"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Funny (?)'s

Firs, let me apologize in advance. These are some serious groaners.
Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

A jumper cable walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

A sandwich walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
"A beer please, and one for the road."

Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
Doc says "It's Not Unusual."

Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

Told you so!


Australopithecus_africanus said...

Just to get even with you!

A horse walks into a bar. walks up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks at the horse with a look of concern and gets the beer. When he comes back the bartender says " Hey buddy, why the long face"....

A three legged dog walks into a bar and says " I'm looking for the man that shot my paw"..

A grasshopper hops up on the bar and orders a beer. a local drunk leans over and says " hey, we surve a drink here named after you"
The grasshopper says "Really, you have a drink here named Erving"....

As always... Rachael said...

I thought those were cure! Yours and a_a's.

shoes said...

i cant believe you missed the oldest one ever

a giraffe walks into a bar and says........(drumroll please)....the high balls are on me

curmudgeon said...

Good gawd. You folks are as bad as me.

How about:
So this skeleton goes up to the bar and says "Gimme a beer and a mop".

Peggasus said...

Two fonts walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here."


What did the painter name his son?



I love jokes like these! Thadoghskyagnks for the new ones!

Peggasus said...

Oh no! Now you know my secret word!

curmudgeon said...