"Obama's An Idiot" is where my political bitches now live. Go ye thereto and read.

Monday, July 31, 2006

Diversity

Speaking of birthdays, how does this sound:

One of Mrs Curmudgeon's co-workers had a birthday party friday. We were invited along with some of the woman's other friends from her work. We were to meet up for some dinner and cocktails, and celebrate her birthday.

Now here's where the diversity begins. There we are, at the filipino restaurant, eating chinese food, drinking american beer, listening to disco music, in between performances of karaoke.

Interesting I tell ya. Interesting.

Instant Asshole. Just Add Alcohol

Mel Gibson "Out of Control":

[...]
'I acted like a person completely out of control when I was arrested and said things I do not believe to be true and which are despicable,' Gibson said in a statement.

According to TMZ.com, Gibson called the arresting deputy a 'motherf---ker,' whom he was going to 'f--k' on account of 'he [Gibson] 'owns Malibu' and will spend all of his money to 'get even' with me [the deputy].'

Later, the Website reported, Gibson ranted about the 'f--king Jews,' who 'are responsible for all the wars in the world,' and asked the deputy, 'Are you a Jew?' (Gibson, who helped build a Catholic church in Malibu, is not.)
[...]
Not that he wasn't a pompous, arrogant fuck to start with.
Typical of most Hollywood types anyway.

Little Willy Winkie

Thief stuffs frozen dinners down his pants :

CourtTV - Fri Jul 28, 3:55 PM ET

(Court TV) - A thief in Bedford, Texas, made a run for it after the manager at a local grocery store caught him with his pants (almost) down.
[...]
Okay, teevee dinners down the pants.
Brr.

From The 'Duh' Files - Again

Study: Sex crimes in prisons underreported : AP - Sun Jul 30, 9:28 PM ET

WASHINGTON - Fewer than three prisoners in every 1,000 report they were sexually abused or harassed, but that probably is not the whole story, a government study says.
[...]
Uh, gee. Do ya' think?

Spam Subject of the Day

"huge brushlike"
Sounds rather...uncomfortable.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Friday, July 28, 2006

Global Warming, AlGore And All Thing (Junk) Scientific

So I was reading a post over on Og's blog, where he related a 'conversation' he had with an - go figger - Ejukator.
This dude evidently teaches some geology courses in community college, so he of course is more than qualified to be preaching on the imminent demise of Mother Earth via Eeeeevil SUV's and "Global Warming".

Ladies and gentlemen, I would now like you to meet GeoMan!

Okay, you're back. Good. We'll continue.

So, Og shoots off an email to GeoMan:
You have made a great point of explaining the scientific process, and yet you accept the shibboleth of global warming as dogma, when it clearly is not. Less than five hundred years of temperature measurement exist. Less than a hundred of that with any real level of calibration of the instrumentation. All of that measurement has taken place on or near land, with no data for the oceans, which cover a pretty large portion of the planet. No knowledge of the temperature variation can be given before that, except as reasonably educated wild ass guesses based on any number of factors. We don't know if the earth is warming or cooling beyond the last hundred or so years, and what is more important, we have NO idea if warming trends regularly cycle over the course of thosands of years and by how much. All that exist are guesses. Basing a theory of global warming on guesses is the worst kind of junk science. Pity, your site seemed to show such promise.
Which, I think are all very valid points. So what did Geotard have to say?:
All good points, but consider this: we are returning massive amounts of carbon dioxide to the atmosphere due to the burning of fossil fuels. Will this have an impact? I say yes. What do you think?
To which Og asks - and this is classic:
Less carbon dioxide by far than magmatic gasses and other tectonic activity have in similar time periods. It's bunk. We cannot have any idea.

Does that mean we should just randomly go around doing everything we can to fuck up the planet? by no means. Every reasonable effort should be made to protect the environment- and by reasonable I mean regulations that allow people to live their lives (which includes motor vehicles, like it or not) and allows businesses to exist and profit.

The earth is ours. We can take care of it, and exist with it, and we can do so without fear mongering pseudoscientific garbage putting unnecessary restriction on people's lives.

By the way: I live on the front lines, and not in an ivory tower. Stricter and more stringent regulations by the EPA and other state and local agencies have had the effect of driving smokestack industries to push their manufacturing elsewhere. Places like China. Where there are NO restrictions. The net effect has been this: Steel production, which will ALWAYS proceed, has gone from having 90% of it's emissions scrubbed and cleaned (in the USA) to having all it's emissions dumped directly into the atmosphere (china, eastern Europe). The primary source for this move has been the tightening of EPA restrictions, the secondary and tertiary being OSHA and Union pressure. So what has this done? taken the business from US industries who were making slow but reasonable efforts to reduce emissions, and handed jobs, business, cash flow to countries where human life is meaningless and where no restrictions on emissions exist.

At the end, the earth will deal with the effect of humans as it has dealt with the effect of every other species; it will carry on. With a planet obviously unchanged in any physical way by, say, the dinosaurs, who generated more carbon emissions than all the cars that ever drove on or off any road, it is not only ludicrous to think Humans can have lasting effects on the planet, it is immeasurable pomposity.

[emphasis mine]
To which he didn't hear anything for a couple of days, so he writes back:

So, are you researching for your response to my last email, or have you chosen to ignore it?

and got this response:

I'm choosing to ignore it - way too much negative energy for an overworked geologist during a hectic summer.
Okay, so in short, he gave up. He had no answer other than to ignore the question because of negative energy?

And here's the best part: On his web site, there's a section called "Ask GeoMan". Below that is a paragraph which reads:
"This is your chance to ask GeoMan any earth or space science question you want. Be warned, however: the "nature of nature" is such that I may not be able to come up with a reasonable answer! If I can't, I will be sure to tell you (as opposed to making up some bogus response)."

Yeah, that's the sort of people we have preparing the younger generation for "The Real World".
He couldn't come up with a reasonable answer, nor could he avoid making up a bogus response.

Reminds me of something I heard once:

Those who can - do.
Those who can't - teach.
Those who can't teach - teach college.

MmmmMMmMMFFfffFFF!!!

BWAH!
Lookit that scrawny little shit under there. She trying to smother him or is this just a pillow fight?




[+/-] Show/Hide picture

They Actually Have To Be Told To Not Do This?

Emergency signs used to promote fish fries :

AP - Thu Jul 27, 8:20 PM ET

NEWPORT, Ind. - State homeland security officials have warned Vermillion County to stop using electronic emergency message boards to advertise fish fries, spaghetti dinners and other events.
[...]
Who's brain fart was that? Advertisements on emergency signs?
Let's put a Domino's ad on the Amber Alert signs while we're at it.

