I'm Confused. Again.

Venezuelan Government To Launch International 9/11 Investigation:

Truth crusaders Walter and Rodriguez to appear on Hugo Chavez's weekly TV broadcast

Paul Joseph Watson & Alex Jones/Prison Planet.com | March 31 2006

Billionaire philanthropist Jimmy Walter and WTC survivor William Rodriguez this week embarked on a groundbreaking trip to Caracas Venezuela in which they met with with the President of the Assembly and will soon meet with Venezuelan President himself Hugo Chavez in anticipation of an official Venezuelan government investigation into 9/11.
[...]

What the hell is with this Chavez guy? Pat Robertson, Cindy Sheehan, and now these clowns? Someone explain to me what is so fascinating about this fuck that so many idiot Americans are so enamoured by him?
And - why do they really expect Vene-gawddam-zuela is going do so a bang-up job?

Maybe someone can go ask Kim Jong Il where Osama is.

Dirty Bomb

Pentagon to Test a Huge Conventional Bomb:

By Ann Scott Tyson
Washington Post Staff Writer
Friday, March 31, 2006; Page A09

A huge mushroom cloud of dust is expected to rise over Nevada's desert in June when the Pentagon plans to detonate a gigantic 700-ton explosive -- the biggest open-air chemical blast ever at the Nevada Test Site -- as part of the research into developing weapons that can destroy deeply buried military targets, officials said yesterday.
[...]

Hmm. I hope they don't kick up all that radioactive dirt from prior nuke testing out there.
Oh, wait a minute:

"Given the level of contamination in areas where nuclear tests were conducted, I have real concerns about the dust and other pollutants that will be released into the air as a result of this explosion," said U.S. Rep. Shelley Berkley"

Except that the nukes they tested were like, half a mile underground and nowhere near the surface.

Spam Subject of the Day

"brimstone appoint apace plutarch"

Oh really?

Apples - Apples

I'm sure you've seen the statue supposedly modeled after prego Britney Spears:

All I could think of was this picture:

Fuck The A.C.L.U. - Again.

American Communist Liberals Unfettered

Rachael asked me in a comment:

"... what the hell is your problem with the ACLU? Civil Liberties - yuk?"

My problem with the ACLU is they've gotten too big for their britches. They're only in business for themselves now.

Just like unions, they started out being a good thing. Now they've basically become their own tax exempt, liability exempt corporation, trying to invent suits where they can "save" the little people, so they can stay in business.

I'm all for the rights of American citizens. But the ACLU has gone beyond that. They're not 'Free speech' any more than Ted Kennedy is pro-temperance.

Take this little ditty for instance:

ACLU set to appeal 'Choose Life' tags

[...]
"The tags, supported by the Tennessee Right to Life organization, have been on hold since the legislature approved them three years ago because of the legal challenge by ACLU and Planned Parenthood of Middle and East Tennessee."
[...]

Are they not trying to quell pro-lifers freedom to express themselves? We can't offend anyone Pro Choice, now can we?

The way I see it, either group has a right to put whatever license plates on their car they choose (no pun intended), without the Asshole Communist Losers Union getting involved.

Oh, and speaking of rights:

FISA judges say Bush within law

By Brian DeBose
THE WASHINGTON TIMES
March 29, 2006

A panel of former Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court judges yesterday told members of the Senate Judiciary Committee that President Bush did not act illegally when he created by executive order a wiretapping program conducted by the National Security Agency (NSA).

The five judges testifying before the committee said they could not speak specifically to the NSA listening program without being briefed on it, but that a Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act does not override the president's constitutional authority to spy on suspected international agents under executive order.
"If a court refuses a FISA application and there is not sufficient time for the president to go to the court of review, the president can under executive order act unilaterally, which he is doing now," said Judge Allan Kornblum, magistrate judge of the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of Florida and an author of the 1978 FISA Act. "I think that the president would be remiss exercising his constitutional authority by giving all of that power over to a statute."

The judges, however, said Mr. Bush's choice to ignore established law regarding foreign intelligence gathering was made "at his own peril," because ultimately he will have to answer to Congress and the Supreme Court if the surveillance was found not to be in the best interests of national security.
[...]

[my emphasis]
Which, no one has yet to find.

Hey. In case you only watch the three major network news stations, we are at war.
We have a bunch of people living, fighting and dying in a foreign country, because there are a bunch of fucked-up people who believe that since we don't worship the same god, abide by the same antiquated rules, and believe in 'Democracy, Whiskey, Sexy!', we should die. Simple as that. The only good infidel is a dead infidel.

Again I say, better there than over here.

Only In America

I've ranted on this illegal immigration bullshit before, as have most other bloggers. I'm not going to bother looking up links though, except for this one, because it's easy to find.

Again I say, I don't blame someone from another country wanting to come to America to find a better life for themselves and their family. It's a fact that people can sneak across the border and make more money than what they can in Mexico. They're perfectly willing to come here and do a job that a lot of people here would rather not do.

What I have a problem with is that once they come to the land of opportunity, they receive - nay, expect these opportunities and yet don't have to put back into the system providing them.
A lot of the money they earn gets sent back to Mexico to either support families there, or put away so they can go back there and live, so it doesn't go back into the economy here.
Much of the money they earn isn't taxed, so we make up the difference.
They obviously can't get insurance so if/when they go to the hospital, again, we make up the difference.
They don't pay property tax and their children go to school, we make up the difference. Gee, do you think that if we reduced the number of illegal immigrant students there may be more schools, teachers and classrooms to go around? Maybe we could have fewer requirements for bi-lingual teachers. Maybe there could be more teachers for subjects other than "English as a Second Language".

And where the fuck do they come off with this protest bullshit? What other country in the world would let you sneak in, take advantage of the system and it's benefits, stomp around in protest waving a flag from your home country, bitch about not being treated fairly - without deporting you or throwing you in jail, if not shooting you?
Sorry, can't think of another country myself.

Let's not forget about the security issues of this scenario. Some Allah wailing crazy fuck could join in the exodus any time and we wouldn't know about it until we're all laying in the hospital with our hair and skin falling off.

I say build the gawddamn wall. The higher, the better. Post guars. Shoot on sight.
We need to get this shit under control.

The sad part is, that I'm sure ACLU has stacks of briefcases just raring to go, wringing their hands and snickering to themselves waiting to jump all in Bush's shit when he gets back from visiting with Fox in Cancun.


Update: Okay you fuckheads. Now you've really pissed me off:

You don't like America? Fucking leave.

Spam Subject of the Day

"it's genuine cotta"

It better be. I'll have none of that fake cotta.

Search Phrases From The Dark Side

Today, someone stumbled into my humble abode using this phrase to find me:

"smelly fart blogs"

Oh, Excuse Me.

Fuck The A.C.L.U

I found it rather interesting that these two articles were right next to each other:

ACLU: Iraq Prison Photos to Be Released
AP - Tue Mar 28, 10:45 PM ET

NEW YORK - The federal government has agreed to release disputed pictures showing American soldiers tormenting Iraqi detainees at Abu Ghraib prison, the American Civil Liberties Union said Tuesday.

