BWAH!

He used WHAT?
SYDNEY (Reuters) - It was a stick up of a different kind for one Australian burglar, who broke into a neighbor's house and played sex games in the bathroom with a bottle of toilet detergent and a vacuum cleaner.

A court in the northern city of Brisbane heard how 27 year old Jamie Lacey, high on drugs, broke into the house in September 2004, scattering pornographic magazines around the bathroom and making a sex toy from a bottle of detergent, a piece of wood and a rubber glove, the Brisbane Times reported.
[...]

BWAAAAAHHHH HAH HAH HAH HAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

Okay, I think I'm done now...

BWAAAAAHHHH HAH HAAAAAAHHHH HAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

Really I'm done now...

[snort]

Okay, so let's get this straight. Some dude gets all methed the fuck up, breaks in to the neighbors house, McGyver's himself up a dildo using a bottle of soap, a rubber glove and a piece of wood, which was most like the toilet plunger.

Then what? I'm guessing he shoves it up his ass, then commences to stick his dick in the vacuum hose or something?

Jeebus Kryst. Stay home and jack off next time, you fucking idiot.

BWAAAAAHHHH HAH HAH!!!

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Spam Subject Of The Day

From: "Kelvin M. Steele"
Subject: "My boyfriend's prick keeps slipping out."

Note that this is from a guy. His asshole must be the size of a cantaloupe.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

Text here.

"My new guy's member is enormous, and my mouth is tiny."

Do I sense a pattern here?




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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Just don't tell my Parents I'm doing this..... they really do not need to know..... ;)"

Oh come on now. You're 37 and still living in their basement while mommy still makes your bed. I'm sure they already know.




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Cock. I Suck Cock. I Want Cock. Gimme Some Cock

No, not me you sicko. A couple fags making movies. Keep reading...

Some headlines just say it all:

Gay porn actors charged with killing executive in scheme to work with star

CourtTV - Tue Jul 17, 5:36 PM ET

Two gay porn actors are facing murder charges for allegedly killing a porn executive in a dispute over a coveted actor.
[...]

So what did these two Nancy-boys do? Overdo it with the blow dryer? Suck him too far into a coma?

Good gawd. And people actually watch that shit.





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Spam Subject Of The Day

"For this film, I present the inaugural review of my daughter."

Mmmm...Say, she's hot. Look at those tits!




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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Hey [my email address], Drunk? so am I... On Yahoo Web Cum"

Not at the moment, but plan to be.

So, "web cum" - is that some new USB device?




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What's Good For The Goose...

Updated: Awwww. Poe widdoe babeeee...







Gotta love them paparazzi, no?

Oh, here's one more:






So I hear that worthless fucking cunt Parisite Hilton got turned loose.

No surprise, really. She has enough money to pay off any judge, jailer, warden, parole board, entire police department, entire state of KKKalifornia even, if that's what it takes to get her the hell out of the slammer.

Anyone else would be lucky to get off without spending a few months or years looking at striped sunlight while taking it in the ass from Bubba, losing their license, coughing up a hefty fine, spending a couple days in some sort of "Alcohol Awareness" class, a few more days in some sort of "Domestic Violence" class, maybe even a stint of house arrest on top of that.

But no, she gets a slap on the wrist. Well, not even that much really. She gets a light talking to. A "tsk tsk" from the judicial system, and - well, we'll see what the police department has to say when they make a formal statement, but you know as well as I do, someone - some high up official - is going to be taking a nice vacation real soon.

The moral of the story? Teach your kids how to be a prim and proper slut.
Most kids today aren't going to inherit a big chunk of change, or end up with a sizable trust fund. So they need to be able to marry into money. Lots of it.
That way, they can do whatever-the-fuck they want and not be held accountable for it.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"bigger"

Than most, yes.




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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Feeling better now"

Aaahh, gee. That's nice.

Now fuck off.




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Chew On This

Salad dressing semen spawns trouble

AP - Thu May 24, 10:59 PM ET

WHEATON, Ill. - A judge has ordered a 17-year-old to pay a $750 fine and perform 120 hours of community service for contaminating salad dressing with semen and returning it to a suburban Chicago high school's cafeteria.
[...]

So the kid takes a bottle of salad dressing into the shitter and jerks off into it.

Sorta makes you wonder how many times you've had the 'House Ranch' dressing at the local steak house and gotten a taste of some disgruntled cook's jiz, dunnit?




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Works For Me

Ban kept for gay men donating blood

AP - Wed May 23, 6:05 PM ET Sent 506 times

WASHINGTON - Gay men remain banned for life from donating blood, the government said Wednesday, leaving in place — for now — a 1983 prohibition meant to prevent the spread of HIV through transfusions.
[...]

Mark and I have a banter going on about donating blood. But, whatever. Don't matter.

I have been a regular donor for roughly, 15 years now and have donated - oh, I dunno. It seems like 100 gallons or so. They always ask if I have ever had sex "even once" with another male since 1977. Even though it has only been two months since the last visit, they don't ask "since your last visit." Note that I am always proud to announce, "NO!".

Were it the other way around, were I getting blood instead of giving, I would be quite hesitant about getting blood from a butt-fucker. I mean, besides not being a normal practice, it just seems - well - disgusting.




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Spam Subject Of The Day

"ATTENTION: To greatly"

Ah, yeah G.I. Me love you long time.




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Spam Subject Of The Day

"A iona to anadarko"

Yeah, I don't think so.





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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Pus offend"

Usually, yes.




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Spam Subject of the Day

"Trojan Latex Condoms On Us"

On you?
Why would I want used rubbers?




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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Righteous photon"

As opposed to an unrighteous photon?

I'm confused.



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Spam Subject Of The Day - DRAFT

" Take your dick to the next level"

So what am I supposed to say to that?





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Spam Subject Of The Day

Say "I can have sex all night long"!

Yeah, maybe a few years ago. Not any more.




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Swell

Birkhead is father of Anna Nicole's baby

Tue Apr 10, 5:27 PM ET

NASSAU (Reuters) - A former boyfriend, Larry Birkhead, was identified on Tuesday as the father of Playboy Playmate Anna Nicole Smith's 7-month-old daughter after DNA test results were released by a Bahamas court.
[...]

Nice to know that's settled.

So, hey Dickhead er, Birkhead. How does it make you feel to know there were that many other possibles? Does it make you feel good to know that the ho' you were soaking your dick in was getting drilled by that many other nice gents?
Luck y you. Your chamber happened to contain the lucky bullet.

A high five goes out to you there bro. Make that a double.




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