"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Only Tax The Rich

I already posted this over here, but it's too important to NOT post it here too. America needs to wake the fuck up before every cent of our paycheck goes to the socialist wannabes in Washington:
Once Considered Unthinkable, U.S. Sales Tax Gets Fresh Look

With budget deficits soaring and President Obama pushing a trillion-dollar-plus expansion of health coverage, some Washington policymakers are taking a fresh look at a money-making idea long considered politically taboo: a national sales tax.

Common around the world, including in Europe, such a tax -- called a value-added tax, or VAT -- has not been seriously considered in the United States. But advocates say few other options can generate the kind of money the nation will need to avert fiscal calamity.
[...]
You folks who voted for this fucker didn't think YOU were one of "the rich", did you!

What I'm trying to say here is that if this shit passes, everything you buy will now have a federal sales tax tacked on to it along with any state sales tax you may or may not already pay.
So everybody is going to be paying more taxes. Not just those who make $________.00 or more per year. Every-fucking-body.









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Spam Subject of the Day

"Girl will come every 10 minutes"
Well, I hope she enjoys herself.



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Thursday, May 28, 2009

Sorry, This Made Me Laugh

From SPIEGEL ONLINE:
Man Uses Live Swan to Beat up Victim

A man grabbed a live swan by the neck and used it as a weapon to attack his opponent during an altercation by the bank of a river in Munich. Thankfully, the swan escaped unhurt.
[...]
Oh, the visuals.



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Yummy

Makes you hungry, no?






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What The Fuck?

Oklahoma City pharmacist who shot would-be teen robber is charged with murder

By Associated Press

2:43 PM CDT, May 27, 2009
OKLAHOMA CITY (AP) — An Oklahoma City pharmacist who shot and killed a 16-year-old would-be robber has been charged with first-degree murder.

Oklahoma County District Attorney David Prater said Wednesday that 57-year-old Jerome Ersland was justified in shooting Antwun Parker once in the head on May 19. But Prater says Ersland went too far when he shot Parker five more times in the abdomen while Parker lay unconscious on the floor.

Ersland's attorney — Irven Box — says Ersland was protecting himself and two women inside the pharmacy.

Prater showed a security video in which two men burst into the pharmacy and one being shot. Ersland is seen chasing the second man outside before returning, walking past Parker to get a second gun then going back to Parker and opening fire.
Wait a minute. They're not charging him for murder after he shot the kid in the head, only after pumping him full of lead after he was already shot?

I could see them charging the guy for desecrating a corpse or some shit, but murder? He shot the kid in the head and the kid deserved it. After being shot in the head though, I'm guessing the kid was already dead. How can you murder someone who was already dead? How could they prove he wasn't?

This case should be tossed anyway. The little bastards tried to rob him. Robbery means they had a weapon. The dude was totally justified in shooting the fuckers. Too bad he didn't get both of them.


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Korean War II

U.S., South Korea raise military alert on North

SEOUL (Reuters) - South Korea and the United States raised the military alert level for the peninsula on Thursday after the communist North warned the truce ending the Korean War was dead and it was ready to attack.
[...]
I think the shit is about to hit the fan in a big way, and you know what? The us Americans are going to have to accept a fair portion of the blame. Of course, the U.N. had better fucking stand up and shoulder some of the burden too, but all in all, the world stood by and watched as the psycho fuck Kim Jong Il did his thing with the missile tests.
Now that he has proven to himself he has 'the power', he's not going to be afraid to push his weight around.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Police horse rides heatwave with suun cream"
Well, I'll be damned.



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Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Good Gawd Give It A Rest

California court upholds gay marriage ban

SAN FRANCISCO (Of course) – California's supreme court backed a ban on gay marriage on Tuesday, upholding a voter-approved proposition defining marriage as between a man and a woman, but said the marriages last year of 18,000 same-sex couples were still legal.
[...]

The argument continued in San Francisco streets, where gay marriage backers vowed to continue the fight at the ballot box in 2010.
[...]
Look. The people of the state voted. Twice now. They said they don't want the shit to happen. When are you faggots going to get a fucking clue?





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Spam Subject of the Day

"Get a Flat Stomach Naturally with Acai Berry"
No thanks. I have way too much money invested in the gut to just up and lose it.



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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The Weekend In Review

So how was y'all's weekend?

Mine was good. We all went to our little slice of heaven in the mountains. We got rain, sun, hail, you name it; and the fishing sucked but the company was good.

