Voters Like Obama

No, really? I never would have guessed that.


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I Found Jesus!

Filmmaker shows Jesus "relics"

NEW YORK (Reuters) - "Titanic" director James Cameron presented on Monday what he said was evidence the tomb of Jesus had been uncovered, but some scholars dismissed it as a publicity stunt.

Uh, yeah. How convenient.

The two small caskets were part of 10 found in 1980 during construction in South Jerusalem.

Publicity stunt? Ya think?

Time for a DNA test. Now all he needs to do is find God and get a swab to compare.

All kidding aside, I thought tombs and pyramids and statues and idols and all that sort were built for wealthy rulers or other royal family. Last I knew, Jesus and his ilk were fairly dirt poor. What makes these clowns think they would be privy to such a residence as that?




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Spam Subject Of The Day

"An shasta is barette"

Yup. And an lawnmower is turnip.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Give me ur thoughts"

Okay, here's a thought for you: Go fuck yourself.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Message subject"

Sorta fucked that one up, didn't you?
The only thing worse than an idiot spammer is a bad idiot spammer.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Heartbreaking overcome"

Say what?



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"It potatoe-pie warmed up"

I was wondering what it was.



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The Result Are In [sic] And The Ax Is Swingin'

The ever so kind and gracious girls over at here like to review blogs, so I figgered I would let them review this one.

I would link the actual post, but their shit doesn't seem to work right, or allow you to do that. So just go there and scroll down if you want to read the full review.

Meh, fuck it. I'll post the whole review:

Curmudgeonisms

Up next for the slaughter is Curmudgeonisms

Oh Dave from Hooterville, Nevada. You old curmudgeon.

Or are you?

Curmudgeon: sourpuss, bad-tempered, difficult, cantankerous, bitter, full of resentment, stubborn.

I was having a hell of a time figuring out just who you are. Are you a 70-year old man who thought he'd start a blog because no one in his family listens to what he has to say? Or, are you a 17 year old smartass with severe acne and no girlfriend to call your own, so you started a blog?

Turns out, as I read further-- he's around 46-47 years old. (Born in 1960, so it could go either way.) Here's a typical rundown of his posts from the last few months (try and keep up):

One liner
You Tube
One Liner
Joke that someone forwarded to him
Google search results
One liner
Good post
Spam of the day
One liner
Another joke someone sent him
google search results
Spam of the day
You Tube
Fuck Off Friday

yeah, thats pretty much it. A couple commenters per post, but from the looks of it, its mostly all the same people. But with all those visitors, he feels the need to have not one-- but THREE sitemeters??-- what exactly are we tracking here?

Not much to report about the template. Grey background, not much color. But this blog maybe isn't supposed to be a personal blog, is it? It's not like he tells anything about his life, at least not from what I have seen. Mostly just random outbursts every so often when he feels like it. I guess if I had to picture an old curmudgeon, I suppose bird shit grey would be the first thing to come to mind, am I right?

Sidebar? - Here goes. Hold on to your panties, ladies. This is going to be a bumpy ride. It starts out half the time by opening way at the bottom of his page. Probably because its weighted the hell down by all the junk he's got in it. Here's a peek:

Click my logo to get Dave's Bar & Garage Gear
Moon phases (WTF? What are those?)
Visitor map - Yes, i can see the red dot placed strategically where I am from!
Daily Day by Day
some cartoon shit
More ads
Links
All kinds of other wacky shit

Archives are a mess - again, blogging since November 2004, and again, another blog that feels the need to list every single fucking month on his sidebar. What's worse, he has them listed as "01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007" instead of just saying "JANUARY 2007." Puh-leeze.

His "Blogs Worth a Read" include about a gazillion blogs, and some pretty damn good ones. You might actually find some worth reading on a regular basis. But the list goes on and on, with no fucking end in sight. At least have it scrolling, or something so it takes up less space if you don't want to roll it up or hide it altogether.

The home page includes about 40+ posts-- all on the first page! I actually stopped counting at 45, so I could be wrong-- maybe there's MORE. Is that why this guy has a sidebar so fucking long? He wants it to be the same length as his posts?

