"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Stupid Fuck

Allentown man leaves to avoid jeers for suing boy skier -- themorningcall.com:

DENVER | - People upset over an Allentown man who sued an 8-year-old boy and his father over a ski collision have subjected him and his wife to ''an electronic tar and feathering,'' their lawyer said.

David Pfahler and Marlene Ambrogio left their West End Allentown home for the holidays because angry people tied up their phone lines with repeated, automated calls since news reports of the lawsuit, attorney Jim Chalat said Monday.

Some sent angry e-mails and calls to Chalat's Denver law firm, while others called Reader's Digest, where Pfahler works, and demanded he be fired, the Rocky Mountain News reported.
[...]
I think this story is a hoot! Does this make you feel better there asshole? Big man, eh?
Look. You go skiing and accidents happen.

But on the other hand, who needs health insurance when you have a good lawyer? Why pay your hospital bills or turn them in to your insurance? Just sue everyone to get them paid.

Next thing you know, people will be suing their co-workers for bringing the flu to work and passing it around.





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Spam Subject Of The Day

"shoot craps"
After that dinner last night, you're exactly right.




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Thursday, December 27, 2007

Hilary '08!!!

No, not the one you're thinking of (note - only one 'L'). Get real.

I'm talking about this one:



I can't help it. That t-shirt gave me a chuckle.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Top 20 Stories Of 2007

Posted by John Hawkins over at Right Wing News


20) Anna Nicole Smith dies and no one can figure out who the father of her child is because she apparently slept with 1 out of every 10 adult males on the planet earth within 3 months of when her kid was conceived.

19) Larry Craig's "wide stance" got him into trouble in an airport bathroom.

18) Liberals rally for the right of black thugs to beat a white student unconscious with impunity in the Jena Six case.

17) Venezuela's commie strong man, Hugo Chavez, narrowly lost a rigged election that would have allowed him to become dictator for life. Look for liberals everywhere to point to that election as proof that he's honest when he narrowly engineers a victory in the next rigged election.

16) Scooter Libby had his sentence commuted by George Bush and when it's quiet, some say you can still hear the liberal screams of agony echoing in the distance from that night.

15) Al Gore received a Nobel Peace Prize, bizarrely, for spreading alarmist propaganda about global warming. That's a strong indication that either no one is doing much to promote peace these days or that Al Gore had pictures of all the judges partying a little too hard with Osama Bin Laden's old girlfriend, Bessie the goat.

14) All across America, people slammed their heads against the walls in frustration over a presidential political cycle that featured 15 plus candidates, none of whom they liked, starting to fight it out in January of 2007. When exactly did politics become a perpetual campaign and actual governance an issue of secondary importance?

13) One day, the French were cheese-eating surrender monkeys and then the next day, after Nicolas Sarkozy was elected -- well, they were still cheese-eating surrender monkeys, but we liked him enough to pretend not to notice.

12) Pervez Musharraf may be a son of a b*tch, but he's our son-of-a-b*tch. Unfortunately, our son-of-a-b*tch is barely keeping Pakistan under control because those radical Islamist and Al-Qaeda sons-of-a-b*tches are causing trouble. Dictators, terrorists, and nuclear weapons! Oh my!

11) It would be tempting to move the California wildfires higher up the list except that these massive fires now seem to occur there every 2 or 3 years. Let's hope California has better luck over the next few years with these fires than they've had in recent years.

10) The whole embryonic stem cells vs. adult cells argument has become a moot point because scientific advances have now allowed adult stem cells to become as elastic as embryonic stem cells. On the upside, this means we can use stem cells without needing to destroy embryos. On the downside, for the Democrats at least, they won't get to run any Michael J. Fox embryonic stem cells commercials in next year's election.

9) In 2006, Americans were sick of the Republicans and so they handed over control of Congress to the Democrats, whom, as it turns out, they hated even more. Now, Congressional approval ratings have dropped to all-time lows and the Democrats are working overtime to set a record for unpopularity that may never again be matched in American history.

8) The Va. Tech massacre was notable not just because of the shocking number of people who were killed by deranged loner Cho Seung-Hui, but because for the first time, it sparked more calls to put an end to gun free zones than it did calls for gun control.

7) Tony Blair, a staunch friend of America and the third greatest European leader over the last hundred years, behind Churchill and Thatcher, finally ended his career as Prime Minister. When historians look back and try to figure out the official end date of America and Britain's "special friendship," that will likely be where they point.

6) The American people came to the conclusion that the "grand compromise" on immigration that the Democrats and Republicans settled on wasn't so "grand" after all. In fact, Americans spoke out against amnesty so vociferously that they literally broke the Capitol Hill switchboard on the day of the final vote. As a result, the amnesty bill went down to defeat and perhaps more importantly, many of the same politicians who were deriding Americans opposed to the bill as nativists and xenophobes, have now adopted the positions of the "nativists" and "xenophobes," as their own.

5) Most people seem to be highly dubious, with good reason, of the NIE report, which declared that Iran stopped working on their nuclear weapons back in 2003. However, whether people are skeptical of it or not, it essentially took bombing Iran off the table until the end of the Bush presidency.

4) Russian novelist Fyodor Dostoevsky once wrote, "In the end they will lay their freedom at our feet and say to us, 'Make us your slaves, but feed us.'" That has now been played out in Russia, where the people have gone from being free men to willing slaves under the iron boot of Vladimir Putin, their new dictator for life.

3) The bad news is that China spent 2007 pouring various poisoned products into the US. The good news is that less than 1 out of every 100 products produced in China will kill you, your children, or your pets. That's China's pledge of quality to you!

2) Everyone is trying to figure out exactly who's to blame for the subprime mortgage crisis. Is it Congress? Is it the banks? Is it Bush? How about the people who got loans on houses that were way too expensive for them to afford -- oh, and the banks, too. I mean, come on, they should have known better than to lend money to those people.

1) To the dismay of many liberals, members of the mainstream press, and Democrats in Congress, our troops and David Petraeus -- or as they refer to him, General Betray-us -- have done a brilliant job of making the surge work in Iraq. The violence in that country has plunged, Al-Quaeda has been slaughtered, and it looks more likely each day that we're going to be able to pull our troops out and let the Iraqis take over without having the whole country collapse into chaos. Time will tell if the Iraqis can pull it off, but because of the success of the surge, we can say that we've done our part and then some to give them a fighting chance.




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Spam Subject Of The Day

"russian roulette video"
Uh, no thanks. I saw "The Deerhunter".

Great movie by the way. You should watch it. Now fuck off.



