Spam Subject Of The Day

"I am 79 years young"

Meh, I ain't into robbing the cradle.





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Quote Of The Day

"Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk."

Stol't from The Princess



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The 'Reverend' Al Sharpton And The 'Reverend' Jesse Jackson Discuss The Virginia Tech Massacre

'Reverend' Al Sharpton:

'Reverend' Jesse Jackson:

'Reverend' Al Sharpton: "Ahem."

'Reverend' Jesse Jackson:

'Reverend' Al Sharpton:

'Reverend' Jesse Jackson: [cough]

'Reverend' Al Sharpton:

'Reverend' Jesse Jackson:

'Reverend' Al Sharpton:

'Reverend' Jesse Jackson:

'Reverend' Al Sharpton: "Bummer that boy wasn't white."

'Reverend' Jesse Jackson: "True dat."




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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Not a charlo"

Whew! Good thing. Had me worried there for a minute.




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Gore-Zilla

This nearly made me piss my pants when I saw it:

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From The 'DUH!!!' Files

Intelligence not linked to wealth, according to US study

AFP - Tue Apr 24, 8:23 PM ET Sent 747 times

WASHINGTON (AFP) - Intelligence has nothing to do with wealth, according to a US study published Tuesday which found that people with below average smarts were just as wealthy as those with higher IQ scores.
[...]

Well, no fucking shit. How many times have I said the same thing?

Most recently - Sean Penn and Tokyo Rosie O'Dongle come to mind. Other movie stars, talk show hosts, musicians, you name it. They all think fame=brains. Now the truth is out.




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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Re: prow rensselaer"

Absolutely. And right now!




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Ass Wipe

Shit wipe.
Butt scrub.
Bum fodder.

And so on...

Good gawd! Some people - take Tokyo Rosie-O for instance - I mean, just think about it. her ass is so huge, and she is so full of shit, one square of ass wipe? Get real.

I know Chery Crow was fucking around. She was making a joke. And no one in their right mind would take her seriously. But then again, she is an entertainer, and entertainers always think they know how to solve every issue.

Cher·yl·Crow /ˈɪdiət/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[Share-ill-kroh] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun

1.	an utterly foolish or senseless person.

2.	Psychology. a person of the lowest order in a former classification of mental retardation, having a mental age of less than three years old and an intelligence quotient under 25.

But nevertheless, here are a couple options if you happen to want to conserve shit scrub the "Crow" way":

• Use pages from the Koran instead

There should be enough of those floating around to get us by for quite some time. We wouldn't have to kill any trees to make ass wipe with for a quite a while. And really, that's about the only thing the book is good for anyway. On top of that, look at the statement you'll make to camel fuckers!

• Newspaper

A sheet of newspaper ought to be about the right size for Rosie's ass. It may take the entire Sunday paper to de-shit her canyon though.
Keep in mind though, as far left as most newspapers lean, you may have to reach around your right side with both hands to get a good scrub going.

• "O" Magazine

That one needs no explanation. There are few things that would make some people happier than a getting a good ass cleansing with Oprah's face.

So there you go. We have plenty of options on recycling other paper sources already in use. No need to conserve on the rolls of Charmin.




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A Funny

HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

1. Open a new file in your computer.

2. Name it "Hillary Rodham Clinton"

3. Send it to the trash.

4. Empty the trash.

5. Your PC will ask you, "Do you really want to get
rid of Hillary Rodham Clinton?"

6. Firmly Click "Yes."

7. Feel better.

PS: Next week we'll do Nancy Pelosi.

Hat tip to: Guy K.


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Von's

I'm impressed.

I went to Von's grocery store after work yesterday to pick up a few things.
Now usually, when you go to the store you hear some sort of 'Muzak' in the air - which, most times at least makes you yawn, if it doesn't put you to sleep in the aisles.

But no, Von's was playing some good shit. I was gathering up a cartload when "Tom Sawyer" by Rush came on the speakers.

Now that is some good shit to shop to.




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Good Gawd

Mock metal group Spinal Tap to reunite

AP - 2 hours, 11 minutes ago Sent 1,591 times

NEW YORK - Spinal Tap is back, and this time the band wants to help save the world from global warming.
[...]

Just what the world needs.




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My Hero

I friggin' love Andy Capp:







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Spam Subject Of The Day

"bovine cliffhanger"

The mental image alone is good enough for this one.




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I'll Catch Hell For This

Alcohol damages women's brains faster than men's

Reuters - Mon Apr 23, 3:11 PM ET Sent 110 times

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - The brain-damaging effects of alcohol strike women more quickly than men, a new study conducted in Russia confirms.
[...]

Yeah, tell us something we don't already know.

Oh fer gawd's sake. Sometimes the jokes just write themselves.




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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Pus offend"

Usually, yes.




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Thought for the day:

"Calling an illegal alien an "undocumented immigrant" is like calling a drug dealer an "unlicensed Pharmacist."

Thx. Jean :)

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Spam Subject Of The Day

This one is noteworthy because of the sender:

From: "Lunacies F. Voltmeter"

You sound like quite the electric individual.

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Well At Least We Know Where Her Priorities Lie

Hillary Clinton praises Rutgers team

By WAYNE PARRY
The Associated Press

NEW BRUNSWICK -- Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton met Friday with Rutgers women's basketball coach C. Vivian Stringer, and proclaimed that Rutgers "has a chance to be the leader of this teachable moment" on standing up to discrimination and marginalization.
[...]

After all the shit that went down last week at V.T., she chose the Sharpton path and went to Rutger's?

That just doesn't make any sense at all to me. But then, neither does Hitlery.




