"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Stupid

Thanks Jim. I can do heights fairly well. But THIS left me with an asshole full of seat.






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What A Trip

Quick question: Did this dude ever win the Nobel price?
Albert Hofmann, father of drug LSD, dies in Switzerland

AP - 2 hours, 23 minutes ago Sent 590 times

GENEVA - Albert Hofmann, the father of the mind-altering drug LSD whose medical discovery inspired — and arguably corrupted — millions in the 1960s hippie generation, has died. He was 102.
[...]
I would say this man is single-handedly responsible for changing culture more than any other person in history, at least since the American Revolution.

Can you imagine the music we would never have been privy to if it wouldn't have been for acid? Take The Beatles for instance. Or Jimi Hendrix, Jefferson Starship, The Doors, The Grateful Dead, just to name a few. It wasn't marijuana or heroin that caused these people to "think outside the box". No, it was was a little dab of a substance invented by Mr. Wizard there.

Then there's the flip side...


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Greetings, I have learned an interesting thing"
What, that you're a fucking moron?



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Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Spam Subject of the Day

"Flush out excessive pounds from your colon"
Uh, not a problem. That happens every day.




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Monday, April 28, 2008

Get Up And Friggin' Boogie!

I scored a Far Out
95% on the
Quiz by SheGoddess.

Hmmm. Not sure which one I missed. But I'm guessing they fucked the quiz up, not me.


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Got Balls?

Now that we've solved all of the other problems in the world:
State moves to ban fake testicles on vehicles

Reuters - Fri Apr 25, 12:03 PM ET

TALLAHASSEE, Florida (Reuters) - Senate lawmakers in Florida have voted to ban the fake bull testicles that dangle from the trailer hitches of many trucks and cars throughout the state.
[...]
Good to see lawmakers are taking care of real problems now.






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Spam Subject of the Day

"Enlarge your device size"
Waht? A bigger hard drive? Cool!




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Friday, April 25, 2008

A Funny

This gave me a good giggle:

Photobucket


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T.M.I.

This fucking zit on my ass cheek is about ready to drive me up the fucking wall.

I just thought you should know.





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Spam Subject of the Day

"Britney is lesbian"
Oh, now you've resorted to name calling?



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Thursday, April 24, 2008

Quote of the Day

"We in Denmark cannot figure out why you are even bothering to hold an election.

On one side, you have a bitch who is a lawyer, married to a lawyer, and a lawyer who is married to a bitch who is a lawyer.

On the other side, you have a true war hero married to a woman with a huge chest who owns a beer distributorship.

Is there a contest here?"






Tip o' the lid to Guy K.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"[my email address] naked video"
Now I know I never made one of those.



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Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Spam Subject of the Day

"Make her worship you!"
She already does! They all do!



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Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Feminazi

Gee. Wonder why?




This ain't my typical type of post, but after reading the story, well, my blood pressure seemed to get a little higher and higher with each word.

This Stupid bitch needs to be put over the knee and paddled a good one:
The reason Jeremy “helps” as much as he does (an offensive terminology that itself suggests who’s really being held responsible) is simple: He doesn’t have a choice.
[...]

So how have I accomplished this? By holding my husband’s feet to the fire every single day of our lives, of course.
[...]
Oh, OH OOOOHHH!!!! You strong wimmen turn me on so.