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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Quotes Of The Day

"America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."
-- Abraham Lincoln

Libtards? Inexhaustably Politically Correct? Yup. A nation of do-gooders and candy asses are going to ruin it for anyone else who has balls if things continue down that path.

"Only Americans can hurt America." - Copy to Clipboard
-- Dwight Eisenhower

Let's just assimilate everyone who sneaks into the country. Make them Americans so they can take over the country from the inside.

I may sound paranoid, but America isn't being attacked from the outside as of now. However, we are being attacked from the inside with illegal immigration, wimps, and the bong sucking, granola munching, "can't we all get along" crowd. A shot may never be fired.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Merry Christmas - Final Installment Of A Christmas Related Series for 2007

So now that Christmas is over, the fat man has come and gone, I hope you all had a great Christmas. And thanks for all the well wishes.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"haasje-o"
Uh, klasjdfhkljsa asjkdhaksefncvldk sdlfjlkgd



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Friday, December 21, 2007

Merry Christmas - Installment #4 Of A Christmas Related Series for 2007

There's a very good chance this will be my last post until after Christmas, so to that end, Merry Christmas to you all, and best wishes to you and yours.






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Spam Subject Of The Day

"the longest dic'k is the shortest way to a woman's heart !"
And here all along I thought it was jewelry. I could have saved a bunch of money.




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Thursday, December 20, 2007

Interesting

Descendants of Sitting Bull, Crazy Horse break away from US

Thu Dec 20, 9:22 AM ET

WASHINGTON (AFP) - The Lakota Indians, who gave the world legendary warriors Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse, have withdrawn from treaties with the United States, leaders said Wednesday.

"We are no longer citizens of the United States of America and all those who live in the five-state area that encompasses our country are free to join us," long-time Indian rights activist Russell Means told a handful of reporters and a delegation from the Bolivian embassy, gathered in a church in a run-down neighborhood of Washington for a news conference.
[...]

The new country would issue its own passports and driving licences, and living there would be tax-free -- provided residents renounce their US citizenship, Means said.
[...]
Fine with me. Most don't do anything for the country anyway except maybe give people a place to gamble or buy tax-free cigarettes.

Hey! Do you Lakotas need any landscapers? There are plenty of Mexicans running around who don't want to be citizens either. Maybe they can share some space on your reservation.



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Oh, Really?

Teens charged in 'Mortal Kombat' death
AP - Thu Dec 20, 12:03 AM ET

JOHNSTOWN, Colo. - Two teens have been charged with killing the 7-year-old sister of one of them by beating her with imitations of moves from the "Mortal Kombat" video game, prosecutors said.
[...]
Anyone who thinks violent video games or movies have any effect on people's behavior is a fucking idiot.

Or is it that these kids were a bit psychotic to begin with?



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Merry Christmas - Installment #3 Of A Christmas Related Series for 2007

Just in time for Christmas, here are some new books for that special someone on you list:


















































I'm sure those can all be picked up in your local bookstore.

I hope that was helpful.




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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Hugs from me"
Oh goody. Now fuck off.




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Wednesday, December 19, 2007

As I Take Time To Pen A Haiku During A Break From Debugging An Application

What the hell is this?
I don't get what's going on here,
This shit is fucked up.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"From: CitiBank
Subject: Confirm Your Data."
Look you stupid fuck. I have confirmed my account several times with all you assholes and you keep wanting me to confirm it again. If you can't keep track of the shit, then fuck off.



[kidding]


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Tuesday, December 18, 2007

My Sentiments Exactly



Not to mention the cutesy little 'l33t' shit on the front of them.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MeMeMeMeMeMeMe...Me...MeMe...

So I keep getting these things in emails and shit, about how you're supposed to "Name ___ things about yourself, then forward this on to ___ people so they can name ___ things about themselves and..."

Well, I'm just going to put this out there for everyone to see. You wanna know some secrets about me, all you gotta do is read this:
  1. I have never ridden an emu
  2. I have never been launched into space
  3. I have never bet money on a bowling tournament
  4. I am not a lesbian
  5. I have never tasted escargot, caviar, or frog legs
  6. I have not, nor will I ever watch an episode of Idol Survivor Stars or whatever the fuck those dumb-ass wanna-be reality shows call themselves
  7. I have never played in a major league baseball game
  8. My favorite color is not green, pink or orange
  9. I am taller than 3' 6"
  10. It is a safe bet that none of the above scenarios will ever change, with the exception of me never having tasted frog legs. Those I intend to try sometime.

There you have it. Now here's a laugh:







~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Really Now?

We all know Hitlary is a conniving, cheating, lying, two-faced bitch who doesn't deserve to live. And why anyone takes her serious as a potential leader of the greatest nation on earth is just beyond me.

But the most obvious question still resounding question in the back of my head is this: Do we really want to put a woman in the White House? Especially, this one?





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Merry Christmas - Installment #2 Of A Christmas Related Series for 2007

Jingle-bang! Santa's chopper shot up over Rio slum
Reuters - 2 hours, 33 minutes ago

RIO DE JANEIRO (Reuters) - Not even Santa Claus is safe as the violent Brazilian city of Rio de Janeiro celebrates the Christmas season.
[...]
Good gawd. What sort of Grinch would do that?

Santa ain't even safe any more.




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Spam Subject Of The Day

"We promiss that we can get you laid"
Yeah, my wedding ring was supposed to promise that too.




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Monday, December 17, 2007

Bummer

Singer Dan Fogelberg, 56, dies of cancer
AP - Mon Dec 17, 7:20 AM ET Sent 525 times

NEW YORK - Dan Fogelberg, the singer and songwriter whose hits "Leader of the Band" and "Same Old Lang Syne" helped define the soft-rock era, died Sunday at his home in Maine after battling prostate cancer. He was 56.
[...]
I really like his music, although he hasn't put out anything noteworthy for a spell.

He was a good storyteller.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Grow an anaconda out of your trouser snake!"
There sure are a lot of people concerned with the size of my dick...




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Friday, December 14, 2007

How To Get What You Want For Christmas

Careful, there are exposed sections of anatomy:

[+/-] show/hide picture





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Spam Subject Of The Day

"want to have fans lusting after you don't cover your weenie"
Don't cover my weenie? People go to jail for that you know.




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Thursday, December 13, 2007

BWAH!

Not sure exactly why, but this little animation made me think of all the commercials on teevee by political candidates:

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket



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Ask The Curmudgeon

DEAR CURMUDGEON: I met and married the man of my dreams four years ago. Both of us were in our 40s, and obviously we each had a past. I was honest about mine; he said he just didn't remember things. After we married he remembered a few things . . . such as having sex with two women at the same time. I told him I found that disgusting. When he saw how shocked I was, he didn't tell me anything else.