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Interview With The Curmudgeon

I thought I could just pass through and say 'Hi', but no. This nice young lady wouldn't let me do any drive-by commenting without guilting me into playing along:

"HEY YOU! C'mon PLAY THE GAME!"

she says.

Okay, I'll bite:

Here's 5 questions

1. Do you believe in reincarnation?
No. Who in their right mind would want to be reincarnated? Of all the living things one could possibly come back as, what are the odds you'll come back as something more desirable than say, a fucking cockroach?
And even if you come back as a human, what are the odds you'll come back as a rich King of San-hai-abhar-umbi-waheli or someplace? Yeah, fat chance.
No, the more likely scenario is that you'll come back as an assembly line worker for Nike in China, or a 10 year-old gay prostitute in Thailand.

2. Who's your daddy?
'What Mrs. Curmudgeon hears in the sack' for $1000, Alex.

3. What is our purpose here as humans?
That's deep. Way too deep.
I'm here to enjoy myself and die happy.

Seriously though, believe what you want as far as death, reincarnation, resurrection and "The Hereafter" is concerned, but I think we're here to be the best person we can be to ourselves and other people. The legacy you leave behind is what your memory will consist of.

4. Gold Canyon Candles or Yankee Candles?
I had to google this to even know what you were talking about. Does that answer the question?

5. Are you REALLY a curmudgeon or do you just play one on tv?
I never claim to be something I'm not. ;)

However, sometimes people read me wrong. I ain't really a grump. I'm normally a bit quiet - sometimes deep in thought, or as some would say, in a daze. This gets interpreted many times as sulking.

Okay, any of you brave enough to take me on as an interviewer?

Here are the rules if you want to keep it going:
1. *Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. *I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. *You will update your weblog with the answers to the questions.
4. *You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the
same post.
5. *When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.*

Don't be a chicken-shit. Do it. I dare you.




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E-Fucking-Zactly

As you know, I've been mentioning "D" a time or two. He goes by "Pick" most of the time, so that's what I'll refer to him here as.

In one of his notes I replied to, I asked if he minded me posting some of an email he sent. His reply:

"One of the reasons that make it worth strapping on bro...freedom of speech. Feel free to post anything you want that doesn't m bear ass you for knowing me"

M bare ass? Far from it. Damn proud to have you as a bud, Pick. I'm thinking up the recipe (home brew request) as we speak.

So with that I'll post a bit of news he sent:

[...]
The whole place is tucked into what is pretty much downtown Kabul, a pretty large city. I'd say similar to Denver. We are very secure, as just down the block is the presidential palace, various embassies, the International Security Force Afghanistan, etc. So there is pretty much an entire army of President Karzi's handpicked troops guarding us. I would say that in the 2 minute shuttle ride from the Safe houses to Camp Eggers you pass 5 checkpoints, are negotiating barriers the entire time, and pass maybe 200 armed soldiers. Very, very secure. Eggers itself is surrounded by a 20 something foot wall, and that's where the US forces take over with machine guns and tanks all over. And everyone is armed.

The safe houses are basically mansions that have been taken over by the various "foreign" militaries here. There are maybe 10 housing US troops, all in a one block area. This whole area is also patrolled by the same group of soldiers, with extremely controlled entry and is surrounded by a very high wall with razor wire on top. We are so safe that the only time we have to wear the body armour and have our weapons loaded is during the shuttle ride. At the safe houses and Camp Eggers you can take it off. I would estimate that each house is 6 to 8 bedroom and very nice with all the comforts of home, including cable tv and wireless internet access. So after I learn more I'll hopefully be able to hook up the laptop at "home".

I took a "pass" on the Driving training, as I had promised a certain blue eyed/red haired beauty to stay safe, so have no desire to leave the secure area and drive around. I saw all I need to see on the drive up from Bagram. The country is dry and mountainous, and we saw lots of Bedouin camps with their goats and camels. The city is chaotic as it digs itself out of the last 50 decades of Soviet then Taliban rule, with limited running water and electricity. Many of their buildings were destroyed in the wars and are still in ruins. Traffic is an absolute nightmare and I want nothing to do with it.

The Afghans themselves are simply overjoyed that we are here. We freed them from the Taliban which were pretty much hated by all, have maintained a very light hand and let them establish their own government, and pumped an enoumous amount of money into the country. They are very cordial and friendly...eager to be of any help they can. They have an old school way of making you feel welcome, preffering to chat and have tea before even thinking about getting down to bussiness. It's kinda charming, and I'm actually very impressed.

The fighting that remains in the Country is all concentrated down-south in the Kandahar area, the stronghold of al queda and the Talaban. The ease of hitting with an ied or sniper then slipping across the paki border is making life difficult. There are random, standoff attacks on coalition forces, but no pinched fire fights to speak of. The Afghans themselves are the only ones that get in that kind of fight, and they always win. The "spring offensive" is all a media hyped frenzy, and has developed into absolutely nothing.

So basically I've decided that I'm not here to fight anybody, I'm here to help a friend stand up. I think that is the attitude of everyone I work with. We maintain a very vigilant state, but the only real concerns are the very, very rare ied or suicide bomber.

How's that for a paper? Hah don't remember when I've rambled so much. But I hope it puts your mind at some ease, because I know the "not knowing" is the hard part.

And of course while I miss everyone terribly, I am still very glad that I am here and doing my small part to empower these people and let democracy shine. Their's is an old, old culture and they deserve a break.

[...]

That's the news so far. Now, if you have a minute and want to say 'Hello' to Pick, send an email to the address in my profile and I'll hand out his addy. I don't want spammers to go gabbing it, so I'll not post it here.





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