What A Stud

Senator's father charged with lewd act :

Reuters - Thu Jul 27, 1:31 PM ET Avg. Rating: 5.0

CHICAGO (Reuters) - The 81-year-old father of Sen. Norm Coleman, has been cited for lewd and disorderly conduct after he was found engaged in a sex act with a 38-year-old woman while parked outside a Minnesota pizza parlor, police said on Thursday.
[...]
Hey, the old bastard deserves to 'get off' on merit alone. He's out there banging a 38 year old and he's 81?
Here's a pat on the back from me you old coot!

From The "Get A Liffe" Department

Single city block hosts world's longest race :

Reuters - Tue Jul 25, 8:11 AM ET Sent 291 times

NEW YORK (Reuters) - The longest foot race in the world is 3,100 miles, long enough to stretch from New York to Los Angeles. Those who run it choose a different route: they circle one city block in Queens -- for two months straight.
[...]
I can't even put into words the magnitude of stupidity involved here.
What a fucking waste of time.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Sent the bluebird, the Owaissa,"
...and the spam.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Quote Of The Day

From a comment over here:
Mom of Three said...

Eww...if Paris Hilton had as many dicks sticking out of her as have gone in, she'd look like a porcupine.
Bwah!

I May Be More Conservative Than Even I Thought I Was

Which - to some of you, may seem like a stretch, but nevertheless, I just may be.

I've seen a car commercial a couple times now that has somewhat taken me aback. I forget the brand, but that doesn't really matter as the message is what I was going to ramble on anyway.

Here's the scenario. Mom, Dad, the two kids are driving along in the car and eventually end up at the park. They have their picnic, play on the swings and asundry playground equipment, toss the frisbee around or whatever else it is they do at the park to spend their day, then they all jump back in the S.U.V. and head home.
The final scene shows Dad standing off the the side waving goodbye and thanking them for inviting him along.

Maybe it's just me, but that commercial seemed to take a giant leap from average conservative, parents-with-2.3-kids suburban family life; to a broken, visit-dad-on-weekends family seeming to be the norm.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-divorce, old-fashioned, ultra-conservative by any stretch. Hell, out of the five children my parents had, one is still married to his 'original' wife. The rest of us have all been divorced AT LEAST once.
And I firmly believe that us divorcees are better off by a hundred times, than if we would have stayed married because of tradition, it was the proper thing to do, because of "The Children®", or whatever.

I guess that commercial just seemed to take a bigger step toward progressiveism than I was quite prepared to take.



AND YOU DAMN KIDS BETTER GET THE HELL OFF MY LAWN!

Score One For The Good Guys

Wash. court upholds gay marriage ban :

AP - Wed Jul 26, 9:07 PM ET

OLYMPIA, Wash. - The Washington Supreme Court upheld the state's ban on gay marriage Wednesday, dealing the gay rights movement its second major defeat in less than a month in another liberal-leaning state that had been regarded as a promising battleground.
[...]
I'm surprised that this liberal of a state didn't approve it, but that's fine. Maybe others will wise up.

Home Alone


Fri Jul 21, 12:06 PM ET

DEAR MARGO: I am a teenager and have a problem with my parents. My mom is 44, and my dad is 50. Recently, they've started going out and basically partying all the time.

My mom says she has raised kids for 30 years and she is done doing it. (There are six kids, and I'm not the youngest.) I feel like I am raising two teenagers. When I try to talk to them about it they say, 'Oh, you are just like your sister. You don't want us to have any fun. And besides, we never got to be teenagers.'

They have a 15- and a 13-year-old at home, so I don't think they are done raising kids -- and if they are, I'm ready to move out. I have a place to go, and I was just wondering, how do I get them to realize they aren't kids? -- TOO YOUNG FOR ALL THIS

DEAR TOO YOUNG...: So what's the problem? Do what other kids your age do and take advantage of the situation. Damn! You've a golden fucking opportunity there! You could party, get high, throw an orgy, whatever you want. Have your girlfriend over, maybe invite some friends and have a quiet game of strip poker or naked twister!

As for your younger siblings, feed them some mac and cheese, get them good and drunk, and they'll go to bed early. You won't even have to worry about them the rest of the night.

When I was your age, my parents were all uptight about me doing homework and shit, never letting me have any fun. I never had the chance like you do now. Get busy! You're a teen for gawd's sake. Act like one!
Loosely quoted of course.

I Don't Understand

Tour de France winner Landis tests positive:

18 minutes ago

LONDON (Reuters) - Tour de France winner Floyd Landis has tested positive for the male sex hormone testosterone, the U.S. rider's Phonak team said on Thursday.
[...]
Now let me get this straight. He is a guy, right? Why would he not test positive for testosterone?
Or did he have the big operation?

This Day in History - A Hero Is Born

Now this is noteworthy.

From historychannel.com:
1940 Bugs Bunny's debut

On this day in 1940, Bugs Bunny first appears on the silver screen in 'A Wild Hare.' The wisecracking rabbit had evolved through several earlier short films. As in many future installments of Bugs Bunny cartoons, 'A Wild Hare' featured Bugs as the would-be dinner for frustrated hunter Elmer Fudd.
[...]
One of my all-time favorite cartoons.
Right up there with Marvin the Martian and The Roadrunner.

What are yours?

Good Gawd

Fucking blogger is being a bitch again today.
Google is like, a major pain in the dick.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Hi, paper mill"
Okay, where the hell did that come from?

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

"I'm Flying!!!!!"

Man survives run-in with falling dog in Poland :

Reuters - 1 hour, 23 minutes ago

WARSAW (Reuters) - A man was bruised but alive on Wednesday after a Saint Bernard dog thrown out a two-story window landed on him as he was walking down the street in the southern-Polish city of Sosnowiec.
[...]
Now wait a minute. Someone threw a St. Bernard out a window?

Several things go through my mind here:
Just how stupid or psychotic do you have to be to want to do that to your dog?
What was going through the dog's mind on the way down?
What did the man think when out of nowhere, comes this...this...who knows what?

That's One Way To Shut Her Up

Man accused of shoving phone down throat :

AP - Wed Jul 26, 7:36 AM ET

INDEPENDENCE, Mo. - The assault trial of a man accused of shoving a cell phone down a woman's throat has begun.
[...]
Some stories stand on their own without requiring any snarky response from me.
But, go ahead and read the rest. Unbelievable.
She don't remember how the phone got there? Uh huh.

Spam Subject of the Day

"momentum in we Max Roy"
I'll take your word for it.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

No, This Ain't Me

Ya' know, Sometimes I just don't have words. When I see something like this, I think "What.In.The.Hell."
I think of the evolutionary process of men. Of caveman Grog - his face dripping with the blood of a fresh kill; or of Eric the Red - wiping his sword on the coat of his fallen enemy; or maybe of Jesse James or Billy the Kid staring at the hole in the center of their opponents forehead; and compare it with what sort of "manly" man would be doing this sort of shit, and all I can do is just shake my head.