Because he had a child from a previous relationship, his ex would call to talk about "Susie," and the conversation invariably turned to when they were together. She informed me that he'd had sex with her and some of her friends at the same time. When I confronted him, he fessed up. I asked if I knew any of the other girls. He stated no.

A few years passed and we ran into a guy he pretended not to remember. Come to find out not only was this guy involved in some of the "group activities," but he was also one of his good friends. He promised he would never lie to me again.

Just last week I was informed that a friend was moving next door with his girlfriend. I asked my husband if he knew the girl. He stated no. Come to find out she was a girl who was part of the "group."

What am I to do? He says he just wants to forget about these episodes, that they keep getting brought up and it's not fair to him. Well, excuse me, but I am the one being lied to and I am the one not wanting to be put in situations where I am in a roomful of people who've all had sex with my husband.

I don't think I can get past it. I believe a person's sexual preference does not change. Am I wrong?

--- HAUNTED BY HIS PAST
Didn't remember? BWAHHAHAH!!! That's a hoot! Didn't remember. Now I don't care who y'are, tha's funny.

Believe me I would remember a threesome (or more) no matter how fucked up I was. I mean, gee whiz. Boinking on several wimmen at once? That's like every young guys dream come ... uh, I'm not helping much am I.

So he was out porking other wimmen years ago. Big fucking deal. What sort of prude are you anyway? He did it before you married his ass, right? Good gawd. I fucked other wimmen before I got married to Mrs Curmudgeon. That's life. People should be more worried about their spouse not fucking other people before getting hitched. Chances are they have other issues.

And obviously, the dude and his girlfriend moving next door says it all. They both want to crawl in the sack with you and hubby. Fucking DUH!!!
Just take some pictures and send them to me. All will be well. I can sell them and make some money, and even give you a cut if you like.



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Score One For The Good Guys

Green Bay council president provokes atheists with nativity scene

GREEN BAY, Wis. (AP) -- The Green Bay City Council president paid for a nativity scene to be put up at City Hall after learning of an anti-religion group's protest of one in Peshtigo.
[...]
Good for them. Christmas is about well, the nativity. If you don't want to celebrate Christmas, then don't.

And if you're offended by because someone else does, fuck you. Whiney fuck.





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Quote Of The Day

"There's nothing quite like telling adolescent girls that they don't need to worry about finances since they have their very own moneypot between their legs,"


Made by Jessica Valenti, the executive editor of Feministing.com, in this news piece.

Yeah, they'll learn fast enough as it is.

Fucking BWAH!!!




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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Flush your Colon and drop 20 pounds"
At least.




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Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Speaking Of Libtard Media

You remember those shootings at the mall last week, right? How about the Virginia Tech shootings? Columbine? All idiots who wanted to do themselves in anyway, but still ended up taking innocent people with them.

Guns are of course, banned at all those locations, so 'sane' people who would possibly carry a gun around legally aren't supposed to have them in any of those places.

Well, unlike those, the shootings that took place at the mall in Salt Lake City and the churches in Colorado were stopped - or at least the killing limited by people who [GASP!!!] themselves were armed.

WHAT!!?!?!?!?
Those people were carrying G-U-N-S you say?!?!

Why yes, yes they were!

In the Colorado incident, an armed security guard was on duty at the church. (Sad armed guards need to be in a church, but that's for another day).
In the Salt Lake mall shooting, the killer was stopped by an off duty police officer who went against the grain and carried his weapon inside the mall.

Why that evil, gun-toting bastard!!!


He exchanged shots with the fucker and kept him entertained until more cops showed up.

So I guess my point is that these were armed citizens who happened to be in the right place at the right time. And they weren't on a phone calling 9-1-1, they were busy saving lives with their guns.

Funny how that point isn't made in the media.


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'Nuther Phunny

Well, not too funny really:






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From The "No Shit!" Files

Energy source of northern lights found

AP - Tue Dec 11, 6:21 PM ET Sent 2,333 times

SAN FRANCISCO - Scientists think they have discovered the energy source of the spectacular color displays seen in the northern lights. New data from NASA's Themis mission, a quintet of satellites launched this winter, found the energy comes from a stream of charged particles from the sun flowing like a current through twisted bundles of magnetic fields connecting Earth's upper atmosphere to the sun.
[...]
Haven't we known this for, oh, I dunno. The last hundred years or so?



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Funny

A crusty old biker, on a summer ride in the country, walks into tavern and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $2.50
HAND JOB: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive women serving drinks to a meager looking group of farmers.

"Yes," she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the biker, "are you the young lady who Gives the hand-jobs?"

"Yes," she purrs, "I am."

The old biker replies, "Well wash your hands really good, I want a cheeseburger."





Thanks Jean


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Tongue electricity"
Hmmm. Sounds rather painful.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Good For You New Jersy

When the news if full of headlines like these:
Jailed rapist confesses to killing 9
...

Closings at NY slave-labor trial
Two Indonesian housekeepers were subjected to "a cruel form of torture,
...

Colo. gunman may have warned of attacks
Authorities believe the man who killed four people at a church and missionary training center
...

4 men get life terms in 1979 Mich. death
Four men were sentenced Monday to spend the rest of their lives in prison for kidnapping, raping and murdering a young hotel clerk in 1979.
...

Sears Tower terror jury told to work on
Jurors said Monday they were still deadlocked in the trial of seven men accused of plotting with al-Qaida to blow up Chicago's Sears Tower and bomb FBI offices
...

Trucker to change plea in Mass. attack
A trucker from North Carolina who had pleaded not guilty to breaking into a house intending to rape and kill a 15-year-old girl
...
Your lawmakers are busy with this:
N.J. Senate moves to ban death penalty
But then, why should us mere mortals decides who should live or die, right?

Evidently, bad guys think differently.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Because they're there"
Oh.




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Monday, December 10, 2007

Spam Subject Of The Day

"ElephantinPenisRodrigo"
Just what my woman needs. An elephant dick.




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Friday, December 07, 2007

Another Funny

Cops: Substitute Drunk While Teaching 4th Graders

Retired Woman, 54, Was So Intoxicated She Fell In The Classroom, Had To Be Hospitalized

MANALAPAN, N.J. (CBS) ― A Manalapan substitute teacher was taught a valuable lesson after she was found drinking and intoxicated while teaching fourth grade students.
[...]
Good gawd. Can you blame her?

