Ask The Curmudgeon

DEAR CURMUDGEON: I met an intelligent and absolutely drop-dead gorgeous young woman a few months ago. I thought everything was fine between us until a few weeks ago, so I wanted to get your take on it. A few months ago, the woman in question became the new bartender at one of my favorite nightclubs outside the local area. I spent a lot of hard-earned money for gas and tolls just so I could have drinks with her and talk when the club wasn't busy. About a month ago, she told me she was falling in love with me and wanted to start seeing me outside of the club. For a couple of weeks we were calling and texting each other like crazy until we finally decided to meet up at the beachfront across from the club for our first "official" date. When she didn't show up, I tried calling her, but got a strange recording. I then went across the street to the club to see if she got called in to work, and the manager said she had been fired a week ago and he thought she'd moved out of state. A couple of weeks passed and I was doing my best to heal from this ordeal, when, out of the blue, I get a call from her from an unknown number telling me that she was back in town and wanted to meet me for a movie and dinner that night. I showed up, but yet again, she did not. How many times should I let this happen before I give up on her?

--- MYSTIFIED

DEAR STUPID: Need you ask, you stupid fuck? If she's that fucking hot, you need to find out where she is living, then secretly follow her. She'll probably be working again eventually, and chances are she's too flakey to have a car, so you could follow her to work too. Just keep a few paces behind her so you don't get caught. Don't want the cops involved here.
Now when you follow her back to the house, see if you can get a good look through the curtains. Who knows, maybe she don't close them at all! You could take some good pictures or movies if you're lucky. Or you could just hide in the bushes and beat off while you watch her undress!

Or, you could fucking grow the hell up and move on, you dumb shit. Find some other cocktail slinging slut to polish your knob.



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