Spam Subject of the Day

Bah!

"Excuse me... :)"

At leat they're polite. Fuckers.

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

Smooth Talker Apologizes:

"'I would apologize to the members in this House that my comments were a little bit exaggerated. I apologize,' she told the House of Commons elected chamber of Parliament.

Jennings, who is herself half-American, accused the United States on Tuesday of refusing to adhere to trade treaties it had signed with Canada. One way to strike back, she suggested, was to shame Washington internationally.

'Let's embarrass the hell out of the Americans in front of other countries that they are attempting to negotiate with on new binational trade agreements ... let's just do it on the public scene,' she told a parliamentary committee."

"Embarrass the hell out of the Americans", sorta like what you dun to yourself there lassie?
Canook bitch.

Just Wait And See

Stolen from Gut Rumbles:

Headlines from the year 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally . scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. (hey! I just sent it. I didn't write it!)

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines"

It will be interesting to see how many of these come to pass.

From The 'Duh' Files

What a surprise:

Church, a former Navy inspector general and now director of the Navy staff, was presenting his report to Congress on Thursday. A copy of a 21-page executive summary was obtained Wednesday by The Associated Press.

Church concluded that no civilian or uniformed leaders directed or encouraged abuse, and his report holds Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld and other top defense leaders largely blameless on the narrow question of pressuring interrogators as well as the larger matter of interrogation policies.

Of course not.
But, and this is just a quick reminder, we are at war. People on both sides get mistreated.
We have yet to mistreat any POW as 'inhumanely' as any POW's captured by these camel-fuckers have been treated.

Just ask some of the families of beheaded relatives.

Blogger

Stupid-ass blogger has been hosed a good portion of the morning. Maybe some of my posts will work now.

This Day in History - Telephone

From The History Channel (no permalink):

SPEECH TRANSMITTED BY TELEPHONE:
March 10, 1876

On this day, the first discernible speech is transmitted over a telephone system
when inventor Alexander Graham Bell summons his assistant in another room by
saying, "Mr. Watson, come here; I want you." Bell had received a comprehensive
telephone patent just three days before.

And that's what enabled Al Gore to invent these internets.

Spam Subject of the Day

Now this is different:

"THE B‮TSE‬ SOF‮RAWTOFFRE" OF

Symbols and letters and spelling and bullshit and everything!

Stupid

Judge Dismisses Agent Orange Lawsuit:

"A federal judge Thursday dismissed a lawsuit by some 4 million Vietnamese claiming that U.S. chemical companies committed war crimes by making Agent Orange for use during the Vietnam War."

Not only would it have never worked, but the "victims" would never have seen a dime - er, dong.
It would have been distributed to lawyers and the government.

Ever Tire Of Listening To Someone Bitch?

Well, there are always solutions. But this one really sounds like a good idea:

"Try this one. After you have heard enough from the intruder to your office, just start making a sound like you are constipated and really trying to go to the bathroom (kinda like a very prolonged grunt). They will inevitably stop and ask "what is wrong?". This is the opening you are looking for...just say: I am trying to give a shit...but I just cant! This works all the time and stops conversations immediately. Use sparingly and to those that do not hold your livelihood in their hands."

Hmm.

Idiots

Criminal gangs use Islam to intimidate victims:

"Teenage criminal gangs in south London are calling themselves the Muslim Boys and claiming to espouse Islam in an attempt to gain street credibility and trade on false perceptions about links to terrorists."

Yup. That's something to aspire to.

"The gangs, who specialise in robbing local drug dealers, are alleged to have forced some members to convert at gunpoint and to pray before going out to commit crimes."

Wait a minute! There are guns in England?

I Knew It All Along

I am 16% Idiot.

I am not annoying at all. In fact most people come to me for advice. Of course they annoy the hell out of me. But what can I do? I am smarter than most people.

Take the
Idiot Test
@ FualiDotCom

This Will Be Something To Monitor

Erasing Debts in Bankruptcy May Get Harder:

"Erasing medical bills, credit card charges and other debts in bankruptcy soon will become more difficult under landmark legislation that has vaulted its last major hurdle before Senate passage."

Now I have no problem with someone who legitimately files for bankruptcy. For example, you or someone in your family gets hurt or sick, runs up a big hospital bill, and the dumb-ass insurance companies or HMO's we have now don't want to pay for shit. It can overwhelm you.
Or because of that injury or illness or even some other reason, you end up out of a job. People have their reasons.

But on the other hand, if you're one of the morons in the world who get as many credit cards as they can, buy as much shit as they can, remodel their house, buy a car, a boat, new clothes, then file bankruptcy to get it all written off, you should go to jail for fraud. Simple as that. The rest of the country takes up paying off your shit.

You shouldn't be able to get out of it that easy - by paying court costs and attorney fees.

One Small Step

Utah Bill Signed, Illegals Lose Licenses:

"Gov. Jon Huntsman on Tuesday signed a bill replacing regular Utah driver's licenses for undocumented immigrants with driving privilege cards that can't be used as official identification to board airplanes or register to vote."

Not that they should ever have had a driver's license in the first place since it was illegal for them to even be here, but at least it's one small step in cutting down priveledges for people illegally in the United States.
I say good job. Now let's start tightening screws elsewhere.

Spam Subject of the Day

This sounds promising:

"V1AGRA: Don't stop until she passes out!"

It's usually the other way around.
Screw like a rabid dog! Or rabid bunny! Or screw a rabid dog or bunny!

Mayor Update

Spam Subject of the Day

"finite Hidden pqin in pqin Pill.Oruvail"

Hidden pqin. Mst gd sm Oruvail.
Stupids.

Just Wondering

So if Michael Moore-on farted in the forest and no one was around to hear it, would the stench still kill all the wildlife?

Doodoo Heads

Where do these idiots come from?

"We must make this an insecure and inhospitable place for capitalists and their projects…. We must reclaim the roads and plowed land, halt dam construction, tear down existing dams, free shackled rivers and return to wilderness millions of tens of millions of acres of presently settled land."

—David Foreman, Earth First!

"We must then put our horse in the barn, go inside and sit in the dark, and wait for the flood."

"Every time you turn on an electric light, you are making another brainless baby."

—Helen Caldicott, Union of Concerned Scientists

Seems there were a lot of electric lights turned on to form this organization.

"I would take even money that England will not exist in the year 2000."

—Paul Ehrlich in (1969)

There were probably a lot of pissed people when that didn't happen.

"In ten years all important animal life in the sea will be extinct. Large areas of coastline will have to be evacuated because of the stench of dead fish."

