"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Monday, December 01, 2008

Why? When? I'll Be Damned. You Dun All That?

Saw this over at the Li'l Ole House by the Parkway. I thought "What the hell, I'll do it. I'm not very interested in doing anything really productive today."

Difference is, if there's something I have not done, I'll substitute it for something I have done.

So here's a bit about me:

1. Started your own blog
Duh. Five actually.

2. Slept under the stars
More times than I can count

3. Played in a band
High school? For years.
After high school? A couple. We sucked.

4. Visited Hawai’i.
Maybe one of these days. If Mrs Curmudgeon has her way.
Substitute Redwood forest here though.

5. Watched a meteor shower
Again, more times than I can count

6. Given more than you can afford to charity.
No, but Obama will be changing that.
But I have given more than I could afford to a family member who needed help.

7. Been to Disneyland
And DisneyWorld. Several times.

8. Climbed a mountain
Many, many, many.

9. Held a praying mantis
They're way cool. Until they jump.

10. Sang a solo
Not something you want me to do.

11. Bungee jumped
Maybe when hell freezes over.
I'll throw in whitewater rafting down the Colorado here.

12. Visited Paris
They talk funny.
I'll change this to Drive through the wild animal park near San Antonio.
Had a buffalo stick his head in through the window. I know first hand where the term 'buffalo breath' comes from. Good gawd - a - mighty.

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
Cruise ships tend to avoid them.
You haven't heard a lightning storm until you've had it surround you at 10,000 feet in the mountains.

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
Some painting, some sketching.

15. Adopted a child
Just dogs.

16. Had food poisoning
Not something you want to try.

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
Never been to NYC.
I've been on top of the Sears tower in Chicago. But I didn't walk.

18. Grown your own vegetables
We had a garden every year when I was a lad. I kept up the habit for a spell after I moved out of the house.

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
Never left North America.
I've seen some of van gogh work though.

20. Slept on an overnight train
A couple times. But it was coach, not in a sleeper.

21. Had a pillow fight
With the strobe light blinking. You should try it sometime.

22. Hitchhiked
Two flat tires and only one spare. Didn't enjoy having to do it.

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
I would dare say this is the item on the list bolded by more people than any other.

24. Built a snow fort
Many, many times.

25. Held a lamb
From the front or from the back? ;)

26. Gone skinny dipping
Second most bolded item on the list maybe?

27. Run a marathon
Why would I? I have a drivers license.
I have run for my life during a coal mine cave-in though.

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
Paddled a rubber raft. Close enough.

29. Seen a total eclipse
Partial eclipse=partial bold. I've seen at least a dozen.

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
Both. Often.

31. Hit a home run
Pervert. Always talking sex.
Scored a touchdown though.

32. Been on a cruise
A couple.

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
Not yet. I plan to.
I have seen Bryce Canyon. Have you?

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
Maybe one of these days.
I've visited Mayan ruins. More than once. Amazing.

35. Seen an Amish community
Nope.
Throw "polygamist community" in here though.

36. Taught yourself a new language
I'll bold this because I started learning German. I can't speak it but I can somewhat understand some.

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
I'm about as close as I think I will ever be.

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
Whoever drummed this thing up seems to have been all over New York and Italy. There is much more than those two places on this planet.
I'll substitute Ansazi ruins here for a poorly designed tower.

39. Gone rock climbing
A bit. With only a rope.

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
Nope.
But I have seen many petroglyphs and pictographs.

41. Sung karaoke
Hell no. There ain't enough alcohol in a tavern to get me up there like that.
I have had small parts in stage productions.

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
And a few others.

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
Once.
I also bought bread, milk, coffee, meat and cheese for a bum outside a restaurant in lieu of a handout.

44. Visited Africa
Probably never will
I have visited Cozumel though

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
And swam in the ocean, while fornicating. Or is it fornicated while swimming in the ocean?
Oh well. You get the idea.

46. Been transported in an ambulance
I hope to never have that opportunity.
But I'll substitute 'Driven a tractor' here.

47. Had your portrait painted
A caricature will have to do here.

48. Gone deep sea fishing
Never been so sick in my life. Bad, bad waves.

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
Nope.
As for religious buildings though, let's use the mormon temple in Salt Lake City, along with the tabernacle. (Where the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sings).

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
Again, nope.
I'll substitute the Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas. It's a half scale replica. Fuck it. Close enough.

51. Gone SCUBA diving or snorkeling
In Cozumel and Xcaret. Very nice.

52. Kissed in the rain
Huh? Nope.
Ran nekkid through the snow when I was a teenager.
It was a bet. What can I say?

53. Played in the mud
Good gawd. I was a boy once.

54. Gone to a drive-in theater
And wired the stereo in my truck so I could plug it into the bogus speaker that hung on your window. Only way you could hear what the hell was going on.
At least during the movies where no date was involved. ;)

55. Been in a movie
'Fraid not.
Made the news once though.

56. Visited the Great Wall of China
Nope.
Been 5 miles underground in a mine for several years.

57. Started a business
Stupidest thing I ever did. Wrong people.

58. Taken a martial arts class
Uh-uh.
Watched 'Kung Fu' when I was young.

59. Visited Russia
Nyet.
The United States is going that direction though.

60. Served at a soup kitchen
Nope.
I was a bus boy for a while. That sucked.

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
Never have.
Swam with the sting rays in the Caymans once. What a trip.

