Happy New Year

Well, I have another long weekend coming up. I probably won't be doing much if any blog stuff. So until next year, later.

May you all blah blah blah, and have a blah blah blah, and many more blah blah blah.
You know, all the usual New Year's shit.

Picture ever so shamelessly stolen from On the Patio

This Is An Interesting Look

Female Soldiers from around the world

Not safe for dial-up.

This Is Cool

Flight tracker.
To quote the web site:

"View schedule and track activity for any private (IFR) or commercial flight.
See scheduled, enroute, and recent flight activity for any airport."

Trivia

From BBC News - 100 things we didn't know this time last year

[...]

30. There are an estimated 1,000 people in the UK in a persistent vegetative state.

[...]

A few more than that I would say.
A helluva lot more than that in California.

This Day In Music

From ThisDayInMusic.com:

2001, Nickelback went to No.1 on the US singles chart with 'How To Remind Me'.

Good tune.

1999, George Harrison and his wife Olivia were attacked when an intruder broke into their home. Olivia beat off the attacker with a poker and heavy lamp. Police later arrested the intruder Michael Abram. George was stabbed in the chest and was admitted to hospital.

Nice to know security systems work that well.

1978, Emerson Lake and Palmer announced their official break up.

Awesome guitar work from that band.

1969, Peter Tork quit The Monkees, buying himself out of his contract which left him broke.

Probably still kicking his own ass.

1962, Brenda Lee was hurt when she attempted to rescue her poodle, Cee Cee from her burning house. Cee Cee later died of smoke inhalation.

A poodle? No loss.


And from HistoryChannel.com:

1985 Rick Nelson dies in plane crash

Rock musician Rick Nelson is killed in a plane crash. Nelson got his start by starring in his parents' TV series, The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet.

Spam Subject of the Day

"was watch no whack"

Must not have been a very good dirty movie.

'21'

Well, Hapy Birfday, you punk-assed kid.

(The recipient knows who it is)


Update: "I ain't touching another drop the rest of my life."

Stupid, Stupid, Fucking Stupid

I knew some Californicators were stupid, but I didn't think they were this stupid:

San Francisco, NRA Make Deal on Handgun Ban

Wed Dec 28, 8:02 PM ET

SAN FRANCISCO - The city of San Francisco and the National Rifle Association reached a deal Wednesday under which city officials will delay enforcement of part of a voter-approved handgun ban.

Voters on Nov. 8 approved banning the sale and possession of handguns in the city. Residents must get rid of their weapons by April 1. But the NRA and city agreed to extend from Jan. 1 to March 1 the deadline for banning sales.

In exchange, the NRA agreed to drop its bid for a temporary restraining order and will instead have the issue litigated in court, which should resolve it more quickly.

The measure was put on the ballot by the San Francisco County Board of Supervisors, which was frustrated by the number of gun-related homicides. About 58 percent of voters approved it.

[My bolding]
How can they possibly think that by simply making something illegal, it goes away?

Good gawd-a-mighty. [Spit, stomp]

Do You Need A Headache?

Go take a look at this site.

The idea: turn his home page into a billboard made up of a million dots, and sell them for a dollar a dot to anyone who wants to put up their logo. A 10 by 10 dot square, roughly the size of a letter of type, costs $100.

So simple, yet so expensive.

Oh well. Another idea I didn't have.

Uhh, Yeah.

Free Saddam to end woes in Iraq, lawyer tells Bush

32 minutes ago

AMMAN (Reuters) - The United States should free Saddam Hussein if it wants to end its problems in Iraq and earn the friendship of Arabs, the former Iraqi president's lawyer wrote in a letter to U.S. President George W. Bush.

End 'our' woes? Not likely.
Not only that, but can you imagine the wrath it would bring on the Iraqi people?

This Day in History

From HistoryChannel.com

General Interest

1845 Texas enters the Union

Well, sort of.


OLD WEST

1890 U.S. Army massacres Sioux at Wounded Knee

Sort of put the "." at the end of the indian wars.


WORLD WAR II

1940 Germans raid London

The German targeting of the English capitol had begun back in August, payback for British attacks on Berlin. In September, a horrendous firestorm broke out in London's poorest districts as German aircraft dropped 337 tons of bombs on docks, tenements, and teeming streets. The "London Blitz" killed thousands of civilians.
[...]

Spam Subject of the Day

"Tonia but evolutionary, the phoenix"

Or is it intelligent design?

Hey Kids!

Only 362 days until Christmas!

Start shopping TODAY!

Nice Group Of Fellers

Several Questioned in Milwaukee Beating

2 hours, 10 minutes ago

MILWAUKEE - A motorist who was kicked, punched and left alone in the street after honking at a group of people suffered severe head trauma and may not survive, police said.
[...]

"It's Christmas week. A guy's trying to drive down the street," (Mayor Tom) Barrett said. "What's the problem here?"
[...]

The problem here is the guy didn't have a gun to protect himself from a gang of assholes with too much time on their hands.

All the hell he did, was honk at a group of people who wouldn't let him drive down the street. Yeah, I guess that's a good enough reason to bash his fucking skull in.

I Learnt Somethin' New Today

I just learned that the Rhine Falls or "Rheinfall", in Switzerland is the largest waterfall in Europe. Here's a pic:

(Right-Click -> View Image)

It drops roughly 50 feet.
Meh. That ain't shit. (More info here.)

Compare that with some North American waterfalls:

Search Phrases From The Dark Side

Another weirdy passed by. They must have been looking for some thrills:

"purchase sodium pentathol"

Sorry, can't help you.

Spam Subject of the Day

"was spell go biro chokey"

No, I don't get into the choking game.

That Was Fun

The 50 Greatest Gadgets of the Past 50 Years
Go see how many you remember.

Anna Nicole Had A Merry Christmas

"Whiiiinnnnneeeeeee. "

"Iisss timeI ho-hossshht the 'wardshow? No? Ozzhhy! Ozzhhyen hish shtupiddumbassshh fam, fam, hish shtup'd kidsh hoshtingThe'Warshoww? OzzshyKin suck madick gahdamm't! Tha' fuckin'.....FUCKER!"

The Trollop

So Osama has a looker for a niece, eh?

I wonder what he would think of the slutty wench exposing all that mortal flesh for the infidel GQ magazine?

Wafah Dufour, niece of Osama bin Laden, poses in an undated publicity photo released on December 22, 2005, taken during a photo session for the January 2006 issue of GQ Magazine. (Jeff Riedel/GQ Magazine/Handout/Reuters)

It's Over

Well, I hope you all had a nice Christmas and all that.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Spam Subject of the Day

"And fly in diplomacy computation"

Is that like a bug?

Merry Christmas - Final Installment Of A Christmas Related Series

Okay, that's it. I'm done posting for today and probably until after Christmas.
So Merry Christmas and such to all of you, and may the fat man treat you well.

Kleenex Anyone?

Just as an F.Y.I.: This is an actor deserving of a western.

Not this:

Merry Christmas - Installment #19 Of A Christmas Related Series

Could this be a headline or news flash sunday morning?

