Ow

In police interview, woman described stabbing penis of man who attacked her:

By Matt Pordum, Court TV Thu Sep 28, 5:47 PM ET

LAS VEGAS (Court TV) - Kirstin Lobato told detectives she left her small town in northern Nevada to see life in Las Vegas during a summer vacation in 2001.

But instead of expanding her horizons, the then-18-year-old Lobato said she discovered methamphetamine and was quickly 'out of my mind on drugs,' according to her taped police statement that was played at her murder trial Wednesday.

Prosecutors say she was so out of her mind that on July 8, 2001, she killed and mutilated a homeless man.

To support her drug habit, Lobato performed as an exotic dancer during two amateur nights at the Green Door and Cheetah's strip clubs. Her dancing and constant meth use kept her awake for three days.

That's when, she claimed, she was attacked by a black man in a parking lot who smelled like "old alcohol and dirty diapers."

Prosecutors claim the man was 43-year-old murder victim Duran Bailey. They contend Lobato offered him sex in exchange for drugs, and when she realized he didn't have any drugs, she killed him with a butterfly knife and baseball bat.

They also allege Lobato, now 23, cut off Bailey's penis and stabbed his anus after killing him.
[...]

She's nuts.

Everyone Hide!

Travelers to Africa, Asia returning with new virus:

By Matthew Bigg Thu Sep 28, 7:23 PM ET

ATLANTA (Reuters) - Travelers to parts of Africa and Asia are returning with a new mosquito-borne virus and the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention warned on Thursday it could become entrenched in new areas.

What I want to know is who do we blame this on? Is it Bush or Global Warming?™

WooHoo!

U.S. border fence bill clears Senate hurdle:

Thu Sep 28, 8:27 PM ET

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A bill authorizing construction of a fence along the U.S. border with Mexico advanced in the U.S. Senate on Thursday as Republican backers pushed to get an immigration measure to
President George W. Bush desk before the November 7 elections.

Well, it's a start...

Spam Subject of the Day

"b()()st your satisfaction"

Well now. That's creative.

Now That's A Babysitter

Police: Girl, 3, drunk from hard liquor:

Wed Sep 27, 1:38 PM ET

MINNEAPOLIS - A 14-year-old boy was arrested after his 3-year-old sister was found passed out drunk from hard liquor at a home, police said.
[...]

I can't help it. I chuckled.

Quote Of The Day

Some stranger stumbled across my blog, so of course I had to go check theirs out. I'm glad I did. He had a quote on there which gave me a good chuckle.

From Slack LaLane, referring to Terrell Owens' so-called suicide attempt:

"Some people call 30-something pain pills a suicide attempt. Some just call that an awesome weekend. It's all about perspective, folks."

Bwah!

Spam Subject of the Day

"If you can is small household gadgets? Yes!"

Yippee!

WOOHOO!

Hah! That'll learn that asshole to mouth off.

As I mentioned in this post, I think we should boycott Citgo (7-Eleven) gasoline because it is wholly owned by Venezuela, which is in turn dictated by that Steaming Pile of Shit Hugo Chavez.

Sure, it would hurt the small business owner, but hey. It would also hurt the corporation. They can always select another supplier.

But looky here! We only have to boycott them for another week!
From Fox news: in it's entirety, because it's just too good to make snippets out of.

7-Eleven to End Relationship with Venezuela-Backed Citgo

DALLAS — Convenience store operator 7-Eleven Inc. is dropping Venezuela-backed Citgo as its gasoline supplier at more than 2,100 locations and switching to its own brand of fuel.

The retailer said Wednesday it will purchase fuel from several distributors, including Tower Energy Group of Torrance, Calif., Sinclair Oil of Salt Lake City, and Houston-based Frontier Oil Corp.

A spokeswoman for Dallas-based 7-Eleven said its 20-year contract with Citgo Petroleum Corp. ends next week. About 2,100 of 7-Eleven's 5,300 U.S. stores sell gasoline.

Citgo is a Houston-based subsidiary of Venezuela's state-owned oil company, and the foreign parent became a public-relations issue for 7-Eleven because of comments by Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.

Chavez has called President George W. Bush the devil and an alcoholic. The U.S. government has warned that Chavez is a destabilizing force in Latin America.

7-Eleven spokesman Margaret Chabris said that, "Regardless of politics, we sympathize with many Americans' concern over derogatory comments about our country and its leadership recently made by Venezuela's president Hugo Chavez."

Chabris said a boycott of Citgo gasoline would hurt the 4,000 employees of the U.S. subsidiary, who have no connection to Venezuela.

7-Eleven had been considering creating its own brand of fuel since at least early last year. Company officials said at the time they had spoken with independent fuel distributors.

We may now join hands and sing "Fuck you Chavez".
Anyone know off-hand how much that outburst is going to cost him?



Hat tip to the Mark of Maricopa.

CAT FIGHT!

