"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Friday, September 26, 2008

New Site

I just stumbled upon a new site - aking to The Onion - that is cracking me the hell up:
Cure for ADHD Found
By Miketron

Fifteen years ago, you would have been lucky to have heard of Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder. Of course, you probably would have seen its effects in school playgrounds or the supermarket: screaming children unable to be consoled by an ever-tired parent.

As the numbers of victims of this terrible disorder have increased, new treatments such as the controversial Dexedrine and Ritalin have been administered to sufferers (mainly children) to attempt to focus their attention and calm their out-of-control nervous energy.

For as many years as these treatments have been used, their results have been debated by the scientific and parental communities.

"97% of cases [of ADHD] could be completely cured in a matter of weeks"
Luckily, recent research conducted at the University of Sydney is proving that out of 5000 children tested with treatments for ADHD, 97% of cases could be completely cured in a matter of weeks just by smacking the children more often.

Added to the smacking of the child, chores such as lawn mowing, tidying bedrooms, washing cars and cooking dinner were proven to have a strong counter-action to the ADHD effects.

While smacking your children has become somewhat taboo over the last few years, thanks to the Sydney Uni research, Australian doctors can now prescribe a certain amount of smacks per week for affected children or recommend parents to “smacking centres” where a qualified professional can belt the badly behaved juniors.

As you can see on the left, before the smacking treatment commenced, this child was out of control - regularly brandishing high-calibre weapons and screaming for chocolate. On the right, the same child after a few weeks of smacking and chores – obviously much better behaved and even blonder than before the testing process.
Maybe it's not so satirical after all.




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2 comments:

Around My Kitchen Table said...

Started to read this but had to get up and phone a friend. Put the phone down half way through and put the kettle on for coffee. Suddenly remembered I needed milk, got half way to the shops and decided to visit the park instead. Got home without the milk and spotted the computer was still on. Read a bit more of your post and then decided to comment. What is this "attention deficit" thing? I don't know anyone with it.

curmudgeon said...

Well, you obviously weren't smacked around enough when you were younger.