The Economy

Some old, some new to me.
Via email:

The economy is so bad that…

…I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

…African television stations are now showing ' Sponsor an American Child' commercials!

…Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can' t afford batteries.

…I ordered a burger at McDonald' s and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

…CEO' s are now playing miniature golf.

…Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

…My ATM gave me an IOU!

…A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

…I saw a polygamist with only one wife.

…I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with purchase was a bank.

…If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

…McDonald' s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

…Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

…Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.

…My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

…A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

…Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

…A picture is now only worth 200 words.

…They renamed Wall Street "Wal-Mart Street."

…When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

…The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

…Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

Sad but true.


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Happy Friggin' Anniversary To Me!!!

Just thought I would let you all know that as of today, me and Mrs. Curmudgeon have been married 24 years.

Now I know that some folks have been married a lot longer than we have, and congratulations on that. But there are many, many more who don't last near that long. So I say we deserve a pat on the back. :)




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Hoppy Esther

Yeah, I spelled it like I wanted to spell it.

Anyway, I hope you all had a good Easter weekend and all that shit.

Easter - you know, the 'other' big religious to-do Christians have every year. Along with "Black Friday", we also have a "Black Sunday". This isn't as big of spending day for merchants, other than extra beer, hams and BBQ grills, but it does help put the church coffers in the black for the year.
Standing room only at the churches by the people who call themselves Christians yet only go to church twice a year - Easter Sunday and Christmas eve. But it makes for a decent haul by the preachers. Probably gets them a new roof or organ for the church and a new Cadillac in the driveway.

Halle-friffin'-lujah. Show how much you love Jeebus by filling up the collection plate!

So anyway, it was a good weekend around the house. We had the family over and made ham, ribs and tater salad. Hot food, beautiful weather, and cold beer.

Ahhh. I love Easter.



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From The W.T.F? Files

Boyfriend: Woman lived in bathroom

By ROXANA HEGEMAN, Associated Press Writer 2 hours, 22 minutes ago

WICHITA, Kan. - A 35-year-old woman who sat on her boyfriend's toilet for so long that her body was stuck to the seat by the time he called police had a phobia about leaving the bathroom, the boyfriend said.
[...]

The case drew nationwide attention after Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said it appeared the Ness City woman's skin had grown around the seat in the two years she apparently was in the bathroom.

"We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital," Whipple said. "The hospital removed it."

McFarren, 36, said he can't be certain how long Pam Babcock stayed in the bathroom because "time just went by so quick I can't pinpoint how long." He said beatings she received in her childhood caused her phobia.
[...]

My, how time flies when you're having fun.

Okay, obviously she's a fucking nut. But him? Why would you go that long and not think something about the situation was a bit odd?

They both need to be committed. Or better yet...




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Isn't It Iconic [sic]

Nifty how this headline:

Burger King to limit ads aimed at children under 12

Wed Sep 12, 12:19 AM ET

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Fast-food chain Burger King Holdings Inc said on Tuesday that, beginning late next year, it will limit advertising aimed at children younger than 12 to food and drinks that meet strict nutritional guidelines.
[...]

Runs almost back to back with this one:

Child malnutrition in Somalia at critical levels: U.N. Wed Sep 12, 5:04 AM ET

NAIROBI (Reuters) - Child malnutrition in Somalia is at critical levels due to violence and lack of access for aid workers, the U.N. children's agency said on Wednesday.
[...]

Whopper King is marketing to the wrong demographic. They need to spend a few more advertising dollars in Somalia! Get the parents to buy their kids some cheeseburgers and fries, and they wouldn't be so damn hungry all the time.



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SHAAARON!

Ozzy Osbourne to help Taiwan in U.N. membership quest

Wed Jul 4, 7:00 AM ET

TAIPEI (Reuters) - After 14 failed attempts at joining the United Nations using media campaigns and presidential appeals, Taiwan is turning to a local goth-style rock band backed by Ozzy Osbourne in its quest for membership to the world body.
[...]

"I think sslfji Tai-Tai-Tai ssdklf Taiwan pwerweeru where I can get kskldf my Thai stick sdlsdf Taiwan lsjdj needs to join skrjeo UN. UN? Whuzzat? eertj Taiwan.... xcxcsddf SHAAARON!! Whass whassat I say here, SHAAARON!! skklsll"




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Wait, What?

Schwarzenegger: Turn off Spanish TV

AP - Thu Jun 14, 7:23 PM ET

SAN JOSE, Calif. - Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger told a gathering of Hispanic journalists that immigrants should avoid Spanish-language media if they want to learn English quickly.
[...]

The first thought I had was "No shit!". The next was "Is that really Arnie? From California? He's saying that? A government official from California is actually making sense?"

Where's that bus I need to jump in front of? I have truly seen it all now.


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Quote Of The Day

"It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but only 3 for a proper trigger squeeze."

BWAH!





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Spam Subject Of The Day

"that glue"

Which glue? Oh that glue.



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Non-Issue

New, unknown climate zones seen by 2100: study

Reuters - Tue Mar 27, 4:28 AM ET

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Global warming could re-make the world's climate zones by 2100, with some polar and mountain climates disappearing altogether and formerly unknown ones emerging in the tropics, scientists said on Monday.
[...]

So what's the problem?
Morons in South America are clear cutting and burning rain forests to the tune of thousands or even millions of acres a month so they can grow cocaine crops, which in turn reduces the planet's ability to remove carbon dioxide and replenish our oxygen supply.
So if the ice packs recede and turn areas farther north and south into tropic zones, more trees will grow, which in turn will make up the difference of the missing trees in the rain forests.

Problem solved!




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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Can you hit the lamp"

Innate enough. But the text says:

"Squirt clear across the room..."

I don't care who ya' are. Thas' funny.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Of pyrimidine so varnish"

Yes. And of conical so wax.



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Blogroll Housecleaning

Well, it's that time again. Time to do a little blogroll cleanup.

First up, we have an addition. Jim H. is back. For those of you not in the know, he used to post as Australopithicus_Africanus. Good reading then, but he sort of fizzled out.
Anyway, he's back. So if you get a minute, go take a look.

Now for a removal.
Natalie over at I Moved Your Cheese, Moron.
We had a spat, I pissed her off, she don't come around any more.
Now I don't think all educators are idiots. Far from it. I have a lot of respect for a many educators. Especially ones who have to work with children or teens.
But once you enter the realm of the "professional student", you enter the realm of dreamers and libtards who really have no concept of reality.
So I don't read that blog any more. May as well not have a link to it.


I guess that's it for now.



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