Sen. Clinton hits back at Rice over 9/11:
[...]
'I think my husband did a great job in demonstrating that Democrats are not going to take these attacks,' Hillary Clinton said Tuesday. 'I'm certain that if my husband and his national security team had been shown a classified report entitled 'Bin Laden Determined To Attack Inside the United States' he would have taken it more seriously than history suggests it was taken by our current president and his national security team.'
[...]

Sandy Berger: "Mr. President, I think Osama's going to cause some trouble."

Clinton:

Sandy Berger: "And the Al-Qaeda..."

Clinton:

Sandy Berger: "Hey Bill! Are you listening to me!?"

Clinton: "Uuuhh... I'll look into that right directly..."

Uum, Okay

3D imaging reveals incarnations of 'Mona Lisa':

by Michel Comte Tue Sep 26, 8:54 PM ET

OTTAWA (AFP) - Leonardo Da Vinci's 'Mona Lisa' originally wore a delicate maternity garment, her hair gathered up in a bun, details that have disappeared under varnish but are now visible under 3D imaging, scientists said.
[...]

Uh, who gives a flying fuck?
This information is really something I can use.

Score Another One For The Good Guys

Peer-to-Peer Developer Sues Record Companies:

Peer-to-peer file-sharing software developer Lime Wire has countersued the biggest record companies, charging them with anticompetitive behavior.
[...]

Lime Wire now charges the record companies with colluding to create a monopoly over the digital distribution of copyrighted music. The record companies 'have engaged in these unfair business practices for the specific purpose of eliminating sources of decentralized peer-to-peer file sharing and acquiring a monopoly over digital distribution of commercially valuable copyrighted music and movie content,' the lawsuit reads.
[...]

Cool. The greedy bastards at the RIAA need to be reigned in a little. I'm a-rootin' for Lime Wire on this one.

I do believe in the artists getting their fair cut of royalties, but artists have been getting shafted for eons by record companies. It's time they got a wake-up call.

Spam Subject of the Day

"...lazy"

As in too lazy to even come up with a subject?

Quote Of The Day

Posted by Varifrank:

You can say what you want about President Bush; but the truth is that he can take a punch. The man has taken a swift kick in the crotch for breakfast every day for 6 years and he keeps getting up with a smile in his heart and a sense of swift determination to see the job through to the best of his abilties. You dont have to like him but you have to respect the simple physical resiliancy of this man.

What he's referring to is how Clinton faced the occasional media interview during his reign, and how Bush has an entirely new or rather, added set of media (bloggers) to contend with nowdays.

But nevertheless, I do agree with his staement. Whether you like Bush or not, he does face his opponents quite well.

BWAH!

"Jihad" car commercial upsets U.S. Muslims :

'Jihad' car commercial upsets U.S. Muslims

2 hours, 49 minutes ago

CINCINNATI (Reuters) - A car commercial proclaiming a jihad on the U.S. auto market and offering 'Fatwa Fridays' with free swords for the kids is offensive and should not be aired, Muslim leaders said on Sunday.
[...]

Yeah, what doesn't upset them?
Go buy a car from them. Show your support.

Update: Bummer.

From The 'Duh' Files - Again

Thrown eggs can cause serious eye injury :

Reuters - Tue Sep 26, 7:32 AM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - As many people gear up for their celebration of Halloween, which often includes pranks like throwing raw eggs at strangers, a team of UK researchers warns about the potential eye damage that can be caused by this practice.
[...]

Uh, really? You mean that if I throw something and it his you in the eye, it could cause damage?
I'll be damned.

Well, after a few minutes cogitation and some serious research (not), I have comprised a short list of other objects that could potentially cause eye damage if someone was to throw them at you:

• Water ballons
• Snowballs
• Bleach
  
• Footballs
• Acid
• Rocks
• Axes
  
• Lawn darts
• Javelins
• Bowling balls
• Rhinoceroses
  
• Automobiles
• 747s

So there you go. And it didn't cost you a dime.

Meh

New Orleans celebrates revitalized Superdome:

By Eileen O'Grady Tue Sep 26, 6:38 AM ET

NEW ORLEANS (Reuters) - The Louisiana Superdome, a scene of misery, frustration and death in the days after Hurricane Katrina, came back to life on Monday as the New Orleans Saints took the field for what turned out to be much more than a football game.
[...]

Yeah, it was much more than a football games. It was a bonanza for the media.
All they could talk about is how having this stadium rebuilt was going to save the city.

Anyway, nice to know their priorities are with getting the football stadium built before the rest of the city. Now I don't expect housing to take priority, that won't happen. But I'm thinking that if they really want to draw the tourist dollar back into the Big Easy, they would try getting areas like the French Quarter (or whatever areas the hell it is people go to Nawlins to see) cleaned up and rebuilt before trying to draw big crowds back to the Superdome.

At least they have a nice new (rebuilt) storm cellar.

Spam Subject of the Day

"fresh tongue"

Hmm. Tongue's not bad. I prefer a plain old roast though.