—Paul Ehrlich, Earth Day (1970)

No, that's just the normal California smell.

This shit just writes itself.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Only 15 minutes is all you need before hot night of love! charley monetarism"

We've been down this road before.
charley monetarism? Who the hell is that?

Pricey 'Piece'

Boeing Fires CEO After Affair with Exec:

"Boeing Co. on Monday said it fired Chief Executive Harry Stonecipher after he had an affair with a female executive that violated company rules, saying his leadership abilities had been damaged."

Screwing that woman cost him a lot of money.
Dumbass.

We Survived 3-4-5

Did anyone else notice friday's date?
03/04/2005 = 03-04-05

Wasn't something bad supposed to happen? Like all computer screens melting before your eyes?
Or maybe hard drives falling out the front of the computer?

From The Hometown Newspaper

Ain't it the truth.
Now I'm not blaming the lawyers here, more like the whiney-ass liberals who hire them.

As always, Right-click->View Image for better quality.

I Want My MTV

Look at them hoo-ha's. That's the way you do it.
You flash your titties on the eM Tee Vee.

WHINNNEEEYYYYY!!!!
Iwannn... myemmm t-t-teeveeeeedammit! Loooky am meee! Mmnekid! [snort]
HEY! WHOPUTTT THISSSONme. Thisssdon-thisssdon gonme!
KnI haveunnnn... I wannuther marnini...nnnn....

Ugh.

"...then we shared a nice bottle of red wine, and went to my bed. I cupped his little pee-pee in my big strong hands and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. And well, we were feeling so nice. Just like heaven. The bond was so deep.
As we spooned I prayed that we could just stay this way forever and ever."

Oh Goody.

Martha's Bustin Out:

No, she's the one in the middle.

Spam Subject of the Day

Hah!

"Your woman will be surprised with your LARGE penis"

Yeah, but my wife might find out.

Good Gawd

There are some really stoooooopid people in this world:

• We, the people, are tired of having our schools invaded by psychotic youngsters.
• We, the people, are tired of being robbed of our political leaders by some psychotic with a gun or a rifle.
• We, the people, are tired of passing through metal detectors on our way to our courts and our governmental buildings.
• We, the people, are tired of being victimized by gun carrying criminals.

Let me add my own statement:
"We the people are too fucking stupid to realize that it is psychotics and criminals causing these problems, not the implement they are holding in their hand."

Take note here how several times they pointed out that it was psychotics and criminals performing these actions. Now substitute the word gun in any those sentences with any weapon of your choice, and the statements would be just as strong, but it would still be people causing the problem and not the weapon.

Martini 101

...
True martini nirvana consists of three distinct layers. The top layer is mostly aromatic, and comes from the oils from a twist of lemon peel. The oils float upon the middle layer, which is the gin/vermouth/water mixture. The bottom, and final layer is the domain of the olive. The olive adds a positive tactile experience with its smooth skin and chewy texture. But the flavor, especially the saltiness, is important too.

The large surface area at the top of the martini glass allows the lemon oil to dissipate in a very thin layer across the surface of the liquid. It also helps to promote perception of the lemon oil, as it forces the drinker’s nose to be centered over the glass. It also serves as a “trap’ to contain as the volatile aroma, and exclude outside air currents.

The small cone at the bottom of the glass holds the olive in place. Brine from the olive leaches into the martini liquid over time. The brine is heavier than the martini liquid, and the cone shape contains the brine flavored liquid in the bottom of the glass, so that it may be enjoyed last.

To maximize the contrast between the layers, it is best to follow a certain construction method. First, mix the liquids as described earlier, and strain into the glass. Then drop in the olive. If the olive is added first, the splashing of the liquid over it can disperse the brine throughout the drink. After the olive has been added, the lemon peel is twisted above the surface of the liquid, and the spray is allowed to settle on the surface. The peel is thrown away.

The experience of the transitions between layers is not exactly binary. But it can be fun experimenting with your construction (and drinking) process, trying to keep the transition region as distinct as humanly possible.

One of the great joys of true martini nirvana is in experiencing the change in flavors, textures, and aromas as one moves between the layers.

The lemony hit is strong at first, and the oily mixture is bitter sweet. As the lemon oil is consumed, the martini mid-range is entered. Here, you’ll observe mostly pure gin/vermouth flavor, with an occasional remembrance of lemon, and maybe a tease of salt and olive aroma that hints at what’s to come. As the end approaches, the olive flavor becomes more intense, and the texture more robust. Finally, the glass is tipped, and the olive is consumed. The chewing sensation and the burst of salty brine serves as a climactic ending to the experience, while your entire mouth is left a bit parched and puckered. In other words, perfectly primed for another…."

From commenter jmaster, via vodkapundit:

Got Zits?

Old Pimple Remedy:

"Take 2 Puppies before they can see, chopp of their heads & hang them up by the heels to bleed," then mix with white wine to rid the patient of unsightly pimples"

Hell, it sounds worth a try.

Joke Of The Day

I stole this from Gut Rumbles after I laughed my ass off:

There was a young woman named Alice
Who used a dynamite stick for a phallus
They found her vagina in South Carolina
And part of her anus in Dallas.

Never heard that one before.

Michael Fucking Jackson

Good Gawd. Must they?
Do we have to hear about this shit every day?
Fuck! Go away already.

You Gotta Love Him

So the mayor of Las Vegas goes to reading week at the local elementary school:

Mayor endorses gin to fourth graders

School officials say Goodman's remarks were inappropriate

School officials say Goodman's remarks were inappropriate
Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman told a group of fourth graders on Monday that if he was marooned on a desert island the one thing he would want to have with him is a bottle of gin.

And when a student quizzed Goodman about his hobbies he replied that "drinking" was one of them, said Mackey Elementary School Principal Kamala Washington, who was present for the mayor's visit.

Uh-oh. That'll get him some trouble.

Goodman was unapologetic for his comments that came during his visit to the elementary school in North Las Vegas.

"I'm the George Washington of mayors. I can't tell a lie. If they didn't want the answer the kid shouldn't have asked the question," Goodman said. "It's me, what can I do?"

He's well know around here for tipping a glass or two.
But even worse than the PTA, school board, angry parents, ...

Goodman said the comments did get him in trouble at home though.

"My wife wanted me to say her," Goodman said about what he would bring to a desert island.

Oh well. Can you blame him?

Quips about drinking and drinking gin are commonplace in Goodman's public appearances, although usually those are in front of older audiences.

