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Friday, October 06, 2006

No Whackin' Off During Ramadan!

"Deliberate masturbation during the month of Ramadan renders a fast invalid, Iranian Supreme Leader Sayyid Ali Khameini has ruled."
Ruins the fast? What the hell! Were they going to eat it?

But there is a loophole for you camel-fucking jerkoffs:
"If he do not intend masturbation and discharging semen and nothing is discharged, his fasting is correct even though he has done a ḥarām (forbidden) act. But, if he intends masturbation or he knows that he usually discharges semen by this process and semen really comes out, it is a ḥaram intentional breaking fasting," the Iranian leader said, posting the reply on his website.
So whack away! Just don't make the associated mess.

Be also advised that it is still perfectly legal to behead those who offend you or disagree with your beliefs during this holy period.


Allah be praised.

4 comments:

Jean said...

ummm....excuse me, Dave...is there "accidental masturbation"??

rachel said...

What better way to prove you're an infidel.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

That's such a relief.

You didn't think they were going to stop beheading people for a whole month, did you?

curmudgeon said...

jean,
Well, I can't recall ever doing it accidentally...

rachel,
Good point. Let's all have a wank for Allah!

h.i.s.,
It will probably just give them another excuse for beheading an infidel.