Dear Penthouse

Dear Penthouse,

I know this letter will sound hard to believe, and like they all say "I never thought this would happen to me", but IT DID! So here goes.

See, I play golf. A lot. I'm very seldom at home and so I don't usually spend a lot of time in one place, which really can make it hard to meet women or date.
Well, on one of my trips, I met this woman. You're not going to believe it - I hardly did myself - but there she was: A SWEDISH SUPERMODEL! Can you believe it? I'm thinking HOLY SHIT!!! This is too good to be true!

Next thing you know, we're getting busy ... shit. Wait a minute. I got a text coming in ...

Sorry, that was Cori. Bitch is trying to make a buck off me. Shit ain't happenin', you know?

Okay then, where were we? Oh yeah, so there we were getting down, and ... FUCK! Another text. Hold on a sec ...

Shit Jaimee, I told you not to text me to this number any more!
Woops! That wasn't supposed to go in this letter, here. Let me resend it...

Okay. All set. So anyway, there we were in the hotel room. I was down to my shorts and she was in her bikini - bottom half anyway (lol!). Her eyes were dazzling, and her lips lightly tinted with a very suggestive red lipstick - all pouty and soft looking - just knew where they wanted to go. I couldn't help but stare at the nicest shaped, firmest and perkiest tits I had ever seen. As she licked those pouty, sweet looking lips she started slowly lowering her bikini bottoms. Of course I felt something in my pants twitch, and the next thing I knew, I had my dick ...

SHIT! Jaimee again. I told her to take my fucking number off! brb LOL!!! ...
Fuck, my wife called her. And she is hot enough to fuck.

Back to the story. So there we were. I was standing there with my dick bucking and throbbing like a locomotive, and next thing I knew those red, sensuous lips were ... What? You don't believe me do you! You think I'm making this shit up - boning a hot Swedish model with other bitches texting me! Well you can kiss my black/thai ass. Heh heh, get it? Black/thai? LOL!!! ...

FUCK! WHAT NOW!!! Shit. It's Rachel . Daaa-hammmm. That woman knows how to polish a knob. She fucking ... heh-heh, that's another letter. LOL!

Well, I'd finish this letter but fucking hell. I got paparazzi on my ass, women sending me texts, and my short game needs some work. Shit. I'll send the rest later.

Unbelievingly,
Tiger Woods.

Sent from my iPod


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