Oh well. Maybe it's time to retire.



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Ask The Curmudgeon

Get Out of the Closet and Out of the Town

Fri Dec 7, 2:00 AM ET

DEAR CURMUDGEON: I'm a 27-year-old gay Afro American male, and I'm not out to my family or friends because I will lose all of them. They are church folks and think all gays are gonna burn in hell. I love them from the bottom of my heart, but I'm in so much pain and turmoil. I don't want to hurt them, but I have to be me. I knew I was gay early --since first grade -- but my whole circle of family and friends always bashed gays so I grew up hating myself.

Now I'm kinda cool with being gay, but my loved ones still feel the same. I want to move out of the city I live in to finally be with a guy I have feelings for. Should I move to a different city so they won't be shamed by my lifestyle? Plus, I really want to be out and, most of all, happy.

--- AFRO AMERICAN AND GAY
Well now, AFRO-FAG. When I said 'Get Out of the Closet and Out of the Town', what I really meant was, just get out of town. Move to San Fran or Key West. Somewhere where you can go and uninhibitedly suck all the cock you want or stick your dick up any asshole you please. Just don't stick around your town. They obviously don't need sperm-burpers in that neck of the woods.

Harsh? Maybe. But faggotry is wrong. If people were supposed to go chase people of the same gender, men and women wouldn't have been made differently.

As a second option, you could go see a shrink and get cured from your ailment.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I Don't Care Who Ya Are. Tha's Funny

Grocery store goofs with Hanukkah ham ad

23 minutes ago

NEW YORK - This was REALLY not kosher.

A grocery store in Manhattan made a food faux pas, advertising hams as "Delicious for Chanukah."
[...]


BWAH!!!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What A Pussy

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Once again there has been a mass shooting in the United States, this time in a Nebraska shopping mall. Once again there is no national outcry for gun control.
[...]
Good gawd. He sounds like he's almost ready to cry there.
That's right whiney bitch. Throw your arms up in disgust, and whine that gun laws probably won't change because one crazy and depressed idiot decided to take it upon himself to kill a bunch of innocent by-standers, then himself.
"Besides," [Ron Marsico, chairman of the state House Judiciary Committee and a Republican.] said, "no law may have prevented the Omaha tragedy."
[...]
Exactly. You can make all the laws you want, but just remember this: bad guys break laws. Bad guys include criminals, psychos, morons, ... anyone who doesn't obey laws.
It is illegal to kill someone. Whether you use a gun, a knife, poison or a baseball bat. If someone wants to kill someone, they'll do it.

Would a law saying it's illegal to pack a knife into the mall have prevented this asshole from running around slitting people's throats any more than a law saying it's illegal to pack a gun would have prevented him from shooting them?

Get real.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Jessica: (laughs) if aDick is very little, I'm like "Eeeeuuu...""
And I'm sure you have plenty of experience.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thursday, December 06, 2007

BWAH! [snort]

This gave me a chuckle:




What brought that up you say? Oh, this story:
Atheist Looks to Remove 'Under God' From Pledge of Allegiance, Currency.

The whiney bitch is at it again.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From The "Get A Life" Department

Moonstruck flock to Arizona light collector

By Tim Gaynor Wed Dec 5, 9:12 AM ET

THREE POINTS, Arizona (Reuters) - Financial advisor Jaron Ness stands in the cool desert air waiting for the clouds to clear and the moon to rise.

As the conditions come into alignment, he steps into the path of a cool blaze of blue-white light bounced off a wall of highly polished parabolic mirrors five stories high.

"It feels magnetic," he says, turning his hands slowly in the reflected glow of the light from the almost full moon.

The young professional from Colorado is among a growing number of curious people beating a path to this patch of scrub-strewn land out in the Arizona desert to bask in light from the world's first moonbeam collector.
[...]
Yeah, right. You need to ease up on the wacky tabaccy there "Sunflower", "Rainbow", or whatever your parents called you as they sat around the coffee table in their bean-bag chairs listening to Zeppelin while sipping bong water and munching granola.

You may have convinced yourself that standing in front of a big mirror is therapeutic, but I'm guessing it has about as much effect on your physiology as Jupiter aligning with the seventh cusp of a Mars eclipse during the Saturnian tidal wave of Aquarius rising.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Guess That Didn't Work

First rise in U.S. teen births since '91

By MIKE STOBBE, AP Medical Writer Wed Dec 5, 6:42 PM ET

ATLANTA - In a troubling reversal, the nation's teen birth rate rose for the first time in 15 years, surprising government health officials and reviving the bitter debate about abstinence-only sex education.

The birth rate had been dropping since its peak in 1991, although the decline had slowed in recent years. On Wednesday, government statisticians said it rose 3 percent from 2005 to 2006.
[...]
You want my opinion on the matter? I thought so.

Here's the deal. Teens - just like most everyone else - like to fuck. When you go handing out rubbers for free along with the "don't ask don't tell" or "we can't contact your parents when you want an abortion", you in essence teach them it's okay to fuck. Simple as that. The may or may not user a rubber. And chances are, if they think it's okay to fuck and they don't have a rubber handy, well they're going to go ahead and fuck.

You want them to behave themselves, you are going to have to teach them properly, and set good examples. Kids learn by example. And if the only example is the shit currently on teevee and in the movies, that's what they learn.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fucking Morons

Nine dead in Nebraska mall shooting

Thu Dec 6, 12:05 AM ET

OMAHA, Nebraska (Reuters) - A 19-year-old man killed eight people and then himself with an assault rifle at a busy mall in Omaha on Wednesday, sending terrified workers and Christmas shoppers scrambling for cover.
[...]
Uh, okay. The asshole deserved to die. Too bad he took others with his loony ass.

But of course, leave it to the media to throw "assault rifle" in the story. Fucked up Roto-Reuters probably don't even know what sort of weapon he was using. For all they know, the dude may have been packing a shotgun.
They still try to paint the picture of Rambo with an M-16 to promote their need to ban all guns though.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Fuer den Fruehling prima geeignet"
ACHTUNG!!! Sprechen sie espanol, s'il vous plaît?



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Attention Cat Lovers




BWAH!!!


If embedded video don't work, click here.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh, Darn

Rapper Pimp C dead at 33
AP - 1 hour, 56 minutes ago

LOS ANGELES - Pimp C, who spun searing tales of Texas street life into a key role in the rise of Southern hip-hop, was found dead in an upscale hotel on Tuesday. He was 33.
[...]
All I can say, is good. Another useless fucking rapper is out of the picture.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cover Your Ass [Pun?]