Santa Claus and his sleigh have apparently been destroyed

Santa Claus was apparently shot down at 11:59 p.m. as he flew south near Moose Jaw Canada, December 24th, 2005. It is suspected a long range Iraqi missile guided by the intense light from the nose of the lead reindeer (Rudolph) apparently found and collided directly with its target. The resulting loss of control and crash scattered reindeer, presents and sleigh parts along a 25 mile corridor over 3 miles wide. No one on the ground was injured. The pilot of the sleigh has yet to be found.

Known also as Kris Kringle and Saint Nicholas, the "Jolly Old Elf" will apparently not be visiting homes this year. This could be the most striking blow to the human tradition of Christmas since the advent of the ACLU.

Secretary of State Donald Rumsfeld has announced that the U.S. Government along with sevaral other North American and European nations who traditionally celebrate the Christmas season will perform a joint investigation to determine the exact cause and persons/parties responsible for this disaster, and the outcome will be distributed at the completion of this investigation.

The sleigh, operated by Santa Claus, was on it's annual trip around the world to deliver presents and good cheer to millions of families. It's journey began from the North Pole where earlier in the evening, after elves had filled the sleigh to capacity with it's yearly cargo, fog had moved in and caused a severe reduction in visibility. The reindeer however, were apparently hitched with the hope that the fog would not be an issue, due to the inclusion of a new lead reindeer (Rudolph) which has an nose apparently capable of penetrating fog, therefore allowing greater visibility.

At exactly 11:30 p.m., the sleigh had lifted off from the ice pack at the North Pole and had after circling once, risen above the fog cover which at first was thought to be a navigation problem. At 11:32, the sleigh then headed on a course due south toward Canada and the United States. At 11:37, NORAD began tracking the progress of the new 'blip' on it's radar at 111° W on a heading due south. At 11:57, as the sleigh approached the U.S.-Canadian border, the blip disappeared. There was no communication from the craft.

Well, maybe not. But one of the reasons "they" are "over there" is to keep things like this from happening.

Peace be with you all and have a Merry Christmas!

Now go have some fun with Santa.
Type in 'beer', 'piss', 'tree', whatever you can think of.

This Day In Music

From ThisDayInMusic.com and Billboard.com:

1985, Judas Priest fans Raymond Belknap and James Vance shot themselves after listening to the Judas Priest album ‘Stained Class.’ The two had drunk beer, smoked marijuana and then listened to hours of the album. Afterwards they took a shotgun to a nearby school playground where Belknap shot and killed himself. Vance then blew away his jaw, mouth and nose but lived for more than three years before dying of effects of the shooting.

Now that's bad gun control. Not hitting your target.

1959, Chuck Berry was arrested after taking 14 year old Janice Norine (who unbeknown to Berry was working as a prostitute), across a state line. He was sentenced to 5 years jail but after racist comments by the judge Berry was freed.

Another idiot judge. What a maroon.

1977 - No. 1 Billboard Pop Hit: "How Deep Is Your Love," Bee Gees. The song is the first single from the soundtrack to "Saturday Night Fever." The album remains at No. 1 for 24 weeks.

You must grab your nuts and squeeze in order to hit the notes these fellers do.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Of lose at cowcatcher warily"

Those things always get me.

Some Questions

• Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
• Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
• Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
• Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
• Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
• Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
• Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
• Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
• Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
• Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
• Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
• Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
• Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
• How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
• When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
• Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
• In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
• How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

Fun With Spammers

Oaky, I'm starting to get sick of this shit. I'm going to reply to every moronic motherfucker from Nigeria who sends me emails wanting help.
If I get tired of them, I'll just block them from there on out.

Well briefly, here's today's episode:

David Williams wrote:

NIGERIA NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORACTION.(NNPC).
PLOT 56 KARU CRESENT,LAGOS - NIGERIA.
CONTACT:+...
EMAIL: ....

FROM: DESK OF THE CHAIRMAN AWARD OIL COMMITTEE.
DR. DAVID WILLIAMS

MY DEAR Curmudgeon,


MY NAME IS DR. DAVID WILLIAMS, THE CHAIRMAN OF CONTRACT AWARD COMMITTEE NIGERIA NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORACTION.(NNPC) FEDEARL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA.
SOMETIMES LAST YEAR, OUR REFINERY WAS GENERALY SERVICED AND MANY OTHER CONTRACTS WHERE ALSO AWARDED IN THE OIL SECTOR AFTER AN OUT BREAK OF FIRE.
Blah blah blah blah blah ZZZZZzzzzzzz......

You're all familiar with this shit.

Except for this part:

THIS IS AS A RESULT OF THE OVER INVOICING WE DID DURING THE AWARD OF THE CONTRACT. THIS CONTRACT HAS BEEN CERTIFIED OKAY THIS SUM OF $45 MILLION (FORTY FIVE MILLION U.S DOLLARS) I WILL LIKE TO TRANSFER TO YOUR ACCOUNT NOW, WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS TO PROVIED ME ALL INFORMATION AS FOLLOWS:

That sounds like our government contracts.

Anyway, you know how they are. So then here is my reply to the esteemed 'Doctor':

Dr. Williams,

Inasmuch as I would like to help, I think you may have sent this letter to the wrong person.
You're probably trying to get ahold of my twin brother Daniel who at times used this email address.
Sadly, he was killed when Bellview Airlines Flight 210 crashed near Lissa last October.

You sending this letter has brought so many emotions, I....I just can't go on.

So we'll see where that leads.

Only To Be Read By "Normals"

Ann Coulter on Bush's authorization of spying on certain groups after 9/11.

WorldNetDaily: Live and let spy:

"[...]
But if we must engage in a national debate on half-measures: After 9-11, any president who was not spying on people calling phone numbers associated with terrorists should be impeached for being an inept commander in chief.

With a huge gaping hole in lower Manhattan, I'm not sure why we have to keep reminding people, but we are at war. (Perhaps it's because of the media blackout on images of the 9-11 attack. We're not allowed to see those because seeing planes plowing into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon might make us feel angry and jingoistic.)

Among the things that war entails are: killing people (sometimes innocent), destroying buildings (sometimes innocent) and spying on people (sometimes innocent).
[...]"

You should really just go read the whole thing.

Just Put A Gun To Your Head, Woman

This is a hoot!

Here's the whole text:

Letterman Lawyers Fight Restraining Order

Lawyers for David Letterman want a judge to quash a restraining order granted to a Santa Fe woman who contends the CBS late-night host used code words to show he wanted to marry her and train her as his co-host.

A state judge granted a temporary restraining order to Colleen Nestler, who alleged in a request filed last Thursday that Letterman has forced her to go bankrupt and caused her "mental cruelty" and "sleep deprivation" since May 1994.

Nestler requested that Letterman, who tapes his show in New York, stay at least 3 yards away and not "think of me, and release me from his mental harassment and hammering."

Lawyers for Letterman, in a motion filed Tuesday, contend the order is without merit and asked state District Judge Daniel Sanchez to quash it.

"Celebrities deserve protection of their reputation and legal rights when the occasional fan becomes dangerous or deluded," Albuquerque lawyer Pat Rogers wrote in the motion.

Nestler told The Associated Press by telephone Wednesday that she had no comment pending her request for a permanent restraining order "and I pray to God I get it."

Sanchez set a Jan. 12 hearing on the permanent order.

