"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.
Friday, June 30, 2006
Q: How do you get a redhead to argue with you?
A: Say something
Q: How do you get a redhead’s mood to change?
A: Wait 10 seconds
If you love a Redhead, set her free …
If she follows you everywhere you go, pitches a tent in your front lawn and puts your new girlfriend in the hospital, she’s yours.
Q: What’s safer: a redhead or a piranha?
A: The piranha. They only attack in schools.
Q: What do you call a Redhead with an attitude?
Q: How do you know when a redhead has been using a computer?
A: There’s a hammer embedded in the monitor
Only two things are necessary to keep a redhead happy.
One is to let her think she is having her own way,
and the other is to let her have it.
Q: Why aren’t there any more redhead jokes?
A: Someone told them to a redhead.
Q: How do you know when you’ve satisfied a redhead?
A: She unties you.
Q: What is the difference between a redhead and a computer?
A: A redhead won’t accept a three and a half inch floppy.
Brunette after sex: "Oh that was great! Love you…wanna marry?"
Blonde after sex: "Next!"
Redhead after sex: "Better start chewing some VITAMINS, kid.
Ex-Mont. State athletes charged in slaying:Gotta love frontier justice.
AP - Fri Jun 30, 6:05 AM ET
BOZEMAN, Mont. - Two former Montana State University athletes were arrested and charged with murder Thursday in the shooting death of a suspected cocaine dealer whose body was found last week at the school's agronomy farm.
Some would say they were getting rid of one of those nasty pushers. Truth be told, they probably got ripped off on their own dealings.
Jail psychiatrist: Yates was psychotic :Never would have imagined that.
AP - Fri Jun 30, 5:40 AM ET
HOUSTON - The day after drowning her five children in the bathtub, Andrea Yates sat in a psychiatric unit at the county jail and asked for a razor to shave her head, a case worker testified.
Okla. ex-judge convicted in penis pump case:I thought those judicial benches were a little more discreet than that. I mean, is it that easy to look under the judge's desk?
BRISTOW, Okla. - A former judge could be sentenced to four years in prison after being convicted of exposing himself by using a sex gadget while he presided over trials.
1953 First Corvette produced
The first Chevrolet Corvette, a white convertible roadster with a red interior, was produced in temporary facilities in Flint, Michigan.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Uumm, yeah. Right.
Operation removes lightbulb from anus:
MULTAN, Pakistan (Reuters) - Fateh Mohammad, a prison inmate in Pakistan, says he woke up last weekend with a glass lightbulb in his anus.
Mohammad, who is serving a four-year sentence for making liquor, prohibited for Muslims, said he was shocked when he was first told the cause of his discomfort. He swears he didn't know the bulb was there.
Praise Allah for enlightening my soul.
Supreme Court rejects Guantanamo military tribunal:Geneva Conventions? What the hell are you talking about? In order for the Geneva Conventions to work, both sides have to play by the same rules.
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - In a major defeat for the Bush administration, the
U.S. Supreme Court ruled on Thursday that the military tribunal for a Guantanamo prisoner cannot proceed because it violates the Geneva Conventions.
Which, if you've been paying attention, our enemy is definitely not.
Oh, and by the way, who were they going to hold the tribunal for?:
Hamdan, who was Osama bin Laden's driver in Afghanistan.Yeah, he deserves the utmost respect and kindness.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
I heard John Kerry state on teevee last night in reference to flag burning:
Effort to outlaw flag burning fails in Senate
Tue Jun 27, 8:04 PM ET
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The U.S. Senate on Tuesday defeated by one vote an effort to change the Constitution to let Congress ban flag desecration, rejecting a politically charged issue backed by conservatives for the second time in a month.
"This is America. People have the right to be idiots."Well, Kerry knows better than anyone who is an idiot. But this time he's right.
I would just as soon shoot someone as look at them for burning the flag. I still believe that if you don't like it here, you can always leave. But if you stay, it's your responsibility to make the best of it. Work to change what isn't right. Don't fucking insult the rest of us who are proud of this country. Doing something stupid like this should at least, get you a good beating.
I found this interesting though. Something I didn't know. According to this site, Dubya could make it illegal if he wanted:
Flag Rules and Regulations
United States Code Title 4 Chapter 1 — The Flag[...]
§10. Modification of rules and customs by President
Any rule or custom pertaining to the display of the flag of the United States of America, set forth herein, may be altered, modified, or repealed, or additional rules with respect thereto may be prescribed, by the Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces of the United States, whenever he deems it to be appropriate or desirable; and any such alteration or additional rule shall be set forth in a proclamation
Clintons good for a conservative business:I'm surprised that liberal rag printed this story.
Las Vegas SUN
On his Web site, 0cents.com (that's a zero, not an 'O') and at conservative gatherings, McDonald sells T-shirts, stamps, coffee mugs and the like depicting, for instance, a drawing of the Earth and the slogan: 'Earth First. We'll mine & log the others later.'
