Ask The Curmudgeon

DEAR CURMUDGEON: I live with and am engaged to a 53-year-old man -- 13 years older than I am. He is a very loving and giving man. I adore him and am looking forward to being married to him. He has strange little quirks that I am adjusting to, but there is one that I can't seem to get past: He can go up to two weeks without taking a bath or brushing his teeth, and he doesn't wear deodorant. His parents just didn't make him do those things. Sometimes the body odor is overwhelming. I have made comments like, ''Wow, you got hot and sweaty today. A shower is really going to feel good.'' He just laughs and says that's his new cologne. How do I get him to take care of his personal hygiene?

--- ELVIRA

Dear Dumb Shit er, ELVIRA .... ELVIRA .... "♫♪ My heart's on fire ♪♫♪, for ELVIRA ♫♪♪.... Giddyup-a-oomboppa-oomboppa-oombop ♫♫♪♫ Giddyup-a-... ♫♫♪♪" ugh. I fucking hate that shit.

Okay, here's the deal: What the fuck is your problem? Are you that hard up that you have to stick with a fucking slob like that, or are you just stupid? Good gawd. You have a problem missy. Bigger than his.

Look, tell the slob to take a bath and brush his everlovin' teeth fer chrissakes. How could you possibly want to snuggle up to that slob, let alone kiss him on the filthy, food encrusted mouth, or for the love of all that's holy - suck that cheesy cock? And sex? Why would you ever let ole' cheese-dick stick that filthy dick in you? Beyond me, unless of course you enjoy licking dirty assholes too.

Fuck me running. That dude is just sick. Take him to the car wash or something.


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