Happy Turkey Day

Maybe I'm getting soft in my old age, but this was sent to me and I figgered what the fuck. I'll pass it along:

I am thankful:

For the wife
Who says it's hot dogs tonight, because she is home with me, and not out with someone else.

For the husband
Who is on the sofa being a couch potato, because he is home with me and not out at the bars.
For the teenager
Who is complaining about doing dishes because it means she is at home, not on the streets.

For the taxes I pay
Because it means I am employed.

For the mess to clean after a party
Because it means I have been surrounded by friends.

For the clothes that fit a little too snug
Because it means I have enough to eat.
For my shadow that watches me work
Because it means I am out in the sunshine



For a lawn that needs mowing,
Windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home

For all the complaining
I hear about the government because it means we have freedom of speech. .
For the parking spot
I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking and I have been blessed with transportation
For my huge heating bill
Because it means I am warm.

For the lady behind me in church
Who sings off key because it means I can hear.

For the pile of laundry and ironing
Because it means I have clothes to wear.

For weariness and aching muscles
At the end of the day because it means I have been capable of working hard.

For the alarm that goes off
In the early morning hours because it means I am alive.

And finally, for too much e-mail
Because it means I have friends who are thinking of me.

Live well, laugh often, & love with all of your heart!

Always remember….take too many pictures, laugh too much and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Happy thanksgiving to my family and friends.

Now go kill a big bird, eat too much, watch too much football, whatever it is you do, and remember the ones who can't be home with their friends and family when they would most like to be, because that's what they do.

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Spam Subject of the Day

"Explode her mind with pleasure"

Or a 180 grain load.




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Send A Card

Xerox is doing a spiffy little bit for the holidays.

Just go to www.LetsSayThanks.com, pick out a card, put in your name and home town, and you can either select a canned message or make one of your own for the card.

They will print it and send it to someone serving in the armed forces.


Via Vodkapundit

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Those Damn Delinquents

Student arrested for 'passing gas' at Fla. school
Mon Nov 24, 9:31 PM ET

STUART, Fla. - A student at a Florida school has been arrested after authorities said he was "passing gas" and turning off his classmates' computers. According to a report released Friday by the Martin County Sheriff's Office, the 13-year-old boy "continually disrupted his classroom environment" by intentionally breaking wind. He then shut off some computers other students were using.

The Spectrum Junior-Senior High School was arrested Nov. 4.

A school resource officer placed the boy under arrest after he confessed about his behavior, according to the report. He was charged with disruption of school function and released to his mother.

Bwah! Disruption of a school function with a bodily function. Tha's funny.

Sure. Fart all you want. But you shut my computer off, one of us is going down.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"grab your pills"

Oh, come on now. They're bigger than that.



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Ask The Curmudgeon

DEAR CURMUDGEON: I don't want to make my friend "Ryan" mad, but he does something that makes me feel weird. When we go to the mall to hang out, he always wants to go to the big stores. You know those dummies on display wearing clothes? Well, Ryan likes to feel them up! He thinks it's cool to go up to a female dummy and feel her breasts.

When he does it, he giggles. People stare and I have to leave. I told Ryan I don't like it. He says, "Whatever ..."

Ryan is my best friend. Is what he does natural for a 13-year-old? I like looking at real girls on the beach. He says that's boring, and he'd rather feel up the store dummies. What's up with that? What should I do? -- BILLY IN GALVESTON

Well, Billy. You should take a clue and join in.
There's nothing wrong getting a little feel now and then. At least feeling up dummies instead of real girls won't get you slapped.
Oh sure, you may get cuffed and hauled out by the mall cops, but all you have to do then is point out that they are doing the same shit after hours when all the stores are closed. They'll understand.
Who knows? You may even get lucky and one of them will let you take their own special dummy home. You know, the one they have tucked away back there in the storage room.




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Here's Yer Sign

Nude pics in phone lost at McDonald's get online
FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. – Here's some food for thought: If you have nude photos of your wife on your cell phone, hang onto it.

Phillip Sherman of Arkansas learned that lesson after he left his phone behind at a McDonald's restaurant and the photos ended up online. Now he and his wife, Tina, are suing the McDonald's Corp., the franchise owner and the store manager.

