"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Ask The Curmudgeon

DEAR CURMUDGEON: I am a young, bisexual, Catholic woman in a heterosexual relationship. However, I have never been particularly attracted to men. I don't want to have sex before marriage, but I'm terrified I'll get married and only then find out that I am not at all sexually interested in my husband. Is there any way to preserve my virginity and also experiment with the different elements of my sexuality?

--- TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT
Dear dumbshit. So you're a slut at heart, but just ain't fucked no one yet. Well bully for you.

You think you may want the sweet taste of pussy, or maybe take on a throbbing cock, or maybe even both but don't know which or whose? What's the problem? Go to the grocery store and buy yourself a fresh trout, spread it open and start licking. See if you like it. Then go buy yourself a dildo and a box of batteries, poke that around a while - not too far now, don't want to pop the cherry - and see if you like that any better.

Hey! I know! Rub the trout on the dildo, suck on that a bit, and get the best of both worlds! Get the taste of some real second-hand action!

Fucking moron. I can't believe some of the stupid questions people want me to answer.


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3 comments:

country roads said...

She should bring her girlfriend over and I'll try 'em both out. We'll play the "Just The Tip, I Promise" game. It's a win/win!

Mark said...

She's bisexual but has never had sex?

Catholicism is confusing.

curmudgeon said...

C.R.,
Works for me!

Mark,
Made me wonder too.
Maybe she's not really a catholic either? Hmmm...