The mayor is particularly fond of gin martinis and became a pitchman for Bombay Sapphire gin in late 2002.

Hmm. I don't think he'll be making many more stops at schools.

Update: Gin? On a deserted island?

Spam Subject of the Day

This is good:

From: "Renascence M. Infections"
Subject: "You don't know me from Adam. :)"

Not sure where you got your name, but it's stupid.
And you're right. I don't.

Once Again, I've Missed Out

I never had teachers like this when I was in high school:

Teacher Has Sex with Pupil While Baby in Car: Cops:
"A California high school teacher was arraigned on Monday at a Sacramento court accused of having sex with a student in a car as her two-year child was strapped into the back seat.
.
'They found them to be partially clothed and engaging in what appeared to be sexual intercourse.'

Now, most people would think that there are a couple stories here. First we have the teacher giving the sixteen year old kid a real education. [wink]
Then we have the story of the teachers' kid in the back seat, who is also getting an education [wink]. (Not that the kid is going to remember any of this in a few years anyway.)
But the real story here is, knowing how careless kids are these days, the teen was probably looking right into the eyes of the kid as he was bouncing around on the teacher and not even thinking about the fact that what he was doing would make another one just like it.

Then again, maybe he wasn't skin diving. Maybe he had a wet suit on.

Quote of the Day

"Maybe there are different ways I would define myself. But I can tell you that my biggest weakness is my sensitivity. I am too sensitive a person."

-- former boxing star MIKE TYSON.

Uuuh-huh.

Anna Nicole Visits Australia

Anna Nicole a handful :

Mm Ilate yetth? Gimma mar-nini. Iwanna fukkinmarnini nnnn....
Yanowwhat? This isnnn... thisis "the most prettiest country I have ever been to."
Waiminutt nnn... "where are the damn fucking kangaroos?" nnn.... Anmy marniniiii...Iwanmy marnini nnn.....

Hey! Watch This!

From HealthDay:

Study: Drinking Triples Injury Risk:
"There's more evidence that overindulging in drink can have very serious consequences: A new study finds drinkers are three times more likely to die from injury as non-drinkers or former drinkers."

Again I say, this took a study? One trip to the emergency room or police station on any given holiday weekend would have given you all the obvious information they needed.

'The last thing he said was "Here. Hold My Beer."'

Spam Subject of the Day

Huh?

"cliffhang Zydone shipping worlwdide hefty"

I don't even know what the fuck they're trying to sell here. That definitely ain't going to make me want to click on it.

Chris Rock at the Oscars

Transcript: Chris Rocks Comments on President Bush at the Oscars:

"Now I watched Fahrenheit, I learned some stuff man. Bush did some things you could never get away with at your job, man. Never, ever, ever."

Just goes to show how stupid hollyweirdos are. He learned some stuff? From a goddamn movie? Uhhhh Chris, did you forget something here? You're hollywood, the movie is hollywood, it wasn't real. It wasn't a documentary. It was a movie.

Besides, The Oscars ain't what I would consider a political rally. It's a fucking show-and-tell. A "Look At Me" day.
Dress up in stupid shit you wouldn't wear any other time, rent expensive bling-bling to wear once, prance around a little to look and act important and "be seen", say stupid bogus shit about someone you really don't give a fuck about, and hope you get a reward for it all.

Now who in their right mind would really expect to get a dose of truth and enlightenment from that bullshit?

What a fool.

Given A Different Context This Would Have Been A Hoot

From Reuters:
Tapes of Bush Chat Turned Over to Bush Lawyer:

"Wead was an old friend ..."

Wead not weed, you dope smoking dummy.
At least I humor myself sometimes.

This Is Just Getting Too Stupid

Lighters to be banned on airline flights:

"Airline passengers will have to ditch their lighters or lose them to airport security screeners when a new ban on lighters takes effect in April."

Soon, you will no longer be able to carry pencils on a plane, because rubbing two sticks together can start a fire. Any bad guy who really wants to can explode a bomb. You can use a battery and steel wool to light a fire. Those are still legal carry-on items.
I think they should concentrate more on finding the bombs rather than banning everything hey can think of.
Maybe it's a plot - the government is trying to shut down all the airlines by driving away all the passengers, so they don't have to keep shelling out money to keep them in business and bail them out of bankruptcy.

Another Hostage Pleading For Their Life

From Reuters:

French Hostage in Iraq Pleads for Help
Kidnapped French journalist Florence Aubenas, taken hostage with her driver in Baghdad more than seven weeks ago, made a desperate appeal for help in a video tape released by Iraqi insurgents Tuesday.

"I ask particularly for the help of the French deputy Didier Julia. Help me Mr. Julia, help me. It's urgent," she said

"Oh Fra-aance. Where are yooouuuuu?! Anybody home?"

Spam Subject of the Day

Ugh.

"Nizoral inspiration fungus infections of the skin marble"

That's just disgusting. The skin on my marbles is in jeopardy.

A Cannon?

From: 9news.com | News via Protein Wisdom:

"The family of writer Hunter S. Thompson is looking for a cannon to blast his remains skyward, honoring a wish he often expressed."

I think they should just tamp his dust in a few cartridges and use the same gun he used to spray his brains all over the wall.

Stop And Think About This A Little

BBC NEWS | Middle East | Iran girl gets 100 lashes for sex

"The girl was sentenced to 100 lashes because her accusations of rape and kidnap could have landed her partners a death penalty, the Tehran judge said.

Sex outside marriage is illegal in Iran and capital punishment can be imposed."

How many of you out there have had, know someone who has had, or even have a son/daughter/cousin/niece who has had extramarital sex?
Would you like to have been whipped for getting caught? How many times would you like your daughter to get whipped for screwing around after the prom? Your son? Your sister or brother?
Well, you don't really have to admit to anything, I was just curious. Praise Allah.

Where's My Oscar?

"Is nmy turnna gwannow? nnnn.. Wasn tham maname nnnn....?
Whadd y'mean I dinn-get no Ossar? I WANMY OSSAR! dammyou. dammyou all.
Ness year? mamie nessyear? FUUUk you-nnn. I donneed you enway!
I wann-one uh that pisser nnn... thassa nee pisser nnnn...."

What's Wrong With This Picture?

Well in my opinion, a lot.
Related link.

Moo Dirty To Me

This is just to good of a story to only link. I had to put the whole thing in here.
From the Marshfield News-Herald:

"NEILLSVILLE, Wis. - A 63-year-old man is charged with sexual gratification with an animal for allegedly having sex with calves.