The suit was filed Friday and seeks a jury trial and $3 million in damages for suffering, embarrassment and the cost of having to move to a new home.

The suit says that Phillip Sherman left the phone the Fayetteville store in July and that employees promised to secure it until he returned.

Manager Aaron Brummley declined to comment, and other company officials didn't return messages.

Three million bucks??? Are you fucking crazy???
Just because you're idiots don't mean you are entitled to compensation. Especially, that much.

Here's a thought. Keep your fucking phone off and in your pocket or purse when you're in a public place like that.

Good gawd-a-mighty.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"The only formula for men that works"

What is it, alcohol?



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During These Tough Times...

GM Downsizing Jet Fleet, CEO Still Flies High

Company Reducing Number of Jets, But Top Execs Keep Perk

By JOSEPH RHEE and MADDY SAUER

Nov. 21, 2008—

General Motors said today that it is putting two of its five corporate jets out of service because the planes are not being used enough. The top three executives at GM, however, will continue to use the private luxurious jets for all of their business and personal travel, despite a flurry of criticism over the perk following an ABC News report this week.
[...]

...I'm glad to see they're making some sacrifices for the good of the company, while they're begging for financial assistance.

Fuck 'em. Let them be like any other business and fail. Then we can all buy chinese made replacement parts for our cars, and they'll be tons cheaper than dealer prices.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"The ultimate male package"

Cool! What is it, a six-pack and a blow job?



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W.T.F?

Has it really come down to this? Are people really that hard up that they need these sort of tools?

Good gawd-a-mighty.



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A Funny

Via email:

Just think ...
If the Indians had given the Pilgrim fathers a donkey instead of a turkey, we would all be having a piece of ass this Thanksgiving!

Yeah, I know. Ugh.

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FLASH!

Man nabbed after hitting girlfriend with sandwich
Tue Nov 18, 9:01 PM ET

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. - A man faces a domestic battery charge after allegedly hitting his girlfriend with a sandwich as she was driving on Interstate 95 on Friday. Police said the 19-year-old man became angry and hit the woman in the arm and face with a sandwich, knocking her glasses off.
[...]

Okay then. We have murderers, rapists, robbers, junkies, pushers, ... you name it running around causing all sorts of grief in the world today, and this fucking story makes the headlines?

Jeebus Kreebus.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"The secret to making her come"

I'm more interested in the one to make her go.



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Funny

Before Marriage:

Him: Ah...At last. I can hardly wait!
Her: Do you want me to leave?
Him: NO! Don't even think about it.
Her: Do you love me?
Him: Of course! Always have, always will.
Her: Have you ever cheated on me?
Him: NO! Why are you even asking?
Her: Will you kiss me?
Him: Every chance I get!
Her: Will you hit me?
Him: Hell no! Are you crazy?!
Her: Can I trust you?
Him: Yes.
Her: Darling!

After marriage:

Start at the bottom and read up.

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Hmmm

Good picture:





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Spam Subject of the Day

"Your super mega beast will grow like on yeast."

Somehow, the word 'yeast' just doesn't belong here.



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Me Scalpum Asshole, Kemo Sabe

Driver sentenced for throwing axe at motorist
Mon Nov 17, 4:14 PM ET

LINCOLN, Neb. - A driver who threw an axe at another motorist, wounding him, has been sentenced to 37 days in jail. The man, 51, was sentenced Friday in Lancaster County Court for third-degree assault and criminal mischief after pleading no contest to the charges.
[...]

Oh, the visuals just crack me the hell up.

Looks like it's time to restrict axes like guns are. He wouldn't have been able to do such an evil deed.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Playing a big instrument brings bigger pleasure to women."

Well, I do have a stand-up bass and a set of drums. She does like it when I play them.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Make your friends envious"

Nah, not into that.



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Now That I Think About It...

...things may just shape up around these here United States of America.
Maybe we've been going about it all wrong here. Maybe we should just sit back and let dykes marry dykes. Just allow cocksuckers to marry cocksuckers too. No reason to stop abortions either. Let us not hinder this generation from libtarding themselves into nirvana. We keep this up long enough, and by the next generation there will be no democrats.