Letterman's longtime Los Angeles lawyer, Jim Jackoway, said Nestler's claims were "obviously absurd and frivolous."

"This constitutes an unfortunate abuse of the judicial process," he said.

Nestler's application for a restraining order was accompanied by a six-page typed letter in which she said Letterman used code words, gestures and "eye expressions" to convey his desires for her.

She wrote that she began sending Letterman "thoughts of love" after his "Late Show" began in 1993, and that he responded in code words and gestures, asking her to come East.

She said he asked her to be his wife during a televised "teaser" for his show by saying, "Marry me, Oprah." Her letter said Oprah was the first of many code names for her and that the coded vocabulary increased and changed with time.

Her letter does not say why she recently sought a restraining order.

Rogers' motion to quash the order contends the court lacks jurisdiction over Letterman, that Nestler never served him with restraining order papers, and that she didn't meet other procedural requirements.

This dizzy bitch ate way too many paint chips as a kid.

Hey, here's a thought: Turn off the teevee, put down the crack pipe, and just go tuck yourself into bed.

I Wonder What Al Gore Has To Say About This

Creator of World Wide Web Starts Blog

NEW YORK - World Wide Web creator Tim Berners-Lee has started a blog just in time for the 15th anniversary of his invention.
[...]

Al? Oh Al? I thought you invented these interwebs?

Someone Enlighten Me

From Roto-Reuters:

EU threatens Microsoft with daily fines

BRUSSELS (Reuters) - The European Commission threatened U.S. software giant Microsoft with daily fines on Thursday for failing to comply with antitrust sanctions a year after a top European Union court ruled it must obey.
[...]

Now I don't hold any allegiance to MS, nor do I care how they run their business.
But what jurisdiction does that load of pompous, arrogant fucks have over an American business?

Here is Microsoft's response:

Microsoft to contest "unjustified" EU move

BRUSSELS (Reuters) - Microsoft said on Thursday it would contest what it called an unjustified European Commission decision to impose backdated daily fines if it fails to comply with European Union antitrust sanctions.

The U.S. software giant said it had obeyed the Commission's landmark March 2004 decision ordering it to change its business practices but the EU executive kept making new demands and the latest one went beyond the European regulator's powers.
[...]

In short, "Fuck you, E.U."
You Euros don't like what MS is selling, don't buy it. Sort of like what we do here.

This Day In Music

From ThisDyaInMusic.com:

1987, Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue was pronounced 'dead on arrival' in an ambulance when his heart stopped beating for two minutes. Sixx was given two shots of adrenaline in his chest to revive him. Fellow band members were prematurely informed of his death.

They took drugs?

1979, Rupert Holmes started a two week run at No.1 on the US singles chart with 'Escape, (The Pina Colada Song). His only US No.1 solo hit, a No.23 hit in the UK.

What a dozer.

1967, Appearing at The Olympia, London 'Christmas On Earth Continued'. An all night festival featuring The Jimi Hendrix Experience, Pink Floyd, The Who, Keith West and Tomorrow, Eric Burdon & The Animals, Soft Machine, DJ John Peel plus a paddling pool, light shows and a movie theatre, tickets £1.

Sounds like a concert I would like to go to.

This Day in History

From HistoryChannel.com

1973 Americans Must Drive 55

Next to some of the horseshit gun control laws, this was the stupidest.

1884 John Chisum dies in Arkansas

A central player in the violent Lincoln County War of 1878-81, the cattleman John Chisum dies at Eureka Springs, Arkansas.
[...]

A big name back in the days of the wild west.

But here's something I didn't know:

Billy the Kid became one of the ranchers' most loyal and fierce allies, playing a role in the murder of many of the supporters of the House. When the House eventually emerged from the war victorious, Bonney turned to Chisum for help, demanding $500 in wages for his murderous work. When Chisum refused, Billy turned against the rancher and took payment by stealing Chisum's cattle and horses. Suddenly abandoned by Chisum and the other powerful interests that protected him from the reach of the law, Billy the Kid's days were numbered. His one-time friend, Pat Garrett, murdered him in 1881.

I didn't know Billy the Kid had any sort of alliance with cattle ranchers back then. I guess I always thought he stuck to robberies.

Some Funnies On Wyoming

I used to live in Wyoming, so these rang quite true.
We didn't have a Dairy Queen, but the local drive-in did close for the winter.


Jeff Foxworthy on Wyoming:

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Wyo.
If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Big Piney is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Wyo.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Wyo.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the
year, you might live in South Wyoming.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Wyo.
If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Wyo.
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Wyo.
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Wyo.


YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE WYOMINGITE WHEN:

1. "Vacation" means going east or west on I-80 for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
12. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
13. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
14. Down South to you means Utah or Colo.
15. A brat is something you eat.
16. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.
17. You go out to a tail gate party every Friday.
18. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
19. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
20. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
21. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Wyo. friends....Sad....but true!!!

Merry Christmas - Installment #18 Of A Christmas Related Series

Twas the night before Christmas at Rock-Away Rest,
And all of us seniors were looking our best.

Our glasses, how sparkly, our wrinkles, how merry;
Our punch bowl held prune juice plus three drops of sherry.

A bedsock was taped to each walker, in hope
That Santa would bring us soft candy and soap.

We surely were lucky to be there with friends,
Secure in this residence and in our Depends.

Our grandkids had sent us some Christmasy crafts,
Like angels in snowsuits and penguins on rafts.

The dental assistant had borrowed our teeth,
And from them she'd crafted a holiday wreath.

The bed pans, so shiny, all stood in a row,
Reflecting our candle's magnificent glow.

Our supper so festive -- the joy wouldn't stop --
Was creamy warm oatmeal with sprinkles on top.

Our salad was Jell-O, so jiggly and great,
Then puree of fruitcake was spooned on each plate.

The social director then had us play games,
Like "Where Are You Living?" And "What Are Your Names?"

Old Grandfather Looper was feeling his oats,
Proclaiming that reindeer were nothing but goats.

Our resident wanderer was tied to her chair,
In hopes that at bedtime she still would be there.

Security lights on the new fallen snow
Made outdoors seem noon to the old folks below.

Then out on the porch there arose quite a clatter
(But we are so deaf that it just didn't matter).

A strange little fellow flew in through the door,
Then tripped on the sill and fell flat on the floor.

'Twas just our director, all togged out in red.
He jiggled and chuckled and patted each head.

We knew from the way that he strutted and jived
Our social- security checks had arrived.

We sang -- how we sang -- in our monotone croak,
Till the clock tinkled out its soft eight-p.m. stroke.

And so! on we were snuggling deep in our beds.
While nurses distributed nocturnal meds.

And so ends our Christmas at Rock-Away Rest.
'Fore long you'll be with us, We wish you the best!'

Spam Subject of the Day

"on saviour, boniface the Orlando"

Huh?

Today's Lesson

How To Tell Democrats From Terrorists
Just click the link already.


Link -> Delftsman

I Can't Believe How Fucking Idiotic This Is

The stupidity is just so, well - stupid, about all you can do is shake your head.

From The Daily Star Online:

ALBANY — Gun dealers could be held liable if they sell weapons that end up in the hands of criminals, under a Democrat-controlled Assembly proposal that’s under fire by gun-rights proponents.