Catholic comic books warn kids of abuse
AP - Wed Dec 5, 6:58 AM ET

NEW YORK - The Archdiocese of New York is handing out coloring and comic books that warn children about sex predators, the first such effort by a Roman Catholic diocese in the United States.
[...]
So000, they can't control their priests. The priests can't control themselves. So they make it the kids' responsibility to not get butt-fucked.

Nice.





Full 'picture' here.


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On The Job Training

Democratic fundraiser Hsu indicted in NY
AP - Wed Dec 5, 5:49 AM ET

NEW YORK - Top Democratic fundraiser Norman Hsu swindled investors out of millions of dollars and made illegal donations to the political campaigns of congressional and presidential candidates, including Hillary Clinton, prosecutors said.
[...]
As a democrat, he was just doing what he did best.

Too bad more dems don't get fired or removed for doing the same thing to the public.



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Score One For The Good Guys

Romney fires landscapers for illegal immigrants

Tue Dec 4, 6:34 PM ET

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney on Tuesday fired a landscaping company for using illegal immigrants to work on his lawn, a week after a tussle with rival Rudy Giuliani over the issue.
[...]
Good for him. I'm glad he's owning up to the shit and canning their asses.

But good luck finding a landscaping company that don't hire illegals, there Mitt.


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Good day"
Yeah, same to you. Now fuck off.




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Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Merry Christmas - Installment #1 Of A Christmas Related Series for 2007

Shopping Tips for Men

Again, ladies, sorry to appear sexist, but you clearly know your way around a mall. We men don't.

So, guys, completely free of charge, my tips to help you through the rush:

Tip 1: Don't buy anything on sale

Your wife or girlfriend will know you got it on sale and assume you don't find her worth paying full price.

Tip 2: Don't be offended women buy on sale

Don't be offended this rule doesn't work in reverse. Women will get your gift on sale, because they don't find you worth paying full price. Get over it.

Tip 3: Don't buy lingerie

I know that sounds crazy. But while even the most romantic woman might find it sexy, she's more inclined to think you're a pervert. And you're selfish. After all, this isn't for her. It's for you. And you're a pig, which you are, but again, why bother confirming you're a pig and a selfish one at that?

Tip 4: Avoid anything with the label "As Seen on TV"

We love that stuff. They don't.

Tip 5: Avoid meat and cheese products

Even women who like meat and cheese products, and sadly that's not many, hate it when you think food is a way to their hearts. It's the other way around, Sparky. Men are that way. Not women.

Tip 6: Don't make your gift

Unless you're Bob the builder, you'll screw it up and she'll just think you're too cheap to buy her something yourself. Besides, making things worked for Michael Landon on "Little House on the Prairie," news flash: you're no Michael Landon. Again, get over it.

Tip 7: If all else fails, diamonds

They're the bomb. Women love them. And in any form, earrings, necklaces, pendants. Be careful with rings though.

Because the diamond thing can backfire, if you're buying a girlfriend something with diamonds but it isn't a ring, and maybe she was hoping to get a ring, and you get her a stupid pendant.

Trust me, she will stick that pendant in you.

So don't go there, you'd have been better off carving a hand-made cabinet loaded with meat and cheese products than committing that faux pas.

But again, in most all other cases, and for almost all married men, diamonds can't fail.

But I digress. Happy shopping, guys. And Merry Christmas.





Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


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Oh, The Memories

This post is just a random memory I thought of this morning. I'm not sure what triggered it, but I did chuckle a bit when I did remember it.

Sit back, pour yourself a cup of something, and read on. Or not.

Back in the old days, when I was 15 years old, my family moved from one small town in one state to another small town in a different state. Of course, I was pissed. Being uprooted and all, having to leave my friends and move to a strange town with strangers living in it, but that's the thing about small towns. You acclimate quickly. I soon met new friends, and life began again.

I also met new enemies.

In this town lived the Brunsons. The parents, two sons, and two daughters. They lived on a small ranch where they raised horses and whatever else, more as a hobby than a livelihood. The dad had a job to support the family and supplement the ranch.

The sons were a year or two older than me, one of the daughters my age, and one daughter a couple years younger. And before you ask, the daughter my age was okay looking with a knockout shape, cheerleader, friendly, peppy, all those requirements for the cheerleader sort. The only exception to the rule is that she was also a brain.
The younger daughter was - well, she was a hottie. Veeeerrrrrry cute and shapely. In fact, I dated her a couple times. But she wasn't really my type. Just didn't click. So I found someone else.
As for the sons looks, dunno. Don't care. I ain't into guys or what they look like. All I know is that they were assholes. They were pretty much our neighborhood bullies. Since it was a small town, the whole town was basically a neighborhood.

So anyway, like I said, they were bullies. The only people who liked them were their own damn selves and maybe their parents. I learned to dislike them in a hurry. They rubbed me the wrong way as soon as I 'met' them, and soon learned just what pricks they were. I'll define 'met' momentarily.

The main reason my family moved to that town was because of a job opportunity for my parents. My dad had lost his job, my mother never really worked, and an old acquaintance of my dad's asked him if he wanted to move to a new town and manage a convenience store he had just purchased. So the short story is that I ended up working at the convenience store, with my parents as the managers. I was cashier, stock boy, assistant manager, whatever else, on nights after school and on weekends, with a regular shift during the summer.

The Brunson boys would drive some old knocked out piece of shit pick-up (their dad's truck actually, until they finally bought their own car) around town. They would come to the store - which is where I met them - on a regular basis and buy goodies and sodas, always trying to get me to sell them smokes and beer. They were underage for both, and would get all bent when I wouldn't sell them their vices. So leave in a huff they did, only to return yet another day and try again.
Maybe what pissed them off the most was that I would sell contraband to underage kids I liked and trusted to not report me. After all, the underage people I sold the shit to were the same age as I was. I figgered I was old enough so they were too. :) Maybe that's why the law won't let minors sell booze and smokes to other minors?

Anyway, the Brunsons didn't like it when I turned them down. So I was soon on their shit list.
Now in a small town, being on a shit list is different than in a big town. You can avoid people in big towns. In small towns, you see the same people - or their associates - pretty much on a daily basis. There is only one school, one church, one post office, one everything.

Of course, by virtue of me being on their shit list, they were immediately on my shit list. I had friends too. These friends liked the Brunsons no more than I did and were willing to assist me in any way possible of ridding the town of the scourge that was the Brunsons. Since the Brunsons were much bigger and ornerier than we, we opted for the passive-aggressive approach to equalization.
If they were in a hurry to wash their car before a a date, sorry. The car wash (we also ran the only car wash in town) needed attention. It couldn't be used right now. Move along.
They wanted to buy something in particular from the store? Nope. We were out. Or it was time to count out the cash register at the end of the shift.