Cockroaches For Cockroaches

PETA upset at Six Flags roach contest:

2 hours, 48 minutes ago

GURNEE, Ill. - People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals wants Six Flags Great America to scrap its Halloween-themed cockroach-eating promotion.
[...]

Like muslims, what doesn't piss PETA off?
Now they're defending cockroaches. Shows their mentality. Are they going to be defending houseflys next? Or ants?

Fucking morons.

It's All His Fault

Witness to Oklahoma, N.Y. attacks speaks:

OKLAHOMA CITY - For the first time, a federal bankruptcy judge has discussed his unique spot in history — as a witness to the two most deadly terror attacks on U.S. soil.

Judge Richard L. Bohanon was in his office, a block away from the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, when a truck bomb exploded on April 19, 1995, killing 168 people. On Sept. 11, 2001, he was in New York on a temporary assignment in an office near the World Trade Center towers.
[...]

Coincidence he was at both places? I think not.
Stay away from him.

Spam Subject of the Day

"4"

Now that's useful.

A Funny

Stolen from here:

Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision.

I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs...phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently, although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."

I sometimes stay awake to look out for her cab coming home, but she always comes walking up the drive as I hear the sound of a car leaving, around the corner, as if she has gotten out and walked the rest of the way. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi at all?

I once picked up her cell phone, just to see what time it was.
This caused her to go completely berserk. She quickly snatched the phone out of my hand and cursed me hysterically, screaming that I should never touch her personal property, then accused me of trying to spy on her.

Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson Lowrider next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the street around the corner when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my motorcycle that I noticed a small amount of motor oil leaking through the gasket between the rear head and rocker arm cover.

So... is this something I can easily repair myself or do you think I should take it back to the dealer

Here's Something You Can Sink Your Teeth Into

Methinks Mark has gone off the deep end.

Question:

Do they have bowling in Russia?
How about other countries?

Just curious.

I'll Second That

Court says $32,000 is too much to fondle bosom

Reuters - 1 hour, 57 minutes ago

HELSINKI (Reuters) - A fee of 25,500 euros ($32,000) is way too much for a woman to charge a man for fondling her bosom, a Finnish district court ruled.
[...]

The court needed to decide that? I could have saved them the trouble.
$5, maybe $10 if they're real nice. But no way in hell $32,000 is a deal.

Say Brother, Can You Spare A Dime For A Fellow American Who Is Down On His Luck?

Starbucks raises prices of coffee drinks:

By ALLISON LINN, AP Business Writer Fri Sep 22, 7:14 AM ET

SEATTLE - Got three bucks? That and a nickel will buy you a coffee drink at Starbucks. Starbucks Corp. said Thursday that it planned to raise prices of its lattes, cappuccinos, drip coffee and other drinks by 5 cents, or an average of 1.9 percent.
[...]

Yeah, that and another $2.95?

Can't stand that yuppie shit.
But then, I don't have to worry about it either, as I don't patronize any of them.

What A Way To Go

Harlem baby dies after falling in vomit:

Fri Sep 22, 1:05 AM ET

NEW YORK - A 3-month-old infant fell off a bed into a bucket of her teenage mother's vomit and died, said police, who charged the woman with negligent homicide on Thursday.
[...]

What a nice mommy.

"So, do you have any kids?"
"No. Well, I had one daughter, but she died."
"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. What happened?"
"She uh, well, I went out partying. When I cam home, I puked in a bucket, and my baby girl fell in it and drowned."
"Umm. Oh. Well, it sounds like you don't deserve to have kids anyway."

Steaming Pile Of Shit

Venezuela's Chavez continues anti-Bush harangue:

By Daniel Trotta Thu Sep 21, 5:32 PM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters) - After branding President Bush as the devil at the United Nations, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez took his anti-imperialist rhetoric to Harlem on Thursday and ridiculed the Texan as a puffed-up John Wayne wannabe.

And the crowds -- a carefully selected group of leftists and liberals -- loved it.
[...]

This fucker is touring the United States Bush bashing, and we're letting him get away with it. But that's the way we are. We have freedom of speech.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for freedom of speech. But I'm also all for manners. Which obviously, this pompous asshole has none of. He is doing nothing but trying to win the praise of the U.N. members by slamming Bush. What a dick.
I don't care what you think of Bush. That's not the point. The point is, whoever the leader is, you don't pull that shit. When dining at your neighbors' house, you don't insult the cook.

What would happen if Bush went to Venezuela - or for that matter, most any other leader went to most any other country in the world - and started insulting their leader? Do you think they would come back in one piece? Uh, no.

Where's a D.C. sniper when you really need one?

Anyway, Chavez - you are a:

Steaming Pile of Shit

Now on top of all this, Chavez is giving heating oil to poor folks in America:

Citgo said its discounted heating oil will benefit some 1.2 million Americans in 17 U.S. states this winter, including Indians in Alaska, some of whom were flown to New York and attended the ceremony in traditional dress. They performed a dance and offered Chavez a walrus figurine carved out of whale bone as a gift.