Of course, it's New York. Some of the worst gun-haters in the union.

The proposal, drafted late last week, merges Republican proposals stiffening penalties against illegal gun dealers with long-held Democratic proposals that increase restrictions on legitimate retailers.

The Assembly proposal calls on gun retailers to carry at least $1 million in liability insurance, affix new and lengthy warning labels to all guns, and to cancel a sale if it "appears," or there is a "reasonable suspicion," that the guns could end up being resold to criminals.

Insurance companies aren't by chance giving out any kickbacks here are they?

"They (retailers) have to be clairvoyant as well," said Tom King, president of the New York State Rifle and Pistol Association.

Hey Ford, Chevy, Dodge, Nissan - keep an eye on this one!
If you sell someone a car, and they by chance sell it to someone who gets drunk and kills someone, you could be held liable!

Makes about as much sense.

Search Phrases From The Dark Side

Ooookaaayyyy.
We have a doozie today. To wit:

"big breasted women looking to rape teenage boys"

That's what I was looking for when I was a teen. What a coincidence.

Where's A Car Bomber When You Need One?

From the AP via ABC news:

Crowd Gathers in L.A. for Williams Funeral

[...]
After the service, many of those outside the church dropped to the ground after hearing what sounded like three gunshots about a block away, but there were no injuries and no arrests.
[...]

A little added entertainment? Let me guess. A little gang banging by some of the members of that boy's club he started?

"Tookie is dead. We're not safer, we're not more secure, we're not more humane," [Jesse] Jackson said.

We're also not caving to the whims of a handful of celebrities. He was proven guilty, there was no reason to stay his execution.
Back in the late 70's, he made his bed. He is now sleeping in it.

I'm am amazed by the lack of riots though.

Merry Christmas - Installment #17 Of A Christmas Related Series

♪♫ Daddy's drinkin' up our Christmas
It won't be a happy New Year
No lights, no tree, no presents
Just bottles of Christmas cheer. ♫♪♫
...

This Day in History

From HistoryChannel.com

1968 Apollo 8 departs for moon's orbit

Apollo 8, the first manned mission to the moon, is successfully launched from Cape Canaveral, Florida, with astronauts Frank Borman, James Lovell, Jr., and William Anders aboard.
[...]

1988 Pan Am Flight 103 explodes over Lockerbie

Pan Am Flight 103 from London to New York explodes in midair over Lockerbie, Scotland, an hour after departure. A bomb that had been hidden inside an audio cassette player detonated inside the cargo area when the plane was at an altitude of 31,000 feet. All 259 passengers, including 38 Syracuse University students returning home for the holidays, were killed in the explosion. In addition, 11 residents of Lockerbie were killed in the shower of airplane parts that unexpectedly fell from the sky.
[...]

Many, many more in-depth details here.

Spam Subject of the Day

"indicterflatiron"

in·dicterflat·i·ron (n-dtfltrn)
tr.v. in·dict·edflat·i·ron, in·dict·ingflat·i·ron, in·dictsflat·i·ron

1. To accuse of wrongdoing; charge, after being struck with an iron for pressing clothes, especially one that is heated externally, as on a hearth or stove.
2. Law. To make a formal accusation or indictment against (a party) by the findings of a jury, especially a grand jury, after being struck withan iron for pressing clothes, especially one that is heated externally, as on a hearth or stove.

Um, yeah.

Something For The Speakers

I heard this a few years back, but it still makes me laugh. (Warning: It's a little nasty.)

Plenty more here to keep you entertained for a while too.

I Guess I'm Outta Touch

I didn't even realize Cindy Sheehan had been in Spain, let alone held another one of her little diaper soiling cry sessions outside the U.S. Embassy there:

Saturday December 17, 2005 3:31 PM

AP Photo PW802

MADRID, Spain (AP) - Anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan led a small protest Saturday outside the U.S. Embassy to denounce the war in Iraq.

About 100 protesters carried banners criticizing President Bush.

I guess I was too busy thinking about all those Iraqi people turning out by the millions to vote.

Of Terrorists and Chocolate Covered Pretzels

You're wondering what they have in common?

About as much as terrorists and this plane crash.

Federal investigators searched for clues Tuesday to explain why a seaplane broke apart and plunged into the ocean just off Miami Beach, killing all 20 people on board, including three infants.
[...]

But it was awful nice of the F.B.I. to point out that there was no indication of terrorism as a cause of the crash.

A Funny

A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house:"Talking Dog For Sale."

He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government. I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger, so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and w as awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," says the owner.

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

The owner replies, "Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit."

Merry Christmas - Installment #16 Of A Christmas Related Series

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 4th November

RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... please feel free to sing along.

And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 p.m.

Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.

This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a special announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your Family.

Pauline

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 5th November

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'.. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,


Pauline.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 6th November

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management believe $10.00 is a little cheap.
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.


Pauline.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 7th November

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table, too.

To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed.

We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!


Pauline.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All You Fucking Employees

DATE: 8 November

RE: The Fucking Holiday Party.

Vegetarian jerks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it. You'll get your fucking salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!!

Hope you all have a rotten holiday go drink, drive, and die!

The witch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: 9th November

RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now go take a look at this animation.

Spam Subject of the Day

"the Graehme, the squeal"

That sounds painful.

So Whaddya Think?

Did all this talk from the media regarding the inept handling of the Natalee Hollaway case by Aruban officials do nothing more than serve to piss them off?

I'm thinking we Americans aren't going to be welcome there before too long.

Any Stargazers Out There?

Go try this virtual planetarium.
Pretty cool.

Merry Christmas - Installment #15 Of A Christmas Related Series

CHRISTMAS COOKIE RECIPE

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Crown Royal Reserve

Sample the Crown to check quality.

Take a large bowl, check the Crown again, to be sure it is of the highest
quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Crown is still OK, try another cup.. just in case.

Turn off the mixer thingy.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the damn fruit up off floor...

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a dewscriver.

Sample the Crown to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a shit.

Check the Crown Royal.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of ar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window,

Finish the bottle of Crown Royal

Make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS!

Spam Subject of the Day

"the Burch, be pigmentation"

Pigmentation?

Merry Christmas - Installment #14 Of A Christmas Related Series

Here's a Christmas poem sent to me via email. Just a little something to keep in mind as we're going about our traditional Christmas preparations.

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.

Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.

My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,
Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.

My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
a lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.

A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"

For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..
To the window that danced with a warm fire's light.
Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night."

"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.

My Gramps died at 'Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers."
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.

I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... an American flag.

"I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.

I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."

"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."

"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
"Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?"
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.

For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us

I Guess I Just Can't Let It Go

Damn you people! You keep referring to it and it gets me to thinking all over again!

I already mentioned that stupid idea of a movie the moron hollywoods are putting out. (Putting out. Bwah!)

Now I've learned through the grapevine they had quite a bit of trouble coming up with the title of the movie. So I compiled a list of a few of the titles censors rejected before finally deciding on 'Brokeback Mountain'.