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Fucking Shit

Hillary Clinton emerges as State dept candidate
Fri Nov 14, 5:44 AM ET

CHICAGO (Reuters) - Sen. Hillary Clinton emerged on Thursday as a candidate to be U.S. secretary of state for Barack Obama, months after he defeated her in an intense contest for the Democratic presidential nomination.
[...]

Sure, since obamm-bamm whooped her ass, he may throw the ole' bitch a bone.
Frankly, I can't see her settling for second, third or fourth best. But if she does, FUCK ME!!! WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!

Good gawd.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Get Your Bailout. It's Your Turn."

But he's not even in the white house yet (?).



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Find a perfect Russian wife."

No thanks. One is more than enough.



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The Shit Already Starts

So Obamm-bamm isn't even in office yet and minions have already started stabbing him in the back:

BUSH ANGER: OBAMA AIDES LEAK CHAT DETAILS

They already can't keep their fucking mouths shut. Which, if you think about it, looks pretty god for the rest of the country.
Inside sources doncha know.



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Drool

So I went to see this guy...:




...Monday night at The House Of Blues. Those of you who recognize him know what an awesome musician he is. Those of you who don't recognize him wouldn't care anyway.

Mark was supposed to go with me, but the last I saw of him he was headed to find find a pisser. Never saw him the rest of the night.

It was a most awesome show. He played many of his old hits like "Surfing With The Alien", "Ice 9", "Always with Me, Always with You", "Satch Boogie", my all time favorite of his "Flying In A Blue Dream", as well as several songs from his new album which sounded quite good. If you get the chance and you're into that sort of axe slingin', he is definitely worth seeing.



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Quote of the Day

"You're about as useful as a snooze button on a smoke alarm" - BBC TV

Snagged from one of The Old Man's blogs.

Welcome to my blogroll! :)


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Spam Subject of the Day

"No sale items at this time, choose another one"

Fat lotta good you assholes are.




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Of Course

Obama asked Bush for help for auto industry

1 hour, 46 minutes ago

CHICAGO (Reuters) - U.S. President-elect Barack Obama urged President George W. Bush to pass a second stimulus package to help the U.S. economy and asked him to use existing bailout measures to help the ailing auto industry, an aide said on Tuesday.
[...]

Fuck the auto industry. Hey, it's a free market system out there and if you can't compete, you lose.

At just what point does the bailout bullshit going to end? How many failed corporations are going to be partially government owned and supported by OUR tax money before we say "Fuck 'Em"?

Fucking socialism.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Obama faces impeachment"

Don't get my hopes up.



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From 52 To 48

Dear 52:

Fuck you, fuck off and get fucked. And oh yeah, go fuck yourself.

Gawddamn granola munching, tree hugging, dope smoking libtard suzabitches.


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Exit Amnesty

So as is typical presidential conduct, I'm sure Dubya will grant amnesty to all sorts of fuck-ups on his way out of office. I think we may need to start an "Exit Amnesty Pool". What do you think? Who is he going to grant amnesty - or even prosecution immunization - to first?




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This Is A Hoot

Obama Names Several Cabinet Selections

Newly elected United States President Barack Obama named several cabinet selections today.

The nominees will need senate approval before taking office, but this should be no problem as the Senate has a Democratic Party majority.

Among those tapped for offices, along with comments by the new President, are:

Housing Secretary: Ernie Keebler. "I like this little guy. He's also going to be the only cracker in my cabinet. Since he lives in a hollow tree, he should be able to help lots of homeless folks with creative housing ideas."

Labor Secretary: Reverend Al Sharpton. "He's never done a day's worth of labor in his life, so it's about time he earns his keep."

Secretary of Agriculture: Oprah Winfrey. "She helped buy me my office, and since she knows so much about mad cow disease..."

Education Secretary: Snoop Dog ("or whatever name he be usin' these days"). "He's probably going to try to change the official language of this country to ebonics, but what the shizzle?"

Secretary of the Interior: Reverend Jesse Jackson. "This pasty faced brother obviously likes being inside, cuz he looks like he needs some sun. We'll keep him indoors."

Secretary of Defense: Charles Barkley. "Where else do you put the round mound of rebound?"

Secretary of State: Aretha Franklin. "...and you boys better show her some R-E-S-P-E-C-T!"

