"Vulcan!"Hey! How did you know I was a trekkie?
STEIN: I want -- I'm glad you brought up this Denver thing. I don't like the idea of Senator Obama giving his acceptance speech in front of 75,000 wildly cheering people. That is not the way we do things in political parties in the United States of America. We have a contained number of people in an arena. Seventy-five-thousand people at an outdoor sports palace, well, that's something the Fuehrer would have done. And I think whoever is advising Senator Obama to do this is bringing up all kinds of very unfortunate images from the past.
Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother,
"Frank Brown showed me his willy today!"
Before the mother could flip a cookie, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut!"
Relaxing a little, with a hidden smile, Sally's Mum asked, "Really small was it?"
Sally replied, "No...salty!"
Va. executes killer who challenged injectionsThat oughtta shut 'im up.
Thu Jul 24, 11:28 PM ET
JARRATT, Va. - A killer who argued Virginia's procedures for lethal injection were unconstitutional was executed Thursday after a federal appeals court upheld the primary method of capital punishment in the nation's second-busiest death chamber.
Flooding feared along U.S.-Mexico border from DollyMake the Rio Grande a bit wider and faster? Works for me.
Thu Jul 24, 6:17 PM ET
BROWNSVILLE, Texas (Reuters) - Hurricane Dolly, which lashed the U.S.-Mexico coastline, weakened to a tropical depression on Thursday over South Texas, but concern remained over flooding along the populous Rio Grande Valley.
Traffic deaths fall as gas prices climbWell, duh. Less cars on the road means less people driving like fucking morons and bumping into each other. It must have taken a fucking rocket surgeon to figger that one out!
Tue Jul 22, 5:10 PM ET
COLUMBUS, Ohio - Rising prices at the gas pump appear to be having at least one positive effect: Traffic deaths around the country are plummeting, just as they did during the Arab oil embargo three decades ago.
Laugh Factory owner: Jackson should pay for N-wordThat cracks me the hell up. Good luck collecting on that one.
LOS ANGELES (AP) -- When Michael Richards stunned a nightclub audience two years ago by shouting the N-word at a black patron, Laugh Factory owner Jamie Masada was quick to join the Rev. Jesse Jackson in calling for a ban on the word's use.
Now that Jackson has let the word slip out, Masada says he wants the civil rights leader to do what comics do every time they say the word on a Laugh Factory stage - pay a fine.
"Unfortunately, Jesse Jackson has broken his own principles," Masada told The Associated Press on Thursday. "Jesse embraced the notion of fining talent for using such a word and he should be held to his own standards."
Fox News confirmed Thursday that Jackson used the word during a break in a TV interview when he criticized Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama.
Jackson, who is traveling in Spain, apologized in a statement Wednesday for "hurtful words" but didn't offer specifics.
Masada said he fines comics $50 for every time they use the word in their act, and he wants Jackson to pay the same amount, to the Museum of Tolerance in Los Angeles.
Masada banned use of the word at his nightclubs shortly after Richards' outburst, and although he said several comics still use it in their act, he added that they are quick to pay the fines to charity.
"SEN. HARRY REID (D-NV), MAJORITY LEADER: Coal makes us sick. Oil makes us sick. It is global warming. It is ruining our country. It is ruining our world. We have got to stop using fossil fuel."
GINGRICH: Well, look, I was just in Las Vegas. Las Vegas is a city which does not exist without tourism, and Harry Reid's policies [are] destroying the airlines. Las Vegas is a city which does not exist air-conditioning. And Harry Reid's policies are going to drive the price of electricity sky-high.So Harry - what about it, hmmmm? Any thoughts on this?
Las Vegas does not exist without the automobile. And Harry Reid's policy is going to bankrupt Las Vegas. At some point, people in Nevada have to turn to Harry Reid and say, look, if you can produce a magic vehicle tomorrow morning running on hydrogen, we are thrilled. But, in the interim, don't bankrupt us.
District Gun Registration Starts TomorrowI'm sure everyone who has used a gun to commit a crime will (A) Bring their gun in to get
D.C. police will start the gun registration process at 7 a.m. tomorrow, when it opens an office at police headquarters at 300 Indiana Ave. NW.
It is the start of the 180-day amnesty period in which residents may register handguns they have had illegally, or guns from other states.