"This will go a long way for a lot of families," said Ian Erlich, a leader of the Alaska Intertribal Council who said many struggle to afford heating oil where he lives in Kotzebue, Alaska, north of the Artic Circle.

While the program started mainly in the Northeast last winter, this winter it is being expanded to Alaska, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Indiana, Virginia, Maryland, and the cities of Washington, D.C., and Pittsburgh, Pa.

Wait a minute! Alaska is full of oil, but yet we're taking oil from this asshole? I know, the Alaska oil is crude and his is refined. No shit. But greenies here would rather us take Venezuelan goods than use our own resources, process it and let our own people use it.
There is definitely something wrong with this picture.

Oh, and if I see any of you buying Citgo gasoline (7-11), expect a nice clean slit in at least one of your tires.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Seminario de Evaluacion de Proyectos de Inversion"

Sorry, I don't habla the espanol.

Fucking wetbacks.

No Shit?

Health Tip: Be Careful Cleaning With Bleach :

HealthDay - 2 hours, 14 minutes ago Avg. Rating: 5.0

(HealthDay News) -- Although bleach and bleach-based cleaners are an effective way to kill germs, the fumes can irritate the lungs. In poorly ventilated areas, cleaning with bleach can even cause lung damage.
[...]

• Never mix bleach with ammonia, as the combination produces toxic fumes that can damage the lungs.
  
• People with asthma, heart disease or lung problems should avoid cleaning with bleach, as the fumes can further irritate the lungs.
• If you are cleaning with bleach, be sure the area is well-ventilated.
  
• Be careful with products that have added fragrances -- the fumes are only masked and can still be toxic.
• Bleach should never be mixed with toilet bowl cleaner or rust remover, as these combinations can produce toxic fumes.

Everyone should already know these things, yet still have to be told.
But in the interest of safety and your well-being, I will go ahead and add a few of my own safety tips for using bleach:

• Never add bleach to gasoline. It is an ineffective additive for producing improved mileage in your car. Any at all will most likely cause engine damage.
• Never mix bleach with alcohol. The taste should be a strong enough deterrent, but like Prestone, it is still unsafe to consume as a beverage.
  
• You should never use bleach to clean your eyes after vewing a distasteful picture or sight. The beer goggles may be functioning perfectly around 2 or 3 a.m., but after awaking at 10 a.m. or later when the effectiveness of the goggles has worn off, it is suggested you cleanse the mind rather than the eyes of the prior nights' memories.
  
• Never use bleach as a substitute for Listerine. Again, the taste should be a strong enough deterrent, but should the temptation arise Lysol or Pine Sol would probably be a better alternative.
  
• Bleach should never be used as a douche or enema. It could be ingested by your lover causing illnes, or it could get into their eyes causing irreversible damage or loss of attention span. Regurgitation or blindness while having sex is usually an undesirable side effect of contact with bleach.
  

If you keep these few points in mind, you should have a safe and wonderful day.

Spam Subject of the Day

From: C®M¡G¿W®a_³Ì·s¤T¸Uµ§ºô¸ô¤u°Ó¶Ç¯u¡GExcelÀɮסAª½±µ¶}±Ò¨Ï¥Î¡C
Subject: Á`¦@¦³328®MASPºô¯¸µ{¦¡­ì©l½X¡A¥u­n¨Ï¥Î¥ô¦ó1®M´N¤w¸g­È¼»:

Oh yeah? Well &*(#@#$^*&@#($^ to you too.

A Very Special Request

Jean asked a favor from me in the comments to this post.

How can I not help out? After all, she has been a regular visitor and very generous with comments to my posts. Without even having met her in person, I shall consider her a friend and I believe the feeling is mutual.

So being the friend that she is, I will oblige and fulfill her request with the following announcement:

Jean has big tits and can cook

Carry on. :)

Woman dragged behind vehicle near Denver - Yahoo! News

Again from the "Don't piss me off, bitch." department, in addition to this previous post we have this article:

Woman dragged behind vehicle near Denver:

By KIM NGUYEN, Associated Press Writer Tue Sep 19, 9:12 PM ET

DENVER - A woman was tied to a vehicle with a rope and dragged through suburban streets in a gruesome crime that left a trail of blood more than a mile long, police said.

Sick I tell you.

Always Check Your Coffee

Another nutball postal worker on the loose:

Ohio man sentenced in coffee urine case:

AP - Tue Sep 19, 10:42 PM ET

AKRON, Ohio - A former postal worker who poured urine into his co-workers' coffee must serve six months in a jail work-release program. Thomas Shaheen, 50, of suburban Springfield Township, also must pay $1,200 to the people he used to work with to cover their cost of making a secret video of his role in tainting the office coffee.

Here's the kicker though:

Shaheen was videotaped on two occasions in July 2005 pouring urine into a coffee pot in a break room.

The workers knew about it, but had to tape it two times in order to build their case.
In the meantime, PEOPLE WERE STILL DRINKING THE PISS-LADEN COFFEE!

