So Yes, Alcohol Was Involved

Aye, those crazy Scottish. We need awards for these fuckers. How about we start with "Babysitter of the year":

Drunk woman who spilled toddler into traffic dodges jail

A woman who fell into a busy road with a toddler and her alcohol-laden buggy was so drunk she told police she could not remember she even had a child with her.
[...]

Next we have the "Guiness Golden Gloves:"

Drunk man challenged lamppost to fight

A 22-year-old man challenged a lamppost to fight after he was ignored by passers-by in the street, a court heard on Wednesday.
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Then we have "Mr. Personality":

Man jailed for attacking wife with corkscrew

A man who ripped out part of his estranged wife's cheek with a corkscrew and left her permanently scarred has been sentenced to six years behind bars.
[...]

Well, it didn't say he was drinking, but he most likely was. And even if he wasn't, he was using a tool used for opening booze. So yes, alcohol was still involved.

Now we have "Photographer Of The Year":

Secret shower video man given probation

An engineer who secretly filmed his partner and her daughter in the shower has been sentenced to three years probation.

Michael Devlin, who also took nude pictures of the women while they were asleep, was also ordered to do 300 hours community service.

The 41-year-old filmed his 45-year-old partner and her 24-year-old daughter while they were showering and gave the women sleeping pills so that he could take pictures of them while they were asleep.
[...]

Okay, it wasn't booze, it was pills. Whatever. Worthless without pictures.

"Driver Of The Year":

Car overturns after driver takes ill

A man had a lucky escape when his car overturned on a busy road in Glasgow.

The 33-year-old was driving along Dumbarton Road, near Clydebank, when it is believed he took ill and crashed the vehicle about 14.40pm on Thursday.
[...]

Ill. Right. Stick with your story there, sport.

"Teacher Of The Year":

Teacher given chance to wipe assaults from record

A former teacher dragged through the courts after classroom confrontations with abusive pupils has been given a chance to wipe the assaults from his record.
[...]

No booze involved. It's just that the headline cracked me the hell up.
Wipe his assaults. Now that's funny.

Anyway, he had candy-assed students disrupting class and he shoved them a bit. Big fucking deal. They deserved it.

Oh well. That's enough for now. I'm thirsty.


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