Yes, dear readers, it’s true: Maintaining some semblance of parity in your marriage requires you to deploy the same kinds of nasty tactics you swore you would never stoop to as a parent but nonetheless found yourself using the minute you actually had a kid. Bribery and punishment work; so do yelling and complaining. Threats are also effective, as long as everyone knows you mean business. With husbands, tender blandishments and nooky are particularly useful, as is the withholding of the aforementioned.
[...]
Uh, yeah. Us guys have the mentality of children and should therefore be treated like them.
Now I'll admit, once upon a time, the threat of no pussy took me aback and I would reconsider. Now, all I have to say is "I get none, you get none. You like that idea?"
This bitch probably prefers no fucking anyway. I'm sure it gets in the way of her self indulgence.
So all I can say to my fellow wives and mothers is: Rise up — you have nothing to lose but your unjust share of the burden. I know what you’re thinking: “I’ve tried to get him to help out more, but he won’t! What am I supposed to do?”
Well, for starters, how about not being such a bitch? Vinegar, honey, which do flies like better? Maybe he ain't interested in helping you out because you're such a cunt?
You’re supposed to insist, that’s what you’re supposed to do. It’s not as if women don’t have leverage these days; despite the stereotype of the middle-aged guy running off with the secretary half his age, two thirds of all divorces among Americans over 40 are initiated by women, not men. What does this tell us about their relative levels of satisfaction within marriage?
See above. You're not happy because you can't push your man around. Maybe you should turn lezbo. Get another woman to move in with you. It seems that's the only acceptable path to happiness around your stalag.
And while I recognize that gender stereotypes are risky, in my experience husbands are a lot like children. They will get away with whatever they can get away with. When you put your foot down and make it clear that you won’t take no for an answer, somehow the kids’ rooms get cleaned, the groceries bought, the laundry folded. It really does work, I promise.
Yeah, and someday you're going to find yourself living alone with 50 cats wondering why no guy wants to come around.

Look. You want a housemaid, hire one. You want a guy with his own personality, marry one.
I have no aversion to helping out around the house. Doing some things like cooking and cleaning up. But I also take care of my realm, which is the outside. I don't expect the Mrs to do half the yard chores, and I also don't expect to take care of all the indoor stuff either.

Dr. Helen puts it way better than I could ever put it though:
I have some advice for your long suffering husband, Jeremy. Next time you need something fixed around the house, your wife needs help lifting something, or you need a blowjob, resort to yelling and complaining. Threats are also effective, as long as she knows you mean business. Huff and puff and complain to all of your friends about her inadequacies and let the world know what a loser she is. Then crow about your newfound equality. Finally, call yourself a hero and write a lousy piece for Men's Health or some other men's magazine about your loser of a wife and see how your married life takes off after that. For deep down, even if Jeremy won't admit it, my guess is, just like the women mentioned in the article, he is seething inside. It's no wonder he won't scrub toilets for this woman.


Oh, and if the tables were turned:
… When my wife has lingered too long over her Cosmo magazine and I'm feeling overwhelmed by the three weeks we've gone without sex, I slap it out of her hand and let her know what's going to happen. "A husband has a right to sex," I say in a tone of voice that brooks no equivocation. She may struggle and squirm, but the job gets done. It's okay that I have to do most of the work.
BWAAAHHH!!!!

Makes as much sense as the original story.


Hat tip to Rachel Lucas yet again.


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So How Was Your Weekend?

Mine was er, good gawd.

I went to visit Mark. Now I've known Mark for oh, I guess it's been almost 20 years, and his wife is right. "When those two get together ... you just have to see it." I think she may have a sore neck from shaking her head in disbelief the entire weekend, but nevertheless, she somehow was able to put up with our antics. And even more so, she even joined in on occasion. Poor girl.

So in between the pool shooting, shit shooting, beer consumption and name calling (you would think that there is a limit to the number of derogatory remarks, smart ass comments and manhood questioning that could possibly be made in the span of almost 20 years, but of course, I should have known better), we had a few projects to tackle.
It would be impossible to even begin to recall the many ways we pointed out the lack of 'manhood', the many items that would be shoved up the others ass sideways, or the many times 'suck me into a coma' were announced.

The beer brewing, the food cooking, the ostrich egg (yes, a single egg) preparation that needed demonstrating, and the teevee that needed watching. Yes, we took care of pretty much all of that.

So, the beer brewing. We made a batch of porter that I'm sure I will never get to sample, but it appeared that it would turn out to be a decent batch of brew. It was then time to take to the pool table again, where I could give some more lessons. In the meantime, the soufflé preparation was begun.


The egg:



Yes, one egg takes the place of a couple dozen chicken eggs. And it does make a good soufflé. Enough for about 6 people at least.