Regurgitation Alert

I just had to check on the progress of one of my favorite punching bags. Lo, and behold! I see a post by the ever-caring, downtrodden, heartbroken, starving, dumber-than-a-sleighload-of-shit, anti-American Cindy Sheehan over on one of the other stupidest motherfuckers in the world's site:
"As hard as I may try, I cannot wrap my mind around the fanatical rhetoric coming out of DC and from all over the world and the mindless and seemingly overwhelming support of Israel's right to "defend itself." What Israel is doing in Lebanon by killing hundreds of innocent civilians in a relatively short period of time is like the US defending itself from the tens of thousands of innocent babies, women and children in Iraq."
Uh, yeah. Very similar.
"It seems like we are arm chair witnesses to Armageddon and ashamed witnesses to our fool of a President at the G-8: groping women; talking, eating, and swearing with his mouth full; drooling over slicing a pig and generally acting like a drunken and amorous frat boy at a toga party."
I think I must have seen a different scenario than you, you stupid fucked-up bitch.

Oh, and how's the diet going?:
"...the closest thing I could find to a smoothie to get a little protein was a coffee with vanilla ice cream in it."
Damn, that's rough. No smoothie?
"However, there is not a Jamba Juice on every corner, so blended juice drinks with protein powder are impossible to find."
I could just cry.
She wants to fast, but she really doesn't want to not eat. That's the sacrifice of someone who really doesn't want to sacrifice*.



*See also: Lefty, Liberal, Moron.

Uh, No

Unique bottle of tequila sold for $225,000 :

AP - Sun Jul 23, 6:50 AM ET

MEXICO CITY - Forget the salt and lime, you'll need a mint to enjoy this tequila. Producer Tequila Ley .925 announced Saturday that it has sold a bottle of Mexico's best-known beverage in a gold and platinum casing for a whopping $225,000.
[...]
That shit better get you drunk just looking at it for that much.

Why Not?

Are you a woman going solo? Try a blow-up man:

Reuters - Tue Jul 25, 8:53 AM ET

LONDON (Reuters) - He fits in a car's glove box, appears at a flick of a switch and when a woman has finished using him, she can just pull the plug and he deflates.
[...]
Men have been using that sort of woman for years now.

Check This Out

High prices spur drilling in bucolic Texas towns

Reuters - Sun Jul 23, 10:44 AM ET Avg. Rating: 4.6

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Standing tall amid sunflowers and bales of hay, a greasy drilling rig roared loudly, a recent addition to an otherwise idyllic ranch north of Dallas, Texas.
[...]
Cool! Finally we're drilling somewhere. Even if it ain't ANWAR
Then there's this:
Texas tops in wind energy production

AP - Tue Jul 25, 12:42 AM ET Avg. Rating: 4.6

DALLAS - Long known as a top oil- and natural gas-producing state, Texas has gained new energy acclaim by becoming the nation's top producer of wind energy.
[...]

Looks to me like we get more energy from Texas than Iraq.
George must be so proud of his home state.

Here We Go Again

Energy strapped Calif. gets heat warning :

AP - 2 hours, 1 minute ago Avg. Rating: 4.6

SACRAMENTO, Calif. - As the death toll from a scorching heat wave rose and record demand tested the state's power supply, energy managers feared they may have to trigger rolling blackouts.
[...]
The crooks fucked it all up a few years ago and still haven't fixed it?

No Shit?!

Study: TV makes learning less efficient :
AP - Mon Jul 24, 5:10 PM ET

WASHINGTON - Your parents were right, don't study with the TV on. Multitasking may be a necessity in today's fast-paced world, but new research shows distractions affect the way people learn, making the knowledge they gain harder to use later on.
[...]
More wasted research money.

Thought Of The Day

Via email:

22 Ways To Be a Good Liberal

  1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
  2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
  3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean Communists
  4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
  5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.
  6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
  7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
  8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
  9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
  10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
  11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make The Passion Of The Christ for financial gain only.
  12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
  13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
  14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, Thomas Edison and A.G. Bell.
  15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
  16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normally a very nice person.
  17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
  18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.
  19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
  20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.
  21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.
  22. You have to believe that it's okay to give Federal workers Christmas Day off but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas."

Sorry Kids

Don't what it was, but something had me down yesterday.
Now, back to our regular scheduled programming...

Spam Subject of the Day

"revolver poky"
Uh, yeah.

Friday, July 21, 2006

'Nuther Funny




Thanx again Patty. :)

A Funny

Here's the latest Mohammed depiction:




It's All About Me - II

For some reason, Rachel thought the world needed to know even more about me than I posted here. So here ya' go:

3 things that scare me:

  • Lightning - when I have no cover
  • Dentists (See root canal post)
  • Lying politicians

3 people that make me laugh:

  • Steven Wright
  • Mrs. Curmudgeon
  • Lying politicians

3 things that I hate most:

  • Maggots
  • Ragheaded Islamofascists
  • Lying politicians

3 things I don’t understand:

  • The relevance of the String Theory
  • The obsession with The Big Bang theory
  • Lying politicians (Redundancy alert)
3 things I am doing right now:
  • This meme
  • Reading news
  • Waiting for the weekend

3 things I want to do before I die:

  • Pink Floyd in concert
  • Finish my cabin
  • Retire

3 things I can do:

  • Play musical instruments (none proficiently)
  • Woodworking
  • Metalworking

3 ways to describe my personality:

  • Quiet
  • Bullheaded
  • Too lenient

3 things I can’t do:

  • Hold a grudge (Usually)
  • Speak Japanese
  • Fly a helicopter

3 things I think you should listen to:

  • Rock and roll
  • The sounds in a forest
  • Your conscience

3 things you should never listen to:

  • Greenies
  • Vegetarians
  • Lying politicians (Again?)

3 absolute favorite foods:

  • Steak
  • Lobster
  • Crab

3 things I’d like to learn:

  • When the Megabucks will hit
  • Where the Megabucks will hit
  • What machine the Megabucks will hit

3 beverages I drink regularly:

  • Coffee
  • Beer
  • Pepsi

3 shows I watched as a kid:

  • Lone Ranger
  • Star Trek
  • Looney Toons

3 people I am tagging:

I'm not going to tag.
If you're up for it, go ahead and post your answers and post me a comment.

Quote Of The Day

Found at Bad Bad Juju:
Ted Nugent on Deer Hunting

He was being interviewed by a British journalist. The journalist asked, 'What do you think the last thought is in the head of a deer before you shoot it? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are you the one who killed my brother?'

Nugent replied, 'They aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, 'What am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the French in that way.'
I wonder if he would have said the same thing had that been a French reporter?

Probably.