An officer from the gun unit will meet the applicant at the door and take temporary possession of the gun to ensure safety at headquarters.
Officers will tag the gun and run ballistics tests before returning it to the owner. Paperwork indicating that registration is in process will be provided.
About 14 days later, after an FBI background check, the gun will be officially registered.
"Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license."
"Tim and Jim Jones."
"Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance."
"Yes, we're brothers."
"Brothers? You can't get married."
"Why not? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?"
"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. That's incest!"
"Incest?" No, we are not gay."
"Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?"
"For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides, we don't have any other prospects."
"But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman."
"Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim."
"And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?"
"All right, all right. I'll give you your license. Next."
"Hi. We are here to get married."
"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson."
"Who wants to marry whom?"
"We all want to marry each other."
"But there are four of you!"
"That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship."
"But we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples."
"So you're discriminating against bisexuals!"
"No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for couples."
"Since when are you standing on tradition?"
"Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere."
"Who says? There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!"
"All right, all right. Next."
"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."
"In what names?"
"And the other man?"
"That's all. I want to marry myself."
" Marry yourself? What do you mean?"
"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return."
"That does it! I quit!! You people are making a mockery of marriage!!"
"No More Unsightly Stretch Marks"Well, I expect some stretch marks after taking all that V1@gra you've been selling me.
The company that owns the billboard, Beech Outdoor Advertising, views it as a fundamental first amendment issue and for that reason wouldn't censor the ad. The billboard will be up until after the November election.
'In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language...Just because we need to be reminded now and then.
And we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people.'
- Theodore Roosevelt 1907
Backlog of DNA samples may hamper JonBenet caseGood gawd. Who gives a flying fuck? This is an old case where a girl got killed. No one even cares any more. When her parents were let off the hook, I'm guessing most people thought "Big fucking deal."
Thu Jul 10, 5:32 PM ET
DENVER - Unless he has another brush with the law someday and a DNA sample is taken from him, JonBenet Ramsey's killer might never be caught.
To support the troops, HBO and its corporate partners are donating products that our troops most frequently request. Visit www.genkilltroopdrive.com and added one product to our shipment — free of charge. Click here and you can select an item to add to HBO's care packages — at no cost to you. Simply log on and click to contribute.I signed on and sent something. Hopefully, they won't be sending a bunch of spam now.
"Generation Kill," a seven-part original miniseries, premieres Sunday, July 13 at 9pm, only on HBO.
DEAR CURMUDGEON: I bet you've never gotten a letter like this before. I'm a 25-year-old man who's in love with one of my best friends, "Tom." (Yes, we're both male.) I'm not only in love with him, we're lovers. Tom is married to a woman named "Maria," but theirs was just a "for show" marriage because Tom's job is the type that would benefit from a "trophy wife." Maria knows about me and has no objections. I am fairly certain that Maria is also having an affair, though I'm not sure. As you can imagine, the two of us aren't exactly buddies, though we don't dislike each other. Here's the problem: I get jealous. Tom and Maria act like they're in love when they're in public, and even though I know it's fake, it bothers me. Let me stress that Maria and I have an understanding, so it's not that I feel guilty or think that Tom might leave me for her. (Neither of them loves the other and they both know it.) I don't want to make trouble by asking them to get divorced, but I really don't know what to do. Any advice?DEAR FAGGOT: Get your gun out, put the barrel in your cocksucker, and scatter the back of your twisted fucking skull all over the wallpaper in your sick gawd-damn den of love.--- UNREASONABLY JEALOUS
Brothel offers customers gas rebateWell, you do what ya' gotta do to drum up business.
(Reuters) - A Nevada brothel is trying to stimulate business by offering free gasoline.
Clients of the Shady Lady Ranch will get a $50 gas voucher if they fork out $300 -- worth about one hour's worth of services -- at the brothel in Beatty, Nevada, 130 miles northwest of Las Vegas.
Jesse Jackson says Obama "talking down" to blacksThat is so fucking funny. The 'reverend' Jesse Jackass got busted talking smack about Obama-bama-fo-fama. Cracks me the hell up it does.
In an aside to another guest after a Fox News Channel interview on Sunday, Jackson had said Obama had been talking down to black people and added: "I want to cut his nuts out."