Another has a picture of the classic Uncle Sam image, with the words, 'Liberals! I want YOU to move to Canada!'
Go check out his web site. Some good stuff there from a homey. A mouse pad for instance:
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Here is the patch that you can sew on your clothing if you are in need of quicker emergency service.
Chewing tobacco in noodles sickens 30:Makes me hungry for some chow mein.
AP - Mon Jun 26, 5:06 PM ET
PHNOM PENH, Cambodia - Thirty Cambodians suffered food poisoning after eating homemade noodles contaminated with chewing tobacco that had dropped into the batter from the cook's mouth, police said Monday.
Secondhand smoke kills too:Doesn't say anything about your neighbors' plants producing dangerous pollen, or that nasty smelling perfume the bitch down the hall is wearing that makes me want to fucking puke though. I guess those are okay.
Surgeon-General 1 hour, 14 minutes ago
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Secondhand smoke clearly kills people and the only way to control it is to ban all smoking in workplaces, U.S. Surgeon-General Dr. Richard Carmona said on Tuesday.
"Children exposed to secondhand smoke are at an increased risk for sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), acute respiratory infections, ear problems and more severe asthma,"Ahh. That explains it. It's for "The Children".
Anti-smoking activists were delighted.Well duh! I'm sure they all creamed their jeans over this announcement.
"And it's a major contributing factor in global warming."That point wasn't mentioned, but I'm sure if Carmona could have figured out a way to squeeze it in there, he would have.
Fucking nannies. You have a right to not patronize establishments where smoking is allowed. Exercise your right. But don't tell me I have to do the same.
He better hurry up and do it though. They said on the radio station that the water bottle he took with him is about empty, and it's starting to get quite warm out there.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Man Allegedly Hits Boy On Bike, Yells At Him To Get Off TrunkDamn kids. Always where they shouldn't be.
6:25 p.m. EDT June 23, 2006
SOUTH HUNTINGDON TOWNSHIP, Pa. - Police charged a 21-year-old with hit-and-run after he allegedly hit a 15-year-old boy, yelled at him and drove off. The victim, Sean Cossell, is a sophomore at Yough High School.
Homeland Security panel boss urges criminal charges against newspapers:I totally agree.
"We're at war, and for the Times to release information about secret operations and methods is treasonous,' King told The Associated Press."
I think they should be prosecuted for treason. They're divulging secret information, all for their own gain. If that's not treason, what is?
Friday, June 23, 2006
[...]Go read the rest. It's well worth it.
3. Tortured, decapitated, eviscerated, mutilated to the point of having to resort to DNA analysis to make a positive ID… sort of puts that whole panties on the head, dog-leash, kinky humiliation games, locked up in Guantanamo and having your Koran flushed in the crapper into a whole ‘nother perspective, doesn’t it? Reminds you of what you were all about, once upon a time? Maybe? Just a teensy bit?
Well, what are you waiting for?
If you must, or if you already did and wish to clear your head, watch this one next.
Power supply switched on.
The power supply performs a self-test. When all voltages and current levels are acceptable, the supply indicates that the power is stable and sends the Power Good signal to the processor. The time from switch-on to Power Good is usually between .1 and .5 seconds
| || |
| || |
The microprocessor timer chip receives the Power Good signal.
With the arrival of the Power Good signal the timer chip stops sending reset signals to the processor allowing the CPU to begin operations.
Go read the rest. I dare you.
Drivers take hit over pot smoking - 06/23/06 - The Detroit News Online:What bullshit this is.
In a 4-3 vote, the court ruled that motorists can be prosecuted for driving under the influence of drugs if they test positive for any trace of marijuana, including a metabolized remnant that experts say can stay in a person's system for weeks after the smoke.
'They are automatically guilty even though they are no longer impaired by it,' said Tim Beck, executive director of the Michigan chapter of the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws, which wants the drug legalized, taxed and regulated for adult use as alcohol is. 'It's not based on common sense or justice.'
I don't do weed, but the fact that any trace whatsoever of any chemical in one's system can be used as grounds for a conviction is just totally stupid. Let's I had a cold last Tuesday and took some Nyquil. Using their logic, I could be convicted of a DUI on Thursday!
State of emergency declared in Baghdad:After all, there is a war going on over there.
AP - 1 hour, 41 minutes ago
BAGHDAD, Iraq - The Iraqi government declared a state of emergency and imposed a curfew Friday after insurgents set up roadblocks in central Baghdad and opened fire on U.S. and Iraqi troops outside the heavily fortified Green Zone.
Mobile phone users warned of lightning strike risk:First of all, you probably shouldn't be out there in the first place. But if you need to be told, you deserve to be be struck by lightning.
1 hour, 58 minutes ago
LONDON (Reuters) - People should not use mobile phones outdoors during thunderstorms because of the risk of being struck by lightning, doctors said on Friday.
Saddam ends hunger strike after missing one meal :Such stamina. Such a display of fortitude.