More Human Remains Found Near WTC Site
AP - Tue Mar 28, 10:36 PM ET

NEW YORK - Construction workers cleaning toxic waste from a vacant skyscraper near the World Trade Center site have found more bone fragments and human remains, officials said Tuesday.

Yeah, remember that little incident a few years back? The one on September 11th?
I don't think the A.C.L.U. does.

Shamu

I'm an idiot. It's official.

Usually, when I see a stray dog wandering the neighborhood, I ignore it. Make sure Mrs. Curmudgeon don't see it, and if our dogs are out front, I shuffle them out of sight so the critter won't come over and say "Hi."

So Sunday, I'm doing my usual putter around the workshop working on projects, with our two dogs (white german shepherd named Heidi, and shepherd/akita mix nameb Buddy) keeping me company.
A stray I didn't see in time wanders up. He's a rather young german shepherd / rottweiler mix, and is all excited about meeting my dogs. He's full of piss and vinegar and wanting to play, but also very friendly when I approach him.

I try to get my dogs to go in the house, try to make him leave, but he'll have no part of that. It's too late. He now has no desire whatsoever to leave. I put a leash on him so I can somewhat maintain the bundle of energy, and also keep him away from bitchy-girl Heidi, who is not so friendly toward strangers.

Now it's time for my big mistake. I say to Mrs. Curmudgeon "Come here." She's a softy when it comes to strays and will ALWAYS take them in and try to find their owners, or find them a home.

We decide to take a walk around the neighborhood looking for 'Lost Dog' signs, open gates, broken chains, etc. No luck. So we put up a sign, and keep a vigil for people who may drive by looking for a lost pet.

Later on in the afternoon and I suggest rather strongly that we call animal control to come and pick him up as it is now getting rather late in the day. Of course, Mrs. Curmudgeon will have nothing to do with that. I tell her that the owner is probably worried, looking for their lost pet, and the first place I would call if my pet got lost would be animal control to see if they had found it. "Nope. No way. We'll find his owner, or find another home. Put an ad in the paper, something."

We keep it overnight, and when Monday comes, we take it to Petsmart to see if it has an ID chip. It does! We're in luck! We can find out who the owner is and they can take the critter back! No problem. They'll be so happy to get him back. After all he is a good dog. Well mannered for his age, fully potty trained, healthy and clean.
We call the 800 number for the ID chip and they tell us it usually takes a day or two to trace the information. So we also call the animal shelter to see if they have the number on file. Tuesday, we get a call from the animal shelter, and they do have a record for the ID! Yay!!! More luck! We'll have the dog home tonight!

Nope.
I call the owner (fucking towelhead) and he says this is the third time the dog has busted loose and he doesn't want it back. Have animal control pick it up. And would I like to buy a Slurpee. (I added that part).
Mrs. Curmudgeon ain't going to let that happen, she's afraid no one will take it and they'll just put it to sleep. So I guess we're on the hunt for a good home for a good dog, which - when he is laying on his side, has dark and light patterns just like an orca.

Want one?

Spam Subject of the Day

"qopen ddo ithundery"

Yes. ithundery.

It Was Only A Matter Of Time

United Press International - NewsTrack - Gas tax on miles, not gallons, tested:

PORTLAND, Ore., March 25 (UPI) -- Oregon is testing the idea of collecting highway funds through a tax on miles driven, rather than gasoline consumed.

Eighty percent of Oregon's highway money comes from its 24-cents-per-gallon gas tax. If the state promotes reducing gasoline consumption and consumers tend to buy the fuel-efficient vehicles, including hybrids, highway revenues would take a hit, The New York Times reported.

The test program uses a global positioning system to track miles driven, using a black box to calculate how many miles are clocked in-state, out of state and during rush hour.

The experiment is designed to increase state revenue for road maintenance without raising gasoline taxes, but critics say collecting GPS records poses new privacy issues.

'The existence of such a database, which would, for the first time in history, allow for the creation of detailed daily itineraries of every driver, raises obvious privacy concerns,' said David L. Sobel, general counsel at the Electronic Privacy Information Center, a civil liberties group in Washington.

The government is going to get tax money one way or the other.
You didn't honestly think conservation would save you money, did you? Well, did you?

Holy Cow!

iWon News - Eclipse Tomorrow Will Blot Out the Sun:

[...]
One Indian paper advised pregnant women not to go outside during the eclipse to avoid having a blind baby or one with a cleft lip. Food cooked before the eclipse should be thrown out afterward because it will be impure and those who are holding a knife or ax during the eclipse will cut themselves, the Hindustan Times added.

These are people who many companies entrust with their customer service and technical support.
Uh, yeah. I'm just brimming with confidence now.

Overwhelming Concern

KLASTV.com - High School Students Walk Out of Class in Protest:
March 28, 2006, 09:23 AM

Students are several schools around the valley are walking out of their schools in protest. Some students at Western, Canyon Springs, Vo-Tech and Eldorado High Schools are boycotting early classes to show support for immigration reform protests in other states.

Yeah, right. I'm sure they're real concerned about immigration. They probably had a test to take or something.
We would have walked out if the school served peas instead of carrots for school lunch. Even if we never ate either one.

This Day in History Three Mile Island

Anyone remember this one? I do.

From HistoryChannel.com :
NUCLEAR ACCIDENT AT THREE MILE ISLAND
March 28, 1979

At 4 a.m. on March 28, 1979, the worst accident in the history of the U.S. nuclear power industry begins when a pressure valve in the Unit-2 reactor at Three Mile Island fails to close. Cooling water, contaminated with radiation, drained from the open valve into adjoining buildings, and the core began to dangerously overheat.
[...]

In the more than two decades since the accident at Three Mile Island, not a single new nuclear power plant has been ordered in the United States.

And we're still trying to figure out what to do with the leftovers...

Spam Subject of the Day

"Boyd, a coprinus"

You sure about that?

Six Shooter Ranch

I just read post over at Six Shooter Ranch:

...For You Are the Fairest Of This Land and I Will Fight For Your Honor...With Your Permission Of Course"

"Would you fight to defend my honor?"
"Uh..." My mind wanders back about, oh, a month and a half - early December.
[...]

Lesson learned: Honor is only worth fighting for when you know you can win

Go read the whole thing. Entertaining writer.
I will add it to the blogroll if the G.D. thing will ever start working again.

A Funny

Spam Subject of the Day

"skinny-dipping tepid"

Better than ice water.

Yeah. What She Said.

Sgt. Mom over at The Daily Brief went a wrote a jewel of an essay on - well, reality.
I think it's too good to just link to. I would rather you just go ahead and read it without having to pull up another window.

And if I could ever get past the spam filter, I would thank her for this gem:

Deaquisition of Illusion.