62. Gone whale watching
We saw some by being in the right place at the right time. Not on a planned excursion.

63. Got flowers for no reason
A cookie bouquet is the same thing - for a guy.

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
They call me every time I am eligible, and I donate. I'm up to about 60 donations now.

65. Gone sky diving
No reason to jump out of a perfectly good airplane.
I've flown through the air on a snowmobile a couple times.
Exhilarating.

66. Visited a Nazi concentration camp
I would like to.
I'll substitute visiting a dinosaur quarry for this one.

67. Bounced a check
Got my checkbooks mixed up once. The closed account with the newly opened one in a different town. Wrote three or four bad checks before I realized it. Made good on all of them though. One while sitting in the sheriff's office.

68. Flown in a helicopter
No, although it would be a hoot.
I've flown in a six-seater and landed atop a mesa though.

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
A couple. :)

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
Nope.
Visited Yellowstone park in the winter is a good choice here.

71. Eaten caviar
Atop some sushi.

72. Pieced a quilt
Helped my mother do it.

73. Stood in Times Square
Not something I ever care to do.
I've cruised the Las Vegas strip and Fremont street. Which is something you can't do any more.

74. Toured the Everglades
No. Driven by.
Hauled hay when I was a kid. A lot of people have never had that 'pleasure'.

75. Been fired from a job
The boss was a dumbass. It was a boiler room operation and I didn't know it at the time, but he had planned on only keeping me around while I finished a particular project. I worked myself out of a job.

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
No.
Been in huge underground caverns though. Stalagmites and stalactites are most awesome.

77. Broken a bone
My pinky toe on my right foot. Sunuvabitch that hurt.

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
I'll substitute ATV here. Love them things.

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
A couple times. Everyone should see it.

80. Published a book
Sounds like a pain in the ass to me.
I'm a programmer. Some of my applications are used around the world. Close enough.

81. Visited the Vatican
No.
A Mayan sacrificial temple. Same thing, right?

82. Bought a brand new car
Several.

83. Walked in Jerusalem
Nope.
Walked in the Nevada desert though.

84. Had your picture in the newspaper
Again, a few times.

85. Read the entire Bible
And several other religious works. Yaaaaawwwwn.

86. Visited the White House
I'll definitely stay away from there for at least four years.
I've been to the San Diego zoo. That can last a couple days.

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
And fish.

88. Had chickenpox
I was a wee bit of a lad. Don't remember it but my mother told me stories.

89. Saved someone’s life
I drug a friend out of the garage after he left the engine running and the door closed. Yes, it was on purpose. After he shafted me in later years, I realized I should have left the asshole in there.

90. Sat on a jury
I've always gotten out of jury duty.
Had to show up as a witness once though.

91. Met someone famous
Had a nice conversation with Robert Goulet while painting inside his house once upon a time.

92. Joined a book club
No freaking way. Nor a record club.
I'll put here that we have probably 10 magazine subscriptions. More than we need.


93. Lost a loved one
I don't think there are many people who haven't.

94. Had a baby
I didn't. She did. My first wife. I'm not absolutely sure it was mine.

95. Seen the Alamo in person
I did. Neat place.

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
"Float like a cork" it says on the billboard. Trust me. You don't want to swallow any of that water.
You don't really want to swim in it if you get the chance either.

97. Been involved in a law suit
Does divorce court count? Does for me.

98. Owned a cell phone
Good gawd. In this day and age?

99. Been stung by a bee
Yeah, I was up about 20 feet on a ladder, spray gun in one hand, shield in the other, and right in front of my face was a hole in the awnings where the hornets came in and out.
Ever try to climb down a ladder with tools in your hand while being chased by a hornet? Not fun.

100. Read an entire book in one day
Big deal. When you're laid up, the last thing you want to be is laid up. Something has to occupy your time. And it ain't going to be daytime teevee.


So there you have it. A little slice of my existence.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

4 comments:

Jean said...

from coal mines to canyons to blood banks to...

I see we could be in for a treat reading all the stories you could share for a very long time.
Lucky us.

Funny how a list of simple questions can reveal so much. You are such a good guy.

curmudgeon said...

And you got all the way through this thing? You must be bored. :)

mike c. said...

hey, diamond dave.
i was reading over your answers and comments here and #57 caught my eye. last week or so julie was cleaning her office and found a business card from cavalier communications. on the back of it was directions i had hand written en route to mammoth cave when we went there on the way home from navajo lake that time i got the real bad sunburn and you made lamb stew for dinner at the campground. 'member that? i think it was around 1996.

curmudgeon said...

Damn! That was a looooong time ago.
I remember it well though. We caught a ton of tiny fish and ate good chow. And you were a sore mutherfukker.