2 hours, 55 minutes ago
BAGHDAD (Reuters) - Saddam Hussein ended a brief hunger strike after missing just one meal in his U.S.-run prison, a U.S. military spokesman said Friday.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Military has found 500 chemical munitions shells in Iraq (Video added)Scroll down a bit and you can watch the video.
Why do I mention this? Because there's a Tom Petty song playing on XM right now, which I think really sucks. Mainly because obviously, it was produced by Jeff Lynn.
I never liked E.L.O. that much, mostly because of what I'll call a 'dry' beat they had in all their songs. After they became a thing of the past, Lynn somehow convinced the powers that be he was a good producer.
Here's a couple of examples. First, The Traveling Wilburys, who's "Handle Me With Care" had that same droll snare beat.
Then we had the so-called lost Beatles tapes released, in which one of the songs was "Free As A Bird". Same boring, snare tapping beat.
I think they all would have done better and made more money had they hired a producer with a broader scope of instrumentation and richer sound quality.
But what do I know? I'm only a consumer, not a producer.
N.Y. to sue Exxon Mobil over oil spill:
AP - Wed Jun 21, 11:13 PM ET
NEW YORK - Exxon Mobil Corp. faces another lawsuit over a massive underground oil spill in Brooklyn that is still seeping sticky goo into a city waterway, decades after the leak was first noticed.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
We lived in a tri-level house which had a good sized basement, and in this basement was a wood-burning stove - about twice the size of a "Ben Franklin" potbelly.
Now during the winter, part of my daily routine was to come home from work and light a fire in the stove. The basement is where we spent most of our at-home time, as that's where the family room was. By the time dinner was over with and settling in time rolled around, it would be nice and toasty down there and there is where we would remain pretty much until bed time.
One day after work, I came home and was going about my rourine of bringing in a couple armloads of wood, and getting ready to light the fire. I opened the front door of the stove, and in a great poof of soot, a squeal like the devil himself had stepped on a rusty nail, and wings flapping hard enough to propel a creature somewhere between warp 6 and warp 7, out came what I could have sworn to be a banshee. In reality though, it was a bird no larger than a bat.
Evidently this varmint had flown (or fallen) down the chimney and spent a good portion of the day in the ashy, sooty firebox. The inside of which was quite evenly and thickly coated, from the bird flapping around in there trying to escape. Which upon my arrival, had facilitated quite well.
So now, I have this panic stricken bird flying around the house, not wanting anything to do with me. I'm trying to figure out a way to rid our humble abode of the evil demon, when I decide the only thing I can hope for is to corral it with my waving arms and drive it upstairs where I can chase it out a door.
Finally, after going around in circles in the basement a few times, I am finally able herd this bird up the stairs. Well, I had a good idea, but the bird just wouldn't cooperate. Now the bird is flying around the middle story of the tri-level and so am I - with my arms outstretched trying to chase it.
The next thing I know, the bird has spotted its escape path, which is a sliding glass door going to the patio. Of course, I didn't have the door open yet, but the bird didn't seem to care. I'm sure he had thoughts of freedom, dinner at home in the nest with the wife and chicks, but no. The glass had other ideas.
The reverberation from the glass seemed to go on for like, 10 seconds, but I know it wasn't near that long. The perfectly detailed splattering of soot on the glass was impressive though. You could see the shape of the feathers, its eyeball, the beak, even it's tiny little legs were perfectly slik screened onto the glass.
Of course, the bird was laying on the floor, knocked out cold. After picking it up to look it over, it fit nicely in the palm of my hand. I was deciding whether to toss it into the garbage in the house or the one outside, when next thing I knew, it started coming around!
First, one eye. Then the other. Then it raised its head. The rest came a little slower though. I'm sure it was waiting for the stars to clear and 200 decibel drumming to stop before it tried to go anywhere. So, I stepped outside so if it decided to make a break for it, it wouldn't try to pass through the invisible shield again.
It's totally amazing that thing came around at all, but I'm guessing that in about two minutes time, it had fully recouperated - at least on the outside - and had flown off from my hand while I was standing out there on the patio.
So I left the print on the glass for Mrs. Curmudgeon to see when she got home, and went about my business of lighting the evening fire. But believe this: I opened that stove door ever so slowly every single time after that.
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course.
One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."
The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
Scaled-down design for 9/11 memorial shown:Would you people just start building something and get it the fuck done?
AP - Tue Jun 20, 9:37 PM ET
NEW YORK - A somewhat scaled-down design for the Sept. 11 memorial that retains the central elements of the original — including reflecting pools and the inscribed names of the victims — was unveiled Tuesday after the project was sent back to the drawing board because the cost was pushing $1 billion.
By the time you decide who's going to make money of this project, it will be so passe no one will even give a shit about it any more.
If you've a mind, go over and read some rantings of a raving lunatic.
You'll have to scroll down past the introduction before the real meat starts. Be warned, it is a veeeeeeerrrrrrrryyyyy long post. I read a few 'graphs before I had to stop because my eyes were watering, my tummy was hurting, and coffee was running down the monitor and keyboard.