After the billiard tournament from hell which involved Mark, the Mrs., Yours Truly and another friend, we commenced to grill steaks and settle in.

Sunday involved some serious teevee time, some of the best scotch in the world,



and some more good food, and a serious gut ache from cracking the hell up:



Trust me. Unless you were there, you wouldn't understand, but the timing for the Poison concert was impeccable. I haven't laughed that gawddam hard in years.

♫♪ "What's got you so jumpy" ♫♪
♫♪♪ "Why can't you sit still, yeah." ♫♪♪

Oh yes. Good times.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"she was drunk and i did her"
Ah, yer daddy must be so proud.



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Monday, April 21, 2008

A Funny






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Spam Subject of the Day

"Small big daddy is your disadvantage"
Big daddy? Hmmm



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Thursday, April 17, 2008

Usually Not

Drinking accelerates onset of Alzheimer's

People who have more than two alcoholic drinks a day develop Alzheimer’s disease five years earlier than those who do not drink, a comprehensive study linking the condition to lifestyle has found.
[...]
Bleah, I'm not worried.



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Just On Weekends

Drinking accelerates onset of Alzheimer's

People who have more than two alcoholic drinks a day develop Alzheimer’s disease five years earlier than those who do not drink, a comprehensive study linking the condition to lifestyle has found.
[...]
Whew. Good thing I don't drink every day.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Whip out your trump card"
"'Scuse me while I whip this out."

Okay, 5 points for whoever guesses the reference...



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Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Speaking Of Spam


Plane crashes into neighbourhood in Congo, dozens dead

A passenger jet carrying 85 people crashed into a residential neighbourhood in the eastern region of Congo on Tuesday, killing dozens, officials and witnesses said.
[...]
I wonder how many more spams we'll get from Africa now, from relatives of deceased airline passengers needing help with large sums of money?



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Spam Subject of the Day

"****SPAM**** It's Easy. It's Secure. It's Proven Over 4.5 Million"
You know what's cool about this spam, is it actually announced that it was spam! WOOHOO!!!!

Now you're catching on there, fucknut!



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Tuesday, April 15, 2008

CNN Gets It Right For once

China demands CNN apology for "goons" comment

[...]
Cafferty said the United States imported Chinese-made "junk with the lead paint on them and the poisoned pet food," adding: "They're basically the same bunch of goons and thugs they've been for the last 50 years," according to a copy of his comments carried on YouTube.
[...]
I usually don't cotton much to CNN. They're usually quite slanted in their reporting - or rather, lack of. But this story is a hoot!

Fuck you China.

You go girl!

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Spam Subject of the Day

"150 + H = 75"
Lessee now, take the 1 and carry the 5, ...

Yeah, I can do muh sums proper.


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Monday, April 14, 2008

Happy 100th Harley

Nice line-up:
[...]
Harley is lauded for its marketing genius and for knowing its customers and how much they like the Steppenwolfs, ZZ Tops and George Thorogoods of the world.

Yet it gave them Tim McGraw, a country singer crooning sweet love songs, and Kid Rock, who nobody heard of until he hooked up with Pamela Anderson. The average Harley rider has saddle bags older than this guy.

And, finally, Elton John as the headliner.
[...]
Now that is a fucking hoot! They should have maybe tossed in a bit of Pavarotti?
Oh, wait. He's dead.
How about maybe some 'N Sync? Or maybe rustle up some Spice Girls?

Now I've never owned a Harley, so I guess I can't be 100% certain what sort of music I would listen to if I rode one. But I have been associated with enough bikers to know that a good alcohol fueled, knock down drag out concert ain't going to be one led by a fucking hillbilly, a rapper, and a fag.

Nice anniversary gift, yo.


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BWAH!!!






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Too Much Time On Their Hands

Yup. Some people need to get a life.

But anyway, when you have a couple extra minutes, go watch this little skit. It's sorta entertaining.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"your penis has the ability to grow"
What!?!?! You're kidding!!

Uh, I learnt that when I was about 8 there, Einstein.



