Phunny Photo

Via email:

Below is a picture of the Canadian women's hockey team celebrating their win at the Olympics someone just sent me.
Careful though, it is a NSFW pic.

Spam Subject of the Day

"SOLUTION TO HAIR LOSS"

Too late.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Fwd: vi4gr0w #94"

Good gawd.



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That's Gotta Suck

Back in January, I posted about the newest employee of the brothel known as the Shady Lady. Well, sorry Princess, you're outta luck:

Fail
Markus, Nevada's first ever legal "prosti-dude", has packed up his peen and quit the ho business after only 2 months on the stroll. Markus started leasing his dick to lady customers at the Shady Lady Ranch back in January, but only 10 women got to leave a wad of cash on his nightstand. And 9 of those "women" were really male politicians trying to put one past Markus by dressing up in drag. I made that up (but it's probably true).
[...]

He's going back to making pron movies because there ain't enough wimmen who want to pay to get laid. Talk about a kick in the nuts to your ego. BWAHAHAHAH!!!!

I just can't help but laugh.

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Spam Subject of the Day

[No Subject]

Ah, my favorite kind.


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Another Funny

I giggled out loud when I saw this PS pic:

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Ouch!

"Actress Pamela Anderson performs the splits during an appearance on the television show Big Brother in Sydney, July 9, 2008."

She's lucky she didn't stick to the floor.
'Actress'? BWAHAAHAHAH!!! That's a laugh.


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Spam Subject of the Day

Good gawd. Don't you people ever tire of peddling V!agr@, watches and diplomas?



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Neat-o

Mars

On Thursday night, March 25, many people may look up at the sky and ask the question, "What's that bright star next to the moon?"
[...]

Go on. Drag your ass away from the teevee, and go take a look.
Now, it won't be the size of a basketball or anywhere as big as the moon, but think about it. You're looking at another planet in our solar system that is millions of miles away! Without a telescope!

Well, I think it's cool.

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Spam Subject of the Day

"renew your education"

And become a lame-ass libtard like most other warped students? I don't think so.


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Phunny

Okay, this gave me a good chuckle:




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Spam Subject of the Day

"All th$ Me@di ca* tion$ you need"

Pretty it up any way you want, but fuck you.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"let's be friends dear"

How about you fuck off instead.


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Fucking Shit

Q- How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
A- Fuck that! I ain't changing that son-uva-bitch. Someone else can change it for me. Or they'll hold a flashlight for me so I can see the cookies. And get those fucking dishes done already!



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Spam Subject of the Day

"You are nominated for mba"

What? I thought I just had to pay you some money.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Masters degree with no efforts."

No efforts at all, eh?
Nice.


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March Madness

Okay, it's that time of year again. March Madness.

Come on, be a sport and join me in the contest.
Here, for your convenience, is a copy of the brackets for you to fill out.
Click on it to enlarge, then fill out your choices.



These brackets are way more important than some stupid basketball game.



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You Go Dude!

Homeowner charged in shooting of 2 men leaving in car

North Las Vegas Police have arrested a man accused of firing at two men outside his home leaving in a vehicle Sunday morning in North Las Vegas, critically injuring both of them.
[...]

Both men were struck by gunfire before crashing into the brick wall less than a block away, police said.

Officers found one shooting victim inside the vehicle. The second man, who also had been shot, was laying near the collision. Both men were taken to University Medical Center's trauma unit in critical condition, police said.
[...]

Yeah, I know. You ain't supposed to shoot someone when your life isn't in immediate danger. But they were trying to steal his truck and he was protecting his property. So fuck the law on this one. I'm glad he did what he did. Maybe other bad guys will think twice before trying to steal other people's shit.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"look at my picture"

I don't think so.




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For Sale

I was almost pissing my pants by the time I got done looking at this shit for sale on Amazon.com..
Click on pic to instantiate the embiggenator, where you will be able to read the quote coming from the dude sitting on the throne.
Then, go ahead and follow the ling so you can take a look at the "Customers Who Viewed This Item Also Viewed" selections.