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Gee. Do ya think they want my business?
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Girl, 14, sues MySpace.com alleging assault:What a little twit. Of course, it's always someone else's fault that either her or her parents weren't paying attention and let this sort of shit happen.
AP - Mon Jun 19, 9:19 PM ET
AUSTIN, Texas - A 14-year-old girl who says she was sexually assaulted by another user of MySpace.com sued the social networking Web site Monday, claiming it does not take sufficient steps to protect underage members.
They just want to make some money to take a nice vacation on.
Iraq Qaeda leader killed two US soldiers:Let's send him to meet his virgins now too.
23 minutes ago
DUBAI (Reuters) - The new leader of al Qaeda in Iraq 'slit the throats' of two U.S. soldiers whose bodies were found near Baghdad, according to a statement posted on the Internet on Tuesday.
The bodies of two missing U.S. soldiers showed signs of "barbaric torture" when they were found by American and Iraqi troops on Monday, a senior Iraqi general told Reuters.
Monday, June 19, 2006
A train hits a busload of Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates, and St. Peter asks the
first girl, "Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?"
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger."
St. Peter says, "Ok, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate."
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?"
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well, once I fondled and stroked one."
St Peter says, "OK, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate."
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line.
When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says, Lisa! What seems to be the rush?"
The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it."
Friday, June 16, 2006
From On the Patio:
Wives, girlfriends, ex-wives, ex-girlfriends...On Father's Day this year, give your man/ex-man, what he really wants! Give him a blow-job! Don't make him take you to dinner first! Don't make him wait until your goddam nails are dry! Blow the man now! It's his fucking day! YOU got your candy, diamonds, flowers, dinner, etc., on your day! Just take 10 minutes and and give a gift he will remember way longer than that fucking pair of cufflinks he'll never use. Don't give him what you want him to have...for gawds-sake...give him what he wants!And your guy doesn't necessarily have to be a father. (That you know of.) Just do it for him anyway.
CTCentral - News from the Associated Press:Get that? 60% of the house, and 94% of the senate believe we need to finish the job we started.
WASHINGTON (AP) -- The House on Friday handily rejected a timetable for pulling U.S. forces out of Iraq, culminating a fiercely partisan debate between Republicans and Democrats feeling the public's apprehension about war and the onrushing midterm campaign season.
In a 256-153 vote that mirrored the position taken by the Senate earlier, the GOP-led House approved a nonbinding resolution that praises U.S. troops, labels the Iraq war part of the larger global fight against terrorism and says an "arbitrary date for the withdrawal or redeployment" of troops is not in the national interest.The House vote comes one day after the Senate soundly rejected a call to withdraw combat troops by year's end by shelving a proposal that would allow 'only forces that are critical to completing the mission of standing up Iraqi security forces' to remain in Iraq in 2007.
That vote was 93-6, but Democrats assailed the GOP maneuver that led to the vote as political gamesmanship and promised further debate next week on a proposal to start redeploying troops this year.
Evidently, our elected officials believe more in sticking around and getting the job done more than the noisemakers on the left would lead you to believe.
"Six Democrats, including Kerry, were in the minority."Go figger.
Cleric calls on Bush to convert to Islam:Funny guy.
Militant cleric Abu Bakar Bashir also called on Bush and Prime Minister John Howard to convert to Islam, saying it was 'the only way to save their souls.'
Bashir, who has never been linked to the preparation or commission of terrorist attacks, was asked Thursday about families still suffering from the Bali blasts.
He said the attacks "were God's will" and that survivors should "convert to Islam" if they wanted to ease their suffering.
He had the same message for Bush and Howard.
Bashir called Bush an "infidel," and said he was happy the American people were starting to realize their president had made a mistake when he decided to wage war on Muslims. He did not elaborate, but was apparently referring to sliding opinion polls.
See, that is the sort of people we are dealing with. People who believe in killing anyone who doesn't have the same beliefs as they do. 'I'm right and everyone else is wrong." Religion of peace, my ass.
Bush haters couldn't make them happier. Thinking that by just leaving Iraq, we will have no more trouble from Islamocrazies.
I have a little insight for you. Bali ain't all that close to the middle east. This shit can happen anywhere on the planet. And the more we stop it now, the less we'll have to try and stop it later.
Mexican border towns fear U.S. crackdown:So uh, what's the deal here - am I supposed to feel sorry for these people? Don't count on it.
NOGALES, Mexico - Patricia Lopez's journey toward a better life in the United States ended with a nighttime robbery, a twisted ankle and a Border Patrol escort to the frontier — where she was dumped at dawn without a peso in her pocket, 1,575 miles from home.
She's far from alone: Nearly 1 million people, many of them penniless, were turned back across the border last year, and analysts fear that tougher new U.S. border enforcement will inundate border towns with the desperate and the destitute.
Migrant shelter directors are scrambling for funds and considering hiring more staff to keep their doors open 24 hours a day in anticipation of a record number of migrants being repatriated.
