Random Randomizations

WOOHOO!!! School's out! Now I don't have to keep slowing down for school zones, where there are no children going to school. It's just a 'zone'.

So how have you been?

Nothing exciting to report here, I just got bored with the blog. I figgered if I couldn't write anything that was even interesting to me, then no one else would be very interested either. Hence, no posts.
Don't worry, I still read a bunch of your blogs, and sometimes I even comment. But the daily stops have dwindled a bunch. Especially the political ones. Politics pisses me off too much. It's amazing how stupid elected officials are, and it's even more amazing how stupid the people who elected them must be to have elected them to those positions. So rather than just be upset with the majority of the population, I'll just study myself up for who I want, vote for them, and forget it.

I think I'll just concentrate on blogs with cute puppy themes. Maybe some crocheting related blogs. Those seem to be fairly mellow.

Yeah, right.

Anyway, gotta run. Got some work to do.

Have fun!




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A Quiz

This is an actual quiz a teacher gave to prospective psychology students.
See how you do:

Sexual Tension Quiz

Author unknown

1. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes.
   When I'm not well, I drip.
   When you blow me, you feel good.
   What Am I?
2.  I'm spread before I'm eaten.
   Your tongue gets me off.
   People sometimes lick my nuts.
   What Am I?
   
3. I assist an erection.
   Sometimes big balls hang from me.
   I'm called a big swinger.
   What Am I?
   
4. Over 1,000 people went down on me.
   I wasn't maiden for long.
   A big hard thing ripped me open.
   What Am I?
   
5. You stick your poles inside me.
   You tie me down to get me up.
   I get wet before you do.
   What Am I?
   
6. When I go in I cause pain.
   I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow.
   I can fill your hole.
   What Am I?
   
7. A finger goes in me.
   You fiddle with me when you're bored.
   The best man always has me first.
   What Am I?
   
8. All day long, it's in and out.
   I discharge loads from my shaft.
   Both men and women go down on me.
   What Am I?
   
9. I go in hard.
   I come out soft.
   You blow me hard.
   What Am I?
   
10. If I miss, I hit your bush.
    It's my job to stuff your box.
    When I come, it's news.
    What Am I?
    
11. I offer Protection.
    I get the finger ten times.
    You use your fingers to get me off.
    What Am I?
12. I have a stiff shaft.
    My tip penetrates.
    I come with a quiver.
    What Am I?
    
13. My business is briefs.
    I am a cunning linguist.
    I plead and plead for it.
    What Am I?
    
14. I make some guys shoot in the air.
    I usually have a little pecker.
    I'm better in your hand than in your bush.
    What Am I?

Answers in comments  :)


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A Funny

A real woman is a man's best friend.

She will never stand him up and never let him down.
She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.
She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret.
She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.
She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.

No wait... sorry...

I'm thinking of beer.

That's what beer does...

Never mind....

Stolen from here.

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BWAAAHHH!!!!

This is a stretch:

Well, I guess that just about says it all.



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Another Funny

I giggled out loud when I saw this PS pic:

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Phunny

Okay, this gave me a good chuckle:




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Good Gawd

It seems running your bags through a bomb sniffer/x-ray machine, limiting your 'personals' to a few measly ounces of product, taking your shoes, hat, belt, jacket, etc. off, leaving anything even remotely resembling a knife or tool either at home or the confiscation bin, not being able to get up and take a piss a full hour before landing, or any one of 1984 other rules of the T.S.A. isn't enough to keep us safe in the friendly skies...



I reckon it's inevitable that one day soon, we'll have to go through the full-body scanner in order to get on an airplane. I hear they're a little more revealing than the T.S.A. would have you believe though:



You are now free to ... uh, stay home?

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BWAH!!!

This cracked me the hell up:




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Another Useless Study

Astounding:

Music Linked to Marijuana Use

Gee. Welcome to the [name your decade here]'s.

"The Man" has been saying shit like that for - well, as long as there has been music probably.

And the hell of it is, people are still, still getting paid to do this sort of research! How many more fucking times are 'they' going to do this 'study'?

Fuck health care reform. We need research reform. Imagine all the money that could be placed in the healthcare system if we eliminated useless studies like these!


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Princess Of Whoop-ass

'Princess of Magic' arrested in domestic violence case

A 21-year-old woman who had a magic show at the Riviera this year was arrested for assaulting her 67-year-old boyfriend last week.

Wait a minute. She's 21 and he's 67? Good gawd. Is that the best this young hottie can do?