Yesterday coming home the traffic was of course, nothing but pure shit, but that's to be expected on a long weekend. Especially, the deadliest traffic weekend of the year. The time may have been better spent making a huge banner stating my opinion of the current idiot in the White House...

See, our house is sort of under the approach path to the airport, whenever I'm in an airplane getting ready to land, I always look for our house. It's fairly easy to spot if you know where it is.
And the reason for all this? Well, the Teleprompter of the United States is coming to town today to raise money for the Asshole Speaker of the House, Harry Reid. He will be landing at our fair airport, and unless the weather causes Air Force One to change its approach path, they will cruise right past our house. A large enough banner would be easily spotted from the port window of the airplane.

Oh well. Maybe I'll just have to sit on the front stoop with a cold one and have my middle finger at the ready instead, while I think of all the people who fought and died for our country so this asshole and his comrades could come along and fuck it all up.

So here's to you Mr. T.O.T.U.S. Man:



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A Funny

The question: Who loves you more? Your dog or your spouse.

To test the theory, put both of them in the trunk of your car for an hour. After you open it, which one will be happier to see you?





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Spam Subject of the Day

"Your ex will come back for more"
That's about the last fucking thing I need.




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Friday, May 22, 2009

A Funny

Breaking News


It has just been reported that the head gardener at The White House has been dismissed after 28 years of loyal service to the many US presidents.

When interviewed the gardener protested his innocence and said "All I know is I was walking past the Oval Office and I asked, "Has anyone seen the spade or the Hoe".
The next thing I knew I was fired.





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Spam Subject of the Day

"Leave your coordinates"
Okay, sport. Here you go:
37°14'16.33"N, 115°48'49.83"W

Have fun.


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Thursday, May 21, 2009

I'm Noth Ash Thimk As You Pergnant I Am

I had an abortion. (And I don't regret it!)

This is the story of my abortion. If you're against abortion or you are easily grossed out by talk of graphic surgical procedures, don't read. :)

I had an abortion last month. It was probably the hardest choice I've ever had to make. I love children and I want to be a mother SO badly. Call me unfeminist if you will, but my dream is to have that white picket fenced house in the suburbs with a pack of kids, a husband, and a bunch of pets. I'm 21 years old, I don't have a steady job or a car or my own house, my boyfriend and I have only been together for 6 months, my health is crap, I'm a borderline alcoholic, yada yada yada. So really, bad time to have a baby. I am not a fan of adoption - I've heard far too many horror stories, and I couldn't send my baby out in the world to be raised by someone else who might not be a good parent. If anyone's going to fuck up my kids, it's going to be me!, and given my health and drinking, it would have been likely that I and/or my child would have been seriously damaged by the pregnancy.
[...]
Good for you, doll. I'm glad you had enough sense to rid your body of the little intruder. How inconsiderate of the nasty little fucker to get in the way of your drinking!

I'm sure Captain Morgan, Adolph Coors, Mogan David and maybe even the city of Lynchburg, Tennessee collectively appreciate your sacrifice.





h/t Protein Wisdom

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And Speaking Of Police...

A week or so ago, we had a cop in our city get killed in the line of duty.

Seems a 14 year old girl called 911 in the middle of the night saying her father was smacking her around, and the cop was responding. He was scurrying to the girl's house and T-boned a pick-up truck that had begun a left turn in front of him.
The driver of the pick-up failed a field sobriety test, and was arrested for DUI, failure to yield to an emergency vehicle, as well as whatever else the cops thought he deserved at the time. I'm not sure of all the charges.

What a dick, right? Well, let's not be so hasty in our judgment here. Seems some new facts have come to light:

DEADLY CRASH: Officer was driving 109

Flashing lights, siren were off, sheriff says


First, the cop was doing 109 in a 45 zone, no lights and siren. Like the article said, he could travel the length of a football field in two seconds. That's fucking fast. Especially in the middle of town where other cars are. With no lights and siren.

Second, the dude in the pickup was fucked up too! Can you blame him for failing a field sobriety test after just being plowed into? I can't.
If I got broadsided by a car doing 90 - which the police report said the cop was doing by the time he had hit the brakes and tried to veer - I'm quite sure I would be doing some staggering too.
This guy's blood alcohol level was 0.035. The legal limit in Nevada is 0.08. The dude was only half the legal limit.