Because You Need To Know

Root canal treatment, what is it?
I just had to go and read this. But there is a certain part where I cry "BULLSHIT!!!" To wit:
"We'd be the first to acknowledge that root canal treatment has a reputation for being painful, but we'd be the last to agree that this reputation is deserved. It seems most likely to us that the majority of derogatory remarks you hear in regards to root canal treatment almost certainly must have included in them references to the pain and discomfort that the person experienced leading up to receiving treatment.

For the average person and the average case, root canal treatment is a nonevent and not any more uncomfortable than having a filling placed."
Like hell! I've had one root canal. It was the most painful experience I've ever had in my life. And that includes a herniated disc in my back. At least pills numbed that a little.
On the other hand, I don't think it's possible to shoot me up with enough novacaine to numb me enough to where I won't feel dental pain.
And then to shove that gawddamn file in the tooth? I could have sworn I had holes in my eyeballs after that. Yes, it was an upper tooth.

Anyway, morbid curiousity made me read that article. Neat graphics though.

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!! AGAIN!!!

Undersea gas could speed global warming - study :

Reuters - Thu Jul 20, 3:28 PM ET Sent 206 times

NEW YORK (Reuters) - If the world continues to get warmer, vast amounts of methane gas trapped in ice under the sea could belch up and worsen climate change, according to a study.
And there's a big comet headed our way! And every time I light the grill, there goes more atmosphere destroying gas!

Not to mention the damage done by that helping of refried beans I had for lunch yesterday.

Oh! The Irony

Same-sex marriage pioneers separate

AP - Thu Jul 20, 10:35 PM ET

BOSTON - The lesbian couple whose lawsuit led to legal same-sex marriage in Massachusetts have announced they have separated.
[...]
Good gawd. I have to laugh.
Yeah, yeah, I know. You'll say "It can happen to ANY couple. Breeders and gays alike." But isn't that one of the gay marriage crews' spotlight platforms? That people in a homo relationship have a better track record than straights' relationships?

The dumb bitches fucked things up pretty good this time.

Spam Subject of the Day

"without"
Never.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

From he Peanut Gallery

It turns my stomach to even have to link to that lefty, liberal, howling at the moon, car chasing HuffPost, but I suppose I must give 'credit' where credit is due, in order to retain my integrity.

Anyway, make sure your meal has settled, and to be on the safe side, make sure the emisis container is placed nearby. Then follow the link - if you're feeling adventurous:
There's nothing I like better than seeing George Bush smacked down.
[...]

What a repudiation of everything George Bush stands for. And what an embarrassment for this pitiful excuse for a president.
[...]
See, that's the trouble with Democrats the anti-Bush crowd. It's not so much that the prisoners at Gitmo (read: murderers, rapist, terrorist sympathizers and plotters) finally get what these Bozo's consider a fair shake, it's that they got to say "I told you so!!!" and "Fuck you!!!" to Bush.

Thank the gods, that there are still some sane high-profile media people left in this country:
Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean says that "what's going on in the Middle East today" wouldn't be happening if the Democrats were in power. Yes, if the Democrats were running things, our cities would be ash heaps and the state of Israel would have been wiped off the map by now.
[...]

There are only two choices with savages: Fight or run. Democrats always want to run, but they dress it up in meaningless catchphrases like "diplomacy," "detente," "engagement," "multilateral engagement," "multilateral diplomacy," "containment" and "going to the U.N."
[...]
The ire of the radical left just sometimes amazes me. But then I read a passage similar to the last one and I think about how having all those idiots in the world makes the rest of US look so much more intelligent.

Quote Of The Day

I read this on Gore's Interweb. Sorry, I forget where:
"Fantasy Football

It's like Dungeons and Dragons for people who used to beat up people who played Dungeons and Dragons."
Bwah!

What's The World Coming To?

Okay, in a nutshell, here's what you need to know:
Cop's night job as hooker is nixed :
AP - Thu Jul 20, 7:50 AM ET

WELLINGTON, New Zealand - A New Zealand policewoman has been censured for some unauthorized 'undercover' work — a stint moonlighting as a prostitute — but is being allowed to keep her day job after giving up the night duties.
Nothing wrong with a little supplemental income, right?
Nickel for your thoughts? US bill seeks penny's end
Reuters - 2 hours, 55 minutes ago

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Look out, Abe Lincoln.

Great. Just in my line of work, there will be millions, even brazillians of lines of computer code alone which will have to be rewritten. And that's just the beginning of the shit this will cause.
Wyo. police pledge crackdown on streakers

AP - Wed Jul 19, 3:58 PM ET

JACKSON, Wyo. - Every year, as the sun sets on the Teton County Fair, the moons come out: as many as 10 streakers at the demolition derby on the fair's last day. This year, law enforcement officers are pledging a crackdown.
Meh. The people streaking are not usually the people you want to see nekkid anyway.
I guess they'll just have to chain themselves to a tree or something.
Mich. teen flips Jeep during driver test

AP - Wed Jul 19, 5:08 PM ET

DEARBORN, Mich. - A 16-year-old boy apparently had a seizure during his driving test, causing him to hit five vehicles, flip his Jeep and wreck the front of a store.
That's gotta suck.
[old country accent] "NO LICENSE FOR YOU!!!" [/old country accent]

Spam Subject of the Day

"Your future, night court"
Sounds promising.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Nostalgia Anyone?

This is a fairly interesting blog if you enjoy looking back once in a while.

One Of My Last Conversations With An 8-track Player

8-track: "Hey kids!"

Curmudgeon:
"Yeah, whuzzup?"

8-track
: "Shake it loose together"

Curmudgeon:
"Uuhhh, okay (?)"

8-track
: "The spotlight's hiding something that's been known to change the weather."

Curmudgeon:
"Dude. You been drinkin'?"

8-track
: "We'll kill the fatted calf tonight, so stick around!"

Curmudgeon:
"Sounds good! I could go for a juicy steak on the grill."

8-track: "You're gonna hear electric music"

Curmudgeon: "NONE OF THAT FUCKING DISCO SHIT, HEAR ME?"

8-track: "Solid walls of sound."

Curmudgeon:
"'Cause I don't do disco. That shit can go straight to hell. You spin some B.T.O. or maybe some Zeppelin and we're cool. But I hear one gawddamn violin put to a drum beat and you're out the fucking window. Trust me. B-B-B-Benny! ♪♫ ... , ♪ Benny! ♪♫ ..., ♪♫ Benny! ♪♫ ..."

It's All About Me

I got this in an email and I thought I would just go ahead and post it here. What the hell. I'm uninspired today.