If the borter patrol would have shot them instead of just picking them up, their worries would have been over.
Bleeding heart liberal media. What a bunch of assholes.
Quebec to tax carbon to finance Kyoto goals:Bwah! You Canuks bought into that shit, and now you will pay. And pay, and pay,...
Reuters - 2 hours, 14 minutes ago
TORONTO (Reuters) - Canada's French-speaking province of Quebec plans to levy a tax on oil and gas companies to help finance its efforts to reduce greenhouse gas emissions and meet targets set by the Kyoto Accord.
More taxes and more regulations. That's the way to git 'er done.
A new face at the top of al-Qaida in Iraq :Just what we need over there. An actual trained splody-dope.
AP - Fri Jun 16, 6:44 AM ET
BAGHDAD, Iraq - An Egyptian explosives expert who trained with Abu Musab al-Zarqawi in Osama bin Laden's camps in Afghanistan is the new face of al-Qaida in Iraq, the U.S. military says.
Maybe we should leave all of our bombs there, send everyone home, and just let them blow themselves off the fucking map.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Nick over at "Bartender! Another round...:" says:
[...]Now go read the rest of the 'New Rules for the New Millenium'.
New Rule ..6: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a wholeaisle of this crap at the supermarket... water, but without that waterytaste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You wantflavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That should be yourflavored water.
Mom, dad in court over son's circumcision:Here's a thought mom. Until you teach your son how to bathe properly, you probably need to wash his pee-pee for him properly.
'The child is absolutely healthy,' the father said during a break in a court hearing on the matter Wednesday. 'I do not want any doctor to butcher my son.'
The mother testified that her son has had five bouts of painful inflammation and has begged her to help him. Her son cannot wear underwear or jeans during the bouts and is comfortable only in loose-fitting pajamas, she said.
'My child was in the bathroom crying. He asked me to come in because his penis did not look normal,' she said, describing one of the episodes.
As for dad, what's the big deal? If it helps the kid, then quit fucking whining about it.
But takinging it to court? Good gawd. I wish I had extra money like some of these people do.
Guns N' Roses song played in murder trial as prosecutors try to prove a husband killed his wife:I think every man has thought of those lyrics once or twice and turned the corners of their mouth up a little at the idea.
'I used to love her, but I had to kill her/ I had to put her/ Six feet under/ And I can still hear her complain,' the song began.
As Guns N' Roses frontman Axl Rose sang, jurors followed along with lyrics displayed on an easel in front of the jury box.
When Rose sang the second verse, 'I knew I'd miss her/ So I had to keep her/ She's buried right in my backyard,' April Barber's aunt dabbed her eyes with a tissue and stared across the court at Barber, who was writing on a legal pad.
Sweep nets nearly 2,100 illegal immigrants :Keep it up.
AP - Thu Jun 15, 6:47 AM ET
BOSTON - A blitz by federal agents during the last three weeks captured nearly 2,100 illegal immigrants across the country in raids targeting child molesters, violent gang members and past deportees who re-entered the country.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
UNIVAC COMPUTER DEDICATED:It began here, then Gore hooked them all together.
June 14, 1951
On June 14, 1951, the U.S. Census Bureau dedicates UNIVAC, the world's first commercially produced electronic digital computer. UNIVAC, which stood for Universal Automatic Computer, was developed by J. Presper Eckert and John Mauchly, makers of ENIAC, the first general-purpose electronic digital computer. These giant computers, which used thousands of vacuum tubes for computation, were the forerunners of today's digital computers.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
U.S. court tosses lawsuit over "In God We Trust":So use your debit card or write checks then you whiney piece of shit.
Mon Jun 12, 8:23 PM ET
SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - A U.S. district court judge on Monday dismissed a lawsuit brought by a California atheist against the U.S. government for its use of the phrase 'In God We Trust' on its coins and currency.
Michael Newdow, the Sacramento, California lawyer and doctor who had previously launched a court challenge on behalf of his daughter over the phrase 'under God' in the Pledge of Allegiance said in schools, had argued that 'In God We Trust' on monetary instruments violates his rights.
Better yet, move to another country.
How Flies Walk on Ceilings :Hillary does it all the time. We could have asked her how she does it.
SPACE.com / LiveScience.com - Tue Jun 13, 9:00 AM ET Avg. Rating: 5.0
Walking upside-down requires a careful balance of adhesion and weight, and specialized trekking tools to combat the constant tug of gravity.
Retired judge goes to trial on charges that he masturbated in open court :There's a good reason for those robes.
CourtTV - Mon Jun 12, 5:49 PM ET
A retired Oklahoma judge once considered a 'pillar' of his community will fight to regain his reputation next week against accusations that he masturbated and exposed himself on the bench while presiding over four trials.
Group sues KFC to stop use of unhealthy fat:Here's a thought: You don't like they way they do things? Don't fucking eat there. There are other places you can get your fast food.