Third, the girl who made the 911 call was exaggerating a bit. Turns our her dad did smack her, but wasn't beating her up like she claimed. She's a teenager. She probably need the smack.

It's bad enough when someone gets killed like this, but I'm glad to see the police department actually releasing the facts and coming clean on the investigation instead of just covering it up and protecting their own. Kudos.



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Woops

Ariz. inmate dies after hours in outdoor cell
[...]
Powell, who was serving a 27-month sentence for prostitution, was placed alone in the cell while being moved to an onsite detention unit. Ryan said officers placed Powell in the cell after a disturbance at the detention unit, but he would not elaborate on the nature of the disturbance.
[...]
Prostitution? Are you fucking kidding me?

Get a load of this skank and tell me just how much heroin would have to be flowing through your veins to make you want to stick your dick in her:



I think the police did the world a favor. No great loss to the human race I say.

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Spam Subject of the Day

" We two hae paidled i' the burn"
That sounds Scottish.



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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

A Funny

Here's a 'twitter' from Helen Keller:



BWAH!!!!


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Spam Subject of the Day

"garments; let us taste"
Okay, that's just sick.



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Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Give That Man A Gold Star!

Police: Man arrested in LA killing of rapper

2 minutes ago

LOS ANGELES - Police in Los Angeles say a man has been arrested for investigation of murder in the killing of Atlanta-based raper Dolla at an upscale shopping mall.
[...]
Good. One more rapper out of circulation.

Here's a pat on the back from me mister.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"FW: Add dr. to you name"
Well, let's see here:
Dr. Curmudgeon. I like that!




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Monday, May 18, 2009

Spam Subject of the Day

"Eortic Fancies at a Kitchen-Range"
Uh, yeah.



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Friday, May 15, 2009

Stupid Shits

4 Dumb Fucks US citizens found strangled in Tijuana

TIJUANA, Mexico – The bodies of four U.S. citizens were found strangled, beaten and stabbed in a van in this border city, two days after they reportedly left their Southern California homes for a night at the Mexican clubs, U.S. officials said Thursday.
[...]
I know kids - especially teens - at a young age think they're invincible. I did. I always thought I was tough enough or smart enough to get out of any trouble I may find myself in.

That ain't the case. Going to Mexico right now is a dangerous proposition. Especially if it's an area anywhere near the border.

Question is, how much longer will it be before we're fighting more deadly battles within our own border towns?
The shit has already hit the fan. People are already being abducted from border towns and taken to Mexico to be beaten, killed, held for ransom, you name it. How long is it going to be before we have border town wars?

I'm guessing that it won't be long. And I'm also guessing a lot of the 'warriors' are already within our borders.


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Huh???

Make way, ladies: Michelle Obama hits sexy list
Thu May 14, 12:34 PM ETRecommended 118 times

WASHINGTON (AFP) - For the first time the US First Lady has made Maxim magazine's annual top 100 list of "hottest women in the world," with Michelle Obama making the grade at number 93.
[...]
One question; Just how much did she have to pay these people?



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Fat removed naturally"
I find a butcher knife works quite well.



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Thursday, May 14, 2009

A Funny

Mrs C would have a hemorrhoid if she saw this, but it cracks me the hell up:




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Spam Subject of the Day

"Oprah Weight Loss Solution , Try Acai Berry."
The best thing for Oprah would be D-con.



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Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Somewhat Political

Smokers, drinkers to carry tax burden?

If you make big bucks — or enjoy alcohol, cigarettes and Coke — the government might hit you up to pay for fixing the nation’s health care system.

On Tuesday, the Senate Finance Committee peeked into vending machines and liquor stores, company payrolls and health savings accounts, looking for a mix of tax increases and spending cuts as a way to pay for a health overhaul — which could cost more than $1.5 trillion over 10 years.
[...]
I posted this here rather than the other blog because I think it's important.

Sure. The fucker who got elected and the fucked up morons in the senate all promised they were only going to 'tax the rich'. But now that they're possibly waking up to who actually creates jobs and money in this country, they're thinking that cutting taxes from po' folks might cost them tax money.
They're GOING to get that money somewhere. And now you know where; from the little luxuries you and I enjoy.

And where do you think it will stop? Not just with smokes, booze and sodie-pops. Not on your life. Tagging these sort of 'vices' as needing to be taxed to cover socialized medicine is just the tip of the iceberg.
Next you'll be paying more cheeseburgers, fries, prepared foods, ... anything that could adversely affect your health.