Obama accepts Jackson's apology for crude remarkWhat a guy. [sob]
"For any harm or hurt that this hot mic private conversation may have caused, I apologize," he [Jesse Jackass] said in a written apology released Wednesday. "My support for Sen. Obama's campaign is wide, deep and unequivocal."
Mount Shasta glaciers growing, despite warmingHow can that be, what with all those wildfires burning out there?
Tue Jul 8, 6:24 PM ET
MOUNT SHASTA, Calif. - Global warming is shrinking glaciers all over the world, but the seven tongues of ice creeping down Mount Shasta's flanks are a rare exception: They are the only long-established glaciers in the lower 48 states that are growing.
Top Democrat may back new offshore drilling: reportA dem saying they might, maybe, possibly support exploration for oil here at home? The apocalypse it nigh my brothers and sisters.
1 hour, 10 minutes ago
NEW YORK (Reuters) - A top U.S. Democratic senator said in a newspaper interview published Wednesday that he would consider supporting opening up new areas for offshore oil and gas drilling.
"Touch her heart with your new babymaker."BWAH!!! That one gave me a giggle.
"I didn't know I was, because my lights are off."Good gawd. Fucking idiots.
"I'm taking my friend to the hospital. He has alcohol poisoning." (The driver was drunk, too).
After crashing: "I put supreme gas in the car, which caused me to lose control." (He, too, was found to be drunk.)
"Don't I get a couple over when I am taking my grandkids to the airport?"
"I get 10 extra in the fast lane."
"My speedometer is broken."
"Gas pedal got stuck."
"I'm trying to catch that UFO. Can you try to catch it for me?"
"I had a bee in the car."
"I am late for church and don't want to go to hell."
"I have been drinking and want to get off the road quickly."
"I'm going to a divorce proceeding and if you met her, sir, you would understand why I am hurrying."
"I am wearing really heavy shoes today and they make the gas pedal go down more."
"I just got my license back from it being suspended and I am not used to driving."
"My doctor gave me the wrong meds."
’Man showers’ become popular for pre-wedding bondFucking moron.
When Jonathan Morris’ daughter was planning her wedding, he thought the groom was getting overlooked. So he planned a guys-only "man shower" to welcome Brian Wigand into the family.
The party included manly snacks, games and gifts.
"It seemed like there was a lot of hoopla for the ladies and not too much for the guys," said Morris of Maple Valley, Wash. "It was really fun, male bonding."
Woman crashes into store then tries to buy beerWhat? You've never done that?
Tue Jul 1, 9:31 PM ET
NORWALK, Calif. - A convenience store became an unwilling drive-in when a 74-year-old woman plowed her car through the front window and then tried to buy a six-pack of Budweiser, police and the owner said.
Video shows woman dying on Brooklyn hospital floorNow I'm not even going to come close enough to piss on advocating socialized medicine here, but some people in the medical field make waaaaaay too much money to let shit like this happen.
NEW YORK - City hospital officials agreed in court Tuesday to implement reforms at a psychiatric ward where surveillance footage showed a woman falling from her chair, writhing on the floor and dying as workers failed to help for more than an hour.
Esmin Green, 49, had been waiting in the emergency room for nearly 24 hours when she toppled from her seat at 5:32 a.m. on June 19, falling face down on the floor.
She was dead by 6:35, when someone on the medical staff, flagged down by a person in the waiting room, finally approached, nudged Green with her foot, and gently prodded her shoulder, as if to wake her. The staffer then left and returned with someone wearing a white lab coat who examined her and summoned help.
Until the staffer's appearance, Green's collapse barely caused a ripple. Other patients waiting a few feet away didn't react. Security guards and a member of the hospital's staff appeared to notice her prone body at least three times, but made no visible attempt to see if she needed help.
One guard didn't even leave his chair, rolling it around a corner to stare at the body, then rolling away a few moments later.
New hands-free law goes into effect todayHey! I was right!
It is against the law beginning today to drive a vehicle using a handheld cell phone, or for drivers under 18 to use a cell phone at all while driving. There are exceptions for emergencies, including calling public safety agencies or health-care providers.
Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 1/28/1960 and ending 2/14/1961.Whatever.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Rat.
