"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Do-De-Do-De-Do....

Okay, so what the fuck?
Here it is roughly 4 o'clock in the blessed a.m. and I'm sitting in front of this computer tapping out a blog post? Don't expect a spell check or a proof read if by chance you happen to last long enough to readd through the entire post.

Okay, first of all, it's just after four. No clue what I'm doing up at this time in the first place, other than I just woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. I'm sure a nap will be involved later, but who knows? I hate napping on a weekend anyway, as they're too short as it is, and to nap cuts a big slice out of the joy that is the weekend.

Second of all, why am I sitting here writing a post when I could be doing more entertaining shit like surfing pr0n, watching some music video on YouTube, or even staring mindlessly at the teevee? No clue.

Speaking of YouTube, I've been somewhat obsessed by Tesla of late. I never thought all that much of them back in the day - "Big Hair 80's band" and all, but good gawd-a-mighty. This song, or more specifically, the guitar work in this song just makes my jaw drop. The video ain't that awesome, but the music is:



I do enjoy the guitar masters. Fer instance, Joe Satriani:


Steve Vai, who you might recognize as Diamond Dave's lead guitar player:


And the most underrated musician of all time, Tony MacAlpine:


He is equally skilled on the keyboards, but alas. No decent videos of him doing some of his Chopin movements, just this:


Just take my word for it. Maybe even do a google search if you like music and see if there's maybe an MP3 out there you can listen to. But he is awesome on the keyboard too.
So, enough of that. What else do I have to ramble on about?

Okay, here's a brain fart: I was driving to work yesterday and thought of - for some reason - shit flinging monkeys. It must have been some thought I had about democrats or libtards, dunno, but it brought to mind an actual experience I had once upon a time, in a land far, far away. Bear with me here for a moment.

It was back in oh, 1980 or so, and I was a young, single lad not too long out of high school, chasing every female I could find in the small, hick town I lived in. Of course, I pretty much had to go to other hick towns in the area to find more than one or two females to chase, but whatever.
The point is, there was a girl I was dating who ended up moving to "The City" to go to college. Well, a university.
This city was oh, a couple hours' drive, and my friends and I would go up there on a regular basis to see concerts, go skiing, and of course, engage in the persuit of 'companionship'.
Anyway, one weekend, one of my friends and I decided to go up to Salt Lake for ski trip one weekend, and I invited the now former girlfriend and her roomie to go with us. We would make a weekend of it - do some skiing, some nice dinners, and why not? A trip to the zoo.
There is quite a decent zoo in SLC, and the weather was good, so off we went. The four of us.
We eventually ended up in 'Apeland', or whatever the hell it's called, and soon learned why the chipanzee cages are enclosed in glass. The short answer is, they don't - not in the least - like blondes. At least, female blondes. Why? Stick around.

There we were. Me - red on the head like the dick on a dog, my friend - with rather long brunette colored hair, his 'companion' - who also had rather long brunette hair, and my date - who had honey-blonde hair.
We are standing there looking at the chimps being chimps. They're sitting on a branch, picking at their cagemate's heads, scratching their cagemate's fur, their own fur, their asses - uh, oh. She's not scratching her ass. She's taking a shit, and catching it with her hand! (Yes, I know it was a she).

All of a sudden, with the grace of the women's champion softball league pitcher, she deftly does the underhanded wind-up and pitch of the handfull of shit, SPLAT!-ing against the glass with a very loud, resounding SHPRGSHTTT!!!. Now if the glass wouldn't have been there - my date's face would have been the only thing between the handful of shit and the back wall.

Needless to say, after the initial shock wore off, my date was totally mortified. Of course the rest of us were laughing until I thought I was going to puke, but she wanted to get the fuck outta there wid' a quickness.
Which - being the gent I was - we did. Tears in our eyes and all.

Now I've had some rather interesting dinner conversations before, but that evening when we sat down at the table, we could hardly spew our requests to the waiter as we were still busting a gut so hard.

So whenever I hear about some idiot running off at the mouth over something they are totally being stupid about, I think of the "Shit-flinging monkey" we encountered during that fateful trip to the zoo. And I'm here to tell you,it's something better left unencountered.


Okay, I guess that's enough for now. It's 6:00 and Gunsmoke is on. I like my Gunsmoke. So until later, later.

10 comments:

Jean said...

More posts like this!

curmudgeon said...

But I don't want to get up that early!

Mark said...

Jezzus man, you need to get some sleep.

ijcrdzlf!

Jean said...

I've heard as people get older, they don't sleep as much... you must be almost there...:)

curmudgeon said...

Much better today.
And three hour nap yesterday. :)

linda said...

That happened to my sister on a visit with myself and my 2 kids--without the glass! We were standing there completely innocent and suddenly, she had some poop in her hair! We were all doubled over laughing so hard we couldn't talk! Even she was smiling, just alitle, and asking me to help her get it off! I made a feeble attempt but due to the laughing, wasn't much help! We had to find a restroom so she could clean it off. It wasn't a lot but still not something you want to walk around with! We kept bursting out just about everytime we thought about it and I sent her a chimp calendar so she wouldn't forget! Yes, I am sweet!

curmudgeon said...

Good gawd. No glass?
Now THAT would suck.

Lee said...

Dave,

You missed one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzT8C5Dpek4

ggevbbq!

mmmmm BBQ!

curmudgeon said...

Yes, he's definitely good. But really, my very first and probably all-time favorite is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULEBSxP725w

Lee said...

Absolutely!