Of course, I already mentioned:

Buttfuck Mountain

Now here are some more:

Brokebutt Mountain
Brokebackdoor Mountain
Fudgepack Mountain
Hairyback Mounter
Bareback Mounter

I have also read some bits and pieces of the story here and there. So now I present to you a few of the lines from 'special' scenes from the movie:

After the fire has been out for some time:

"Damn! You thank ya coulda done took yer spurs off first?"

It's been a few minutes in the sleeping bag now:

"If the fire in them sticks was anywhere near so hot as the fire in my loins why, we'd be havin' a nice hot cuppa coffee right now."

They get fairly settled in:

"So who's gonna be the ramrod of this har outfit?"
"Damn right it's me, bitch!"

Later on in the movie, it's been a long day, and they're both a little testy:

"Bend over and take it like a man thar hoss!"

Well, I don't want to spoil it for you, so I'll quit for now.

Merry Christmas - Installment #13 Of A Christmas Related Series

This is a Christmas tree.
It is not a Hanukkah bush,
it is not an Allah plant,
it is not a Holiday hedge.
It is a Christmas tree.

We'll See

From Xinhua:

Blast at Russian Nuclear Plant Kills One

ST. PETERSBURG, Russia - An explosion at a Russian nuclear power plant complex killed one worker and badly hurt two others, but Russia's nuclear agency said Friday no reactors were affected.

Damage from the Chernobyl blast was supposedly minor too.

Spam Subject of the Day

"A believe go puberty calypso"

Aye calypso, I've reached puberty!

Merry Christmas - Installment #12 Of A Christmas Related Series

Well, not much time today, so I'll just post an extra M.C.I.O.A.C.R.S
Lucky you! You get a two-fer!

"On Wal-mart! On K-mart!
On Target! On Penney's!
On Hallmark! On Zales!
With a quick lunch at Denny's"

But Where Are The WMDs!!!???

Via Yahoo:

Iraqis Turn Out to Vote in Large Numbers

By BASSEM MROUE, Associated Press Writer 32 minutes ago

BAGHDAD, Iraq - Iraqis voted Thursday in one of the largest and freest elections in the Arab world, with strong turnout reported in Sunni areas and even a shortage of ballots in some precincts. Several explosions rocked Baghdad throughout the day, but the level of violence was low.

That's all that really matters, right?

Merry Christmas - Installment #11 Of A Christmas Related Series

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas - Attorney’s Version

Whereas, on an occasion immediately preceding the Nativity festival, throughout a certain dwelling unit quiet descended, in which could be heard no disturbance, not even the sound emitted by a diminutive rodent relatedto, and in form resembling, a rat; and

Whereas, the offspring of the occupants had affixed their tubular, closely knit coverings for the nether limbs to the flue of the fireplace in expectation that a personage known as St.Nicholas would arrive; and

Whereas, said offspring had become somnolent, and were entertaining re: saccharine-flavored fruit; and

Whereas, the adult male of the family, et ux, attired in proper
headgear, had also become quiescent in anticipation of nocturnal inertia; and

Whereas, a distraction on the snowy acreage outside aroused the owner to investigate; and

Whereas, he perceived in a most unbelieving manner a vehicle propelled by eight domesticated quadrapeds of a species found in artic regions; and

Whereas, a most odd rotund gentleman was entreating the aforesaid animals by their appellations, as follows:

“Your immediate co-operation is requested. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen; and collective action by you will be much appreciated, Comet, Cupid,Donder, and Blitzen”; and

Whereas, subsequent to the above, there occurred a swift descent to the hearth by the aforementioned gentleman, where he proceeded to deposit gratuitiesin the aforementioned tubular coverings.

Now, therefore, be ye advised: that upon completion of these acts, and upon his return to his original point of departure, he proclaimeda felicitation of the type prevalent and suitable to these occasions, ie:

Merry Christmas to All and to All a Good Night!

This Day In Music

From ThisDayInMusic.com and Billboard.com

2003, Courtney Love was sentenced to 18 months in drug rehabilitation after she admitted being under the influence of cocaine and opiates. She was banned from taking non-prescription drugs, drinking alcohol or being in places that serve alcohol.

Yeah, that worked real well for her.

1999, Boy George was knocked unconscious when a mirror ball fell on his head during a show in Dorset, England.

Too bad it wasn't a bowling ball.

1988, James Brown was sentenced to six years in prison for various offences including possession of weapons and resisting arrest, after leading police on an interstate car chase.

Do ya feel good now James?

1984, Do They Know Its Christmas' by Band Aid entered the chart at No.1 and stayed at the Top for five weeks. It became the biggest selling UK single of all time with sales over 3 and a half million.

Where's a car bomb when you really need one?

1979, Pink Floyd started a five week run at No.1 on the UK singles chart with 'Another Brick In The Wall, (part 2).'

Another of my favorite albums of all time.

1944 - An airplane carrying bandleader Glenn Miller, 40, disappears over the English Channel en route from Bedford, England, to Paris.

Yes, I listen to Glenn Miller music too.

This Day in History

From HistoryChannel.com

BILL OF RIGHTS BECOMES LAW:
December 15, 1791

Following ratification by the state of Virginia, the first 10 amendments to the U.S. Constitution, known collectively as the Bill of Rights, become the law of the land.

1961 Architect of the Holocaust sentenced to die

In Tel Aviv, Israel, Adolf Eichmann, the Nazi SS officer who organized Adolf Hitler's "final solution of the Jewish question," is condemned to death by an Israeli war crimes tribunal.

A Challenge

Have a try at this test. It's sorta cool.

I scored 13/20.

Spam Subject of the Day

"tetrafluouride it's travesty, Cristina try"

It is a travesty, Cristina.

That Time Of Year Again

Time to make your own snowflakes!

Here's my contribution:

Speaking Of Movies

So I was led to The Political Dogs blog where the writer was talking about the story line of buttfuck mountain.

He echoed my sentiments exactly, AND I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO TRY TO PUT THE WORDS TO PAPER!!! How lucky is that! And we have the same name so he can't be all bad.

"Please tell me who among the straight world would want to see a film about two cowboys whose fire goes out on a very cold night causing them to huddle together for survival..."

Believe it or not, this can happen without - wait for it...

...and thereby begin a gay love affair?"

Yup. The guys automatically turn fag.

"It's not even a chick flick even though the original work of fiction was penned by a woman. What's up with that? Why would a woman write a story about two men in a gay love affair. Are there not enough gay men for all the available fag hags? Must they now invent them?"

For some reason, they think this is entertainment.

"♪♫ ♪ Oh give me a homo
Where the buffalo roam-o ♪♫ ♫♪"

Gah! I think I just threw up a little.

Vodkapundit - All the News That's Fit to Drink

Vodkapundit makes a good point on the state of movies these days:

"Shakespeare taught us that the wicked would get their just desserts. Hollywood wants us to think that we're all wicked, and deserve whatever we get."

I've never been a Shakespeare fan, never even read one of his plays/books/whatever. I have seen a couple productions, but it has been so long ago I don't even remember those.

But, I watch movies. And I'm not easy to entertain, moviewise. Movies are getting too mundane, predictable, CGI'd, ...

It seems the common consensus of idiot entertainers obviously, is that they're bigger, brighter, smarter, more well-informed and generally, better people than us poor little ticket buyers. And as Steve mentioned, they think that as a general audience (no pun intended), anything bad that may happen to us we brought on ourselves. They want to prove how much better they are than the masses by giving us what we deserve.