Spam Subject of the Day

" Fwd: PASSWORD"

Sure. Coming right up!

'Nuther Funny

Dedicated to the late, great, Steve Irwin.
I just stumbled across this picture:

Talk Like A Pirate Day

ARRRrrrr... In case you hadn't heard matey, it's Talk Like A Pirate Day.
Well, I'll not be talkin' like a pirate ye scurvies, I'll sure be a posting like one on occasion though.
Avast! Me new keyboard built fer a' postin' like a pirate:

Jurassic Prick

I am compelled, forced even, to comment on this article. I mean, how can you avoid it?

First penis transplant reversed after two weeks

1 hour, 46 minutes ago

LONDON (Reuters) - Surgeons in China who said they performed the first successful penis transplant had to remove the donated organ because of the severe psychological problems it caused to the recipient and his wife.

Dr Weilie Hu and surgeons at Guangzhou General Hospital in China performed the complex 15-hour surgery on a 44-year old man whose penis had been damaged in a traumatic accident.
[...]

"The patient finally decided to give up the treatment because of the wife's psychological rejection, as well as the swollen shape of the transplanted penis" Hu added.
[...]

Oh how the locker room jokes could abound.
"I wouldn't fuck her with YOUR dick!" comes to mind, when a guy is referring to a rather unattractive woman.

That would be just too weird; having another guy's pecker tucked in your pants.
And then to have some ugly disfigurement there to boot. Ugh.

A Funny

Via email:

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am now older and wiser, and am looking for a girl with big tits who can cook.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Are you keen for breakfast on Saturday:-)"

Eh, maybe some coffee. I usually don't eat breakfast.

One For Us Trekkies

This made me chuckle.

News You Can Use

Alcohol use helps boost income: study:

AFP - Thu Sep 14, 6:44 AM ET Sent 166 times

WASHINGTON (AFP) - People who consume alcohol earn significantly more at their jobs than non-drinkers, according to a US study that highlighted 'social capital' gained from drinking.
[...]

I knew it all along. All those nay-sayers who say drinking ruins your life are full of shit!
Now if I could only convince them to let me bring a sixer to work, I could make even more money, for me AND the company!

Representation Without Taxation

More Mexican migrants speak no Spanish : AP - Mon Sep 18, 2:48 AM ET

WOODBURN, Ore. - Inching along the dusty field under a broiling sun, Simon Santol tossed garlic bulbs into buckets and chatted with the other stooped-over Mexican workers. The conversation wasn't in Spanish.

Instead, they spoke Santol's native Triqui, or Mixtec, Zapotec or other languages indigenous to the poorest regions of Mexico. Many of the workers can barely get by in English or Spanish.
[...]

Great. Just what we need. More illegals coming up here from even deeper in Mexico, talking shit NO ONE can understand.
But since we're the U.S., I'm sure we'll be doing our best to accommodate them.

Now on to the title of the post. Of course we're all (except illegal immigrants) familiar the phrase "No taxation without representation". Back in the day, a bunch of people got pissed that they had to pay taxes to the government just so the government had income. It's not like the government actually did anything for the people, more like did something TO them if they didn't pay up.
So what did these people do about it? They started a new government "By the People, For the People". The idea was that the government would get paid to run the country the most beneficial way for the citizens who lived in that country.

Fast forward a couple hundred years or so. We now have a country where everyone is represented. Even if they don't pay taxes. They don't contribute contribute to society in any way at all, but yet they have all the benefits citizens who do contribute have. They're milking this system the rest of us pay into. After all, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

Until people start realizing that a fair chunk of their paycheck goes to pay for schools, hospital care, law enforcement and so on for people who take money home without paying their fair share back into the system, they will continue to get away with it.
And I'm not just talking about illegals here, the same goes for welfare reliant baby-makers who have no desire at all to do anything with their lives.

In the mean time, build the damn wall already. That would be a start.

Religion of Peace

Follow-up:

'Jihad' vowed over Pope speech:

Mon Sep 18, 6:40 AM ET

DUBAI (Reuters) - An Iraqi militant group led by al Qaeda vowed a war against the 'worshippers of the cross' in response to a recent speech by Pope Benedict on Islam that sparked anger across the Muslim world.
[...]

Okay, you ragheaded fuckers are starting to get a little droll.
Jihad for this, jihad for that, pissing and moaning and threatening war every time someone says or draws something that goes against your grain.

We've dinked around long enough. Us 'cross worshippers' aren't that petty or thin-skinned. What we do need to do though is go ahead and teach these assholes they just can't up and riot every time someone insults their goofy diety.

Glass parking lot comes to mind.

Spam Subject of the Day

"CCMI monday a bottle at the pair"

801? Two bottles?
Who knows.

Democraps

Below is a NSFW cartoon.
"Birth of the Democrat Party."
I was perusing my archives and stumbled upon it, whereupon I had another giggle.
I originally posted it back in November '04. But it deserves a redo.