Well, if we read the polls right, in the light of the port-management imbroglio, it may indicate that there is a sort of sub-rosa, grass-movements, silent-majority distrust of… well, international Islam. Surprise, surprise, surprise. This comes as a matter of slack-jawed amazement or grave concern to parties as various as the Zogby polls, CAIR, and our local congress-critters on both sides of the aisle. The rote insistence on Islam being a Religion of Peace is wearing very thin, in the face of so much evidence to the contrary… evidence that bulks large despite all the heroic efforts of Hollywood, an assortment of well-meaning civic associations, the intellectual strongholds, and last and not least, that final bastion of telling truth to power, those major news establishments.

Whoo-hoo! We must have all been brainwashed by the powers of the major media, at the express bidding of the eeeeeevviiiil Bush administration.
Yes, that would be the major media who have no trouble “disappearing” all those pictures of people jumping from the Twin Towers, tying up the 2004 presidential race in a pretty pink bow and handing it to a favored candidate, and making a mockery of every brave pledge of a free press and all the news that’s fit to print, unless it’s mockeries of Mohammad. The lords and grandees of our established press are powerless to banish uncomfortable suspicions amongst the proletariat, who have latched on to the very infra dig notion that the forces of militant Islam— which might possibly incorporate quite a lot more than the tiny percentage which is always being presented to us as being that which has committed the outrage du jour— presents to us a real and present danger. Despite our marching orders from our betters, we persist in our peasant conviction that the Religion of Peace is something other than advertised. This knowledge is the elephant in the room. Not looking at it’s wide flappy ears, long ropelike tail, and tree-trunk legs and all the rest of it, will not make it go away. The elephant is in the room, and has crapped copiously all over the carpet. Some politicians and pollsters, whose livelihood depends on accurately sensing certain aromas on the breeze are reacting already— an otherwise competent, well-thought of, and efficient port-management concern may have caught it in the neck because of this conviction. Interested and easily offended parties like CAIR are frantically applying the metaphorical room freshener, with less and less effect. It’s all gotten very, very stale, and I suspect that a lot of us are very, very tired of it all.

We are tired, and wearied to death of it all, and the Affair of the Danish Cartoons was the final straw. Or perhaps a sentence of death for apostasy for a Christian Afghan convert is the penultimate final straw… unless there is one absolutely final, ultimately ultimate straw, a Religion of Peace inspired outrage which I desperately hope will not involve a mushroom-shaped cloud over Tel Aviv, or some European or American city.

Whatever the Islamic outrage du jour is, we are tired of it. We are tired of easily-set off mobs, burning and murdering, of hatred preached in mosques and middle-eastern newspapers, of vile insults and lies, of beheadings and bombs, of bullying and threats, of rapes and mutilations and the oppression of women, and the usual slickly-suited creatures oozing justifications for it on the TV and radio afterwards. We are tired of the same old whine about persecution by the same creatures whose co-religionists practice persecution with vigor and keen enjoyment. We are tired to exhaustion of the Islamic worlds’ tattered woobie of the Palestinian people, taken out and shaken about whenever interest flags—never mind that the so-called Palestinian people seem to have suffered more at the hands of their so-called friends than they have gotten from their ostensible enemy. (If we need an example for strategic stupidity, counter-productive behavior and bad choice of friends in the face of misfortune and adversity, the Palestinian State must be Exhibit A through Exhibit-X whatever. But that is material for another rant, another day.) We are tired of being told we have to understand, to respect and to tolerate… and yet to see that that understanding, respect and toleration is not reciprocated in any meaningful way, in most of those places where Islam meets the other.

We are tired of being hectored about getting to know the Koran, and the Islamic street; especially since the more we get to know it, the more we dislike it, all of its works and ways; prejudices, ignorance and barbarities on full display, courtesy of the unfiltered blog media.
We are just tired, tired of being tolerant and calm and understanding and enduring. We want to think the best of people, truly we do— but there is a limit, and someday — probably terrifingly soon– it will be reached. I hope, personally, that it will not be tomorrow or the day after, when the last patient nerve is shredded into microscopic threads, and the limit has been reached. If and when that happens, the going will get really, really ugly.

Note to the Islamic world; please, please do not step on that last un-shredded nerve. Just, please. Don’t. It won’t be worth it. Trust me on this. Just don’t.

Yeah, maybe we need to be more lefty sympathetic to their religion and views. Hell, they're people too, right? Even if they're a little 'different'?
Our distrust of 'the port deal' just proves how much we actually trust towelheads*. No matter where they come from.



*By towelhead, I do of course mean person.
Nutso, misled, maniacal, idiotic, fanatical, crazed, moronic, stupid, human rights abusive person, but a person nevertheless.

Hmm.

Slain Tenn. Minister's Wife to Be Charged:

By WOODY BAIRD, Associated Press Writer 10 minutes ago

SELMER, Tenn. - Tennessee authorities said they would charge a minister's wife with first-degree murder Friday, two days after he was found shot to death in a bedroom of the church parsonage.

She probably caught him fucking a deacon.

Yeah, Sure

Calif. City to Enforce Immigration Law:

By GILLIAN FLACCUS, Associated Press Writer
Fri Mar 24, 7:13 AM ET

COSTA MESA, Calif. - A new city policy that would give police the authority to enforce federal immigration law is hurting local businesses even though it has yet to be implemented, merchants say."

I'll believe that when I see it.

I'm Confused

Moussaoui could have led to 9/11 attackers: FBI:

By Deborah Charles Thu Mar 23, 10:12 PM ET

ALEXANDRIA, Virginia (Reuters) - If Zacarias Moussaoui had told authorities in August 2001 a hijacking plot was brewing in the United States, the FBI could have found records leading them to 11 of the September 11 attackers, a former FBI official said on Thursday.

So why haven't we shot this fucker for treason yet?

I Chuckled

I guess this sorta symbolizes my political stance:

Stolen from ANTI-DHIMMI.

"Islam is the number one enemy not only of Europe, but of the entire free world."

Exactly.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Between rivulet but counterintuitive"

Exactly.

Quote Of The Day

Someone handed me a sign to post on my cube wall:

"Please don't tell my mother I'm a programmer.
She thinks I play piano at the local bordello."

Now That All Of The World's Other Problems Have Been Solved

St. Paul City Office Boots Easter Bunny:
2 hours, 18 minutes ago

ST. PAUL, Minn. - The Easter Bunny has been sent packing at St. Paul City Hall.

A toy rabbit, pastel-colored eggs and a sign with the words 'Happy Easter' were removed from the lobby of the City Council offices, because of concerns they might offend non-Christians.

Here we fucking go again. If it ain't Christmas, it's something else.
We can't be offending anyone now, can we?

But what cracks me up about this the most, is what does a rabbit, colored eggs and sweets have to do with Easter in the first place? I know, I know. Symbolism blah blah blah, whatever.

The religious correlation has been gone for years.

A Funny

Text here.

A married couple is lying in bed one night. The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book.
As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special area. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book.
The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement she gets up and starts stripping in front of him.
The husband is confused and asks, "Why are you taking off your clothes?"
His wife replies, "You were rubbing me downtown. I thought it was foreplay."
The husband says, "No, not at all."
His wife asks angrily, "Well, what the hell were you doing then?
The husband says," I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book".