Tin-foil hat theory or subconscious egotism? Dunno.

Comfortably Numb - Redux

Not sure what happened with this post. I wrote it yesterday, and must have saved it instead of posting it.
Anyway, here it is now for your viewing pleasure.

Via Yahoo:

Ex-Crips leader Williams executed

By Adam Tanner 2 hours, 12 minutes ago

SAN QUENTIN, California (Reuters) - California prison officials executed Stanley Tookie Williams, the ex-leader of the Crips gang who brutally killed four people in 1979, early on Tuesday after Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and top courts rejected appeals to spare his life.

The time of death was 12:35 a.m. PST (0835 GMT) Tuesday.

Some 2,000 opponents of the death penalty gathered outside the gates of San Quentin, where civil rights leader Rev. Jesse Jackson addressed the crowd and folk singer Joan Baez sang spirituals.

Of course, Jesse had to make an appearance.
And Joan Baez was a-wailin', probably singin' "Kumba-ya" and passin' the bowl.
Sounds like quite the get-together.

At least Arnie had the stones to not cave:

"Based on the cumulative weight of the evidence, there is no reason to second guess the jury's decision of guilt or raise significant doubts or serious reservations about Williams' convictions and death sentence."

Update:
Regarding Tookie's Nobel Peace Prize nomination, here is a little post which enlightens as to the character of other nominees. He shared this honor with the following illustrious prospective prize winners:

• Mussolini (1935, by a French law professor, and by the law faculty at a German university)
• Stalin (1948, by a Czech professor)(also, 1945 by a former Norweign foreign minister, although the minister only wrote that Stalin was qualified for the prize, and did not formally nominate him)
• Kaiser Wilhelm II (1911, by the President of UC Berkeley; 1917, by a German professor and by a Turkish law faculty)
• Hitler (1939, by a member of the Swedish parliament, although the nomination was withdrawn before the Committee considered it)
• Alfred Ploetz (the founder of racial hygiene in Germany; 1936 by a Norwegian parliamentarian, for warning that war would harm biological reproduction)
• Neville Chamberlin (somewhat plausibly in 1926 for his role in the Locarno Pact; less so in 1939, with 9 nominations for his role in the Munich Agreement)

Money Shot

From Yahoo:

Kristina Roberts, 37, claims she was alone at JEG Advertising with her new boss on Sept. 9 when he approached her while holding his penis.

"Plaintiff was sitting at her desk doing the work she was given earlier that day when Mr. Garcia came up behind her," her civil suit says. "He asked Ms. Roberts to turn around, and when she did, defendant proceeded to ejaculate onto her and her clothing. Mr. Garcia apologized and stated that he did not mean to do that."

Boss man is a perv, eh? He did a Clinton on her.
Well, that's what she claims anyway.

What about this part:

Roberts has yet to seek a new job. She claims in her suit to continue to suffer from mental anguish and humiliation from Garcia's "extreme and outrageous conduct."

Yeah, sure. She don't want to work so she files a false claim hoping to get a retirement out of the guy.

Check her history. She has probably been on crack welfare most of her life.

Do You Like Watching Stupid People Hurt Themselves As Much As I Do?

These idiots made me hurt just watching them.
'Body Slam'

'Swimming Dangler'

'Store Burglar Idiots'

(Pops)

This Day In Music

From Billboard.com and
ThisDayInMusic:

2003, Ozzy & Kelly Osbourne went to No.1 on the UK singles chart with 'Changes.' a remake of a track first sung by Ozzy on the Black Sabbath album Volume IV in 1972.

Interesting, I haven't heard that version.

1999 - Former Fab Four member Sir Paul McCartney plays a one-off gig at the Cavern Club in Liverpool, where the Beatles formed three decades earlier. It is the first time since the 1963 that McCartney has played the Cavern.

If you're a Beatles fan, that would have been something to see. See any of them perform where they broke their teeth.

1995 - White House classified documents are released revealing the FBI spied on John Lennon and his anti-war activities during the early '70s in a possible attempt to have the former Beatle deported. One report criticized Yoko Ono's singing ability.

[My emphasis] Even if Big Brother is watching, he evidently has a little bit of an ear for music.

Merry Christmas - Installment #10 Of A Christmas Related Series

Now go take a look at this little video. (Pops)

Spam Subject of the Day

"brand now? i hope this is the right email silo although is?"

Right email, wrong silo.

Merry Christmas - Installment #9 Of A Christmas Related Series

♪♫ Dashing through the mall
With the credit card held high
Running in and out
"Here's more shit to buy!" ♪♫

♪♫ Bells on tills they ring
The balance going down
You're really going to pay for this
When the new bill comes around! ♪♫

Okay, okay. I'll stop.

This Day in History

From HistoryChannel.com:

SADDAM HUSSEIN CAPTURED:
December 13, 2003

After spending nine months on the run, former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein is captured on this day in 2003. Saddam’s downfall began on March 19, 2003, when the United States led an invasion force into Iraq to topple his government, which had controlled the country for more than 20 years.

Too bad the soldiers didn't just throw a couple grenades down the hole when they found him.

Geminids

Tonight's the night. From Space.com:

This week brings us what usually is considered to be the most satisfying of all the annual meteor displays, even surpassing the famous Perseids of August: the December Geminid Meteor Shower.

But as was the case with last month’s Leonid Meteors, prospective sky watchers should be aware that once again they will be facing a major obstacle in their attempt to observe this year’s Geminid performance, namely, the Moon.

They could be worth staying up a little late or getting up a little early for though.

A Funny

Made me chuckle.

The Blony's

What with all the blog awards which have come to fruition since the advent of blogging, let me introduce you to an idea I had.

First, we have "Blogs", where people spew thoughts on a regular or maybe semi-regular basis. Then, we have 'The Tonys', which honor distinguished achievement in theater.
So I think there should be a new award for blog writers who act like they know what the fuck they're talking about, or maybe just get a little over-theatrical sometimes, the soapbox being their stage.

I think it would work!

Search Phrases From The Dark Side

All of a sudden, one of the most common search phrases bringing people to my blog:

buttfuck mountain

Interesting.

Spam Subject of the Day

"their asteroidal seetheda"

Sounds painful.

Search Phrases From Planet X

Another search phrase which brought someone to my humble blog:

"what does it mean to be pussy whipped"

Uuuhhh, rude awakening on the way here.

Speaking Of Spam

Death toll in Nigerian jet crash rises to 107 - Africa - MSNBC.com: Death toll in Nigerian jet crash rises to 107
Most were schoolchildren coming home on holiday; data recorders found

PORT HARCOURT, Nigeria - Four people died after being pulled from the wreckage of a Nigerian jetliner that crashed while landing in a storm, state television said Sunday, raising the number killed to 107, most of them schoolchildren coming home for Christmas.
[...]

Oh yes. We'll be getting more spam from Nigerians telling us how our relative died in that crash and how they need our help getting the huge sum of money out of the country.

Idiocy

This just ain't right:

Charged if you do,charged if you don't
Conservation cited in rate-hike request by Yankee Gas Co.
PAM DAWKINS pdawkins@ctpost.com

Yankee Gas customers have apparently done too good a job with conservation, because the company is now asking for a rate hike based, in part, on a drop in use.

