Zen

Some quotes - via email:

• 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just "F" off and leave me alone.
• 2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.
• 3. No one is listening until you fart.
• 4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
• 5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
• 6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
• 7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
• 8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
• 9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
• 10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
• 11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
• 12. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the wind screen.
• 13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
• 14. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... And most of that comes from bad judgment.
• 15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
• 16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.
• 17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
• 18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
• 19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass ... Then things just keep getting worse.
• 20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~