Spam Subject of the Day

"abpmocy"

Uh, don't understand.

The Awards Are Have Been Given

PETAards

When you have about 10 minutes to spare, go take a look at this 'documentary'.

From The 'Duh' Files - Again

N.Y., Calif. Air Is Dirtiest, EPA Says:

Wed Mar 22, 7:20 AM ET

LOS ANGELES - New Yorkers and Californians breathe the dirtiest air in the nation and face higher cancer risks than the rest of the nation, according to the latest data from the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency.

New Yorkers' risk of developing cancer from air toxins is estimated to be 68 residents per million. In California, the risk is 66 residents per million.

So why hasn't New York banned tobacco smoking too then? Obviously, second hand smoke is what's causing the cancer.

This Day in History - Louis L'Amour

From: HistoryChannel.com:

1908 Louis L'Amour born

Louis L'Amour, the prolific author of scores of bestselling western novels, is born in Jamestown, North Dakota.
[...]

I read his books regularly.
I've probably read only about 30 of his 100+ though. There's some catching up to do.

Strange

Via email, I get this link: Magic Square

Okay, the sonuvabitch guessed right 10 out of ten when I did it.
Let me know how it did for you.


Thx Jean. :)

Quote Of The Day

I know. It's an oldie. But I still laughed:

"Some days, it's not even worth chewing through the restraints"

Spam Subject of the Day

"or deputy anastomosis"

Did he work for Matthew Dillon in Dodge?

I Should Hope So

Nevada Trooper Charged With Manslaughter

Mon Mar 20, 11:04 PM ET

LAS VEGAS - A state trooper was charged Monday with nine felony counts of reckless driving and involuntary manslaughter in a crash that killed four people.

Trooper Joshua Corcran was driving 113 mph on Interstate 15 when his cruiser slammed into a car on Feb. 19 as he rushed home for dinner, police said. The posted speed limit was 65 mph.

Corcran's lawyer, Steve Wolfson, said his client would appear in court Tuesday to answer the charges.

'His career is at stake. His livelihood is at stake,' Wolfson said. 'Of course he is disappointed.'
[...]

Disappointed? Disa-fucking-pointed?
He's disappointed. What about the family a friends of the four dead people? One survivor is a pregnant mother. Her baby's daddy is dead. I think she may be a little disappointed too.

He had to rush home so he could have dinner and finish an on-line history test. And because of him thinking he could get away with it, four people are dead.

The highway patrol did a good thing by having an independant investigation by an entity other than themselves.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Rena yourselves"

No thanks. I'd rather not.

A Funny

I dun stol't this from delftsman:

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'

So he tied her up and went golfing.

Yet Another Moron Entertainer

From NewsBusters.org:

Belzer Proclaims He Knows Better About Iraq than Uneducated Soldiers in Iraq

When Congresswoman Ileanna Ros-Lehtinen contended Friday night, on HBO's Real Time with Bill Maher, that servicemen she's met in Iraq are “saying 'we're proud of our mission, we know what we're doing over here. We don't want you guys in Washington to lose it over there,'” actor/comedian Richard Belzer condescendingly fired back, claiming that to “ask them” is “bullshit” since, apparently unlike him, “they don't read twenty newspapers a day.”

Uh, yeah. What a fucking idiot. Stick to acting there Dick.

He's an expert because he reads more newspapers than the soldiers do? The soldiers are there with the people actually involved.
I'm sorry, but there is no substitute for experience. No matter what field you're in. The average med student reads more medical literature in a year's time than the average doctor does. Does that mean they're better doctors because they read more?
Fucking idiot.

Just A Suggestion

But if you're in one of these:

And you are being chased by one of these:

You may not want to shoot at it:

Just sayin'.

I Need Some Help Here

I'm trying to make up my mind, but I just can't decide.

Which is the bigger waste of money, tattoos or body piercings?
I'm not talking about a simple ear piercing or two, I'm okay with that.
I'm talking about one or several in your nose, lip, tit, dick, bellybutton, ...

Stupid.

Fucking Morons

Calif. City Bans Smoking in Public Places:

CALABASAS, Calif. - No more smoking in the park. Lighting up on the sidewalk could bring a fine. Dining on the restaurant patio? Don't bother asking for matches.

One of the strictest tobacco bans in the nation went into effect in the Los Angeles suburb of Calabasas last week, making smoking off limits in public places where someone else might be exposed to secondhand smoke: indoor businesses, outdoor businesses, parks, outdoor cafes, even apartment building common areas.
[...]

I've harped on the shit so long I'm getting tired of it.
Once again, self righteous assholes call upon the government to 'protect' them from the evils of thier fellow human beings.
There has been no documented proof yet that second hand tobacco smoke is dangerous. There has been plenty of assumption and generalization, but no real studies have been performed.
Now I'll be one of the first to admit that smoking is bad for you. But what the fuck are they going to outlaw next? The next time some politician is wanting to score some points 'for the people', what are they going to turn to?

Well, it ain't going to get any better until it's mandatory to wear a bubble.
Stupid shit.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Shane retrieve"

"Shane - retrieve! Shane - retrieve!"
I thought it was "Come back!"

Kiss Me I'm Irish

Aye, Happy friggin' St. Paddy's day.

True Dat

Another quickie St. Pat's day post:

Grand BAM! Breakfast

Man Shot Dead at Calif. Denny's Restaurant:

AP - 1 hour, 1 minute ago

ANAHEIM, Calif. - A gunman opened fire early Friday at a Denny's restaurant, killing one man and seriously wounding another, police said. It was the third fatal shooting at the restaurant chain in Southern California this week.

Good lord, another one?
I wonder what did Denny's do to piss them off so bad?

This Day in History - Night Stalker

From HistoryChannel.com:

1985 The Night Stalker terrorizes Los Angeles

Richard Ramirez, the infamous Night Stalker, buys a gun and then kills two women in separate attacks in Los Angeles. These murders started an incredible spree that panicked the entire city during the summer of 1985. Ramirez, who swore allegiance to Satan, killed over a dozen people and sexually assaulted even more until he was caught on August 31.

Ramirez, dressed in all black and wearing an AC/DC cap, cruised the freeways of East Los Angeles looking for a victim on March 17. He listened to AC/DC's Highway to Hell album over and over again and his favorite song was 'Night Prowler.' He spotted Maria Hernandez and followed her as she drove home. As she was opening her door from the garage, Ramirez walked straight at her, pointed the gun at her head and fired.
[...]

That's one of my all-time favorite albums.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Left gorky chipboard"

You sure it's not the right gorky chipboard?

Life Solved

Stolen from here:

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = working from home
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Not far from the truth.

Why?

Student Recites 8,784 Digits of Pi:

SALEM, Va. - A high school student Tuesday recited 8,784 digits of Pi — the non-repeating and non-terminating decimal — likely placing him among the top Pi-reciters in the world.

Get a fucking life, kid.
Go outside. Get some fresh air and sunshine. Maybe even ride a bike.