Harold G. Hart, of Neillsville, allegedly told police that he routinely stopped at a Greenwood farm, usually after bar closing or on trips to strip clubs near Marshfield or Neillsville.

A criminal complaint filed in Clark County Circuit Court said the farm's owners installed a motion detector on Jan. 22 after regularly seeing footprints and vehicle tracks on their land. Around 4 a.m. the next morning, a sensor sounded and Hart was caught leaving the barn, but Hart allegedly said he just used a bathroom in the barn and had never been there before.

Hart told police he had sex with heifers before he went into the service in 1963 and resumed about a year ago at the farm. He admitted to using a rope to tie calves around the neck and estimated he had been to the farm 'at least 50 times,' according to the complaint.

He told police he never had sex with animals while maintaining a relationship with his a girlfriend or his wife, the complaint said.

Hart also is charged with disorderly conduct and two counts of obstructing an officer. Each charge carries up to nine months in jail.

Hart is scheduled to appear in court March 10."

Quite a 'dry' spell there eh Harold? From 1963 'til now? Now you've visited there about 50 times? Nothing like a good roll in the hay.

"Oh Bessie. ...that's it...hold still now....easy girl...."
"moooOOOOOO-OO-OO-OO-OO!!!!!!"

I dunno what the fuck he'd been drinking in those bars, but it must have been some serious shit.

French Customs

I don't know if this is a true story or not, it was sent to me in an email. But I wouldn't be a bit surprised if it was:

A group of Americans, retired teachers, recently went to France on a tour. One of the teachers, Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris with the group. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on bag.

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.

"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready," snipped the Frenchman.

Mr. Whiting replied, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show my passport"

"Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France!" asserted the officer loud enough to draw attention.

The American senior gave the French custom officer a long hard look. Then he quietly explained: "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate your country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to!"

It is to laugh.

Spam Subject Of The Day

Todays' entry:

"Guys Want a Bigger Dong? Ladies Want Bigger Boobs?"

The pill that evidently does it all.
But how does it know which one to make bigger? I don't think I want bigger boobs.

Road Kill Candy

I need to get some of this stuff on principle alone:

Kraft Draws Ire for Road Kill Candy

"Animal rights activists are disgusted by a new candy from Kraft Foods Inc. that's shaped like critters run over by cars — complete with tire treads."

Of course they are.

"The fruity-flavored Trolli Road Kill Gummi Candy — in shapes of partly flattened snakes, chickens and squirrels — fosters cruelty toward animals, according to the New Jersey Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals."

Fosters cruelty toward animals, how? Are kids - the age of which will buy this stupid shit - going to be driving down the road aiming at wildlife? I seriously doubt it.
Yup, PETA is still stupid.

Personally, I think it should be flavored like roadkill if they're going to sell it as such.

The Slut

There you have it:

Court: Man Can Sue Over Surprise Pregnancy
"A man who says his former lover deceived him by getting pregnant using semen obtained through oral sex can sue for emotional distress — but not theft, an appeals court has ruled."

So let me get this straight. She sucked him off, then mumbled something while she made a mad dash to the freezer?

"She asserts that when plaintiff 'delivered' his sperm, it was a gift," the decision said. "There was no agreement that the original deposit would be returned upon request."

Delivered...a gift. I like that statement.
"Here honey. Here's a gift for you."

Now I'm still trying to get a grasp of what happened here. She gave him head, then somehow saved the wad. She then what, spit it put it in the ice cube tray and put it in the freezer? He goes home to his wife, and she crinkled up the ice cube tray, grabbed the 'sample', and inserted it to try and get knocked up?
I dunno. Maybe she used a more scientific method, but she still sounds like she may be rather looney.

I Knew It!

Quit being so anal:

German court rules that beer with sugar is still beer:

"A German brewer won a court battle allowing its sugar-infused frothy beverages to retain the name 'beer' even if they violate the strict 16th century purity laws governing the industry."

And a chicken is still a chicken, even if it's marinated.
The ingredient aren't nearly as important as the final result. Sure, there are purists who think that beer should consist only of grain, hops, yeast and water. But, and here's the rub, the grains contain sugar. What the hell difference does it make if some of the sugar comes from another source?

Fun With GIMP

Another quickie using GIMP imaging software:

GIMP image manipulator can be found here.

More Big Brother

Just what we need. More regulation.

Salt Should Be Regulated Food Additive, Group Says:

"A consumer group sued the federal government on Thursday, saying that salt is killing tens of thousands of Americans and that regulators have done too little to control salt in food."

Booze, drugs, cigarettes, cheeseburgers, and now salt?
Insurance companies will pick up on this too, I'm sure. And employers.
Add salt to the list of things you can get terminated for, denied insurance for, go to jail for selling, etc., etc., etc., ......

Spam Subject of the Day

One big group today:

High rates? 3.25 fixed with us!
Rates fixed at 3.25
Approved mortage rate
High rates? Not with us! 3.25 fixed
You've been selected for a low rate
You've been approved at 3.25"
Pre-approved Application #ESFYIP340
Re-finance at 3.25 fixed
Need a 3.25% mortage rate?
Hot Hot Savings
3.25% rate approval

Anybody need a mortgage?

The Perfect Woman

So you're a single guy in a new relationship, and you're wondering how to see how it's going so far. If you have a chance with this girl.
Here's an experiment you can perform. It should only take one evening, but worst case scenario, you'll have a fairly good idea if the test was successful within 24 hours.

HERE'S WHAT TO DO:

1. Find a girl you really like.

2. Ask her out on a date.

3. Hopefully all goes well and you end up going out on a few more.

4. At some point in time (in my case: Date 3) ask her to pick a restaurant she'd really like to try. You'll probably find yourself at an establishment serving Spicy Mexican food. (A restaurant that looks kind of dicey but has tasty entrees and a cool waitress named, Maria.)

6. After you've finished eating and are back in her apartment settling in, you might feel your stomach start to rumble a little. But don't worry! - It's okay!

7. A few minutes after that, once she's poured two glasses of wine and has turned her Direct Tv to the, "Easy Listening" station, you'll most likely want to move in for a seductive kiss that will hopefully lead to an extensive night of passionate love making.

8. Just as your lips are about to touch, don't be surprised if the rumbling expands and grows extremely uncomfortable.

9. Take this opportunity to excuse yourself and head for the bathroom (conveniently located right off of the living room where you're both sitting on the couch). Feel free to pretend you've injured your back so the leaned-over, "clenched walk" doesn't give anything away!