And what about plain idiocy? Recreational vehicles, skydiving, playing softball when you're too old, any activity deemed irresponsible or unsafe could definitely a detriment to your health.

Soon you'll have to pay extra government fees just to take the kids to the park. Lord knows, we wouldn't want you to cut your finger while flying a kite. You may need to get a stitch.


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Banality In Everyday Life

So Monday and Thursday are garbage day here in the desert. Exciting, huh? Well, there's a story I must tell.

Monday, I put the garbage on the curb for the mob to pick up. (I refer to them as "The Mob" since our garbage collection company - like many others, has been run by the mob for years.)
So Monday, I put the garbage on the curb. (Did I already say that?) Whatever.

As well as a standard old plastic can, and a few other bags of junk, I also have one of these:

What with all the company we've had for all the events we've dealt with for the last couple weeks, we've gone above and beyond our average collection of household trash. The garbage containers have gotten a workout.
So Monday, I put the trash on the curb, and head off to work. The mob came collected it all sometime during the day, and I returned home that evening to find the one regular garbage can resting forlornly on the sidewalk. It's accompaniment, the toter, nowhere to be found.

Now that toter has been with us since we moved into the house, which was back in '96. It had been well used and beaten, mostly by the mob banging it on the back of their truck, but it was still functional and useful. A bit worn and broken, much like a favorite pair of tennies, but still quite usable.
I suspect the mob had just tossed in the back of their truck rather than put up with another day of its ugliness.

So I called the mob headquarters and asked if there was a reason why the 'chuckers' may have absconded with my toter. Their reply was that they would put in a work order, and have an auditor make a sweep of the area within a five block radius to see if my toter could be found. They suggested I look around and see if I could find it in some other neighbor's yard, and "I'll give you your serial number now too, sir".
They said that if the auditor doesn't find it, they would mail me a lease agreement, which I was to fill out and return, upon which time they would send another toter to my house for me to use.

Now this isn't a stolen car or some shit, this is a fucking garbage can! They can't just drop one off tomorrow and be done with it?
Evidently not. There are processes in place, searches to be made, forms to fill out, work orders to process, and who the hell knows what other wheels must grind at headquarters in order for me to throw out garbage.

And I'll probably get billed for the missing fucker too.




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Spam Subject of the Day

"Almost one inch"
I don't care at all how long your dick is.



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Tuesday, May 12, 2009

A Funny

This one's been around the block a few times, but I got a renewed giggle at it when I got it again.

Via email:
A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of no where, parks his bike and walks inside. As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar:

COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2.25
CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole' biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers. She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker.

"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "may I help you?" The ole biker leans over the bar, "I was wondering young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "Why yes, yes, I sure am".

The ole' biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger".






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Fuck 'Em

Not again: FAA stops military flight over Hudson
Mon May 11, 7:56 PM ET

NEW YORK - The Federal Aviation Administration turned down a U.S. Navy request to fly a patrol aircraft past Manhattan on Monday, two weeks after a nerve-racking Air Force photo shoot over the Statue of Liberty caused a brief panic.
[...]

[NYC mayor]Bloomberg said it was his understanding that the flight was for "some Navy guy who was retiring after many years of service, and they wanted him to take one last flyby."

A Navy spokeswoman, Cmdr. Pauline Storum, said at least 25 such P-3 flights have been flown through New York City's airspace since 2001.

"This was a routine training event," she said, adding that it was not related to anyone retiring.
[...]
Good on you there, FAA.

No need to stir up more shit.
And the fact that there is obviously a typical lack of communication makes it even better.

Fuck 'em. Let 'em notify people before they pull that shit. This 'leaders' of this country are doing their best to turn it into a police state as it is. They need to held accountable.



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Spam Subject of the Day

"Enjoy your orgasm"
I usually do.



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Monday, May 11, 2009

A Funny

Via email.
I ddidn't verify this was a Washington post contest or that they announced winners or any of that shit. I just posted it as is from the email 'cause I think some of them are funny:
Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.


The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3 . Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7.. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.




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Even More From The Thread That Refuses To Die...

Way back in September of '05, I did this post:
Top 50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs

Well, another - or maybe the same - anonymous idiot (I didn't bother checking the IP, as I really don't care) added a couple more comments. To wit:

Anonymous said...

