Satellite My Ass

North Korea is fueling rocket, U.S. military says
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- North Korea has begun fueling its long-range rocket, according to a senior U.S. military official.

The fueling signals that the country could be in the final stages of what North Korea has said will be the launch of a satellite into space as early as this weekend, the senior U.S. military official said Wednesday.
[...]

Be afraid. Be very afraid.





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"For He's A Jolly Dead Felllloooowww"

Man dies after retirement party hijinks
Reuters - Tue Dec 16, 12:24 PM ET

TOKYO (Reuters) - A 60-year-old man who was thrown into the air in celebration at his retirement party died after his colleagues failed to catch him and he fell to the floor, a Japanese newspaper reported on Tuesday.
[...]

That would suck.



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Tax Dollars At Work

USDA sent $1.1B to deceased farmers

AP - Mon Jul 23, 7:04 PM ET Avg. Rating: 4.6

WASHINGTON - The Agriculture Department sent $1.1 billion in farm payments to more than 170,000 dead people over a seven-year period, congressional investigators say.
[...]

Doesn't that just give you the warm-fuzzies?

It's bad enough the government pays subsidies to farmers to not grow some crops. But to keep paying them after they're dead too?

Sweet.



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Stuff You Just Can't Make Up

Ripped from the headlines:

• Panty-clad man tries robbery with lighter AP - Thu May 10, 10:58 PM ET

  INWOOD, W.Va. - A thief covered his face with a pair of blue women's underwear and used a pistol-shaped cigarette lighter in a botched robbery of a convenience store, police said. "I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried," State Police Sgt. T.C. Kearns told The Journal in Martinsburg.

• Armless, one-legged driver leads chase AP - Thu May 10, 6:19 PM ET

  NEW PORT RICHEY, Fla. - Authorities were led on a high speed vehicle chase by an armless, one-legged man, and they said this wasn't the first time the 40-year-old eluded police.

• German man found after 7 years dead in bed Reuters - 1 hour, 25 minutes ago

  BERLIN (Reuters) - The decomposed corpse of a German man was found alone in his bed after nearly seven years, police in the western city of Essen said Thursday.

• Executed man gets last meal wish after he dies Reuters - Thu May 10, 2:26 PM ET

  NASHVILLE, Tennessee (Reuters) - A convicted murderer put to death in Tennessee this week got his last meal wish after he died.

I just don't have anything to add to these. The stories write themselves.




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Just So You Know

One of my all-time favorite songs: A tout le monde



Crank it up. Listen. Enjoy.




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And From The 'Get A Life' Department

Humane Society holds doggie yoga class

AP - 1 hour, 20 minutes ago

BELLEVUE, Wash. - Beans, a majestic 2-year-old Vizsla, however, is ready to play. The overgrown puppy has tried to relax with his owner, Chantale Anderson, but once Magnet the black lab heads off to explore the room, Beans is ready to go.
[...]

Now I like dogs. They make good pets. They can even make a good meal. But taking them and doing yoga?
Dogs know when it's time to eat, time to sleep, and time to shit. Yoga?

I have a bridge over a swamp I would like to sell you losers.

Fucking morons.




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Vertigo Anyone?

Astronaut's small step opens Grand Canyon Skywalk
By Tim Gaynor Tue Mar 20, 9:37 PM ET

GRAND CANYON WEST, Arizona (Reuters) - Indian elders and a former astronaut took the ceremonial first steps on Tuesday on a glass-bottomed walkway perched 4,000 feet over the Grand Canyon that promises dizzying views for those who dare.
[...]

That would be so fucking cool. Scary, but cool.



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