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Friday, April 11, 2008

A Couple Sexually Oriented Funnies For Your Viewing Pleasure


















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Spam Subject of the Day

"Turn her wet and wild"
Did that once. Turned the hose one her. Paid for that one along time I tell ya'.




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Thursday, April 10, 2008

So apparently, the sperm burping butt fucker not only raised a bunch of money for Hitlary's campaign, he also taught her how to form her mouth properly when she is trying to get a favor from guys:



Too bad he didn't teach her this sort of thing when Bill was still in office. He may not have been so busy with Monica.


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More Democrap*

Who said this?
“The truth is, in order to get things like universal health care and a revamped education system, then someone is going to have to give up a piece of their pie so that someone else can have more.”
Hitlary? HAH! Got ya'!

It was Michelle Obama bama bo bama banana bana fo fana

Dizzy bitch. She must have taken lessons from the other bitch.



*I was going to coin that word as I had never heard it before. But I was quite certain someone had beat me to the punch, so I Googled it. Yup.

My definition remains though:

Democrap: Shit spewed by self righteous liars attempting to convince people the only way to succeed is to rely on someone else.


Seen here:Protein Wisdom.

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Burst My Bubble

So there is some good news in the midst of this housing kerfuffle going on around us. Sure, home prices were ridiculously high there for a while, builders couldn't keep up with demand, and pre-existing home sales were off the hizzy. Now, people can't unload their overpriced homes, can't make the payments, and are getting foreclosed on right and left. Plenty of homes on the market.

Which, since new construction has all but come to a standstill, many wetbacks illegal immigrants are going back to Mexico. So who says they weren't here for the money? Who says they were here just to make a better life for themselves? Hmmm.

Well, with all that, there is plenty to look forward to. For starters, we should now have shorter wait times in the emergency room. There won't be as many uninsured patients to wait on so taxes for indigent care should go down. Not to mention insurance rates. There won't be as many uninsured motorists on the road.

Schools could save money by eliminating "English as a second language" courses and reassign teachers to more useful classes, like Spanish. (B'yuk!).

More jobs will be available for residents, which can do nothing but help the economy.

Businesses won't have to worry about printing two languages on all their signage and labeling.

Wow! The list could go on forever! But I'll not get my hopes up just yet. There's still a long way to go to bring things back to normal.

REMEMBER THE ALAMO!!!



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Spam Subject of the Day

"THE BIGGEST BUTT!"
Yes, if by butt you mean ass, and by biggest you mean your damn self.



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Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Fuck You Nevada Voters And The Fucked Up Smoking Ban

I use this particular headline in hopes Google and other search engines will index those words, and place this close to the top of the list. A sort of personal editorial if you will. Since the odds are better of it getting published here than in the local paper.

The back story here is like many other states and cities, Nevada also had a smoking ban on the last ballot.
What it amounted to in its tangled wording was that people would be forbidden from lighting up anywhere around food. This would include the local tavern which has a kitchen, a 7-11 that sells hot dogs, grocery stores, and so on. One of the big selling points was of course, the "For The Children ™ " angle. "Yeah, we bring our kids to the bar to eat supper, and we don't want you smoking around them."

It passed, barely, and so now, if you're a large casino (can you say Special Interest Group?), or a tavern with a separate dining area and separate ventilation system, you're allowed to have smoking in your establishment.

On the other hand, we have people continually bitching about how schools and teachers need more money, but yet the governor keeps squawking about how the state budget needs to be trimmed. And he's looking to trim the education budget for starters. For "The Children ™ "?

Well, tons of money for education and state budget was coming from taxes on tobacco. So in short, you dumbfucks voted your own damn selves a cut in revenue.
Happy now?



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Experience a pleasure that's uniquely yours"
What, no more spam?



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Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Spam Subject of the Day

"You can bet your life that women"
Uh, what? Lose your train of thought there fuckwad?



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Monday, April 07, 2008

A Funny

Stolen from the ambulance driver:
Q: You know what's the worst part of getting a lung transplant?

A: The first few times you cough, the phlegm that comes up...is not your own.






