"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Who Knows

Oklahoma Rep. Sally Kern's Views on Homosexuality Ignite Controversy Again

OKLAHOMA CITIZEN’S PROCLAMATION FOR MORALITY

We the People of Oklahoma, Invoking the guidance of Almighty God, in order to secure and perpetuate the blessing of Liberty; to secure just and rightful Government; to promote our mutual Welfare and Happiness, do establish this proclamation and call upon the people of the great State of Oklahoma, and our fellow Patriots in these United States of America who look to the Lord for guidance, to acknowledge the need for a national awakening of righteousness in our land.

WHEREAS, “It is Religion and Morality alone, which can establish the Principles upon which Freedom can securely stand” (John Adams); and

WHEREAS, “We have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by Religion and Morality” (John Adams); and

WHEREAS, “Our Constitution was made only for a Moral and Religious people” (John Adams); and

WHEREAS, “We have staked the whole future of American civilization, not upon the power of government…but upon the capacity of mankind for self-government, upon the capacity of each and all of us to govern ourselves, to control ourselves, to sustain ourselves according to the Ten Commandments of God” (James Madison); and

WHEREAS, “Freedom is not a gift bestowed upon us by other men, but a right that belongs to us by the laws of God (Benjamin Franklin); and

WHEREAS, “God who gave us life gave us liberty and can the liberties of a nation be thought secure when we have removed their only firm basis, a conviction in the minds of the people that these liberties are of the Gift of God” (Thomas Jefferson); and

WHEREAS, “Whether any free government can be permanent, where the public worship of God, and the support of Religion, constitute no part of the policy or duty of the state” (Joseph Story); and

WHEREAS, “We hold sacred the rights of conscience, and promise to the people…the free and undisturbed exercise of their religion” (Roger Sherman); and

WHEREAS, “This great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians” (Patrick Henry); and

WHEREAS, “When you…exercise the right of voting for public officers, let it be impressed upon your mind that God commands you to choose just men who will rule in the fear of God” (Noah Webster); and

WHEREAS, “The principles of genuine Liberty and of wise laws and administrations are to be drawn from the Bible” (Noah Webster); and

WHEREAS, the people of Oklahoma have a strong tradition of reliance upon the Creator of the Universe; and

WHEREAS, we believe our economic woes are consequences of our greater national moral crisis; and

WHEREAS, this nation has become a world leader in promoting abortion, pornography, same sex marriage, sex trafficking, divorce, illegitimate births, child abuse, and many other forms of debauchery; and

WHEREAS, alarmed that the Government of the United States of America is forsaking the rich Christian heritage upon which this nation was built; and

WHEREAS, grieved that the Office of the president of these United States has refused to uphold the long held tradition of past presidents in giving recognition to our National Day of Prayer; and

WHEREAS, deeply disturbed that the Office of the president of these United States disregards the biblical admonitions to live clean and pure lives by proclaiming an entire month to an immoral behavior;

NOW THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED that we the undersigned elected officials of the people of Oklahoma, religious leaders and citizens of the State of Oklahoma, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world, solemnly declare that the HOPE of the great State of Oklahoma and of these United States, rests upon the Principles of Religion and Morality as put forth in the HOLY BIBLE; and

BE IT RESOLVED that we, the undersigned, believers in the One True God and His only Son, call upon all to join with us in recognizing that “Blessed is the Nation whose God is the Lord,” and humbly implore all who love Truth and Virtue to live above reproach in the sight of God and man with a firm reliance on the leadership and protection of Almighty God; and

BE IT RESOLVED that we, the undersigned, humbly call upon Holy God, our Creator, Sustainer, and Redeemer, to have mercy on this nation, to stay His hand of judgment, and grant a national awakening of righteousness and Christian renewal as we repent of our great sin.

Signed on the second day of July in the year of our Lord Christ Two Thousand and Nine
Well, there you have it. The representative makes a bible-thumping, praise jeebus sermon on the evils of the world, and the next thing you know, dikes and butt-fuckers are throwing yet another tantrum.

Well, she is definitely a zealot and has gone a bit overboard. But face it - shit ain't working the way things are going now, so ... well, prove to me she's wrong.

She may not be totally right either, but like I said. Prove to me she's wrong about how people with a few morals don't beat up their kids. Or kill their unborn for convenience. Or worry more about their next pipe full of crack more than getting a fucking job.





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Spam Subject of the Day

"Who killed Michael Jackson?"
Who cares, as long as he's dead?