10. Go into the bathroom and sit down. Apply gentle pressure to your stomach muscles while also squeezing your buttocks tightly so as to avoid embarrassing flatuence.

11. When your bowels decide to suddenly cramp and heave painfully, allow them the freedom to do what they must.

12. You will then emit a large explosion of soiled burrito and bean dip which will splatter noisily against the porcelain sounding like someone's slapping large wet sheets of meat together while blowing soup through them.

13. Refuse any attempts to flush quickly hoping the drain will carry the stench away. (It won't.)

14. CONTINUE releasing.

15. Minutes later, between grunts, when the painful cramping and explosive volcanic gasses are at their peak and you're seriously concerned about all the "splash back" going on below, expect a knock at the door accompanied by the question, "Are you okay?"

16. Reply with, "Yeah...'Sall good."

17. Feel free to turn on the water to try and cover the noise.

18. When finished, (after checking the bowl for blood and cleansing yourself with babywipes she keeps under the sink) straighten yourself up.

19. If there's no air-freshener available, feel free to use hairspray to try and mask the air.

20. Open the door and shut it very quickly behind you. (Be prepared that no matter how hard you try, simple physics dictate that the act of opening and closing the door will invariably cause the nasty scent to stick to you resulting in it being carried back to the couch with you like a big brown magnetic poisonous cloud.)

21. PAY THE STENCH NO MIND!

22. Sit down next to her and make some flattering compliment like, "Where'd you get that cool shower curtain?"

23. Then resume moving in for the KISS...

24. If she kisses you back, you've found a girl who'll love you forever. Congratulations!

25. But if, instead, she suddenly decides, "It's getting kinda late..." and walks you to door, don't give up hope!

26. Go home. Wait patiently.

27. Check her blog the next day.

28. If she's posted an entry titled: MY BIG SHITTY DATE!, and used phrases like, 1. It's going to take a week to air out!, 2. I almost called an ambulence! and 3. The fucking guy had SWAMP-ASS!, chances are pretty good she's not the one for you.

29. Bitch.

30. Next time order something with lots of cheese.

Feel free to use this helpful test with anyone you think you might have a potential future with.

Source: Somewhere on Craigslist.com

Quote of the Day

From Hog on Ice. In our modern, politically correct world, we have a new phrase:

Geez, did I really say "fat lady"? I meant "doorway-challenged Vaginal-American."

It is to laugh.

Overheard inside a Ramadi bunker, Wednesday, Feb 23

From Protein Wisdom:

Overheard inside a Ramadi bunker, Wednesday, Feb 23

First militant: “In the unlikely event I am killed by the toothless paper tigers of the American military juggernaut, Hassan, do you suppose Allah will allow me trade my 72 virgins for, say, a Playstation 2 with ‘Grand Theft Auto’...?”

Second militant:

First militant: “...Because honestly, the last virgin I bedded just sorta lay there like a wet palm frond. Whimpering from time to time. And bleeding quite a bit from her --”

Second militant: “-- I get the point, Tamir. And the answer is, shut up and finish wiring those IEDs before I beat you to death with a rifle butt. Allah be pleased.”

I always get a chuckle from that blog.

Towel Heads cont.....

Well, Jimmy-san took me to task with my "Goddamn Towelheads" post. While he agreed with me that some of the things I wrote about were wrong, he implied I was a racist for grouping these people under the 'towel-head' umbrella.
Maybe categorizing people by where they live or were born by the clothing they wear is somewhat racist, but identifying them by the blanket wrapped around their thick skulls is the quickest and most efficient way I have of identifying them by what they are and what they do. Most everyone in the world can readily identify these backward psychopaths from a picture, simply by noticing their garments. Just as if I was wearing a trucker cap with a big number 3 on it I would be categorized as a redneck, or an oversized fuzzy hat alongside a gate I would be categorized as a palace guard.

So now he tells me:

"You can't just force a whole nation into the 21st century. Jesus christ, man, you're a bully."

I'm a bully. Am I the one who beats his wife on a regular basis? With a stick? What 'men' these are. Do I send around the professional rapists to fuck someone's daughter because another member of her family has shamed the family? Yeah, these are the wise old elders. I'm the bully?
People no longer 'own' other people. Or at least they shouldn't. It is wrong. And that is exactly what the 'elders' of these idiot countries do.

No, I can't force a whole nation into the 21st century. But I can at least point out how stupid these people are that haven't gotten past the 1st.
I will pass on articles and spread the word a little and attention to them so more people can see what these idiots are doing. The only way these people will enter into the 21st century is eliminating their backward moronic ways. And if we have to 'conquer' the sick bastards to give their women and children a life, then so be it.

"Hypothetical situation: Let's say a friend of yours can't drive, but he has a disorder that forces him to do things at random. You and all your other friends are more than capable drivers. The friend who has the disorder steals one of your cars and crashes, but only as he tries to leave the road. He is very badly hurt.

What do you do? Help him?

Or do you use OUTDATED, UNACCEPTABLE derogatory terms, then call him backward and stupid for having strange ways."

I'm confused as to exactly what you are saying here, since there seems to be several trains of thought going on, but if I understand correctly I would probably kick my own ass for allowing someone who shouldn't be behind the wheel of a car have access to mine. I must have left the keys where they could get to them.
But, if they were badly hurt, I would send him to the hospital, then to jail. If they weren't badly hurt, I would just send them to jail. Then I would call them a stupid fuck.

So you're saying these people have a disorder? A fucking disorder? A disorder is an ailment. An illness. And what they do isn't 'at random'. It's cold, calculated cruelty.
These crazy bastards grew up taught to do what they do. They are taught this is the correct way to do things and that any other way is unacceptable. A disorder?
A child growing up in an abusive household may not know they are being abused until years after the abuse has stopped. That's what they know. That's what they grew up with. It isn't a disorder, it's a learned behavior. Is this acceptable in your sheltered over-governed world?
An Iraqi child growing up in a household where they are taught that the man of the house is supposed to beat them on a regular basis isn't a disorder. It's goddamn abuse. Using a cane on someone because they have a difference of opinion isn't a disorder, it's abuse.
Being a paid rapist is a disorder? What do you think would happen to someone in the free world if they got caught doing this shit? If they were lucky, they would get sent to prison. If they were unlucky, they would get shot. Hopefully, after having been dragged behind a moving vehicle for a mile or two.

"Your ways seem very strange to me. I'm a young man bought up to know in modern day society you do not say those sorts of things."

