"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Friday, May 12, 2006

So There I Was, Unlocking The Door To My House After A Long Day's Work...

Mr. Sunglasses: "Afternoon sir. May we have a moment?"

Shadow:
"Afternoon sir."

Curmudgeon: "Afternoon gentlemen. What's up?"

Mr. Sunglasses:
"Sir, we have a couple things we need to clear up."

Curmudgeon:
"Like what? It's been a long day, and I was really looking forward to taking up my easy chair, sipping on a cold one and reading the local nespaper. "

Mr. Sunglasses:
"This will only take a minute of your time sir, we really need to ask you a few questions. We're from the NSA."

[The badges were retrieved, quickly flipped, and returned to the inside jacket pocket in a motion smoother than Billy's hand up Betty's fuzzy knit sweater, prom night, circa 1965.]

Curmudgeon: "Oh fine then. Care to step over here into the shade?"

Mr. Sunglasses: "Thank-you sir."

...

Mr. Sunglasses: "Boy that cold one sure sounded..."

Shadow:
"We're on duty."

Mr. Sunglasses: "Yeah, you're right. Anyway sir, your name appeared on our list as 'Requiring Further Investigation'."

Curmudgeon:
"Oh? And why would that be."

Mr. Sunglasses: "Apparently, you received a couple calls back in March of 2005 from...sorry, I'm unable to divulge the originating number."

Curmudgeon:
"Aaannd...?"

Mr. Sunglasses: "Well, the call contained some key words we've been using computerized systems to monitor since - well, since before the Clinton administraion."

Curmudgeon:
"Wait. You're telling me you've been spying on citizens of this country since before Clinton?"

Mr. Sunglasses: "Actually sir, we've been 'monitoring' phone records and conversations - might I add, with full cooperation from public utility companies long before that. But that is when we finally completed the software to do our ... wait a minute. Why am I telling you all this? Forget I said any of that.
"Anyway, according to our warrant, key words and phrases such as 'refridgerator running' and 'prince albert in can' were used. These usually indicate transportation of nuclear materials and improvised explosive ... "

Shadow: "You're saying too much again..."

Mr. Sunglasses: "Dammit! I've gotta quit doing that. The fact is, you received calls with certain words, which implicate you in terrorist activities."

Curmudgeon:
"WHAT!?!? I get a crank call and I'm flagged as a terrorist?"

Mr. Sunglasses: "Sir, remain calm please. We are only investigating the poss..."

Curmudgeon:
"You're out of your fucking ghourd. Some punk-ass kids call me on the phone with a crank call and you think I'm a terrorist?"

Mr. Sunglasses: "Sir - do you own any guns?"

...

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