What A Heartbreaker

Jessica Simpson snubs Bush:

By Steve Gorman Thu Mar 16, 1:11 AM ET

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Concerned about politicising her favourite charity, singer-actress Jessica Simpson on Wednesday turned down a invitation to meet with U.S. President George W. Bush, a snub that left Republicans dismayed.
[...]

Why the fuck would anyone want any association with that airheaded bimbo?
What sort of stupidity would she spew if she was around the White House?

Don't bother. I already know.

From The 'Duh' Files

Republicans Happier than Democrats

Robert Roy Britt
LiveScience Managing Editor
LiveScience.com Wed Mar 15, 7:00 PM ET

Overall happiness among U.S. residents has not changed much over the years, according to the latest survey by the Pew Research Center that finds 34 percent of adults are very happy.

Among 3,014 telephone respondents, half reported being pretty happy, and 15 percent said they are not too happy.

The survey, released this week, points out several disparities based on lifestyle, beliefs and political persuasion:

• Republicans are happier than Democrats.
• People who worship frequently are happier than those who don't.
• The rich are happier than the poor.
• Whites and Hispanics are happier than blacks.
• Married people are happier than the unmarried.
• Dog owners and cat owners rate the same.
• Sunbelt residents are happier than everyone else.

And once again, record amounts of money are wasted on "obvious" polls.

One Six-Pack of Kick-Ass - To Go Please

US says launches biggest air assault in Iraq:

31 minutes ago

BAGHDAD (Reuters) - The U.S. military said on Thursday it launched its biggest air offensive in Iraq since the 2003 invasion to root out insurgents near a town where recent violence raised fears of civil war.

'Bout time.

This Day in History - Judge Roy Bean

From HistoryChannel.com:

1903 Judge Roy Bean dies

Roy Bean, the self-proclaimed "law west of the Pecos," dies in Langtry, Texas.

A saloonkeeper and adventurer, Bean's claim to fame rested on the often humorous and sometimes-bizarre rulings he meted out as a justice of the peace in western Texas during the late 19th century. By then, Bean was in his 50s and had already lived a life full of rough adventures.
[...]

Ah, "The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean". One of my all-time favorite movies.

Spam Subject of the Day

"may adultery claustrophobic"

Could be. I wouldn't know.

Well, Ain't That A Poke In The Ass

Proulx slams academy and `Crash`:

LOS ANGELES, CA, United States (UPI)

The author of the story that was adapted into the film, 'Brokeback Mountain,' has trashed the Oscars and best film winner, 'Crash.'

In Britain`s Guardian, Annie Proulx referred to the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences voters as 'conservative heffalumps' and referred to 'Crash' as 'Trash,' the Los Angeles Times reported Tuesday.

'We should have known conservative heffalump academy voters would have rather different ideas of what was stirring contemporary culture,' Proulx wrote. 'Roughly 6,000 film industry voters, most in the Los Angeles area, many living cloistered lives behind wrought-iron gates or in deluxe rest-homes, out of touch not only with the shifting larger culture and the yeasty ferment that is America these days, but also out of touch with their own segregated city, decide which films are good.

Yeah right. Tha's funny. I don't care who ya' are. Tha's funny.
Did you happen to take into consideration that maybe the movie sucked?
Far be it for 'Hollywood' to all of a sudden turn conservative.


Also:
"yeasty ferment"? Where the fuck did she come up with that one?

One Of My Last Conversations With An 8-track Player

8-Track: See that?

Curmudgeon: Huh? Wha'...?

8-Track: See the curtains hanging in the window?

Curmudgeon: Oh yeah! I see it.
Feels late. What time is it anyway?

8-Track: In the evening on a Friday night

Curmudgeon: Oh. Thanks. And what have we here?

8-Track: A little light a-shining through the window

Curmudgeon: Yeah, comforting, ain't it?

8-Track: Lets me know every thing's all right

Curmudgeon: Love that jasmine.

Cha-Ching!!!

Scientists Find Big Afghan Oil Resources:

AP - Tue Mar 14, 5:29 PM ET Avg. Rating: 4.7

WASHINGTON - Two geological basins in northern Afghanistan hold 18 times the oil and triple the natural gas resources previously thought, scientists said Tuesday as part of a U.S. assessment aimed at enticing energy development in the war-torn country.

Let's finish kicking their asses and take it then. What are we waiting for?
They don't need it. They wander around afoot or on donkeys.

Hold On There,

Argentina's 'White Giant' Glacier on Yahoo! News Photos:

The Perito Moreno glacier, part of the Los Glaciares National Park, a World Heritage site, is unusual in that it is still growing forward at the accelerated rate of between 30 and 60 cm per day.

I thought global warming was causing glaciers around the world to diminish?
Somebody make up my fucking mind here.

A Conflict Of Interest

RFK Assassin Comes Up for Parole in Calif.:

AP - Wed Mar 15, 7:26 AM ET

FRESNO, Calif. - Robert F. Kennedy's assassin, Sirhan Sirhan, comes up for parole again this week in a potential conflict for Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, who is married to RFK's niece.

What choice does he have but to recuse himself from it? I don't think he has any.
I don't think it will ever get past the parole board, but if it does, he will sure send him back. He can't pardon the asshole, if he ever wants to get laid again.

Have Your Corned Beef An Eat It Too?

Bishops Bend Rules for St. Patrick's Day:

AP - Wed Mar 15, 8:42 AM ET

MILWAUKEE - Michael O'Leary doesn't need to choose between sinning and nibbling this St. Patrick's Day. O'Leary will enjoy his corned beef on Friday with a clear conscience — thanks to a special dispensation from another Irish-American, Archbishop Timothy Dolan of Milwaukee.
[...]

Phoney Phukkers.
Let us just bend the rules when we don't want to follow them.
Yeah, that's an example to look up to.

This Day in History - The Ides of March

From HistoryChannel.com:

44 B.C. The ides of March:
Julius Caesar is murdered

Julius Caesar, the perpetual dictator of the Roman Empire, is murdered by his own senators at a meeting in a hall next to Pompey's Theatre. The conspiracy against Caesar encompassed as many as sixty noblemen, including Caesar's own prodige Marcus Brutus.
[...]

Hmm. Long time ago.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Obtained DIplomas in 2 Weeks MYl"

Hey! I could be rocket surgeon!

Spiffy!

You've Heard Of Google Earth, Well now we have Google Mars!

And Lest You Forget

It's Steak And BJ Day

Interesting Perspective

First, this from WorldNetDaily:

Islamic websites carry al-Qaida's 'last warning'
Threat of 2 operations designed to bring Americans 'to your knees'

Posted: March 11, 2006 1:00 a.m. Eastern

© 2006 WorldNetDaily.com

WASHINGTON – Islamic websites yesterday posted a "last warning" warning by Rakan Ben Williams, who describes himself as an "al-Qaida undercover soldier" in the U.S., threatening two major operations designed to bring Americans "to your knees."
[...]