20 minutes ago
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A U.S. consumer group sued the operator of the KFC fried chicken restaurant chain on Tuesday to try and force it to stop it from frying foods in an artery-clogging fat.
In fact, I've got a better idea: Cook a meal at home once in a while, dumbass.
US insists on right to develop arms for outer space:[Emphasis mine]
2 hours, 30 minutes ago
GENEVA (Reuters) - The United States on Tuesday reasserted its right to develop weapons for use in outer space to protect its military and commercial satellites and ruled out any global negotiations on a new treaty to limit them.
It's not like we really ever abandoned 'Star Wars', it just sort of went quiet there for a while.
But Ithink one of the important things about this story is the bolded part.
The way I translate, it says "Fuck the U.N.".
Water and Booze Education
WATER...... It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli bacteria found in feces, in other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of shit.
However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine, beer, rum, whiskey or other liquors because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.
Water = SHIT
Booze = HEALTH
Free yourself of shit, drink booze!!!
It is better to drink wine and talk shit than to drink water and be full of shit.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I am doing it as a public service.
Have a nice day...
Monday, June 12, 2006
San Diego border agent arrested in raid :I think he should get shot for treason.
AP - Fri Jun 9, 12:13 AM ET
SAN DIEGO - A border inspector accused of accepting cash and a luxury vehicle from smugglers driving carloads of illegal immigrants through border crossings was arrested Thursday.
We're at war, he's letting illegals in. For all we know, he let 10 terrorist 'cells' in too.
I'm guessing he'll cut a deal and get maybe five years for smuggling or some shit.
Robber sues victims after they beat him:See? That's why it would have been better to just shoot him.
AP - Mon Jun 12, 7:58 AM ET
ROCHESTER, N.Y. - A man is suing an auto-parts store for assault and battery after he attempted to hold up the business and employees responded by beating him with a metal pipe.
GM steps up exports from India:I didn't even know there was a GM plant in India.
AHMEDABAD, India (Reuters) - General Motors Corp. (NYSE:GM - news) is stepping up exports from its plant in the western state of Gujarat as its increased capacity comes into use, a senior company official said on Monday.
Tough competition for the used camel lot.
Militant chosen to succeed al-Zarqawi:Cool. Looks like we have a brand new target since we blew al-Zarqawi's lungs out.
(AP Photo/Khalid Mohammed)
CAIRO, Egypt - Al-Qaida in Iraq said in a Web statement posted Monday that a militant named Abu Hamza al-Muhajer was the group's new leader.
However, we done gone and put a bee in Castro's bonnet:
Castro: al-Zarqawi killing a 'barbarity'Yeah, we know how well that's working for Sadaam.
AP - Sat Jun 10, 10:51 PM ET
HAVANA - President Fidel Castro called the U.S. airstrike that killed Abu Musab al-Zarqawi a "barbarity," saying he should have been put on trial.
Friday, June 09, 2006
Police: Woman hits breeder with Chihuahua :Oh, the visuals I get with that one...
AP - Thu Jun 8, 11:01 PM ET
ST. PETERS, Mo. - A woman angry that her new puppy had died pushed her way into a dog breeder's home and repeatedly hit her on the head with the dead Chihuahua, authorities said.
KISS Rocks On With New Fragrance and Coffeehouse:I can hardly wait.
Fashion Wire Daily - Thu Jun 8, 4:24 PM ET Sent 493 times
Fashion Wire Daily - New York - Ever wonder what Gene Simmons' sweat smells like? Us, neither. But all those diehard KISS fans out there - you know who you are - may soon get a chance to sample the sweet smell of rock excess when KISS releases their first-ever his-and-hers fragrance line this October.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
PERILS OF PARISBummer. Oh well.
Excite - Celebrity Gossip - New York Post:
PARIS Hilton wrecks lives. Just ask Robert 'Millsy' Mills, an Australian 'American Idol' contestant who had a one-night stand with the bed-hopping heiress in Sydney three years ago. He was snapped by paparazzi standing on her balcony the next morning and has been so ridiculed about it that he's fled the country in embarrassment to hide out in Thailand. 'People just refer to him as the guy who had the romance with Paris Hilton - but he just wishes it had never happened,' says his mom, Bronwyn, who's worried her son's recording career has stalled.
She's so worn out about now it's got to be like fucking a wet dishrag.
- Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
- Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
- It's your god. They're your rules. *You* go to hell.
- War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
- Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
- If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?
- If you think things can't get worse it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.
- I once prayed to god for a bike, but quickly found out he didnt work that way...so I stole a bike and prayed for his forgiveness
- You can't be late until you show up.
- A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station...
Dixie Chicks tour struggling in several marketsGlad to hear it.
Reuters - Wed Jun 7, 7:07 PM ET
NASHVILLE (Billboard) - Initial ticket sales for the Dixie Chicks' upcoming tour are far below expectations and several dates will likely be canceled or postoned.
Not only do I hate country music, but those anit-American bitches are, well, bitches anyway.