[+/-] show/hide the the pic

Quote Of The Day

From the comments here. The commenter said:

"Oh, snap! Bang factor 11, captain!"

The reply was:

This may be the most retatrded comment ever to be found on the entire internet.

I actually snarked a little mouthful of coke up the back of my sinus cavity.

Off With His Head

Muslims deplore Pope speech, want apology:

'We demand that he apologizes personally, and not through (Vatican) sources, to all Muslims for such a wrong interpretation,' said Beirut-based Sayyed Mohammad Hussein Fadlallah, one of the world's top Shi'ite Muslim clerics.

The Pope on Tuesday repeated criticism of the Prophet Mohammad by the 14th century Byzantine Emperor Manuel II Palaeologus, who said everything Mohammad brought was evil 'such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.'

WAAAAAAA!!!!!
Is the pope wrong? Enlighten me.

Fucking Lawyers

Pa. woman missing 10 years sues city :

AP - Thu Sep 14, 10:38 PM ET

PITTSBURGH - A woman who ran away as a teenager and lived for a decade with a school security guard sued the city and school district Thursday, claiming they failed to fully investigate her disappearance.
[...]

You have got to be kidding me. Greedy bitch. String the guy up and send her to the shrink.
Milking the city ain't going to fix anything.

Rebuttal

I was going to reply to a comment, but it ended up rather lengthy so I figgered I would go ahead and make a post instead.
In response to this post,

the ephemerist said...

Can I like your site and disagree with something in it? Or are we too polarized and intolerant for that? I trust not. I'll bite on the cheese and put myself in the class of "libtard and hippie," just for the sake or argument. But it don't mean shit. I worked in Barry Goldwater's campaign. Saw him. Loved him. Still do. Also worked in McGovern's and Carter's campaigns. But I don't accept that ignorance is bliss about anything. If it is, it's a false bliss. A denial. Ignorance of what? People picture the 1950s as an "ignorance is bliss" era. It's all a feckin illusion. Whatever. What would the opposite of a libtard be, anyway? A Limbturd? A Contard? Just wondrin' -- not that any of these labels will serve any useful purpose. (Why are most pro-lifers not pro-life when it comes to the death penalty?)

"Can I like your site and disagree with something in it?"
Abso-fucking-lutely. I am not so intolerant or polarized that I would dismiss anyone without analysing it first. I welcome differing opinions. It forces me to think and clarify.

Anyway, by 'Limbturd', I'm guessing you mean Rush. I have yet to hear or see one of his shows so I don't know what he's all about.
What I do know though, is the pattern I've seen of extreme liberalism or blissful hippi-ism (is that a word) ends up being totally anti-administration, anti-gun, anti-smoking, anti-anything-that-could-remotely-offend-me or "The Children®". They have gone overboard in thinking they can fix all ills by forcing everyone else to adhere to their ideals and assuming control of their environment.

Don't like smoking? Pass a law banning it. After all, it's better for everyone, no? It doesn't matter that it's the smokers' choice. We'll decide what's better for them.
Don't like guns? Ban them out of existence. Can't have those damn things randomly going off and killing people. And if they're illegal, no one will use them, right?
Don't like gas prices? Well, we can't force Bambi to walk underneath a big pipe in Alasks when we can buy all we want from the middle east.
Don't like the president? Bitch and groan and piss and moan about how he fucked up the country. Forget the little part about how it takes more than one person to pass a law, enact a policy or declare war.

But 'the ephemerist', you seem to be a sensible rather than extremist liberal. That's a rarity. I welcome you and hope you return. Also, I like your writing so I had to add you to my blogroll.

As for: "(Why are most pro-lifers not pro-life when it comes to the death penalty?)"
Again, they know what's best for everyone, right?

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Fe: Your lady deserves more...."

She couldn't handle any more.

Quote Of The Day

From some blog I stumbled through at random:

"Ignorance is bliss? Okay, you can make like an ostrich, and bury your head in the sand, but that doesn't mean that someone won't come along and kick your ass anyway."

Libtards? Hippies? Are you listening?

Follow-Up

To this post:

All charges dropped in penis pump case :

AP - Wed Sep 13, 10:42 PM ET

CHICAGO - Prosecutors dropped all charges Wednesday against a man who claimed an airport security guard misheard him when she thought he'd said a sexual device in his backpack actually was a bomb.
[...]

Well, he's still a fucking idiot.
He said what he said and got caught by mommy. What a guy.

Bummer

Castro says gaining weight: report :

Reuters 1 hour, 36 minutes ago

BUENOS AIRES, Argentina (Reuters) - Cuban President Fidel Castro is well enough to get out of his hospital bed and has started putting on weight again, according to an interview published in an Argentine newspaper on Thursday.
[...]

Too bad. I had hopes there for a bit.

Spam Subject of the Day

"flemishx"

Dunno. No clue.

Merry Christmas! - Installment #1 Of A Christmas Related Series

What? You say it's too early? Well, it's not.

