Curious

Okay, what in the holy hell kind of a contraption is this?:



Re: Pat Metheny Group



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Just An F.Y.I.

Quizno's Prime Rib Cheese Steak sandwich is the shit.


Buuuurrrrrp.




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A Funny

Via email:

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent and self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she was about to sit and contemplate ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.

"One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself:
"I don't fucking think so."

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Spam Subject Of The Day

"He bushmaster it shirley"

And don't call me "Shirley".



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One Of My Last Conversations With An 8-track Player

8-track: "Nights in white satin..."

Curmudgeon: "Sheets?"

8-track: "Never reaching the end"

Curmudgeon: "Uuhhh, sure."

8-track: "Letters I've written"

Curmudgeon: "Yaaawwwn"

8-track: "Never meaning to send"

Curmudgeon: "Yaaaaawwwwwnnnn"

Curmudgeon: "ZZZZZZzzzzzz......"
.
.
.
8-track: "Breathe deep, the gathering gloom"

Curmudgeon: "Hello? Whuzzat?"

Curmudgeon: "ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz......"


*


Update: If you're a glutton for punishment and maybe want to read previous conversations, go here, or here, or here, or here, or here, or here, or here, or here, or here, or maybe even here.



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A Chuckle

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Rocket Surgeons

Circumcision recommended to fight HIV

AP - Wed Mar 28, 5:54 PM ET Sent 225 times

GENEVA - U.N. health agencies recommended Wednesday that heterosexual men undergo circumcision because of "compelling" evidence that it can reduce their chances of contracting HIV by up to 60 percent.
[...]

Newsflash!

I have a couple other suggestions for you on how to reduce AIDS:

• Stop butt-fucking, and
• Put down the needle, dumbass

Yeah, I know. It's not just fags and junkies who get AIDS. However, they are the ones more likely to have it, and if one has it, shouldn't he refrain from passing it along?

Should not the pitcher keep his dick tucked in his shorts rather than kill someone?
Shouldn't the catcher refrain from sticking his ass in the air to take a load of death sentence?

And you! Mr. or Mrs. Junkie; you want it that bad that you've decided to kill yourself for it?
Evidently.

As far as third or fourth world countries go, they're doomed. Helpless and hopeless. The only way they're going to get rid of the disease is to keep passing it along until they've killed each other off.
Enlightenment? More money? Naw. That ain't going to work. Not as long as their governments keep intercepting both.




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Fools

This is a hoot.

"10 of the top April Fool's Day pranks ever pulled off, as judged by the San Diego-based Museum of Hoaxes for their notoriety, absurdity, and number of people duped."

Remember, the people duped live amongst us:

-- In 1957, a BBC television show announced that thanks to a mild winter and the virtual elimination of the spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. Footage of Swiss farmers pulling strands of spaghetti from trees prompted a barrage of calls from people wanting to know how to grow their own spaghetti at home.

-- In 1985, Sports Illustrated magazine published a story that a rookie baseball pitcher who could reportedly throw a ball at 270 kilometers per hour (168 miles per hour) was set to join the New York Mets. Finch was said to have mastered his skill -- pitching significantly faster than anyone else has ever managed -- in a Tibetan monastery. Mets fans' celebrations were short-lived.

-- Sweden in 1962 had only one television channel, which broadcast in black and white. The station's technical expert appeared on the news to announce that thanks to a newly developed technology, viewers could convert their existing sets to receive color pictures by pulling a nylon stocking over the screen. In fact, they had to wait until 1970.

-- In 1996, American fast-food chain Taco Bell announced that it had bought Philadelphia's Liberty Bell, a historic symbol of American independence, from the federal government and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell.

Outraged citizens called to express their anger before Taco Bell revealed the hoax. Then-White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale and said the Lincoln Memorial in Washington had also been sold and was to be renamed the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial after the automotive giant.

-- In 1977, British newspaper The Guardian published a seven-page supplement for the 10th anniversary of San Serriffe, a small republic located in the Indian Ocean consisting of several semicolon-shaped islands. A series of articles described the geography and culture of the two main islands, named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse.

-- In 1992, US National Public Radio announced that Richard Nixon was running for president again. His new campaign slogan was, "I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." They even had clips of Nixon announcing his candidacy. Listeners flooded the show with calls expressing their outrage. Nixon's voice actually turned out to be that of impersonator Rich Little.

-- In 1998, a newsletter titled New Mexicans for Science and Reason carried an article that the state of Alabama had voted to change the value of pi from 3.14159 to the "Biblical value" of 3.0.

-- Burger King, another American fast-food chain, published a full-page advertisement in USA Today in 1998 announcing the introduction of the "Left-Handed Whopper," specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new burger included the same ingredients as the original, but the condiments were rotated 180 degrees. The chain said it received thousands of requests for the new burger, as well as orders for the original "right-handed" version.

-- Discover Magazine announced in 1995 that a highly respected biologist, Aprile Pazzo (Italian for April Fool), had discovered a new species in Antarctica: the hotheaded naked ice borer. The creatures were described as having bony plates on their heads that became burning hot, allowing the animals to bore through ice at high speed -- a technique they used to hunt penguins.