The threat suggests the attack will be far greater in magnitude than Sept. 11, 2001, because following this one, "there will be no one to analyze and investigate, because the mind and the heart will be unable to comprehend it. ... This will not be a single operation, but two; one bigger than the other, but we will begin with the big one and postpone the bigger one, in order to see [how] diligent the American people is [in preserving] its life. If it chooses life, [it must] carry out the demands of the Muslims, and if it chooses death, then we are its best perpetrators."

As always, bullies thrive on intimidation.
So let us continue:

"Let me now inform you why we opted to inform you about the two operations and your inability to stop them before they are carried out. The reason is simple: You cannot uncover or stop them except by letting them be carried out. Furthermore, the best you could do would be to accelerate the day of carrying out the operations. In other words, if we schedule the operation to take place tomorrow, the best you could do is to make it happen today."

We can't uncover them without spying, which, the left would like to force Bush to have none of.

It continues: "Now is the time to wake up and dust off this state of complacency and ineffectiveness to save yourselves and your loved ones from catastrophes sure to come your way. Remove war mongers from positions of power and throw them in prisons, where they belong. Rid yourselves of 'the Jewish pests' that brought nothing to you but adversity and loss of lives and wealth. They have deceived you for many years, it is time now you turn the table on them and make an example out of them. Rid yourselves of media crafters who deliberately kept you in the dark for so long and made a mockery of you before the rest of the world."

Getting rid of the media? Yup. I'll go along with that.
But as for getting rid of the country's leadership - that's exactly what they would like us to do. They're afraid of the leadership and are wanting us to turn on ourselves.

But the truth is, we hate them and we don't trust them.

Writes Jeff over at Protein Wisdom:

Don’t believe we’re capable? Look at how Americans reacted to the Dubai Port deal: seems the relentless news of “insurgent” attacks and American troop deaths—all in the service of bringing “these people” freedom—have had the effect of making the majority of Americans distrust all things Muslim. Even as the Eeeeevil Bushco has been pushing precisely the opposite message, whereby Islamic fanaticism is to be distinguished from mainstream Muslim faith.

So score one for the nuanced crowd, whose half-decade-long campaign to sink Bush through a rhetorical onslaught has resulted in a growing sense of anti-Islamic sentiment among the yokels and rubes (to whom our elites are supposed to be teaching “tolerance"). Oh well. Law of unintended consequences and all that, you know.

Option 2: Give them all 'the bomb' and let them eliminate themselves.
Of course, we may have to ride bicycles for a spell, but at least we wouldn't have to deal with Habib in tech support.

Why Is This So Hard To open?

"...And by 'tossed salad' I don't mean tossed all over my desk, thank you very much."

This Made Me Chuckle

You may want to Click on it to get a better look. (Pops).

Bwah!

Now THERE'S a couple that knows how to fight!:
Reuters - 2 hours, 13 minutes ago Sent 252 times

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - A Mexican couple were recovering separately after a marital spat got out of control and saw them firing guns, throwing knives and hurling homemade bombs, Mexican daily Milenio said on Monday.

That would have been entertaining!

Second Thoughts

Gruesome Images Dominate Calif. Trial
AP - Tue Mar 14, 8:10 AM ET

SAN BERNARDINO, Calif. - More than seven years ago, Wayne Adam Ford walked into a sheriff's office with a woman's severed breast in his jacket pocket and allegedly told authorities the body part 'was just the tip of the iceberg.'

Excuse me?
You find a woman chopped up and you pick up - a tit?

I don't think any physical evidence was required to be carted to the police station. But if you did take something down there, why would you choose a tit of all things?
I'm thinking the dude was probably going to take it home a stuff it, then had second thoughts.

"F" That

"F Word" exhibit examines "forgiveness":

By Rebecca Harrison Tue Mar 14, 6:43 AM ET

JOHANNESBURG (Reuters) - A suicide bomber blows your only son to pieces. A paramilitary guns down your father. An intruder rapes you and murders your husband. Could you forgive them?
[...]

I say the applicable "F" word here, is well, you probably already know.
Fuck 'em!
Kill the bastards and let God, Allah, Buddha, Satan - or whoever their respective deity is - forgive their sorry asses.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Where intimater incondensable"

Like, Venus maybe?

Why?

What exactly, the hell, is going on here, besides idiocy?

Vietnam Numbers

Pooke has posted an interesting data sheet containing myths and facts about the Vietnam war and Vietnam veterans right here. Go take a look.

One-Liner I Heard Over The Weekend

Q- "So what tattoo are you planning on getting?"

A- "I'm getting a big 'W' on each ass cheek, so when I bend over it says 'WOW'."

Spam Subject of the Day

"Back automatic a verbosity"

I ain't listening.

Funny Headline From Fark.Com

(SouthFlorida.com)

Sisters who haven't seen each other since they were toddlers are reunited after 79 years. Surprised to see each other still wearing diapers

Good gawd, that made me laugh.

It's A Quandry

Can I keep nude photos of my wife’s friend?:

Q. My wife had some nude pictures of me in our computer. Her best friend Natalie saw them while she was over here working at our desk. One day, I answered the phone and it was Natalie. She said she knew exactly what I “looked” like, as she had e-mailed the nude pictures to herself. Then, she sent me some nude pictures of her.

Now, Natalie goes out of her way to wear something I will get a show from, like a skirt with no underwear. What should I do?
[...]

A. ... As far as the nude pictures of Natalie are concerned, ... Delete them.
[...]

Or not. Then shut the fuck up.

Good gawd. Is this idiot really not smart enough to figger this one out by himself?
He should do himself a favor and go take a nap on the tracks.

But hey Mr. Natalie's Neighbor, I would really like to help you out here. If you really want to clear your conscience, feel free to email them to me*. I will hold on to them them for safe-keeping. You will then be able to safely delete them from your computer and go straight to heaven.
Can't help you with the part about her letting you take a glance at her snatch or titties though. You're just going to have to run to the closet and shut the door when she comes over to get away from that one.



*Unless they're something my eyes should not be subjected to. In which case I will also delete them.

RIPPED!!! From The Headlines

Such a bunch of shit. I just have to list them, since there are too many for individual posts.

First:

Chicago Requires Driver's Ed for the Blind

Jumpin' Jeezus. That makes a lot of sense.


Next:

Bush's Approval Rating Falls to New Low

Yeah, that's like a weekly thing now, ain't it? What are they going to say when it gets to '0'?


Then we have:

Older Americans Working Less, Study Finds

Well, I don't blame them.


And now:

Company Blames SAT Scan Error on Weather

GLOBAL WARMING IS MESSING WITH TEST SCORES TOO!!!


Next:

Columbus mystery nearly solved 500 years after death

It's been weighing heavy on my mind.


Now:

Jackson ordered to close Neverland

There's a novel idea. But, he's not even there anymore. Who the fuck cares?


What!!???:

For once, blame the student

No! How can that possibly be?


And here:

Drinking May Have Fueled Ala. Church Fires

Drinking? In the bible belt? I'm shocked. Shocked I tell you!