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Monday, June 29, 2009

Busy Week

Reckon the man upstairs has been a bit busy the last week or so:




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Great Idea

I need to get me a set of these:





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Spam Subject of the Day

"Fornicate like a macho!"
BWAH!!! A new way of wording it. I love it!



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Friday, June 26, 2009

P.U.C.

You know what I hate? Not quite as much as the current administration occupying the White house, but - well, indirectly, I guess they're related.
I hate the fucking public utilities.

Power, water, sewer, ... They're all a bunch of self-righteous greedy fucks.

See, here's the deal. We live in a fucking desert. A desert - in case you didn't know, is hot and dry. Not a lot of free-running water. And the sun? It pounds relentlessly and mercilessly during the summer months, to the tune of no less than 95 degrees, all the way to around 120 or more. This according to my thermometer, not the 'official temperature at McCaran Airport'.

The wind is usually blowing a bit, anywhere from a slight breeze to an all out pain in the ass whirlwind-birthing motherfucker, throwing leaves, dirt, dust, sand, Taco Bell wrappers, grocery bags and garbage cans through the air and into the yard. But no matter how mild or strong the wind is, it is never a cool breeze in the summer. Blowing around 100 degree plus air is akin to standing in front of a couple dozen blow dryers all set to high. There is very little humidity, so you sweat, but you don't stay wet.

The water company asks you to conserve water as - to quote one of their public service campaigns - "It's a desert out there."
The power company asks you to set the temperature of your thermostat to 78 or higher, instead of 76, as "Even a couple of degrees makes a difference."

So to that end, I adjust my watering schedule, usage and habits to comply with their wishes and help the rest of us citizens conserve water. I buy programmable thermostats and adjust the temperature of the house to save on the power bill.
And how do I get rewarded? Other than the personal satisfaction that I am doing my part, saving my household money, and saving the planet from all those carbon emissions? [snicker] I get rate increases.

Yes, the companies have budgeted for, and are counting on X dollars for the next fiscal year. Well, us folks conserve power and water and the companies don't get as big of a paycheck from us as they thought they would, so they run to the Public Utilities Commission and ask for rate increases. Our power bill is going up next month - one of the hottest months of the year, and it will continue to go up "gradually" until it reaches the rate increase the power company asked for.
They are asking for these increases so they can build more generating stations. So I ask then, why would they need more money to build more generating stations if we are using less power?

Let me know if you ever figure it out, would ya'?
Buncha cocksuckers.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"propylene"
As in propylene glycol?
I hear it's good mixed with vodka.



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Thursday, June 25, 2009

Speaking Of Weird Shit

This is the weirdest fucking guitar I've ever seen:



Just ... why?


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NEWS FLASH!!!

You've probably heard by now:
Michael Jackson dies in LA hospital
Well, let me be the first to say ....

Here are some of the best Michael Jackson Jokes ever!:

Q: What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A: One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in.

Q: How can you tell if Michael Jackson has a hot date?
A: There’s a big wheel parked outside his house.

Q: Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds?
A: Because there are twenty of them.

Q: Who does Michael Jackson consider a Perfect “10″?
A: Two 5 year olds.

Q: How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A: From a catalogue.

Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??
A: He thought it was a delivery service.

Q: What has 18 balls and 3 pubic hairs?
A: A Michael Jackson slumber party.

Q: Did you know they’re putting out a Michael Jackson stamp?
A: Fans get to vote for the white or black Michael Jackson.

Q: What’s brown and often found in a baby’s diaper?
A: Michael Jackson’s hand.

Q: Why was Michael Jackson spotted at K-Mart?
A: He heard boys' pants were half-off !!

Q: What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?
A: Get out of my son!!

Q: What do you do if Michael Jackson is drowning?
A: Throw him a buoy !!

Q: What do Michael Jackson and a Big Mac have in common?
A: They're both 30 year old meat between 10 year old buns!

Q: Why are Michael Jackson's pants so small?
A: Because they aren't his!

`What's black and comes in little white cans?
~Michael Jackson`

The Pope has issued a proclamation on Michael Jackson. If he hears any more allegations about little boys, the Pope says he'll have no choice but to make him a priest.

`What's the worst stain to try to remove from a little boy's underpants?
~Michael Jackson's makeup.

Okay, I guess that's enough for now.
Except for the picture:


Goofy fucker. No big loss to the world as far as I'm concerned.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Famous girls naked"
Yeah, right. Probably 'girls' like Oprah, Michelle Obama, Janet Reno,...



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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Any Crocheters Out There?