Now the convenience store we ran also had a small apartment attached to it where we lived. We would literally walk out of the kitchen, through the stockroom and into the store. Made it handy for taking lunch breaks and so on, but it was also unhandy, in that there were always cars coming and going.
The street out in front of the store sloped somewhat and the lot needed to be leveled, so the store and apartment had been built upon a fair amount of fill. This left about a four foot drop-off on one side of our parking lot, 15 feet or so from the front door of the apartment. No fence or anything, but a bit of a slope that could be driven down if you had decent clearance under your vehicle. Cars were too low, but trucks and motorcycles could ease off the edge and on to the other businesses if they wanted.
Some liked to drive through the gravel lot and off that drop-off, through what basically amounted to a sort of back alley. It wasn't really an alley but more of a dirt road running behind the businesses next to ours. But like I said, the front door of the apartment faced the hill and at times it was rather obnoxious having cars go back and forth there.

The Brunsons however, wouldn't ease off the edge. They like to take it about 25 or so, bouncing off the hill, kicking up dust and making a rather large racket whooping and hollering in a blaze of automotive glory. This really interrupted our quiet time in the apartment, and was quite annoying.
So my friends and I got this brilliant idea. We thought that if we rolled a few large rocks just over the edge of the hill, people going slow would see them and avoid them. People bounding over the edge wouldn't. Well, that worked like a charm. The first time the Brunsons went charging over the edge, oblivious to the rocks, there was all sorts of banging and clanging as their truck was beat to shit bouncing on rocks. Thereafter, the hill was taken at a slower speed or avoided altogether.

Of course, I denied any involvement, but I still got the evil eye every time they came in the store.

Anyway, the daughter I dated ended up marrying someone and moving out of town. The other daughter married someone local and ended up with seven (count 'em SEVEN) kids.
Don't know whatever happened to the Brunson boys though. They're probably dead or in jail somewhere.



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News You Never Hear About From The Libtard Media

Here. Allow me to highlight certain points of interest that may be omitted from your evening newscast:
Forty Qaeda leaders killed or caught in Iraq: U.S.

By Paul Tait 1 hour, 22 minutes ago

BAGHDAD (Reuters) - Forty senior al Qaeda in Iraq members were either captured or killed in November, including a senior adviser to the Sunni Islamist group's leader, the U.S. military said on Tuesday.

Violence levels in Iraq have fallen to their lowest levels since January 2006 after a security crackdown, which included a deployment of an extra 30,000 U.S. troops, targeting al Qaeda and Shi'ite militias across the country.

But while attacks have fallen by 55 percent since the additional troops were fully deployed in mid-June, allowing thousands of Iraqis who had fled abroad to return home, U.S. commanders say violence could easily flare again.

"There is no question that al Qaeda in Iraq remains a dangerous and vicious threat to the Iraqi people and to the security forces and the coalition forces," U.S. military spokesman Major-General Kevin Bergner told a news conference.

"Al Qaeda continues to try to seek spectacular attacks which were so damaging and which continue to be so damaging in inciting sectarian tensions ... we still have a tough fight ahead of us even amidst the progress," he said.

Bergner said one al Qaeda member killed last month had been identified as Abu Maysara, a Syrian he said was a senior adviser to al Qaeda in Iraq leader, Egyptian Abu Ayyub al-Masri.

He said Maysara was killed along with five other al Qaeda fighters in a raid on a building near Samarra, 100 km (60 miles) north of Baghdad on November 17.

"EXTREMIST GUIDANCE"

The six were killed when U.S. ground forces called in air strikes after coming under fire from the building. Bergner said Maysara had been identified by DNA tests.

"Abu Maysara was responsible for providing extremist guidance and justifications on terrorist matters to Abu al-Masri," Bergner said.

Maysara was captured in November 2004 but escaped from Iraq's Badush prison in March 2007.

He was an adviser to al Masri's predecessor Abu Musab al-Zarqawi in Falluja, west of Baghdad, where al Qaeda fought battles against U.S. forces in 2003 and 2004, Bergner said.

"He also ran an illegal court in Falluja that was responsible for the brutal murders of countless innocent Iraqis," he added.

Maysara usually signed off on al Qaeda in Iraq Web statements for Zarqawi, who was killed in a U.S. and Iraqi military raid in June 2006.

Bergner said Maysara was one of nine senior al Qaeda figures killed last month, with another 31 captured. Of those 40, four were described as senior level emirs and nine as cell leaders.

[...]

The current one-year mandate expires at the end of 2007. When the U.N. mandate ends in 2008, bilateral agreements will govern U.S.-Iraqi relations. The White House has said formal talks will begin early next year on the future relationship.

(Additional reporting by Dean Yates)
Fucking quagmire.

Bring them home. They do nothing. Nothing.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"I don't wanna grow up! I'm a Toys R us Kid.... "
Well, as a matter of fact...



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Monday, December 03, 2007

Oh, That's What They're Called




Yeah. Right. Vitamins.



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Sweet

Oh yes. Just what we need. More laws, more monitoring, more taxes, more garnishments:Edwards: Garnish Wages If Needed to Cover All
[...]

Under the Edwards plan, when Americans file their income taxes, they would be required to submit a letter from an insurance provider confirming coverage for themselves and their dependents.

If someone did not submit proof of coverage, the Internal Revenue Service would notify a newly established regional or state-based health-care agency (which Edwards has dubbed a Health Care Market).

Those regional agencies would then evaluate whether the uninsured individual was eligible for Medicare (which covers those over 65), Medicaid (which covers the indigent), or S-CHIP (the State Children's Health Insurance Program which targets the working poor).

If the individual was not eligible for either of those existing public programs, the regional-health care agency would enroll the individual into the lowest cost health-care plan available in that area. The lowest-cost option could be a new Medicare-like public option or a private insurance plan.

The newly covered individual would not only have access to health benefits but would also be responsible for making monthly payments with the help of a tax credit.

The exact size of the financial obligation would vary according to a person's income (lower-income Americans would receive larger tax credits).

If a person did not meet his or her monthly financial obligation for a set period of time (perhaps a year, perhaps longer) the Edwards plan would empower the federal government to garnish an individual's wages for purposes of collecting "back premiums with interest and collection costs."