I'm a man brought up to know in modern day society what sort of things are acceptable and which aren't. Me referring to some crazy bastards as towelheads is probably the worst most damaging thing I'll do all day, or probably all week.
I'll take someone calling me a cracker, or a hypocrit, or a fuckhead, or whatever you want to come up with. A bunch of words from a witless ass don't get under my skin.
Destroying families, lives, and futures - I personally believe - is slightly worse than a little name calling.

"You're just a hypocrit. Seriously. I won't even reply to what is going to be some smarmy, arrogant response to this comment. Because at your age... and let's face it, you should know better... you're quite obviously a lost cause.

People like me all over the world are the future. We're not bullies, and we help who we can.

All the best."

You're right. At my age, I know better. I am lost to the way of thinking that the world is one big happy family. It's all flowers and sunshine and hugs and kisses and people don't kill people and share and share alike and smoke some more weed and sit in a circle and sing 'kumba-ya' and all of our problems will just magically go away and why can't we all just get along and have another hit and I want another brownie and pass the chips.....

I know better than to listen to some punk-assed idealistic school aged twit who thinks they know more about the world today than someone who has lived it for as long as I have. And I haven't lived in it for all that long yet.

The part that cracks me up most is the part where you say "People like me all over the world are the future."
I've known a whole wagonload of people like you. And if that's the future, then Allah help us all. I hope you grow up a little before the future gets here.

That's my "smarmy, arrogant response" of which you said you weren't even going to reply to. Now go crawl back in your arrogant, lofty shell and pray for the rest of us old untrainable farts.

Spam Subject of the Day

Yup.

"This is what your girlfriend desires, don't make her wait! call ewing"

First of all, I don't have a girlfriend. I would get in trouble by my wife. But if I did, there's nothing she desires that you could sell me, that I wouldn't already have.
And who the hell is ewing?

Funny Shit

This tickled my funny bone. Maybe I'm a 'racist' towards rednecks, but...well I grew up in the country, so I still get a chuckle out of the similarities.
Are you a redneck? Here are some indicators:

• 1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
• 2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
• 3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
• 4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
• 5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
• 6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."
• 7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
• 8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan
• 9. Your junior prom offered day care.
• 10. You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
• 11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house blew itself right off the wheels.
• 12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
• 13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
• 14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
• 15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
• 16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
• 17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk

Arizona Bay

So maybe we don't need the big one to hit Cal-ee-fornia for it to slide off into the ocean.
With all this rain we here west of the Great Divide have been getting, it's going to wash off six inches at a time.

I'll wait.

Update: Proofread young grasshopper. It is wise to correct the spelling error before you click on the 'Publish'.

Goddamn Towelheads

From The Canadia Press:

Pakistani man ordered to marry off young niece as punishment for his adultery:

"A Pakistan village council has punished a 20-year-old man for adultery by ordering the betrothal of his two-year-old niece to the husband of the woman with whom he had the alleged affair, police said on Monday."

Yeah, that'll teach everyone a lesson. Especially the two-year-old. What the fuck is wrong with these backward morons? Are they ever going to start living in the real world?

"Village councils in conservative rural parts of Pakistan traditionally rule on local disputes, such as when a family's "honour" is purportedly besmirched by allegations of love affairs. The councils can dictate harsh - and sometimes illegal - punishments."

Village Councils. A group of stupid, backward, chauvanistic fucks with towels wrapped around their head. Obviously the towel overheats the brain. Destroys logic, sense and reality.
One good thing about a towel wrapped around the head is that when you place the gun right next to the skull the brain matter won't splatter as widely and make as big of a mess.

"In 2002, another village council near Multan ordered a woman to be gang-raped as punishment for her brother's sexual relations with another woman."

Gang-raping the sister instead of the brother who screwed around? That makes a whole lot of sense.
Well, because he is a guy, evidently, it's the sisters' fault that her brother is a slut. Amazing.

Sheet of glass.

This Day In History - Flag On Iwo Jima

From the History Channel (no permalink):

"U.S. FLAG ON IWO JIMA:
February 23, 1945

During the bloody Battle for Iwo Jima, U.S. Marines from the 3rd Platoon, E
Company, 2nd Battalion, 28th Division take the crest of Mount Suribachi, the
island's highest peak and most strategic position, and raise the U.S. flag.
Marine photographer Louis Lowery was with them and recorded the event."

One of the most famous pictures of all time. Too bad the dude that took it never lived long enough to see just how popular his photography became. He was killed in battle soon after he shot the event.

Live From New York

"Anyone is better than Bush" - "Bush = Hiter" - "It's all about the oil" - "I broke a nail"

Poll: 6 in 10 Ready for U.S. Woman Leader:

"The poll, conducted by the Siena College Research Institute and sponsored by Hearst Newspapers, also found that 81 percent of people surveyed would vote for a woman for president and 53 percent think New York Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton should try for the job."

[emphasis mine]
A poll in New York, sponsored by a newspaper. Yup - that's impartial.
What sort of morons did they call? Well, we know what sort, it says it in the article. But nevertheless, these people abviously don't have a clue.
Again I state that I have nothing against women. I love women. They're all soft and warm, and they smell good too.
But for president of the United States? Naw. Hildebeast Clinton? Get real. The only qualifications she has is that she rode the coattails of a former president who's agenda totally differed from the voters who put him there.
I would rather see Condoleezza Rice that Hildegard, but I would rather not see either.

Spam Subject of the Day

Asdkwoquf kdjfope jhgrkk:

"Traczyk Velev Pasukov"

Klsdj eoiop nvci kemcn dkleoi kdkwsl.

"Is there a translator in the house?"

Iran Don't Need Nukes

From Yahoo:

Hundreds Dead After Strong Earthquake Hits Iran

"A powerful earthquake hit a mountainous region of southeast Iran Tuesday, killing almost 400 people, injuring hundreds and destroying villages, officials said."

There's a threat of Iran having nukes and another war hanging over the world's head, but I'm sure we'll be diving in head first with aid and supplies.
It would be nice if we could get mother nature to cooperate a little, we could have her level North Korea too.

Spam Subject of the Day

Here's a good one:

"saxxauly expljicit:: Get access now to many saxx sites! hercules"

I picture naked saxaphones in many precarious positions.
A musicians' wet dream I suppose.

Ugh!

I just lost my appetite:

"Clothing Optional" dinner?
Nothing to see here folks. Move along.

'Minutemen'?

From Yahoo!:

"Nearly 500 volunteers have already joined the Minuteman Project, anointing themselves civilian border patrol agents determined to stop the immigration flow that routinely, and easily, seeps past federal authorities."