Wendy's plans to use healthier cooking oil :Come on now. Stop it.
AP - Thu Jun 8, 8:27 AM ET Sent 440 times
COLUMBUS, Ohio - Wendy's International Inc. said Thursday it will begin frying french fries and breaded chicken items with non-hydrogenated oil, continuing a shift to offer healthier menu choices.
What's a couple more grams of poison after you've already eaten one of those double cheeseburgers?
US air strike kills al Qaeda's Zarqawi:Good. Got one more moron out of the way.
BAGHDAD (Reuters) - U.S. warplanes killed Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the al Qaeda leader in Iraq blamed for bombings, beheadings and assassinations, and President George W. Bush said on Thursday that American forces had 'delivered justice.'
In one of the most significant developments in Iraq since the capture of
Saddam Hussein in 2003, Jordanian Zarqawi was killed in a bombing raid on Wednesday in a U-S.-Iraqi operation helped by tip-offs from Iraqis and Jordanian intelligence.
Of course, it probably only served to make him a martyr, but maybe we can do the old "Strike while the iron's hot" thing.
They're going to have to do a little regrouping now, so we need to keep at it.
Interesting thing I noticed though. The part about "tip-offs from Iraqis and Jordanian intelligence". Sorta shoots a hole in the theory that ALL Iraqi's want us the hell out of there.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Many teenage girls feel pressured into sex: study :I'm happy to say I did my share of pressuring when I was a teenager too.
Reuters - Tue Jun 6, 11:40 AM ET Sent 123 times
NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Teenage girls commonly have sex not because they want to, but because they feel pressured into it - and the result may be a higher risk of sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy, a new study suggests.
Seagull is hit by pitch:Now that would have been a sight.
AP - Wed Jun 7, 9:08 AM ET Sent 200 times
BUFFALO, N.Y. - Seagulls shouldn't fly between Bisons and Bulls. One of the birds found that out during last Sunday's Triple-A minor league game between the Buffalo Bisons and the Durham Bulls. The Bisons were batting in the bottom of the eleventh when a seagull flew between the pitcher's mound and home plate just as Durham's pitcher released the ball.
Gay marriage amendment fails in Senate:My question, is why the hell is this even an issue in the senate? A constitutional ammendment for a civil issue such as this?
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A constitutional ban on same-sex marriage failed to pass the Senate on Wednesday but Republican leaders planned to take it up in the House, keeping a national spotlight on the divisive issue.
I would much rather those people spend time worrying about say, too many taxes, spending, deficits, too many laws, terrorists, illegal alieans, education, ... that sort of shit rather than who gets married for fuck's sake.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
[...]I had to hold my tummy on that one.
Which happens sometimes when you compose posts directly after emerging from large paper Safeway bags, having just spent fifteen minutes of quality time with a tube of airplane glue.
I'm not superstitious [beast]. It sure is fun though [lucifer], to hear all the weird shit [satan] people are coming up with [devil]. I wonder how [beast] many kids born today [demon] will be named "Damien" or "Lucius"?
I'm sure Bush is going to cause a plague, a famine, or some more global warming today. We're all doomed.
Monday, June 05, 2006
Click here if you want to see stitches.
If you look close, you can see the portion of the tube going from the tear duct in my upper eyelid, through the tear duct in the lower eyelid. From there it goes down to my sinus cavity and into my nose.
A very unattractive, mean woman walks into Walmart with her two kids.
The Walmart Greeter, asks "Are they twins"?
The ugly woman says "No, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. "Why?........ Do you think they really look alike?"
"No", replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice"!
Friday, June 02, 2006
Australian charged after baby placed in dryer:Good gawd. I mean, it's okay for kittens, but a baby is just too big.
Wed May 31, 11:50 AM EST
A 21-year-old Australian man has been arrested after police say he put his girlfriend's baby into a clothes dryer.
Det. Sr. Const. Deb Newman said the 14-month-old girl was left inside the machine for about two minutes.
cbs13.com - Justices: DUI Suspects Can Run But Can't Hide:This is just so wrong. Kick the fucking door down for a "suspected" drunk driver.
(AP) SAN FRANCISCO Police may enter Californians' homes without warrants to arrest those suspected of driving under the influence, the California Supreme Court ruled Thursday in a case testing the scope of the Fourth Amendment right to be free from unreasonable searches and seizures.
I would think they need a little stronger evidence than that.
Besides, the person is already off the street. No longer endagering anyone, leave them the hell alone!
Oasis beats Beatles in best album pollWell, I'm guessing it was a younger generation voting than what would have voted for the Beatles albums, so this is a real shocker.
AFP - Thu Jun 1, 6:52 AM ET Sent 144 times
LONDON (AFP) - The debut album by Oasis, the band that best spread the Britpop craze of the 1990s, has been voted the greatest album of all time in a major music poll published.
Virginity pledgers often dishonest about past:I'm shocked. Shocked I tell you.