If you don't 'give a flying fuck of anyone else's opinion of you or your music tastes or whether you've heard the songs or not' why did you feel it necessary to post not only the original blog but a series of increasingly insane and rambling statements defending yourself? No one actually cares what is on your Ipod you idiot, the comments were regarding why you felt it necessary to tell the world that you haven't heard 27 songs?

Mon May 11, 04:45:00 AM PDT


Anonymous said...

And by the way, you are a complete loser. I mean:

Fuck it. That's enough to see there is a variety of artists starting clear back in the 40's through modern times. All genres except hippity-rap-hop and country. I like a wide variety of music and always have. Maybe you young myspace-cruising whippersnappers think I'm narrow minded and have no life and that's just fine with me. Like I said before, go fuck yourself.
Maybe you need to take a music appreciation class or learn to play a musical instrument instead of seeing how friends you can add to your friends list. Maybe then you'll learn what music - real fucking music - is about rather than fill your mindless ears with whatever talentless clone the music industry tries to sell the mindless public while they're selling Red Bull and rubbers to you young, punk-ass airheads.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You fucking suck buddy. That is so far off topic it's hilarious. Admit it... you forgot what you were rambling about half way through didn't you?

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Get a life.

Mon May 11, 04:45:00 AM PDT
Good gawd. You are so fucking entertaining, you really give me a giggle! I appreciate it! It's like watching a toddler trying to put the square block in the round hole, the dumbfounded look on its face while moving the block from side to side, turning this way and that, all the time drooling on the its little Pooh Bear shirt.
I can picture you on your keyboard the same way!
Your fingers moving around the keyboard trying to make words, all the while drooling on the keys, the blank look in your eyes. You eventually manage to make a word, giggle with pride while clapping your hands thinking you've really put me in my place this time, then go beat off in moms bathroom at the glee and pride of your accomplishment.

Well done!




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Spam Subject of the Day

"Women will be funk when they see your trunk."
Wow. What a poet.



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Friday, May 08, 2009

A Good Read

Don't Turn Drinking Into a Responsibility

"Drink responsibly." Talk about an oxymoron.

Don't we already have enough responsibility in our lives?

Kids. Job. Clients. Decisions. Paying bills. Making deadlines. Watching your weight. Mowing the lawn. Filling the tank. Initiating foreplay. Then there's moral responsibility, civic responsibility, fiduciary responsibility. Don't you just want to say "screw responsibility" some times? Those times were made for drinking.

Yet you can't even do that without being constantly pressured by every single ad for beer, wine or booze to "drink responsibly". I'm not even sure exactly what that means, but I've got news -- the last thing I want to be when I'm drinking -- is responsible. All this responsibility is the reason I'm drinking in the first place.
[...]
Go read the rest. It's a hoot!


Via: PJM/Vodka Pundit

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Bummer Dude

Is there anyone on the planet who hasn't seen this poster, let alone hung one on their own wall:?

Ryan O'Neal offers grim outlook on Farrah Fawcett
Thu May 7, 6:41 PM ET

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Actor Ryan O'Neal has told People magazine that his companion Farrah Fawcett, who has battled cancer for nearly three years, is now bed-ridden, bereft of her famous blonde hair and near the end of medical treatment.
[...]
Yup, I'm guessing she was more responsible for a spike in tissue sales to teen boys in the 70's than Lee Harvey Oswald was for democrats in '63.

I was going to post a more recent picture of her, but fuck it. I prefer to remember her as she was back in the day.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Stop sendingme this crap"
My sentiments exactly.



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Thursday, May 07, 2009

So...

...Let me tell you about my week.

This is a rather lengthy post, but I need to vent. And there will be no proofreading. So if I fuck it up, sorry. That's the least of my concerns right now.
Some of you know what's been going on, most don't. But you may have noticed that I've been rather sparse at posting as of late.

Last Thursday night, I was awakened to screams by Mrs Curmudgeon to the effect of "NO! OH MY GOD. NO!". This went on for a couple minutes and she eventually hung up the phone. Turns out, it was my sister-in-law telling her the ambulance was trying to resuscitate her fiancee (I'll refer to him as "J" from here on out), whom she had known for around 4 years. It appeared to her that he had a heart attack.
Of course, we got dressed and drove with a quickness to SIL's house to find a couple ambulances and a handful of EMT's running in and out of the house, with fiancee laying in one of the ambulances getting CPR.
Shortly thereafter, they took him to the emergency room where he was pronounced dead. He was 56 years old.
Only 56 years old, and he had "The Big One".