-- Noted British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on the radio in 1976 that at 9:47 am, a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event, in which Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, would cause a gravitational alignment that would reduce the Earth's gravity. Moore told listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment of the planetary alignment, they would experience a floating sensation. Hundreds of people called in to report feeling the sensation.

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WOOHOO!

Alzheimer's vaccine works on mice: Japan scientist

Thu Mar 29, 2:49 AM ET

TOKYO (Reuters) - Japanese scientists have developed an oral vaccine for Alzheimer's disease that has proven effective and safe in mice, the director of a research institute behind the project said on Thursday.
[...]

Good news! Now they can remember where the cheese is!

Yeah, I know. Hardee-har.


shuddup.



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Spam Subject Of The Day

"Join the thousands of people who got slim"

What, and be just another conformist?




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Score Another One For The Good Guys

Texas signs new self-defense by gun law

Reuters - Tue Mar 27, 3:42 PM ET Sent 443 times

DALLAS (Reuters) - Criminals in Texas beware: if you threaten someone in their car or office, the citizens of this state where guns are ubiquitous have the right to shoot you dead.
[...]

Glad to see it. Personal space is personal space and shouldn't be limited to your house. What with all the gun-totin' crazies out there now, people have a right to defend themselves anywhere.



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From The 'Duh' Files

Final report released on Colo. standoff

BAILEY, Colo. - A gunman who sexually assaulted students as he held them captive in a high school classroom last fall claimed to have lost touch with reality, investigators said in a chilling final report on the attacks.
[...]

Gee. Ya' think?

Blimey! Growing Some Stones Luv?

Sorry. Yeah, I know. I suck trying to mimmick the dialect.

Anyway,

Britain turns up heat on Iran, woman to be freed
19 minutes ago

LONDON (Reuters) - Iran said it would free a woman among 15 British sailors held since last week after Britain presented evidence it said showed they were captured in Iraqi waters and turned up the pressure by halting official contacts with Iran.
[...]

Fucking towel heads. Again I say, time to git off'n yer bloody arses and show them you're serious.




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Shitty Story

From FOXNews.com:Bulldozers Work to Clear Sewage From Streets of Gaza Town

UMM NASER VILLAGE, Gaza Strip — Dozens of bulldozers and trucks worked furiously Wednesday to shore up a network of sewage basins in northern Gaza, a day after the collapse of one basin flooded a village with waste and killed five people.
[...]

Most of the middle east is a big pile of shit anyway, now it's even worse.
Sure, I feel sorry for the innocents, but maybe if they spent a little more time building things properly instead of ass-up to Allah, or trying to convince other nations their "my god is better than your god", 'shit' like this wouldn't happen.

Spam Subject Of The Day

"Gimme your thoughts on this"

Okay, here are my thougts: Go fuck yourself.




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My My

They grow up so fast.




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Non-Issue

New, unknown climate zones seen by 2100: study

Reuters - Tue Mar 27, 4:28 AM ET

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Global warming could re-make the world's climate zones by 2100, with some polar and mountain climates disappearing altogether and formerly unknown ones emerging in the tropics, scientists said on Monday.
[...]

So what's the problem?
Morons in South America are clear cutting and burning rain forests to the tune of thousands or even millions of acres a month so they can grow cocaine crops, which in turn reduces the planet's ability to remove carbon dioxide and replenish our oxygen supply.
So if the ice packs recede and turn areas farther north and south into tropic zones, more trees will grow, which in turn will make up the difference of the missing trees in the rain forests.

Problem solved!




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Score Another One For The Good Guys

Let's see. That makes two in so many weeks?

Australian pleads guilty at Guantanamo

Mon Mar 26, 11:27 PM ET

GUANTANAMO BAY U.S. NAVAL BASE, Cuba (Reuters) - Australian David Hicks, the first prisoner to face a new U.S. war crimes tribunal, unexpectedly pleaded guilty on Monday to a charge of helping al Qaeda fight American troops and their allies during the U.S.-led invasion of Afghanistan.
[...]

Tell me again how important it is to let these prisoners go, since they've been there too long.






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More Big Brother

In case you didn't know, cell phones have GPS tracking capability. Mine is shut off, but a lot of people don't turn theirs off.

Take a look at this Cell phone GPS tracking site and see if you can find someone you know.




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Welcome Deni!

I just "met" someone who ... well, she cracks me the fuck up.

She is someone who Mrs Curmudgeon met in her quest to attend every gawddamn Goo Goo Dolls concert in the country. Well, overseas for that matter, but praise Allah she hasn't gone to that extreme yet.

Anyway, Deni is a hoot! And anyone who despises that fucked up loser Sean Penn as much as she and I do deserves a link and a read.

To wit:

"I hate Sean Penn....I know, strong words....and I don't use them very often....but this asshole is about the most anti-American, ignorant, dickwad I think I have ever heard TRY to talk politics....First of all...he's ignorant...OK, he's a "graduate" of Hollywood High which means he didn't really go to school at all....then he flunked out of an automotive repair program at a junior college. So he can play-act...who the fuck do most of these actors think they are? They act like we will all stop and listen in awe every fucking time they open their mouths. Yes, this is America. He does have the right to say whatever he wants....but I also have the right to bash him for it. "
[...]

Go ahead and read the rest. She lays it out quite well.











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