> A) Jobs I have had in my life:
  1. Lawn mower boy
  2. Paperboy
  3. Golf course/fairground maintenance
  4. Quicky-mart assistant manager
  5. Heavy equipment operator
  6. Mechanic/Tire repairman
  7. Coal miner
  8. Bus boy
  9. Welder
  10. Courier
  11. House painter
  12. Computer programmer
  13. Project developement Mgr
> B) Four movies I would watch over and over:
  1. Cannery Row
  2. Sling Blade
  3. Outland
  4. Anything John Wayne, Clint Eastwood or Mmmm... Debra Winger
> C) Four places I have lived:
  1. Afton WY
  2. Castledale UT
  3. Las Vegas NV
  4. Hooterville NV
>D) Four TV shows I love to watch:
  1. Jeopardy
  2. King of the Hill
  3. Dirty Jobs
  4. History Channel
>E ) Four places I have been on vacation:
  1. Yellowstone
  2. Cancun
  3. Chicago
  4. Gulf of Mexico cruise
> F) Websites I visit almost daily:
  1. tek-tips.com
  2. fark.com
  3. Yahoo
  4. various blogs
>G ) Four of my favorite foods:
  1. Meat - ARRRR!!!! Beef, pig, fish, foul, wild game, you name it
  2. Dutch oven anything
  3. Smoked anything
  4. Cheese
>H) Four places I would rather be right now:
  1. Fishing
  2. Golfing
  3. The cabin
  4. Not Hooterville
>I) Four friends I think will respond:
  1. I have four friends?

Hit forward, delete my answers and type in your answers. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know INCLUDING the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about those who know you. Remember to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
Its cheesy but fun if you have a few minutes to daydream!

Update: Like I said, this was an email. And I ain't going to implore anyone else to do it. But I wouldn't mind reading replies on your blog.

Spam Subject of the Day

"cock nurse sucking"
Who is sucking whom here?

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Web Site Of The Day

When you think you've had all the sanity you can take for one day, go here and shake your head.

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE ... Shit

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it
  • odd
  • disgusting
  • stupid
  • ridiculous
  • pathetic
that it seems more important to the so-called 'main stream media' to make a bigger fucking deal out of Bush saying that nasty S-word, than it is to learn what his innermost feelings and stance is on that little hoe-down going on over there twixt Israel and Hezbolla?

This Day in History - Swimming Lessons

historychannel.com:
1969 Incident on Chappaquiddick Island

Shortly after leaving a party on Chappaquiddick Island, Senator Edward "Ted" Kennedy of Massachusetts drives an Oldsmobile off a wooden bridge into a tide-swept pond. Kennedy escaped the submerged car, but his passenger, 28-year-old Mary Jo Kopechne, did not. The senator did not report the fatal car accident for 10 hours.
[...]
For some reason, that family still has credibility. Don't understand it. Not for the life of me.

Spam Subject of the Day

"V^L\UM, c\^L\S, TR^M^DOL, more"
Oh. We're into hieroglyphics now, eh?

Monday, July 17, 2006

A Funny

Secrets To Happy Marriage
  1. It is important to find a woman who cooks and cleans.
  2. It is important to find a generous woman who makes a high income.
  3. It is important to find a woman who likes to have wild sex.
  4. It is very, very important that these three women never meet!








Thanx again Patty!

Bad Bad Juju

From a thoughtful post over at Bad Bad Juju:

These Motherfuckers Are Crazy

Hezbollah is a militant terrorist Lebanese Islamist group that want all of us to live in the 12th century.

Hamas is a militant terrorist Islamist group, funded by Iran, that want all of us to live in the 12th century.

These motherfuckers are crazy.

This problem will not go away until we adapt to their modus operandi, and do what needs to be done. Once. And. For. All.

If there are 2 billion Muslims, and only 1% (20 million) aspire to murderous suicide / homicide acts of terror, we've got a long row to hoe. But it also means they need to come up with 1 billion, 440 million virgins.

Now, that's a bunch of hoes.

Bwah! A tall order there.

Quote Of The Day

"Jesus is coming!

Look busy."
Well, it made me chuckle.

OUCH!

Beer baron Coors loses license for DUI:

AP - Sun Jul 16, 3:43 AM ET

DENVER - Beer baron Peter Coors' driver's license has been revoked by a hearing officer who ruled the executive had been driving under the influence of alcohol, officials said.
[...]

Coors, 59, said he had consumed a beer about 30 minutes before leaving a wedding,
[...]

In one breath test, he registered a blood alcohol level of 0.073 percent. In a second, 20 minutes later, he registered 0.088.
[...]
Uh, yeah. If by one beer, you mean a super big gulp cup. One 12oz beer a half hour ago ain't going to register no 0.088.

That's Funny

Unplugged Bush, Blair speak frankly on Mideast, G8:

Reuters - 1 hour, 10 minutes ago

ST PETERSBURG, Russia (Reuters) - A microphone picked up an unaware President Bush saying on Monday Syria should press Hizbollah to 'stop doing this shit' and that his secretary of state may go to the Middle East soon.
There are a lot of times I would love to be a fly on the wall when there are no microphones plugged in during some of these conversations. I'm sure there is a lot shit flung.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Fwd: conjugal andesite"
What the fuck has lava got conjugal?

Friday, July 14, 2006

Uh, Why?

Bottled water in meaty flavours? Dogs lap it up:

AFP - Thu Jul 13, 10:27 AM ET Sent 636 times

SYDNEY (AFP) - Cool bottled water in three delicious flavours -- beef, chicken and bacon. Not tempted? Your dog will be.
[...]
Your dog will be tempted? Your dog licks it's own ass. It don't care what the water tastes like.

Now I, on the other hand, could get into a bottle of "charcoal seared ribeye topped with sauteed mushrooms" flavored water. Add a shot of Maker's Mark and you have a meal.

It's All About Me

In the interest, and at the risk - of exposing a bit of my past, here are 10 things about me you probably never knew:
  1. Gone skydiving
  2. Rode a bull
  3. Spent the night in jail
  4. Totalled a car
  5. Shot up heroin
  6. Buttfucked
  7. Been buttfucked
  8. Flew a hang glider
  9. Frontal lobotomy
  10. Ate a peanut butter - banana sandwich
Nope.
Also, here is a list of things I plan on never doing:
  • See above list
Okay, carry on.

Darwin Award

This sounds like a potential candidate for a Darwin Award:
Teen killed in high-speed paintball battle:

AP - Thu Jul 13, 3:45 PM ET

JENKS, Okla. - An SUV carrying high school football players having a paintball fight with teammates in another vehicle flew out of control on a highway and flipped, killing a 17-year-old boy, officials said.
[...]
B'yuk.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Target Voucher Winner #78CF-SC672"
"Airline Ticket Voucher Winner #KA8-MS243"
"Target Voucher Winner #78CF-SC672"
"Kmart Voucher Winner #89DS-FD53G"
"Home Depot Voucher Winner #365-7855"
"Cheesecake Factory Voucher Winner #F65-3D89"
"500.00 Home Depot Gift Card Winner"
Lookit all the shit I wun!!!