Attorney General Richard Blumenthal vowed to fight the hike.
[...]

Good luck. I hope the A.G. wins.

Maybe the gas company needs to think more along the lines of how they can lower their costs. Cut back salaries of overpaid execs and buy from cheaper sources rather than punish the consumers of their product.

Fuck 'em.

Merry Christmas - Installment #8 Of A Christmas Related Series

Pope: Christmas Polluted by Consumerism
AP - Sun Dec 11,10:17 AM ET

VATICAN CITY - Pope Benedict XVI said Sunday that Christmas festivities have been polluted by consumerism and suggested that assembling the Nativity scene in the home is an effective way of teaching the faith to children.
[...]

Do ya think?

Which Way Is Up?

Pioneering Comedian Richard Pryor Dies

The pioneering comedian, whose audacious style influenced generations of standup artists, died Saturday of a heart attack at age 65, said his business manager, Karen Finch. He had been ill for years with multiple sclerosis, a degenerative disease of the nervous system.

I'm surprised that druggie lived as long as he did.

Believe It? Or Not....

A story sent to me by email.

Twenty years ago, a friend of mine went deer hunting in northern Missouri with his father-in-law. He shot his deer and hauled it back to the truck on a gravel road. He was sitting in his pickup, waiting for Derwood(his father-in-law) to come out of the timber.

After an hour and a half, here comes Derwood. You have to know this guy was 5' 8", around 300 lb, and in fairly poor health.

He is walking behind a doe, holding it's tail, and guiding it by using his shotgun barrel to guide it by rapping it on the side of the head.

Turns out, he had a head shot, with a 12 GA slug, which only hit a glancing blow, and stunned the deer.

He walked that deer right up to the rear end of the pickup, shot it dead, and they were on their way!

I am a fisherman, so am prone to tall tales, but I swear, these stories I've told you are true!

Over a period of 47 years(started hunting alone at 7) of hunting and fishing, you tend to accumulate a number of them.

I would love to have seen that.

This Day in History

From HistoryChannel.com:

1901 MARCONI SENDS FIRST ATLANTIC WIRELESS TRANSMISSION:

Italian physicist and radio pioneer Guglielmo Marconi succeeds in sending the first radio transmission across the Atlantic Ocean, disproving detractors who told him that the curvature of the earth would limit transmission to 200 miles or less. The message--simply the Morse-code signal for the letter "s"--traveled more than 2,000 miles from Poldhu in Cornwall, England, to Newfoundland, Canada.

Al Gore? No, it was really Marconi who invented the internet. He just don't get the credit.

1917 Father Flanagan establishes Boys Town

In Omaha, Nebraska, Father Edward J. Flanagan, a 31-year-old Irish priest, opens the doors to a home for troubled and neglected children, and six boys enter to seek a better life.

Can't help but think he had an alterior motive....

Spam Subject of the Day

"Felt unimodular also candlelit"

That pretty much sums up the weekend.

A Funny

Click and laugh.

Need A Chuckle?

And a small dose of realism?
Do yourself a favor and go check this post out.

Oh? You want a sample of the post before you do? Here you go:

"USS William Jefferson Clinton CVS1

[...]
The ship is the first of its kind in the Navy and is a standing legacy to President Clinton and his foresight in military budget cuts. The ship is constructed nearly entirely from recycled aluminum and is completely solar powered with a top speed of 5 knots. It boasts an arsenal comprised of one F14 Tomcat or F18 Hornet aircraft, which although they cannot be launched or captured on the 100 foot flight deck, form a very menacing presence.
[...]"

It gets even better.

Time To Panic. Again.

OH NO!

Earth's north magnetic pole moving to Siberia at rapid rate: scientists

Thu Dec 8, 7:59 PM ET

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) - Earth's north magnetic pole is rapidly drifting away from Canada and toward Siberia, scientists said Thursday.
[...]

Did you get that? Greenhouse gases are not only destryoing the ozone layer and the ice cap, they're moving the north pole too!

Well tree-hugging, whale-saving, granola-crunching, dope-smoking, kumba-ya singing morons will be adding that to the list before long, I'm sure.

I Got An Idea

Let's put these two in a room and let 'em duke it out:

Iranian leader condemned for Holocaust remarks

Mel Gibson's Holocaust project raises eyebrows

As I mentioned yesterday in this post, I think that Iranian idiot is off his rocker.

Now Mel is no hero to me, but he's just arrogant enough that a conversation with that other arrogant asshole would quite entertaining, I think.

I Knew It All Along

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Terminate Him

Inmate's Fate in Schwarzenegger's Hands - Yahoo! News:

Lawyers for Stanley Tookie Williams pleaded for his life before Gov.
Arnold Schwarzenegger on Thursday, five days before the founder of the murderous Crips gang — now a peace activist — is scheduled to be executed.
[...]

He was convicted of four murders. That's how many they proved him guilty of.
How many more people did he kill that he wasn't convicted of?
How many people have been killed and how much damage has been done by this little club - 'Crips' - he started?

Fuck him and his fucking charade. Give him a double dose just to make sure.

Merry Christmas - Installment #7 Of A Christmas Related Series

"♪♫ Deck the halls with poison ivy
Blah Blah Blah Blah Blaaaaaaah ....
Blah Blah Blah Blaaaaah.... ♪♫ "

Spam Subject of the Day

"rollick get rome ajia"

I need some ajia.

Quote Of The Day

"Why, dip me in homey and throw me to the lesbians!"

Bwah!

Merry Christmas - Installment #7 Of A Christmas Related Series

A little mistletoe can go a long way...

Levity

For some reason, this story came to mind as I was getting ready for work.

Back oh, more than 15 years ago, I worked as a foreman for a painting contractor.
We mainly painted houses and apartments, with a couple commercial buildings mixed in here and there, doing mostly repaints as opposed to new construction.

The typical painter is someone who likes to live from paycheck to paycheck, making just enough to support the beer, cigarette, beer, chemical and beer habit, with a little left over for groceries, rent, and beer. Usually, there was none left over for dental work though. Much cheaper to pull a tooth than to have it repaired, so usually they had well - about half of their teeth.
It was a good idea to cash your paycheck at the same place and time as the other painters. That way, you could collect the money they owed you from when they borrowed 'a little to get by until payday', the monday after the previous friday's paycheck.

Anyway, at one time, I supervised two crews of about 6 people each, who would usually be at two different jobs, but sometimes at the same one. This particular time, we were all on the same job, and a few of us decided we would go bowling the next friday night at the Showboat lanes.

We meet up after supper and bowl a couple games. We are having a good time bowling, shooting the bull, and in case you don't remember that I mentioned the typical painter like his beer, we had a few beers.
Since I didn't have to drive (designated drinker), I also had a few beers. And since one of my crew member's wife didn't have to drive either, she also had a few beers.

Well, the end of the evening finally rolled around, we were done bowling, a little tipsy and ready to call it a night. We each ordered a cocktail for the long walk back to the parking garage and headed out.

