"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Ask The Curmudgeon

DEAR CURMUDGEON: I am a young, bisexual, Catholic woman in a heterosexual relationship. However, I have never been particularly attracted to men. I don't want to have sex before marriage, but I'm terrified I'll get married and only then find out that I am not at all sexually interested in my husband. Is there any way to preserve my virginity and also experiment with the different elements of my sexuality?

Dear dumbshit. So you're a slut at heart, but just ain't fucked no one yet. Well bully for you.

You think you may want the sweet taste of pussy, or maybe take on a throbbing cock, or maybe even both but don't know which or whose? What's the problem? Go to the grocery store and buy yourself a fresh trout, spread it open and start licking. See if you like it. Then go buy yourself a dildo and a box of batteries, poke that around a while - not too far now, don't want to pop the cherry - and see if you like that any better.

Hey! I know! Rub the trout on the dildo, suck on that a bit, and get the best of both worlds! Get the taste of some real second-hand action!

Fucking moron. I can't believe some of the stupid questions people want me to answer.



country roads said...

She should bring her girlfriend over and I'll try 'em both out. We'll play the "Just The Tip, I Promise" game. It's a win/win!

Mark said...

She's bisexual but has never had sex?

Catholicism is confusing.

curmudgeon said...

Works for me!

Made me wonder too.
Maybe she's not really a catholic either? Hmmm...