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Good Gawd [pun]

Chicken lays mystery Allah egg:

Reuters - Thu Jul 13, 5:04 AM ET

ALMATY (Reuters) - A chicken in a Kazakh village has laid an egg with the word 'Allah' inscribed on its shell, state media reported on Thursday.
[...]
We have the Virgin Mary grilled cheese sandwich and water stain, and we have the Jeebus on a frying pan, why not throw Allah into the mix?


Praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. There is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions. Etcetera...etcetera...etcetera.

Oh Those Silly Brits

'Wear nice pants': - police tell women drinkers

Reuters - Thu Jul 13, 8:07 AM ET

LONDON (Reuters) - Women going on boozy nights out have been warned by police to 'wear nice pants' in case they fall down drunk in the street.
[...]
Yeah. That'll fix everything.

'Nuther Funny

Via email:
The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to heaven, which part of your body goes first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."
"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?
Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."
"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your feet."
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?"

Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh ! God, I'm coming!"
"If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."

The Nun fainted....




Spam Subject of the Day

"outfit may likely Deena"
Sorry. Don't know no Deena.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

A Stitch In Time? Fuck That!

I was reading a post over at Velociman's blog and it reminded me of an incident once when I was oh, 9 or 10 years of age:
Now, my parents, being Depression Era babies, thought stitches were for pussies. And only a total fucking mambypamby Little Lord Fauntleroy would assay to call them sutures! Oh, ain't he high and mighty, with his fancy fucking Sutures holding his face together after that mad plummet throught the windshield. I'da put a butterfly stitch, or 40, on that, I would have!
[...]
There were two of us, my next-door neighbor and I, out 'camping' in the woods behind our houses. Actually, he had gotten pissed at some unrealistic demand his parents had made of him, like cleaning his room or something equally as horrid, and he wanted to run away. Out of sympathy, I went along too. After all, he was my best friend. What could I do?

So we packed up our kit, which consisted of a couple cans of tuna, some packages of Jell-O for snacking, a quilt to rest our runaway heads on instead of the cold, damp ground, and of course - since we were cub scouts - pocketknives.

With our kit tied to a stick akin to a train-hopping hobo, we lit out for the world. Away from the overbearing parents. Away from the cops. Away from his babysitting sister and anyone who had done us wrong in our many youthful years.
As we left, my mother told me that if I was gonna run away to be sure and be home in time for supper.
"How could he say something so silly? Doesn't she know we're running away?"
"Yeah, my mom told me the same thing. I'll show 'er."

Off we went. Kit on our the shoulder, through the gate, over the fence, across the creek and into the woods. We traveled a good block from the house and found a nice clearing in the trees near the sheep pond and spread the blanket to prepare for our meal. The first course being a can of tuna. After all, we didn't want to spoil our appetite with the Jell-O, which was consumed by moistening a finger and dipping it into the box, then licking the wet powder off our finger. (We invented 'Lick-A-Stick', we just didn't know it at the time).

Halfway through our 'meal', we heard footsteps. "Must be my sister" he said. We, in a flash, discarded the remaining tuna, grabbed the quilt and took off running, glancing over our shoulders to make sure we weren't being followed.

That was not a good idea.

Someone had put up a barb-wire fence many years ago, then moved a portion of it. All but the top wire - which cought me neck high. Next thing I knew, I was laying on my back gasping for air, dark patches in the sky, blood running down my arm - which must have flung skyward as my ass was headed towards the devil himself.
Yes my friends, I had been clotheslined a'proper. And I had a deep gash on the inside of my elbow. Not all that long, but deep.

While my friend was imploring me to "Get up! Get up!", I calmly stated that I thought I needed to go to a doctor, whereupon he said "What if our parents find out?".
Well, that is exactly what I intended. I didn't plan on ending up bleeding to death running away for his sorry ass, so homeward bound I went.

Of course mother saw me holding my arm and had to see what was going on. Mentioned something about stitches, tetanus shots, splints, traction, ... well, at least stitches and tetanus. Of course, she was flatly refused. "No way. I ain't getting no stitches. And no shots. I'll wait and see if it gets infected before I go to the doctor. Just put a band-aid on it."
She poked the extruding meat back into the gash, dabbed a little mercurochrome or merthiolate - whichever the case may have been (remember that shit?) - and wrapped a pad under several layers of gauze. Good as new. No stitches.

As a kid I had some pretty good bumps, bruises and cuts. None of which ever required stitches. Some that should have, but none I would ever allow.

Hey, they give the complexion character!

Pig-Fucking Towelheads

Just D tossed out [couldn't help myself] uh, suggested that this little story was rather amusing:
'When the pig's head rolled in, the men got up and ran outside.'
"Are pig heads that scary?

Someone explain please."
To which, there were several comments made along the lines of '...mostly peaceful people...', '...crazies in every religion...', and so on.

My belief is - true. There are religious fanatics in every religion. Ever hear of Oral Roberts? Pat Robertson? Tom Cruise?
But with the exception of extremely disillusioned nutballs like the KKK who claim to be Christians, most religious nuts aren't trying to eliminate everyone not of their faith. Worst case scenario; they try to convert them to their way of thinking or bilk a Cadillac out of them.

But whatever. I found the story to be funnier than hell, and I'll get a chuckle out of it if it happens again.


Oh, and by the way, this is the "peace-loving people" referred to in the comments of those posts:








'Nuther Funny

Good lord. This one made me laugh out loud:
Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
A. Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.



Thanx again Patty. :)

Ain't It The Truth

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

KACK!

Calif. wildfire prompts dozens to flee:

YUCCA VALLEY, Calif. - Firefighters evacuated dozens more people from their homes early Wednesday as a wildfire raced across the desert and destroyed several homes in an area where dozens of Hollywood Westerns were filmed.
[...]

In Nevada, officials said they had gained the upper hand on two lightning-sparked wildfires burning toward the small town of Beatty, near Death Valley National Park.
[...]
The sky here is way smokey, and the air smells like a campfire. The truck had ash particles all over it this morning too.

Hell's sake - it's like living in L.A.

Spam Subject of the Day

"police alexei"
Oh. Now it's the alexei police?

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

7-11-06

So I hear today is "National 7-11 Day".
Go buy yourself a Big Gulp or something.

WHAT?!?!

Video released of 'US corpses' in Iraq:

Tue Jul 11, 6:21 AM ET

DUBAI (Reuters) - A group led by al Qaeda in Iraq released gruesome footage of two corpses it said were U.S. soldiers killed in June, and dedicated the video to an Iraqi girl who U.S. soldiers are accused of raping and killing.
[...]
Isn't this against the Geneva Conventions too?
Oh, wait. Those fucking crazy islamofacists don't abide by it anyway. Yet we are condemned if we don't so let's play nice-nice.

