Ask The Curmudgeon

DEAR CURMUDGEON: I bet you've never gotten a letter like this before. I'm a 25-year-old man who's in love with one of my best friends, "Tom." (Yes, we're both male.) I'm not only in love with him, we're lovers. Tom is married to a woman named "Maria," but theirs was just a "for show" marriage because Tom's job is the type that would benefit from a "trophy wife." Maria knows about me and has no objections. I am fairly certain that Maria is also having an affair, though I'm not sure. As you can imagine, the two of us aren't exactly buddies, though we don't dislike each other. Here's the problem: I get jealous. Tom and Maria act like they're in love when they're in public, and even though I know it's fake, it bothers me. Let me stress that Maria and I have an understanding, so it's not that I feel guilty or think that Tom might leave me for her. (Neither of them loves the other and they both know it.) I don't want to make trouble by asking them to get divorced, but I really don't know what to do. Any advice?

--- UNREASONABLY JEALOUS

DEAR FAGGOT: Get your gun out, put the barrel in your cocksucker, and scatter the back of your twisted fucking skull all over the wallpaper in your sick gawd-damn den of love.

The sissy-boy married to the woman for convenience should also do the same. You two shouldn't be doing sick shit like that in the first place, and his wife is a fucking idiot for going along with his little game. All three of you should be put the fuck down for your dumbass relationship and pathetic situation.





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