Would I Return? Um, no. Probably not. Most of the jokes he posts are ones I've had forwarded to me a million times already by fuckwads that have nothing better to do than sit their fat-ass in front of their computer and forward shit. And the only thing he's writing himself is usually only one or two sentences per post. Everything else is copied from somewhere else.

(edited to add: hardy-fucking-har, before all of you haters blast me with comments about THAT comment, I'll go ahead and say it myself, to save you all some time. "Isn't that the fucking pot calling the kettle black?" Dur-hur-hur, really, you guys are hilarious.)

I was going to give this one a rating of 2, but I was feeling nice. So I'm adding a bonus for his disclaimer at the bottom of his site, which made me literally snort with laughter when I read it. So much so, that I think I killed the last few brain cells I have allocated for this week.

Here's his disclaimer:


All opinions expressed on this weblog are those of the author.
The author's opinions do not represent those of his employers, friends, or relations, unless posted by them personally.
Presentation of content never will imply endorsement unless specifically stated as such.
All contents copyright ME ("curmudgeon") 2004-2005, all rights reserved everywhere, with the exception of original material not created by me which is copyrighted and property of the author.
Void where prohibited.
Batteries not included.
Use only as directed.
Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment.
This is neither an offer to sell nor an offer to buy.
Apply only to affected area.
May be too intense for some viewers.
For recreational use only.
If condition persists, consult your physician.
Subject to change without notice.
Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement.
For off-road use only.
One size fits all.
Colors may, in time, fade.

...there's more. Go check it out for yourself. It's actually good!

So, I'll go ahead and give this a 3 out of 10.

Thanks for letting us review your blog.

BWAH!!! They hate me! Or rather, my blog.
I feel so, so, inferior. So hurt. So sloppy with all my extra 'rolls, dates, site meters, useless shit, forwarded emails, mundane posts, ...
You name it. If it sucks, it's here. But that's always sorta been my mantra: "If it sucks, post it!"

So you all keep coming back, why exactly? Thanks anyway ;) .

So yeah, I know. I settle for some of the default blooogger settings instead of making my template all purdy'd up and classy.

I don't spend money on my own host or pay someone to do art and templates for me. I'm a cheap bastard that way.
And I really ain't interested in making my own art and templates. I'm a lazy bastard that way.

I list the dates for MY OWN sake, so I can go find something when I want it. No one reads archives anyway, so feel free to ignore the looooooooooooooong list of dates.

I have three site meters because, well, I was testing a few different ones and neglected to get rid of the ones I don't like. Which incidentally, I don't even use. I actually prefer Analytics.

But whatever. I think they gave their honest review. Not that their opinion really matters any more than any other blogger who gives me their opinion.

If I was trying for a Pulitzer or something, I may be insulted. But as it is, I'm in it for the entertainment value. If I happen to entertain a passer-by, so much the better.
If not, feel free to leave and never come back.

Just don't expect any real content, and you won't be disappointed. Deal? Deal.


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Oopsy-Daisy

Boy killed when car hits Ill. school

SHILOH, Ill. - A car plowed through the wall of an elementary school cafeteria during lunch Monday, killing an 8-year-old boy and injuring two other students and the 84-year-old driver, police in this St. Louis suburb said.
[...]

Uh, let me guess. Gas pedal instead of brake?

Look. If you aren't able to drive, then get out of the car.



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More U.N. Idiocy

U.S. seems to rule out "timeout" between Iran, West

[...]
Mohamed ElBaradei, director-general of the Vienna-based International Atomic Energy Agency, has proposed a "timeout" in the confrontation between Tehran and the U.N. Security Council under which Iranian nuclear work and U.N. sanctions on Tehran would be simultaneously suspended.
[...]

A "timeout"?
A fucking "timeout"? They're kidding, right?
The reach of of the mamby-pamby liberal lefties ... a fucking "timeout"?

Grow the fuck up here. These aren't kids talking in class for gawd's sake. These are people bent on annihilating anyone who doesn't hold the same beliefs ... A fucking "timeout"?



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