This Day in History - "New Coke"

Remeber this shit?
From HistoryChannel.com:

1985 'New Coke' is introduced

Nineteen-eighty-five was a trying year for America's soda. With hopes of eking out a lead in the hotly contested 'Cola Wars,' soft drink giant Coca-Cola decided to muck about with the recipe for its namesake drink. As ill-conceived as the notion may sound to our ears now, Coke thought it had a winner at the time. Indeed, an expensive battery of market testing seemed to bode well for the new formula. As one of the officials for Coke's advertising agency noted, 'research clearly said we had a winner.' However, despite lavishing hefty sums on an advertising blitz, the new product--aptly dubbed 'New Coke'--was a resounding flop.
[...]
It didn't last long.

A Funny

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in Dublin. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!" The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down.

She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?"

The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"






Thanx Jean. :)

Search Phrases From The Dark Side

Okay, I've had some strang ones but this is a first:
"cat wretching on amoxicillin"
Why? Why would you want to...Good gawd.

(365 / 12 (2^3) ) - 1 - Revisited

Make a note: The dispensor has been refilled. Let's see if it lasts six months this time too.

Spam Subject of the Day

"drapes and a ventilator."
Sounds like I'd be all set.

Monday, July 10, 2006

(365 / 12 (2^3) ) - 1

So now I know. The hopper on a John Deere toothpick holder will hold enough toothpicks to last a curmudgeon roughly six months.
Please keep that in mind when you are buying gifts for loved ones.

Now, does anyone have a spare toothpick I can borrow?

Scoop: Cindy Sheehan: Bombs Bursting in Air

Horse face is at it again:
Scoop: Cindy Sheehan: Bombs Bursting in Air:

[...]
When I look at the star-spangled banner, I think of my son who began wearing a uniform with the flag on it from the time he went into scouting at the age of 6. I also think of one of the last pictures taken of Casey when he was awaiting deployment to Iraq from Kuwait. He was standing in a tent holding a bottle of water, wearing his desert cammies with an American flag patch on the chest. When we buried him a few weeks after that picture was taken, I was handed a folded flag, which reminded me of the swaddling blanket that I wrapped him in to bring him home from the hospital almost 25 years before.
[...]
When I see your face it reminds me of that turd I left swirling in the shitter this morning
Thousands of peace-loving and war-hating members of the human race from all over the world are planning on coming to Crawford, Texas, to Camp Casey again this summer to stand, sit, or camp in the face of the neo-con war machine and prove to the world that there are Americans who will courageously speak for the people of Iraq and our soldiers who have no voices but who just want to be left in peace.

Come to Camp Casey.

We have room for everyone, and everyone is welcome.
I'll set up the hamburger stand.
And I'll sell ammo.

Add Another Nut To The Fruitcake

Broke-jaw joins fight against global warming:

By DAVID BAUDER, AP Television Writer Sun Jul 9, 7:33 PM ET

NEW YORK - Tom Brokaw is giving
Al Gore some company in the effort to raise awareness of global warming. The former NBC anchorman is host of 'Global Warming: What You Need to Know,' which doubles as an explainer and call to action for average Americans. It premieres Sunday at 9 p.m. on the Discovery Channel.
He was a reporter on one of the most liberal networks in the country. How the hell can his "unbiased" opinion be taken seriously?

Cough Cough - Bullshit

Sales of organic beers start to hop:

By CLARKE CANFIELD, Associated Press Writer Sun Jul 9, 2:24 PM ET

PORTLAND, Maine - Organic ales, lagers and pilsners are increasingly squeezing their way into retail coolers alongside non-organic beers. When Jon Cadoux launched his line of ales under the Peak Organic label this spring, he figured making them organic would distinguish them from the multitude of other beers on the market. At the same time, he wanted to put out a product he says is healthier for people and the planet.
[...]
What a racket.
I'll bet the shit costs at least twice as much too.

Here's A Thought

Via email:
5 million of our older Americans have not signed up yet for their Medicare, Part D, drug plan--they are old and confused. We are not going to grant them an extension.

However, 12 million illegal aliens are in our country and we are going to allow them to stay, protest, procreate, receive support monies, attend schools, avoid paying income taxes, have our teachers take 300 hours of ESOL (English as a second language) training at our expense, etc.
Hmmm. I think the money would be much better spent if we were to shift funds from people living here ILLEGALLY to people who are living here legitimately.

This Day in History - Mel Blanc Dies

From Historychannel.com
1989 Mel Blanc dies

Mel Blanc, the voice of Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, and countless other Warner Bros. cartoon characters, dies from complications of heart disease.
[...]
"B'yeh B'yeh B'yeh, That's All Folks"

Sorry, I just couldn't help myself.

Spam Subject of the Day

"Hi, mucilage duct"
Is that some sort of insult?

Friday, July 07, 2006

Man vs. Nature

So last weekend, I mentioned I was going to be out of town. Well, I was. In fact, I was out of the state.

While I was out of state, I did some fishing. Mrs. Curmudgeon and Nephew's girlfriend tagged along to get a load of the scenery. We went to the same lakes I went to last year, but the exception this year was that I also did a bit of stream fishing on a little creek which ran fairly close the the lake.

Here's the story: Mrs. C and GF are wandering around the perimeter of the lake soaking up sunshine, conversing and exploring. They happened to look down the embankment at the nearby stream and saw about a half dozen trout lying in wait. Of course she started squealing and hailing me hence, and when I saw those rather large-ish (ranging about 16 to 20 inches) fish swimming in that hole, I just had to have me one. Two. Maybe all.

I start eyeballing the embankment I would have to skirt in order to get to the fish's secluded abode, and decide fuck it. I'm going down there. Not sure if I can get back out, but I'm going down. With the help of a fallen tree as a 12 inch handrail, another pine firmly rooted in this 45 degree embankment as a short rope, and the fishing gods who thought I needed the experience I made it down with nary a skuff on my Levis. Crouched down like the great white hunter I am, I approach the glory hole slinking ever so stealthily alongside the fallen pine between me and the water, the anticipation making my heart beat that much harder and my footsteps that much lighter.

Now for you non-fisherpersons out there, there are two reasons fish bite a hook. One reason of course, is that they are hungry. The other is that they're territorial. They don't want none of that flashy critter invading their turf. I would soon find out which category these fish fell in to. I had no worms for bait as some other people who were meeting us there weren't around. So I had been using a lure on the lake with better success than the other patrons, but with less success than what I had last year or any other year for that matter, on these same waters. But I thought I would give these fish an opportunity to grab that same lure.