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Spam Subject of the Day

"vulture affect"
Yup. Got that one dialed in, don't you.



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Friday, April 04, 2008

A Funny

According to most wimmen, the thought process explained:






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Absolut-ly Fuck Off

So the most noticeable scuttlebutt on the World Wide Web today - other than the usual Hitlary vs. OsamaBama bullshit, seems to be the fucked up billboard poster done by Absolut Wodka across the river from the U.S.

To wit:


Now some folks' take on the picture is that it is a somewhat nostalgic depiction of what they had and lost.
My take is that it is Absolut's sad attempt at stirring up tequila drinking wetbacks er, 'illegals' by convincing them that with the help of a little of their product, they can reclaim the land that was taken from them.

I prefer this take on the ad myself:



The good news, is there are plenty of vodka selections in the store besides Absolut to choose from. Not that I would ever boycott a company...



Hat tip Michelle Malkin via Rachel Lucas


Follow up:
What I read:
"In no way was it meant to offend or disparage, nor does it advocate an altering of borders, nor does it lend support to any anti-American sentiment, nor does it reflect immigration issues," Absolut said in a statement left on its consumer inquiry phone line.
Blah blah blah ...

What they probably meant:
"We're sorry you misinterpreted our ad campaign, you bunch of idiots. Get a life and keep drinking our fine product."

"Viva le revolucion!"


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Fucking PETArds

Dumbass vegans/vegetarians are usually teens or them what are slightly past their teen years. In other words, clueless:



Maybe this girl can give you nice, tight hug:

Tasty, no?



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Ask The Curmudgeon

DEAR CURMUDGEON: I had been out of the dating scene for a while, but finally found someone I really like and think would be a good match for me. We get along great and I get the sense there is mutual interest. I have kept matters on a friendly basis thus far because (and herein lies my dilemma) her longtime boyfriend committed suicide a couple of months ago. I can tell there are some personal issues she is still working out because of it, and I don't want to push anything too soon. But I have not felt this way about a girl in a long time and don't want to write her off for something out of her control. I need some advice!
Well, Mr. Dimwit, RUN!!! RUN FAST!!! RUN HARD!!! DON'T STOP UNTIL YOU PASS OUT FROM EXHAUSTION!!!

See, here's the deal. Her old boyfriend kilt hisself. Did you ask why? Well obviously, he wasn't happy about something, and that something was probably THE NUT YOU'RE TRYING TO BED! GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Your night as twenty years ago"
Good gawd. Don't remind me.




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Thursday, April 03, 2008

Spam Subject of the Day

"V, V and V"
Of course.



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Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Quote of the Day

Random blog somewhere. Don't matter where:
"Rap is to music as Etch-a-Sketch is to art"
Oh shut up. Yes, I know some people use those pieces of shit as an art medium. But then, some people use microphones for singing too.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Largest asss in the world"
Well, not yet, but I'm trying to be.




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Tuesday, April 01, 2008

BWAH!!!

I have a handful of regular readers. And I really like you all stopping by here now and then.
But occasionally, I get a brand new reader. One who stumbles randomly across this piece of shit using search engines.

What brings people to my humble home? Well, phrases like this for example:
  • my wife turned me into a sissified faggot cocksucker
No doubt. Now go shoot yourself.
  • 'Blaming guns for violence is like blaming spoons for Rosie O'Donnell's fat ass.'
BWAH! One of my favorite quotes.
  • picture of a pile of shit
Ah, the good old days. Back when I did the 'Steaming Pile of Shit' awards. I should really start doing those again.
  • butt fucked white teens
Nope. None of those here. Follw the lead of the first one though.
  • CHINESE SHIT
There seems to be plenty of that around.
  • nude gymnastics
I wish.
  • che burger che burger
Why?
  • john cock
Do I sense a pattern?
  • populashun of london
Another rocket surgeon.
  • "socialized medicine" successes britain
Or the lack thereof.
  • Butt Fuck Mountain
What's with the faggotry going on here?

Well anyway, you get the idea. It's all in good fun.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"gotcha!"
Uh, I think not.



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