It's the wrong time of the year right now, but if you get busy now, you can have one made for the man in your life by winter:




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News From Bumfuckistan

I hadn't mentioned this before, and I'm not exactly sure why, but I have a nephew who is currently stationed in Afghanistan.
He has been there several months - at his own behest. He has been a voluntary employee of Uncle Sam for quite a few years, formerly in the Army, and most recently in the Army Reserves.
He requested an overseas stint as a career move, and has already requested another when this one is up in another couple weeks.

We got news last week that his company had been in a firefight and a couple of his buds had ended up being treated for some minor wounds. He also ended up being treated for smoke inhalation and what they at first thought was a broken arm. Turns out, it was quite a bad bruise, but no break. And no bullet holes.

So like I said, his current stint is almost up, but we of course, won't totally relax until he is back.

In the meantime 'J', keep low. And thanks.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Enter her twat like a bull"
She loves it when I do that.
Snorting and grunting, pawing at the sheets, ...



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Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Spam Subject of the Day

" The Powwer of Fsoreplay"
Yup, "soreplay" is what happens if you play too much.



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Monday, June 22, 2009

Mission Accomplished!

PETA Says No More Fly-Killing, Sends Obama a Humane Fly Catcher

June 17, 2009 10:55 PM

ABC News' Sunlen Miller reports:

PETA has a few words for President Obama: Brush, don’t kill.

After the President very publically swatted and then killed a fly during an interview with CNBC yesterday, the outspoken animal rights group PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) said they wished Obama had served a better example.

“We support compassion for the even the smallest animals," says Bruce Friedrich, VP for Policy at PETA. “We support giving insects the benefit of the doubt."[...]
Uh, yeah. Fuck you, PETArds.

There are people - HUMANS!!! - dying of all sorts of starvation, disease, famine, oppression, incarceration and crimes against humanity world wide, and these fucks are concerned about a fly?

You know what would be the best education for someone who contributes or supports fuckheads like PETA? Let's have you go live as a citizen or a subject to the government of China, North Korea, the taliban, ...
Go walk a mile in their shoes, then come back and tell me you still support the humane release of a fucking fly. If you do, fine. I'll respect your opinion. I'll also recommend that you be locked away where you can no longer be a danger to yourself or others, because you are obviously too stupid to make sound judgments or decisions.



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Watta Maroon

I did something real stupid last night. I watched "60 Minutes". I know, you're going to say "You deserve everything you got". Well, you're right. I haven't watched that dumb ass show for years, and all of sudden there it was staring me in the face. Like the morbid curiosity of a car wreck, I couldn't turn away.

Actually, the interview with LeBron James was good, but good gawd-a-mighty. Anderson Cooper is about the stupidest, lyingest, libtardest mother fucker I've should never have seen.
Cooper was talking to another lying, cheating, libtard - secretary of the Department of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, about the "war on drugs", and the sad state of Mexico. He actually said that 90% of all the guns used in the murders and mayhem in Mexico came from the United States.

The fact is, he is full of shit. Roughly 90% of the traceable guns, guns which even had serial numbers did come from the United States. But that 90% came from roughly 17% of the total guns confiscated! The rest, there are no records for, where they can actually prove the source.
What a stupid fuck! Does he not realize there are tons of other countries who have a stake in the drug business? Who are willing to supply Mexican cartels with guns to keep the drug supply moving?

Good gawd-a-mighty. Cold day in hell. That's when I'll watch 60 Minutes or Dave Letterman again.


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Yup

I made it back from the long weekend.

A good time. Now I need a vacation.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Every girl can look like a supermodel and we can prove that."
No proof needed. All it takes is a six-pack or so.



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Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Miss Me?

In case you're interested, I'll be outta town the rest of the week. Heading for the hills to play, fish, hang, ...
See ya'll Monday!




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That Hurt

[...]
“Thank you. So I would like to apologize, especially to the two daughters involved, Bristol and Willow, and also to the Governor and her family and everybody else who was outraged by the joke. I’m sorry about it and I’ll try to do better in the future. Thank you very much.”
It took him a week to man up and apologize, so I'll give him that.
He realized he couldn't joke his way out of it any more and finally had to lose his adolescent, condescending asshole-edness and do what was right.

Well Letterman, fuck you. You still suck, and I refuse to watch your lame-ass show.