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CHANGE!!!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know you're thinking 'Enough already!!!' But go read this letter to the editor, and just contemplate on it for a spell:

Beware Charismatic Men Who Preach 'Change'

Editor, Times-Dispatch:
Each year I get to celebrate Independence Day twice. On June 30 I celebrate my independence day and on July 4 I celebrate America's. This year is special, because it marks the 40th anniversary of my independence.

On June 30, 1968, I escaped Communist Cuba and a few months later I was in the United States to stay. That I happened to arrive in Richmond on Thanksgiving Day is just part of the story, but I digress.

I've thought a lot about the anniversary this year. The election-year rhetoric has made me think a lot about Cuba and what transpired there. In the late 1950s, most Cubans thought Cuba needed a change, and they were right. So when a young leader came along, every Cuban was at least receptive.

When the young leader spoke eloquently and passionately and denounced the old system, the press fell in love with him. They never questioned who his friends were or what he really believed in. When he said he would help the farmers and the poor and bring free medical care and education to all, everyone followed. When he said he would bring justice and equality to all, everyone said "Praise the Lord." And when the young leader said, "I will be for change and I'll bring you change," everyone yelled, "Viva Fidel!"

But nobody asked about the change, so by the time the executioner's guns went silent the people's guns had been taken away. By the time everyone was equal, they were equally poor, hungry, and oppressed. By the time everyone received their free education it was worth nothing. By the time the press noticed, it was too late, because they were now working for him. By the time the change was finally implemented Cuba had been knocked down a couple of notches to Third-World status. By the time the change was over more than a million people had taken to boats, rafts, and inner tubes. You can call those who made it ashore anywhere else in the world the most fortunate Cubans. And now I'm back to the beginning of my story.

Luckily, we would never fall in America for a young leader who promised change without asking, what change? How will you carry it out? What will it cost America?

Would we?

Manuel Alvarez Jr. Sandy Hook.

I don't know what the folks who voted for this fucker were thinking, but socialism would definitely be change.



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Farewell

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Spam Subject of the Day

" Meet and marry a gorgeous Russian queen."

Sorry, I'm not into faggotry.



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What A Pile Of Shit

So as you may have noticed, I've been off the air for a few days.

Nothing major, I've been working on a project at my job and the final phase of the project was installing it in another state. So I left town Tuesday morning, did what needed doin', and got back today.

I purposefully DID NOT watch the play by play of the bullshit election coverage on any of the many, ... many, ... many teevee stations, as I figured I would find out soon enough who the victor was. And sure as shit, my worst electoral fears were realized the next morning when I turned the teevee on in in my motel room and the default channel being Communist News Network was already talking about 'Raising A Family in the White House'. Then I knew, well, McCain's kids - they's all growed up, so it obviously wasn't him.
It just it hard to fathom that so many people would vote for the guy. They obviously listen to the commercials or the lefty rhetoric rather than do their own research.

He did get one issue fixed so far though, that of the housing shortage. At least for himself and his family. They'll get their housing free for the next four years.

(You really must click this picture to enlarge it before you can really appreciate it.)

"What's Different"

A couple observations I made while traveling though...
You're probably familiar with the trendy new sweatpants girls wear nowdays. You know, the ones that have something like 'Pink' or 'Diva' printed on the ass? Sure, a girl with a nice little butt having a small word printed on the posterior side of her sweat pants is noteworthy. How do I know this? Well yes, I like to look at those things.
But listen. If your ass is large enough to have "YELLOWSTONE" printed across it with plenty of room left on both sides, you may want to start reconsidering how much of what you shove down your throat throughout the day.

If you take a window seat only to have a place to lean while you take a fucking nap, you're an asshole. I like window seats so I can look at what's down there. If all you do is read a magazine or nap, there had better be could cover thick enough that there is nothing to see down there, otherwise, you're a fuckhead.

If you live in (where I went), you may want to talk to whoever owns the airport and ask them if you can open up a concessions stand of some sort. Doesn't have to be anything major, but at 6:00 in the morning, when it's cold and windy outside, some people consider a steaming hot cup of coffee to be - well, more than nice. Some even consider it a necessity.

Oh, and one more from the "We're Fucked" files:



Sad, sad state of affairs.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Last all night"

Well, the Halloween party was Saturday night,and I lasted until about 2.



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