Word To The Wise

DO NOT eat a heaping helping of Hormel chili right before bedtime.
Oh, I was fine all night. No "Dutch Ovens" for Mrs Curmudgeon, but this morning? Totally different story. I am, and those who may follow me down the hallowed halls of [where I work] are, still paying.

But, that reminds me of a story.
In the small town where I grew up, there was a four-way intersection in the middle of town, which on the northwest corner sat the elementary school, on the northeast corner sat the high school, and on the southeast corner sat the Jr. High. On the southwest corner was a little store named "The School Store" which was basically just a small convenience store centrally located to, and serving patrons from all three of the schools. There was no 7-Eleven type store in the town.
This little store had a vast array of candy, soda pops, "Stewart's Sandwiches" (remember those?), burgers, fries, chicken pot pies and chili.
Oh yes, chili.

One of my best friends' parents ended buying the "School Store" and running it. For him, it was like he had hit the lotto. He, all of a sudden had all sorts of new friends, was one of the first chosen for a team in p.e. and so on.
Of course to a pre-teen, a friend owning a candy store was like us hitting the lotto. Us 'old' friends all had visions of all the free candy and soda pop we could possibly gag down.
Well, it didn't quite work out that way, as his parents quite firmly told us there was to be no freebies or they would lose all their profit. We of course were bummed, but hey. We were old friends so life from there continued on as normal.

Except for the chili.

A few of us old friends asked if we could work at the little store, maybe make a little spending money. We were told that the profit margin was so slim they couldn't afford to pay us any cash, but every day we worked, we could have lunch there for free. That wasn't such a bad deal - free lunch at the school store, rather than school lunch in the school cafeteria. Maybe not as healthy, but certainly better tasting than the slop in the school cafeteria.

One day while working at the store, my friend and I decided we would have a sleep-over at his house the following friday. And we would also have chili for lunch. Two bowls. That way, later on friday night, we could have a farting contest. Not that there were any real prizes, it was more the pleasure of seeing who would have to leave the room first.

So friday rolls around, we work the lunchtime rush at the school store, commence to consuming our free lunch of chili, and go on our way back to school for the afternoon.
Not wanting to lose our ammo from the lunchtime portion of chili, we decide to have another bowl for dinner. Get a nice supply of ammo built up for the upcoming contest. We of course, knew no better.

Well we - like typical adolescent boys, are farting, gagging, laughing, and generally having a good ole' time for the better part of the night. Of course, the guts are acing from the gaseous buildup and the rumbling from the laughter, but we pay it no mind. There are worlds to conquer here.
The night wears on, when around 2:30 in the a.m. his sister comes home from her date. She peeks her head in the room to see what all the laughing and other racket is in there, and ... oh you should have seen the look on her face.
Her nose wrinkles. Her eyebrows scrunch. Her diamphragm twitches (no, not that one, the other one.) the gag reflex spasms, and she manages barely to exhale a raspy "WHAT STINKS?!?!".
We of course, with our innocent little faces, replied "I duuunnnoooo??". Until we can't contain ourselves any longer, and bust out laughing.

We never did admit to what was causing the odiferous haze exuding from the cracked doorway, but she never checked on us again without us coming out of the room first.