It may be an idea, but it won't work. Inasmuch as I would like to see it, it won't be long before the governer releases the National Guard on their asses.
The government would rather see 2 million illegals cross the border, take advantage of our welfare system and public schools, than tighten up border security. Espercially at the hands of a vigilante force.

All I can say for now is, good luck.

Spam Subject of the Day

Fun-ny:

"RE: Guys Want a Bigger Dong?"

My doctor told me not to lift anything over twenty pounds for the next few weeks.

Bunch Of Shiite-Heads

What a bunch of maroons:

Try lowering the blade a little. Nice clean Cicero Smile, just for me.

It's All Over Now

Valentine's Day is over. Wish I would have found the site sooner.
Here are my efforts:

Go here and make your own.

'Bloody' Protesters

This Story Made My Day:

WHEN 35 Greenpeace protesters stormed the International Petroleum Exchange (IPE) yesterday they had planned the operation in great detail.

What they were not prepared for was the post-prandial aggression of oil traders who kicked and punched them back on to the pavement.

...“They grabbed us and started kicking and punching. Then when we were on the floor they tried to push huge filing cabinets on top of us to crush us." ...

Bloody 'ell Guvna. I'm thinking the animalistic behaviour of those oil trading thugs putting these jolly protesting chaps in hospital took them totally aback.

Well, it does my heart good to see them get the bloody shit kicked out of them for:

• Trespassing (or is it tres-pu-sing)
• Trying to interfere with other people's business
• Rudeness
• Obnoxiousness (Is that a word? Don't care. You know what I mean.)
• Being Greenpeace protesters
  

Blimey, mate.

Assholes

Anybody besides me want to set fire to this house er, display?

Sure. The first ammendment gives you the right to say anything you want. Express yourself any way you want. But you must also accept the consequences of your actions.

I really wish these fucks could meet some of the parents/wives/children of the soldiers who have been killed in this or any other war. The loved ones who are proud of their soldiers and the sacrifice they have given because of their duty, the love of their country, their family, AND THE RIGHTS OF THESE ASSHOLES TO SAY OR EXPRESS THEMSELVES ANY WAY THEY WANT BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE FIRST AMMENDMENT!!!, which people a helluva lot braver and selfless than these morons have fought for - and died for, over the years to retain!

Flick-flick-flick...

Oh The Humanity!

What the hell are they doing? Are they mad?:

They're making futuristic Looney Toons characters. Some sort of spaceship based plot.
Ugh. I could just puke. Did they not learn their lesson corrupting the originals with the new spin-offs? Looney Kids or whatever the hell they were?

Buzz Bunny? Gawd.
Hear that noise? That's Mel Blanc spinning furiously in his grave.

Farting In The Wind

At first glance, I think maybe we should get the word out:

U.S. Runs 'Wanted' Ads on Pakistan TV for Bin Laden:

"The United States launched a campaign on Pakistani television and radio in the past week to advertise multi-million-dollar rewards for information leading to the arrest of Osama bin Laden and other al Qaeda leaders."

I picture Pakistanis sitting around in front of the tube in their shorts, with a teevee tray loaded with humis, spiced up chicken and flat bread, saying "YO Fatma! I didn't realize they wanted him that bad! Maybe I better start looking for him. I could be rich! RICH RICH! Get my sword and camel!"

Then I think of how these people know what a tyrants Bin Loser and his ilk are. How they know that by simply thinking about giving out any information - not to mention trying to persue those fuckers would get himself, his family, and most likely everyone in town killed. And on top of that, a lot of people over there admire, respect and cannonize the fool.

After all this, I wonder why we are wasting time and money on advertising. Obviously, someone had a brain fart and convinced their higher-ups it would be a good idea. I thinks it's a waste. The money could be better spent putting a picture of Osama Bin Hidin' on the back of milk cartons over there instead.

Spam Subject of the Day

YEAH!!!!

"Meaat saaxy women in your area! boyce"

By meaat, do you mean be introduced to - as in meet? If so, there ain't any I haven't already met, you weenie.
Or do you mean meat - as in stick the meat to?

Mr. Potatohead

BWAH!

Shamelessly stolen from "On The Patio".

Spam Subject of the Day

WOW!

"Hello, handsome!"

I'm all a-twitter again.
How did they know who I was?

When I Was A Kid....

Cool!
Teacher Allegedly Gave Bomb-Making Lesson:

"David Pieski, 42, used an overhead projector in class to give instructions in making explosives to students at Freedom High School, including advising them to use an electric detonator to stay clear from the blast, an Orange County sheriff's arrest report said."

Where was this teacher when I was going to school? This would have been a 'blast'!

BWAH HAH HAH HAH - again.

Jenna Elfman - another loony hollywood star thrashing around in 'The Deep End':

Scientologist Elfman wants to ‘clear the planet’

“I intend to make Scientology as accessible to as many people as I can. And that is my goal,” Elfman said. To do this, she says, it is my “duty to clear the planet.” By “clearing” she means to rid the world of “body thetans” — aliens who Scientologists believe inhabit the earth from a nuclear explosion 75 million years ago. She continued that “the more successful I became, the more suppression I bumped into … especially in the entertainment industry, which really is home to rabid suppression.”

"Help! The paranoids are after me!"

Yeah. Right.

Falling Fuel Tank May Have Caused Iran Blast - TV:

"A fuel tank falling from an Iranian plane could have caused an explosion in Iran's Bushehr province, where the country is building a nuclear power plant, Iran state television said on Wednesday."

Yup. And I own a bridge in Brooklyn I would like to sell.
Do these morons actually think the world will believe a story like this? State teevee said it. Everyone knows they're full of shit.
Personally, I hope it was us dropping a MOAB.

Spam Subject of the Day

Here we go:

"Ackquire all the mads you need in one place! devotion"

Go to the psychiatric hospital. There are all sorts of 'mads' there.

Fun With GIMP

Don't be afraid Bill. He won't hurt you:

GIMP image editor can be found here. It's open source freeware.

I Wanna Be Like Courtney Love When I Grow Up

"I mnnannicole. Smithdammit! Who-whothehell youthin yare ennway? I-Ima goinggo in HERE an sidown WOO! wayminute, Igodith - I malrighnow. GEBBACK - MOVEISS Thassa p-purdy pissurethere - knyhhhaff one?..."

Spam Subject of the Day

This is even better:

"Sexually outperform anyone in the world!"

I know I can outperform any woman's expectations, but this will make me outperforming anyone in the world. I need to get me some of that shit. I could be a star! Make millions!