Come to find out, he had had signs, symptoms, whatever you want to call it, for several days, but obviously didn't recognize it as being anything serious. At least serious enough to warrant a trip to the hospital. Big mistake.
Now, I want everyone reading this post to do yourself a favor and go read this:

Infarction By Any Other Name.

It is a well written (as he always does) article on the signs and symptoms of a heart attack. It starts out sounding like it is written specifically for women, but it isn't. What it is, is a very good description of what one would feel, see, or generally experience when witnessing or feeling a heart attack, from the perspective of an EMT with tons of experience.

Go ahead. Read it. I'll wait....
.
.
.
Okay. Got that taken care of? Good.

So we were at the hospital for a couple more hours, where we had some great friends show up and keep us company while waiting to finalize paperwork and miscellaneous details. We eventually made it home, where not much rest was to be had. But again, we had support from some great friends.
After tons of calls were made to friends and family, SIL's BFF and "J"'s son and daughter decide to fly out and be with SIL and us. This was fine, I actually don't mind having a houseful of good folks around.

SIL had been living with "J" and mother-in-law in their house, and of course, they didn't feel much like going back to the house, so they both came to our house. Of course, they bring their dogs with them, which is a "joy" in itself.
We have three rather large dogs - a german shepherd named Heidi, a german shepherd/something else mix named Buddy, and a rottweiler/something else mix named Shamu.
MIL and SIL's dogs consist of a miniature dachshund, a pug, and another small dog which I can't remember the type of, but it is similar to miniature collie.
Our shepherd doesn't get along Shamu, so they must remain separated. Shamu doesn't get along with the pug, so they must remain separated. Our dogs are housebroken, their dogs ain't, so they have to be kept an eye on when they're in the house or they piss and shit all over everything. Being males, it is usually any corner of anything - wall, chair leg, sofa, you name it. They would also rather find a nice soft spot to shit on like a chair, a sofa or a bed, than go outside in the dirt or grass of the back yard.
Now add to this scenario the fact that Heidi most likely got fed some table scraps from all the food brought to the house, which immediately gives her the screaming shits, and you'll see that a lot of my time has been spent serving food which had been donated by a lot of very gracious people, washing dishes, keeping clean towels at the ready, choreographing the changing of the dogs for potty breaks and feeding time, cleaning up shit and piss, attending services, sitting in hospitals, running errands and trying to stay sane.

During all this time and in between tears and hugs, on Sunday we met with the funeral home on Sunday to make preparations and decisions. The funeral would be the following Tuesday.

So I go to work Monday, with the intention of leaving a bit early since Mark was also going to be coming up to assist with chores and offer moral support. Which again, I say "Thanks Mark".

Well, I get home Monday afternoon to find MIL sprawled out on the kitchen floor with Mrs C asking her if she was alright. She had tripped over one of her dogs, fallen on the hard-assed tile covered concrete floor, and yes. She broke her hip. She's not all that old, but she is around 70, and hasn't taken very good care of herself over the years. So more ambulances, more EMTs, more emergency room.

The next day is visitation and funeral day. 6 hours of visitation, followed by a service, with the possibility of MIL having hip surgery at any moment looming in the air. Yes, 6 hours. "J", SIL and Mrs C have a lot of friends. Of course, during the 6 hour visitation, Mrs C, SIL and various people would go to visit MIL, grab a bite, and head back to the visitation.
The service went well, and everyone headed back to our house for a small wake of sorts. It wasn't a big deal, just have a brew, socialize a bit and eat some food.
But now that's over, Mrs C and some other folks can go back to the hospital and be with her mother.
So now we get to Wednesday, where I can go to work, possibly for a full day this time. Nope, it's time for hip surgery. So I bail from work and head to the hospital.
MIL doesn't have to have a hip replacement - Allah be praised - just some rods and screws. That only takes the surgeon about an hour to complete, and she comes out of the surgery just fine. Other than the very interesting hallucinations she is 'enjoying'.

So that's pretty much been my week so far.

This Saturday, my nephew is receiving his B.A. degree and we're having an after-graduation party which we've been planning for several months. He's rather bummed that the timing is so bad, and MIL is rather bummed she wasn't able to attend the funeral and won't be attending the graduation, but with any luck, there won't be any more excitement for a spell.