Reuters - Thu Jun 1, 4:19 PM ET Sent 146 times
NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Teenagers who take pledges to remain virgins until marriage are likely to deny having taken the pledge if they later become sexually active. Conversely, those who were sexual active before taking the pledge frequency deny their sexual history, according to new study findings.
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Thursday, June 01, 2006
Naturally, the guys all agreed. Smiling, the blonde thanked them and said, "Look, fellows, I work in a topless bar as a dancer, so nothing shocks me anymore. If any of you wants to smoke cigars, have a beer, bet, swear or tell off-color stories or do Anything that you normally do when playing a round together, go ahead. But I enjoy playing golf, consider myself pretty good at it, so don't try to coach me on how to play my shots."
With that, the guys agreed to relax and invited her to drive first. All eyes were fastened on her shapely behind as she bent to place her ball on the tee. She then took her driver and hit the ball 270 yards down the middle, right in front of the green.
The father's mouth was agape. "That was beautiful," he said.
The blonde put her driver away and said, "I really didn't get into it and I have faded it a little."
After the three guys hit their drives and their second shots, the blonde took out a nine iron and lofted the ball within five feet of the hole. (She was closest to the pin.)
The son said, "Damn, lady, you played that perfectly."
The blonde frowned and said, "It was a little weak. I've left a tricky little putt," before tapping in the five-footer for a birdie.
Having the honors, she drove first on the second hole and knocked the hell out of the ball, and it landed nearly 300 yards away, smack in the middle of the fairway. For the rest of the round the statuesque blonde continued to amaze the guys, quietly and methodically shooting for par or less on every hole. When they arrived at the 18th green, the blonde was three under par and has a very nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green for a par.
She turned to the three guys and said, "I really want to thank you all for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling me what club to use or how to play a shot, but I need this putt for a 69 and I'd really like to break 70 on this course. If any one of you can tell me how to make par on this hole, I'll take him back to my apartment, pour some 25-year old Royal Salute Scotch in him, fix him dinner and then show him a good time the rest of the night."
The yuppie son jumped at the thought. He strolled across the green, carefully eying the line of the putt and finally said, "Honey, aim about 6 inches to the right of the hole and hit it firm. It will get over that little hump and break right into the cup."
The father knelt down and sighted the putt using his putter as a plumb. "Don't listen to the kid, darlin', you want to hit it softly 10 inches to the right and run it left down that little hogback, so it falls into the cup."
The old gray haired grandfather walked over to the blonde's ball, picked it up and handed it to the her and said, "That's a gimme, sweetheart......... Your place or mine?"
Army Corps: La. levees were poorly built:Bullshit. Bush was there knocking them down long before Katrina got there.
By CAIN BURDEAU, Associated Press Writer 1 hour, 12 minutes ago
NEW ORLEANS - Louisiana's hurricane protection system was overwhelmed by Katrina because it was built disjointedly using outdated data, according to an Army Corps of Engineers report released Thursday.
"The system did not perform as a system,' according to the report, released on the first day of the 2006 Atlantic hurricane season. 'The hurricane protection in New Orleans and Southeast Louisiana was a system in name only.'"
Yup. I-I'm p-p-preggers! Ima b-be mommmy now. Ja fukkin b[uuurp] believe 't?
Thatnnn summmabitch tole me-mmmm he tole me he ha-hadona guddam rub[uuurp]rubber! Christ! Whutha fff-fffuck I needa [urp] nuther goddam k-k-k-kid like I needa boobie job. HAHAHAHAHA [uuuurp] 'scuse me.
Michael Moore Sued by Iraq War Vet:Good! Glad to hear it.
By Natalie Finn Thu Jun 1, 8:26 AM ET
It seems as if the fallout caused by Fahrenheit 9/11 will never die down.
A Massachusetts national guardsman filed an $85 million lawsuit against
Michael Moore in Suffolk Superior Court last week, accusing the filmmaker of distorting a TV interview to portray the soldier as anti-war in his scathing 2004 documentary about the Bush administration post-Sept. 11, 2001.
Sgt. Peter Damon, 33, has stated that Moore didn't have his permission to use pieces of the on-camera interview he gave in 2003 to an NBC Nightly News correspondent at Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington D.C. Damon's appearance in Fahrenheit 9/11 resulted in a 'loss of reputation, emotional distress, embarrassment, and personal humiliation' for him, court documents state.
85 million ain't enough though. The movie made a lot more than that.
But best of luck. I hope that fat fuck gets his ass handed to him on a platter. Provided there's a platter that large.
Batwoman is back as a lesbian:Is it imperitive we have a token fag in every goddamn facet of our lives these days? Some unwritten code that states there must be a queer in every form of entertainment?
AP - Wed May 31, 6:12 PM ET Sent 1,568 times
NEW YORK - Years after she first emerged from the Batcave, Batwoman is coming out of the closet. DC Comics is resurrecting the classic comic book character as a lesbian, unveiling the new Batwoman in July as part of an ongoing weekly series that began this year.
Next thing you know, Superman will be sucking Batman's cock.