More Coal Mining

Looking back at this post on November 29th, I see China had 4,153 coal mine deaths in the first nine months of last year. Over 5,000 total for the whole year.

Well, they just had another major accident which killed at least 203 miners:

"The blast occurred 242 meters (800 ft) below ground at the Sunjiawan colliery of the state-owned Fuxin Coal Industry Group, Xinhua said."

[My emphasis.] Did you get that? State owned.
In my previous post, I said:

"One would have to be totally crazy to work in a Chinese mine."

Allow me to rethink that statement. I was thinking that these coal miners are there working like the average Joe would be here in the United States, trying to support their families with whatever work they could find, but that they would rather work about anywhere rather than work in a coal mine.

Now after reading this article in the sunday newspaper, more specifically 'Parade' insert, about "The World's Ten Worst Dictators", I realized they probably don't have a choice:

3. Hu Jintao, China.
Age 61. In power since 2002.
Last year’s rank: Dishonorable mention.

"Hu spent 38 years moving up the Communist Party hierarchy, proving himself efficient and willing to do whatever was necessary to advance himself. Now, as president and general secretary of the party, Hu is the leader of an unusually repressive regime. Apologists point to China’s economic liberalization and say its human-rights situation “is better than it used to be.” However, the party still controls all media and uses 30,000 “Internet security agents” to monitor online use. More than 300,000 Chinese are serving “re-education” sentences in labor camps. China carries out in excess of 4000 executions a year, more than all other nations combined."

[Again, my emphasis.]
My thought now is they probably did something the government didn't like and got sentenced to re-education in a labor camp - working in a coal mine. You speak your mind or surf midget pr0n in China and you get a virtual death sentence in a labor camp.
And people over here bitch about how fucked-up our government and 'W' are?

Side note: Now the irony is, even though coal mining is the country's largest (and most dangerous) industry, they have had many lengthy power outages this year, because there has been a coal production shortage. Since most of their electrical generating plants are coal fired, they have cut back production drastically.
Gee. Do you think that maybe if the mines were a little safer and the work force wasn't reduced by 5,000+ miners every year they could produce more coal?
Just a thought.

One Day At The Local Drive-In

Michael Moore-on and Oliver Willis sit down to share a Diet Soda, and....
Yeah. Like that would ever happen.


Funnyness.
Go here. Scroll down to Sunday's entries on fat Ollie. Then, read the rebuttle.

Spam Subject of the Day

Yup:

"Outperform any women's expectations in bed!"

I already do. There's nothing you can help me with there.

Brew update

Well the Copper Snail is ready to bottle. I need to do that tonight.

Saturday was the making of Austin Homebrew's version of Rolling Rock.
What a wonderful brew. I have done this recipe before, and I highly recommend it. It is very smooth and tasty, with a slight resemblance to the 'real' Rolling Rock you buy in the store.

First the G3 concert, then Stevie Ray doing his "Austin City limits" concert on the DVD player, ice cold home brew at hand. Life is good.

Here's the recipe:
Austin Homebrew Rolling Rock

Fermentables:
4# Pale Extract
1# Corn Syrup
1# Flaked Maize
1/2 # Pilsner Malt

Adjuncts:
1# Cara-Pils

Boiling Hops:
1 1/2 oz. Hallertau

Finish Hops:
1/2 oz Hallertau flavor

Yeast:
Wyeast American Lager 2035

Procedure:
Bring temp to around 120* and mash 60 minutes
Sparge with 1 gallon water.
'Boil' < 195* for 60 minutes
1 1/2 oz. Hallertau for 60 minutes - bittering
1/2 oz. Hallertau last 15 minutes - flavor.

Of course, get the temp down below 80* before adding the yeast.

Guffaw!

From "The Onion" (No permalink):

"Frederick's Of Anchorage Debuts Crotchless Long Underwear"

Sure to be a hit.

My Head Esplode!

Stand back!

This just needed a caption.

Nanny State Bullshit

Droopy-Pants Bill Dropped in Va. Senate

"The bill, which would have slapped a $50 fine on people who wear their pants so low that their underwear is visible in "a lewd or indecent manner," passed the state House on Tuesday but was killed by a Senate committee two days later in a unanimous vote."

Good gawd. Don't they have anything better to spend their time on?
People wearing their pants down around their ass looks stupid, sloppy, classless and 'half-assed'. No two ways about it. But to waste taxpayer's money and lawmaker's time debating something as stupid as dress code, when bikinis, spandex, tank tops and t-shirts can be just as disgusting - depending on who's wearing them - is just ludicrous.
The last thing we need is the government telling us how to dress for God's sake.

Spam Subject of the Day

Change of pace here?:

"Dishwasher dilemma? Are your dishes not getting clean?"

Ooo. First I soap them up, rub them briskly, then spray like crazy.
They've never been so clean.

Valentine's Day Is Coming

How to say 'I love you' in 24 languages.....

English
I Love You

Spanish
Te Amo

French
Je T'aime

German
lch Liebe Dich

Japanese
Ai Shite Imasu

Italian
Ti Amo

Chinese
Wo Ai Ni

Swedish
Jag Alskar Dig

Alabama, Arkansas, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Missouri, Mississippi, Montana, Louisiana, West Virginia, Kentucky, parts of Florida:

Nice Ass, Get in the truck

Huh?

I don't know about this:
Band Teacher Charged With Sexual Abuse:

"When a band teacher was arrested here and charged with sexually abusing 16 students, jaws dropped at the allegations: Police said the teacher had tied young girls to chairs with duct tape and rope and then re-enacted bondage scenes from his porn collection."

Has the world gone completely mad? This is a teacher! One whom is looked up to as an example by many kids. How could he do this sort of shit to students?

"Some band boosters and community members have questioned how abuse of such a wide scope could have continued unexposed for so long, ..."

Yeah, me too. Could it be there are some pissed off students?
One of the big issues with these sort of accusations nowdays is that the teacher is immediately suspended and assumed guilty until proven innocent. Same with a parent.
Now I'm not saying all teachers are innocent, nor are all abusive parents. But I find it hard to believe that a big mouthed teen would let themselves get tied and taped up like that without saying something to someone.

Spam Subject of the Day

DAMMIT! Another famous person with a rolax:

"Anna Paquin already has a rolax! Ordeere yours! broth"

There's no way I'm going to keep up with all those Joneses.

Democrats

This was just too funny to pass up:

Right-Click-> "View image" for the full size fversion.
Credit: Dayton Daily News Tribune Media Services.