The process, according to the Edwards campaign, would resemble the process used to collect money from Americans who are delinquent on federal student loans or child support payments.
Oooookaaaaay then. You will provide proof of insurance, or we will place you in a plan of our choosing, on which you will be required to make payments. If you fail to make the payments, we will garnish your wages and collect those payments just as if we were to garnish your wages for failing to pay your income tax.

Nice.

Where's a fucking sniper when you need one?

I think I'll move to Mexico and become a citizen. Then I'll sneak back across the border as an illegal to live here in the land of the free and the home of the brave.
That way, I won't have to worry about taxes, insurance, any of that shit. I'll just hang out and steal enough hubcaps to buy me some cervesas and tortillas. Let everyone else pay my real bills.




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A Sad Day

Evil Knievel dies at 69

November 30, 2007
BY THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

CLEARWATER, Fla. — Evel Knievel, the hard-living motorcycle daredevil whose jumps over Greyhound buses, live sharks and Idaho’s Snake River Canyon made him an international icon in the 1970s, died today. He was 69.
[...]
I can't believe he lived that long. He had more scars than brains, and more broken bones than rock stars have groupies.
But that dude was my friends and I's hero back in the day. He was the one who in my opinion, invented daredevils. We used to watch him do his shit on teevee holding our breath, just waiting to see him die. But he never did.
Of course, we would then go out and jump our bicycles over a brick or something and wonder how anyone could do what he did when we couldn't even fly more than 10" in the air.





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Gawddamn Golbal Warming™

Storm hits Northeast; death toll rises

AP - 19 minutes ago

ALBANY, N.Y. - Drivers in much of the Northeast navigated a treacherous mix of rain, sleet and snow Monday as a storm blamed for at least 14 deaths slid through the region after pounding the Upper Midwest.
[...]
Yup. Tell these northeasterners how much warmer it is now than it was 200 years ago.

We're all gonna die.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"want to have fans lusting after you don't cover your weenie "
Don't cover my weenie? People go to jail for that you know.




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Friday, November 30, 2007

A Novel Idea

Free Coffin Offered for 1st Holiday Drunk Driving Victim

A newspaper editor, whose family has dealt with deadly drunk driving accidents, is offering a coffin to the first person who dies this holiday season from a drunk driving accident.
[...]
Hmmm. Interesting.



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Ask The Curmudgeon

DEAR CURMUDGEON: About five years ago I met a North Carolina guy online. We became friends and have e-mailed and IM'd each other. We were just friends! However, about a month ago we started talking on the phone and really got to know each other. We have so much in common and he makes me laugh. I can't remember the last time my husband made me laugh like that. My husband knows we talk, but now it has gone further than that. Does phone sex count as cheating? We do it about once a week and it's fun. I don't have any plans to leave my husband, but if I ever did, it would be for my NC guy. Please help.

--- HAVING FUN, BUT FEELING A LITTLE GUILTY IN TEXAS
DEAR MS. TELE-FUN: What!?!? You're having sex with the phone? That is just disgusting. ;) Pictures? Can you send them to me?

But seriously now. What's wrong with a bit of hot chat? Not a fucking thing!

Big deal, you're talking dirty and he jacks off while you're fingering yourself. It ain't like you're meeting in the Denny's parking lot and fucking his brains out. Words are words. They ain't a stiff dick. So you ain't replacing your husband's dick with his.

By the way, what's your number?






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Yummy

Cops break door, nab alleged pizza thief

Thu Nov 29, 11:29 PM ET

EASTPOINTE, Mich. - Police used a battering ram to break down an apartment door and arrest a woman they say grabbed food from a pizza delivery man but failed to pay him.
[...]
Damn! That must have been some good pizza!




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Stupid Bitch

Cops: Mother killed 2 in store bathroom

Fri Nov 30, 12:03 AM ET

AUGUSTA, Ga. - A 22-year-old woman fatally stabbed her two young children in a convenience store bathroom Thursday, police said.

A worker at Food Mart told police she saw Jeanette Michelle Hawes enter the restroom Thursday afternoon with the two children, a boy and girl, and then heard a scream, Richmond County Sheriff Ronnie Strength said.
[...]
Well, the little bastards were probably told plenty of times to stay away from the candy aisle. They should have listened.




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Spam Subject Of The Day

"It's Natalia. Hi new freind ."
Hi. Now fuck off.



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Thursday, November 29, 2007

Brain Teaser

The Puzzle:

There is a bus with 7 children inside of it
Each child has 7 rucksacks
In each rucksack there are 7 big cats
Every big cat has 7 small cats
Everything listed above is entirely in the bus
All objects are unique
There is no driver
Every child has 2 legs
Every cat has 4 legs

That said:
How many legs are in the bus?




I'll post the answer oh, sometime. Unless someone guesses it first.


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Everything is Caused by Global Warming (600+ links)

From American Thinker.

Agricultural land increase, Africa devastated, African aid threatened, Africa hit hardest, air pressure changes, Alaska reshaped, allergies increase, Alps melting, Amazon a desert, American dream end, amphibians breeding earlier (or not),
[+/-] show/hide the rest