Your Native American Zodiac sign is Salmon; your plant is Raspberry.Hmmm. I really like salmon. And raspberries. Raspberries are yummy.
As of 7/1/2008 4:20:57 PM EDT1,512,318,057 seconds?
You are 47 years old.
You are 576 months old.
You are 2,501 weeks old.
You are 17,503 days old.
You are 420,088 hours old.
You are 25,205,300 minutes old.
You are 1,512,318,057 seconds old.
Celebrities who share your birthday:Buddy Guy is the shit when it comes to blues.
Hilary Swank (1974) Brad Hargreaves (1972) Vivica A. Fox (1964) Lisa Kudrow (1963) Delta Burke (1956) Jean Reno (1948) Paul Anka (1941) Peter Bogdanovich (1939) Edd 'Kookie' Byrnes (1933) Thomas Sowell (1930) Henry Ford (1863) Emily Bronte (1818) Tom Green (1971) Kate Bush (1958) Arnold Schwarzenegger (1947) Casey Stengel (1891)
Top songs of 1960Elvis? Who is this 'Elvis' you speak of? A busy dude according to that list.
Theme from A Summer Place- Percy Faith It's Not Or Never by Elvis Presley Stuck On You by Elvis Presley Save the Last Dance for Me by Drifters My Heart Has a Mind of Its Own by Connie Francis Teen Angel by Mark Dinning Teen Angel by Mark Dinning Running Bear by Johnny Preston Cathy's Clown by Everly Brothers Are You Lonesome Tonight? by Elvis Presley
"EVERYONE is psychotic. Otherwise, why would we have douchebag vs turd sandwich every 4 years for president. I'M THE ONLY PERSON who is not psychotic, and I'm a sociopath."BWAH!
First, do you know what ANWR is?The email goes on to make this statement:
ANWR = Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.
Now, a comparison:
Note where the proposed development area is (it's in the "ANWR Coastal Plain"):
This is what the democrats, liberals and "greens" show you when they talk about ANWR. And they are right, these ARE photographs of ANWR:
Isn't ANWR beautiful? Why should we drill here (and destroy) this beautiful place?
Well, they're not being quite truthful.
Do you remember the map? The map showed that the proposed drilling area is in the ANWR Coastal Plain. Do those photographs look like a coastal plain to you?
The answer is simple. That is not where they are wanting to drill! This is what the proposed exploration area actually looks like in the winter:
And this is what it actually looks like in the summer:
Here are a couple screen shots from Google Earth:
As you can see, the area where they are talking about drilling is a barren wasteland.
Oh, and they say that they are concerned about the effect on the local wildlife. Here is a photo (shot during the summer) of the "depleted wildlife" situation created by drilling around Prudhoe Bay*.
How bad do you really think the caribou hate that drilling?
Here's that same spot during the winter:
This bear seems to really hate the pipeline near Prudhoe Bay*:
Now, why do you think democrats and libtards are making such a stink about ANWR?
"Remember when Al Gore said that the government should work to artificially raise gas prices to $5.00 a gallon?I could find nothing to substantiate Al Gore making that statement, so take it as you may.
Well Al Gore and his fellow democrats have almost reached their goal!"
Opponents of the drilling say that capturing the petroleum in ANWAR will not solve any U.S. oil crisis so why risk the harm to wildlife there? Specifically, they say that the exploration and drilling activities would take place in the refuge's most vital areas for such as calving grounds for the porcupine caribou herd and den locations for one of America's two polar bear populations. They are especially concerned about the impact of any oil spills on the area, which they contend could affect the entire ecosystem.The fact is, libtards and granola-munching libtards don't have a fucking clue. They pass along misinformation because it makes them feel good to do so. Until they actually go visit the area, maybe live there a year and see exactly what happens there with wildlife and the environment, they should just shut their fucking traps.
Supporters of drilling in ANWAR argue that the U.S. needs to use domestic petroleum and that ANWAR could supply gas and oil for 30 to 50 years. The point to the massive oil fields at nearby Prudhoe Bay and say that drilling there has not negatively affected wildlife. The Central Arctic caribou herd is friendly with the facilities and has grown from 3,000 to as high as 27,000 over the past 20 years. Additionally, they say, drilling activity in ANWR would be during the winter months when such wildlife as the caribou are not there.