A Funny

Stephen Wright is my hero. I've always like his sort of twisted humor.
A while back, someone sent me a few of his quotes. Read, chuckle, scoff, enjoy, whatever you wish.

THE MYSTERIOUS MIND OF STEPHEN WRIGHT:

• I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
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• I had amnesia once -- maybe twice.
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• I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.
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• Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
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• All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.
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• I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
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• If the world was a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.
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• What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
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• They told me I was gullible.... and I believed them..
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• Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
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• Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
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• Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
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• What if there were no hypothetical questions?
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• One nice thing about egotists... they don't talk about other people.
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• When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look a nail.
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• A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
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• What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?
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• My weight is perfect for my height.... which varies.
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• I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
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• The high cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
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• How can there be self-help "groups"?
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• Is there another word for synonym?
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• The speed of time is one second per second.
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• Is it possible to be totally partial?
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• What's another word for thesaurus?
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• Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?
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• If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
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• Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
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• It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
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• Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

Oh, and here's a cartoon:





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