ancient forests dramatically changed, animals head for the hills, Antarctic grass flourishes, anxiety, algal blooms, archaeological sites threatened, Arctic bogs melt, Arctic in bloom, Arctic lakes disappear, asthma, Atlantic less salty, Atlantic more salty, atmospheric defiance, atmospheric circulation modified, attack of the killer jellyfish, avalanches reduced, avalanches increased, bananas destroyed, bananas grow, beetle infestation, bet for $10,000, better beer, big melt faster, billion dollar research projects, billions of deaths, bird distributions change, bird visitors drop, birds return early, blackbirds stop singing, blizzards, blue mussels return, bluetongue, boredom, bridge collapse (Minneapolis), Britain Siberian, British gardens change, brothels struggle, bubonic plague, budget increases, Buddhist temple threatened, building collapse, building season extension, bushfires, business opportunities, business risks, butterflies move north, cancer deaths in England, cardiac arrest, caterpillar biomass shift, challenges and opportunities, childhood insomnia, Cholera, circumcision in decline, cirrus disappearance, civil unrest, cloud increase, cloud stripping, cockroach migration, cod go south, cold climate creatures survive, cold spells (Australia), computer models, conferences, coral bleaching, coral reefs dying, coral reefs grow, coral reefs shrink , cold spells, cost of trillions, cougar attacks, cremation to end, crime increase, crocodile sex, crumbling roads, buildings and sewage systems, cyclones (Australia), damages equivalent to $200 billion, Darfur, Dartford Warbler plague, death rate increase (US), Dengue hemorrhagic fever, dermatitis, desert advance, desert life threatened, desert retreat, destruction of the environment, diarrhoea, disappearance of coastal cities, diseases move north, Dolomites collapse, drought, drowning people, ducks and geese decline, dust bowl in the corn belt, early marriages, early spring, earlier pollen season, Earth biodiversity crisis, Earth dying, Earth even hotter, Earth light dimming, Earth lopsided, Earth melting, Earth morbid fever, Earth on fast track, Earth past point of no return, Earth slowing down, Earth spinning out of control, Earth spins faster, Earth to explode, earth upside down, Earth wobbling, earthquakes, El Niño intensification, erosion, emerging infections, encephalitis, equality threatened, Europe simultaneously baking and freezing, evolution accelerating, expansion of university climate groups, extinctions (human, civilisation, logic, Inuit, smallest butterfly, cod, ladybirds, bats, pandas, pikas, polar bears, pigmy possums, gorillas, koalas, walrus, whales, frogs, toads, turtles, orang-utan, elephants, tigers, plants, salmon, trout, wild flowers, woodlice, penguins, a million species, half of all animal and plant species, not polar bears, barrier reef, leaches), experts muzzled, extreme changes to California, fading fall foliage, famine, farmers go under, fashion disaster, fever,figurehead sacked, fir cone bonanza, fish catches drop, fish catches rise, fish stocks at risk, fish stocks decline, five million illnesses, flesh eating disease, flood patterns change, floods, floods of beaches and cities, Florida economic decline, food poisoning, food prices rise, food security threat (SA), footpath erosion, forest decline, forest expansion, frostbite, frosts, fungi fruitful, fungi invasion, games change, Garden of Eden wilts, genetic diversity decline, gene pools slashed, gingerbread houses collapse, glacial earthquakes, glacial retreat, glacial growth, glacier wrapped, global cooling, global dimming, glowing clouds, god melts, golf Masters wrecked, Gore omnipresence, grandstanding, grasslands wetter, Great Barrier Reef 95% dead, Great Lakes drop, greening of the North, Grey whales lose weight, Gulf Stream failure, habitat loss, Hantavirus pulmonary syndrome, harvest increase, harvest shrinkage, hay fever epidemic, hazardous waste sites breached, health of children harmed, heart disease, heart attacks and strokes (Australia), heat waves, hibernation ends too soon, hibernation ends too late, homeless 50 million, hornets, high court debates, human development faces unprecedented reversal, human fertility reduced, human health improvement, human health risk, hurricanes, hurricane reduction, hydropower problems, hyperthermia deaths, ice sheet growth, ice sheet shrinkage, illness and death, inclement weather, infrastructure failure (Canada), Inuit displacement, Inuit poisoned, Inuit suing, industry threatened, infectious diseases, inflation in China, insurance premium rises, invasion of cats, invasion of herons, invasion of midges, island disappears, islands sinking, itchier poison ivy, jellyfish explosion, Kew Gardens taxed, kitten boom, krill decline, lake and stream productivity decline, lake shrinking and growing, landslides, landslides of ice at 140 mph, lawsuits increase, lawsuit successful, lawyers' income increased (surprise surprise!), lightning related insurance claims, little response in the atmosphere, lush growth in rain forests, Lyme disease, Malaria, malnutrition, mammoth dung melt, Maple syrup shortage, marine diseases, marine food chain decimated, marine dead zone, Meaching (end of the world), megacryometeors, Melanoma, methane emissions from plants, methane burps, melting permafrost, Middle Kingdom convulses, migration, migration difficult (birds), microbes to decompose soil carbon more rapidly, monkeys on the move, Mont Blanc grows, monuments imperiled, more bad air days, more research needed, mountain (Everest) shrinking, mountains break up, mountains taller, mortality lower, mudslides, National security implications, new islands, next ice age, Nile delta damaged, no effect in India, Northwest Passage opened, nuclear plants bloom, oaks move north, ocean acidification, ocean waves speed up, opera house to be destroyed, outdoor hockey threatened, oyster diseases, ozone loss, ozone repair slowed, ozone rise, Pacific dead zone, personal carbon rationing, pest outbreaks, pests increase, phenology shifts, plankton blooms, plankton destabilised, plankton loss, plant viruses, plants march north, polar bears aggressive, polar bears cannibalistic, polar bears drowning, polar bears starve, polar tours scrapped, porpoise astray, profits collapse, psychosocial disturbances, puffin decline, railroad tracks deformed, rainfall increase, rainfall reduction, rape wave, refugees, reindeer larger, release of ancient frozen viruses, resorts disappear, rice threatened, rice yields crash, riches, rift on Capitol Hill, rioting and nuclear war, rivers dry up, river flow impacted, rivers raised, roads wear out, rockfalls, rocky peaks crack apart, roof of the world a desert, Ross river disease, ruins ruined, salinity reduction, salinity increase, Salmonella, salmon stronger, satellites accelerate, school closures, sea level rise, sea level rise faster, seals mating more, sewer bills rise, sex change, sharks booming, sharks moving north, sheep shrink, shop closures, shrinking ponds, shrinking shrine, ski resorts threatened, slow death, smaller brains, smog, snowfall increase, snowfall heavy, snowfall reduction, societal collapse, songbirds change eating habits, sour grapes, space problem, spiders invade Scotland, squid population explosion, squirrels reproduce earlier, spectacular orchids, stormwater drains stressed, street crime to increase, suicide, taxes, tectonic plate movement, teenage drinking, terrorism, threat to peace, ticks move northward (Sweden), tides rise, tourism increase, trade barriers, trade winds weakened, tree beetle attacks, tree foliage increase (UK), tree growth slowed, trees could return to Antarctic, trees in trouble, trees less colourful, trees more colourful, trees lush, tropics expansion, tropopause raised, tsunamis, turtles crash, turtles lay earlier, UK Katrina, Vampire moths, Venice flooded, volcanic eruptions, walrus displaced, walrus pups orphaned, war, wars over water, wars threaten billions, water bills double, water supply unreliability, water scarcity (20% of increase), water stress, weather out of its mind, weather patterns awry, weeds, Western aid cancelled out, West Nile fever, whales move north, wheat yields crushed in Australia, white Christmas dream ends, wildfires, wind shift, wind reduced, wine - harm to Australian industry, wine industry damage (California), wine industry disaster (US), wine - more English, wine -German boon, wine - no more French , winters in Britain colder, wolves eat more moose, wolves eat less, workers laid off, World bankruptcy, World in crisis, World in flames, Yellow fever.









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