Hat tip, Roger.

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Green Beer

As a young lad, I never thought green beer was anything real special. Then I tried this recipe:

Spam Subject of the Day

"Save"

I do.


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Aye, And A Happy Saint Paddy's Day To Ye

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DAMMIT FREDDIE!!!

WOULD YOU STOP THAT!!!

I see there's a post, I go there, there's no post. Or it's been deleted.
You can be a real PITA sometimes.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Your Honor Society certificate is ready"

Well, it's about time. I've only been out of school for ... well, quite a while.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Can't you see"

I guess not.




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Phunny Photo

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Cool Quiz

This is a sorta neat quiz. Guess the geographical locations from satellite (Google Earth) pictures.

How well do you know landmarks?
Take the quiz below and see if you can name the landmark with an aerial view of the location.

Oh, you want to know my score? Better than I did with the civics quiz:

You correctly answered 14 out of 16. You score is 90%

Hat tip, Roger, who took the pictures from his B-52.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Ingenuity Working"

Sure as hell is.


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Good Job!

Miss. school prom off after lesbian's date request

JACKSON, Miss. – A northern Mississippi school district will not be hosting a high school prom this spring after a lesbian student sought to attend with her girlfriend and wear a tuxedo.
[...]

Way to go there, bitch. Are you happy now? Are you happy you ruined one of the most memorable days for the rest of the school?

Yup, this year will be memorable for them alright. It will be remembered as the social gathering the attention whore fucked up for them.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Crazy 80% Discount for [me]"

Crazy man! Craaaazeee!


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Phunny

This gave me a giggle:

What can I say. I'm easily entertained.



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Yawn

Workers urge faster rebuilding at ground zero site

NEW YORK – Hundreds of construction workers raised a rallying cry of "Build it now!" on Tuesday, gathering with elected officials at the World Trade Center site to urge a quick rebuilding of the complex.
[...]

I have a better idea: Why not just abandon the shit. Give up. Y'all have fucked around long enough, wasted enough time and resources on the thing. Just give it the fuck up.




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Spam Subject of the Day

"monol ogisi ng penic illiu m delto ids"

Exactly.


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Smile!

You're on the internet!

You have some nice friends there, sport.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"And I know that it's true"

Care to enlighten me?

On second thought, never mind.

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Spam Subject of the Day

"Become an insatiable lovemaker"

Too late. Already am one.



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Civics

So I went here and took a civics quiz, which:

[...]thirty-three questions, many drawn from U.S. naturalization exams and U.S. Department of Education high school progress tests (NAEP).
[...]

I ain't proud of my score (69.70%, or 23 out of 33 - I suck), but it is what it is.
What's interesting - but in my eyes not surprising, is that the politicians we elect on the average know less than the average citizen.

Anyway, it only takes 5 or 10 minutes, so give it a whirl and let me know how you do.

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Spam Subject of the Day

"For better rod-on frequency"

What the bloody hell are you talking about?


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My Favorite Things

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens.
Capos that hold down all 12 of my strings
These are a few of my favorite things

Here's the scoop. I've been having a helluva time finding a capo strong enough to compress the strings on my 12 string guitar. Most work fine on a 6 string, but since the 12 string has twice as many strings [duh], they just wouldn't squeeze tight enough.
Oh, some would work okay on the first or second fret, but any higher up the neck and bzzzzzzzzzzzz. Suckage.   But hopefully, no more!

Yesterday, I was invited to tag along to this spiffy little joint called "The E String", which is a local bar with a small stage where they have live music, usually blues, every Wednesday night and I believe Friday and Saturday nights. The bands are small local bands, small names bands from elsewhere, and they also just have some jam sessions. 
So last night we went and listened to the blues. Great band, great tunes, great atmosphere, reasonable prices on drinks, bar food, the works.