Now for some ungodly reason, whoever designed the Showboat casino had built the bowling alley slightly higher than the main casino floor. This required the ascention of a flight of about six stairs to get to the bowling alley. Fine. But at the end of the evening such as this, you need to concentrate a little more on walking, especially when going down a flight of stairs.

We had begun our descention of the stairs, when the wife of one of the guys, evidently not concentrating, fell. Bellyflop right to the floor, from up the last couple steps. She landed flat with a mighty "Ooomph!". Her beer however, still in her hand, landed safely upright without spilling a drop. It was amazing I tell you.

She got up with that "I meant to do that" expression on her face, sort of like when the dog runs into the sliding glass patio door, and we commenced our trek to the parking garage.

It was a hoot. An amzing hoot.

Fuck Off And Move

Threatened by warming, Arctic people file suit against US - Yahoo! News:

Wed Dec 7, 1:40 PM ET

MONTREAL (AFP) - The people of the Arctic filed a landmark human rights complaint against the United States, blaming the world's No. 1 carbon polluter for stoking the global warming that is destroying their habitat.

The Inuit Circumpolar Conference (ICC), representing native people in the vast, sparsely-populated region girdling the Earth's far north, said they had petitioned an inter-American panel to seek relief for Canadian and US Inuit.
[...]

I'm willing to bet the U.S. has more environmentalists in the world, and has done more to protect the environment than any other country in the world.

But that's neither here nor there. No one has convinced me yet that this so-called 'global warming' wouldn't be happening even if we humans had no part of it. We can't look far enough into the past to determine that mother nature her damn self wouldn't be wiping out and rebuilding the planet even without our help.

What's Up With This Nut

From Roto-Reuters.com:

Iran's Ahmadinejad casts doubt on Holocaust

Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on Thursday expressed doubt that the Holocaust occurred and suggested Israel be moved to Europe.
[...]

"Some European countries insist on saying that Hitler killed millions of innocent Jews in furnaces and they insist on it to the extent that if anyone proves something contrary to that they condemn that person and throw them in jail," IRNA quoted Ahmadinejad as saying.
[...]

"If the Europeans are honest they should give some of their provinces in Europe -- like in Germany, Austria or other countries -- to the Zionists and the Zionists can establish their state in Europe. You offer part of Europe and we will support it,"
[...]

So let me get this straight. He is saying that if there really was a holocaust, some European countries - who at the time were run by Hitler - should give some of their land to Iran and Israel?

He must not have access to the internet or he could more than likely check into it a little himself, but as far as I can tell, from what I've heard from many reliable sources over the years, there was a holocaust.

What color is the sky on your planet, Ahmadinejad?

This Day in History

Text here.

1980 The country mourns the death of John Lennon

Singer John Lennon is shot and killed by Mark David Chapman outside his apartment building in New York City. After committing the murder, Chapman waited calmly outside, reading a copy of The Catcher in the Rye.

My favorite Beatle. Too bad his nutty wife fucked things all up for them.

So now take the poll:

Who is/was your favorite Beatle
John Lennon
Paul McCartney
George Harrson
Ringo Starr
Pete Best
Current results

Spam Subject of the Day

"Is wait no catalysis speaker"

Damn tootin'.

Merry Christmas - Installment #6 Of A Christmas Related Series

♪♫ "Jack Frost roasting on an open fire" ♪♫

Sorry, that's all I can think of right now, so have a picture:

Re - This Day In History

Curious to me, is how there are all sorts of comparisons made on the war in Iraq to the 'Vietnam Quagmire', but rare is the comparison of how we are ensuring our freedoms after an attack at Pearl Harbor versus the attack of 9/11.

I say stopping an evil is stopping an evil. Wherever it needs to be done.

This Day in History

From HistoryChannel.com:

Pear Harbor Day

1941 "A date which will live in infamy"

On this day, in an early-morning sneak attack, Japanese warplanes bomb the U.S. naval base at Oahu Island's Pearl Harbor-and the United States enters World War II.
[...]


1983 First execution by lethal injection

The first execution by lethal injection takes place at the state penitentiary in Huntsville, Texas. Charles Brooks, Jr., convicted of murdering an auto mechanic, received an intravenous injection of sodium pentathol, the barbiturate that is known as a "truth serum" when administered in lesser doses.
[...]

Spam Subject of the Day

"you need at systematic tessellated"

It's been quite a while since I've been tessellated, for damn sure.

From The 'Duh' Files

From AFP via Yahoo, a voice from the peanut gallery:

US 'dangerously' unprepared for any terror attack: 9/11 panel:

Mon Dec 5, 6:36 PM ET

WASHINGTON (AFP) - The United States remains 'dangerously' unprepared for potential terrorist assaults on US soil more than four years after the September 11 attacks on New York and Washington, members of a former commission that probed the attacks said.

The first thought I had was "Well no shit". How can anyone possibly be totally prepared for a terrorist attack? You can't. No one can predict exactly what, or everything, terrorists will do.

The administration of US President George W. Bush has been distracted by fighting terrorism abroad to the point that the country is 'not as safe as we ought to be,' said Thomas Kean, the president of the now-disbanded 9/11 Commission.

Yes, that minor little distraction 'over there'. Exactly - over there, not over here.
That 'distracted' administration has done a pretty good job of keeping the terrorism over there.

'Some of the failures are shocking. Four years after 9/11, it is a scandal that police and firefighters in large cities still can't talk to each other when they are hit with a major crisis,' Kean said.

I'll give the idiot that. Until egos get out of the way, those lines of communication will always be an issue.

'It's scandalous that airline passengers are still not screened against all names on a terrorist watch list. It is scandalous that we still allocate scarce homeland security dollars on the basis of pork-barrel spending and not on risk,' he said.

I'm guessing that particular list is no where near complete. The way government employees typically operate, it will always be four or five years out of date.

[...]
However, White House press secretary Scott McClellan told reporters that the Bush administration had taken the fight to the enemy, although he acknowledged there was more to do in protecting America from possible terror assaults.

McClellan said the best approach, however, was to wage the war on violent extremism overseas.

'The best way to protect the American people is to take the fight to the enemy, to stay on the offensive. We are taking the fight to the enemy abroad, and by doing so, that is keeping them from plotting and planning to attack inside America,' McClellan said.

'We are grateful that we haven't been attacked since September 11. But we have taken significant steps to better protect the American people at home. There is more to do,' said McClellan.

Yeah. What he said.

[...]
The ex-commissioners assessed the government's response to 41 recommendations they made in the original 2004 report. On 18 points it gave the government a failing grade, delivering an especially harsh judgment on the government's treatment of detained suspected terrorists.

'US treatment of detainees has elicited broad criticism, and makes it harder to build the necessary alliances to cooperation effectively with partners in a global war on terror,' they said.

So we've fixed over half of the issues, and are working on the rest, and the biggest issue they see is so-called mistreatment of prisoners?
Now I haven't researched those 41 issues, so I don't really know what all they are. But if not wearing gloves while pissing on the Koran is the worst post-9/11 security problem we have, I would guess a few other 'big issues' are going to turn out to be relatively minor yet extremely distorted by more anti-administration soapboxers.

On the same token, I'm not advocating sitting back, relaxing and licking our asses. We should be careful. But let's not get stupid or paranoid about it either.