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This Ain't Good

Microbe Wakes Up After 120,000 Years

LiveScience.com - Mon Jun 15, 11:46 AM ETSent 135 times

After more than 120,000 years trapped beneath a block of ice in Greenland, a tiny microbe has awoken. The long-lasting bacteria may hold clues to what life forms might exist on other planets.
[...]
You folks shouldn't be fucking with mother nature like that. This may very well end up another "Andromeda Strain" type scenario here.






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Spam Subject of the Day

"We Provide Very Hot Deals On Soft."
What the fuck? You keep nagging me to buy shit to make it hard! Make up your fucking mind!




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Monday, June 15, 2009

Spam Subject of the Day

"Chicks dig huge digs - get one"
Huge digs? Well then, gimme one!



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Friday, June 12, 2009

Speaking Of Teevee Shit

I just remembered. Today is the day of the big Analog->Digital teevee switch.

WOOHOO!!!! I won't have to listen to those stupid fucking commercials any more about how my teevee will go all fuzzy if I don't have a box!!!

It would have fucking been done months ago if the fuckhead in the White House and his minions wouldn't have delayed it. And I was holding my breath thinking the asshole would do it again, but PRAISE ALLAH!!! IT'S OVER!!!



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A Funny




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What Are The Odds

Boy Hit by Meteorite

SPACE.com - 1 hour, 14 minutes agoSent 337 times

A 14-year old German boy was hit in the hand by a pea-sized meteorite that scared the bejeezus out of him and left a scar.
[...]
BWAH!!! I didn't even make that quote up! But I couldn't have said it better.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Plans for weekend?"
Alcohol will be involved.



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Thursday, June 11, 2009

WOOHOO!!!

Relief from loud TV ads may be near

McClatchy Newspapers

By Carrie Wells, McClatchy Newspapers Carrie Wells, Mcclatchy Newspapers – Wed Jun 10, 4:27 pm ET

WASHINGTON — Congress soon might mute screaming TV-ad announcers who press viewers to "buy now!" — if broadcasters don't beat the lawmakers to the volume button.
[...]
It's about fucking time.

There aren't many things that are more of an abomination than teevee ads in the first place. But when they fucking screech at you out of nowhere, it curdles the blood.




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This Day In History

From History.com:
1979 : John Wayne dies

On this day in 1979, John Wayne, an iconic American film actor famous for starring in countless westerns, dies at age 72 after battling cancer for more than a decade.

The actor was born Marion Morrison on May 26, 1907, in Winterset, Iowa, and moved as a child to Glendale, California. A football star at Glendale High School, he attended the University of Southern California on a scholarship but dropped out after two years. After finding work as a movie studio laborer, Wayne befriended director John Ford, then a rising talent. His first acting jobs were bit parts in which he was credited as Duke Morrison, a childhood nickname derived from the name of his beloved pet dog.

[...]
Ah, The Duke. One of my favorite all-time actors.

Some people remember where they were and what they were doing the day they heard J.F.K., Elvis, even John Lennon died. I can tell you exactly where I was and what I was doing when I heard about The Duke.
You wouldn't be interested so I won't. But I do remember a feeling of a big loss.





Quotes:
"Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid."

"Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday."

"If you've got them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow."
John Wayne
Famous movie quotes:
"I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted, and I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people and I expect the same from them."
John Bernard Books (The Shootist)

"All battles are fought by scared men who'd rather be some place else."
Capt. Rockwell Torrey (In Harm's Way)

"I'm looking at a tin star with a ... DRUNK pinned on it."
(El Dorado)

"I haven't lost my temper in 40 years; but, Pilgrim, you caused a lot of trouble this morning; might have got somebody killed; and somebody oughta belt you in the mouth. But I won't. I won't. The hell I won't!"
(McLintock!)

"Burnin' Daylight!"
(The Cowboys)

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Spam Subject of the Day

"You were banned"
BWAH!!! So were you!!!



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Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Sieg Heil

Obama move would eliminate 8 of 10 pocketknives

'If this were to pass and you cross the state line with one, it's a felony'
Posted: June 09, 2009
8:40 pm Eastern

By Bob Unruh
© 2009 WorldNetDaily

The U.S. Customs and Border Protection Agency is proposing a new definition that could be used to eliminate 8 of 10 legal pocketknives in the United States right now, according to activists who are gearing up to fight the plan.
[...]
Give me a fucking break. What's next, axes? Tire irons? Screwdrivers? Kitchen knives? Scissors?

I don't know who the fuck these people think they are, but every one of you assholes who voted for them can kiss my ass.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"During the crises we are dropping prices. "
What a fucking poet.




