I sometimes get roped into watching a game, usually because there ain't nothing better on the teevee, which - believe it or not - is most of the time. But then, I think to myself "Is this the best you can do?".
Well, I just don't get all thrilled about baseball any more. I used to not mind it, but the more I actually analyze it, the stupider it gets.
First of all, you have a bunch of primadonna, money grubbing assholes out there basically playing catch. Unless of course, it starts to sprinkle. Oh no. Can't be getting wet now. Might muss up the dirt. Or my hair.
It's lopsided: There is no team vs team in baseball. You have one batter facing a pitcher, who if he happens to fuck up, has eight other teammates standing around just waiting to cover his ass. If he fucks up bad enough, the batter's team gets a point. If the batter fucks up, he gets to go sit down a rest until he has to bat again, or cover his pitchers' ass.
Errors: Who the hell came up with that shit? You're responsible for covering the pitcher's ass if he fucks up, and if YOU then fuck up, you get charged with - wait for it - an 'Error'. You get a boo-boo marked on your report card. "Number XX dropped the ball. He gets charged with the 'Error'".
It doesn't give his team any points, doesn't take away any points from the other team, it just ensures that the rest of the world knows that YOU really fucked up. It's all YOUR fault if your team don't win.
Designated hitter/runner: Biggest farce in the whole gawddamn game.
Look. If you can't play your position in it's entirety, then get someone on the team who can!
"Hey! You go hit the ball for me, and I'll do the running!"
"Okay! That sounds like a good idea!"
Now if a quarterback can make a hand-off but can't pass, are the coaches of the NFL going to put the 'passing' quarterback in on that play? I really don't think so.
Naw, I don't really give a shit who wins the world series. Wake me up when it's over.
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