So I, along with the swarm of mosquitoes who had decided to ride piggy-back, inched as close as possible without climbing over the log shield. I pulled several feet of line from the reel and swung the lure into the water. "ATTACK!!!" they screamed in unison! Well, not really, but since the water was crystal clear, I could see them all swim over and check out this strange creature which interrupted their vigil for wahtever food may be floating down the stream. Above the tranquil yet rather noisy splashing of creek flowing over the waterfall, I could almost hear them say to each other "Ahh. It's a fake!". Off they went. Back into position awaiting more lunch served up in the stream. So I drag the lure around a little. Well, that gets their attention to be sure! They're chasing it! Tapping it with their noses! Even nipping at it! But no, they're don't want to bite it. They want to scare it off.
I bring up the lure. I toss it back. Again they chase it. Again they nip and antagonize this intruder to their space. But alas, they will not bite. Bastards.
Mrs C and GF are watching from the top of the hill and I can see by the look in their eyes, they can't fathom why I haven't pulled any of these magnificent specimens out of the water yet.

After ten minutes or so of being told by these fish's actions they weren't interested, I decide the only way to their heart is to be something appetizing. I make the steep climb up the hill, and amidst the huffing and puffing I searched for grasshoppers in the weeds and dug for worms in the bank, but to no avail. So in the end I retrieve some other tricks which I had up the sleeve of my tackle box. These store-bought fishy teevee dinners in little glass jars will just have to do.

Back down the hill I go. It seems easier this time, and I slip right back into position amongst the willows and fallen pine. Well much to my chagrin, the fish are even less interested in this fake bait than they were in the lure. They don't even bother moving out of position to chase the intruder away unless I manage to tap them with the baited hook. Well enough of that then. I'm outta here. Back up the slope to the lake.
There's a thunderstorm on the way anyway, we need to get out of the mountains before Thor unleashes his fury on us mere mortals. But I got the last word in as I was walking away. "You assholes, that's it. I will be coming back one of these days and I will have worms. You will be mine!"

Bummer

American paralyzed at Pamplona bull festival :

Reuters - Fri Jul 7, 8:59 AM ET Sent 383 times

MADRID (Reuters) - A New York man was paralyzed below the waist while dodging young bulls with other revelers in the bullring at Spain's San Fermin Festival in Pamplona on Friday, festival organizers said.
[...]
Too bad dude. I have trouble feeling sorry for you though.
Thanks for becoming a burden on your family and friends by doing stupid shit.

Brain Dead Whiney-Assed Moron

I started to read this article and was fixin' to get a scathing reply sent to this fucking prick. But then I realized, he's from San Francisco. Anything coming out of that sewer should be handled with rubber gloves. You just can't let it touch you.
So on that note, I'll say "Crawl back in your delusional hole and go fuck yourself."

It's not that I think Bush is the best president ever. I don't think he walks on water. But even if he is the worst president we've ever had, which - if that's what you believe then you need to wake the fuck up and think back to his predesessor - what was our choice at the time? John Kerry.
Do any of you Bush haters out there really think that fuckwad would have done a better job? If so, you shouldn't be allowed to vote. I still to this day, can't believe anyone voted for that lying, two-faced sack of shit.

Anyway, read on if you're sure your breakfast has settled sufficiently to where it won't come back up again:
George W. Bush Is Dead To Me
Nation cringes as the worst president ever continues long, painful slog to the end:

By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist

Friday, July 7, 2006

It is like some sort of virus. It is like some sort of weird and painful rash on your face that makes you embarrassed to walk out the door and so you sit there day after day, waiting for it to go away, slathering on ointment and Bactine and scotch. And yet still it lingers.

Some days the pain is so searing and hot you want to cut off your own head with a nail file. Other days it is numb and pain-free and seemingly OK, to the point where you think it might finally be all gone and you allow yourself a hint of a whisper of a positive feeling, right up until you look in the mirror, and scream.

George W. Bush is just like that.
[...]
Oh yes, there's more. Much more. Take this for instance:
Indeed, countless Dems were disappointed with Clinton's behavior during Monicagate. Many were ashamed that he would cheapen the office so badly by such trashy moral behavior.

But that was just a cheap little affair (our allies never understood all the fuss anyway). This was never the attitude toward Clinton's politics, his capacity to understand complex issues, his astounding political savvy. No one anywhere doubted he made the country richer, more environmentally conscious, more stable, more respected and admired. Clinton was globally adored not only for his charisma but for his contributions to world peace. Plus he could actually point to Afghanistan on a map.
Uh huh. He is someone whose opinion I'll respect.
Whatever the fuck he's smoking, I want some. The weekend is almost here, and I'm in the mood for some fantasy.

Spam Subject of the Day

"was former glasses"
I can't even come up with a decent comment on that.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Sad


Columbine gunmen's diaries to be released:
AP - Wed Jul 5, 9:29 PM ET

DENVER - Diaries kept by the Columbine High School gunmen and nearly 1,000 pages of other documents seized from their homes and cars will be released Thursday, authorities said.
That those morons didn't nail this asshole on their shooting spree instead:


Embattled professor fights to keep job

AP - Thu Jul 6, 12:13 AM ET

DENVER - The University of Colorado professor who likened some Sept. 11 victims to a Nazi official has appealed to keep his job as school officials move to fire him for what they say is research misconduct.



Spam Subject of the Day

"milkweed"
Uh, right.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

That's Just Sick

Piece of man's skull falls off, draws crowds:

By Bappa Majumdar Wed Jul 5, 7:58 AM ET

KOLKATA, India (Reuters) - Hundreds of people are thronging a hospital in the eastern Indian city of Kolkata to see a patient holding a piece of his own skull that fell off.

Doctors say a large, dead section of 25-year-old electrician Sambhu Roy's skull came away Sunday after severe burns starved it of blood.
[...]
Disgusting.

Y Not?

Push for simpler spelling persists:

By DARLENE SUPERVILLE, Associated Press Writer Wed Jul 5, 3:11 AM ET

WASHINGTON - When 'say,' 'they' and 'weigh' rhyme, but 'bomb,' 'comb' and 'tomb' don't, wuudn't it maek mor sens to spel wurdz the wae thae sound?

Those in favor of simplified spelling say children would learn faster and illiteracy rates would drop. Opponents say a new system would make spelling even more confusing.
[...]
I wud hav liket to hav seen this bak when I was lerning to spell. But it's to laet now I think.

TURN THAT SHIT DOWN OR I'LL BLOW YER BRAINS OUT!!!

Police kill driver on Vegas strip :

AP - 1 hour, 30 minutes ago

LAS VEGAS - A police officer killed a motorist on the crowded Las Vegas Strip after a dispute over the driver's noisy car stereo.
[...]
Don't mess with L.V. cops I tell you.

Spam Subject of the Day

"burden droop"
Ah, the old burden droop.