'Tis the season

The holiday season is officially here.  I know this because one of the local the radio stations, and also 3 channels on XM Radio have Christmas music playing on them as of Thanksgiving day. 

In light of this being said holiday season, I submit the following attempt at humor, which was penned by me one day roughly 25 years ago while bored in high school history class, oddly about this same time of year.  Some of it may sound familiar:

 

 

'Twas the night before Christmas

and all through the house,

the whole damn family

was drunk as a louse.

 

The stockings were hung

by the chimney with care,

with hopes that the 'Bud Man'

soon would be there.

 

I in my scivvies

and she in her drawers

were casually lying,

in drool on the floor

 

When out in the drive

there arose such a fuss

I got up with a bound

and started to cuss!

 

I shout "WHAT THE HELL!?"

at the top of my lungs

then up from the floor

almost everyone sprung.

 

A thud on the porch,

a pound on the door

a voice "OPEN UP!!"

"AND I'LL BRING IN SOME MORE!!"

 

When what to my bloodshot

eyes should appear,

ten, make it twenty

full cases of beer!

 

We let him on in

he sat down with a thud

then reached for the stack

and said "Hand me a Bud"

 

He said "Man it is cold,

and the roads are like shit,

after this year

I'm going to quit!"

 

We told him how everyone

liked having him so,

and we knew it was rough

driving in all of this snow.

 

But we'd miss him so badly

if he didn't come,

and they'd prob'ly replace him

with some useless bum.

 

A tear started to form

in his tired bloodshot eyes,

and he rose from his chair

(after five or six tries).

 

He said "Merry Christmas"

"I'll see you next year!"

Then he jumped in his truck

and he ground it in gear.

 

Then off through the night

in his Bud truck he went,

and I thought to myself

he didn't charge us a cent!

 

So next time you see

that big truck in the night,

wish him 'Merry Christmas',

and 'a wonderful night'!

 

 

Dave Summers