Now then:

Can journalists be prosecuted as spies?

I say no. But their sources should be.


Well, that about wraps it up. More later I'm sure.

Right On Top Of Things

GM recalls more than 800,000 trucks:

56 minutes ago

DETROIT (Reuters) - General Motors Corp. is recalling 805,368 Chevrolet Silverado and GMC Sierra pickup trucks for weak tailgate support cables, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration said on Friday.

GM is recalling the 1999-2000 models of both brands, in which the cables used to support the tailgate can corrode and fracture with loads, the federal organization said on its Web site.

Uuummm, I have a 2003 Silverado and it was recalled a couple years ago.
In other words, this is front page news?

This Day in History - GET YOUR ASS IN HERE!

From HistoryChannel.com

SPEECH TRANSMITTED BY TELEPHONE:
March 10, 1876

On this day, the first discernible speech is transmitted over a telephone system when inventor Alexander Graham Bell summons his assistant in another room by saying, "Mr. Watson, come here; I want you." Bell had received a comprehensive telephone patent just three days before.
[...]

Then along came Al Gore and made it so we could use the telephone lines to look for smut.

Spam Subject of the Day

The sender is the good part today:

"Invigoration P. Staircases"

Nope. don't know you. 'Delete'.

Border Security

This video looks about as effective as the U.S.-Mexican border.

Border Security

This video looks about as effective as the U.S.-Mexican border.

Spam Subject of the Day

"on bmake kbowsprit"

That's what I thought.

Another From The 'Duh' Files

Study Warns Women About Spring Break
AP - Wed Mar 8, 7:11 AM ET

CHICAGO - The American Medical Association is warning girls not to go wild during spring break. All but confirming what goes on in those "Girls Gone Wild" videos, 83 percent of college women and graduates surveyed by the AMA said spring break involves heavier-than-usual drinking, and 74 percent said the break results in increased sexual activity.

Morons. That's why they go, fer fucks sake.

Wish I Had Nickel...

For every search hit on my sitemeter for

"buttfuck mountain"
-or-
"pokeback mountain"

Link whore? Me? :)

Dr. Suess

Spam Subject of the Day

"Further antebellum may rate"

Antebellum? Maybe in Iraq.

Where's That Bus?

The one I need to jump in front of.
I have truly seen it all now.

Knife anyone? Razor blade?
I have wrists in need of draining.

Speaking Of Guitar Heroes

Oh Eddie. You haven't fared so well since these days:

Another One From The 'Duh' Files

Sushi may be bad for health
Reuters - Mon Mar 6, 5:43 PM ET Sent 2,650 times

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Sushi is more popular than ever before but eating it 'has become the new Russian roulette' in terms of safety, a group campaigning against mercury in fish said on Monday.

Well, no shit. Raw meat? What do you expect? It's full of poisons and worms.
There has been absolutely no reason to eat raw fish since the invention of fire.

I like sushi, as long as the fish is cooked.

Spam Subject of the Day

"and sniffly but dough"

That sounds like a pretty bad cold.

United Press International - NewsTrack - Many companies plan more outsourcing

United Press International - NewsTrack - Many companies plan more outsourcing:

BOSTON, March 4 (UPI) -- Eighty-nine percent of U.S., British and Asian corporate technology decision makers plan to increase their outsourcing budget over the next 12 months.
[...]

Okay then, but what about this from CNN Money:

Outsourcing customer service may seem like a bargain, but it can cost you some of your most valuable clients.

Which is why the backlash against customer-service outsourcing is upon us, and why it's gathering steam. Sure, outsourcing offers short-term cost savings. But contracting out critical functions can never deliver sustainable competitive advantage, because competitors can always hire the same contractors to do the same thing (equally poorly). Real competitive advantage stems from strategies that aren't easily imitated--and, sorry, buying services on the open market isn't one of them.

Piss me off just once, and I'll be gone. There are too many other companies out there who do give a shit, for me to put up with lousy service.

Da Best

This site has listed the 100 Greatest Rock Guitarists
Of course, these lists are very subjective, and usually the opinion of some individual whose opinion for some reason, matters.
Anyway, I agree with a lot of these, but some I have to ask WTF?. But if you remind yourself of the criteria by which these selections were made, most make sense:

Guitarists are ranked for their impact, influence, creativity, versatility, originality, technical skill and lasting popularity in the genre of Rock guitar.

Impact and influence are key here. Jimi Hendrix (no stranger to the #1 spot) wasn't that great. He was however, very innovative.
Although Eric Clapton is great, I've always thought there were better guitarists than him. But again, he was very innovative and creative.

So here are my favorites, in the order the list had them in:

5. Eddie Van Halen - Van Halen
6. Stevie Ray Vaughan* - Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble
7. Joe Satriani - Solo
9. Steve Vai - David Lee Roth, Whitesnake, Solo
12. Randy Rhoads* - Quiet Riot, Ozzy
15. Yngwie Malmsteen - Rising Force, Solo
21. Eric Johnson - Solo
35. Kirk Hammett - Metallica
44. Slash - Guns N' Roses, Velvet Revolver
50. Angus Young - AC/DC
57. George Harrison* - Beatles, Traveling Wilberys, Solo
60. Jerry Cantrell - Alice In Chains, Solo
65. Kenny Wayne Shepherd - Kenny Wayne Shepherd Band
70. Jerry Garcia* - Grateful Dead
78. Tony MacAlpine - Solo
81. Gary Hoey - Solo
104. Gary Richrath - REO Speedwagon, Solo
113. Ted Nugent - Ambouy Dukes, Damn Yankees, Solo,
139. Tom Scholz - Boston
159. Lindsey Buckingham - Fleetwood Mac
172. Pat Travers - Pat Travers Band
173. Dave Mustaine - Metallica, Megadeth

I'm not going to put them in any sort of order of preference. That's just too much thinking. They all have their specialties and reasons for me liking them, whether they had a big influence on music or not.

*They're dead.

The Oscars

I don't watch awards shows. Can't fucking stand them.
But - are you sitting down? Good. Take a deep breath... Okay. Ready for this? - for once, I agree with Hollywood.
I know, I know. I hate to admit it, but "Crash" is an excellent movie. If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and watch it.

"Crash," covers a 36-hour period in Los Angeles as the lives of people of many races collide in a way that highlights bigotry.
[...]

I guess that buttfucker movie wasn't all that after all.

Any Bowlers Out There?

Try this.
My first score: 110. Impressive huh?

A Funny

A farmer named Clyde had a car accident.

In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde. The lawyer asked, "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, ''I'm fine?''

Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the........."

"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ''I'm fine!?"

Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road............"

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was j ust fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie".

Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other.

I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her moans.

Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her.

After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun in hand, looked at me, and said, "How are you feeling?"

"Now what the hell would you say?"

Spam Subject of the Day

"Almost upstream or circumstance"

Yeah, almost.

A Funny - 2-fer

First, a joke:

Q: What did the mime say to the bartender?