Now in the same little joint, there is a place called "AJ's Music". They mostly sell guitars and accessories, but they have a few other instruments scattered around. The place isn't much wider than a one-car garage, but half again as deep. And in the back half, there is a walk-in humidor - yes, a humidor - where they keep all the collectibles such as antique amplifiers, and vintage and collectible guitars. Very cool music store.
They also had something I have been unable to find at the larger music stores. That's right, you guessed it! A FUCKING CAPO FOR MY 12 STRING!!! [picture]

The dude selling stuff told me "I wouldn't recommend this for a 12 string.", but I used to have one and I knew it would work just fine. No clue what happened to the one I had, but no matter. I have another now.

Yes, the little things are my favorite things.


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Bring Your Kid To Work And Lose Your Job Day?

Controller complacency could jeopardize air safety

[...]
A controller twice brought a child to work at the control tower at John F. Kennedy International Airport in New York, one of the nation's busiest airports, and allowed the child to radio instructions to pilots.
[...]

I fail to see what the big deal here is.

I mean, dad brought his kid to work. Ain't that what parents are supposed to do? Spend more time with their kids?

So he let the kid talk to a pilot, clearing the plane to take off. It's not like the kid was actually directing traffic, and you know the dad told the kid what to say. No biggey.

Besides, the pilot was probably drunk anyway. He probably didn't even realize who he was talking to.


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Dumb Shits

3 LA teachers removed over choice of black heroes

Wed Mar 3, 8:22 pm ET

LOS ANGELES - Three Los Angeles elementary school teachers accused of giving children portraits of O.J. Simpson, Dennis Rodman and RuPaul to carry in a Black History Month parade have been removed from their classrooms, a school district spokeswoman said Wednesday.
[...]

Heros? What the fuck is the matter with these teachers? They're idolizing a murderer (sorry, he wasn't convicted) robber, a faggot, and an asshole.

O.J. is good at hiring the best lawyers. Rodman was a great ball player, but off the court he was a dick. And RuPaul just needs to get hit by the Mystery Machine.

Fine example teachers set for kids nowdays, innit?


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Spur your passion to activity"

Giddy-up there, Lightnin'.



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And For The Ladies

The 10 Worst Moose Knuckles At The Olympics

I guess that's why I prefer the women's figure skating.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Re: please help your old friend :)"

My old Nigerian friend? Sure. Why not.



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This Day In History

From History.com

This Day In History
1904 : Dr. Seuss born

On this day in 1904, Theodor Geisel, better known to the world as Dr. Seuss, the author and illustrator of such beloved children's books as "The Cat in the Hat" and "Green Eggs and Ham," is born in Springfield, Massachusetts.
[...]

Everyone remembers, surely they do
The cat, the hat,
The eggs and the ham,
The Grinch who stole Christmas,
And Horton who heard a who?

Okay, I'll quit now.

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Spam Subject of the Day

"Use it for carnal carnivals"

Good gawd.




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Bubble-Headed Bleached Blondes

So has anyone heard there was an earthquake somewhere over the weekend?
I did. And I heard about the ensuing tsunami.

I heard there was quite the shaker in Chile. But they have evidently built their buildings just a little better than the folks of Haiti, so they didn't have the damage Haiti did. Not to mention, the epicenter wasn't right in the heart of a major population, but off the coast. Therefore, it caused a tsunami.

So about this tsunami that followed, I could have puked on the fucking teevee.
I switched it over to the news while I was relaxing after lunch, as Mrs C was talking to someone on the phone and this person mentioned we should turn on the news because there was a tsunami headed for Hawaii.
The reporters were just sickening. They were just giddy at the thought of a big wave crashing ashore. They were getting themselves so worked up and feeding on their hysteria so much that for a moment there, I thought either someone's eyes were just going to pop out of their head, or they were going to run of the set calling for mommy.
I'm sure they were sorely disappointed when it turned out to be basically, a non-event, at least for Hawaii.

But at least they got to start talking about the mudslide in California shortly after that. Alas, no one died so it wasn't really that newsworthy.

I would have been better off watching Tom and Jerry.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Prolong her climaxes"

Hell no! She takes too long as it is!




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