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Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Fun Facts About Michael Moore-on

Since it has been a somewhat slow news period for His Wideness, I'll post some possible facts about him:

He was never breast fed.

The babysitter used to give him wine in his bottle instead of grape juice.

She got tired of him whining even back then.

When he was a young lad, he was dropped on his head.

Several times.

And shaken.

Not hard enough.

Before the age of ten, he had several albums full of pronogr@phic pictures he shot with his brownie camera.

Of his mother.

The reasoning behind his lead ass is the paint chips he consumed for several years.

He should really do a documentary on lead asses poisoning.

He is still a virgin.

Ohmygawd. The visualizations.

At any given time, there are approximately 3-4 ounces of food in his mouth.

3-4 grams stuck in his teeth.

30-40 pounds on each butt cheek.

His turds weigh more than the commode.

He sweats more standing up from that commode than any six actors in the latest Gatorade commercial.

Which could be up to three US gallons.

2.5 Canadian.

Which is where he should go do all of his sweating.

The fuckwad.

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