Next, I stole this picture somewhere, not sure where. If it's yours, take it back.
Anyway, I chuckled:

LOOK OUT!

Whirlpool baths: enter at your own risk :
Reuters - Thu Mar 2, 5:51 PM ET Sent 1,460 times

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Better think twice before soothing those aching muscles in a whirlpool bath or hot tub. A new study shows that whirlpool bathtubs can be a breeding ground for a host of disease-causing bacteria.

And they cause global warming too.

Classy

Wisconsin Youth Charged With Rape, Murder:

[...]
"Avery was charged in November with first-degree intentional homicide, mutilating a corpse and possession of firearms by a felon in Halbach's death. He had been released from prison in 2003 after serving 18 years for rape before being exonerated by DNA evidence."
[...]

Okay, I'm confused here. He was exonerated, but yet he rapse and kills once he gets out?
I'm thinking maybe he wasn't so innocent after all.

"Kratz said Halbach went to the Avery salvage lot Oct. 31 because Avery called Auto Trader Magazine, gave a fake name and asked for one of its freelancers — Halbach — to come out and photograph a minivan for sale. She had been there several times before for similar appointments."

Trailer trash running a junkyard. Yeah, that's someone I would trust.

Ceremonious Delinking

Well, this is the first time I've done such a thing, but I think it's long overdue. Mostly because I don't really have anything to talk about right now, as I haven't read the news yet.

I have some links on my blogroll that I visit on a regular basis. Some good, some better. I don't have any bad links there. Sort of like (CONSENSUAL) sex. There's good sex, and there's better sex, but there's no such thing as bad sex.

Some bloggers are good for a while, then either go Incognito and don't write anything for ages, or simply get too mundane. I don't really give a shit about the package you're carrying. Maybe some do. Me? Nyet.

Some start out real good, then acquire some droll obsession with something, like Nigerian spammers, and bore me to tears. Maybe I'm crazy, but writing a book on Nigerian spammers? Gimme a fucking break. I would rather read the technical manual for a pencil sharpener.

Now, if your ego causes you to point out that you're that much better of a writer then your "minions", you will get added to the list of bloggers who can go fuck themselves. This list, by the way, is not on my sidebar. There are too many other entertaining things to read on these interwebs to put up with some condescending asshole, good writing or not.

Some I enjoy reading, but don't get updated often enough. So, to hell with it. I ain't going to bother keeping them around.

Others, I just Don't read any more.

Some have gone so overboard with their design, I can't stand to look at it any more.

I suppose that's enough for now.

Spam Subject of the Day

"on tertiary not matilda"

As in Waltzing with?

Innovative

Too much beer?
Bib overalls too tight?
Belly too big?


Here's the solution:





No, that's not my picture.

Yeah. Me Too.

Nabbed from here.

Update: Shit! I meant, but totally forgot, to add where I stole the above link from!
Sorry Andy. Go check out his blog. It's a good'un.

Quote Of The Day

"I need a girl whose name doesn't end in .JPG".

Another Time Waster

I'm sure guys will enjoy this demo much more than girls, but give it a try.



Thanx Death


BWAH HAH HAH HAH AHHHAHHHHHHHhhhhhhhh.....!!!!

Oh, Fucking WAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

Lottery winners' good luck can go bad fast:

By Oren Dorell, USA TODAY Mon Feb 27, 8:05 AM ET

Eight workers at a Nebraska meatpacking plant who won the $365 million Powerball jackpot last week may want to take heed of the downside of such good fortune.

Not that anyone would turn down such a windfall, but other heavenly jackpots did not lead to paradise. Some big winners have filed for bankruptcy within a few years, been attacked by family members and been besieged by requests from people they didn't know.
[...]

• Within days of winning a $41 million share of a Powerball jackpot in 2001, Patricia and Erwin Wales of Buxton, Maine, were sued by co-workers who claimed to be co-winners.
• William "Bud" Post, who won $16.2 million in the Pennsylvania Lottery in 1988, had a brother who tried to have him killed for the inheritance. Post lost and spent all his winnings. He was living off Social Security when he died in January.
• Two years after winning a $31 million Texas Lottery in 1997, Billie Bob Harrell Jr. committed suicide
• Victoria Zell, who shared an $11 million Powerball jackpot with her husband in 2001, is serving time in a Minnesota prison, her money gone. Zell was convicted in March 2005 in a drug- and alcohol-induced collision that killed one person and paralyzed another.
• Evelyn Adams, who won the New Jersey Lottery twice, in 1985 and 1986, for a total $5.4 million, gambled and gave away all of her money. She was poor by 2001, and living in a trailer.

I really pity these 'poor' bastards.
Would that I had a chance to fuck things up like that.

Figgers

Italian Panel: Soviets Behind Pope Attack

By VICTOR L. SIMPSON, Associated Press Writer 2 hours, 7 minutes ago

ROME - An Italian parliamentary commission concluded 'beyond any reasonable doubt' that the Soviet Union was behind the 1981 attempt to kill Pope John Paul II — a theory long alleged but never proved, according to a draft report made available Thursday.

I knew it. Them damn Russkies have always been troublemakers.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Seen doorway the trafficked"

If you say so.

Something I KNow You've Always Wondered

How to cook an alien

[...]

Removing the skin is best performed after the creature is dead, or at least unconscious. There is a distinct lack of body hair in all 3 major breeds of alien, so there is no reason to scrub or score the skin.

Removing the skin is normally done to provide a leather utility or accessory. However, as we are concentrating on aliens as food, I shall not discuss this, and instead I suggest that you employ one of the web search engines on tanning, or indeed on alien leather accessories.

Steps to remove the skin, include a soaking in warm water to loosen the skin, making it easy to peel. However, in an emergency, an incision from the abdomen upwards to the sternum will provide a flap of skin, which then with liberal pulling, should allow you to peel the skin from your alien, rather like a "leatherjacket" (a fish, where the skin is removed by pulling, leaving the rich flesh, and the tail.
[...]

A Funny

A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul the preacher asked the man, "Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord, my good man?

Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work, the farmer replied, "Naw, these are soybeans."

"You don't understand," said the preacher. "Are you a Christian?"

With the same amount of interest as his previous answer the farmer said, "Nope my name is Jones. You must be looking for Jim Christian. He lives a mile south of here."

The young determined preacher tried again asking the farmer, "Are you lost?"

"Naw! I've lived here all my life," answered the farmer.

"Are you prepared for the resurrection?" the frustrated preacher asked.

This caught the farmer's attention and he asked, "When is it gonna be?"

Thinking he had accomplished something the young preacher replied, "It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day."

Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow, the farmer remarked, "Well, don't mention it to my wife. She don't get out much and she'll wanna go all three days."

Anna Nicole Earns Supreme Sympathy

"Ya ole farts ccam gimmmme m'dammmmoney now! NOWWWW!!! I waannna getoutta thissss shoes. Daaammmitthhh mmma feesh'r killin'...yaknow, I dinn't kill himmmyaknow. MY MONNEYY. Iwaannn mymonneee!!!"

Bwah!

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