I was in Lowe's over the weekend - I might add, listening to shit dictated on the P.A. system which was not [cough] fucking wetbacks [cough] of the American language - and I saw it:
Yes, they already have the Christmas ornaments for sale.

Today's Lesson

In my neverending quest to enlighten, I had this epitome: How many people know, really know how to play the tambourine?

I'm guessing there are a few who do. Especially if they've had any sort of formal music training. It is one of the most basic percussion instruments dating back to Beethoven's time. But with the advent of synthesizers and other electronic instruments and the evolution of music in general, the tambourine has sort of been relegated to performers who try to perpetuate their legacy or their history.

But it shouldn't be abandoned or forgotten. So today, I'll present a brief demonstration of how to play the tambourine. Just click on the line below to see it:




[+/-] show/hide the demonstration

Go Figger

Coroner: Anna Nicole Son's Death Unnatural:

E! Online - Tue Sep 12, 7:00 PM ET

Authorities in the Bahamas said Tuesday that the sudden death of Anna Nicole Smith's son over the weekend could not be attributed to natural causes, but refused to elaborate.
[...]

I'm shocked. Shocked I tell you!
Uh, yeah.
Chances are pretty good he and mommy had been sharing numerous lines from the same mirror. People that age don't just up and die from a heart attack.

From The 'Duh' Files - Again

This is news:

High school dropouts earn far less money :

AP - Tue Sep 12, 4:29 PM ET Sent 346 times

WASHINGTON - Dropping out of high school has its costs around the globe, but nowhere steeper than in the United States.
[...]

Maybe I need a new category here: "Stupid Study of the Day".

Spam Subject of the Day

"blow first her job"

Ass my now kiss.

A Funny

Via email:

After numerous rounds of "We don't know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send Ted Kennedy a note in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Kennedy opened the note, which appeared to contain a single line of coded message: 370HSSV-0773H.

Kennedy was baffled, so he E-mailed it to John Kerry. Kerry and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI, so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.

With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Marine Corps Intelligence for help.
Within a few seconds, the Marines called back with this reply:

"Tell Kennedy he is holding the message upside down".

And Now, From The 'Get A Life' Department

Grocery baggers to compete in Las Vegas :

AP - Mon Sep 11, 4:56 PM ET

WATERFORD, Wis. - Victory may be in the bag for Lori Engel. Engel, an assistant manager at the Waterford Pick 'n' Save, has parlayed years of bagging know-how into $500, a trip to Vegas and a chance to compete in the National Grocers Association's Best Bagger Contest.
[..]

Now THAT'S something to aspire to.

Pot - Meet Kettle

Democrats say Bush is politicizing 9/11 :

AP - 29 minutes ago

WASHINGTON - The White House quarreled with Democrats Tuesday over whether President Bush was trying to win political points by using a Sept. 11 anniversary speech to defend the war in Iraq and his war on terror.
[...]

Oh. But Dems aren't?
Uh-huh.

Go Figger

Study: Gulf War syndrome doesn't exist :

AP - 10 minutes ago

WASHINGTON - There is no such thing as Gulf War syndrome, even though U.S. and foreign veterans of the war report more symptoms of illness than do soldiers who didn't serve there, a federally funded study concludes.
[...]

Of course. A government funded study is always going find in favor of the government when the outcome could be detrimental to the government.
The government is just like your average insurance company. Especially Medicare. Their policy is to automatically deny any claim, then leave it up to you to contest it.

Ish A Girl, Dammit!

Iiiiaaayyy ham me a b-b-babygirl. Didja n-n-n-know that?
Yup. I hammme a babygirl. Sh-sh-she's pritty. Pritty jush likeme. HA HA HAAa-aaah.
But ya knowwhat? Danny died. Yup. Danny-boy he, he, he up and d-d-died. Jush likethat. Sheesh! Ya jusshhh neverknow whash gonna happen d'ya'? Jush up and ... Bing!

B-b-bu' ya knowwhat? Ma baby she's never goin-go hungry, knowwhat I mean? HA HA HAAAa aaaaahhhh aahh!!!

Makes You Wonder

Via email:

Healthcare

Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement. The first patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.

The second sees his family doctor after waiting a week for an appointment, then waits eighteen weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another month and finally has his surgery scheduled for a year from then.

Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The first is a Golden Retriever. The second is a Senior Citizen.

The same could be said for our medical system vs socialized medicine.

Prove me wrong! Come on. I dare you!

Spam Subject of the Day

"wrinkles arrived, we can help"

Just what I need.

A Funny

Stolen from Yabu.

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

NFL

Is it just me or did anyone else get sick of hearing the bullshit about "Manning vs Manning"?
The way I see it, there were a lot of other people involved in that game. Two whole teams worth. But no, they weren't getting any credit. It was all about the two brothers.
A QB definitely don't make a team.

BWAH!