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Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Spam Subject of the Day

"Your salary changed"
No, but my take-home is since we got that stupid fucker in the White house.



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Monday, June 08, 2009

Spam Subject of the Day

"Kills dangerous bacteria dead"
So now you're trying to sell me Listerine?



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Friday, June 05, 2009

Friday Fap

I know it's a sacred institution around Mark's place, but here? Not so much.




Sorry Mark. I couldn't help it.


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Glass-hoppa

I just can't help but comment on this:
Thai police: Carradine death may be accidental

40 minutes ago

BANGKOK - The body of American actor David Carradine, best known for the 1970s TV series "Kung Fu," was found in a hotel room closet with a rope tied to his neck and genitals, and his death may have been caused by accidental suffocation, Thai police said Friday.
[...]
Those of you who don't see the connection of the title to this story have never seen the old teevee series, "Kung Fu". Look it up.

Anyway, what a way to go. What a legacy to leave your family. Death by hanging, most likely self inflicted.

I guess I just don't understand the fascination with having a brush with death while jerking off, but it seems to be all the rage. Usually with the younger set though.

Another thing that cracks me up about this scenario is the movie Carradine was there making was named "Stretch". I guess he did some stretching all right. Stretched his neck while stretching his dick.





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Spam Subject of the Day

"oorkonkels"
Damn tootin'!



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Thursday, June 04, 2009

Spam Subject of the Day

"Your IP sends spam"
Pot, meet kettle.



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Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Ask The Curmudgeon

Q- How can I test if my son is gay? I want to get him tested. Isn't it possible to get a hormone check? A vocal chord check? Can't a doctor indicate if he's gay or not? My son has almost no muscles and narrow shoulders. He also has blue eyes. He talks in a very high voice and when he sings, he sounds like a castrato. He tells me his voice is called tenor.
How can I tell if my son is gay?

A- Well, there's a really simple test you can perform without even leaving the house.
Mold a clay volcano and get some vinegar and baking soda. Pour some vinegar in the volcano, then spoon in some baking soda. Now if while the volcano is busy erupting your son is too busy sucking cock to notice, he's gay.




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Fucking Shit

If you use the FireFox browser, you may want to read this article:

Microsoft may be Firefox's worst vulnerability
In a surprise move this year, Microsoft has decided to quietly install what amounts to a massive security vulnerability in Firefox without informing the user. Find out what Microsoft has to say about it, and how you can undo the damage.
[...]
In the browser wars world, Microsoft has gone and fucked with it's biggest competition. Trying to render it unsafe and get users to abandon it for their own shit.

By all rights, this should turn into a class action non-compete case. Assholes.

Yeah, I know. Linux blah blah blah. But when that isn't an option and you're stuck with Microsloth, that's what you use.




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Spam Subject of the Day

"Make this Valentine's Day the most memorable ever"
Sorry sport, you missed it.



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Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Spam Subject of the Day

"Get Woodstock Hippie arousal"
Good gawd. Just what I need.




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Monday, June 01, 2009

Baseball, Hotdogs, Apple Pie And Democrats


GM files for bankruptcy, Chrysler sale cleared


Reuters – 56 mins ago

DETROIT/WASHINGTON (Reuters) - General Motors Corp filed for bankruptcy on Monday, forcing the 100-year-old automaker once seen as a symbol of American economic might and dynamism into a new and uncertain era of government ownership.
[...]
Good thing they got all that stimulus money, eh?

I've never bought anything for myself but Chevy trucks, except for one time when I bought a used Dodge truck for a commuter. I hope Government Motors eventually gets their shit together because I know that one of these days, I'm going to have to replace my truck. And I have no intention of buying a fucking rice burner.

Update:
Just 21% Favor GM Bailout Plan, 67% Oppose

"Only 21% of voters nationwide support a plan for the government to bail out General Motors as part of a structured bankruptcy plan to keep the troubled auto giant in business.

The latest Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey finds that 67% are opposed to a plan that would provide GM with $50 billion in funding and give the government a 70% ownership interest in the company.

Even when presented with the stark choice between providing government funding or letting GM go out of business, only 32% of voters support the bailout. Most voters (56%) say it would be better to let GM go out of business.

As on many issues, there is a huge gap between the views of the Political Class and the rest of the nation. By a two-to-one margin, the Political Class says it is better to provide the bailout funding than to let GM fail. "
See, that's why we hold elections. We vote into public office, the people we think will best represent us.

Right?

Right?



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Penis Growth Patches are here!"
What's this? Something a guy wraps around his dick?



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