Some folks say 'He' only gives you what you can handle. And yes, we've been able to "handle it" all so far. But good gawd. I'm just... tired.


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Spam Subject of the Day

"Halloween discount"
Right on the ball there, Sparky.



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Wednesday, May 06, 2009

"Lucy! You Got Some 'Splainin' To Do!"

This one needs no comment from me. Just read it and giggle:
Secretary accidentally bites off boss’ penis

A SECRETARY accidentally bit off the penis of her employer while giving him oral sex in a car.

Sin Chew Daily and China Press reported yesterday that while the 30-year-old woman was performing oral sex on the man, the car was hit by a reversing van.

The impact of the crash, China Press reported, caused the woman to bite off her lover’s organ.

The daily reported that the incident occurred in a Singapore park where the couple met after work.

To make matters worse for the woman, her husband had sent a private investigator to spy on her after suspecting that she was being unfaithful.

The investigator said he had followed the woman and her boss to the park.

“On reaching the park, they did not alight from the car. Not long after, the car started to shake violently.

After the car was hit by the van, there was a loud scream from the woman whose mouth was covered with blood,” he said.

The woman later followed her lover to the hospital with part of the sexual organ.

The investigator, who called an ambulance to send the man to hospital, said that this was the first time he had encountered such an incident.




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Spam Subject of the Day

"Don't be fast-came boy!"
No, me love you long time.



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Monday, May 04, 2009

EVERYBODY PANIC!!!

US flu tally jumps to 245 as labs catch up
Sun May 3, 10:01 PM ET

NEW YORK - The tally of confirmed swine flu cases in the United States jumped Sunday to 245 in 35 states, but officials said that's largely from catching up on a backlog of lab tests rather than a sudden spurt in new infections.
[...]
Okay, so we have 245 cases of swine flu and everyone is wearing masks. Yet there are what, 50 million people walking around the U.S. infected with AIDS and they are still fucking without wearing rubbers.

Yup, makes sense to me.



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Quote of the Day

Someone sent me this picture in an email:




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Spam Subject of the Day

"Don't let your rod fall"
...Or the curtains will get dirty.



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Friday, May 01, 2009

In Russia, Motorcycle Ride You

Five-drunk-men-on-one-motorbike stunt ends in death

27 Apr, 01:47 PM

A motorcycle being ridden by five drunken men crashed into the wall of a building in Russian town Byisk, South Siberia. Three of the men were thrown through a window into the apartment of an 81-year-old woman. One of them died at the scene as a result of a head injury, Russian website Regions.ru reports.

The company of five drunken friends had been driving around the town on an old Russian Ural motorbike without a side-car on Saturday night. Towards morning‎, at about 4.00 Moscow time, the driver failed to follow a curve in the road and the bike crashed into the wall of a building. Three of men were thrown into the apartment through a window. The 19-year-old driver hit his head against a door and died inside the apartment as a result of a head injury. The other four men are currently in hospital where doctors say their conditions are serious but stable.

A 25-year-old passenger has a spinal fracture and head injury. The other passengers suffered laceration to the arms, head, neck and back.

The doctors also provided assistance to the 81-year-old owner of the apartment who suffered a heart attack as a result of the fright.

The investigators have not yet established how five adult men managed to ride together on a single bike.
Now THAT'S funny.
Get good and liquored up, throw your friends on the back, and go riding.
Crash into a building and scare the fuck out of the old man living there, while putting you and your friends in the hospital or grave.

And people laugh when rednecks in America do stupid shit like this.




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Funny (Sad?) But True

Via email:
The 11thHusband...

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband to 'Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin'.

'What?' said the puzzled groom. 'How can that be if you've been married ten times.?'

'Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.

'Husband # 2 was in Software Services. He was never really sure how it was suppose to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.

'Husband # 3 was from Field Services. He said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

'Husband # 4 was inTelemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

'Husband # 5 was an Engineer. He understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.

'Husband #6 was from Administration. He thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

'Husband # 7 was in Marketing. Although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

'Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist. All he did was talk about it.

'Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist. All he did was look at it.

'Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector. All he ever did was........ God I miss him.

' But now that I've married you, I'm so excited'.

'Wonderful', said the husband, 'but why?

'You're with the 'GOVERNMENT'...
This time I KNOW I'M gonna get SCREWED for sure.'





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Spam Subject of the Day

"Awake her with a surprise"
I do. Then I hold the covers over her head and make her smell it.




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