Man on trial for threats to judge threatens judge:

Reuters Fri Sep 8, 8:19 AM ET

MADRID (Reuters) - A Basque separatist prisoner on trial for threatening to kill a judge on Thursday told the presiding judge that he would shoot him and 'skin him alive,' risking yet another jail sentence.
[...]

Yeah, that makes sense.

Can You Hear Me Now?

From the AP:

This image provided by the Direction of Penal Centers of El Salvador shows an x-ray taken of one of four prisoners at a maximum security Salvadoran prison in Zacatecoluca, 35 miles southeast of the capital of El Salvador. Four cellular telephones were found in the intestines of as many prisoners in El Salvador's maximum-security prison, authorities said Wednesday, Sept. 6, 2006. The discovery happened Tuesday at the prison in Zacatecoluca after suspicious prison officials took x-rays of each of the prisoners, prison spokesman Jaime Villanova said. (AP Photo/Centros Penales)

Uh, yeah. You can keep your phone.

Bitch

N.Y. woman wins $1 million lottery again :

AP - Sat Sep 9, 8:54 PM ET

NEW YORK - A woman who won $1 million from a state lottery game four years ago has improbably hit the jackpot again.
[...]

When's it going to be my turn?

Idiots

2 skydivers fall to their deaths in N.J.:

AP - Sun Sep 10, 10:38 PM ET

WASHINGTON TOWNSHIP, N.J. - Two tandem skydivers fell to their deaths Sunday when their main and reserve parachutes opened only partially, authorities said.
[...]

As far as I'm concerned, they got what they deserved. There just ain't no reason to jump out of a perfectly good airplane.
Like they say, "There are only two things that fall from the sky: Bird shit and idiots."

September 11th, 2006

This will be my one and only 9-11 post.
Happy birthday Mark. Too bad the timing is such that it is.

In the meantime, my hope is that we never abandon profiling.

Spam Subject of the Day

"walk Don't feel bad vigilante"

What's the correlation here?

Today's WTF?

So I go to the quickie mart during lunch to make a small purchase. The total comes to $1.08. I have no change in my pocket, and there are about 50 pennies in the ole' "Need a penny? Take a penny" jar located there on the counter. I usually put in my spare pennies and take them when I need them.

So I'm thinking that since I have no change in my pocket and a five-dollar bill in my hand, i would go ahead and save the 'friendly' cashier the trouble of counting up the change. I would simply take out eight pennies and give them and the fin to the cashier. So I said "Here, I'll just use these." As I reached for the eight shiny coins, Ms. Personality says "We don't take eight pennies. Only the three."
Huh? Uh, okay. So I gave her the fiver, put the pennies back and let her count out the change. The bitch.

Maybe I'm greedy. Whatever. Seemed rather silly to me though.
But, there are plenty of other quickie marts around. Like, one on every gawddamn corner. Others who have even spotted me ten, even twenty cents rather than have me break a bill. So those are the ones I'll be patronizing.
And no, it's not that I'm cheap, its the priciple. The principle of treating your customers like you appreciate their business. After all, there are plenty of other options for them.

A (Nuther) Message

Just D says she has Blogger Beta installed. Evidently, if you don't have it installed also, she can't comment on your blog. Well, apparently the reverse is true.
Fucking blogger is fucking fucked up again! Good gawd. Google is nothing but one big beta.

For Chrissakes. This free shit is really getting on my nerves.

Spam Subject of the Day

"scallop Look Interesting apposition concussion"

Scallop? I ain't no scallop.

Whew!

First of all, let me say thanks to all of you who sent your well wishes. It was great to pop in here and see all those kind comments!

My mother was 85 years old, very ill and bedridden. Even though it is a loss for my family, it was a relief to see her out of pain and discomfort. But she will live on in our memories, and we will remember her as a woman who always cared for us, loved us, and did her best to make sure we had everything we needed. Her legacy is the way her children, grandchildren, great, and great-great grandchildren live their lives.

Even though they will never read this, I can't help but appreciate the hospital staff who not only took excellent care of her during her final days, but also took care of the roomfull of family members. They snuck whatever food and drink they could into the room to tide us over until the cafeteria opened.
I especially thank "Lindsey", who is what every nurse should aspire to. She would come in every 20 minutes to see if there was anything she could get for us, and make sure mother was comfortable. You keep up the good work Lindsey. You are an example to the medical community.
I can't remember her name, but a big thanks also goes to the respiratory therapist. When we couldn't think with clear heads, she led us down the path that needed to be taken, giving us all the information in a clear and factual manner.
Most of all, I want to thank my wonderful wife. She had the courage to face reality and help us make important decisions when all we could do was worry. Even though she was as scared - as much and maybe even more than we were, we looked to her for guidance and support. She has been a nurse for years, and knew what needed to be done.

So it's all over now. Mother is buried in her old hometown in Wyoming, we are back in town, and life goes on, and the world keeps on a' turnin'.

Hey Everyone

Just a quick note to let you all know that my mother passed last evening so I will be out of touch for a few days.

Have a good and safe Labor Day weekend.