Rachel Jessee, who starred in “Scarlett and her Seductive Ladies of Magic,” was arrested today by Henderson police on one count of misdemeanor domestic battery.

And she beat the fuck out of him?

Her arrest report states that she and her live-in boyfriend, John Lewis, had an argument at their Henderson home. Lewis told police she grabbed him by the ear and struck him with a fist in his right eye. Police said that Lewis was bleeding from behind his ears and had a scratch to the back of his neck. He also had swelling under his right eye, a bite mark to his left tricep and scratches to his chest. He refused medical assistance.

BWAAAHHH!!! Why, yes. Yes she did.

[...]
“I taught her a few things, and she just caught on so fast, I thought, ‘Why am I doing this?’ ” he said earlier this year. “We should really be pushing someone who has ongoing talent and has the youth to do it.”

I guess you did there, sport. Taught her how to kick your ass.

That is just hilarious.


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Oh, How The Mighty Have Fallen.

Sheriff's office: 911 call came from Woods' house

WINDERMERE, Fla. – The Orange County Sheriff's Office is confirming that fire department medics responded to a 911 call at Tiger Woods' Orlando-area home early Tuesday.
[...]

Okay, so this shit just isn't going away for a while, is it.

It seems that when celebs fall, they fucking fall hard, no? The sluts are coming out of the woodwork, and I suspect we're going to hear all sorts of shit coming out of that household for the next few months.

Oh well, I guess it gives the bubble-headed news folks something to talk about besides Michael Jackson.



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A Funny

Via email:

A Husband and wife are out shopping in their local big box store. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'

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Fucking Nannies

Eating Candy in Childhood Linked to Adult Crime

Time.com – Fri Oct 2, 4:50 am ET Sent 904 times

A British study suggests a curious association between eating candy as a kid and committing violent crimes in adulthood Full Story »

[...]

Give me a fucking break. Who as a kid doesn't eat candy?

You dumb asses can link adult crime to any fucking childhood behavior if you try hard enough. It's like the six degrees of Kevin Bacon, or blaming global warming on the belly-button lint growing on fat women with goatees. If you twist it around enough, you'll find a connection.

Get a life already.

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Good Gawd

What's next, monitoring with cameras?

Oh, wait. That would be a pay-per-view thing:

Boston-area college bans sex with roommate around

[...]
This semester, the school has a new policy banning sexual activity while a roommate is in the same room. Kim Thurler, a Tufts University spokeswoman, said the school issued the new rule after a dozen or so complaints in the past three years.
[...]

But what if the roommate wants to join in?

First they want to ban drinking. Now no screwing? What's a college student to do?

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Phunny

This cracked me the hell up. Yes, it is SFW:




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Would I Go?

Space exploration volunteers wanted (The catch? It's a one-way ticket)

[...]
The next generation of astronauts may hurtle through the cosmos for years or decades on a mission to explore distant planets and stars – and never return.
[...]

Damn tootin' I would go. It would fucking cool to go somewhere off in space and do some exploring, see the shit first-hand and close up.

You wouldn't be coming back to tell stories in person, but big deal. What with chats, email, twitter, blogs, journals, blah blah blah - how many people do you 'talk' to each day without seeing them face to face?


Update w/pic:


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Yeah. Right. Part II.

.... HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAH [choke] [shnicker] BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAAAH ... [cough] ... HA-HA-HA....

Best entertainer ever. [sigh] That's a good one. BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAHHH.....

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A Funny

Farrah's chat with God

On the day Farrah passed away she went to heaven. God welcomed her and asked her what she wanted most in the world. She answered she wanted all the children in world to be safe.....then Michael Jackson died.

Stoled from delftsman


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Ask The Curmudgeon

Q- How can I test if my son is gay? I want to get him tested. Isn't it possible to get a hormone check? A vocal chord check? Can't a doctor indicate if he's gay or not? My son has almost no muscles and narrow shoulders. He also has blue eyes. He talks in a very high voice and when he sings, he sounds like a castrato. He tells me his voice is called tenor.
How can I tell if my son is gay?

A- Well, there's a really simple test you can perform without even leaving the house.
Mold a clay volcano and get some vinegar and baking soda. Pour some vinegar in the volcano, then spoon in some baking soda. Now if while the volcano is busy erupting your son is too busy sucking cock to notice, he's gay.




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A Funny

Breaking News


It has just been reported that the head gardener at The White House has been dismissed after 28 years of loyal service to the many US presidents.

When interviewed the gardener protested his innocence and said "All I know is I was walking past the Oval Office and I asked, "Has anyone seen the spade or the Hoe".
The next thing I knew I was fired.

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